As I Lay Dying, Part 1 of 2: The Boys

Episode Synopsis: Damon's got werewolf-bite-fever, and the only thing that can cure him is more Klaus Blood. Fortunately, he has a devoted brother who is willing to binge drink blood like he's trying to get into an undead Kappa Tau. Klaus hands over his blood for a new wingman in the form of a bloodlusting Stefan (having killed Elijah). At the Salvatore mansion, Damon's got a death wish and a really bad case of expository flashbacks. In the end, he stumbles through town and is confused by the screening of Gone With the Wind (don't worry, Damon, I was confused by all the period-dressed extras as well). He mistakes Elena for Katherine and bites her, but she repays him by cuddling with him in bed and kissing him. Katherine shows up for that last bit and shares her wisdom for the ages: "It's okay to love them both. I did.

Back in Mystic Falls, Sheriff Forbes is on the hunt for a feverish Damon, and she accidentally shoots Jeremy in the chest. He dies, but thanks to Bonnie's coalition of tempermental witches, he gets better. Of course, better is a relative term - he comes back to life, but he's apparently brought the ghosts of girlfriends past with him.

You have to give Damon credit – up until the second half of this season, he’s avoided the siren song of emo vampiredom. I guess it’s only fair that we allow him this one little indulgence – although, if not for the super healing, the potential damage to his face could have been catastrophic.

Then again, I don’t know if I could blame him for wanting to get some color. He’s been stuck in black button downs and dark jeans for ages now; the least he can do for himself is have a nice tan.

For his trip to the Gilbert house, Damon dons a standard black leather jacket, but I do love the big utilitarian pockets – vital for a vampire on the go.

Stefan keeps it simple this episode, sticking to a grey pullover - a fitting choice, given his impending turn to the dark side.

The only thing that keeps the look interesting is that he’s wearing a grey leather jacket, rather than the Mystic Falls standard-issue black one.

However, two things about his look are really starting to get to me. One is his anime hero hair.

The other is that he and Damon apparently are sharing boots these days.

Meanwhile, Klaus has woken up naked in a field. His super-white skin is probably the closest we will ever get to having a sparkle vampire on this show.

He decides to go for modesty and swings by a local Bloomingdales for this lovely black sweater.

Klaus, if you’re going to kill off your brother, you’ll have to step up your game a bit. Elijah’s tailored suits put your sweaters and jeans to shame.

I’ve included this picture of Jeremy mostly because his posture bears a striking resemblance to that infamous picture of Bigfoot.

I don’t have any stills of Alaric’s outfit, mostly because it’s just more of the same Safari Sam gear, but it’s official: Matt Davis might be the most intentionally funny actor on the show. Behold, his drunk face.

I am so using this face whenever I'm drunk from here on out.

The Sun Also Rises - Part 1 of 2 - Let's Hear It For the Boys

Episode Synopsis:  We’re throwing out a major sad face for this episode because Aunt Jenna is dead. Again. This time for reals. Actually, a lot of people died this episode including Jules, John, Greta and Elena. Guess which one miraculously came back from the dead? Hint: amazing hair. In a sub-plot, Caroline and Matt bust a cap in Tyler’s lupine behind, after which Caroline finds out that Matt’s been playing dumb about that whole compulsion to forget she’s a vampire. Seriously, you can’t trust ANYONE these days. Klaus, being all Klaus-y, nearly achieves the hybrid status until Bonnie reenacts some scenes from “The Craft” with help from Elijah. Yeah, it looks like everything is wrapped up nicely until Elijah double-crosses our heroes and takes off with Klaus. Not a great night for Mystic Falls.

Oh, Alaric. Sweet, full of good intentions, just trying to do his best, misfortune laden Alaric. Can I call you Al? I get that you’re all heroic because I’ve been watching for a while now but seriously, stop ripping off Damon’s style.

Slack will definitely be cut for Al this week though considering Jenna gone done and died. Wear your leather jacket with solemn pride, my friend. You deserve it.

This week’s episode was very intense so granted there weren’t a lot of wardrobe changes but, and stress that as a very sassy but, when it comes to the men of Vampire Diaries - when is variety stressed anyway? Elijah always look like that accountant who tried to screw you on your taxes. An immortal, bloodthirsty accountant.

“What you don’t like my v-neck?” - no, Stefan, I like it just fine. Seriously. I’d like it even better if you were in daylight and it magically fell off. But what do I know, I’m just a writer.

When a man decides to sacrifice himself in an unholy ritual involving nearly every branch of the supernatural tree to save your life - that’s love. When you hear of his plan and protest like some whiny teenager and boldly claim that everything is going to be alright - that’s Elena Gilbert. But, when you stand brooding above a rock quarry in some really awesome dark denim - that’s all Stefan Salvatore. 

Apparently in Mystic Falls, the villains wear colour bucking a standard trend in storytelling. Also, visitors usually die or are subjected to a whole bunch of pain. Remind me to never visit this town; poor Klaus didn’t see it coming.

Speaking of Klaus: who would have thought that the first vampire in existence would be such a hot British dude? I can’t see the chain he’s wearing but rest assured, I won’t like it. Men wearing chains is akin to women wearing galaxy-print leggings. You just don’t do it.

 

With all of the excitement happening at the quarry, I wonder what Tyler’s been getting up to? You know, aside from transitioning into a werewolf and getting shot. Oh look at that, he’s a nakers under a blanket. Who needs fashion when you look like that? Me - but I’m a modest kind of guy.

“Caroline, look! Check out my muscles!”

“Yeah...so about this trying to kill me thingy...stop it.”

Why Caroline chose Matt, who’s looking like a GQ version of a Big Buck Magazine cover boy in this hunting jacket, over Tyler is beyond my comprehension. I guess I like dumb jocks over the outdoorsy type.

Now for those of you who have adopted wearing a leather jacket everywhere due to watching Vampire Diaries, I present to you “How to Wear A Leather Jacket In the Event of a Potential Threat to Civilization” featuring Damon Salvatore.

Lesson One: Own that jacket. Whether you’re cracking jokes or skulls.

Lesson Two: Crazy Eyes with a dash of Murderer Mouth adds to the clout your jacket carries.

Lesson Three: Don’t wear leather to a funeral, however, substitute it with a fitted suit and abandon the tie. Still badass, still sexy, always Damon.

*I was born to be a mediocre copywriter*

Here’s a tidbit of info that should not come as a surprise: I hate waffle prints. I don’t understand them and I don’t care to; don’t even get me started on ribbed cotton. Jeremy seems to have a penchant for the textured fabrics and if he wasn’t so darn cute, I’d hold it against him.

I definitely won’t win over any diehard Vampire Diaries fans but I’ll say this anyway: John Gilbert is a total fox. Well, in this episode anyway. The fitted shirt, biker style jacket and jeans that are tighter than any dad’s I’ve ever met are working for the vampire hunter. Too bad he’s dead. Like our love.

So what was my favourite bit of menswear this week? Jeremy’s funeral suit. The circumstances in which he had to bust it out are less than favourable because I loved me some Aunt Jenna but you can’t deny how good he looks.

The Last Day, Part 2 of 2 - The Guys

For the most part, the gentlemen (if some of them can even be called that) of TVD are pretty standard: dark and broody. Stefan's the one who wears the most semblance of color, really. 

An olive shirt, how intriguing!

I do like this blue combo he has during his and Elena's nature walk. It's reassuring somehow. It also makes his hair look lighter. Mmm. His hair.

Good ol' Damon, though, stays in black for the whole episode. Classic jacket.

When Klaus shows up at the bar to politely threaten Damon and Alaric, he has a glimpse of red under a dark jacket, but for the most part, looks pretty ominous. Although his short haircut is nice, no?

Caroline's boyfriend, Matt, shows up to Damon's rescue wearing his uniform blue t-shirt from the Grill and...black corduroy maybe? I don't know what to make of him, honestly. He is confused about life, and confusion sometimes leads to betrayal. If he loves Caro, he needs to get his act together. All I'm saying is why date that...

...when you could date THIS!? Tyler has some color, he's rocking the neutrals and his jacket isn't corduroy. It's leather. A chic beige, no less. And his hair? Boom. Okay? BOOM. Tyler is fierce. And he's loyal. He came back to make sure his mom was ok even though the other wolves told him not to. ...I'm just saying.

Klaus, Part 2 of 2 - Young Vamps & Loves

When Jen told all the editors she wanted to expand the site to feature other shows, I suggested Vampire Diaries. In my head, it was a great idea - there are so many leather jackets, so many Somersmoulders, so much snark potential! The only problem is, once I started watching a show solely for the clothes I started to realize that apparently, all vampires ever wear are plain dark t-shirts or button downs with dark jeans.

To venture out into the town, Damon goes with a collared black leather jacket - a slight variation on his standard black leather motorcycle jacket.

Don't get me wrong, black leather is a good look for the Somerhalder. I'm just saying, after 100+ years, wouldn't you want to switch it up occasionally? Maybe throw in a royal blue or a dark maroon?

Or not.

Meanwhile, Stefan has noticed the striking lack of mancandy in the past couple episodes. To rectify this issue, he's decided to hunt for Elijah in his undershirt. As we all know, an undershirt and a bloodbag dipped in white oak ash is the best way to lure out a missing original.

Stefan, doing his very best Edward Cullen impression. Dead-eyed and brooding, but with impressively gelled hair.

Elena, whose wardrobe is normally full of cute tops, is kind of looking blah this week. The dark blue is nice, but it doesn't really do anything for her. I like the cream leather jacket - pretty much the same as her black one, only, y'know, cream - but it would have worked better with one of the red tops she favors.

And can we talk for a second about her hair this episode? Normally I'm obsessed with it, but it's looking a little flat and lifeless this week. On the whole, Elena's looking a little worse for wear. I can't imagine why. It's not as if there's a werewolf/vampire hybrid intent on killing her so he can take over the world or anything.

Speaking of looking worse for wear, Jenna returns this week. She is, of course, indignant that the orphaned teenagers she's supposed to be watching but instead abandoned aren't where she last left them. Elena's finally remembered that Alaric and Jenna are an item, so she leaves a frantic voicemail for Jenna warning her to stay away from him.

Jenna has already made plans to grab coffee with Alaric. She has inexplicably decided that this batwing grey top is the best outfit for the occasion.

I mean, really. If you're confronting your boyfriend about failing to disclose his wife's not-completely-dead state, is this the outfit you'd pick? The whole point of such a meeting is to look ridicuously hot, not like you're cleaning the house on the weekends.

Okay, enough lackluster clothing. Andie has really become the unsung sartorial hero since she first appeared as Damon's snack pack. Look at our intrepid girl reporter's business chic. She's wearing the same neutrals as everone else, but at least it's all well-tailored and the dark grey top has a really lovely purple tinge to it.

She's had to be very creative with her scarves, but Andie's really made the scarf thing work. It looks less like she's covering a hickey and more like she's just really awesome at accessorizing. The python print scarf is pretty spectacular on its own, but when paired with her Girl Friday trench coat (ideal for breaking into apartments with her emotionally withholding boyfriend), Andie looks amazing. I want a spinoff starring Andie as a paranormal investigator.

Later, Damon sends her away so he can pout and sulk. Of course, being downright plucky, Andie decides that "Go away" means "Go to my room and strip down in a misguided attempt at conveying that someone cares about me, which is seriously the last thing I want at this moment in time."

So, not the best plan. But at least she does it in a very cute bra and panties set, the highlight being the very cute little bows on the straps.

Oh, Andie, I'll miss you when you inevitably end up as collateral damage.

Klaus's henchwitch Greta is making this recap purely in the hopes that Bonnie is reading it (yes, I realize she's fictional, but I can still hold out hope). See, Bonnie? It's possible to dress well and be a witch. Good fashion and witchcraft is not the kind of imbalance of power that Nature frowns upon.

I love her whole look - so very badass. I would love to see Bonnie adopt at least some of her rocker look now that she's back from the dead. Fewer flowy layers and Earth motherness, more stiletto heels and metal accents.

On second thought, it would give me one fewer thing to snark on, so ... keep up the good work there, Bonnie. Leave the hot witch gear to Greta.

The Last Dance, Part 1 of 3 - Before the dance

It's Decade Dance time! The Salvatore brothers sign over the family house to Elena to keep her safe. She gets cabin fever real fast and heads out to school despite an evil supposedly unkillable vampire being after her. Alaric isn't actually Alaric, he's Klaus. Sort of. It's a witchy thing. And he's kidnapped Katherine and has her stabbing herself repeatedly in the leg.  Meanwhile, in a bit of a misguided scooby gang scene, the good guys give away all their secrets to Klaus because they think he's Alaric (oops!). At the 1960s Decade Dance, Alaric/Klaus plays them all like a fiddle...that is, except for Bonnie and Damon. Those two may hate each other, but they came up with a pretty good plan to kill (not really!) Bonnie and fool Alaric/Klaus. And Elena, trouble magnet that she is, decides to pay a visit to the dead (not really!) vampire they keep in the basement.

Oh Alaric/Klaus! You kind of wrote this post for me. As he sifts through Alaric's closet, he ponders, "who is this guy? Safari Sam?"

I always thought Alaric was more woodsy Maine than safari, but clearly Klaus is on the same page as the YKYLF staff. His question to Katherine about what to wear is "bad? or badder?"

Based on Katherine's advice, he went for bad, since Alaric looks better in dark colours.

If Alaric survives this whole ordeal, I hope for his sake he forgets that he was possessed by an evil Original vampire. But I also hope that if he remembers anything, he remembers that he does look better in dark colours and that maybe his wardrobe sucks. If Buffy taught us anything, it's that vampire slayers don't need to dress like they're on safari.

Meanwhile, Katherine is once again stuck in the same dress for an extended period of time.

Oh Katherine, honey, I know. You feel disgusting and you'd kill a man to get your hands on a curling iron.

While Klaus is over criticizing Alaric's wardrobe and torturing Katherine (all before his morning coffee), a lawyer is signing over the Salvatore family home to Elena, who is just kicking back in a basic grey t-shirt, leggings and what appear to be some pretty cool boots.

Boots that kind of make her legs look like toothpicks. It's like she borrowed boots from Damon.

I'm impressed with the lawyer though. He knows his place and not once did he look suspicious that the homeowners were waiting outside while a minor signed the deed to their home.

While I do enjoy the leather jackets, I wonder why they don't expand their horizons just a little bit.

Elena's had to grow up pretty fast for teenager, what with three dead parents, an invasion of vampires and werewolves, and being a doppleganger that can make or break the curse for all vampires.  I don't know if that's growing up or post-traumatic stress. Whatever, like any minor who gets her own house she totally invites her best friend over for the signing. 

Bonnie's style baffles me. She wears those flowy empire waisted tops to show us how connected she is to the Earth, but then puts them with cute jackets that seem to have some serious detailing.

Elena clearly thinks a safe house is neato idea and figures she'll sleep at night (although - what about the rest of her family? And has anyone told her legal guardian she's moved in with her boyfriend and his sexier older brother?), but she also figures she needs to get to school. Heaven forbid she should stay in and get cabin fever. I don't know about you, but I'd take a marathon game of euchre with Damon over school any day (euchre may or may not be a euphemism. I'll let you decide).

Bonnie, who has a different jacket every week, seems to question her friend's need to constantly wear the leather jacket. But if you live in the Salvatore house, you must wear leather.  At least Bonnie's been a good influence on one Gilbert.

Ah Jeremy, still looking like a teenager, just a slightly more stylish one. Good work, Bonnie!

Now, here's the thing I don't get. I know he looks like Alaric, but...

...you'd think they'd notice his erratic behaviour. Like, forgetting what he's been teaching all week and what actually happened in the '60s.  At the very least, they should have taken him aside after class to ask if he was doing some day drinking by spiking the coffee with Baileys.  I guess Elena has more important things on her mind.

Decade Dance! I bet you thought I was going to say, "evil Original vampire who wants to kill her because she's some kind of mystical doppleganger", but no, it's a dance. I mean, who can think about evil vampires when you've got a chance to dress up?

Elsewhere at school, Caroline is also sporting a leather jacket.

I love her jacket, but what is it about this town and leather? It's like they're being outfitted by that Project Runway contestant who would only use leather for every challenge.

And while I usually love Caroline, I want to smack her for not noticing her boyfriend is turning out to be a giant vampire hating jerk.

I think he's wearing leather as well. Maybe suede. Some kind of cowhide. Regardless, Matt, you are not a cowboy. Ditch the hide, ditch the plaid and find something that fits.

And Caroline's vampire hating mom? Well, I don't know whether to feel bad for her or to applaud the costume department for keeping it real and not making the Sheriff's uniform more flattering.

Because those are some seriously high waisted, mom pants. My guess is they're made of a horrible fabric. She must be dying in them.

I will give props to the costume department for sometimes getting it right, like with Sheriff pants or teenagers. Because this week's extra, Dana, was totally dressed like most teens I see.

Poor Dana. Any extra that gets a name is bound to meet a horrible death within the week.  But even though she was the bearer of bad news and warned Elena that evil Klaus will be at the dance, Elena's mind was still on one thing.

Yay! Decade Dance! How can you not want to go to a dance when your boyfriend's family has kept everything, neatly labelled by era, from the past 100 years. What kind of storage place does that house have? Because it really should look like an episode of Hoarders if they've kept that much stuff.

And the Decade Dance brings up the really important questions in Elena's life. Like, how much do I actually want to live? And how much do I value my family and friends' lives? And more importantly: sexy hippie or Twiggy?

I vote Twiggy, but Elena never listens to anyone.

Over at Alaric's, Klaus' witchy friend is helping him get ready with what I like to call a "pre-game drink".

I question this witch's choice in tops, but he looks to be built like a brick shithouse (or a hockey player), and it's not easy to dress that frame.

Alaric/Klaus was in search of something vintage, but no go. Just a monochromatic drawer full of sweaters from the Gap and Banana Republic.

But Alaric's drawers are more than what they seem (not a euphemism!).

I guess this is why Jenna never got a drawer at Alaric's place.