As I Lay Dying, Part 1 of 2: The Boys

Episode Synopsis: Damon's got werewolf-bite-fever, and the only thing that can cure him is more Klaus Blood. Fortunately, he has a devoted brother who is willing to binge drink blood like he's trying to get into an undead Kappa Tau. Klaus hands over his blood for a new wingman in the form of a bloodlusting Stefan (having killed Elijah). At the Salvatore mansion, Damon's got a death wish and a really bad case of expository flashbacks. In the end, he stumbles through town and is confused by the screening of Gone With the Wind (don't worry, Damon, I was confused by all the period-dressed extras as well). He mistakes Elena for Katherine and bites her, but she repays him by cuddling with him in bed and kissing him. Katherine shows up for that last bit and shares her wisdom for the ages: "It's okay to love them both. I did.

Back in Mystic Falls, Sheriff Forbes is on the hunt for a feverish Damon, and she accidentally shoots Jeremy in the chest. He dies, but thanks to Bonnie's coalition of tempermental witches, he gets better. Of course, better is a relative term - he comes back to life, but he's apparently brought the ghosts of girlfriends past with him.

You have to give Damon credit – up until the second half of this season, he’s avoided the siren song of emo vampiredom. I guess it’s only fair that we allow him this one little indulgence – although, if not for the super healing, the potential damage to his face could have been catastrophic.

Then again, I don’t know if I could blame him for wanting to get some color. He’s been stuck in black button downs and dark jeans for ages now; the least he can do for himself is have a nice tan.

For his trip to the Gilbert house, Damon dons a standard black leather jacket, but I do love the big utilitarian pockets – vital for a vampire on the go.

Stefan keeps it simple this episode, sticking to a grey pullover - a fitting choice, given his impending turn to the dark side.

The only thing that keeps the look interesting is that he’s wearing a grey leather jacket, rather than the Mystic Falls standard-issue black one.

However, two things about his look are really starting to get to me. One is his anime hero hair.

The other is that he and Damon apparently are sharing boots these days.

Meanwhile, Klaus has woken up naked in a field. His super-white skin is probably the closest we will ever get to having a sparkle vampire on this show.

He decides to go for modesty and swings by a local Bloomingdales for this lovely black sweater.

Klaus, if you’re going to kill off your brother, you’ll have to step up your game a bit. Elijah’s tailored suits put your sweaters and jeans to shame.

I’ve included this picture of Jeremy mostly because his posture bears a striking resemblance to that infamous picture of Bigfoot.

I don’t have any stills of Alaric’s outfit, mostly because it’s just more of the same Safari Sam gear, but it’s official: Matt Davis might be the most intentionally funny actor on the show. Behold, his drunk face.

I am so using this face whenever I'm drunk from here on out.

The Sun Also Rises - Part 1 of 2 - Let's Hear It For the Boys

Episode Synopsis:  We’re throwing out a major sad face for this episode because Aunt Jenna is dead. Again. This time for reals. Actually, a lot of people died this episode including Jules, John, Greta and Elena. Guess which one miraculously came back from the dead? Hint: amazing hair. In a sub-plot, Caroline and Matt bust a cap in Tyler’s lupine behind, after which Caroline finds out that Matt’s been playing dumb about that whole compulsion to forget she’s a vampire. Seriously, you can’t trust ANYONE these days. Klaus, being all Klaus-y, nearly achieves the hybrid status until Bonnie reenacts some scenes from “The Craft” with help from Elijah. Yeah, it looks like everything is wrapped up nicely until Elijah double-crosses our heroes and takes off with Klaus. Not a great night for Mystic Falls.

Oh, Alaric. Sweet, full of good intentions, just trying to do his best, misfortune laden Alaric. Can I call you Al? I get that you’re all heroic because I’ve been watching for a while now but seriously, stop ripping off Damon’s style.

Slack will definitely be cut for Al this week though considering Jenna gone done and died. Wear your leather jacket with solemn pride, my friend. You deserve it.

This week’s episode was very intense so granted there weren’t a lot of wardrobe changes but, and stress that as a very sassy but, when it comes to the men of Vampire Diaries - when is variety stressed anyway? Elijah always look like that accountant who tried to screw you on your taxes. An immortal, bloodthirsty accountant.

“What you don’t like my v-neck?” - no, Stefan, I like it just fine. Seriously. I’d like it even better if you were in daylight and it magically fell off. But what do I know, I’m just a writer.

When a man decides to sacrifice himself in an unholy ritual involving nearly every branch of the supernatural tree to save your life - that’s love. When you hear of his plan and protest like some whiny teenager and boldly claim that everything is going to be alright - that’s Elena Gilbert. But, when you stand brooding above a rock quarry in some really awesome dark denim - that’s all Stefan Salvatore. 

Apparently in Mystic Falls, the villains wear colour bucking a standard trend in storytelling. Also, visitors usually die or are subjected to a whole bunch of pain. Remind me to never visit this town; poor Klaus didn’t see it coming.

Speaking of Klaus: who would have thought that the first vampire in existence would be such a hot British dude? I can’t see the chain he’s wearing but rest assured, I won’t like it. Men wearing chains is akin to women wearing galaxy-print leggings. You just don’t do it.

 

With all of the excitement happening at the quarry, I wonder what Tyler’s been getting up to? You know, aside from transitioning into a werewolf and getting shot. Oh look at that, he’s a nakers under a blanket. Who needs fashion when you look like that? Me - but I’m a modest kind of guy.

“Caroline, look! Check out my muscles!”

“Yeah...so about this trying to kill me thingy...stop it.”

Why Caroline chose Matt, who’s looking like a GQ version of a Big Buck Magazine cover boy in this hunting jacket, over Tyler is beyond my comprehension. I guess I like dumb jocks over the outdoorsy type.

Now for those of you who have adopted wearing a leather jacket everywhere due to watching Vampire Diaries, I present to you “How to Wear A Leather Jacket In the Event of a Potential Threat to Civilization” featuring Damon Salvatore.

Lesson One: Own that jacket. Whether you’re cracking jokes or skulls.

Lesson Two: Crazy Eyes with a dash of Murderer Mouth adds to the clout your jacket carries.

Lesson Three: Don’t wear leather to a funeral, however, substitute it with a fitted suit and abandon the tie. Still badass, still sexy, always Damon.

*I was born to be a mediocre copywriter*

Here’s a tidbit of info that should not come as a surprise: I hate waffle prints. I don’t understand them and I don’t care to; don’t even get me started on ribbed cotton. Jeremy seems to have a penchant for the textured fabrics and if he wasn’t so darn cute, I’d hold it against him.

I definitely won’t win over any diehard Vampire Diaries fans but I’ll say this anyway: John Gilbert is a total fox. Well, in this episode anyway. The fitted shirt, biker style jacket and jeans that are tighter than any dad’s I’ve ever met are working for the vampire hunter. Too bad he’s dead. Like our love.

So what was my favourite bit of menswear this week? Jeremy’s funeral suit. The circumstances in which he had to bust it out are less than favourable because I loved me some Aunt Jenna but you can’t deny how good he looks.

The Last Dance, Part 1 of 3 - Before the dance

It's Decade Dance time! The Salvatore brothers sign over the family house to Elena to keep her safe. She gets cabin fever real fast and heads out to school despite an evil supposedly unkillable vampire being after her. Alaric isn't actually Alaric, he's Klaus. Sort of. It's a witchy thing. And he's kidnapped Katherine and has her stabbing herself repeatedly in the leg.  Meanwhile, in a bit of a misguided scooby gang scene, the good guys give away all their secrets to Klaus because they think he's Alaric (oops!). At the 1960s Decade Dance, Alaric/Klaus plays them all like a fiddle...that is, except for Bonnie and Damon. Those two may hate each other, but they came up with a pretty good plan to kill (not really!) Bonnie and fool Alaric/Klaus. And Elena, trouble magnet that she is, decides to pay a visit to the dead (not really!) vampire they keep in the basement.

Oh Alaric/Klaus! You kind of wrote this post for me. As he sifts through Alaric's closet, he ponders, "who is this guy? Safari Sam?"

I always thought Alaric was more woodsy Maine than safari, but clearly Klaus is on the same page as the YKYLF staff. His question to Katherine about what to wear is "bad? or badder?"

Based on Katherine's advice, he went for bad, since Alaric looks better in dark colours.

If Alaric survives this whole ordeal, I hope for his sake he forgets that he was possessed by an evil Original vampire. But I also hope that if he remembers anything, he remembers that he does look better in dark colours and that maybe his wardrobe sucks. If Buffy taught us anything, it's that vampire slayers don't need to dress like they're on safari.

Meanwhile, Katherine is once again stuck in the same dress for an extended period of time.

Oh Katherine, honey, I know. You feel disgusting and you'd kill a man to get your hands on a curling iron.

While Klaus is over criticizing Alaric's wardrobe and torturing Katherine (all before his morning coffee), a lawyer is signing over the Salvatore family home to Elena, who is just kicking back in a basic grey t-shirt, leggings and what appear to be some pretty cool boots.

Boots that kind of make her legs look like toothpicks. It's like she borrowed boots from Damon.

I'm impressed with the lawyer though. He knows his place and not once did he look suspicious that the homeowners were waiting outside while a minor signed the deed to their home.

While I do enjoy the leather jackets, I wonder why they don't expand their horizons just a little bit.

Elena's had to grow up pretty fast for teenager, what with three dead parents, an invasion of vampires and werewolves, and being a doppleganger that can make or break the curse for all vampires.  I don't know if that's growing up or post-traumatic stress. Whatever, like any minor who gets her own house she totally invites her best friend over for the signing. 

Bonnie's style baffles me. She wears those flowy empire waisted tops to show us how connected she is to the Earth, but then puts them with cute jackets that seem to have some serious detailing.

Elena clearly thinks a safe house is neato idea and figures she'll sleep at night (although - what about the rest of her family? And has anyone told her legal guardian she's moved in with her boyfriend and his sexier older brother?), but she also figures she needs to get to school. Heaven forbid she should stay in and get cabin fever. I don't know about you, but I'd take a marathon game of euchre with Damon over school any day (euchre may or may not be a euphemism. I'll let you decide).

Bonnie, who has a different jacket every week, seems to question her friend's need to constantly wear the leather jacket. But if you live in the Salvatore house, you must wear leather.  At least Bonnie's been a good influence on one Gilbert.

Ah Jeremy, still looking like a teenager, just a slightly more stylish one. Good work, Bonnie!

Now, here's the thing I don't get. I know he looks like Alaric, but...

...you'd think they'd notice his erratic behaviour. Like, forgetting what he's been teaching all week and what actually happened in the '60s.  At the very least, they should have taken him aside after class to ask if he was doing some day drinking by spiking the coffee with Baileys.  I guess Elena has more important things on her mind.

Decade Dance! I bet you thought I was going to say, "evil Original vampire who wants to kill her because she's some kind of mystical doppleganger", but no, it's a dance. I mean, who can think about evil vampires when you've got a chance to dress up?

Elsewhere at school, Caroline is also sporting a leather jacket.

I love her jacket, but what is it about this town and leather? It's like they're being outfitted by that Project Runway contestant who would only use leather for every challenge.

And while I usually love Caroline, I want to smack her for not noticing her boyfriend is turning out to be a giant vampire hating jerk.

I think he's wearing leather as well. Maybe suede. Some kind of cowhide. Regardless, Matt, you are not a cowboy. Ditch the hide, ditch the plaid and find something that fits.

And Caroline's vampire hating mom? Well, I don't know whether to feel bad for her or to applaud the costume department for keeping it real and not making the Sheriff's uniform more flattering.

Because those are some seriously high waisted, mom pants. My guess is they're made of a horrible fabric. She must be dying in them.

I will give props to the costume department for sometimes getting it right, like with Sheriff pants or teenagers. Because this week's extra, Dana, was totally dressed like most teens I see.

Poor Dana. Any extra that gets a name is bound to meet a horrible death within the week.  But even though she was the bearer of bad news and warned Elena that evil Klaus will be at the dance, Elena's mind was still on one thing.

Yay! Decade Dance! How can you not want to go to a dance when your boyfriend's family has kept everything, neatly labelled by era, from the past 100 years. What kind of storage place does that house have? Because it really should look like an episode of Hoarders if they've kept that much stuff.

And the Decade Dance brings up the really important questions in Elena's life. Like, how much do I actually want to live? And how much do I value my family and friends' lives? And more importantly: sexy hippie or Twiggy?

I vote Twiggy, but Elena never listens to anyone.

Over at Alaric's, Klaus' witchy friend is helping him get ready with what I like to call a "pre-game drink".

I question this witch's choice in tops, but he looks to be built like a brick shithouse (or a hockey player), and it's not easy to dress that frame.

Alaric/Klaus was in search of something vintage, but no go. Just a monochromatic drawer full of sweaters from the Gap and Banana Republic.

But Alaric's drawers are more than what they seem (not a euphemism!).

I guess this is why Jenna never got a drawer at Alaric's place.

The Last Dance, Part 2 of 3 - it's the 60s, can you dig it?

It's time for the Decade Dance! And holy cow! Does the Mystic Falls ever know how to throw a dance.

Seriously? I want to see what these guys do for Prom. Because that is some serious coin spent on a themed dance.

So what did Elena decide on?

 

"Sexy hippie" apparently. Except...she's less hippie, more mod. But after watching this episode, I think I've come to the conclusion that the 60s really were a confusing time, because no one was on the same page at this dance.

Since it is a high school dance, let's give out some awards. Best costume? Caroline Forbes as Jackie O...well, Jackie Kennedy.

The judges only criticism of her outfit is she didn't find better fitting gloves. These make her hands look like she's got serial killer gloves on.

Best couple costume? Well that one goes to Caroline Forbes as well. Good work at making Matt's suit look like he's in costume.

Best Last Minute Costume goes to Alaric/Klaus. For an evil vampire who just showed up in a strange town, in a strange dude's body, he figured out pretty fast how to put together a sleek mod outfit for the dance.

Klaus as Alaric seems like way more fun than Alaric as himself. I would totally party with this Alaric. He looks like he's going to cut a rug at any time. I bet he can do the mashed potato, the Freddie and the Frug.

He seems pretty proud of himself. And considering what he had to work with in Alaric's closet, he should be.

Next award is for Best Use of Paisley.

Excellent work Jeremy! Elena bought Bonnie's excuse that you were mopey about having to wear a costume for a reason. It's because you're generally mopey and against joining in on things like costumes. I think there was a Halloween episode where you went to the party in a hoodie, so the fact that you broke out paisley and a vest?  That might even get you Most Improved Dance Attendee as well.

The award for Most Confused by the 60s goes to Elena and Bonnie. Excellent costumes ladies, but you are not sexy hippies.

No, I wager that with those boots, your more mod than anything. Just because you've got a peace sign on, doesn't make you a hippie. Bonnie's boots however? They get an award all on their own.

Speaking of peace sign jewelery, I'm going to give Elena the award for Peace, Love and Corniness.

Damon didn't really try that hard, he just unbuttoned his shirt a little. But we'll give him Sexiest Chaperone award.

High school dances would have been so much better if this guy showed up at your dance to "chaperone".

Not quite the gratuitous shot of Damon's chest and abs that we've come to expect. But I'll take it.

And now for the moment where Stefan realizes that this is actually a costume party:

Ooooh...so that's why Elena was rooting through the box marked "'60s era outifts".

Damon, having lived through the '60s looks like he's not impressed with the teens of Mystic Falls. Stefan, who also lived through the '60s, but tends towards being a stick in the mud, is realizing this party would be way more fun if he actually dressed the part. 

And we have a few runner up prizes for our Extras. Like Dana in her adorable crocheted dress.

I know more than one girl who would maim to have that in their wardrobe this summer. And considering she's in Mystic Falls, she might actually get maimed or killed for her outfit.

And then there's the dude who realized he could wear his marching band jacket and look cool at the same time.

Props to you, random Sargeant Pepper fan. You weren't the only one at the dance who thought of this, but then, your friends in the marching band were probably all thinking the same thing. So that's okay. It was a better choice than the girl who wore an I Dream of Jeannie outfit (I wish I had a picture of that one for you).

As I mentioned, the '60s were really confusing. Even more so when you didn't live through them. So I guess I can forgive Chad from Third Period for this outfit.

It's got more a Scarface vibe going on than '60s. But hey! Klaus thought Watergate happened in the '60s.

He did try to make up for it by forming a little gang. When they came out to talk to Jeremy, they definitely tried hard to give it that West Side Story/Outsiders sort of feeling. A few well timed snaps and I totally would have bought them as a gang in the '60s

Again with the confusion over how to dress for the decade. Tied dyed guy looks like he phoned it in and the other guy looks like he didn't even bother to dress up.

Finally, I'm going to give an award for Most Melodramatic Death at a High School Dance.

I'm glad Bonnie didn't die, if only so her final scenes weren't so over the top and cheesy. Bonnie deserves a better death than that. Although the sparks were a nice touch. She'll have to remember that when she tries to kill Klaus for reals.

Know Thy Enemy, Part 3 of 3 - All the Rest

After spending some time with Señor Tequila, Jenna decides she’s fulfilled her parent-figure duties and locks herself in her room to make Elena’s mother’s return all about her. At least this allows us to get a good look at her very cute equestrian-style boots.

The next day, she switches out the equestrian boots for a daytime appropriate pair of brown ones, the better for storming around the foyer.

She flounces around looking way more styled than one would expect from someone who just spent the night devastated over lies and betrayal. Then again, you can only pout in your room for so long before getting bored, so she probably decided to kill some time by flat-ironing her hair around 5 am. 

 Jeremy doesn’t do much beyond follow Bonnie and occasionally ask exposition-enabling questions, but he’s pretty cute while doing it. With Stefan masquerading as a high schooler but looking as if he’s stepped out of an Abercrombie store, it’s nice to be reminded of how an actual teenage boy dresses.

Speaking of teenage boys, the oldest looking mortal high schooler in all the land is still reeling after learning that Caroline is a vampire. I’m going to take this opportunity to let it be known that I hate those fur collared Sherpa jackets. I don’t know why, but they’ve always bugged me. It’s fitting then that Matt, who always inexplicably kind of bugs me, is wearing a Sherpa jacket.

My favorite part of watching a tv show is keeping an eye on the extras or the minor characters. After doing several takes of a scene in which they don’t have much to do besides react or open a door, they start giving their characters some major attitude.

Those poor cater-waiters. Not only are they traumatized by John’s lifeless body, they’re stuck wearing truly hideous uniforms. I didn’t think anything could clash with khaki, but these vests have proven me wrong.

I hope these actors thought of a backstory for their characters. I’ve decided that they are brother and sister, and they’re catering to support their vaudeville act.

Then you have Isobel’s chauffer, owner of a giant belt buckle and a whole lot of attitude. See, Damon? It’s possible to wear black but switch it up occasionally. I’m not suggesting you wear this outfit, but I just want you to see the possibilities.

This may be my character choice ever. As he opens the door for Isobel and Elena, the chauffer pops one leg out in this wonderfully impatient, quietly sassy stance.

There is an entire character in that belt buckle and bent leg – a character I want to get to know. Is he a vampire? Is he working for Klaus? Think about the possibilities of the two of them drinking wine and gossiping – you know they would come up with some awesome schemes. At the very least, can he be on Katherine’s makeover show, “Your Style Bites?”

Katherine is far too evil to be without a henchman, and this chauffer is definitely the man for the job.