The Lying Game: Much Ado About Everything

A Bouffant Worth of Lies

Sutton's wreaking havoc on the Mercer marriage thanks to Kristen's Spiral Bound Notebook of Inner Pain. Emma is in LA uncovering the truth about Rebecca. It only takes her one episode, and it took Sutton an entire season - more proof that Emma is the Elizabeth Wakefield of the twins. Laurel, more sure than ever that she's being Parent Trapped, follows Sutton to Rebecca's and falls off the retaining wall, earning her a trip to the hospital. Emma returns, sneaks into Laurel's room, and finally tells her the truth. Oh, and Mads realizes she's majorly, totally, butt crazy in love with Josh Jordan.

You know how, after months in a third world prison, when you're finally out you want to eat a huge dinner but your stomach has shrunk so much that all you can eat is a cube of bouillon? Well, I think Sutton's going through that, except replace "third world prison" with "exile from the Magic Closet." That's the only explanation for why she's wearing what appears to be her tennis outfit to school.

I thought Arroyos had a strict dress code. Where's the sequins? The daytime glamour? Sutton almost looks like a regular high school student, which feels so terribly wrong.

It takes some good, old-fashioned revenge (!!!) to help Sutton readjust to the endless options presented by her Magic Closet. Sutton wears a deceptively sweet lace top to drop a bomb in the form of a Spiral Bound Notebook of Inner Pain.

Of course, much like with Sutton herself, there's always another side to things.

The bow closures on the back are so sweetly sexy, and such a great take on the back embellishments we've been seeing in stores all season.

For Dan and Teresa's engagement party (they're engaged, btw), Sutton knocks it out of the park in this LBD with a plunging mesh neckline and mesh back. 

So sexy, so age-inappropriate, so occasion-inappropriate - y'all, I think our Sutton may be back.

More Alexis Bittar...

 

Laurel tries her hand at some classic YKYLF snark with her assessment of Sutton's footwear: "Hooker heels? Must be a special occasion." Nice burn, Laurel, but let's be real: these beauties are meant for a life better than stalking a street corner. At the very least, they're high-class escort heels.

Or, given the Arroyo High School daytime glamour dress code, these are "Rush to third period calc" heels.

Let's check in on Emma, who is continuing her trend of living Sutton's life. First she took over her homelife, now she's reliving Sutton's plot from season one. Fortunately for all of us, she's now been trained in the fine art of fashion.

Can you imagine if she'd gone to LA before having access to the Magic Closet? Instead of this fabulous white motorcycle jacket and matching skinnies, we'd have that awful jean jacket from episode one. I shudder at the thought.

Had to do a close-up of Emma's giant cocktail ring.

Emma lost some serious points in my book when she came all the way out to LA with this fabulous ring and didn't offer to let me borrow it. Not cool, fictional character. Not cool.

Both the girls wear a ton of pink in this episode: Sutton wears a pink tennis outfit at the club and a pink tank after revealing the Spiral Bound Notebook of Inner Pain. Emma works this cute, drapey pink top when she goes to interview a nurse who was at her delivery.

I don't have any conclusions to draw based on that observation, I'm just saying, in addition to having flawless hair, the girls love their pink.

Laurel's softer style shines through in this just-shy-of-lime green top.

Yes, they used a similar color last week, but I love that they're putting her in these brights. It feels so young and fun, plus totally on-trend.

Laurel wears this ensemble to play Nancy Drew and the Case of the Erratic Sister. She ends up in the hospital after falling off a retaining wall, but I'm just surprised she managed to get to Rebecca's house without twisting an ankle. 

Yes, when she got dressed, she wasn't planning on trailing Sutton, but I'm just saying: when you start thinking your sister might have a secret twin, it's time to switch to sensible shoes. Sure, you might not have to follow her and climb a retaining wall, but you're better safe than doing an awkward shuffle-run in platforms.

It's the halfway point in this recap. Time for some Gratuitous Male Shirtlesness.

Our thoughts exactly, Mads. Oh, and great robe.

The show's title might refer to the tricks Sutton used to play on her friends and family, but Mads is running a couple of her own Lying Games these days. She's being cornered by Laurel about the Sutton/Emma situation and she's hiding her illicit stepbrother affair from Alec. Seriously, you guys, her hair is so full of secrets it's a bouffant.

I don't know how her wee little lollipop neck is supporting all the weight of her LIES.

If last week's episode was all about the grey, this week is chock full of pink. Per usual, Mads is doing everything right.

Such a perfect, summery outfit. And is it just me, or does it feel like they're having a heatwave in Arizona in this episode? The absence of a necklace with this outfit feels very "Ugh, it's too hot for jewelry."

To lounge by the pool and do some English homework (what, isn't that how you studied in high school?), Mads throws on this super cute bikini and matching earrings.

I'd say the outfit is a dead giveaway that she's pulling a Cher and wearing a cute outfit to win over her stepbrother, but let's be honest: even if there were no elligble men on Earth, Mads would still match her accessories to her bikini.

She wraps up the episode with a little indignation and a gorgeous Robbi & Nikki dress.

I wish there were a better photo of the dress. It's super cute, and she looks great in olive.

The heat must have broken for the evening, because Mads is back to her giant accessories.

I don't know how she does it. She is literally the size of a dandelion, but she absolutely rocks giant accessories. She should hold seminars on the proper pairing of chunky jewelry.

If Mads wins at wearing pink this episode, it's safe to say that Jordan loses.

Is it just me, or could Jordan's entire wardrobe be taken from James Spader's closet in the 80s?

Don't give me those earnest eyes, hot stepbrother.

And what is up with your epaulette fixation? If we hadn't seen him shirtless multiple times, I'd say that his deep, dark secret is that he actually has super narrow shoulders, and he wears the epaulettes to compensate.

I think I've finally figured out why Kristen can't define her waist to save her life: much like Mads hiding secrets in her hair, Kristen's been hiding all her secrets in ill-fitting dresses. Seriously, this is before Sutton reveals that Kristen felt like a bad mom and was in love with Alec:

Standard Kristen fare: loose top, giant skirt, neutral colors, not particularly flattering. I would have left it out of the recap ... except!

This is how she dresses after all her secrets are revealed:

RIGHT? She's barefoot and carrying a book because this is what Kristen considers loungewear when she doesn't have to stuff all her secrets into a giant denim tunic. I want to be mad at Sutton for playing Rebecca's game, but at the same time, she's done Kristen a huge sartorial favor.

Side note: was anyone else stunned to find out that this was actually Kristen's diary? I totally thought it was a fake, because for real, who keeps a diary in a spiral bound notebook?

Also, has Officer Dan always had these guns? Or has he been stepping up his weight training now that he's got Theresa to impress?

Anyway, that's the recap!

Oh, sorry, Thayer. I didn't see you over there next to the wall that's the SAME COLOR AS YOUR SHIRT. AGAIN.

New theory: Thayer's real father is actually a chameleon.

The Lying Game: A Kiss Before Lying

Six Shades of Grey (and How to Wear It Well)

Alec is back and creepier than ever. He sweeps his revenging (!!!) bride off to a secret honeymoon at the Cabin of Poor Decisions, where she suddenly needs to hide her secret twin that her creepy husband actually, totally knows about. Meanwhile, Ted is being given an award for humanitarian surgeries and Sutton's plan to keep him and Kristen apart goes sideways when she suddenly has feelings for her adoptive mother. And Mads is hiding her secret love affair with the step-brother (once removed) in her volumous hair. 

There was so much grey going on this week. And tank tops. Considering their usual daytime glamour, seeing our teenagers dressed like actual, casual teenagers is a wee bit weird. 

If they weren't hiding out because she switched places with her evil twin and had to hide from the family they've been conning, well, you'd almost think they were totally normal high schoolers on a study date.

But then Sutton sashays in wearing lace and formal shorts to remind you that these teens don't do normal.

That day-glo lace has to be a leftover from Laurel's dress. Otherwise, how else could there be so much flourescent lace in the world?

Laurel, on the other hand, is keeping it toned down this week in muted, earthy florals.

Very Laurel House on the Prairie, in the key of Swift. 

Their mother, bless her well-meaning and slightly gullible heart, is wasting her golden opportunity to exact revenge on Ted by finding a new dude. Or at least make Ted jealous by dressing up in something flattering and heading to the club. What does she wear instead? A grey sack of sad, that's what. 

Maybe, just maybe, if she had worn a bright, bold belt with it and paired it with some great heels, this dress would fly. But a drawstring waist? And I bet she's wearing sensible shoes right now. Not even a frigging kitten heel. 

Let's show her to do this, shall we other ladies and teens of Arroyo? 

We'll start with Our Lady of Revenge (!!!). She does fancy married lady so well. 

See? She's wearing grey, but doesn't look like a plate of sadness. This is probably because it fits her.

It's not that we're opposed to grey, just to how Kristen wears it. Check Mads and her hairful of secrets:

The tank is again fitted and flattering. Probably even practical, considering it's the desert. And unlike Mads' usual style of accessorizing, she's keeping it simple and pairing it with a great bag.

Behind her, to take a moment away from Kristen's lesson in how to do grey, is a questionable moment in dude style.

What? Is it laundry day? Coral shorts with a casual Friday button up with epaulets? Are you kidding me? Do you not have your own magical closet Jordan? 

Ohhhhh....I get it. You're here to provide us with the gratuitous male shirtlessness. Fair enough. We understand why Mads is hiding her hot for sort-of-step-bro feelings in that hair of hers. 

But that brings me back to how this girl wears her grey. 

Same grey, but this time with a pop of colour in the skirt. This is what I was trying to tell Kristen earlier - the colour jazzes up the grey big time. While the costume department loves the chartreuse yellow, Mads actually pulls it off (Kristen should maybe do a red or a deep coral with her grey). 

Sadly, our style advice is too late for Kristen. Because this is how she followed up her earlier grey dress with this number.

Oh sigh. Honey, you're lucky Ted is willing to fight for you, because you're certainly not trying very hard.

It's like you're taking lessons from Thayer.

Yeah, that's Thayer behind Emma, not the wall. I'm with Amanda on this. His move back to LA (funded by...? Alec?) was awesome since Arroyo is no place for his brand of earnestness. Mostly because it's all kinds of boring. 

Away from the grey and our fashion advice to poor Kristen are the better dressed and schemier members of the show. 

Alec somehow managed to take his casual golf wear to a creepy, passive agressive new level as he and Rebecca openly joked about killing each other over what I can only guess is a nice glass of Chianti.  

If Silence of the Lambs taught me nothing else, I do know for sure the creepy and devious like Chianti. When not threatening his revengey (!!!) new bride, he's surprising her with a honeymoon to the Cabin of Bad Decisions. Frankly, a awful decision on his part since Rebecca doesn't really do cabin in the woods.

The floral sheath is magnificient on her - they're finally dressing her the way she deserves to be dressed - and holy what the what! Check out those heels! She was not expecting to be on soft ground. Which is probably why she decided to spend the rest of her honeymoon day drinking and wondering if her husband brought her up there to kill her.

The soft flowy, patterned tank is pretty much the perfect choice for such an occasion. 

Sutton, now free to plunder the depths of her magical closet surprises me with her choice in dresses for family therapy.

Don't get me wrong, it's tasteful floral sundress totes cute and I love the long chain on the key necklace. But where are the sequins? Where is the aforementioned daytime glamour? The only hint of it is in that giant ass cocktail ring (which I want a close up of. I base my love for it on its sheer planetary size).

If it weren't for the afternoon events of presenting Ted with some kind of award we don't care about, well, we'd go all episode without any glitz. Because look at adorable Laurel.

I want to see more of those darling polka dots we saw her wearing earlier at family therapy, but presenting an award is your chance to break out a new dress. Or at least a fancier one.

Even Kristen, yes Kristen, managed to dress herself up for the event.

I mean, holy crap! Colour that suits her and a dress that flatters her? Well done, Kristen.

And, despite my confusion earlier, Sutton did hit the daytime glam for at least this occasion.

The green with the black lace is straight up awesome. I love that she toned down the accessories to only a bracelet, a clutch, and some real talk about her feelings about Kristen in her speech. I may not like the idea of her and Ethan macking on each other, but she deserved some kiss action from him as a reward for that outfit. 

More Alexander McQueen...

Hangovers from poor choices/sleeping in bus stations call for more tank tops. Emma wins the award for Most Tank Tops in a Single Episode (to be handed out at the Teen Choice Awards).

Weather appropriate, I know. But you think Sutton could have loaned her a few of her old outfits? Apparently not. Unfortunate green screen aside, this isn't Emma's best casual look ever.

I much prefer what she wore after chilling at the bus station. 

The spaghetti straps and the bit of detail at the neckline just make it that much more interesting. 

I assume Mads has the bad decision hangover after fooling around with the not-quite-step-bro (he's more like a Clueless/Josh style step-bro: removed enough that it isn't creepy anymore), because she's gone super casual in the tank top department (and what you can't see here - grey sweatpants).

As for Laurel's (chartruese again!) tank, it's a much more appropriate choice if one is leaving the house for the day. Although, she may be the only person who didn't do anything questionable this week. Instead, she just dumped Jordan's ass and probably started to write a kick ass jam about it. Wait until she writes her next song. 

It'll probably be called, "you won't parent trap me again." 

And any earlier progress made on dressing Charisma Carpenter like the sexy bitch she is, well, went down the tubes with this tank top.

Skinnies and giant sunnies: yes. The bag: on board. The shapeless yellow top: I'm sorry, no. 

The Lying Game: Advantage, Sutton

Bad Boys & Bad Bets

Sutton's ready for her triumphant return to her Magical Closet, so she challenges Emma to a game of tennis for the right to return to the Mercer home. Emma's got the lead on Sutton until Mads shows up begging Emma to help Thayer, who is about to book it out of town after Alec is released from prison. Ethan's got morning-after regret plus a bad case of being caught plagarizing. The latter is solved by a late night study session with Emma, the former is currently untreatable. And, in the most heartbreaking of plotlines, Laurel's crushing hard on Jordan, but Jordan's still after Mads - and Mads can't resist the Bad Boy du Jour.

Emma kicks off the episode canoodling with Thayer and doing all of us at YKYLF a solid by showing off her killer heels.

Brave girl, drinking coffee while wearing all white. I love the shoes, but they seem a little bit much for the boho-hippie look of the crocheted dress. I feel like this needs espadrilles, not 5" heels. But Emma's never been one to shy away from the giant chunky heel, and given that she's going to be locked in the cabin for the forseeable future, she's got to get her daytime glamour kicks in now.

More Alexis Bittar...

 

Particularly since Emma's not one to bother with late night study session glamour - not that she needs to, since she's got "warm night in the desert casual" down.

This is an episode full of shorts, worn with varying degrees of success. Emma's getting an A for these day-glo shorts (with matching hair tie). I love when Emma dresses her age, mostly because she does it so well.

You've got to give the girl credit for accessorizing even when she's just going to sit on a futon outside Ethan's trailer. Check out the Mads-sized earrings and simple (but sizeable) pendant necklace.

Both the pieces are big and should be too much when combined, but since they're all so delicate, everything flows together.

Emma shows off the spoils from her last trip to the Magical Ring Closet.

ABCFamily didn't put up near as many promotional pictures for this episode, but I'd forgive them for it if they started just putting up pictures of the accessories. This ring holds promise, and I bet a clearer shot of it would leave me stomping my feet and yelling "I want it now" like an overgrown Veruca Salt.

Which is pretty much what I imagine Sutton was like as a child. Let's head to the Cabin of Poor Decisions, shall we?

I am amazed that Hair and Makeup managed to give her perfect curls with bedhead on top. Just in case you thought that maybe Sutton had hopped out of bed and refreshed her curls from the night prior before waking up, like Kristen Wiig at the beginning of "Bridesmaids." Nope. This is just how Sutton Mercer wakes up in the morning after a night of passion with Ethan.

It's not surprising that Sutton wants her life back. She's clearly going through Magic Closet Withdrawal Syndrome, as evidenced by her wearing denim shorts two weeks in a row.

Sutton gets a C for these, graded on a curve. I have to dock her for the fact that they're denim shorts, but by the same token, she's wearing them with a peplum top. A very familiar peplum top.

Looks like someone's been digging through Mom's Decidedly Less Magical Closet.

I'm sorry, but how can anyone see Sutton and not immediately say, "So, Rebecca's your mom, right? And you're both super crazy."

Sutton's even got her own version of the heart locket.

I'm honestly a little surprised to see something this giant and gaudy in Sutton's wardrobe. It feels like something Char (pour one on the ground) would have given her for Sutton's 13th birthday, and Sutton would kind of sneer and ask if Claire's takes returns.

For the tennis match, Sutton and Emma put their wildly different styles on display. Sutton, during her brief visit to the Magical Closet, managed to snag a crisp all-white number. Emma, on the other hand, grabbed whatever was lying in her gym bag from last week.

C'mon, Emma. When you're facing down your sister for the right to play tennis at Regionals, you have to step up your game a little. When you don't try, it's like you just don't appreciate the glorious altar to fashion that is Sutton's closet.

To reclaim her closet, Sutton rolls in wearing the evil twin version of Emma's white dress.

Part of why I love this show: it's not unreasonable to describe things with "evil twin version." Because it's not hyperbole, it's just a statement of fact.

Another accessory misstep by Sutton, with this weird bead cluster bracelet thing.

Style must be hereditary, because Sutton certainly didn't learn how to dress herself from Kristen.

Kristen's very flustered that the sink is clogged! She was just on her way to the weekly Chambray Club meeting, and she doesn't have time to fix it! It's her turn to bring the refreshments!

I suggested this back in episode four, but now that Lily Rhodes van der Woodsen Mueller Bass Humphrey Bass van der Woodsen is free, can we repurpose her for a What Not to Wear-style makeover for TV moms? And can I nominate Kristen as our first candidate?

I can even hear the opening narration. "This Phoneix mom's wardrobe is shapeless and blah. Can Lily take Kristen's wardrobe from frump to fab? Find out on What Not to Wear: Gin in Tea Edition."

All I'm saying is, the woman needs help. Her hunky (albeit scuzzy, lying) husband is fixing the sink, and this is the best she can do:

Come on, Kristen. Where are those yogilates legs? Why are you not rocking the "I'm about to be single and going to date every one of your divorced friends from the country club" look?

Again: style must be hereditary, because here's how much dress Laurel is wearing to school today.

I love her, but that's a lot of peasant dress and it's not 1997. However, she can totally interview me with a hairbrush about her bad dating decisions, because she is adorable and is my imaginary best friend.

And as my imaginary best friend, I will say this to her: it is very, very rare that anyone can wear a peasant sundress without a bra.

Do not try. Sorry. It's not you, it's the wildly unflattering Earth mother cut.

For her big date, Laurel finds just the right mix of youth and sexiness. I am crazy about this top and need it in my not-so-magical closet ASAP.

And she's wearing a navy purse, for which I am very grateful because I never, ever know what purse to carry with my blue tops and dresses. Thanks for solving my style problem, imaginary best friend!

It's very strange, as a fashion recapper, to watch a show set in a desert. I'm so used to characters (*coughSERENAcough*) not dressing for what is very clearly cold weather. Now, with all these characters wearing shorts and light tops, I immediately think "Wow, it must be a hell of a heat wave" before remembering, duh, Phoneix. Anyway. Laurel's flowy top is perfect for a lazy day at home.

And I love that she's wearing what appears to be a repeat of the tank that Ann loved from Unholy Matrimony. It's practically a "Stars! They're Just Like US!" moment.

Mads gets fewer costume changes than Kristen this week, which is a shame because it means she spends most of the episode in this fringe-hemmed dress.

And yes, that is Mads awkwardly fidgeting with her fringe while talking to the stepbrother she hooked up with. I forgive her for the fringe in this case, because I never know what to do with my hands in that situation.

Sidebar: Mads's hair is even more amazing than usual this week, with randomly curled strands that give her total princess hair.

Kristen, this is how hard Mads tries for Precalc. Can't you put in a little more effort than "haphazard bun?"

Mads shows us how to do layered tanks right (Rebecca will show us the "Miss" counterpart to Mads's "Hit").

Our wee little lollipop is so great at the casual edginess. The drapey tank combo does that sexy-casual thing so well, and as always, Mads toughens the look up with some chunky jewelry in the form of Native American-inspired necklaces and a huge (or maybe just huge on said wee little lollipop?) cuff. 

Hey Mads, can I borrow your purse?

It's all kinds of amazing, and you're clearly not storing near enough in there. I need a new laptop bag and this would be just perfect. If you want me to have it, just make out with your stepbrother in plain sight of your friend, okay?

Awesome, thanks! You're the best!

I'd feel bad for Laurel, but I have a feeling she's going to turn this into some great new LSwift material.

Rebecca spends most of her time wearing this layered top that may or may not be exercise gear.

I really don't know. The seaming makes me think Lulu Lemon, and the amount of time she spends in it makes me think "laundry day." I don't get it, when you hire Charisma Carpenter to play the femme fatale crazy lady, how do you dress her like this?

A slight improvement when Rebecca tries to have a moment with Ted, only to be rebuffed by his sociopathic powers of denial.

I love this dress on her and wish we'd seen more of it. The pink's a great color on her, and the gold accessories are understated but so flattering. More bright colors for Rebecca, please!

Thayer's skipping town, and I have to say, I'm not sorry to see him go. He was always the boring earnest one. When he's not in an episode, I forget he exists. Sometimes when he's in an episode, I forget he exists.

In this scene where he finds out Emma tutored Ethan, I was all, "Wait, why is the wall talking? What is that bowl of oatmeal saying?" because he is so terribly boring and also completely blends in with the background.

I appreciate that Ethan compensates for Thayer's blandness by taking us on a trip to the gratuitous male gun show.

I feel like this should be above May in a "Men of ABC Family" calendar.

It's a good thing Kristen's daughters don't tell her anything significant about their lives, or the next meeting of the Chambray Club would be super awkward.

Can't you see Kristen staring daggers at Jordan from across the multipurpose room of the local community center for taking out Laurel then making out with Mads? And Jordan would finally be like, "Do you have something to say to me?" and Kristen would be all, "You're a disgrace to chambray." And then Jordan would be like -

Wait, who's that lurking in the curtains like the abusive ex-husband in a Lifetime Movie of the Week?

Hey Alec, welcome home! Glad you're free and totally not planning on killing Rebecca to get revenge (!!!) on her for setting you up. Right? Because you can't kill her off. She's the closest thing I have to Georgina Sparks now that Gossip Girl is off the air.

I mean, look at this scheming face. You can't kill a scheming face like this one.

No, like, you literally cannot. I'm pretty sure that, unless you decapitate her, Rebecca will come back, Bart Bass-style. She's unstoppable.

The Lying Game: Cheat, Play, Love

Brothers and Sisters

So new kid Jordan is actually Rebecca's son (stepson, that is), making him Mads' sorta brother. Ew. Our wee little lollipop is not having such a great day - Alec convinces her of his innocence and she turns on Emma and Thayer, who, btw, is actually not Alec's biological father. Speaking of biological parents, Rebecca has officially gone off the rails and is scheming to seduce Ted. Again, ew. Luckily, Ted and Kristin make some headway at counselling, only Ted tells a little (big) lie.  And Ted's not the only cheater around... Ethan hands in a plagiarized paper and Emma lies to save him. But she's definitely not in love with him still. Nope, Emma's likes Thayer who used to like Sutton who is totally in love with Ethan who still loves Emma. And because we're not confused enough yet, Jessica Whitman claims a man told her to plant the tire iron in Alec's golf bag... only is this some big plot of Alec's to fool the police?

So all the neon sundresses in this show is seriously depressing when I'm wearing three sweaters, leggings, and sweatpants just to stay warm. Luckily, Mads breaks the pattern in all black and silver jewellery. Especially loving the silver filigree earrings.

Mads h-t, channeling her inner Lindsay Lohan in huge shades and the aforementioned of silver jewellery. I only wish I looked this put together hungover (I usually go the pyjamas route).

Yes, I do love Mads' look, even if she does look a tad out of place in a school where girls dress like so:

The highlighter yellow lace, pepto bismol pink and bright blue could only work together so effortlessly on Laurel. And her accessories, like always, are spot on. Love the citrine.

More Diane von Furstenberg...

 

Also, homegirl's been spending some time on Pinterest. Check out her ponytail:

And yes, that's Jordan. We'd prefer him shirtless (duh), but he's also preferable to Ethan. Pink shirts and purple pants (not together, obvi) are a rare sight around here.

We usually see something along the lines of this...

I must say, though, that Emma is definitely rocking a great bronze-y necklace and crystal earrings. The (frankly boring) yellow dress only serves to further offset her amazing tan. Which I am totally jealous of, having already gone through two bottles of self-tanner this winter. Somebody get me to a beach, stat.

Her tan's probably a result of her frequent runs. I wish I had her dedication. Alas my runs are usually motivated by cute workout clothes or, um, that danish I had for breakfast. 

Still lovin' the neon...

And Sutton fits right in, huge shades and all.

(P.S. that must be a body-double in that scene, right? If so, they have seriously amazing casting directors, no?)

Speaking of Sutton, she's decided to borrow more than Rebecca's sunnies...

That leopard print top? Those cutoffs? The fedora? This just spells washed-up country singer/actress to me.

ABCFamily clearly has a Magical Ring Closet of its own. Scratch that, they probably have a Magical Accessories Closet. I mean, Sutton has a leopard ring.

And Sutton clearly needs her own Magic Closet back, because she's wearing swimsuits I wore when I was thirteen...

I am Sutton, hear me roar! 

No, seriously, the ruffles? Pink and orange? I bet she doesn't even have a hanger for this.

Meanwhile, Emma clearly needs a lesson on how to use Sutton's Magical Closet. She also needs to learn how to check the weather on her phone. Anyone else catch the Marilyn moment a few seconds before this?

Meh dress, fab shoes. Sometimes I wish I'd gone to a school in TV-land, where heels are totally acceptable in high school. It would've just gotten me in detention at my school.

Things that also would've gotten me detention: sheer button-ups with hot pink bras and cutoffs. 

You know Sutton's desperate for clothes when she's wearing jeans. 

Speaking of desperate...

If I didn't know better, I would've though Rebecca was just an overdressed high schooler at the party.

This would've been much more appropriate for chaperoning your teenage stepson's party:

Or even this:

Then again, appropriate isn't really this show's forte. Mads visits her father in this Free People Medallion Slip:

A good rule of thumb is, if you can wear a dress to a party after, its probably not fitting to wear it to jail. Just sayin'.

Totally gratutitious shot of Mads' amazeballs snakeskin platforms. (sidenote: before this episode, I didn't think anyone actually said "amazeballs" in real life. Just me?) Also, who just lies down in the middle of a hallway like this? Could Mads not find a couch?

Taylor Laurel shows up to said party with a tiered cream skirt, guitar in hand. She also rocks some really great cowboy boots. LSwift, anyone?

BTW, anyone remember that experiment with string and salt water? Where you could grow your own crystals? Tay Laurel's necklace may look like an elementary school experiment, but it just works.

Post-show, either Laurel and Emma spent some quality sister time together doing each others' hair, or Emma is also on Pinterest! Lovin' the side braid ponytail hybrid.

The dress? Not so much. Boring floral, as per usual. This time it's a Parker petal dress.

At the end of the day, this show answers one question and gives us five. Who killed Derek/framed Alec? Will Emma ever learn to wield the power of Sutton's Magical Closet? Will Sutton ever get her closet back? Will Alec ever get out of jail? Will Ted and Kristin get back together or will this secret be the last straw? And of course, the most important question of all:

Why is Mads' hair so big? Does she have the answers to our questions in there? Or is it a bump-it?

Can't wait for next week!

The Lying Game: The Revengers

Less Revenging, More Unveiling

It's been so long since last we saw the twins. We've done a flash forward to Alec's bail hearing, where the gang is (understandably) worried about what will happen if he gets out and Emma is (somewhat understandably) awkward around Ethan, while Rebecca pretends to give a shit about someone other than herself. Her scheme with Sutton is slowly unfurling - she just wants her family back together! Awwww! Except! Ted still wants to be with Kristin, Sutton doesn't want a sister, Rebecca has a son she forgot to mention, and Alec totally knows there are twins! So many secrets.

Before we recap their outfits, let us take a moment to pour one on the ground for our fallen gang member, Char. May she be happy and dressed like a young politician's wife wherever she may be. We'll never forget her. 

Now, on to the fantastic outfits!

When this gang hits the courthouse steps, it should come as no surprise they do it with mad steez.

The best was the monochromatic Bobbsey Twins, Mads and Thayer. 

More Marc by Marc Jacobs...

Mads' giant hair has her looking more like a wee lollipop than ever before, but the striped dress is a ballsy choice for a court hearing. (Prisons ought to bring back the stripe. It's so en vogue). Yet it's also amazing, what with the stripes going in different directions and the bow in the back. It's a little grown up, but for girls who are usually into daytime glamour, this is pretty girly.

Thayer keeps it classy business casual with subtle check in his jacket and a simple black shirt, unbuttoned just so. Just what any respectable young man would wear when he's hoping to God his father won't be released from jail.

Emma (you know it's Emma because she goes for a flatter hair do) brings it in a bright blue sundress to shake up all the monchrome.

With her Birkin-ish orange bag to complement the colour, she looks like she's headed to lunch, not to confront the man who may hold all the answers about her birth mother. She's also one of the few not in stripes at some point this week. It's her way of breaking all the rules. 

Sister Laurel is on the fast track to Taylor Swiftiness. Early-Swiftiness of course, not all glammed up Swifty, as you can see from her choice of an earth toned floral sundress and long necklace.

Evil sister Sutton (you know it's Sutton because the hair is way bigger and therefore full of evil and secrets) decides to hide out in a courtroom bathroom stall.

The strips on these Jessica Simpson platform shoes aren't the only trend - they're all wearing the plats this week (sadly, I wasn't able to get screenshots of them all). I thought maybe Sutton was a little overdressed for a public washroom when I saw this:

But then I rememberd she is usually overdressed when she meets her twin in public washrooms. And then I was completely surprised by the rest of the outfit:

With those heels and those shorts, she is a floppy hat away from having an outfit worthy of 12 year old Jodie Foster. Unexpected from a girl who likes her sequins before lunch. It's no wonder she's pissed that Emma has her life and her closet (although, can someone remind Sutton it was her idea to pull the Parent Trap routine in the first place?). 

Back in the courtroom, we learn that his stint in jail hasn't made Alec any less creepy.

That might be a mature and responsible burgundy tie, but I'd deny bail to the dude who creepily winks at teenage girls. Well done, judge. Well done. Behind those winks, he's got some kind of secret worth defending, because he's convinced Dan's girlfriend Theresa to represent him.

I hope Alec pays well so she can stop dressing like a lady detective on a TV show. 

While her husband is being creepy, Rebecca is doing her best to be a respectfully distraught wife. She takes a cue from Mads and Thayer and goes for a neutral sheath as well.

Being Rebecca, she can't help herself and has to punch it up with an oxblood clutch. This is why we respect and admire her underhanded ways.

Even when scheming in Char's (pour one on the ground) pool with one half of her daughters, she needs colour in her life. Is this Missoni-esque bikini what a mourning TV wife wears? Why no, no it is not. Methinks she really doesn't give a fig for that husband of hers.

BTdubs, it's not Missoni - it's by Vitamin A. Way to Get the Look For Less, Rebecca!

Sidebar: I wonder if Sutton's sad that she won't be able to put her bathing suit on a hanger when she's done at the pool? Love the color, hung up or no.

Yes, life is pretty hard for Sutton these days. She has to get her nails did by her birth moms, not by a professional! The horrors!

At least her striped top is cute. And it's the only practical part of her "Imma seduce you during a bike ride" outfit.

Maybe if she had put on some boots with the leggings it would have been practical. But python print platforms have no practical purpose in life. They exist only because you want cute shoes. However, if she hadn't worn those, then she would never have pretended to sprain her ankle and then this would never have happened.

Sutton, you crazy bitch, you. While I'll be mad if Ethan chooses you, I respect you for having a nice robe and floral negligee while hanging out in the Cabin of Secrets. I can only assume there is a satellite magic closet up in the mountains to provide you with such wardrobe changes. 

On the wrong side of the tracks, white undershirts are the name of the game.

This gave the staff room sads because we wanted some Gratuitous Male Shirtlessness and Ethan is often good for that. We'll take what we can get. He's still hot in plaid. His brother however?

Dan, get it together. I'm still clinging to my teenage crush on Nikolas Cassadine on GH and your schlubby cop look is causing me to do this:

For reals Ethan, I feel you. 

Before we head to the fancy party of the week (their society parties are so much less fancy than the Gossip Girl soirees we're used to), can we take a moment to talk about how boring Kristin is? 

The girls are all, "why you so dressed up, mom?" And I'm all, "grey jacket and a dull cream coloured ruffled blouse? Okay Carol." Yes. That's how bored I was by her outfit - I forgot her name! I even originally named that screenshot file "Carol1.jpg". Lady, you need to get it together.

And this chartreuse pashmina isn't cutting it.

It's like the concept of colour evades her. Either she avoids it completely or she chooses the least flattering hue. Ted's trying at least. I like the blue polo mixed with the white jacket. Very sharp.

Our other party goers pick two very different styles of dress. Emma goes for simple, soft florals with a navy straw tote.

Pefect for an evening picnic and concert on a golf course. Her date-who-isn't-a-date went for checks and accessorized with the sads.

Who wants to place bets on him having secrets of his own that are going to ruin any future happiness with Emma? Any takers? 

On the other hand, I'm quite confused by the neckline on Mads. What is this? What's happening here?

I'm not sure the fabric knows either. Apparently it's a dress.

Or something covering a skirt and top? I don't know. If I knew what was happening, I could form a proper opinion of it. 

On stage and Swiftier than usual, Laurel wears a striped mullet sundress. 

Her singing is pretty and so is the pattern, but the mullet just ruins it all. 

Across the golf course and looking like she's up to no good (and like she maybe has a portable wind machine, which is necessary when you're scheming), Rebecca wears the most questionable peplum.

The colour is great. Nothing says, "I'm the hussy out to ruin your marriage" like a little red cocktail dress at a casual family concert. However, that peplum is doing her otherwise great figure no favours. 

Also up to no good, although she claims she is, is Sutton on her quest to win back Ethan.

I don't trust her and neither does ABC Family, if their hashtags are any indicator.

#noshitsherlock

But if I thougth Mads' dress was confusing, well, that chiffony, layered number of Sutton's stumped me good. Are there shorts or a skirt under there? Should there be? And why does it have a racerback?

The outfits and the secrets have me asking so many questions. Like, why does Sutton hate her sister? And what does Alec know? And why would Sutton pair a quilted beige bag with this outfit?

And why won't anyone even mention that they're living in poor Char's (pour one on the ground) house? Or how is it that Rebecca failed to mention she had a secret son that's almost exactly the same age as her twins? 

Secret triplets?!? 

I'm so glad the twins didn't accidentally make out with him. And I'm so glad this show is back.