And When I Die - Part 2 of 2 - Saints

I just wanted to take a minute to appreciate the fact that for the first time in three seasons (flashbacks notwithstanding) we got to see Gran -- albeit in a nightgown with dirt in her hair, on Halloween, for the purpose of dispelling Marni's effed up witch-spirit. Poor Gran was the first emotionally significant casualty of the whole series, way back in season one. Sigh. Sookie still isn't over it, really.

Whoops, I guess I should have warned against gratuitous multiple-vampire feeding... Sookie looks superfierce though. The denim is nice, the floral T is sweet, and the leather jacket! Be still my heart, Sookie, you've finally graduated from Delia*s hoodies?! That's my girl.

And can we talk about Sookie's awesome knotted bun? Casual but feminine. And super hot. A+!!!

They went to some pains to make Tara look sweet and loving in this episode, even though this girl has been through Hell and back multiple times (do not pass "GO," do not collect $200) and has a lot of anger and crazy pent up inside of her to show for it. Unlike Sookie, who tends to have crazy stuff happen to her and then she carries on somehow, Tara has shown a lot of signs in the last season or two of real wear and tear on her sanity. But her hair looks lovely here, and I like the pink top on her...

...but not the denim suit. The wash is too light and the two items are the same wash. Tara, honey, what happened to your cagefighter leather and combat boots???

Oh, poor Sam. No family left (poor Tommy!) except the hope of building new family with Luna and Emma now that all the bad nasty people are dead (the Mickens, Marcus, etc). Sam looks sharp in a suit, you gotta admit.

Even when he's the only one at his brother Tommy's funeral other than Maxine Fortenberry....

...who, although sporting her usual over-the-top fabrics and styles, looks really nice in spite of it all, and genuinely loved Tommy (even though he was a conniving little cuss). Her words of wisdom are actually even comforting to Sam, and it is possible that Hell also froze over while she was making her speech about family and life. Who knew she had it in her?!

Luna and Emma show up to the funeral at the last moment, looking equally lovely in funeral-appropriate darks, but with a splash of pattern from Luna, who is also a contender for Bon Temps' Most Fashion Forward now that Sookie has lost all of her sundresses.

Although Holly's devastating Halloween costume is beyond anything I could ever have imagined her in, she did a lot of good deeds this week so I'm putting her on the saints list anyway.

Besides, the costume itself is actually almost impressively awful.

And of course, since it's Halloween suddenly (what?) Arlene and Terry show up to work at Merlotte's dressed as zombies. Extremely PG-rated zombies. (Also, shout out to Arlene's kids, who are dressed as an alien/monster and Teen Mom. Kudos, kids.)

Poor Jesus. Poor, poor, POOR Jesus. I can't even stand it. He was such a wonderful character.... on so many levels.... one of them being that his eyes matched any blue or green item of clothing he ever had on, and his hair was so ruffly and friendly.... Oh, that, and he had lots of juju to save people with. But. Yes. Erm. Sadface dot com slash bye hottie.

In conclusion, all I really have to say is that we're in for a regular good old fashioned revengefest next season. There's a whole heap of trouble happenin' in Bon Temps and our unfortunate heroes (Sookie and... well... whoever else, I guess) are going to have their work cut out for them. I am thrilled that we were able to recap this season, though, and I look forward to the next one, even if there are zombies a-comin'.... See y'all next summer!

Burning Down The House - Part 2 of 2 - BRB, Just Gonna Chill In The Sun

First, let’s get this out of the way: Arlene and Terry in their robes. Come on guys, can’t you switch it up just a little? The whole “Madam Butterfly” role playing game has got to feel stale. At least in his normal clothes, Terry looks rather fetching... for a gun toting Southerner who’s always one step away from a mental breakdown. Andy, you... well... you just keep doing what you're doing. Try and get off the junk, huh?

Oh look, we have a fashion challenge on our hands! Who wore it better: the drape edition. First we have Antonia, rocking a truly inspired hair care regimen. Girlfriend was into teased locks back during the Inquisition. Points for the hair, but demerits for the stained tarp she’s been rocking for centuries. I don't care if you're a ghost - figure it out. On the other hand, Marni's decided to update that whole “persecuted witch” look with a (surprise!) belted sheet and limp hair. Hmm, tough call ladies but, in my professional opinion, I’m going to say that Antonia wins. Why? She was burned at the stake when owning a hairbrush was a luxury meant for aristocrats... what’s Marni’s excuse? 

Speaking of excuses, here’s a pathetic one for a coven. Did Marnie swing by Berkley for a few freshmen before starting her little witch organization? This looks like the Invasion of the Crunchy Clan. Antsy about being held captive? Why don't you just magic up some more quinoa, sir?

Guess who hasn’t changed clothes because they’re in a hostage situation? Holly and Tara! It’s nice to see the ladies bond.

He might be concerned for his cousin, but Lafayette doesn’t let a little grief rain on his fashion parade. Girl, can we talk about the slippers? Comfort over style? Who do you think you are - Sookie?

At least in the unending parade of patronizing looks from Jesus, he manages to pull together a more subdued, yet fashionable look. That robe? It’s nothing to write a blog about...

 but darling sugar-pie honeybunch, those boots? Let’s get married, you sultry Latin ‘mo. I’ve even forgiven you for wearing cargo pants. Well, I’m still working on that but I promise I’ll get over it. Sorry, but they're never coming back. No matter how many GAP commercials you reference.

Of course, it’s better than your freaky tribal look. Ew. I hate ear stretchers.

Hoyt seems pretty stoked to have broken up with Jessica. Or, to have been broken up with by Jessica. Either way, he’s the most adorable mama’s boy I’ve ever met. Actually, I’ve had a crush on Hoyt since Season One. You may have noticed that I have a proclivity towards men of a larger nature. That’s why I think Hoyt, in this hideous ribbed v-neck, is far more attractive than Jason. 

Yeah, I said it - I’ll pause for a collective gasp. Jason, you going to be OK?

You guys, is he wearing yoga pants? That cut off at the calf? I don’t care if they’re sweatpants rolled up, they look like short yoga pants. Even for yoga, short pants are never a good idea. That’s why we have shorts. Repetition is the most effective learning tool.

Somehow, in this sea of American Apparel hoodies and scooping neck lines for men, I don’t have total confidence in our miniature Scooby Squad. Though it is slightly refreshing to see Lafayette without a head covering; too bad he has that dreadhawk thing going on. 

So, if you’re a supernatural being, and you know when weird things are happening, do you involve yourself in some way? Or do you shack up with a dirty trick who offers you the possibility of more V and a werebaby? Wait... don’t answer that... Debbie’s beat you to the punch.

Alcide wasn’t topless this week, even though Debs was pretty darn close. Shame. Even though he doesn’t do a bad job of filling out this plaid shirt, I’ve become accustomed to seeing some skin every week. Best part of this photo? The way Alcide dwarfs Sam; the man is a brickhouse!

So is that why Sam looks pretty distraught? I mean, he is sporting the same shirt as before, but it’s a nice shade of blue and the fabric seems to be all natural - what’s the problem? 

Oh. Right. The whole Tommy dying thing. Sorry Tommy, it was fun while it lasted (content edited for, you know, gross amounts of blood).

Just two episodes left! Brace yourself for next week friends - I have a feeling it's going to be over the top. Much like Marnie's belt was over her jacket.

Spellbound - part 2 of 2 - Team Leather

We found out this week that Marcus is Luna's crazy werewolf ex. I guess that isn't a total surprise, since there aren't that many werewolves on the show, and we already knew Marcus is crazy. But still... gross.

As if the greasy hair and the greasy beard weren't enough, he's combining a denim shirt with a leather jacket? And with a bonus undershirt of greasy chest hair? I'd say Sam is quite the upgrade in the man department, even bearing in mind his slightly insane skinwalker brother...

Yeah, I'm talking about you, Tommy. However, I have to give him credit for his Maxine disguise. Everything was believable apart from the telltale spiky bangs hairdo that we all associate with Tommy:

Nice try. But Maxine, for all her faults, always has her hair in a flawless, hairsprayed helmet:

She's like, "Would anybody believe that I would allow that dissheveled hairdo anywhere near this head? Hell, no!" Also, I like how she's in purple-in-purple and the news reporter is in blue-on-blue. That would look nice on the local news.

Also looking nice on the local news? Bill, who has taken my suit-wearing advice to heart and shows up in a total Don Draper-inspired look (maybe he's been shopping the new Mad Men collection at Banana Republic?)

Check out the crease on his trousers. Flawless. He's clearly presenting the new, more handsome, less scary public face of vampires. Not sure about the tie though.

Bill changes back into his same mandarin-collar black leather jacket for the big showdown with Marnie/Antonia, which is apparently part of the dress code for season-ending, late-night cemetary showdowns.

Seriously. I have to assume that in an unaired scene, everybody in attendance at the cemetary battle was told to wear leather jackets. Check it:

1) Marnie's very cute fitted leather jacket with lots of stitch detailing:

2) Pam's leather jacket of spiked, studded badassery:

and 3) Tara's leather jacket of meh:

Why did Bill get Pam to stop killing Tara? Out of loyalty to Sookie?

Maybe he has plans to help her improve her wardrobe, because girlfriend has got to get it together. Cargo skinny khakis and a pink cammo shirt? For reals?

How is this woman related to Lafayette, who so consistently hits it out of the park? Where did she buy that top? Does anybody care?

Other unnamed members of Marnie's coven get kick-ass looks like this:

Can this girl be Sookie's new BFF next season?

And to my great despair, there was no Shirtless Alcide this week. There was Alcide wearing his same yummy caramel jacket from last week, while being so sweet to Debbie (WHO DOES NOT DESERVE HIM).

Like, is that acidwash she's got on? Run, Alcide!

By far, though, the best moment of the episode was when Alcide swept in through the fog with his big shoulders and his handsome face to carry Sookie off to safety.

If Sookie continues to ignore his RED HOT HOTNESS after this rescue, I don't know what to think. Why hang out with amnesiac Eric when you've got Alcide, in all his hotness, throwing himself at you? Pretty tough life, being Sookie Stackhouse.

Oh wait, she totally got shot this week. I guess it is kind of tough. Still... wake up and smell the werewolf!

I Wish I Was the Moon - Part 2 of 2 - Moonshadow

So, we've looked at this week's baddies. This week's heroes were kind of grey, too. It's reached that point of the season where it's hard to tell who's a good guy and who's a bad guy.

Well, we know Sookie's always a good guy. She started off the episode having the pretty yellow sundress from last week ripped off by Erik, but they were sadly interrupted. She then changed into this cute pink hoodie and jean shorts for the rest of the episode.

I like her red sneakers here, too. Did they cast Anna Paquin for her ability to look fabulous in shorts, or did they start dressing her in shorts because Anna Paquin looks so cute? This is a chicken and egg scenario, and I don't suppose we'll ever know.

Tara was also wearing bright pink this week... and no pants.

It's really quite bad-ass of her to grab a gun and answer the door without first putting on a pair of pants. But when it turns out just to be her girlfriend visiting from New Orleans, it all works out OK.

Especially because Naomi's zebra-print top kind of fits in with Lafayette's leopard-print decorating scheme.

I LOVE Naomi's bronze nail polish. What, isn't that what you were looking at when they started making out? ... Just me?

Check out Tara and Naomi, being a functional couple in their complementary outfits! This is the most normal relationship Tara's ever been in, right?

I don't love Lafayette's look here, but he's well outside of his comfort zone in Jesus' Abuelo's Mayan magic shack. I do love that Lafayette is still wearing false lashes. I think he'd feel naked without them.

But we don't have to see that track jacket or those jeans or the yellow bandana again. Ever. OK? Thanks.

Note: this is Sam, not Tommy-pretending-to-be-Sam. I know it can be confusing, because Real Sam is not wearing plaid this week. I can't hate on him too much, though, because he looks really good in these cowboy shirts and jeans. Carry on, shapeshifter.

To anyone who says that the men of Bon Temps all dress alike, I present to you, Alcide. Take note, Jason and Hoyt and Sam and Tommy: this is called a henley. They look especially great on men with extremely muscley torsos.

And if you're going to wear a plaid shirt? Try it with a retro 1970s-inspired brown leather jacket. Yum.

Now, I don't know where Terry and Arlene got these jackets after their house burned down, but I love them. Terry in this Member's Only jacket, comforting his pet armadillo? Priceless. And Arlene's crocheted hoodie looks nice and cozy, the sort of thing you'd want to wrap yourself up in after your possibly-demon-spawn burns down your house.

Poor Luna. She finally decides to take the plunge and date Sam on the exact same day that the role of Sam is being played by his psychopath brother. When she was like, "I know this isn't a mistake!" could she hear the True Blood fans around the world shaking their heads and saying, "Oh honey."

I agree with Kim's call on this as outfit of the week. It's totally my #2 pick and was really cute, for the 0.5 seconds that she was wearing it. Poor her.

Not much to report about Jessica's outfit this week, since the only thing she wore was her Merlotte's uniform. I just wanted to point out how pretty she is. Look at her hair! She is GORGEOUS! That is like, Pretty Little Liars hair! And, considering she was possibly the only waitress at Merlotte's that night (Arlene and Holly busy with their house fires and Sookie fired), she seems remarkably composed.

And Eric wore the sleeveless hoodie and board shorts for the 50000th time in a row. I still love him, even if his outfit is tragic and his haircut is borderline tragic. Look at the puppydog eyes! Even the vampire king couldn't bring himself to kill such a cute little guy.

So Bill's a bad guy... or maybe not? And Eric's a good guy... for now. By next week, I predict that some of these roles will be even harder to differentiate, especially if Marnie starts necromancing all of the vampires.

Can't wait!

Me and the Devil - Part 2 of 2 - A Vulgar Display of Power

I honestly can't do any better than Bill's beekeeper comment.

Yeesh. No wonder she's upset. Maybe a little pop of color would detract from the rotting face? Perhaps a fun bow or a statement necklace?

While Pam is sinking into zombieland, Bill is looking kingly in his pinstripe suit with coordinating tie and pocket square. All hail the King!

And he takes off the jacket while glamouring Marnie. I guess to be less threatening? More "I'm here to help you" and less "I'm here to kill you"? So thoughtful, that Bill. That's the mark of a good leader.

After glamouring Marnie, Bill has a little meeting with his Sheriffs. Sheriff on the left looks like he should be out inventing the next Facebook, whereas I'd like to talk to the Sheriff on the right about stock portfolio options.

Yeah, only two of these guys look like they're ready to take care of Vamp biz, and it's neither the banker nor the hacker.

Godric, welcome back from prep school! How'd the lacrosse team do this season? Smashing. Let's have a brandy in the study and decide if you're going to Dartmouth or Yale.

I'm putting Tara in this group 'cause she done sinned! Don't you know you're not supposed to lie about your identity to your new lesbian girlfriend?

Although, her fashion crimes are minimal. The hoodie above is blah, but I like the purple shoe laces and the flattering purple t-shirt with big hoops. Also the sweet braid in her hair reminds us that she's not 100% cage fighter. Yet.

These ladies, however, belong in fashion jail. Sure it's the 1600s, and they're probably poor, and it's the fashion of the day, and etc, etc. Whatever. I'm not buying it. Are these not witches? Can they not conjure up some better threads? As an aside, is it just me, or does the witch on the right look like she's just chillin'? That sprawled-out body language makes me think she's not too concerned about what's to come. Ladies, I think you have a mole in your midst!

I don't trust Jessica, either. Although props to Jason for getting the fantasy so detailed that he even gave her a nice manicure.

Nor do I trust Eric, who's still wearing Jason's hoodie and board shorts.

The borrowing from Jason isn't what really disturbs me, though. It's his increasing resemblance to Gareth from the UK version of The Office. I can only think about one TV show at a time.

...but apparently Sookie can multi-task. Either that, or they don't get BBC America in Bon Temps.