Season finale! I know, my Sunday nights have lost meaning, too. Sookie and Jason go into the belly of the beast (the Vamp Authority HQ) to save Pam, Jessica, and Bill. Bill's doing just fine, though, eliminiating all his competition for Prophet, including the lovely Salome. We'll miss your gorgeous gowns, honey! Sam and Luna are also at Authority HQ trying to rescue Emma (omg, it's like Gossip Girl, where all the characters end up at the same party du jour), Alcide takes over as packmaster, Andy becomes a dad, and Lafayette makes margaritas.

I'm sorry to say that yet again, the True Blood wardrobe crew has denied us costume changes.

My feelings exactly, Jason. I'm trying not to take it personally but really, plot/shmot. We have a fashion blog to write and we demand a fresh supply of outfits.

Oh hey, Sook? You cool with staying in the Barbie Fairy Sundress for the first half of the episode?

Geez, you Stackhouses are so touchy.

Just look at Mom and Dad here. Is it just me, or do these seem like some mighty nefarious hallucinations? I don't remember Mr. Stackhouse being such a dick in the flashbacks.

However, we do get to see where Sookie gets her floral dress tendancy. Oh, and ten bucks says that Ghost!Mrs. Stackhouse will cross into the physical plane and use those knitting needles to stab a vamp in some sort of big battle scene next season. You heard it here first.

Yes, families do get stuck in fashion ruts, don't they? For instance, the Messieurs Herveaux have planned a mani-pedi excursion (no really, go back and watch this scene), and I'm guessing that'll be followed by a trip to the Good Ol' Boy Warehouse.

Come on down, folks! We've got barn jackets and chambray shirts galore!

Seems like The G-O-B Warehouse also sells super snug sleevless shirts. This almost makes up for Alcide not taking his shirt off this episode. Almost.

Doesn't he know he's supposed to be romance-cover ready at all times? Look, Rikki's ready with her bodice-ripper pose and pretty balconette bra, but Alcide? Boy is not delivering.

Wait, wait - we have a fireman's carry! This is better. Rikki, you lucky wolf-ette, you. And my, those are some might low-rise jeans.

I do have to give snaps to another female wolf, Martha, who brings it with a leather/fur jacket and some jewel tones.

AND a crossbow. THE accessory of the season, you guys. Obviously Hunger Games fever has reached Shreveport pack.

Plus the detailed pocket? I die. Well, not really. But she's a grandma in rural Louisiana, so my standards are a little more forgiving.

But then, with the (slightly) younger set sporting stems like these, maybe there's something in the local water supply?

Please tell me Holly and Arlene did not serve all day in 4" platform wedges. Is this 2 Broke Girls?

No, srsly with the plat wedges. Even Jane Bodehouse is in on the action. You know she put on her sassy red shoes, her green eyeshadow, and declared it Girls Night Out: Party of One. Well done, old gal!

But those cargo shorts are doing you no favors. We've gotta talk.

You know, after you're done watching the fairy birth. Was this not one of the funniest moments all season?

Upon closer inspection we see that Jane is sporting an animal-print top and...are those...Mardi Gras beads? Oh honey. I don't want to even think about what went into getting those.

Just because Lafayette rocks the beads, doesn't mean they're for everyone.

I much prefer margarita-making, gold turban wearing La-La to the man he was at the top of the season. I mean, sure, he lost Jesus and had to go through the mourning period, but as I said before this is a fashion blog, and we like the pretty.

And lace! And a chili pepper apron! Babes, don't ever do that disappearing act ever again.

Sidenote: Arlene, snaps for the trendy fanny bag. Rather Chanel-esque, even though I know there's not a Chanel around for miles. Not even in Shreveport.

Also trendy is Andy's fairy girlfriend. When she's not shooting light out her fingers and spawning on the Merlotte's pool table, she moonlights as a starlet at Coachella.

Impractically short dress? Check. Boots? Check.

Lots of bling and makeup? Check, check. But seriously, Maurella knows how to do the varsity-level eye liner. She might even be able to teach Lafayette a thing or two.

Sorry, sorry, Lafayette. You know you're still the fairest of them all.

So fairy girlfriend has the babies in a most ::ahem:: enjoyable labor and delivery procedure, and leaves poor Andy with not one but four baby faes. BTW, the little ones wrapped in Merlotte's t-shirts, resting on a bed of bar towels and dishwasher racks are adorbs.

And rather realistic. If this was a lesser show, they'd be snoozing in fuzzy pink blankets seemingly procurred from thin air. Although I bet Coachella Fairy could do just that.

Alright. Let's do this.

So, here is the other thing that Sookie got to wear. I'm actually digging the denim zip-up but overall, this season has left YKYLF très sad for the Sookie that used to be. Yes, we've been obsessing over The Sundresses of Yore all season, but see how far our girl has fallen?

In case you've forgotten, this is why we mourn:

No, this is not from eight years ago, it just feels that way. This is from season four.

Sigh. Oh, for the days when Sookie was a ray of sunshine and Bill was a right gentleman with courtly manners who occasionally wore a suit.

I can't believe I used to be firmly on the Team Bill side. He's totally turned me off with this tiresome black-leather wearing, Sanguinista-spouting routine. Even our mutual love of Apple products can not sway me now.

Besides, Eric is a beautiful, beautiful man. How did I not notice this before? Why did no one tell me??

I know, I'm woefully late to the Alexander Skarsgard party. I vow to give more screen time to Mr. Northman during the next season. You're all here to witness this, right?

Oh hey, look! More black leather! Cut into forgettable silhouettes! Yawn. Bored now.

Vampire Stormtroopers, take a good look at Pamsicle here. Maybe ask Bill to buy you some better uniforms, because even though she's wearing the same Victorian dominatrix garb from the previous episode, she's still killing it in the H-T Black category.

I'll even give her a pass for wearing the same outfit twice. Being arrested and hauled into the Authority HQ doesn't really give a girl time to change.

But I guess she packed a makeup kit? Both her eyes and her lipstick are incredibly intact.

Aaand I spoke too soon about the lipstick. Hi, Tara!

In the words of Sookie: "Oh. Okay." I'll be interested to see where this storyline goes. I'm envisioning lots of spats, punctuated by couples shopping for fabulously edgy outfits.

Speaking of, Miss T is still in the sassy pants and ombre jacket from last episode, but I love the jacket so much that it deserves another look.

If I were Rutina Wesley, that jacket may have accidentally not made it back to Wardrobe, post filming. And I may have just happened to not know of its whereabouts. What? With all that leather flying around the set, who can keep track of one little jacket?

Ok, I was really sad to see fresh-faced Chelsea blown to bits. How adorable was she with her black/white/yellow (Yellow! A happy color in the Authority bunker!) and textbook and her cabbage patch dance of joy after passing her statistics exam?

I know the feeling, buttercup. Statistics was a bear.

But really, contrast sweet Chelsea with raging Rosalyn. Did you not want to slap a biatch? Although I am on board with her nipped-in reptile jacket and simple black shift. Clearly she follows the "wear one fabulous thing per day" rule.

Salome kicks things off in this flowy pant suit. I think? She was sitting cross-legged in a nice mid-century modern chair during this whole scene so I couldn't tell if it was pants or a dress.

Knowing her, it was probably a dress. I don't think we've ever seen her in pants. For instance, for a quick trip to Lilith's tabernacle, she dons a lovely lilac gown, offset with a badass cuff.

Well that was fine before the "level two protocols" were initiated, but now that shizz got real, it's time for something more glam.

Bra-VO Salome. Of all the fabulous drapes, tasteful cuts, and flattering colors, this is by far the best thing you've ever worn.  Even if you are being a bit of a conceited ass while wearing it.

It's just a shame it went down in a puddle of goo.

Hey Luna, why so angry? You pull off menswear rather well. Take that look and run with it once you get out of the bunker. Just my piece of advice.

But, you know, naked works well too.

Yes, when Luna wasn't in Rev Newlin's suit, she was in her birthday suit. The vamps don't see the need to give their human stock clothing, I guess. There was a whole lot of skin in this jail cell. Brrr...chilly!

As for Sam, he had three looks this episode. Nekkid, as above...

...insectile...

...and covered in entrails, after he flew into Rosalyn's mouth, and then shifted to human form. I guess there's more than one way to kill a vamp.

Yeahhh, not a fan of this "completely covered in blood" trend?

What's up, Scary Prophet/Demon/Lilith Bill! I'm sure you won't cause any trouble at all in Season 6!

My, there was quite the revolving door at Vamp HQ this week! Jessica left (and came back); Eric, Nora, Russell and Steve left; Sam, Luna and Pam came in. Alas, there was a revolving of people but not so much of fashion. Several people were sporting the same outfits as last week. Geez, don't Salome, Jessica and Nora understand that we have to write recaps EVERY WEEK. You are powerful women! The least you could do is throw on a new pair of earrings. Do you think Hilary Clinton got to where she is because she DIDN'T put time and effort into her outfits??! Hrm, never mind...

Anyhoo, I can't hate on them too much because they may have the same outfits on but at least they are hot - so hot they are worth posting two weeks in a row. Observe:

Salome in her Vamp standard-issue black leather jacket, goth necklace and gorg hair.

And the other She-of-the-same-outfit-and-gorgeous-hair (ok seriously is there something in all the blood that they drink that really nourishes the scalp!?). Leave it to Jess to make a hot pink tee and zebra-print skinny jeans look...not trashy.

Remember this rockin' burgundy dress with leather trimmed cutout back on Nora last week? Well, here it is again in all it's stylin' glory:

So pretty.

Nora, I gotta say I was worried about your style when the show started, but you have been wearing some fab frocks lately - keep it up, buttercup!

Ok, now moving onto the characters who actually changed their clothes this week. Sookie had to hide out in fairyland for a bit since they discovered that there is basically a bounty on her head. Unfortunately she had to borrow some fairy clothes, which, as we all know, are not exactly subdued:

Why hello, Bon Temps Barbie, nice of you to drop in. While I do appreciate the cut and I like me a vibrant colour, this just screams Pepto-Prom to me. A sweater covered in nipple-like jewels over bright pink taffeta may be ragin' fairy clubwear, but methinks it's a tad overdressed for super-Vamp fighting. Alas, a cute sundress this ain't.

Pam-sicle agreed to let Jessica hide out in her basement (and even lent her a coffin - what a consummate hostess), then later let the Authority punks (in their "Expendables" black combatwear, including berets) arrest her for the murder of Eric's sheriff replacement. I don't even remember his name, that's how quick of a blip he was on the show. As you may remember, this is a murder that TARA committed. Pam would never admit it, but deep down she's such a do-gooder. She's also fashionable - she continues her "Victorian Dominatrix" look with this fab corseted top.

Beware the Bitchface!

I am envious of her small waist and her ability to simultaneously look ladylike and intense. The tweed, high neckline and curls are very "lady-vamp who lunches" while the black leather straps and fingerless gloves say "don't f&*# with me or I'll run you over with my motorcycle".

Looks like the fabness runs in the family because Tara was rocking a wicked outfit this week too:

This ombre leather jacket is so cool (SO much cooler than just plain black) and I actually find the leopard-print pants to be fun without being over the top. The dangly earrings and sexy sneer complete the ensemble. Jessica implied that Tara would like to borrow more than just Pam's clothes, if you know what I'm saying. Tara denies it, but even so, could you blame her for being in love?

This week we were introduced to yet another (short-lived) character - a fairy 'elder' who has apparently been alive, like, forever and pretty much has all the thoughts and words in the entire world running around inside her head (eeks, and I can barely remember what I had for supper 4 days ago). You guys, this woman is a total kook, for reals - she breaks into interpretive dances spontaneously, asks non-sensical questions and wears a way over-the-top dress and necklace. In fact, I am pretty sure I see her on my bus every day.

Over-the-top DOES seem to be the fairy fashion motto, doesn't it? This dress isn't terrible, the print is just a tad loud and it looks like it's partially made from tinfoil (wonder if she can pick up HBO?). I will give her this - her hair is fabulous. And she thinks Ke$ha is a bad singer and speller, so that means we are besties. 

Alas, the men of Bon Temps were a huge bore this week - Eric wore (WHOAOUTOFCHARACTER!) a long-sleeve black shirt and black pants, Bill actually wore a black blazer that was quite nice but stuck with his usual (yawn) uniform of black and/or jeans, Jason wore his sherrif's uniform (which earns a few points for hotness, but, again - snooze), and Sam wore...well nothing. Unless you count white mouse fur.

Alcide was BY FAR the best dressed man this week:

*putstonguebackintomouthwipesupdrool*

Sure, he wore his usual uniform too, but he's allowed. In fact, I insist.

Let's start things off fabulously, shall we? Lafayette's over-the-top ridiculous ensembles are back, complete with headscarf and giant sparkly 'L' buckle. Just in case you forgot who he was.

I'm going to ignore the single feather earring (does Lala watch Pretty Little Liars?), because the leopard print tank + sparkly sweater? AWESOME.

Also note-worthy: his baby blue snakeskin kicks. Did you steal these from Billy?

I think Pam's outfit confirms that they read YKYLF in Bon Temps.

Clearly she borred this look from Zoe's collection of spiked leather jackets. But the leather dress? All Pam. Plus her hair is looking back to its glam self after the horrid crimping mess of late.

...or apparently I spoke too soon? It looks like Pam let a three-year-old play hairdresser on her (as if...Pam wouldn't go near a kid with a ten-foot pole). Love the merlot, Victorian inspired dress, though.

Speaking of Pam and her progeny, Tara is seriously killing it. The McQueen-esque jacket and spiked jewellery are a far cry from her old wardrobe. Vamp=fabulous as far as I'm concerned.

So in love with Tara's cobalt leather jacket. She accessorizes nicely with a giant sword from Eric's Viking days.

Actually, no, the sword was to kill Eric's sad replacement, Nigel, who favors Mardi Gras jewels and ripped jeans. Thank goodness he's gone. I really didn't feel like recapping his outfits.

Let's hope Eric will be back soon to take his rightful place, because the poor boy is still trapped in the AVL's headquarters, divested of his leather jacket.

Probably because the rest of the Authority didn't want anyone thinking he was a part of their leather brigade... there seems to be a predilection to leather in the AVL, no?

They've even got Jess in on it!

They do branch out, though. Like Salome's elegant, but boring navy dress.

Or Nora's awesome burgundy cutout dress.

I guess jewel tones are the thing at the AVL. Jewel tones and leather. Just in case you get an invite to one of their parties.

And then there's Rosalyn, a proper Southern women in her pearls and tweed jackets.

Or Kibwe (that's really his name. I looked it up Wikipedia.) and his bizarre patterns and odd choice of a cravat and grandpa sweater.

Back to Jessica. She actually looks like... a normal teenager. Not a fabulous baby vamp whose daddy is the King.

Mad love for her dangly heart earrings though. It's all about the accessories.

And accessorizing with weapons is the new thing! Here Sookie pairs her blah floral pjs with a sleek gun.

I honsetly think Bill needs to come back to Bon Temps because Sookie is in a sartorial rut. WHERE ARE THE CUTE SUNDRESSES?!? Here we have a conservative rose-printed dress... paired with adorable slippers. Oh Sookie, so predictable.

Maybe she can learn a thing or two from her fairy friends. Morella is an absolutely stunning in this silk handkerchief dress. I love the pattern, and the color is totally in line with the fae's tendency towards the gaudy/tacky.

Speaking of tacky, that's exactly what Morella's costume jewellery is.

And the fae-boys are in on it, too. Not many guys can pull off Chinese-inspired silk tops. It must be a fairy thing, because Claude does it effortlessly.

Wait... do you think Lafayette could be a fairy? Who but La-La gives the fae a run for their money in the Tacky Olympics?

But first we start, as we should, with Lafayette...

Oh so many things to say, but the first that sprang to mind was that Mr. Reynolds (and here you thought La-La was surname-free, much like Cher) turned an Urban Outfitters sheet into a lovely print top. Is Lafayette turning into a faux-hipster? Will he next buy a record player and refuse to listen to mp3s?

Speaking of, at first I thought this an outake from "Dazed and Confused" or possibly some hipster initiation.

But no, it's Young Alcide! I know, it looks just like nothing like him!

Lack of convincing casting aside, snaps for Alcide's vintage shirt and flowing locks.

Young Alcide and Young Debbie learn what it means to be part of a wolfpack...

...and who better to teach them then The T-1000!?

Sporting a bare chest and barely-there vest, is Alcide's dad a werewolf or a male stripper? Wait a second, in the pop-culture universe, Alcide was in Magic Mike, so maybe male stripping runs in his family! Oh.My.Channing. Pop culture overload.

And here we have Jason Stackhouse calming Jess down, as they think of clues to find poor Hoyt. I'm digging Jason's burnt brown jacket and Jess's tiny lace glove...things. And is my mind in the gutter, or does this resemble a still shot from a flick of the ::ahem:: adult cinema genre?

But officer, I can't afford bail! How will I pay my way to freedom?...

Bow chika bow bow, indeed.

At The Authority headquarters, we get a glimpse of Bills fashion choice for the night...

Hey Bill, the birthday suit and incisors look suits you! Bill and Eric have worn the same outfit for the past few episodes, which makes me think of a random question - do you think they dry clean all their attire, or are they more down-to-earth machine wash type guys?

And here we have the award for (demented) brother and sister of the year. Nora might be batty, but her  purple gown is form fitting and sexy, yet chic. Well played, crazy vampire sister!

More Ippolita...

But not all female vampires do the sexy-glam thing. Take Techie Vamp here. Honey, you're cute. Try dressing like a girl every now and then. Lisbeth Salander called, and she wants her wardrobe back.

As Vampire Lisbeth tries to help Eric escape, he is double crossed by... Bill? Did True Blood pull a Freaky Friday? When did Bill become the bad guy and Eric the hero?

Beats me!

While Eric was being hauled off, his former progeny was doing her typical dominatrix thing, this time with a vaguely Asian vibe.

But uh-oh! There's a new sheriff in town (literally) and promptly he promptly kicks her geisha ass.

Bleh, this new guy has nothing on Eric. Bad etiquette, bad attitude, bad wardrobe.

Speaking of bad wardrobes, hey there Russell! And Steve!

You guys don't like to mix up too much, do you?

Ok, Russell does accessorize later on with a bit of fur. Cutest freaking puppy ever, right? But wait - it's Emma!

Denim Dan, you let your pack down! That'll teach you to trust a wolf in a Canadian tuxedo.

This was the same dress/jacket combo Sookie wore last episode, but I wanted to point out her boots (that you can't really see...sorry). I love that she toughened up a girly ensemble with some edgy kicks. 

Same jacket, different dress (this one is by Anthropologie). While we're still awaiting the return of full-blown florals on every outfit, sweet dresses like this one will have to do. At this point, I'll take pretty much anything over her Merlotte t-shirt and cutoffs. 

Sookie's best friend has not only transformed into a vampire but her entire wardrobe has transformed--into high-class stripper garb. This week, Tara trades in a zipper collar for what looks like an unbearably tight corset. Maybe that's why Tara is angry all the time...because she is always in the most uncomfortable workwear.

Vampires really do have more fun. Look at this sexy outfit Jessica gets to wear to find some lovin' at Fangtasia. Massive amounts of eye makeup complement the tousled, wavy hair. But my favorite part of the outfit--the fingerless gloves. How...vogue.  

Sidenote: I WANT her hair. 

Tara's better half also usually looks semi-uncomfortable in her clothing choices; however, Pam tries out a new hairstyle this week. Last week was 80s pop-star. This week, wannabe geisha. Surprising result--I think I prefer Pam's crimped look to this pile of hair. 

This has got be the most covered, most normal, most minimalist we have seen Arlene. Her fire engine red hair isn't so fire-enginey, Her clothes are not super-tight nor horribly mismatched. And is that a rhinestone applique on her chest? I think it is! How mom-like.  

This fairy gets my vote for best dressed of the week. Slightly flapper inspired with a dose of 2012 in the leather shorts, this fairy needs to help Sookie every week so we can see what other fabulous era-combinations she comes up with. 

Present Bill is so boring. No colors, no leather, no print, no nothing.

But early 1900s Bill...

...is oh-so-dapper. 

Salome continues her fashion reign of supremacy with this emerald green gown. She is always so put together but also relaxed in her luxurious outfit choices. 

More Alexander McQueen...

Like really? Who can wear a deep-v, sheer long-sleeve, black dress and look good? Apparently Salome can, which also means she can stand at the head of the table. 

Nora is slowly but surely coming up to Salome's standards in the wardrobe department. Maybe this dress was one of Salome's castoffs that wasn't quite right? It's not quite right for Nora either but at least she is not chanting craziness in a UV punishment cell anymore. 

This Authority member had an absolutely terrible skirt-suit last week but she steps up this week (must be the after-effects of all that wild partying). Loving the teal and heather gray color combo. 

And I leave you with little piece of creepiness. I will pray for the day that Steve Newlin buys a new sweater. He shouldn't have to borrow his human father's sweaters anymore, right?!

ALSO: Sam helps Andy hunt down the hate crime perps, Alcide "trains" to kick his packmaster's ass, Jason shoots Jess in the head, Tara's mom disowns her, and Hoyt joins the aforementioned hate group. It was a busy night.

I'd like to start things off here on a positive note, so here's Alcide's abs. Homina homina homina! Although Martha is kinda right when she calls him "Rambo." What is that bandanna, Alcide?

Ok, that was pleasant. Now for the rest of the recap.

We see the return of some floral prints to Sookie's wardrobe, layered with boots and a dark denim jacket. Super cute for visiting Luna and Sam in the hospital and also nice for moments of riveting self-doubt and existential crisis. It's an appropriately dark ensemble, I suppose.

Bless Jess for adding color to the insanity! I am starting to think she has the most costume changes in the whole show. This silky robe is loud, yes, but fun, and suits her wild and fickle tastes. Also, her hair looks fab.

Right, hair! This crimped hair is an interesting development compared to Pam's usual voluptuous curls. It's... uh... fun? Maybe she was feeling nostalgic for the 80s?

80s Pam. Now there's a thought. I do believe I'd enjoy seeing the various vamps throughout the various decades. Can you imagine Eric in the 60s?

But let's focus on Tara in the 2010s. Holy -- ! Well, I suppose this was only a matter of time. Since, you know, Pam is her maker. Wow. Also, not the outfit I'd want to be caught dead in when my mom walked in. (You get it? Dead? Cause Tara's a vampire now? Haha....right.) The zipper-choker looks particularly uncomfortable.

Poor Tara's mom - a minister's wife in Fangtasia. Those gloves. The feathered hair. That print. How insanely awkward.

Wait, no, I don't feel bad for her. She was a psycho alcoholic who beat Tara with glass bottles in previous seasons. That was insane.

Speaking of insane, the fairy nightclub workers look like Britney Spears backup dancers from the Circus tour. Or rather, if a high school drama director was going for the Britney Spears Backup Dancer Look. So confusing.

How many layers does she have on, anyway? It looks like this outfit would take a very long time to get into.

Club Fae is too much. How about a palette cleanser? 

Oh, Nora. Eric is so totally pissed at you. But your hair is so perfectly neat and your snug black blazer is so simple and elegant! I'm hoping we'll get to see Nora in something more fancy, but it's hard when Salome is around, hogging the fashion spotlight.

See, look at these goddess-curls and the gold cuff. Her black silhouette is not a slinky little dress like one might think, oh no -- it's a pantsuit. Palazzo pants, I might add. With an obi-style leather belt (I'm assuming leather because pleather is not a vamp's style.) She looks gorgeous as usual, so it's no wonder everyone goes along with the plan and drinks up.

Especially when the other chancellors consider this outfit haute couture. Seriously, who is this vamp and who is her stylist??

Well you know Russell is a happy camper, now that he's been brought back to full power by the Authority, no less. His blue tie is actually really nice here, despite how much I dislike him as a being and wish that Bill and Eric had killed him when they had the chance.

This girl singing karaoke for her drunk and teary family (and presumably new husband in the front row) both stands and dresses like a Glee reject. I actually thought they were trying to reference Wizard of Oz with the blue dress and green curtains in the back -- she looked like Dorothy for a hot second. Oh, and I would make a crack about ruby slippers and the amount of blood she's about to lose, but I won't.

Bill and Eric are STILL wearing their leather jackets, dark tees and dark denim. That makes...what? Two outfits this entire season? Maybe three?

I just wanted to point out that at some point during their drunk rampage in N'Awlins, Bill gets a piggy back ride from Eric. You're welcome.

This week on The Twilight Zone True Blood: The Scooby Gang (aka Sookie and her man-ions) are finally enjoying their fond reunion with Russell Edgington when the Authority swoops in and captures him. Sam and Luna entrust Martha to take care of Emma while they practice some vigilante justice in order to find out who's killing shifters. Jason contemplates some vigilante justice of his own, taking Sookie to the fairy nightclub to get some answers about their parents' death. Meanwhile, Terry leaves town to protect his family from the fire monster, Tara continues to wrestle with both her new identity and Jessica, while Hoyt becomes even more sad. I didn't realize that was possible.

Hopeless is certainly a good word to describe life in this sleepy little Louisiana town. Well, not completely, I suppose - judging by Alcide's abs they at least have a good gym in the vicinity:

It's all about quality of life in a community, right? That makes two episodes in a row that open with these babies and all I have to say is 'well done, producers'.

Sadly, our rock-hard wolf here stays fully clothed for the rest of the episode, but thankfully in a pretty hot outfit.

Chambray shirt and leather jacket - a little bit chic, a little bit blue collar. Suitable for covering the muscles, yet still showing the shape, yet practical for when those claws and fangs decide to spring out (and the clothes fall in the dirt). And can I get an amen for a man's shirt on this show that is NOT a henley or an undershirt?

Hmmm...it appears I spoke too soon.

Well, Jason was sleeping so I suppose I can accept the undershirt as a practical pj option for a steamy night in the South. At least he's dressed like a grown man and not a five year old on Christmas morning.

Besides, the dream that he has in this scene is one I wouldn't mind having sometime:

Why, hello, Mr. Stackhouse! I can see where Jason gets his good looks from. Ok, I realize that this is a whole 'Field of Dreams' moment and that if he were still around today he would be a 50-something with a beer belly and a creepy sneer, but his imaginary self is attractive. And he's wearing a button-up shirt that is NOT plaid!

Speaking of which, what is with the ghosts in this town dressing better than the real, alive people?! Remember the beautiful vintage-dressed black lady lurking around Arlene and Terry's house last season? People, it's pretty sad when your dead people are more fashionable than you. That should really speak volumes.

Oh hai, plaid shirt! How've you been? Haven't seen you in a while - how was your vacation? See any sundresses in your travels?

Sadly, the rest of the male crew were a pretty big snoozefest in the wardrobe department. Eric and Bill were in the same old black leather jackets that they have been in almost the entire season, which, although I agree are slick and go with the whole 'undead creature of the night' vibe they are putting down, they are nothing to write home to Grams about, know what I am saying ladies?

...wait...what was I saying?...

Right, clothing *ahem* So, Lafayette's (I am counting him under the "Guys" section, although he's kind of between camps) depression continues to manifest itself in his wardrobe (le sigh). While he did manage to put on a fab tiger-print headscarf, the jean jacket and yoga sweater layers are not doing you any favours. Someone needs to get La-La some uppers, stat; or better yet, give them to me because I just can't take any more of these construction-worker ensembles!! 

*sadface* is THE look for Summer 2012. 

But, hark, what is that I see?! A lavendar collared shirt and dress pants?! We can't be in Bon Temps anymore, Toto:

We are now at the Authority HQ - where people actually put effort into their appearance (this man had a beret on earlier - a BERET, y'all). THIS is a gentleman. This outfit is basically a high-end version of Alcide's above leather jacket and collared shirt, but sans danger of getting wolf spit all over it (just the blood of Lilith but whatevs - blood comes right out...not that I would know).

Sookie, True Blood's patron saint of dysfunction, continues to dress like a teenage girl. Then again, if you have the body of a 16-year-old, why not dress like one, right? I actually like the floral waffle-weave shirt she wears the morning after her sleepover with Alcide (apparently they really did just sleep):

This print is pretty and I'm happy to see some COLOUR up in this bish. It looks comfy, like something you would wear camping, but for a girl's-only camping trip (with electrical hookups for your hair straightener, natch). 

Later, for her trip to the fairy nightclub, she wears another comfy-yet-cute top:

You can't go wrong with polka-dots, really, and it is practical for an after-dark stroll in a damp field but it really doesn't say 'fairy nightclub' to me. She's a) too covered up, b) not wearing any lingerie as clothing, and c) is completely devoid of any glitter. Honey, your name most certainly will not be on the guest list.

My pick for best dressed of the week has to go to my girl, Salome - damn, that girl is smokin'! Her name would not only be on the list at every fairy nightclub but she'd have a reserved booth and free champagne (well, you know, if she didn't eat the help). 

Wicked shoulders, plunging v-neck and gothic jewelry. I could do without the Jo March bun, but I definitely lurve the hair up with the super-sexy ensemble. Now THIS is a lady.

More GUESS...

That's right, girl, use your assets to get ahead. Like Missy Elliot said 'ain't no shame, ladies do your thang'. Just make sure you're ahead of the game, girlfriend.

Really, the only other woman worth mentioning (aka. the only other woman that actually changed outfits) was Martha, shown here modelling the latest fabulous furs from the Paris collections:

Wow, I didn't think it was possible for a puppy to look creepy, but look at those eyes! Minus the whole 'burn a hole in your skull thing', Emma looks super soft and cuddly.

When she visits Luna and Sam in the hospital, Martha wears the ultimate True Blood uniform - a henley and a plaid shirt TOGETHER! 

I have to say, I do like the colours in this plaid and girl has some wicked hair, but all that makeup is way harsh...and would it kill her to smile? It's not like there is someone running around killing all her people or something...oh wait...

Mkay, moving on! Ladies, I have to be honest, if it weren't for Salome I would have just fast-forwarded through all your parts this week. I would scold you, but I am pretty sure the expressions on Holly and Arlene's faces can convey my feelings much better than any lecture I could impart:

I know your men are running you over the coals right now, but has it ever occurred to you that this might have something to do with your wardrobe? Think about it.