Let's Get Out of Here - Part 1 of 2 - The Cat's Meow

Episode Synopsis: Antonia's witches are starting to wonder what the real deal is with Marni's possession and Antonia's motives; there is a heckuva lot of bloodshed happening in Bon Temps this week and it's not just the vamps. Sookie survives the gunshot thanks to Alcide carrying her home and Bill feeding her his blood, which subsequently reawakens her feelings for him (y'know, cause that's what vamp blood does to ya). It pisses Alcide off that Sookie's worried about Eric (now under Antonia's spell hardcore and sent to kill Bill... hah. Kill bill!) so he peaces out to go be with Debbie, but Debbie's jealousy has hit a breaking point: she does a shot of V before offering to help Sookie fix whatever's going on with the witches to prove to Sookie that she's a good wolf now. Lafayette gets possessed by Princess Tiana (actual name: Mavis) and steals demon Baby Mikey, but Jason, Jesus and Andy track him down and talk him out of it, with a grand finale of Jesus performing an exorcism. Jess and Jason get down and dirty in the bed of a pickup truck, Luna and Sam get freaky in the forest on a camping trip, and Sookie has a naughty dream about both Bill AND Eric! Whooo boy, things are steaming up around here!

I simply must must MUST start this off with Sookie's dream sequence ensemble. Girlfriend is sporting a red silk or chiffon vintage-looking short robe that is TO DIE FOR and some serious black pumps. She needed the pumps, you see, to be tall enough for Eric to make out with her properly. Duh.

I mean, talk about just gorgeous. If I was having a dream about two guys like Bill and Eric... which I'm not saying I have or haven't... I would totally dream myself wearing something ridiculous and gorgeous like this.

Later on, however, Sookiepants cools off and wears cuffed denim, red Keds and a black hoodie from (I'm pretty sure) Delias. Like, Sookie, what gives? You're SO CUTE about 75% of the time, and then you pull something out of the closet that's definitely from your high school wardrobe. Maybe it's time to step those sundresses up a notch, babe.

Also conflicting? Jessica. She's miserable because Hoyt kicked her out and Jason showed no sympathy, but she's wearing great colors for her skin tone. The dress is cute, but for the first time in ages I believe she's got too much eyeliner and I'm not digging the straight hair completely... She looks weighed down. But I guess that's logical since she's super guilty about everything, including how badly she wants to jump Jason Stackhouse's bones. Yowza!

Nan Flanagan is taking a leaf out of Pamsicle's book with the motorcycle gang S&M vibe she has going on. The boots, jacket, and pants are sweet, and that slicked back hair is awesome.

Later, Nan does a complete 180 and shows up to the Tolerance Rally looking like a Stepford wife... a totally uncomfortable, bitchy Stepford wife. Pink is NOT your color, Nan.

King Bill wins at suits. That's all there is to it. Love the pocket square and tie. Love the cut of the suit. He's so darn DAPPER these days.

Back in Sookie's dream sequence of lurrrve, Bill wears something more like what he wore in seasons one and two: a henley-style undershirt and a plain leather jacket. Although he is still sporting his King Ring. Like a boss.

At the Tolerance Rally, Bill's Louisiana sheriffs (is that a good name for a country cover band or what?) look slightly more put together than the last time we saw them, but they're all still kind of vapid and two-dimensional as characters.

Jason looks pretty cute like all the time, so it's no wonder that he makes a ridiculously large belt buckle and a plain white t-shirt look good with normal jeans and a legit leather jacket. He's at war with his feelings for Jess and for his best friend Hoyt, yeah, but he's still the Resident Bon Temps Human Hottie. Respeck.

A shout-out goes to Sam, who sports a faded denim (possibly a pale chambray!) shirt on the camping trip with Luna and Emma, and looks like a glorious future stepdad in the process. Nicely done, sir!

Let's Get Out Of Here - Part 2 of 2 - In the Doghouse

Listen, there's a lot of violent stuff happening this season. Amid the brute force of weres and witches and vamps alike, I wanted to make sure to give ample opportunity to ogle the incredible force that is Alcide.

Ohhhhhh yes. A four-dollar grey beater from Wal-Mart? I'm so into that.

Good LORD he's chiseled out of marble! No, wait, not chiseled -- he simply burst out of the earth fully formed and perfectly naked, no hammer or chisel required. Also, his hair is perfect.

Let's talk about poor Debbie for a second. She had a rough year last year: getting hooked on V and sleeping with a crazy wolf (moment of silence for Cooter, please) and trying to kill lots of people... And now she's sober and blonde. Her jealousy of Sookie manifests in many ways.

Aaaaaand she's fallen off the wagon. That only took nine episodes. Bad dog, Debbie, bad dog.

Unfortunately, the Shreveport Pack's current Alpha is greasy Marcus, who seemed suspicious at first, then kind of all right, and now we know the real truth: he's Luna's abusive ex-husband, and he owns approximately two t-shirts, one pair of wrecked jeans, and zero hair ties. Seriously, man, cut it or tie it back.

Hoyt Fortenberry is on the bad dog list too. He's acting like a total whackjob since Jessica dumped him, and it's totally taking me by surprise because he's always been such a sweetheart. Also, Hoyt, that t-shirt needs to be retired. What happened to your nice foray into the realm of American Apparel hoodies??

Bad dog numero uno this week? Tommy Merlotte. His new skinwalking hobby isn't just awkward as heck to watch, it's actually revolting and he's getting himself beat up way more than is normal even for him. He's wearing all of Sam's flannel though, which makes up our entire Plaid Shirt Count for the week.

I really don't even want to talk about Tommy's selection of jacket for his meet-and-greet with Marcus while posing as Sam... I mean, is it all denim? Is that a canvas placket? Is it from the late sixties/early seventies (and not in a good way)? WHO KNOWS.

I also would just like to give a shout out to Roy, the dude-witch who has become Antonia/Marni's teacher's pet. Roy is both awkward and bloodthirsty, which proves to be an obnoxious combination, giving his Wicca wardrobe a military edge (note the oversized green canvas vest. 

Sit, Roy. Stay.

Mini Recap: Lets Get Out of Here

Oh, poor Sookie - she's the pastrami in a triple-decker hot man sandwich. Cue mini-violin and eye roll.

Plaid Shirt Count = 0
How is this possible?! Did I miss something? Why, yes, yes I did. I missed the plaid. No plaid = sad

Country Girl Chic of the Week
I was just starting to doze off when Jessica saved the day with her purple dress dotted in pink flowers. The best revenge after getting dumped is to look pretty! Jason obviously agreed, because he wasted no time in taking it off. Still, I'm sorry to say that King Bill has the ladies beat by a long shot in the suave and sophisticated department. That's good PR, right there.

Philosophy ala Vamp
"There have been times, I'll admit, when it's occurred to me to put my career on hold and become a maker. But these last several hours here with you have erased those doubts forever." - Nan to Jessica. Jessica is right, you are really different in person than you are on tv, Nan. Much less warm fuzzies. But I suppose that's to be expected for someone who's literally dead inside.

Best "Uh-Oh" Moment
I don't see Alcide agreeing to help Marcus ending well. I also don't see Debbie going back to V being a good scene. Also, where did Alcide take Tommy after he was beaten up by the other wolves?! In a word, Alcide's whole situation is just screwed up right now and he needs to just run away from it all, get over here and make out with me already.

Biggest Shocker
Honestly, this whole episode was a rather large snooze-fest in terms of big, shocking moments. I really cannot pinpoint anything shocking in this episode. Everything that happened made me go "well, yeah, I kinda saw that coming". I think the biggest shock for me was that there was no plaid shirts to be seen - I may or may not have fallen off my chair in disbelief over that one.

Lets all get in here on Wednesday for Alyson's full recap, ya hear?