And When I Die - Part 1 of 2 - Sinners

Episode Synopsis: Listen, y'all, this season finale was so cuh-RAY-zee that I don't even know where to start. Lafayette, possessed by Marni, tortures Jesus until he gives up his super-strong-Mexican-juju-magic, and then kills him. Jason tells Hoyt that he slept with Jessica, and Hoyt beats the crap out of him. Alcide has kicked Debbie out for good and asks Sookie (in a very roundabout way) if she will consider being with him so they can stay out of trouble together. Sookie turns him down, and then tells Eric and Bill that she can't choose either of them, either. For those of you keeping track, that's THREE hot men she turned down this episode. Bill and Eric murder Nan Flanagan and her guards, Alcide discovers that a vamp (Russell Edgington?) has broken free from his concrete prison, and Jason is visited by Vamp!Reverend Newlin. Ghost René warns Arlene that Terry and his old army pal are nothing but trouble. Sookie, Tara, and Holly call on Bon Temps spirits for help with Marni/Lafayette, and Antonia and Gran (!!!) appear to bring Marni to the other side. Debbie shows up to kill Sookie with a shotgun, but Tara jumps in the way and gets blasted. Sookie then shoots Debbie in the neck (ouch) before realizing that Tara is really not ok. And now, all I can say is "WHAT?!"

Lafayette is possessed by Marni. He is also possessed with a fierceness that mere mortals generally don't experience.

Please experience now his fierce kimono. I'm not digging the yellow track pants, but I love the kimono. Did Marni inherit some fashion sense when she took over his body??

GASP. Apparently not.

What IS that? I'll tell you. That is a muumuu, my friends. A MUUMUU. Lafayette probably owns the muumuu for comical, sassy, just-lyin-around-the-house purposes... either that or Marni possessed Lafayette and after killing Jesus (sob) made straight for the nearest hippie store for a shopping spree. Yikes, y'all.

King Bill has an unending supply of tailored suits. I like the gray tie on this one though...

...but as we all know, Bill and Eric are at their best when they're chained up to a stake and mostly naked. Well, maybe not chained to a stake. But definitely the mostly naked bit. Definitely.

Also, of COURSE poor Ginger went as a sexy nurse for Halloween. It's appropriate because she's been taking care of poor Pamsicle all season while Eric's been out tooting around with Sookie and fighting witches. Ginger probably only has one Halloween costume, actually, come to think of it.

Speaking of people with only one outfit.... Alcide is wearing the same plaid shirt we saw him in like six episodes ago. Sigh. Buddy, when are you gonna learn? Sookie isn't attracted to flannel. We all remember how well Sam fared with that tactic season 1.

Unfortunately, Hoyt is not doing so well either... Granted, these are his work duds, but when you look at what heartbroken Hoyt is wearing versus what Jason is wearing... you kinda can't blame Jess. Really.

Purrrrrrrr. So casual. So yummy.

And later on, a lil more skin from Mr. Stackhouse. Yes, please.

Jess shows up on Halloween lookin' like a sessy Little Red Riding Hood, and if Jason thought he would get away with being a Good Guy and Doing The Right Thing By Making Her Leave Without Them Doing Anything, he was sorely mistaken.

Booya.

Nan shows up in her biker bitchy glory, with a new leather jacket, a new armed and armored entourage, and a paranoia to rival ol' Russell's back in season 3.... But Bill and Eric don't want no revolution, so they cut the guards' heads off and stake the heck outta Nan.

Gross. Can't believe they finally took her out. As Eric said: "What a bitch."

And When I Die - Part 2 of 2 - Saints

I just wanted to take a minute to appreciate the fact that for the first time in three seasons (flashbacks notwithstanding) we got to see Gran -- albeit in a nightgown with dirt in her hair, on Halloween, for the purpose of dispelling Marni's effed up witch-spirit. Poor Gran was the first emotionally significant casualty of the whole series, way back in season one. Sigh. Sookie still isn't over it, really.

Whoops, I guess I should have warned against gratuitous multiple-vampire feeding... Sookie looks superfierce though. The denim is nice, the floral T is sweet, and the leather jacket! Be still my heart, Sookie, you've finally graduated from Delia*s hoodies?! That's my girl.

And can we talk about Sookie's awesome knotted bun? Casual but feminine. And super hot. A+!!!

They went to some pains to make Tara look sweet and loving in this episode, even though this girl has been through Hell and back multiple times (do not pass "GO," do not collect $200) and has a lot of anger and crazy pent up inside of her to show for it. Unlike Sookie, who tends to have crazy stuff happen to her and then she carries on somehow, Tara has shown a lot of signs in the last season or two of real wear and tear on her sanity. But her hair looks lovely here, and I like the pink top on her...

...but not the denim suit. The wash is too light and the two items are the same wash. Tara, honey, what happened to your cagefighter leather and combat boots???

Oh, poor Sam. No family left (poor Tommy!) except the hope of building new family with Luna and Emma now that all the bad nasty people are dead (the Mickens, Marcus, etc). Sam looks sharp in a suit, you gotta admit.

Even when he's the only one at his brother Tommy's funeral other than Maxine Fortenberry....

...who, although sporting her usual over-the-top fabrics and styles, looks really nice in spite of it all, and genuinely loved Tommy (even though he was a conniving little cuss). Her words of wisdom are actually even comforting to Sam, and it is possible that Hell also froze over while she was making her speech about family and life. Who knew she had it in her?!

Luna and Emma show up to the funeral at the last moment, looking equally lovely in funeral-appropriate darks, but with a splash of pattern from Luna, who is also a contender for Bon Temps' Most Fashion Forward now that Sookie has lost all of her sundresses.

Although Holly's devastating Halloween costume is beyond anything I could ever have imagined her in, she did a lot of good deeds this week so I'm putting her on the saints list anyway.

Besides, the costume itself is actually almost impressively awful.

And of course, since it's Halloween suddenly (what?) Arlene and Terry show up to work at Merlotte's dressed as zombies. Extremely PG-rated zombies. (Also, shout out to Arlene's kids, who are dressed as an alien/monster and Teen Mom. Kudos, kids.)

Poor Jesus. Poor, poor, POOR Jesus. I can't even stand it. He was such a wonderful character.... on so many levels.... one of them being that his eyes matched any blue or green item of clothing he ever had on, and his hair was so ruffly and friendly.... Oh, that, and he had lots of juju to save people with. But. Yes. Erm. Sadface dot com slash bye hottie.

In conclusion, all I really have to say is that we're in for a regular good old fashioned revengefest next season. There's a whole heap of trouble happenin' in Bon Temps and our unfortunate heroes (Sookie and... well... whoever else, I guess) are going to have their work cut out for them. I am thrilled that we were able to recap this season, though, and I look forward to the next one, even if there are zombies a-comin'.... See y'all next summer!

Mini Recap: And When I Die

This episode title is appropriate, considering that in Bon Temps, it's clearly not about if you will die, but when (and how violently)

Plaid Shirt Count = 1
The count went way down a few episodes ago and alas, never recovered. The plaid is just one example of the things that have died on TB this season - see below

Country Girl Chic of the Week
I am sorry to say that Sookie's sundresses died a slow death, too. Just like the plaid, they were plentiful at the beginning of the season, but all but disappeared in the second half. However, Sookie did bring the cute this week with her brown leather jacket and floral t-shirt underneath. She was really rocking the florals this season! I guess when there is so much death around you, the last you can do is wear live things on your clothes.

Philosophy ala Vamp
Maxine Fortenberry had a rare moment of kindness and inspiration when she showed up at Tommy's grave to show her support to Sam. When she said, "we do the best with what we've got" I was surprised and realized maybe she's not as ignorant as she looks. And her words also made me sympathize a bit more with the bad fashion in Bon Temps - the characters can't help that they only have Walmart and maybe a couple of army/navy outlets to buy their clothes. They make the best with what they've got, even if all they've got are bad Halloween costumes. 

Best "Uh-Oh" Moment
The Sixth Sense moments just kept coming when Arlene saw the ghost of Rene, her crazy serial killer ex, warn her to get away from Terry. I am no witch, but I foresee this causing problems in next season. And Scott Foley as a new guest star?! I could almost accept the possibility that sweet, unassuming Terry could be evil if it means adding more man candy to the show! On the fashion-front, I have to give props to Arlene for her zombie costume accessories; I have to agree with Sookie that her severed toe necklace was "super cute" (in a kitschy costume kind of way). Leave it to residents of a town like Bon Temps to actually look MORE fashionable (and normal) on Halloween. 

Biggest Shocker
In usual TB fashion, most of the big shockers came at the end, in a kind of pile. The evangelical Reverend from a couple of seasons ago is back, AND he's a vampire (and wearing an unfortunate purple super-preppy ensemble that made him look like he was barfed out of a Tommy Hilfiger ad). Jesus is dead (ay dios mio that makes me sad - he was muy caliente). Sookie shot Debbie and her trailer-trash acid wash in the head, and Tara might be dead, too?! But you know how it is in this town - death never means the end of anything. I hope this could also apply to the town's fashions - I am pulling for a resurrection of sundresses and plaid in Season 5!

Don't worry, Truebies - it's not all over yet! Alyson will be here Wednesday with the full recap of the finale!