Screening Room: Teen Stars We Loved - #5 - A whole new kind of gumbo
Thursday, October 13, 2011 at 12:02AM | Matt Solyst - Staff Writer Welcome back to another "Teens Stars We Loved" Screening Room, where we watch SMG and Rachel tackle the grown-up world!
This week's episodes:
Ringer - "A Whole New Kind of Bitch"
Hart of Dixie - "Gumbo and Glory"
First let's peep in on Ringer...
We need to start a movement to make this episode's title THE new catch phrase. It won't be another Fetch if we band together! Just think, it can be used in a both hateful and complimentary ways. To demonstrate: You, loyal readers, are a whole new kind of bitch. See, it works. You heard it here first!
Anywho, Shiv came clean about the whole I'm-my-twin thing to Gemma, who then asked her to sleep with Henry. You know, so he can’t get any of Gemma's money/kids/etc. Meanwhile, Siobhan and Andrew deal with Juliet's Lohan-ness. Shiv suggests rehab, and Andrew whimpers, "I'm not naive, I just don’t want to think of her that way!" So Mr. Fantastic is naive about not being naive? Great. The solution? Sending Juliet to...PUBLIC SCHOOL!
But back to the juice; Gemma's ultimatum to Bridget. Yeah, that doesn't happen and Bridget tells Henry of Gemma's plan, Henry tells Gemma that Bridget told him and, wow, I'm not telling my secrets to anyone in this group. The episode ends with blood! All over the Gemma/Henry's apartment! And a missing Gemma! DUN DUN DUN! There goes your security deposit.
I love Siobhan's gold dress; even though it is cleavage-y out the ying-yang, it remains classic and stylish. And Gemma Ginge's purple dress perfectly compliments her hereditary defective hair.
And there there's Juliet, where for art thou did you get that necklace? Romeo would approve. If not Romeo, then definetely your drug dealer.
Juliet and Dr. Zoe Hart both love to rock the horizontal stripe clothing, and she pulls it off here in a simple top with minimum jewelry, this time. Her only accessory is her "poor me" face.
"I'm not going to rehab!...or public school!" Siobhan's dressed like she's in mourning...of her sex life. Nothing's more of an anti-aphrodisiac then a yelling teenage stepchild in a multi-hued print.
All this secret-spilling has exhausted me. I'm turning the Hart of Dixie recap over to someone else...
Hello internet, this is Summer Cohen. My friends keep saying how much I look like this girl on Hart of Dixie and to be honest, I don’t see it. Homegirl is like a negative size zero and the only girl that skinny in our house is in the comic books my husband draws. And that totally makes him sound like a creepy nerd, but he’s, like, successful. I’m talking Lexus hybrid successful. But I digress...
So this girl, Zoe Hart (porn star name, circa 1972) is trying to reset her circuit breaker with a twig; such a city girl move. Although, like a true city girl, she’s donning the sexy black black black.
Then up walks this poor-man’s Jason Stackhouse to offer her some advice. Let me offer you some advice, PMJS - you can never go wrong with the classic blue jeans and a white t-shirt. Keep up the good work. Jessica would approve.
So basically everyone in the town hates this Zoe because she’s a city girl. Harsh! Zoe’s arch nemesis, Lemon (yes, that’s her real name) is wearing a yellow (like her name, get it?) sundress that makes her look like an extra from The Rum Diary. Luckily for Lemon, she’s absolutely gorgeous and has some style, so she pulls it off.
Zoe’s first patient of the day was bitten by a snake...but in order to fix the kid, Zoe has to find out what specific kind of snake bit him. So Zoe goes out looking for the guilty snake in a shady barn. City girl is out of her element; this ain’t the Bronx Zoo. Of course, she gets bitten, and the Jerky Original Town Doctor has to treat her. Oh, the irony.
She goes to the ironic appointment in this great top; the horizontal black stripes are working in every certain way for her.
Zoe then makes a declaration: "I need to prove to this town that I belong here, and that begins with the gumbo cook-off." But that begins with getting the right ingredients for her gumbo. So she and Hot Engaged Guy (engaged to that Lemon girl, barf) go gumbo ingredient shopping.
We get a better look at her striped top - notice the black black black scan-scan-scandalous undergarments beneath her shirt. And those shorts, wow. Flaunt it if you got it, Doctor - that’s an order! Extra credit for managing to stay stylish with that hideous hand bandage. Maybe my friends are right. Me and this Zoe girl do have unique fashion sense...
So while Zoe and Hot Engaged Guy are shopping, there's some sort of accident and Dr. Zoe runs to the rescue. But in her gimpy state, she needs Jerky Original Town Doctor to help her. JOT doc arrives, and Zoe talks him through some tricky surgery. It's Grey's Anatomy in the south! Alabama Anatomy!
The man’s life is saved, but the JOT doctor takes all the credit! Zoe and Hot Engaged Guy give him dirty looks, that basically say "just because we dress amazeballz doesn’t mean you have to be so salty on us."
Anyway, it’s the morning of the cook-off, and Zoe doesn't like the fame the town is lavishing on the phony-ass doctor. But wait, is that...YES! Oh my Family Matters, it’s the cop from Die Hard. He and sexy mayor Lavon Hayes are in a hat-off! Fedora vs. an old-man 4th of July hat. Carl Winslow doesn’t stand a chance, but I love the effort!
Look at our cute Zoe; wearing her signature black and white, except this time the stripes are vertical. Personally, I’d like to see her step outside of her black/white comfort zone. When I want my husband to notice me, I wear red (which eventually leads to a Wonder Woman costume.) Just a suggestion, Doc.
So anyway, Zoe gets to make a speech. Instead of outing JOT doc, she instead says how wonderful he is and hopes the town accepts her. The next day, he refers one of his patients to Zoe. Success!
Ok gays and gals, my husband is calling me to watch some vampire show that was on TV before the sexy TV vampires existed. It’s called Buffy something, and stars this girl who totally looks like the one on that new show, Ringer. Lates!
Don't forget to vote on this week's episodes!
Reader Comments