Part 1 of 2: It's always the wierd stuff that's the best
Season finale! I know, my Sunday nights have lost meaning, too. Sookie and Jason go into the belly of the beast (the Vamp Authority HQ) to save Pam, Jessica, and Bill. Bill's doing just fine, though, eliminiating all his competition for Prophet, including the lovely Salome. We'll miss your gorgeous gowns, honey! Sam and Luna are also at Authority HQ trying to rescue Emma (omg, it's like Gossip Girl, where all the characters end up at the same party du jour), Alcide takes over as packmaster, Andy becomes a dad, and Lafayette makes margaritas.
I'm sorry to say that yet again, the True Blood wardrobe crew has denied us costume changes.
My feelings exactly, Jason. I'm trying not to take it personally but really, plot/shmot. We have a fashion blog to write and we demand a fresh supply of outfits.
Oh hey, Sook? You cool with staying in the Barbie Fairy Sundress for the first half of the episode?
Geez, you Stackhouses are so touchy.
Just look at Mom and Dad here. Is it just me, or do these seem like some mighty nefarious hallucinations? I don't remember Mr. Stackhouse being such a dick in the flashbacks.
However, we do get to see where Sookie gets her floral dress tendancy. Oh, and ten bucks says that Ghost!Mrs. Stackhouse will cross into the physical plane and use those knitting needles to stab a vamp in some sort of big battle scene next season. You heard it here first.
Yes, families do get stuck in fashion ruts, don't they? For instance, the Messieurs Herveaux have planned a mani-pedi excursion (no really, go back and watch this scene), and I'm guessing that'll be followed by a trip to the Good Ol' Boy Warehouse.
Come on down, folks! We've got barn jackets and chambray shirts galore!
Seems like The G-O-B Warehouse also sells super snug sleevless shirts. This almost makes up for Alcide not taking his shirt off this episode. Almost.
Doesn't he know he's supposed to be romance-cover ready at all times? Look, Rikki's ready with her bodice-ripper pose and pretty balconette bra, but Alcide? Boy is not delivering.
Wait, wait - we have a fireman's carry! This is better. Rikki, you lucky wolf-ette, you. And my, those are some might low-rise jeans.
I do have to give snaps to another female wolf, Martha, who brings it with a leather/fur jacket and some jewel tones.
AND a crossbow. THE accessory of the season, you guys. Obviously Hunger Games fever has reached Shreveport pack.
Plus the detailed pocket? I die. Well, not really. But she's a grandma in rural Louisiana, so my standards are a little more forgiving.
But then, with the (slightly) younger set sporting stems like these, maybe there's something in the local water supply?
Please tell me Holly and Arlene did not serve all day in 4" platform wedges. Is this 2 Broke Girls?
No, srsly with the plat wedges. Even Jane Bodehouse is in on the action. You know she put on her sassy red shoes, her green eyeshadow, and declared it Girls Night Out: Party of One. Well done, old gal!
But those cargo shorts are doing you no favors. We've gotta talk.
You know, after you're done watching the fairy birth. Was this not one of the funniest moments all season?
Upon closer inspection we see that Jane is sporting an animal-print top and...are those...Mardi Gras beads? Oh honey. I don't want to even think about what went into getting those.
Just because Lafayette rocks the beads, doesn't mean they're for everyone.
I much prefer margarita-making, gold turban wearing La-La to the man he was at the top of the season. I mean, sure, he lost Jesus and had to go through the mourning period, but as I said before this is a fashion blog, and we like the pretty.
And lace! And a chili pepper apron! Babes, don't ever do that disappearing act ever again.
Sidenote: Arlene, snaps for the trendy fanny bag. Rather Chanel-esque, even though I know there's not a Chanel around for miles. Not even in Shreveport.
Also trendy is Andy's fairy girlfriend. When she's not shooting light out her fingers and spawning on the Merlotte's pool table, she moonlights as a starlet at Coachella.
Impractically short dress? Check. Boots? Check.
Lots of bling and makeup? Check, check. But seriously, Maurella knows how to do the varsity-level eye liner. She might even be able to teach Lafayette a thing or two.
Sorry, sorry, Lafayette. You know you're still the fairest of them all.
So fairy girlfriend has the babies in a most ::ahem:: enjoyable labor and delivery procedure, and leaves poor Andy with not one but four baby faes. BTW, the little ones wrapped in Merlotte's t-shirts, resting on a bed of bar towels and dishwasher racks are adorbs.
And rather realistic. If this was a lesser show, they'd be snoozing in fuzzy pink blankets seemingly procurred from thin air. Although I bet Coachella Fairy could do just that.