Tonight, on a very special True Blood... Russell, Eric and Bill and the remaining chancellors get CRUNK on Lilith's blood and storm out onto the streets of New Orleans. A good time is had by all (except the people they kill) culminating with a naked lady springing out of the spilled blood. Hey there, Lilith! Lafayette goes to Don Bartolo's casa in Mexico to get some answers on Jesus' fate, but instead gets all tied up and tortured. At the last second before Lala is killed, Don's preggo girlfriend straight-up murders Don Bartolo. WHOSE SIDE IS SHE ON and what's in her belly because totes it isn't human.
ALSO: Sam helps Andy hunt down the hate crime perps, Alcide "trains" to kick his packmaster's ass, Jason shoots Jess in the head, Tara's mom disowns her, and Hoyt joins the aforementioned hate group. It was a busy night.
I'd like to start things off here on a positive note, so here's Alcide's abs. Homina homina homina! Although Martha is kinda right when she calls him "Rambo." What is that bandanna, Alcide?
Ok, that was pleasant. Now for the rest of the recap.
We see the return of some floral prints to Sookie's wardrobe, layered with boots and a dark denim jacket. Super cute for visiting Luna and Sam in the hospital and also nice for moments of riveting self-doubt and existential crisis. It's an appropriately dark ensemble, I suppose.
Bless Jess for adding color to the insanity! I am starting to think she has the most costume changes in the whole show. This silky robe is loud, yes, but fun, and suits her wild and fickle tastes. Also, her hair looks fab.
Right, hair! This crimped hair is an interesting development compared to Pam's usual voluptuous curls. It's... uh... fun? Maybe she was feeling nostalgic for the 80s?
80s Pam. Now there's a thought. I do believe I'd enjoy seeing the various vamps throughout the various decades. Can you imagine Eric in the 60s?
But let's focus on Tara in the 2010s. Holy -- ! Well, I suppose this was only a matter of time. Since, you know, Pam is her maker. Wow. Also, not the outfit I'd want to be caught dead in when my mom walked in. (You get it? Dead? Cause Tara's a vampire now? Haha....right.) The zipper-choker looks particularly uncomfortable.
Poor Tara's mom - a minister's wife in Fangtasia. Those gloves. The feathered hair. That print. How insanely awkward.
Wait, no, I don't feel bad for her. She was a psycho alcoholic who beat Tara with glass bottles in previous seasons. That was insane.
Speaking of insane, the fairy nightclub workers look like Britney Spears backup dancers from the Circus tour. Or rather, if a high school drama director was going for the Britney Spears Backup Dancer Look. So confusing.
How many layers does she have on, anyway? It looks like this outfit would take a very long time to get into.
Club Fae is too much. How about a palette cleanser?
Oh, Nora. Eric is so totally pissed at you. But your hair is so perfectly neat and your snug black blazer is so simple and elegant! I'm hoping we'll get to see Nora in something more fancy, but it's hard when Salome is around, hogging the fashion spotlight.
See, look at these goddess-curls and the gold cuff. Her black silhouette is not a slinky little dress like one might think, oh no -- it's a pantsuit. Palazzo pants, I might add. With an obi-style leather belt (I'm assuming leather because pleather is not a vamp's style.) She looks gorgeous as usual, so it's no wonder everyone goes along with the plan and drinks up.
Especially when the other chancellors consider this outfit haute couture. Seriously, who is this vamp and who is her stylist??
Well you know Russell is a happy camper, now that he's been brought back to full power by the Authority, no less. His blue tie is actually really nice here, despite how much I dislike him as a being and wish that Bill and Eric had killed him when they had the chance.
This girl singing karaoke for her drunk and teary family (and presumably new husband in the front row) both stands and dresses like a Glee reject. I actually thought they were trying to reference Wizard of Oz with the blue dress and green curtains in the back -- she looked like Dorothy for a hot second. Oh, and I would make a crack about ruby slippers and the amount of blood she's about to lose, but I won't.
Bill and Eric are STILL wearing their leather jackets, dark tees and dark denim. That makes...what? Two outfits this entire season? Maybe three?
I just wanted to point out that at some point during their drunk rampage in N'Awlins, Bill gets a piggy back ride from Eric. You're welcome.