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The Lying Game: To Lie For

What in the what?

Okay. Let me start at the beginning. Theresa is totally dead, face down in a pool and Dan (understandably) loses it like he's in a Shakespearan play and yells at all the liars (and there are quite a few these days) for lying and killing his one true wuv. Then he burns furniture and starts giving Ethan ultimatums. Thayer, seemingly having no perspective on the situation that someone has just died, blends into a wall and also gives Emma an ultimatum. When everyone gives an ulitmatum, a lot of people lose: Thayer loses Emma, Emma loses Ethan, Ethan loses Emma, etc. Rebecca almost leaves town after a verbal bitch slap from Emma, but decides to stick around just in time for Jordan to be arrested for killing his brother (!), Alec to fall through a skylight (!!) and Thayer to have Theresa's murder weapon stashed in his chair (!!!). Thayer having the murder weapons explains his lack of perspective. These things happen when you're a sociopath. 


It's ultimatum time! Once again, Thayer blends into the woodwork and we almost forget he exists. I'd almost feel bad for him that he's losing his girlfriend to a way cuter guy, except a) I feel worse for Theresa and b) it looks like he killed her, so that negates any sympathy points.


And Dan says family or twins, so Ethan goes for family. Can't say I blame him. If this is the scene when your bro gives you an ultimatum, what would you do?


You pick the guy who is willing to burn the patio furniture in a rage, that's what. Which is really too bad for Emma, who has been headed back to "dressed like a normal teen", ever since the twin truth has been leaking.

If she were still pretending to be Sutton, I have a feeling mismatched PJs and a hoodie woudn't be happening here. But it's definitely more her personality than the daytime glamour.


Plus it suits Ethan's style as well.

I can't think of anything that would look bad on that guy. Flour sack? If it were fitted, he could make it work.


Still bringing it hard, probably because she's ultimatum free, is Laurel. 

She looks like a teen dream in tangerine. Also, it's nice to see her in a dress that flatters her waist and boobs again. Those earth mother numbers were dragging her down hard. 


Rebecca may want to burn some furniture or give an ultimatum, because she is failing to get her daughters to choose Team Family.

While she looks great in champagne coloured lace and jeans, with some tasteful gold jewelry, she's not winning this fight against Emma of the Seven Foster Homes and Six Schools. No amount of tacky BFF jewelry is going to save you from that one (it's her undoing in more ways than one, since the other half turns up at a the scene of the murder). Becs, you need to bring the Cartier to make up for those lost years.


Looks like she can afford it, seeing as this was her getaway outfit and choice of transportation.

Seriously? Cheap jewelry while you fly charter? Bitch, please. But the white sheath with a hint of peplum is an excellent choice when you make an evil getaway. I believe that's a page from the Victoria Grayson Playbook. 


The twins, headed to a weird place of sisterly bonding (I'm unfamiliar with a sisterly Sutton), do it in floral this week.

Twisies, best friendsies? Emma goes for big bright floral on a black dress...

while sutton goes for the very odd choice of random botanical prints with pink formal shorts.

I can't even begin to understand the choice of shorts. Or even Emma's church garden party dress. However, I'm so on board with Sutton's giant ass ring.

Daytime cocktail rings must be the new daytime glamour. 


Alec decides to honour Theresa's memory with a fund of some kind, plus what may be the oddest memorial service in the history of ever. It looks more like a fundraising dinner than a memorial. Very few dressed in their mourning clothes. Ethan and Dan did, but I guess you have to when it's your fiancée/sister-in-law-to-be that's found dead in the pool.


Outside of those two, Sutton is the only one even remotely dressed for the occasion.

Not so much the giant chain link necklace (love it), but the black dress. Oddly, she had no plans to attend. This is her "I'm chilling out in a cabin in the woods" outfit. 


Emma goes with champagne lace and a figure skater neckline. 

Flattering and lovely, but not really memorial service appropriate.



Then again, neither is Kristen in this blue satin frock she swiped from the Mad Men wardrobe department.

I mean, it's much better than her pre-divorce proceedings, but the timing is all off. Maybe don't wear the bright sexy mom number to mourn the dead?


The blue dress is the only thing she's really doing right. Because, as I said, she was totally bland at the divorce meeting.

Great red glasses though. Totally cool mom of you, Kristen. 


After switching places with Sutton, Emma raids Kristen's closet for the most shapeless blue shirtdress. And success! She finds one!

But her hair was totally fantastic and very Veronica Lake-film noir-ish, so she gets half points for that. 


Back at the country club where everything of any importance in Arroyo happens, Mads goes for some lovely black and white. 

How much hair does that girl have? The more to hide secrets in I guess. I don't love that it's a maxi skirt, but I otherwise dig on the B&W&red-hot all over look. it's a great one for saying good bye to your boyfriend as he's arrested on surprise murder charges. 


He must have known that arrest was coming, because he changed his shirt. I get it. I'd want to look my best for the mug shot, too.


Still wreaking havoc is the very evil, but perhaps not quite as evil as we first thought, Rebecca.


Black dress and black gloves? How very "A" of you, Rebecca. I'll just assume they're her way of going incognito and preparing for this to happen.

Oops. Let's hope he makes a Revenge(!!!)-like recovery.


Ok, let's recap: Jordan has been arrested for possibly murdering his brother, Rebecca has possibly pushed Alec through a skylight, and Mr. Blink-and-you'll-miss-him has a found a way to get his girlfriend to notice him...


But I bet wearing colors that aren't the same as the walls would also get her attention. Killing very nice lawyers, framing your dad and trashing your room with a murder weapon is really not necessary. 

So, did Thayer do it? Did Rebecca do it? Did Jordan do...whatever it is he's accused of doing? Sadly, it's the end of season 2, and the secrets and lies will be marinating for the rest of the year. 


The Lying Game: The Grave Truth

So much confessing this week! Ted confesses to Sutton (Emma) that he's her (their) biological dad, then confesses to Dan that he saw Theresa at the graveyard. Rebecca confesses her motives to Ted, making her look VERY guilty about the whole Theresa sitch, and then both Sutton and Emma confess to Ted that there are two of them, which leads to Ted deciding to get his family back together. Another family falls apart when Dan realizes Ethan chose to protect Sutton (Emma) instead of confessing the facts to Dan, which led to Ethan crashing (shirtless) on the Mercer's couch, and you guys, this show. BTW, RIP Theresa, we'll miss your tasteful jewellery.


You know how Revenge (!!!) has over-the-shoulder hugs? Well the Lying Game has a penchant for windows. Case in point: Thayer and his prison stripe sweater.

I feel like everyone's just used to people creeping outside Sutton's window now. It's pretty much become a main entrypoint at Casa de Mercer.


On the other side of that window was Mads, who brought a weekender for a night at the Mercer's. She pairs a gorgeous pair of silk shorts with an equally awesome printed tank. And those shoes? Fab, as always. No walk of shame for our wee little lollipop.


On the opposite end of the spectrum, Krisitn continues her reign as Queen of Bland. Boring, shapeless, blends into the background, etc.

But I'm being too harsh, right?


No, she brings the blah to yoga class, too. Is there an asana to clear sartorial blockage?

Meanwhile, Rebecca ambushes her at the country club in a similarly unflattering print dress. The worst part is, we never got a clear shot of her shoes, and I'm betting they were best part of her outfit.


Maybe Emma could borrow the shoes. I mean, I feel like she only wears the most uninteresting pieces from Sutton's closet. This black dress is one of them, and it makes me sad.


Speaking of Sutton, she's pretty used to sneaking around outside windows, too. NBD. Just spying on sis and Ethan sharing a midnight cuppa.

 Although she may be onto something about that moonlight. Hola, Ethan.

Just a little gratuitous male shirtlessness for y'all.


My first thought was that Emma probably shouldn't be wearing lingerie while (shirtless) Ethan's crashing at the Mercers.

But then I realized it was merely a pink babydoll top with floral shorts Sutton made in home ec. In grade seven, probably. Oh, Emma. Only you.


Non-sexual lingerie aside, I don't predict Ems and Thayer lasting much longer. If I could only give one picture as evidence of Ethan and Thayer as total opposites, this would be it. Thayer blends into the background in his neat navy polo, while Ethan is a bronze statue claid in plaid. Typical.


Not typical is Sutton's floral button-up and jean shorts. Looks like Sutton's been dipping into Emma's remaining LA wardrobe.

But there's little details, such as the little zipper on the collars that definitely make the blouse Arroyo worthy.


And these two? Defs not Arroyo worthy in a plain blue henley and neon tank. Didn't Emma (or Sutton?) wear this like three episodes ago? The neon tanks are getting old. Next!


And finally, someone who breaks out of their norm. This is how you know Jordan means business. He's not in pastels. And Mads shows up both Emma and Sutton in a printed tank that's not neon or floral. Yay lollipop!


No yay for Sutton — this is the second floral top from her this week, this must be her version of laundry day clothes.


But it's definitely not laundry day for Rebecca in this lovely sapphire top. She has good taste in drape-y silk tops, even if she has terrible taste in jewellery.


And then we have Laurel, who probably has the best taste in jewellery out of everyone in the show. But I gotta say, I almost miss the mullet sundresses. Yet another tank this week from Laurel, this one in the form of neon orange and crochet overlay. Definite improvement from Emma's, but what happened to the girls who once wore daytime sequins?


Laurel even falls prey to a boring dress this week. The lack of a defined waist isn't doing her any favors. But those shoes?? Coupled with that hair she could wear a potato sack and still be cute. Same goes for Sutton. The addition of the nude heels definitely takes her outfit up a notch.


Emma may not understand daytime glam yet (baby steps), but she totally kills it in this red number. Love the drop necklace which coordinates perfectly with her bracelet. Laurel must've picked them out for her.

Although, Emma, you're technically meeting your dad for the first time. You couldn't come up with anything more creative than a ponytail? Hmph. Well, here's to more pretty dresses, less boring ones, more shirtlessness/tuxes, and hopefully some answers next episdoe!


The Lying Game: Bride and Go Seek

G.U.I.L.T.Y. You ain't got no alibi.

What should have been the most important day in the life of a cynical cop who lives in a trailer goes topsy turvy when the bride leaves him stranded at the chapel. Folks are saying cold feet, especially when her clothes are missing, her ring is left behind, and her car is found at the airport. Dan doesn't believe it for a minute. And, of course, we know he's right. We just don't know who took Theresa or why they care so much about this twin secret that they're willing to kill and kidnap (because we really hope Theresa hasn't gone the way of the Derek), but there are a lot of missing alibis for the night before. Meanwhile, Sutton starts to question Rebecca's motives (smart) and comes clean with Emma, Jordan comes (mostly) clean with Mads, Ted and Kristen's marriage continues to crumble, and Ted looks super shady when Emma learns he was at Derek's grave last night.


Poor, poor Dan. Left with only Theresa's voice mail on his wedding day. And he cleans up so well.


Not quite as well as Ethan, who we see out of his usual plaid and fitted tees.

I think I like the plaid and the shirtlessness best, but I'll take it. And I like how Theresa matched the bridesmaid's dress and Ethan's tie in that buttery yellow. It's just lovely. I'm sad we don't get to see her Shotgun Wedding dress. I bet it was going to be super cute and simple. 


Instead, we get the wedding guests — both invited and uninvited. Sutton crashes in a black sundress.

You'd think she know that the best way to blend in is to dress appropriately for the event. The dress is cute for Sutton casual wear, but not for wedding crashing.


I do, however, completely approve of her giant medallion jewelry. 

This is a much better way to get matchy matchy with your accessories than last week's Claire's special.


Mads, on the other hand, is taking the matchy matchy just a little too far. At first glance, I'm all over this. The colour looks fantastic on her and it's a great choice for a warm weather wedding that isn't too formal. The accessories aren't overdone and I especially adore the layered necklace. But the purse in the exact same colour as the dress? Really Mads? We expect more from your sense of style. And I know you did the same thing last week. Try just a little harder.

BTW, her purse to hair ratio says the suspicious lack of a bride and her feelings about Jordan have got her and her hair down, so a bigger bag is required to hold secrets and feelings. 


Speaking of Jordan, while I like the grey/pink combo and the skinny tie, he's still throwing off a James Spader vibe.

There's something so 80s teen movie about him. Maybe it's less about the outfit and more about the hair. It's got the kind of volume I haven't seen in a dude's hair since I read Sweet Valley High on the regular. 


The shadiest guests could have done a better job coordinating tie colour to dress.

I'm not saying Alec should wear coral, but I am saying the lack of colour coordination is the real sign of discord in their marriage. That and the fact that they're both trying to make it with one half of the Mercers. 


Rebecca's coral dress is a fantastic colour, and I love the nude shoes/clutch combo and her aviators. 

But I the fit around the girls isn't as good as it could be and that's just unfortunate. A truly evil villian would know that she needs to show off the girls as much as possible. But her taste is becoming questionable as of late. I mean, check out Sutton's reaction to Rebecca's heartfelt gift for the twins.

Yeah, that's right Sutton. We'd make the same face if someone tried to give us a tacky broken heart BFF charm, especially if it was our wealthy long lost mother who's done quite well for herself since giving twins up. I'd expect at least a Tiffany charm at this point. It's probably why #SuttonComesClean with Emma — tacky charms are where she draws the line. 


Rebecca's coral lace overlay did have her in sync with her other daughter though.

I was going to express serious disappointment in Emma for breaking out yet another tank. With such a wonderful, magical closet at your disposal, why waste it on a tank top? But then I noticed the bitchin' turquoise bracelet, which led me to notice the colour blocking on the bright denim and the shoes that match the bracelet.

Fine Emma, you may be bored with the daytime glam (we weren't), but I'll accept this outfit. Besides, you're probably trying to wear as many bright colours as possible to compensate for Thayer's cameleon like choices in clothing.


Seriously. Let's play Spot the Thayer!

When he blends right into the paint, I start to think about how Waldo is easier to find in a crowd of striped shirts. If Laurel gets a chance to play Coachella again, I'm going to advise against bringing Thayer, as there's no doubt he'll wear desert colours and no one will ever find him again. 


In addition to being the colour of every wall, he's full of questionable ideas that all hinge on "don't let Emma spend time with Ethan or she'll forget about me. Even Laurel and Mads are starting to notice this.


There's a lot of casual wear happening this week. I mean, it's still Arroyo casual, which is nothing like real people casual. Laurel is chilling at home in a baby doll dress. 

 While still not the best cut for the girls, it's significantly better than last week's. And her hair is so golden and shiny and wonderful, that it's really the star of her outfit. She could have worn a sack and I'd have said she looks great with that perfect hair. I think I like her necklace, but it's lost in her cleave.


Sutton does her version of "roughing it in a cabin without access to a Magical closet" with white cut offs and soft polka dot blouse.

I'm thrown off that neither twin is in daytime glam, but I really dig Sutton's summery look. The light blouse is much more flattering than a tank and it dresses up the cut offs.


And that mint colour with polka dots is about a thousand times better than the blouse Emma chooses for dinner at the club.

What? What? My brain can't even process that pattern with the coordinating maroon slacks. Did she dig that out of Kristin's collection to be sent to the Goodwill? Wherever she found it, she should send it back immediately. 


Mads almost brings the daytime glam in her bejewelled tank with a plunging neckline that she wears with jeans to study at home.

Ok, this is more champion amateur figure skater than teenage glam. We all know she can do better, but I assume this is her version of leggings and an old college sweatshirt, so I'll let it slide. I don't like being judged for the outfits I wear when working at home, either. 


As for the shady characters that are supposed to be grown ups around these parts, well, divorce papers appear to be doing wonders for Kristin. 

Remember the days of grey sacks? Gone! Now it's fitted, cropped pants, airy white blouses and heels.


And for dinner in a hotel room with your husband's bestie?

A flattering black wrap dress. Kudos, Kristin. Kudos. Ted and his golf shirts were really dragging you down sartorially and Alec is clearly bringing out your hot mom side. 


Attempting to do the sexy trophy wife look is the lady in these cage shoes.

(Dear ABC Family: thank you for the double shot of gratuitous male shirtlessness plus a shoe close-up! Two of our favourite things.)


I could almost work with the shoes, but the cut of the pants coming down over them? And then we pan up to this mistake of a top?

Blurg... so Real Housewives of Arroyo. This is a "don't" if ever I saw one, as is the hair I used to wear in junior high. This woman is hot one moment and a total mess the next. All her crazy plans to reunite her twins and get with their dad must get to her sometimes and she just can't manage to bring her A game. Because it's the only thing that describes that top with the cutout shoulders. Scheming is hard, y'all and we should try and remember that when we see Rebecca can't pull it together, fashion-wise. 


The Lying Game: Regrets Only

Flowers On a Grave

Emma's spends the episode trying to convince herself she doesn't reget sleeping with Thayer. This isn't made any easier when Laurel tells Ethan to go after Emma, and Ethan shows up in Emma's room and kisses her. Rebecca reveals to Sutton that she planted the evidence on Alec. Jordan's Dark Mysterious Past is slowly being revealed, although he still won't tell Mads exactly what he's done. But, most importantly, Rebecca sees Alec and Kristen kissing and tells Ted, and gets what she's been waiting for — a drunken kiss from Ted. Also, in mystery news, someone's been leaving flowers on Derek's grave, and Theresa is sure that it's the guilty party. After the rehearsal dinner, she stakes out the grave and sees someone — we don't know who — leaving the flowers. But, given how the camera zooms in on Theresa saying "You?!' all shocked, I'm guessing she's uncovered the real identity of A. Wait. Wrong show.


Poor Emma. This is the face of a girl who's just woken up alone after losing her virginity.


It's okay, Emma! Thayer didn't ditch you! It's just that, when he's asleep, he can't control his chameleon powers. He's still there, he's just blending in with the sheets.

Isn't that better? No? Are you regretting losing your v-card to a man-chameleon hybrid? Don't worry, we've all been there.


Thayer and Emma have a yogurt post-sex date that night, and Emma looks downright demure in her belted floral dress.

Don't get me wrong, this is adorable, but it's probably the most conservative thing we've ever seen Emma in. I'm guessing she had to dig deep into Sutton's Magic Closet to find it. Sutton's probably only worn this once, to Easter brunch at the club.


Emma goes to see Thayer at work, again looking very buttoned up in her (dare we say virginal?) white lace top.

Emma. Pumpkin. Chill. I know you're probably freaking out because you promised yourself you'd only sleep with one guy that Sutton's also slept with, and you picked the wrong one. But I promise you, no one will think less of you for breaking your rule and hooking up with Ethan in a few episodes. I mean, it's Ethan, bringer of the Gratuitous Male Shirtlessness with a side of Soulful Intense Staring. We all get it. So undo a button or two, stop looking so damned conflicted, and be happy that your first time was in a bed and not on a pile of blankets in the Squatter House.


Ethan, can you please set her straight?

My point exactly. Thank you.


Even with a concealed carry permit for those guns, Ethan still looks smoking hot.

With his usual t-shirts and henleys, it's easy to forget how well Ethan cleans up. Our favorite look for Ethan is of the less-is-more variety, but we won't send him packing if he shows up in our room dressed like this.


This is not one of Laurel's better episodes, fashion-wise. The highlight is probably her cute sleepwear, which we only see briefly.

For real, this is as good as it gets for Laurel this episode.


Case in point:

Nothing about this is flattering. It destroys her waistline. It's doing wildly unflattering things to her bust. The color of the top is meh. The pleating on the skirt is way too wide, and the skirt is too structured for that top. Definitely a miss. The skirt could have been salvageable with a different top, but that halter monstrosity should be burned immediately.


To perform at Dan and Theres'a rehearsal dinner, Laurel breaks out a very LSwift frock. I'm not entirely sure how different it is from one of her nightgowns.

We've seen Laurel in dresses like this several times, and I'm just not a fan. The girl has curves, and these dresses don't do her any favors.


Most impressive about this ensemble is the giant ring she's wearing.

Laurel may be crying to Mads about her parents' divorce, but you know that deep down, Mads is excited to have unlimited access to Sutton and Laurel's seemingly endless collection of accessories. When Mads is finally betrayed by Jordan, a huge ring will look great as she slaps him.


And really, Laurel should be excited too. It won't be a one-way street. Mads brings with her an impressive collection of giant purses.

Seriously, that bag is so big, she could nest inside it. Maybe it's because I just did a ton of Stats homework, but I think it's time to start tracking Mads' purse to hair ratio. Her hair is relatively flat here, and her purse is gigantic. I think that, when she's having a bad hair day, she stores her secrets in a comically oversized purse.


Further proof: some slight lift at the crown, a midsized hobo bag. All to hide her night of white wine and bonding with Ethan from Emma.

No one looks as good in grey as Mads. Such a cute, simple outfit. The shape is getting a little familiar — we've seen this belted v-neck style on her several times this season, but it's so flattering on our wee little lollipop that I really can't complain.


For the rehearsal dinner, Mads looks smoking hot in a wine colored slip dress.

For real, this girl is flawless. The dress is sexy but understated, and the jewelry keeps the whole look perfect for a rehearsal dinner at the Whitehorse trailer.


As for her love interest/stepbrother Jordan — you can call him sexy, but understated? Not a chance. I mean, he has pink golfing gloves.

The guy is basically Arizona's answer to Scott Disick.


I had a theory a couple weeks ago that, much like Mads, Kristen was hiding all her secrets under her giant tunics and dresses. Now that her Spiral Bound Notebook of Inner Pain is out in the open, the wardrobe department has invested in some skinny jeans to go with her drapey tops.

I really can't criticize this outfit — it's pretty much exactly what my mom would wear to lunch at the country club she belongs to.


However, what I can criticize: making out with Alec in the middle of the damned country club.

In the background? CHAIRS. FROM THE PORCH. OF THE COUNTRY CLUB. Come on, you guys. At least sneak off to the woods by the tenth hole before you start necking.


You know what Rebecca's thinking right now?

"You guys are making it too easy for me." And we agree. We're also thrilled to see the skinny jeans have made their way into Rebecca's closet, along with this cute striped top. So much more flattering than her usual matronly (or too sexy) dresses.


It's a rare episode when we get through nearly the entire recap without once mentioning Sutton, but our girl doesn't get many costume changes. In fact, she spends most of the episode wearing this:

Love the brights together, and it's much more believable that Sutton would wear these saffron jean cutoffs than the denim shorts we've seen her in before.



The only part of the outfit that gives us pause are the accessories.

Because, really, Sutton — while it's impressive that you found earrings and a ring that matched your outfit, the flower motif is more than a little too matchy-matchy. If the earrings had been tangerine-colored studs, this would 100% be amazing. But flower earrings and a flower ring ... it kind of looks like you've taken to shopping at Claire's. Then again, with that giant heart locket you wore a few weeks ago, maybe we're not that far off-base.


Let's wrap up the recap with some Thayer-watch, shall we? This week, Thayer defies the odds — despite wearing a uniform, he still manages to find a way to match the background.

I guess you could say he's really tie-d to that door. Get it? Because his tie is the exact same color as the door?

Seriously, the wardrobe people have to be doing this on purpose, right?


The Lying Game: Catch Her in the Lie

Twenty Thousand Lies

Emma lets Laurel in on the secret, discovers that Ted is possibly her biological dad and also Derek's killer, and then sleeps with Thayer... all in one episode. She did have help with figuring out Derek's killer — Derek's mom brought in a dug-up bag full of $20,000 in cash, the same amount Kristin finds missing from the accounts. Meanwhile, the great couple swap of 2013 occurs, with Ted and Rebecca sharing a dance and Alec and Kristin sharing more than a bottle of wine. And because things aren't further complicated, Mads and Ethan share a moment (also over a bottle of wine). And it all happens at a flipside dance (aka Sadie Hawkins), which is pretty much another occassion for the girls to wear fab dresses and for Emma to impersonate Sutton.


In place of gratuitous male shirtlessness, we get Ethan bench pressing some weights. #nbd. Also, this is a good way to make sure we're still paying attention five minutes into the show.


And apparently all that working out is doing Ethan some good. He makes this seriously boring blue shirt, well, interesting. As interesting as the fact that Thayer drives a Mini Cooper. Speaking of, Thayer and Emma are back! (They left?)


In an attempt to help us tell Sutton and Emma apart, it becomes clear that the hair and wardrobe department on this show really prefer Sutton. Emma gets the flat hair, Sutton the PLL-worthy gorgeousness. Sutton gets the Magical Closet while Emma gets a boring simple colorblocked frock and equally boring jewellery. Sorry Emma.


At first glance, this must be Sutton. I mean, she put effort into her hair! Her outfit is cute!


But no, it's Emma! In a fantastic summery floral with a cool silvery knit back. Hands up if you think she borrowed a bump-it from Mads. Seriously, check out the detail on the back of this top: 


Our wee little lollipop wore cute outfits but didn't get much love this episode. First up, purple jeans that make her legs look a million miles long. Or maybe it's the killer heels. (Sidenote: how awesome are those geometric stairs?!)


As much as I love Stylish Mads, I love Wallowing Mads and her adorable patterned henley even more.

Only, the wallowing doesn't last long. Alec gives his daughter a pep talk and she shows up at the dance dressed to the nines...


Laurel's emerald gown is lovely, and her hair is Emily Thorne fab. But Mads? Poor Mads got stuck with a ruched, patterned watercolor gown with a mullet hem. It looks much, much better sitting by the pool, though (more on that later).


Loving, as always, Laurel's outfits. 

This week it's this orange dress with white lace overlay and (of course) coordinating purse. Neon is clearly Arroyo's dress code, and definitely explains Jordan's yellow pants.


YKYLF has a girl-crush on Laurel. It probably has to do with the fact that her accessories are always spot-on. The way to our hearts is proper accessorizing, and this girl knows it.


Seriously though, check out the cut-out back on her dress! Gorgeous x 100000. Also her obviously pinterest-worthy hair. Double twisted ponytails? Love.


If only she could help her mother. At first you want to congratulate Kristen because she's wearing a really cute chambray shirtdress that actually defines her waist!!


But then you notice that said shirtdress is more like a cross between a shirtdress and a pilgrim skirt and defines more than her waist.


And also has a peplum. Yikes.


Also yikes — zebra print dresses at the country club. Who wears skintight zebra print in the afternoon?! Let alone at a country club, where your shorts must pass a length test. But those heels? To. Die. For. I'll take a pair in every color, please and thank you. 


Propriety is clearly not Rebecca's strong suit. Her dress is perfect for a high school dance! If your high school dance was held in a stuffy gym and you were in ninth grade. This is not what you wear to chaperone a high school dance at a country club, unless you want to be mistaken for a high school student. The shiny ruched satin is doing her no favours, but the yellow clutch is a nice pop of color.


Let's play a game of who wore it better...



or Emma?

Either way, both girls look gorgeous in the red BCBG gowns, with chunky pearl bracelets and fab updos. I would really like to know how Emma got the deets on Sutton's entire ensemble. She replicated it to a T. 


Speaking of tees...

Dan "I'm getting married in jeans" and Theresa "simple elegant accessories and blouses" could not be farther apart on the sartorial spectrum. But they are a seriously cute couple. 


And speaking of cute couples, here's a list of people who aren't:  

1) Kristen and Alec. Because really, how did this even happen?!?!

I mean, this was our reaction to Alec and Kristin:


2) Rebecca and Ted. And it is obviously not a coincidence that Ted's tie is blue. While it doesn't match Rebecca's shiny blue monstrosity, it's not supposed to. Because that would be way too obvious on Rebecca's part. Duh.


And one possibly cute couple: 

Mads and Ethan? He "always finds her when she's hiding". Only we know they won't be a couple because there's no ABC Family-provided hashtag in the upper right corner. #MadsandEthan #Methan #Madsan 


And just to tide you over till next week, more gratuitous male shirtlessness!

You're welcome.