Screening Room: Champagne Sorrows - #3 - Stay on your own side of the economy
Friday, September 30, 2011 at 9:02AM | Lesley-Anne Steeleworthy - Staff Editor Being rich is hard y'all. There's always someone to get you down, no matter what coast you're on. And dealing with that kind of bullshit calls for revenge. So here's what we've got this week:
90210: "Greek Tragedy"
Revenge: "Trust"
90210
So, I'm the worst person to review an episode of this show. This is literally the first episode I've seen since season one. But that's okay! I'm a quick study! And the beauty of this show? It's about as complicated as a glass of champagne: light, fizzy, and thinking too hard about it makes you dizzy.
Let's start with Naomi. Girlfriend has got it bad and that ain't good.
But she's got legs that won't quit and she looks just as good pushing a mop as she does when she's scheming. In fact, she's probably multi-tasking, since those Greek bitches wouldn't let her join their sorority. Those ladies take their real estate seriously.
That's okay. Naomi bounces back remarkably well.
Because if you can't beat 'em? Join 'em. And buy your own effing sorority.
So what if they're kind of rag tag and look like you wandered into a National Lampoon set? You're sisters now. And you are going to take those other sorority bitches down. Especially since it's their fault you showed up to the party looking like Cleopatra on an off day.
Moving on to Naomi's mole in the Kappa Something Whatever:
I've already admitted to being three and a half seasons behind, but something tells me Annie and her floral shorts with a tie on the side isn't the girl to help you take down your arch-rivals. I mean, she somehow still has the ring from when she turned a dude down and she accidentally stumbled into being an escort. She's going to be an excellent hooker with a heart of gold. For reals, y'all. Only a girl with a heart of gold could think those shorts made sense.
I shouldn't be so harsh on her. At least she's dressed seasonally appropriate:
I'm not even sure why Adrianna owns a puffy parka. But from what I know of Los Angeles, she probably doesn't need it in September.
And while Ivy's episode long pity party is totally justified since her husband has cancer (although, what is it with these teenagers and the getting engaged and married?), I'm going to go out on a limb and say that's no excuse for dressing like you want the part ina remake of Desperately Seeking Susan:
We could also throw a smaller pity party for Jane, what with carrying her dead husband's baby and trying to be all proud about it and not telling Liam.
I'm with Annie on the being shocked and appalled at how quick Liam moved on after his proposal. At least his new girl wears cute bedtime outfits. She could use a comb and some lip gloss though.
The winner of the night? Oh Silver honey, never change.
I don't know what you're up to with that body suit and long skirt and hat, but you are somehow working it like nobody's business. Also, Naveed. Hi. You dressed like all the other dudes in the episode, aside from Dixon who wore a hoodie and t-shirt.
Let's look at some more Silver instead of being bored by the dude clothes.
Mostly, I think your job was to make faces at everyone else's questionable choices in clothing, relationships, careers and whatnot. And I'm down with that. Keep on keepin' on David Silver's little sister. You are so much cooler than your older brother ever was.
Revenge
Oh man. Wealthy summers in the Hamptons look dreamy (polo! giant sail boats! expensive picnics!) and a little bit sordid (stock market scandal!). I love it. This champagne is full of soap suds and I love every cheesy minute of it. A quick note to ABC execs: please keep this one around for me. I need this kind of show in my life right now. And it makes up for the fact I wasn't allowed to watch Dynasty or Dallas back in their heyday.
Let's start with Emily's British party planning friend. I can't remember her name and I don't care. You see? I'd make a fabulous wealthy person! I don't need to know the help's name!
Okay, I do know her name. It's Ashley. And while the choice of salmon was great colour wise, it was ill-advised when it came to fit. That's just hanging all wrong on her. Made more obvious by Mysteriously and Wealthy Emily Thorne who is killing it in the blue cocktail dress.
I'm not sure if Queen Victoria wants the dirt on her because Emily's talking to her son or because she's worried this gal is going to be dressed better than her all summer. I mean, Victoria really didn't try that hard for the polo game.
Although, I suppose when you're that wealthy (her summer home is the size of my neighbourhood), you don't need to try hard. You just are and everyone lives in fear of you and your expensive sheath dresses. She does colour well.
Better than her daughter Charlie, who's bored rich girl routine is kind of boring.
Seriously Charlie? We've already talked about how your summer home is bigger than my neighbourhood. Get a backbone, tell douchey boyfriend to take a hike and go slumming. (Although, I really must thank douchey boyfriend for the best insult of threat of the night: "stay on your own side of the economy, dock rat.").
Victoria won't be happy about this, but fellow YKYLF staffer Anthony might be: the exiled Lydia isn't quite gone. She's back in the city and looks hungry for both money and a cheeseburger:
Nice colour dress though, Lydia.
The dudes of the show...well, they're all over the map. The brothers/local boys? Not really trying.
I'm sure they're too good to put on a shirt without wrinkles. Whatevs. Besides, Jack and Sammy are both relying on puppy dog eyes (figuratively and literally) to work their way into Emily's heart.
However, it's not like I want them to dress like Daniel Grayson. I just wish they'd try a little harder. Speaking of Daniel, he could be a little less ho hum.
Both of the Grayson kids need a backbone. Because while Daniel's outfit is perfectly acceptable (Emily looks lovely though for a beach picnic), dollars to donuts Victoria buys his clothes for him. His family probably decided on everything he does...which is why Emily is going to fall for him first. Because he's so hard done by (Seriously. Being rich is hard).
The man of the hour is Nolan and his popped double collars.
I admire his committment to preppy. When the dude decides on a look, he commits to it fully. And this? So early Chuck Bass. There's something underhanded about you Nolan that I like. Keep it up.
Meanwhile, an amazing moment in the episode was the Most Passive Aggressive Tea Party Ever.
"You were on the equestrian team?"
"Yes, in Barcelona. Why?"
"Oh, you know, I rode steeplechase at Mont Somethingfancy. Just making idle conversations and mental notes so as to take you down later bitch."
"That's cool, because I look better than you and I'm taking you and your friends down one by one. No bigs."
But seriously. Emily did look better. Let's get a second look at her dress, shall we?
Yeah, I'm pretty much in love with that dress.
Because while this may be girlfriend's first summer as an adult in the Hamptons, she did her homework and is doing the lady of leisure look quite well. Even her casual outfits have that air of perfect you rarely see outside of an episode of Martha Stewart Living:
Seriously. She could take Martha on in that outfit. Although, I am disappointed that Nolan didn't got the entire episode in popped collars and plaid. Maybe next week.
VOTE!
Reader Comments (3)
Late addition to this post, but Ann and I are thinking that Nolan has the stealth dreamboat potential of Chuck Bass/Logan Echolls. We'll hate him all season and then boom! He'll be a jerk with a heart of gold and we'll see beyond the double popped collar.
LYDIA!!!
That skank is going to cause some serious trubs'.
I am counting on Lydia to bring the trubz. She's got nothing to lose.