And When I Die - Part 1 of 2 - Sinners

Episode Synopsis: Listen, y'all, this season finale was so cuh-RAY-zee that I don't even know where to start. Lafayette, possessed by Marni, tortures Jesus until he gives up his super-strong-Mexican-juju-magic, and then kills him. Jason tells Hoyt that he slept with Jessica, and Hoyt beats the crap out of him. Alcide has kicked Debbie out for good and asks Sookie (in a very roundabout way) if she will consider being with him so they can stay out of trouble together. Sookie turns him down, and then tells Eric and Bill that she can't choose either of them, either. For those of you keeping track, that's THREE hot men she turned down this episode. Bill and Eric murder Nan Flanagan and her guards, Alcide discovers that a vamp (Russell Edgington?) has broken free from his concrete prison, and Jason is visited by Vamp!Reverend Newlin. Ghost René warns Arlene that Terry and his old army pal are nothing but trouble. Sookie, Tara, and Holly call on Bon Temps spirits for help with Marni/Lafayette, and Antonia and Gran (!!!) appear to bring Marni to the other side. Debbie shows up to kill Sookie with a shotgun, but Tara jumps in the way and gets blasted. Sookie then shoots Debbie in the neck (ouch) before realizing that Tara is really not ok. And now, all I can say is "WHAT?!"

Lafayette is possessed by Marni. He is also possessed with a fierceness that mere mortals generally don't experience.

Please experience now his fierce kimono. I'm not digging the yellow track pants, but I love the kimono. Did Marni inherit some fashion sense when she took over his body??

GASP. Apparently not.

What IS that? I'll tell you. That is a muumuu, my friends. A MUUMUU. Lafayette probably owns the muumuu for comical, sassy, just-lyin-around-the-house purposes... either that or Marni possessed Lafayette and after killing Jesus (sob) made straight for the nearest hippie store for a shopping spree. Yikes, y'all.

King Bill has an unending supply of tailored suits. I like the gray tie on this one though...

...but as we all know, Bill and Eric are at their best when they're chained up to a stake and mostly naked. Well, maybe not chained to a stake. But definitely the mostly naked bit. Definitely.

Also, of COURSE poor Ginger went as a sexy nurse for Halloween. It's appropriate because she's been taking care of poor Pamsicle all season while Eric's been out tooting around with Sookie and fighting witches. Ginger probably only has one Halloween costume, actually, come to think of it.

Speaking of people with only one outfit.... Alcide is wearing the same plaid shirt we saw him in like six episodes ago. Sigh. Buddy, when are you gonna learn? Sookie isn't attracted to flannel. We all remember how well Sam fared with that tactic season 1.

Unfortunately, Hoyt is not doing so well either... Granted, these are his work duds, but when you look at what heartbroken Hoyt is wearing versus what Jason is wearing... you kinda can't blame Jess. Really.

Purrrrrrrr. So casual. So yummy.

And later on, a lil more skin from Mr. Stackhouse. Yes, please.

Jess shows up on Halloween lookin' like a sessy Little Red Riding Hood, and if Jason thought he would get away with being a Good Guy and Doing The Right Thing By Making Her Leave Without Them Doing Anything, he was sorely mistaken.

Booya.

Nan shows up in her biker bitchy glory, with a new leather jacket, a new armed and armored entourage, and a paranoia to rival ol' Russell's back in season 3.... But Bill and Eric don't want no revolution, so they cut the guards' heads off and stake the heck outta Nan.

Gross. Can't believe they finally took her out. As Eric said: "What a bitch."

Let's Get Out of Here - Part 1 of 2 - The Cat's Meow

Episode Synopsis: Antonia's witches are starting to wonder what the real deal is with Marni's possession and Antonia's motives; there is a heckuva lot of bloodshed happening in Bon Temps this week and it's not just the vamps. Sookie survives the gunshot thanks to Alcide carrying her home and Bill feeding her his blood, which subsequently reawakens her feelings for him (y'know, cause that's what vamp blood does to ya). It pisses Alcide off that Sookie's worried about Eric (now under Antonia's spell hardcore and sent to kill Bill... hah. Kill bill!) so he peaces out to go be with Debbie, but Debbie's jealousy has hit a breaking point: she does a shot of V before offering to help Sookie fix whatever's going on with the witches to prove to Sookie that she's a good wolf now. Lafayette gets possessed by Princess Tiana (actual name: Mavis) and steals demon Baby Mikey, but Jason, Jesus and Andy track him down and talk him out of it, with a grand finale of Jesus performing an exorcism. Jess and Jason get down and dirty in the bed of a pickup truck, Luna and Sam get freaky in the forest on a camping trip, and Sookie has a naughty dream about both Bill AND Eric! Whooo boy, things are steaming up around here!

I simply must must MUST start this off with Sookie's dream sequence ensemble. Girlfriend is sporting a red silk or chiffon vintage-looking short robe that is TO DIE FOR and some serious black pumps. She needed the pumps, you see, to be tall enough for Eric to make out with her properly. Duh.

I mean, talk about just gorgeous. If I was having a dream about two guys like Bill and Eric... which I'm not saying I have or haven't... I would totally dream myself wearing something ridiculous and gorgeous like this.

Later on, however, Sookiepants cools off and wears cuffed denim, red Keds and a black hoodie from (I'm pretty sure) Delias. Like, Sookie, what gives? You're SO CUTE about 75% of the time, and then you pull something out of the closet that's definitely from your high school wardrobe. Maybe it's time to step those sundresses up a notch, babe.

Also conflicting? Jessica. She's miserable because Hoyt kicked her out and Jason showed no sympathy, but she's wearing great colors for her skin tone. The dress is cute, but for the first time in ages I believe she's got too much eyeliner and I'm not digging the straight hair completely... She looks weighed down. But I guess that's logical since she's super guilty about everything, including how badly she wants to jump Jason Stackhouse's bones. Yowza!

Nan Flanagan is taking a leaf out of Pamsicle's book with the motorcycle gang S&M vibe she has going on. The boots, jacket, and pants are sweet, and that slicked back hair is awesome.

Later, Nan does a complete 180 and shows up to the Tolerance Rally looking like a Stepford wife... a totally uncomfortable, bitchy Stepford wife. Pink is NOT your color, Nan.

King Bill wins at suits. That's all there is to it. Love the pocket square and tie. Love the cut of the suit. He's so darn DAPPER these days.

Back in Sookie's dream sequence of lurrrve, Bill wears something more like what he wore in seasons one and two: a henley-style undershirt and a plain leather jacket. Although he is still sporting his King Ring. Like a boss.

At the Tolerance Rally, Bill's Louisiana sheriffs (is that a good name for a country cover band or what?) look slightly more put together than the last time we saw them, but they're all still kind of vapid and two-dimensional as characters.

Jason looks pretty cute like all the time, so it's no wonder that he makes a ridiculously large belt buckle and a plain white t-shirt look good with normal jeans and a legit leather jacket. He's at war with his feelings for Jess and for his best friend Hoyt, yeah, but he's still the Resident Bon Temps Human Hottie. Respeck.

A shout-out goes to Sam, who sports a faded denim (possibly a pale chambray!) shirt on the camping trip with Luna and Emma, and looks like a glorious future stepdad in the process. Nicely done, sir!

Spellbound - Part 1 of 2 - Team Denim

Episode Synopsis: Wow. OK. SO MUCH HAPPENED THIS WEEK! Jason saved Jessica from the world's worst sunburn and then they totally made out. So then Jess dumped Hoyt, who hates her now, and fled to be with Jason, who also kicked her out. Harsh! Sookie and Eric drink each others' blood and spend most of the episode in a V-induced Valhalla winter wonder-sex-land. Lafayette is possessed by the Princess & the Frog ghost, who it turns out had her baby taken from her back in the day, and Lafayette/ghost steals Baby Mikey. Bill tries to compromise with Marnie/Antonia, but neither of them really meant it, and then everybody fights everybody! (Except for the werewolves, who decide to stay out of it). At episode's end, Bill saves Tara, Marnie/Antonia has Eric in her thrall, Sookie gets shot, Alcide saves the day and Debbie is totally going evil on us, I think.

So! Let's start this week with poor, poor Jess. Things don't go so well for the good-hearted strawberry blond vamp teen. Luckily, she has a number of cute outfits, starting with these adorable flats!

I also like her cuffed-up skinny jeans. She spends most of the episode in denim, actually. For the first little bit, she's wearing the same cute button-down that got last week's outfit of the week pick. And golf claps for her shiny, shiny hair. 

Also of note is her nail polish. It's like a dark bronze-grey that looks kind of goth, but kind of sweet - not unlike Jessica herself.

OK, it might be distracting to see her bleeding face, but just focus on the polish for a sec. Cute, right? (Note: as a fellow pale-skinned redhead, I'd like to mention that this is what I'd look like if I ran around outside without SPF 60. Practice safe sun, kids!)

After getting help from a blood "donor," Jess cleaned up and headed home to break up with Hoyt. In another pair of jeans, flowery tank (very Sookie-esque) and a cropped jean jacket.

Waaaait a minute. Shiny, gorgeous hair? Cropped jacket? Is Jess trying out for a role on Pretty Little Liars? You know, I think she'd fit in pretty well over in Rosewood. It might serve her well to get away from Bon Temps for a bit.

Also channeling PLL style this week is Lafayette, with his single feather earring!

Oh, Lafayette. #that'ssoaria

Lafayette, poor guy, is settled in for a sofa snooze in his bright blue Snuggie, when suddenly Princess Tiana appears! He's like, "Oh, hell no!"

That being said, once he was possessed by the ghost of Princess T, his pink boat-neck top and headscarf seemed fairly appropriate.

So ladylike!

Luna was also cute in jeans this week. Luuurve her flowery top (darker colours than Jessica's tank, but the cut and shape of it is still so Sookie. Maybe there aren't a lot of shopping options in Bon Temps).

Speaking of Sookie, well, as Kim noted in the mini-recap, she spent a lot of time naked this week. The first clothing-ish thing she changes into is... well... a fur blanket.

And Eric, of course. He's always an excellent accessory.

Sookie's khaki green jacket is ready for action later on, though, when she and her BF sign up to help the vampires fight. I would fight for this jacket:

(We're not going to discuss Eric's corduroy-collared jean jacket. Just focus on the pretty.)

Over in the land of Possibly Evil Babies, Terry and Mikey were rocking matching camouflage shirts this week:

So sweet! (Pay no attention to the Possibly Evil Doll lurking over Mikey's shoulder.)

Arlene was wearing her usual Merlotte's uniform (with a tragic pink fannypack that we also don't need to talk about). Her hairclip was... interesting... I guess?

I think it's like a grapeleaf shape. In tortoiseshell, this would have gone great with her red hair. In blueish purple? Not so much. But I'm going to cut her the usual amount of slack, what with the Possibly Evil Baby and her recently-burned-down-house. Girlfriend has had a rough time of it this season.

Jason was also in uniform for most of this week. But he spent a few memorable moments in this undershirt and jeans.

Other than Eric's romp in Drug-Induced-Siberia, this was the show's only other display of male upper body strength. BRING IN THE SHIRTLESS ALCIDE, SHOW! I mean, um... let's move onto Team Leather!

Cold Grey Light of Dawn - Part 1 of 2 - Fun in the Sun

Episode Synopsis: A whole lotta stuff is all about to hit the fan in Bon Temps, and the suspense is killing me. Well, actually, it's killing the vampires, or trying to... Marni is possessed by the spirit of Antonia, a vengeful Spanish witch from the 1600s, and she's adopted the distraught Tara into her circle of fun (not because Tara is a witch but because she was raped by a vampire, a fate which Antonia shared). Lafayette is a true medium, like Marni, and Jesus is convinced that Lala is the one to put a stop to Marni's crazy. Meanwhile, King Bill decides the only way to keep the vampires safe from Antonia's spells is to chain themselves with silver during the day. Jason and Jess are still thinking (read: fantasizing) about each other, and poor Hoyt is so confused that he's not even wearing plaid. Sookie and Eric finally get it on, but this whole Marni thing is really putting their love-fest on hold. Sam's brother Tommy skinwalked as Sam and slept with hottie shifter girlfriend Luna, and Arlene's demon baby Mikey is seeing this 1930's voodoo lady who sings in French (but Lafayette sees her too now, so maybe we'll finally get some answers).  

Although this week had a SEVERE shortage of cute sundresses, we do see a few uninteresting leather jackets (Vampire Diaries-style) and at least one American Apparel hoodie (Glee-style). Oh, Bon Temps, it's always a surprise...

King Bill's wardrobe has been updated since he became king, and this shirt -- while plain -- is a nice splash of color in the dark and generally pretentious decor of King Bill's house.

Later on, however, King Bill falls prey to the Uninteresting Leather Jacket syndrome and presents himself at Sookie's looking super uncomfortable (both about Sookie/Eric and about his jacket, I'd say).

Jason, although generally kind of a mess, manages to make his millionth plaid shirt look cute when thrown over his incredible washboard abs and sculpted torso, topped off with a "Made In Louisiana" trucker cap. Goofy? Yes. Still hot? Absolutely.

Also, I think he looks yummy in his cop uniform. Heh.

Jessica is seen wearing dark, slim cut jeans and some kinda sandal, with a pale blue shirt that compliments her complexion and hair really well, even if the shirt came from K-Mart. But this pic is mostly for her hair... girlfriend has luxurious locks, and I lurve it.

Jesus manages to set off the amazing color of his eyes with a denim (or cargo, can't decide) jacket. Go figure!

Lafayette looks like he came from a 90's music video in a black track jacket with red stripes and a yellow bandana... but his eyelashes are fierce, and he can do no wrong. You want more bling, you say? Well...

...here you go. Flipping burgers at Merlotte's requires more panache, obviously. The white scarf he's got has silver threads running through it, and he has a camo-print top on. The icing on this cake though is his vintage fan.

Booyah. So fierce.

The Princess and the Frog ghost that's following baby Mikey around shows up, and Lafayette doesn't quite understand that she's a ghost, or who she is, but at least he can see her and hopefully that means we'll find out what her agenda is soon. Meanwhile, her 1930's dress is simple but gorgeous and her hair is impeccable... she can't be all bad, right?

Everyone's favorite shapeshifting girlfriend Luna looks ferosh at work (watch out, fifth graders...Ms. Luna's a knockout!) even though she's furious with Sam for kicking her out after they slept together the first time. Only it wasn't Sam, it was Tommy...

Sam! I didn't even KNOW you owned a solid colored shirt! Goodness.

And back to the plaid. But here's the funny thing: even with all the plaid Sam Merlotte sports around town, I prefer this shirt to the plain one. Sigh.

Our boy Alcide has the most interesting leather jacket on this episode, a lovely cognac color which offsets his rugged appearance.

And even with the plaid peeking out, he still looks gorgeous. Although, Alcide, honey, that look of shock at walking in on Sookie and Eric isn't becoming... if she finds out you saw them, she'll be very upset, you know. Also, now Debbie thinks you're in love with her, so way to blow your own cover, man!

Finally, our puppy-dog-amnesiac Eric is sill wearing Jason's clothes... but this plaid (yes, Eric Northman in plaid!) looks INCREDIBLE on him. Maybe it's the amnesia. Maybe it's the fact that he and Sookie just did it in the woods (a lot). Who knows? But I LIKE IT.

If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin'? - Part 1 of 2 - Bad boys (and girls)

Episode Synopsis: We begin right where we left off last week, with Sookie running into Amnesiac Erik. Erik isn't sure who she is, but knows she smells good and can sense she's really helpful. Sookie isn't sure if Erik really has amnesia or is playing a long con, but knows he looks really cute with his hair tousled like that. Long story short, she takes him home. When Pam finds out where he is, she rushes to his side and advises Sookie to keep him hidden from the witches. Sookie tries to pawn him off on Alcide (who is now living with Debbie, who is no longer trying to kill Sookie), but eventually relents and lets him stay with her.

Meanwhile, Lafayette and Tara are both terrified that their PTSD vamp nightmares will come true again when Erik finds out their involvement with the witch group. This causes Lafayette to run down to Fangtasia, where he's captured by Pam, then freed by a kick-ass, gun-toting Tara (and Jesus). Bill advises Jessica to come clean to Hoyt, which she does, but he gets so upset she winds up glamouring him to forget all about it. Meanwhile, Bill and Portia start sleeping together. Tommy wants to sell Maxine's house (which is on a lucrative natural gas deposit) without telling her, but Sam is having none of that. Oh, and shirtless Jason's still being held captive by the hillbilly were-panthers, who are all fully committed to making him the new "Ghost Daddy" for their clan.

In Bon Temps, sometimes it's hard to tell who's a good guy. But the bad guys always make themselves pretty obvious. Cast in point, the fangtastic Pam!

She starts off the episode in last week's AMAZING red sequin dress with the one gigantic shoulder pad. This is seriously like something that Pizzazz from Jem and the Holograms would have rocked back in the day. Nobody else but Pam could have pulled this off with red sheer pantyhose, but Pam is one of a kind.

And then? She slides into this little number:

Yes, those are full-on SPIKES ON HER SHOULDERS. No studded denim for this vamp. Does she always have fierce shoulders? Is that a psychological statement about how nobody can mess with her?

I don't even care that this is a denim pantsuit/thing:

This is my favourite outfit of the week (I'll get to the floral cardigan look Kim chose in the mini-recap in the next part)

Also being bad this week? This poor shmuck:

We never learn his name, but he's the poor guy with the misfortune to have had his fangbanger encounter filmed for YouTube. And then Bill totally has him killed, to send a message.

Oh, King Bill. Sad to say, that puts you in this week's naughty list...

Blecch. He looks like a mid-80s Wall Street banker, in a totally boring suit for his date with Portia. I guess he felt he needed to take over being Vampire King, but I think he had a lot more fun just being Mr. Sookie.

Oh, and Portia totally goes on the bad girl list, partially because it was so hard to get a good screencap of her dress:

Trust me, it was cute, though. And I would have put up a screencap of the nightie she wore when she and Bill were going at it, but that would be veering into NSFW territory. Trust me, though, both her outfits were very silky-looking and adorable.

Unlike heinous Crystal and the rest of the hillbilly were-panther clan:

I like this sweater, I guess? It looks OK with the floral sundress, but this is far from her most memorable look this week.

Yeah, that would be this. Is she attempting rag curls? But her hair is never curly, so what is she doing?

Seriously, WHAT IS SHE DOING? She could take lessons from Maxine:

(Maxine isn't really on the bad girls list, unless you count her obsessive collecting of Marie Osmond dolls from the Home Shopping Network. But she's here mostly to show Crystal how to properly use HAIR CURLERS.) Thank you Maxine. You can go, now.

Oh, and then Crystal also had this look. But I think we were mostly focused on the creepy ladies-in-waiting observing this Mexican-Viagra-induced werepanther rape of poor Jason Stackhouse.

Stay strong, Jason!

Poor guy. Not anything new to report on the Jason-fashion front, either. His same plaid shirt is now even more beaten up (along with his entire torso). Hopefully he can make his escape sometime soon and go home to change into one of his trusty tees.

Jessica was also working a plaid shirt this week, covering up her Fangtasia-walk-of-shame bustier look from last week:

And honourable mention this week goes to Jessica's gorgeous, flawless liquid eyeliner:

It's like this rich chocolatey brown and it looks AMAZING on her. Here it is again:

And her hair is always so shiny and pretty. Too bad she's messing Hoyt over so badly.

I'm not sure yet whether or not the witches belong on the naughty or nice list for this show. Their fashion, however, belongs fully on the hot mess list. Behold their leader, Marni:

I mean, this is a very believable look for a middle-aged lady who's into Wiccan stuff. But I'm used to my True Blood magic people dressed a bit less crunchy-granola hippie style. She did wear these fierce rings, though, which gets a few points for style:

Nice rings, and I would like to congratulate myself for going screen-by-screen after she just SLICED OPEN HER VEIN just so I could get this nice shot to share with y'all. Taking screencaps on True Blood can be risky business, especially when you're dealing with the bad girls.

[Thanks, Ann. We appreciate your commitment to the job - Jen]

I live to serve.