And When I Die - Part 1 of 2 - Sinners

Episode Synopsis: Listen, y'all, this season finale was so cuh-RAY-zee that I don't even know where to start. Lafayette, possessed by Marni, tortures Jesus until he gives up his super-strong-Mexican-juju-magic, and then kills him. Jason tells Hoyt that he slept with Jessica, and Hoyt beats the crap out of him. Alcide has kicked Debbie out for good and asks Sookie (in a very roundabout way) if she will consider being with him so they can stay out of trouble together. Sookie turns him down, and then tells Eric and Bill that she can't choose either of them, either. For those of you keeping track, that's THREE hot men she turned down this episode. Bill and Eric murder Nan Flanagan and her guards, Alcide discovers that a vamp (Russell Edgington?) has broken free from his concrete prison, and Jason is visited by Vamp!Reverend Newlin. Ghost René warns Arlene that Terry and his old army pal are nothing but trouble. Sookie, Tara, and Holly call on Bon Temps spirits for help with Marni/Lafayette, and Antonia and Gran (!!!) appear to bring Marni to the other side. Debbie shows up to kill Sookie with a shotgun, but Tara jumps in the way and gets blasted. Sookie then shoots Debbie in the neck (ouch) before realizing that Tara is really not ok. And now, all I can say is "WHAT?!"

Lafayette is possessed by Marni. He is also possessed with a fierceness that mere mortals generally don't experience.

Please experience now his fierce kimono. I'm not digging the yellow track pants, but I love the kimono. Did Marni inherit some fashion sense when she took over his body??

GASP. Apparently not.

What IS that? I'll tell you. That is a muumuu, my friends. A MUUMUU. Lafayette probably owns the muumuu for comical, sassy, just-lyin-around-the-house purposes... either that or Marni possessed Lafayette and after killing Jesus (sob) made straight for the nearest hippie store for a shopping spree. Yikes, y'all.

King Bill has an unending supply of tailored suits. I like the gray tie on this one though...

...but as we all know, Bill and Eric are at their best when they're chained up to a stake and mostly naked. Well, maybe not chained to a stake. But definitely the mostly naked bit. Definitely.

Also, of COURSE poor Ginger went as a sexy nurse for Halloween. It's appropriate because she's been taking care of poor Pamsicle all season while Eric's been out tooting around with Sookie and fighting witches. Ginger probably only has one Halloween costume, actually, come to think of it.

Speaking of people with only one outfit.... Alcide is wearing the same plaid shirt we saw him in like six episodes ago. Sigh. Buddy, when are you gonna learn? Sookie isn't attracted to flannel. We all remember how well Sam fared with that tactic season 1.

Unfortunately, Hoyt is not doing so well either... Granted, these are his work duds, but when you look at what heartbroken Hoyt is wearing versus what Jason is wearing... you kinda can't blame Jess. Really.

Purrrrrrrr. So casual. So yummy.

And later on, a lil more skin from Mr. Stackhouse. Yes, please.

Jess shows up on Halloween lookin' like a sessy Little Red Riding Hood, and if Jason thought he would get away with being a Good Guy and Doing The Right Thing By Making Her Leave Without Them Doing Anything, he was sorely mistaken.

Booya.

Nan shows up in her biker bitchy glory, with a new leather jacket, a new armed and armored entourage, and a paranoia to rival ol' Russell's back in season 3.... But Bill and Eric don't want no revolution, so they cut the guards' heads off and stake the heck outta Nan.

Gross. Can't believe they finally took her out. As Eric said: "What a bitch."

Soul of Fire - Part 1 of 2 - Witches vs. Vamps

Episode Synopsis: Finally Bill is ready to use violence against that awful Marnie/Antonia. But wait! Bill and Eric's beloved Sookie is trapped inside the shop. MarTonia (hee-hee!) decides to negogiate a deal which involves Bill and Eric killing themselves in order to release Sookie. Really? And they ACCEPT. Really?? Luckily, Pam is having none of that and decides to take matters into her own hands and shoots a very large gun-thing (sorry I'm no weapons expert...fashion is my game) into the protection spell. Meanwhile, Jesus is digging deep into his magical shaman ways to get Antonia out of Marnie's body. On the non-vampire side of things: Sam has a death warrant out for Marcus, who just so happened to have kidnapped his own daughter, while entertaining Debbie AT ALCIDE'S HOUSE. Yeah that's right. I don't even know what's left to happen for next week. Oh, wait. Marnie's ghost hopped into Lafayette. That's no big deal, I'm sure.

So once again, not a big week for wardrobe changes...and I suppose it's understandable when you get to wear these bad-ass, black leather gettups. I know Anthony included a similar image last week and Kim re-purposed it for her mini-recap, but they all look plain awesome, so let's look at it again:

Last week, Anthony commented (frequently) on the unfortunate-ness that is Marnie's belt OVER her leather jacket. When she went outside to have a talking with Bill & Crew, I thought "Yay, she is going to be a normal person and wear her belt UNDER the jacket." But alas, she walks out of the shop and suddenly the belt is OVER her jacket. How did she have enough time between putting her jacket on and walking through the front door to remove her belt and replace on top of her jacket? Is that another one of her spells?

Who would consider leather-belting a leather jacket? Oh right...a crazy psycho witch who has binded herself to a semi-crazy ghost witch, that's who.

Marnie does have some fantastic ring-wear, however. More is definitely more, in this case.

AHHHHH! I never could have imagined that such a cute face as Jesus' be turned into something this monstrous! Although the more I look at it, the more I realize it's just a mask and not a real transformation. Sorry True Blood make-up department: not as convincing as it could be. 

Awww the cute face is back. But what I really wanted to point out in this photo is the skull and crossbones pillowcase! So adorable! 

It appears that since Eric has regained his memory, he also regained a much more mature hairstyle. No morefloppy, weird Gareth cut he had going on as Nice Eric. 

It's a Bumpit. Jessica has a Bumpit in her hair. Really? C'mon Jess...you have the most perfect strawberry red hair and you put in a Bumpit?? Bumpits do not make you look tough and badass; they make you look like Snookie. (Yes, that's spelled correctly, Jessica. You don't get Jersey Shore down in Bon Temps?)

I couldn't resist posting this menagerie of Marnie's Wiccan followers. From L to R: We have Lafayette's Twin sister, Mom Jeans, Carrot Top's Mother, Matrix Wannabe, and Confused Dude (this guy was wearing the hemp sweatshirt last week...he doesn't know what culture to follow).  

No wonder MarTonia couldn't complete her mission. This cast of characters looks more inclined to hallucinate about killing vampires than to practice crazy-psycho-witch-magic and do it. 

Burning Down The House - Part 1 of 2 - Yeah, We Totally Hate UV Rays

Episode Synopsis: Damn girl, I leave Bon Temps for a few weeks and suddenly the whole bloody state is in chaos? In a move that I would venture Ray Charles could have seen coming, Marnie busts up the Tolerance Rally to disastrous results. But never fear, Sookie’s magic flashlight powers saved the day again - and put Eric back to normal! Sad days, right? Well, sort of, except he still loves Sookie. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Bill is seething with rage and gathers a little vampire A-Team to take care of Marnie. For goods, y’all. In other news, Sam is pissed yet adorable, Alcide is pissed yet handsome, Tara is pissed yet sassy, Lafayette is pissed yet anxious, Jesus is not pissed but curious, Jason is pissed yet regretful, Jessica is pissed yet... pissed? Basically, everybody is at their breaking point. Except Tommy, who’s gone home to Jesus.

We'll have more on Marnie in the next section, but pay close attention to that belt she's wearing. Note: it's over the leather jacket. Over. The leather jacket. Like, not in the, "I am SO over this jacket" kind of way, but physically worn on the outside of the jacket. What possessed you to do this, Marni? Don't go blaming Antonia for making you look like a soccer mom in crisis. 

Eric Mallory Northman - you’ve ruined a perfectly good henley! Since when is white OK for vampires, anyway? Shouldn’t you be decked out in your finest black leathers? At least he has the shoulders to fill it out. When I try to wear a henley, it looks like a burlap sack on a rake. 

Ladies and gentlemen, the Jackie O of vampires across America, Ms. Nan Flanagan. *hold for applause*

I like to imagine that this is the face Nan made when she realized her wardrobe would not consist of weirdly fashionable bondage garb this week. Power pearls and a presedential blazer? Are you for real real? Don't get me wrong, I love the look but for someone as tough as Nan, the pink blazer with black piping seems, oh I don't know, insincere?

Pam? Is that you? Sorry, forgive my rudeness, it's just that... I can't see any cleavage. I suppose this photo just proves that everyone owns at least one tracksuit they use to keep casual. Fine and dandy, but don't get used to it sister. I need my weekly fix of sex and anger.

Wow. If this is what humans look like just before they passionately yell at their boyfriend to not murder their ex-boyfriend, then I’ve got to stop pitting my exes against each other. Sookie’s hoodie is pretty cute... almost a little too cute. Honey, you’ve seen more death in four seasons of True Blood than most characters see in an entire series. Maybe it’s time we graduate from heart-print fabrics, hm? What’s wrong with a basic black? 

Although, I will give Sookie points for rocking some classic red Vans. Hotness.com/relevant. Maybe this is what a hipster looks like in Bon Temps? And don’t throw Lafayette in my face as a rebuttal - he’s not a hipster. That bitch is just fabulous. 

Perhaps the best part of the whole Tolerance Massacre was the little Southern belle trying to convince the murder machines that the fighting could stop.

“We’re your friends!” *slap*

Two things:

1. What’s with the bangs?
2. What’s with the bangs?

Was there a Little Miss Tolerance Pageant I don’t know about? If you and your friend weren’t wearing the same ruffled, floral top (that just made me vomit while I typed), I might have found you endearing.

While he might have been a mindless killing machine, I did think this vampire was cute. Especially when I realized that I have worn outfits eerily similar to what you see before you. Too bad I’m totally over olive green. I'm more over that colour than Marnie's belt is over her jacket.

I’m not really sure what to make of Bill’s take on Gordon Gecko these days. Of course the King has look dapper at all times, of which Bill is quite convincing, however I wouldn’t mind seeing his Highness in something a little more relaxed. Like a tank-top. Or no top at all. Watching him brood on this crocodile chair, however, is quite nice.

Alright, she might have just had a sexy romp in the back of a pickup truck, but at least Jessica was wearing this totes amaze sundress. I wish we could see more but this saucy little minx was too busy trading secrets in the dark, if you know what I mean. Think of it this way Jess, it could have been in the back of a car.

Now for the best part of the vampire contingent this week: the vampire A-Team! Reals, if this is how you dress when you’re about to whip some Wiccan ass, sign me up. Honestly guys, you’re not exactly dispelling any ideas people may have had about how cool it is to be a vampire. 

Let's Get Out of Here - Part 1 of 2 - The Cat's Meow

Episode Synopsis: Antonia's witches are starting to wonder what the real deal is with Marni's possession and Antonia's motives; there is a heckuva lot of bloodshed happening in Bon Temps this week and it's not just the vamps. Sookie survives the gunshot thanks to Alcide carrying her home and Bill feeding her his blood, which subsequently reawakens her feelings for him (y'know, cause that's what vamp blood does to ya). It pisses Alcide off that Sookie's worried about Eric (now under Antonia's spell hardcore and sent to kill Bill... hah. Kill bill!) so he peaces out to go be with Debbie, but Debbie's jealousy has hit a breaking point: she does a shot of V before offering to help Sookie fix whatever's going on with the witches to prove to Sookie that she's a good wolf now. Lafayette gets possessed by Princess Tiana (actual name: Mavis) and steals demon Baby Mikey, but Jason, Jesus and Andy track him down and talk him out of it, with a grand finale of Jesus performing an exorcism. Jess and Jason get down and dirty in the bed of a pickup truck, Luna and Sam get freaky in the forest on a camping trip, and Sookie has a naughty dream about both Bill AND Eric! Whooo boy, things are steaming up around here!

I simply must must MUST start this off with Sookie's dream sequence ensemble. Girlfriend is sporting a red silk or chiffon vintage-looking short robe that is TO DIE FOR and some serious black pumps. She needed the pumps, you see, to be tall enough for Eric to make out with her properly. Duh.

I mean, talk about just gorgeous. If I was having a dream about two guys like Bill and Eric... which I'm not saying I have or haven't... I would totally dream myself wearing something ridiculous and gorgeous like this.

Later on, however, Sookiepants cools off and wears cuffed denim, red Keds and a black hoodie from (I'm pretty sure) Delias. Like, Sookie, what gives? You're SO CUTE about 75% of the time, and then you pull something out of the closet that's definitely from your high school wardrobe. Maybe it's time to step those sundresses up a notch, babe.

Also conflicting? Jessica. She's miserable because Hoyt kicked her out and Jason showed no sympathy, but she's wearing great colors for her skin tone. The dress is cute, but for the first time in ages I believe she's got too much eyeliner and I'm not digging the straight hair completely... She looks weighed down. But I guess that's logical since she's super guilty about everything, including how badly she wants to jump Jason Stackhouse's bones. Yowza!

Nan Flanagan is taking a leaf out of Pamsicle's book with the motorcycle gang S&M vibe she has going on. The boots, jacket, and pants are sweet, and that slicked back hair is awesome.

Later, Nan does a complete 180 and shows up to the Tolerance Rally looking like a Stepford wife... a totally uncomfortable, bitchy Stepford wife. Pink is NOT your color, Nan.

King Bill wins at suits. That's all there is to it. Love the pocket square and tie. Love the cut of the suit. He's so darn DAPPER these days.

Back in Sookie's dream sequence of lurrrve, Bill wears something more like what he wore in seasons one and two: a henley-style undershirt and a plain leather jacket. Although he is still sporting his King Ring. Like a boss.

At the Tolerance Rally, Bill's Louisiana sheriffs (is that a good name for a country cover band or what?) look slightly more put together than the last time we saw them, but they're all still kind of vapid and two-dimensional as characters.

Jason looks pretty cute like all the time, so it's no wonder that he makes a ridiculously large belt buckle and a plain white t-shirt look good with normal jeans and a legit leather jacket. He's at war with his feelings for Jess and for his best friend Hoyt, yeah, but he's still the Resident Bon Temps Human Hottie. Respeck.

A shout-out goes to Sam, who sports a faded denim (possibly a pale chambray!) shirt on the camping trip with Luna and Emma, and looks like a glorious future stepdad in the process. Nicely done, sir!

Spellbound - Part 1 of 2 - Team Denim

Episode Synopsis: Wow. OK. SO MUCH HAPPENED THIS WEEK! Jason saved Jessica from the world's worst sunburn and then they totally made out. So then Jess dumped Hoyt, who hates her now, and fled to be with Jason, who also kicked her out. Harsh! Sookie and Eric drink each others' blood and spend most of the episode in a V-induced Valhalla winter wonder-sex-land. Lafayette is possessed by the Princess & the Frog ghost, who it turns out had her baby taken from her back in the day, and Lafayette/ghost steals Baby Mikey. Bill tries to compromise with Marnie/Antonia, but neither of them really meant it, and then everybody fights everybody! (Except for the werewolves, who decide to stay out of it). At episode's end, Bill saves Tara, Marnie/Antonia has Eric in her thrall, Sookie gets shot, Alcide saves the day and Debbie is totally going evil on us, I think.

So! Let's start this week with poor, poor Jess. Things don't go so well for the good-hearted strawberry blond vamp teen. Luckily, she has a number of cute outfits, starting with these adorable flats!

I also like her cuffed-up skinny jeans. She spends most of the episode in denim, actually. For the first little bit, she's wearing the same cute button-down that got last week's outfit of the week pick. And golf claps for her shiny, shiny hair. 

Also of note is her nail polish. It's like a dark bronze-grey that looks kind of goth, but kind of sweet - not unlike Jessica herself.

OK, it might be distracting to see her bleeding face, but just focus on the polish for a sec. Cute, right? (Note: as a fellow pale-skinned redhead, I'd like to mention that this is what I'd look like if I ran around outside without SPF 60. Practice safe sun, kids!)

After getting help from a blood "donor," Jess cleaned up and headed home to break up with Hoyt. In another pair of jeans, flowery tank (very Sookie-esque) and a cropped jean jacket.

Waaaait a minute. Shiny, gorgeous hair? Cropped jacket? Is Jess trying out for a role on Pretty Little Liars? You know, I think she'd fit in pretty well over in Rosewood. It might serve her well to get away from Bon Temps for a bit.

Also channeling PLL style this week is Lafayette, with his single feather earring!

Oh, Lafayette. #that'ssoaria

Lafayette, poor guy, is settled in for a sofa snooze in his bright blue Snuggie, when suddenly Princess Tiana appears! He's like, "Oh, hell no!"

That being said, once he was possessed by the ghost of Princess T, his pink boat-neck top and headscarf seemed fairly appropriate.

So ladylike!

Luna was also cute in jeans this week. Luuurve her flowery top (darker colours than Jessica's tank, but the cut and shape of it is still so Sookie. Maybe there aren't a lot of shopping options in Bon Temps).

Speaking of Sookie, well, as Kim noted in the mini-recap, she spent a lot of time naked this week. The first clothing-ish thing she changes into is... well... a fur blanket.

And Eric, of course. He's always an excellent accessory.

Sookie's khaki green jacket is ready for action later on, though, when she and her BF sign up to help the vampires fight. I would fight for this jacket:

(We're not going to discuss Eric's corduroy-collared jean jacket. Just focus on the pretty.)

Over in the land of Possibly Evil Babies, Terry and Mikey were rocking matching camouflage shirts this week:

So sweet! (Pay no attention to the Possibly Evil Doll lurking over Mikey's shoulder.)

Arlene was wearing her usual Merlotte's uniform (with a tragic pink fannypack that we also don't need to talk about). Her hairclip was... interesting... I guess?

I think it's like a grapeleaf shape. In tortoiseshell, this would have gone great with her red hair. In blueish purple? Not so much. But I'm going to cut her the usual amount of slack, what with the Possibly Evil Baby and her recently-burned-down-house. Girlfriend has had a rough time of it this season.

Jason was also in uniform for most of this week. But he spent a few memorable moments in this undershirt and jeans.

Other than Eric's romp in Drug-Induced-Siberia, this was the show's only other display of male upper body strength. BRING IN THE SHIRTLESS ALCIDE, SHOW! I mean, um... let's move onto Team Leather!