In this week's Lifestyles of the Young and Questionably Dressed, we delve deeper in the oniony layers that comprise Hannah's official BF, Adam. This includes theatre, anger management issues, street art, and being weirdly sweet to Marnie. Jessa also joins Team Cheer up Marnie, first by badmouthing Charlie's new GF and then by coaxing Marnie onto a night on the town. Unfortch, their new venture capitalist friend turns out to be (Creepy + Clueless) x (Immature + Entitled). Shoshanna did not appear, likely off detoxing from last week's crackcident.
Sad Hipster Outfit of the Week:
This is turning into the Hannah Is A Disaster of the Week (even Marnie and Jessa agree, as they initially bond over their confusion at Hannah's hot mess of a personal style).
For jogging, Hannah? IN PUBLIC, HANNAH?
What does it say about her usual personal style that I feel kind of proud her socks are actually a matching pair. Babysteps.
This outfit is only borderline acceptable for jogging, and then she wears it FOR THE REST OF THE DAY? To her boyfriend's TECH?
On the left: Hannah and Adam "jogging." On the right: Hannah and Adam going to Tech. Adam had time to change clothes, Hannah: what's your excuse?
Seriously. Her outfit is only acceptable for doing workout DVDs at home and/or moping around after a break-up.
Whoops, Marnie's post-break-up moping attire outdoes Hannah's.
Seriously, is she a robot, genetically created to look ladylike and effortlessly perfect 24/7?
"Holla at Hannah": Advice from a Trainwreck
Adam gets honorary mention for encouraging Marnie to enjoy herself, post-breakup, and Jessa also gets bonus points for being a shoulder for Marnie to cry on. But Hannah really shone this week when she gently advised Adam not to abandon his play: "Do you know how unusual it is to see someone doing something like that, so open and honest and weird, and not want to make fun of them in your head? It made me want to meet you when you were 15 and kiss you."
Poor Life Decision of the Week:
Hmm... while Adam's decision to go jogging sans underoos is wildly questionably, Marnie's decision to go hang out at the apartment of the douchenozzle she just met in a bar, while drunk, takes this award this week. Just because he wears a suit doesn't mean he's not horrible, Marns.
She should have taken her cue from Jessa's devolving looks of horror at their situation:
Seriously, Jessa was giving La Ricci a run for her money in the bitchfaces-per-second race this week. Love her.
Most Awkward Sex Scene:
While not sex per se, Adam's "hilarious" "prank" of peeing on Hannah while in the shower (just after appearing like a serial killer when she had her eyes closed) has ruined me for showers in a way nothing has since the first time I saw Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho.
Seriously, Hannah? RUN.
Queen of Entitlement:
Adam swiftly stole this crown from the Girls themselves, as he proclaimed, "Well, I'm sorry you don't get what's so hysterical about me peeing on you." That is not an apology, douchelord.
NSFW (aka Not Safe for Work):
This goes to Adam for his NOT SAFE FOR OUTSIDE OF HIS APARTMENT no-shirts no-undies ensemble he wore while playing personal trainer to Hannah.
There better not be a gif out there of Adam's biznaz flipping and flopping around as he hopped across the screen FULLY COMMANDO. That slo-mo montage at the beginning of Juno was not meant to be tried out at home, kid.
Diamond in the Rough: Best Dressed
Jessa looked much better put-together than usual, but even her strappy shoes and cute hat were no match for Marnie's classic pencil skirt and tank combo.
Her jewellery was, as ever, perfectly tasteful (with a bit more of a youthful flair than we usually see from Marnie "double strand of pearls" Michaels).
... and OK. I need to give snaps to Jessa for walking the streets of New York in a summer heatwave in these colourful strappy sandals.
You just know between the heat and walking on cement, her feet are being eaten up by those shoes. But does she complain? Play on, playa.