True Blood: Sunset

Does the sun ever set on an episode of True Blood? Because it seems like it's always nighttime in Bon Temps. Well, apparently a metaphorical sunset is happening in this town - the time of mainstreaming is slowly dying and the time of vampire rule is coming...or at least that's what Salome and the gang are counting on (RIP Kibwe). Bill and Salome fall deeper into their religious delusions while Eric and Nora break out of theirs (and the Authority). Sam and Luna finally track down Emma in the Authority 'factory farm', just in time for Sam to volunteer to be Bill's next meal. Pam is arrested, Andy has to answer to his fairy baby-mama, Sookie consults an ancient (and super-hippy) fairy elder, and Russell tracks down the secret fairy nightclub (start linin' the shots up, faes!).

My, there was quite the revolving door at Vamp HQ this week! Jessica left (and came back); Eric, Nora, Russell and Steve left; Sam, Luna and Pam came in. Alas, there was a revolving of people but not so much of fashion. Several people were sporting the same outfits as last week. Geez, don't Salome, Jessica and Nora understand that we have to write recaps EVERY WEEK. You are powerful women! The least you could do is throw on a new pair of earrings. Do you think Hilary Clinton got to where she is because she DIDN'T put time and effort into her outfits??! Hrm, never mind...

Anyhoo, I can't hate on them too much because they may have the same outfits on but at least they are hot - so hot they are worth posting two weeks in a row. Observe:

Salome in her Vamp standard-issue black leather jacket, goth necklace and gorg hair.

And the other She-of-the-same-outfit-and-gorgeous-hair (ok seriously is there something in all the blood that they drink that really nourishes the scalp!?). Leave it to Jess to make a hot pink tee and zebra-print skinny jeans look...not trashy.

Remember this rockin' burgundy dress with leather trimmed cutout back on Nora last week? Well, here it is again in all it's stylin' glory:

So pretty.

Nora, I gotta say I was worried about your style when the show started, but you have been wearing some fab frocks lately - keep it up, buttercup!

Ok, now moving onto the characters who actually changed their clothes this week. Sookie had to hide out in fairyland for a bit since they discovered that there is basically a bounty on her head. Unfortunately she had to borrow some fairy clothes, which, as we all know, are not exactly subdued:

Why hello, Bon Temps Barbie, nice of you to drop in. While I do appreciate the cut and I like me a vibrant colour, this just screams Pepto-Prom to me. A sweater covered in nipple-like jewels over bright pink taffeta may be ragin' fairy clubwear, but methinks it's a tad overdressed for super-Vamp fighting. Alas, a cute sundress this ain't.

Pam-sicle agreed to let Jessica hide out in her basement (and even lent her a coffin - what a consummate hostess), then later let the Authority punks (in their "Expendables" black combatwear, including berets) arrest her for the murder of Eric's sheriff replacement. I don't even remember his name, that's how quick of a blip he was on the show. As you may remember, this is a murder that TARA committed. Pam would never admit it, but deep down she's such a do-gooder. She's also fashionable - she continues her "Victorian Dominatrix" look with this fab corseted top.

Beware the Bitchface!

I am envious of her small waist and her ability to simultaneously look ladylike and intense. The tweed, high neckline and curls are very "lady-vamp who lunches" while the black leather straps and fingerless gloves say "don't f&*# with me or I'll run you over with my motorcycle".

Looks like the fabness runs in the family because Tara was rocking a wicked outfit this week too:

This ombre leather jacket is so cool (SO much cooler than just plain black) and I actually find the leopard-print pants to be fun without being over the top. The dangly earrings and sexy sneer complete the ensemble. Jessica implied that Tara would like to borrow more than just Pam's clothes, if you know what I'm saying. Tara denies it, but even so, could you blame her for being in love?

This week we were introduced to yet another (short-lived) character - a fairy 'elder' who has apparently been alive, like, forever and pretty much has all the thoughts and words in the entire world running around inside her head (eeks, and I can barely remember what I had for supper 4 days ago). You guys, this woman is a total kook, for reals - she breaks into interpretive dances spontaneously, asks non-sensical questions and wears a way over-the-top dress and necklace. In fact, I am pretty sure I see her on my bus every day.

Over-the-top DOES seem to be the fairy fashion motto, doesn't it? This dress isn't terrible, the print is just a tad loud and it looks like it's partially made from tinfoil (wonder if she can pick up HBO?). I will give her this - her hair is fabulous. And she thinks Ke$ha is a bad singer and speller, so that means we are besties. 

Alas, the men of Bon Temps were a huge bore this week - Eric wore (WHOAOUTOFCHARACTER!) a long-sleeve black shirt and black pants, Bill actually wore a black blazer that was quite nice but stuck with his usual (yawn) uniform of black and/or jeans, Jason wore his sherrif's uniform (which earns a few points for hotness, but, again - snooze), and Sam wore...well nothing. Unless you count white mouse fur.

Alcide was BY FAR the best dressed man this week:

*putstonguebackintomouthwipesupdrool*

Sure, he wore his usual uniform too, but he's allowed. In fact, I insist.

True Blood: Gone, Gone, Gone

Episode Synopsis: the Authority continues to pretend that they aren't devout Sanguinists, but Russell tires of that, vowing to "have the sun", aka fairy blood. Eric pretends to accept Lilith, and Bill brings Jessica to the AVL to keep her safe. Back in Bon Temps, Sookie and Jason find a contract that gives them another puzzle to figure out, Tara offs the new sheriff, Jessica glamors Hoyt into forgetting all about her and Jason, and Sam and Luna go on a rescue mission as mice. You know, just the usual shenanigans.

Let's start things off fabulously, shall we? Lafayette's over-the-top ridiculous ensembles are back, complete with headscarf and giant sparkly 'L' buckle. Just in case you forgot who he was.

I'm going to ignore the single feather earring (does Lala watch Pretty Little Liars?), because the leopard print tank + sparkly sweater? AWESOME.

Also note-worthy: his baby blue snakeskin kicks. Did you steal these from Billy?

I think Pam's outfit confirms that they read YKYLF in Bon Temps.

Clearly she borred this look from Zoe's collection of spiked leather jackets. But the leather dress? All Pam. Plus her hair is looking back to its glam self after the horrid crimping mess of late.

...or apparently I spoke too soon? It looks like Pam let a three-year-old play hairdresser on her (as if...Pam wouldn't go near a kid with a ten-foot pole). Love the merlot, Victorian inspired dress, though.

Speaking of Pam and her progeny, Tara is seriously killing it. The McQueen-esque jacket and spiked jewellery are a far cry from her old wardrobe. Vamp=fabulous as far as I'm concerned.

So in love with Tara's cobalt leather jacket. She accessorizes nicely with a giant sword from Eric's Viking days.

Actually, no, the sword was to kill Eric's sad replacement, Nigel, who favors Mardi Gras jewels and ripped jeans. Thank goodness he's gone. I really didn't feel like recapping his outfits.

Let's hope Eric will be back soon to take his rightful place, because the poor boy is still trapped in the AVL's headquarters, divested of his leather jacket.

Probably because the rest of the Authority didn't want anyone thinking he was a part of their leather brigade... there seems to be a predilection to leather in the AVL, no?

They've even got Jess in on it!

They do branch out, though. Like Salome's elegant, but boring navy dress.

Or Nora's awesome burgundy cutout dress.

I guess jewel tones are the thing at the AVL. Jewel tones and leather. Just in case you get an invite to one of their parties.

And then there's Rosalyn, a proper Southern women in her pearls and tweed jackets.

Or Kibwe (that's really his name. I looked it up Wikipedia.) and his bizarre patterns and odd choice of a cravat and grandpa sweater.

Back to Jessica. She actually looks like... a normal teenager. Not a fabulous baby vamp whose daddy is the King.

Mad love for her dangly heart earrings though. It's all about the accessories.

And accessorizing with weapons is the new thing! Here Sookie pairs her blah floral pjs with a sleek gun.

I honsetly think Bill needs to come back to Bon Temps because Sookie is in a sartorial rut. WHERE ARE THE CUTE SUNDRESSES?!? Here we have a conservative rose-printed dress... paired with adorable slippers. Oh Sookie, so predictable.

Maybe she can learn a thing or two from her fairy friends. Morella is an absolutely stunning in this silk handkerchief dress. I love the pattern, and the color is totally in line with the fae's tendency towards the gaudy/tacky.

Speaking of tacky, that's exactly what Morella's costume jewellery is.

And the fae-boys are in on it, too. Not many guys can pull off Chinese-inspired silk tops. It must be a fairy thing, because Claude does it effortlessly.

Wait... do you think Lafayette could be a fairy? Who but La-La gives the fae a run for their money in the Tacky Olympics?

True Blood: Somebody That I Used to Know

Deep end, meet True Blood. True Blood, this is the deep end. As in, the one that y'all done gone off of. Sookie's trying to get rid of her magicalness while Eric, Bill and the Authority gang spin out of control with this whole Lillith thing. Well, except for Eric, who is the calm, clarity-filled one. I told you things were getting weird. Arlene enlists Lafayette's help to call upon the woman who cursed Terry, and guess what? Terry has to kill Patrick or vice-versa! Then there's Hoyt who is just plain old lost. Does he love Jessica? Does he not? Is he going to become a supernatural killer? Or not? Make up your mind! 

This was the same dress/jacket combo Sookie wore last episode, but I wanted to point out her boots (that you can't really see...sorry). I love that she toughened up a girly ensemble with some edgy kicks. 

Same jacket, different dress (this one is by Anthropologie). While we're still awaiting the return of full-blown florals on every outfit, sweet dresses like this one will have to do. At this point, I'll take pretty much anything over her Merlotte t-shirt and cutoffs. 

Sookie's best friend has not only transformed into a vampire but her entire wardrobe has transformed--into high-class stripper garb. This week, Tara trades in a zipper collar for what looks like an unbearably tight corset. Maybe that's why Tara is angry all the time...because she is always in the most uncomfortable workwear.

Vampires really do have more fun. Look at this sexy outfit Jessica gets to wear to find some lovin' at Fangtasia. Massive amounts of eye makeup complement the tousled, wavy hair. But my favorite part of the outfit--the fingerless gloves. How...vogue.  

Sidenote: I WANT her hair. 

Tara's better half also usually looks semi-uncomfortable in her clothing choices; however, Pam tries out a new hairstyle this week. Last week was 80s pop-star. This week, wannabe geisha. Surprising result--I think I prefer Pam's crimped look to this pile of hair. 

This has got be the most covered, most normal, most minimalist we have seen Arlene. Her fire engine red hair isn't so fire-enginey, Her clothes are not super-tight nor horribly mismatched. And is that a rhinestone applique on her chest? I think it is! How mom-like.  

This fairy gets my vote for best dressed of the week. Slightly flapper inspired with a dose of 2012 in the leather shorts, this fairy needs to help Sookie every week so we can see what other fabulous era-combinations she comes up with. 

Present Bill is so boring. No colors, no leather, no print, no nothing.

But early 1900s Bill...

...is oh-so-dapper. 

Salome continues her fashion reign of supremacy with this emerald green gown. She is always so put together but also relaxed in her luxurious outfit choices. 

More Alexander McQueen...

 

Like really? Who can wear a deep-v, sheer long-sleeve, black dress and look good? Apparently Salome can, which also means she can stand at the head of the table. 

Nora is slowly but surely coming up to Salome's standards in the wardrobe department. Maybe this dress was one of Salome's castoffs that wasn't quite right? It's not quite right for Nora either but at least she is not chanting craziness in a UV punishment cell anymore. 

This Authority member had an absolutely terrible skirt-suit last week but she steps up this week (must be the after-effects of all that wild partying). Loving the teal and heather gray color combo. 

And I leave you with little piece of creepiness. I will pray for the day that Steve Newlin buys a new sweater. He shouldn't have to borrow his human father's sweaters anymore, right?!

True Blood: In The Beginning

Tonight, on a very special True Blood... Russell, Eric and Bill and the remaining chancellors get CRUNK on Lilith's blood and storm out onto the streets of New Orleans. A good time is had by all (except the people they kill) culminating with a naked lady springing out of the spilled blood. Hey there, Lilith! Lafayette goes to Don Bartolo's casa in Mexico to get some answers on Jesus' fate, but instead gets all tied up and tortured. At the last second before Lala is killed, Don's preggo girlfriend straight-up murders Don Bartolo. WHOSE SIDE IS SHE ON and what's in her belly because totes it isn't human.

ALSO: Sam helps Andy hunt down the hate crime perps, Alcide "trains" to kick his packmaster's ass, Jason shoots Jess in the head, Tara's mom disowns her, and Hoyt joins the aforementioned hate group. It was a busy night.

I'd like to start things off here on a positive note, so here's Alcide's abs. Homina homina homina! Although Martha is kinda right when she calls him "Rambo." What is that bandanna, Alcide?

Ok, that was pleasant. Now for the rest of the recap.

We see the return of some floral prints to Sookie's wardrobe, layered with boots and a dark denim jacket. Super cute for visiting Luna and Sam in the hospital and also nice for moments of riveting self-doubt and existential crisis. It's an appropriately dark ensemble, I suppose.

Bless Jess for adding color to the insanity! I am starting to think she has the most costume changes in the whole show. This silky robe is loud, yes, but fun, and suits her wild and fickle tastes. Also, her hair looks fab.

Right, hair! This crimped hair is an interesting development compared to Pam's usual voluptuous curls. It's... uh... fun? Maybe she was feeling nostalgic for the 80s?

80s Pam. Now there's a thought. I do believe I'd enjoy seeing the various vamps throughout the various decades. Can you imagine Eric in the 60s?

But let's focus on Tara in the 2010s. Holy -- ! Well, I suppose this was only a matter of time. Since, you know, Pam is her maker. Wow. Also, not the outfit I'd want to be caught dead in when my mom walked in. (You get it? Dead? Cause Tara's a vampire now? Haha....right.) The zipper-choker looks particularly uncomfortable.

Poor Tara's mom - a minister's wife in Fangtasia. Those gloves. The feathered hair. That print. How insanely awkward.

Wait, no, I don't feel bad for her. She was a psycho alcoholic who beat Tara with glass bottles in previous seasons. That was insane.

Speaking of insane, the fairy nightclub workers look like Britney Spears backup dancers from the Circus tour. Or rather, if a high school drama director was going for the Britney Spears Backup Dancer Look. So confusing.

How many layers does she have on, anyway? It looks like this outfit would take a very long time to get into.

Club Fae is too much. How about a palette cleanser? 

Oh, Nora. Eric is so totally pissed at you. But your hair is so perfectly neat and your snug black blazer is so simple and elegant! I'm hoping we'll get to see Nora in something more fancy, but it's hard when Salome is around, hogging the fashion spotlight.

See, look at these goddess-curls and the gold cuff. Her black silhouette is not a slinky little dress like one might think, oh no -- it's a pantsuit. Palazzo pants, I might add. With an obi-style leather belt (I'm assuming leather because pleather is not a vamp's style.) She looks gorgeous as usual, so it's no wonder everyone goes along with the plan and drinks up.

Especially when the other chancellors consider this outfit haute couture. Seriously, who is this vamp and who is her stylist??

Well you know Russell is a happy camper, now that he's been brought back to full power by the Authority, no less. His blue tie is actually really nice here, despite how much I dislike him as a being and wish that Bill and Eric had killed him when they had the chance.

This girl singing karaoke for her drunk and teary family (and presumably new husband in the front row) both stands and dresses like a Glee reject. I actually thought they were trying to reference Wizard of Oz with the blue dress and green curtains in the back -- she looked like Dorothy for a hot second. Oh, and I would make a crack about ruby slippers and the amount of blood she's about to lose, but I won't.

Bill and Eric are STILL wearing their leather jackets, dark tees and dark denim. That makes...what? Two outfits this entire season? Maybe three?

I just wanted to point out that at some point during their drunk rampage in N'Awlins, Bill gets a piggy back ride from Eric. You're welcome.

True Blood: Hopeless

Part 2 of 2: The Ladies

Sookie, True Blood's patron saint of dysfunction, continues to dress like a teenage girl. Then again, if you have the body of a 16-year-old, why not dress like one, right? I actually like the floral waffle-weave shirt she wears the morning after her sleepover with Alcide (apparently they really did just sleep):

This print is pretty and I'm happy to see some COLOUR up in this bish. It looks comfy, like something you would wear camping, but for a girl's-only camping trip (with electrical hookups for your hair straightener, natch). 

Later, for her trip to the fairy nightclub, she wears another comfy-yet-cute top:

You can't go wrong with polka-dots, really, and it is practical for an after-dark stroll in a damp field but it really doesn't say 'fairy nightclub' to me. She's a) too covered up, b) not wearing any lingerie as clothing, and c) is completely devoid of any glitter. Honey, your name most certainly will not be on the guest list.

My pick for best dressed of the week has to go to my girl, Salome - damn, that girl is smokin'! Her name would not only be on the list at every fairy nightclub but she'd have a reserved booth and free champagne (well, you know, if she didn't eat the help). 

Wicked shoulders, plunging v-neck and gothic jewelry. I could do without the Jo March bun, but I definitely lurve the hair up with the super-sexy ensemble. Now THIS is a lady.

More GUESS...

That's right, girl, use your assets to get ahead. Like Missy Elliot said 'ain't no shame, ladies do your thang'. Just make sure you're ahead of the game, girlfriend.

Really, the only other woman worth mentioning (aka. the only other woman that actually changed outfits) was Martha, shown here modelling the latest fabulous furs from the Paris collections:

Wow, I didn't think it was possible for a puppy to look creepy, but look at those eyes! Minus the whole 'burn a hole in your skull thing', Emma looks super soft and cuddly.

When she visits Luna and Sam in the hospital, Martha wears the ultimate True Blood uniform - a henley and a plaid shirt TOGETHER! 

I have to say, I do like the colours in this plaid and girl has some wicked hair, but all that makeup is way harsh...and would it kill her to smile? It's not like there is someone running around killing all her people or something...oh wait...

Mkay, moving on! Ladies, I have to be honest, if it weren't for Salome I would have just fast-forwarded through all your parts this week. I would scold you, but I am pretty sure the expressions on Holly and Arlene's faces can convey my feelings much better than any lecture I could impart:

I know your men are running you over the coals right now, but has it ever occurred to you that this might have something to do with your wardrobe? Think about it.