And When I Die - Part 2 of 2 - Saints

I just wanted to take a minute to appreciate the fact that for the first time in three seasons (flashbacks notwithstanding) we got to see Gran -- albeit in a nightgown with dirt in her hair, on Halloween, for the purpose of dispelling Marni's effed up witch-spirit. Poor Gran was the first emotionally significant casualty of the whole series, way back in season one. Sigh. Sookie still isn't over it, really.

Whoops, I guess I should have warned against gratuitous multiple-vampire feeding... Sookie looks superfierce though. The denim is nice, the floral T is sweet, and the leather jacket! Be still my heart, Sookie, you've finally graduated from Delia*s hoodies?! That's my girl.

And can we talk about Sookie's awesome knotted bun? Casual but feminine. And super hot. A+!!!

They went to some pains to make Tara look sweet and loving in this episode, even though this girl has been through Hell and back multiple times (do not pass "GO," do not collect $200) and has a lot of anger and crazy pent up inside of her to show for it. Unlike Sookie, who tends to have crazy stuff happen to her and then she carries on somehow, Tara has shown a lot of signs in the last season or two of real wear and tear on her sanity. But her hair looks lovely here, and I like the pink top on her...

...but not the denim suit. The wash is too light and the two items are the same wash. Tara, honey, what happened to your cagefighter leather and combat boots???

Oh, poor Sam. No family left (poor Tommy!) except the hope of building new family with Luna and Emma now that all the bad nasty people are dead (the Mickens, Marcus, etc). Sam looks sharp in a suit, you gotta admit.

Even when he's the only one at his brother Tommy's funeral other than Maxine Fortenberry....

...who, although sporting her usual over-the-top fabrics and styles, looks really nice in spite of it all, and genuinely loved Tommy (even though he was a conniving little cuss). Her words of wisdom are actually even comforting to Sam, and it is possible that Hell also froze over while she was making her speech about family and life. Who knew she had it in her?!

Luna and Emma show up to the funeral at the last moment, looking equally lovely in funeral-appropriate darks, but with a splash of pattern from Luna, who is also a contender for Bon Temps' Most Fashion Forward now that Sookie has lost all of her sundresses.

Although Holly's devastating Halloween costume is beyond anything I could ever have imagined her in, she did a lot of good deeds this week so I'm putting her on the saints list anyway.

Besides, the costume itself is actually almost impressively awful.

And of course, since it's Halloween suddenly (what?) Arlene and Terry show up to work at Merlotte's dressed as zombies. Extremely PG-rated zombies. (Also, shout out to Arlene's kids, who are dressed as an alien/monster and Teen Mom. Kudos, kids.)

Poor Jesus. Poor, poor, POOR Jesus. I can't even stand it. He was such a wonderful character.... on so many levels.... one of them being that his eyes matched any blue or green item of clothing he ever had on, and his hair was so ruffly and friendly.... Oh, that, and he had lots of juju to save people with. But. Yes. Erm. Sadface dot com slash bye hottie.

In conclusion, all I really have to say is that we're in for a regular good old fashioned revengefest next season. There's a whole heap of trouble happenin' in Bon Temps and our unfortunate heroes (Sookie and... well... whoever else, I guess) are going to have their work cut out for them. I am thrilled that we were able to recap this season, though, and I look forward to the next one, even if there are zombies a-comin'.... See y'all next summer!

Burning Down The House - Part 2 of 2 - BRB, Just Gonna Chill In The Sun

First, let’s get this out of the way: Arlene and Terry in their robes. Come on guys, can’t you switch it up just a little? The whole “Madam Butterfly” role playing game has got to feel stale. At least in his normal clothes, Terry looks rather fetching... for a gun toting Southerner who’s always one step away from a mental breakdown. Andy, you... well... you just keep doing what you're doing. Try and get off the junk, huh?

Oh look, we have a fashion challenge on our hands! Who wore it better: the drape edition. First we have Antonia, rocking a truly inspired hair care regimen. Girlfriend was into teased locks back during the Inquisition. Points for the hair, but demerits for the stained tarp she’s been rocking for centuries. I don't care if you're a ghost - figure it out. On the other hand, Marni's decided to update that whole “persecuted witch” look with a (surprise!) belted sheet and limp hair. Hmm, tough call ladies but, in my professional opinion, I’m going to say that Antonia wins. Why? She was burned at the stake when owning a hairbrush was a luxury meant for aristocrats... what’s Marni’s excuse? 

Speaking of excuses, here’s a pathetic one for a coven. Did Marnie swing by Berkley for a few freshmen before starting her little witch organization? This looks like the Invasion of the Crunchy Clan. Antsy about being held captive? Why don't you just magic up some more quinoa, sir?

Guess who hasn’t changed clothes because they’re in a hostage situation? Holly and Tara! It’s nice to see the ladies bond.

He might be concerned for his cousin, but Lafayette doesn’t let a little grief rain on his fashion parade. Girl, can we talk about the slippers? Comfort over style? Who do you think you are - Sookie?

At least in the unending parade of patronizing looks from Jesus, he manages to pull together a more subdued, yet fashionable look. That robe? It’s nothing to write a blog about...

 but darling sugar-pie honeybunch, those boots? Let’s get married, you sultry Latin ‘mo. I’ve even forgiven you for wearing cargo pants. Well, I’m still working on that but I promise I’ll get over it. Sorry, but they're never coming back. No matter how many GAP commercials you reference.

Of course, it’s better than your freaky tribal look. Ew. I hate ear stretchers.

Hoyt seems pretty stoked to have broken up with Jessica. Or, to have been broken up with by Jessica. Either way, he’s the most adorable mama’s boy I’ve ever met. Actually, I’ve had a crush on Hoyt since Season One. You may have noticed that I have a proclivity towards men of a larger nature. That’s why I think Hoyt, in this hideous ribbed v-neck, is far more attractive than Jason. 

Yeah, I said it - I’ll pause for a collective gasp. Jason, you going to be OK?

You guys, is he wearing yoga pants? That cut off at the calf? I don’t care if they’re sweatpants rolled up, they look like short yoga pants. Even for yoga, short pants are never a good idea. That’s why we have shorts. Repetition is the most effective learning tool.

Somehow, in this sea of American Apparel hoodies and scooping neck lines for men, I don’t have total confidence in our miniature Scooby Squad. Though it is slightly refreshing to see Lafayette without a head covering; too bad he has that dreadhawk thing going on. 

So, if you’re a supernatural being, and you know when weird things are happening, do you involve yourself in some way? Or do you shack up with a dirty trick who offers you the possibility of more V and a werebaby? Wait... don’t answer that... Debbie’s beat you to the punch.

Alcide wasn’t topless this week, even though Debs was pretty darn close. Shame. Even though he doesn’t do a bad job of filling out this plaid shirt, I’ve become accustomed to seeing some skin every week. Best part of this photo? The way Alcide dwarfs Sam; the man is a brickhouse!

So is that why Sam looks pretty distraught? I mean, he is sporting the same shirt as before, but it’s a nice shade of blue and the fabric seems to be all natural - what’s the problem? 

Oh. Right. The whole Tommy dying thing. Sorry Tommy, it was fun while it lasted (content edited for, you know, gross amounts of blood).

Just two episodes left! Brace yourself for next week friends - I have a feeling it's going to be over the top. Much like Marnie's belt was over her jacket.

Cold Grey Light of Dawn - Part 1 of 2 - Fun in the Sun

Episode Synopsis: A whole lotta stuff is all about to hit the fan in Bon Temps, and the suspense is killing me. Well, actually, it's killing the vampires, or trying to... Marni is possessed by the spirit of Antonia, a vengeful Spanish witch from the 1600s, and she's adopted the distraught Tara into her circle of fun (not because Tara is a witch but because she was raped by a vampire, a fate which Antonia shared). Lafayette is a true medium, like Marni, and Jesus is convinced that Lala is the one to put a stop to Marni's crazy. Meanwhile, King Bill decides the only way to keep the vampires safe from Antonia's spells is to chain themselves with silver during the day. Jason and Jess are still thinking (read: fantasizing) about each other, and poor Hoyt is so confused that he's not even wearing plaid. Sookie and Eric finally get it on, but this whole Marni thing is really putting their love-fest on hold. Sam's brother Tommy skinwalked as Sam and slept with hottie shifter girlfriend Luna, and Arlene's demon baby Mikey is seeing this 1930's voodoo lady who sings in French (but Lafayette sees her too now, so maybe we'll finally get some answers).  

Although this week had a SEVERE shortage of cute sundresses, we do see a few uninteresting leather jackets (Vampire Diaries-style) and at least one American Apparel hoodie (Glee-style). Oh, Bon Temps, it's always a surprise...

King Bill's wardrobe has been updated since he became king, and this shirt -- while plain -- is a nice splash of color in the dark and generally pretentious decor of King Bill's house.

Later on, however, King Bill falls prey to the Uninteresting Leather Jacket syndrome and presents himself at Sookie's looking super uncomfortable (both about Sookie/Eric and about his jacket, I'd say).

Jason, although generally kind of a mess, manages to make his millionth plaid shirt look cute when thrown over his incredible washboard abs and sculpted torso, topped off with a "Made In Louisiana" trucker cap. Goofy? Yes. Still hot? Absolutely.

Also, I think he looks yummy in his cop uniform. Heh.

Jessica is seen wearing dark, slim cut jeans and some kinda sandal, with a pale blue shirt that compliments her complexion and hair really well, even if the shirt came from K-Mart. But this pic is mostly for her hair... girlfriend has luxurious locks, and I lurve it.

Jesus manages to set off the amazing color of his eyes with a denim (or cargo, can't decide) jacket. Go figure!

Lafayette looks like he came from a 90's music video in a black track jacket with red stripes and a yellow bandana... but his eyelashes are fierce, and he can do no wrong. You want more bling, you say? Well...

...here you go. Flipping burgers at Merlotte's requires more panache, obviously. The white scarf he's got has silver threads running through it, and he has a camo-print top on. The icing on this cake though is his vintage fan.

Booyah. So fierce.

The Princess and the Frog ghost that's following baby Mikey around shows up, and Lafayette doesn't quite understand that she's a ghost, or who she is, but at least he can see her and hopefully that means we'll find out what her agenda is soon. Meanwhile, her 1930's dress is simple but gorgeous and her hair is impeccable... she can't be all bad, right?

Everyone's favorite shapeshifting girlfriend Luna looks ferosh at work (watch out, fifth graders...Ms. Luna's a knockout!) even though she's furious with Sam for kicking her out after they slept together the first time. Only it wasn't Sam, it was Tommy...

Sam! I didn't even KNOW you owned a solid colored shirt! Goodness.

And back to the plaid. But here's the funny thing: even with all the plaid Sam Merlotte sports around town, I prefer this shirt to the plain one. Sigh.

Our boy Alcide has the most interesting leather jacket on this episode, a lovely cognac color which offsets his rugged appearance.

And even with the plaid peeking out, he still looks gorgeous. Although, Alcide, honey, that look of shock at walking in on Sookie and Eric isn't becoming... if she finds out you saw them, she'll be very upset, you know. Also, now Debbie thinks you're in love with her, so way to blow your own cover, man!

Finally, our puppy-dog-amnesiac Eric is sill wearing Jason's clothes... but this plaid (yes, Eric Northman in plaid!) looks INCREDIBLE on him. Maybe it's the amnesia. Maybe it's the fact that he and Sookie just did it in the woods (a lot). Who knows? But I LIKE IT.

I Wish I Was the Moon - Part 1 of 2 - Dark side of the moon

Episode Synopsis: You guys, what didn't happen this week? It's a full moon, so maybe that's why everything went to crazy town. Bill arrests Eric and gets permission to kill him, but then Eric's heartfelt speech about Sookie changes Bill's mind. While in vamp jail, Eric sees what remains of rotting Pam, who horrifies him with her glowing description of the monster he used to be. Jason is convinced he's going to turn into a werepanther, and is comforted first by Sookie and then by Jessica to the point that he's almost disappointed not to shift. Lafayette and Jesus visit Abuelo de los Creepy who gives them some sort of protection that includes Jesus getting bit by a rattlesnake and Lafayette temporarily possessed by some other Mayan dude. In vamp jail, Marnie summons the spirit of the dead Spanish witch, and then goes all necromancy on her jail guard - who was one of the Spanish witch's tormentors back in the day. Tommy takes over Sam's body and a) fires Sookie, b) has sex with Luna, c) collapses in a pile of his own vomit. And Arlene and Terry's house burns down, thanks either to evil baby or the evil doll (maybe both?). And Baby Mikey gets a vision of Tiana from Princess and the Frog, or something.

Whew. What a week! There was so much action, almost nobody had time to think about their clothes. Which was a good thing and a bad thing, depending on who you're looking at. Someone who was much too busy to think about fashion this week was Pam, without a doubt.

Oh, sweetie. Whatever Marnie did to Pam is probably the worst imaginable punishment for a fab lady like this. Without her good looks, Pam is quite literally lost. She doesn't even take off this sheet until Eric (reluctantly) commands her to.

That being said, and despite her disfiguring facial condition, Pam is working it with everything she's got here. It's hard to see exactly what she's wearing, but I think I'm seeing an ankle-length black turtleneck dress and black leather gloves. One of the great things about True Blood is that everybody wears the same thing a few weeks in a row, so you can really get a good look at it.

For instance, has Marnie been wearing this green velvet dress for the last few episodes? If so, why didn't I notice until today that it's covered in kind of a velour paisley print? That print would look very nice on a throw pillow or something. And I wouldn't mind borrowing the chain belt.

Oh, hey there, Tommy-shifted-to-look-like-Sam. He was just getting dressed like any other day, putting on a plaid shirt, when suddenly he TURNED INTO SAM. Let this be a warning to the other men of Bon Temps: if you keep wearing plaid shirts, one day you will become Sam. A definite argument in favour of changing your wardrobe every now and then.

How much do I love that the show kept in that little Skype "boop boop beep!" sound when Bill called Nan. It's nice to see that even the undead enjoy free video conferencing. Nan's top here is either a silk blouse or some kind of silk blazer. Either way, she looks classy and quite businesslike, while still stylish...

... unlike Hoyt's Mom, who looks like trashy and mismatched, while still tragic. The Hawaiian print button-down? The pink appliqued tank? The frosted green eyeshadow? While her words (said to Sam, who was really Tommy) were extremely cruel, it's really no loss for Hoyt or Tommy that she's cut them out of her life. Good riddance, lady.

Another character who I hope we'll be saying "good riddance" to sometime soon is Debbie. Not just because of her Sookie-hating past, but also because of her Momsen-esque eye makeup and this hot mess of a sundress.

Maybe Sookie hates her so much, she's blacklisted her from all of the really cute sundress stores, so this is all that was left? What does Alcide see in her, seriously? What is this hold she has over him? It's really a shame Alcide is a werewolf, because he's so much better than the company he keeps.

King Bill also seems pretty unhappy hanging with vamps all the time. Also: I am tired of his 1980s Wall Street approach to suits. Get a DVD of Mad Men, watch it, and learn about how suits don't have to be SO BORING.

At the end of the episode, he threw a black leather jacket on top of his blue button-down to go brood out on his front porch. He finally looks like his old self again, here. I think it just kills him to see Sookie and Eric hanging out, and, like Eric suggested, he really does still love Sookie.

I have two picks for outfit of the week The first goes to Mysetry Lady, who may or may not be a human version of Tiana from "The princess and the frog."

I'm sorry to always be making these Disney comparisons but seriously. We don't know who this friendly ghost lady is, but we do know that she saved Baby Mikey from the fire, she's seriously gorgeous, and her cream-coloured vintage dress is to die for (pardon the pun).

Outfit of the week, right there, folks.

I Wish I Was the Moon - Part 2 of 2 - Moonshadow

So, we've looked at this week's baddies. This week's heroes were kind of grey, too. It's reached that point of the season where it's hard to tell who's a good guy and who's a bad guy.

Well, we know Sookie's always a good guy. She started off the episode having the pretty yellow sundress from last week ripped off by Erik, but they were sadly interrupted. She then changed into this cute pink hoodie and jean shorts for the rest of the episode.

I like her red sneakers here, too. Did they cast Anna Paquin for her ability to look fabulous in shorts, or did they start dressing her in shorts because Anna Paquin looks so cute? This is a chicken and egg scenario, and I don't suppose we'll ever know.

Tara was also wearing bright pink this week... and no pants.

It's really quite bad-ass of her to grab a gun and answer the door without first putting on a pair of pants. But when it turns out just to be her girlfriend visiting from New Orleans, it all works out OK.

Especially because Naomi's zebra-print top kind of fits in with Lafayette's leopard-print decorating scheme.

I LOVE Naomi's bronze nail polish. What, isn't that what you were looking at when they started making out? ... Just me?

Check out Tara and Naomi, being a functional couple in their complementary outfits! This is the most normal relationship Tara's ever been in, right?

I don't love Lafayette's look here, but he's well outside of his comfort zone in Jesus' Abuelo's Mayan magic shack. I do love that Lafayette is still wearing false lashes. I think he'd feel naked without them.

But we don't have to see that track jacket or those jeans or the yellow bandana again. Ever. OK? Thanks.

Note: this is Sam, not Tommy-pretending-to-be-Sam. I know it can be confusing, because Real Sam is not wearing plaid this week. I can't hate on him too much, though, because he looks really good in these cowboy shirts and jeans. Carry on, shapeshifter.

To anyone who says that the men of Bon Temps all dress alike, I present to you, Alcide. Take note, Jason and Hoyt and Sam and Tommy: this is called a henley. They look especially great on men with extremely muscley torsos.

And if you're going to wear a plaid shirt? Try it with a retro 1970s-inspired brown leather jacket. Yum.

Now, I don't know where Terry and Arlene got these jackets after their house burned down, but I love them. Terry in this Member's Only jacket, comforting his pet armadillo? Priceless. And Arlene's crocheted hoodie looks nice and cozy, the sort of thing you'd want to wrap yourself up in after your possibly-demon-spawn burns down your house.

Poor Luna. She finally decides to take the plunge and date Sam on the exact same day that the role of Sam is being played by his psychopath brother. When she was like, "I know this isn't a mistake!" could she hear the True Blood fans around the world shaking their heads and saying, "Oh honey."

I agree with Kim's call on this as outfit of the week. It's totally my #2 pick and was really cute, for the 0.5 seconds that she was wearing it. Poor her.

Not much to report about Jessica's outfit this week, since the only thing she wore was her Merlotte's uniform. I just wanted to point out how pretty she is. Look at her hair! She is GORGEOUS! That is like, Pretty Little Liars hair! And, considering she was possibly the only waitress at Merlotte's that night (Arlene and Holly busy with their house fires and Sookie fired), she seems remarkably composed.

And Eric wore the sleeveless hoodie and board shorts for the 50000th time in a row. I still love him, even if his outfit is tragic and his haircut is borderline tragic. Look at the puppydog eyes! Even the vampire king couldn't bring himself to kill such a cute little guy.

So Bill's a bad guy... or maybe not? And Eric's a good guy... for now. By next week, I predict that some of these roles will be even harder to differentiate, especially if Marnie starts necromancing all of the vampires.

Can't wait!