Sex and the City: Oh Come All Ye Faithful

SEASON FINALE! Having spent a short HBO-sized season with these ladies, it's time to wrap things up with a touch of religiosity! Carrie's shocked to learn Big takes his Mom to church every week - and even more shocked that his mother has no idea who Carrie is. Charlotte has faith she's going to find a husband, until a psychic tells her she's DOOMED TO DIE A SPINSTER! Sam sees the light - unexpectedly falling in love with a guy who's practically perfect. And Miranda... well, #insertcrappystorylinehere

Pants off! It's column writing time!

"... and I couldn't help but wonder: why don't I ever wear pants?"

Carrie goes for a walk with Mir, talking about their respective relationships. Miranda's dating a Catholic who has some hang-ups, but really, can she be that picky when dressing like early 90s Ellen Degeneres? In 1998? When even Ellen had given up on the "actual men's clothes as menswear" look?

Carrie looks particularly adorbs in this ensemble, which emphasizes her teeny tiny waist. Actually, the bright pink and highwaisted pants wouldn't be that out of place in 2012. But I think we all know the camera cut away before SJP actually ate any of that ice cream for reals.

To do research for her column, Carrie gets her spy on and stakes out a local church (I guess to get a taste of what sorts of people attend church?). Her superspy attire leaves much to be desired:

I mean, there's low key, and then there's dressing like Sporty Spice making a coffee run. Step up your game, C-Brads.

The fab four meet up for cocktails, because it's the 90s and that's what you do, and each of their outfits perfectly sums up what we've come to know about them this inaugural season:

Carrie: Hot Mess, morning-after hair, nerps

Charlotte: Victim of 90s trends, regrettably overdone hair

Miranda: Lipstick lesbian

Samantha: big shoulders, bigger sex drive

Samantha comes bearing EARTH SHATTERING NEWS: she thinks she might be falling in luuurve! (Spoiler: it doesn't work out. But imagine how different the series would have been if Sam had settled down with a guy in the first season)

She met him at a jazz club which is just, yuck. He was wearing a white blazer with a black button-up inside which is yuck squared.

Fashion victim Charlotte puts on yet another strappy cocktail dress (and her trademark TRAGIC 90s HAIR) to go and see a psychic to hear what she hopes is good news about when she'll meet her future husband.

The news she gets is bad, but my advice? Ditch the blue eyeshadow and the cocktail prom dresses and your luck might change.

Of all the girls, Miranda's got the strongest sense of friendship. Notice how she's always the one most willing to step up as a friend? She's totally the Spencer of the SATC crew. So, it comes as no surprise that she's Carrie's wingman to stake out Big and his Mom at church.

Bur Mir being Mir, her church lady outfit is 5% OK and 95% OH HONEY NO. The hat is great with her colouring, but combining bright pink with bright orange is a VARSITY LEVEL FASHION MOVE. On experimental fashionistas like PLL's Aria, Apartment 23's Chloe, or even Ms. Bradshaw - fine. But on Miranda, it looks like donned clashing colours by accident, not on purpose.

Plus, SAD BEIGE BLAZER.

Unfortunately, this is not Miranda's biggest WTF moment this episode.

Carrie goes typically overboard with her church-goin' garb, including not just a wide-brimmed hat and demure dress, but also white gloves:

Her dress is adorbs, but all the church garb in the world won't make her relationship with Big work out. He not only introduces her to his mother as his "friend," but his mother has no idea who Carrie is. And they've been together for MONTHS.

BU-URN!

Even a nerps-filled dinner (note: love how the camera cuts away when Carrie puts the spaghetti in her mouth; continuing the trend of SJP totally not eating anything, really) won't make Big make the commitment to her that she wants.

"Food is a fun accessory! What do you mean you want me to eat carbs?"

Then it's PARTY TIME! Bring out the go-go dancing male strippers dressed like angels!

As you do.

Carrie's still bummed about Big, so she tries to cheer herself up with the WORST HAIR EXTENSIONS EVER.

Like, those curls aren't even the same barrel size as her natural hair. Also, that dress is nasty. I appreciate the raspberry pink colour story she's been working this week but like... is that lace on the neckline? Why isn't the waist fitting her properly on the (teeny tiny, carb-free) waist? Also, the hem is way too long. Sorry! Try again!

Literally. WORST EXTENSIONS EVER.

Also, the lipstick doesn't really go with the dress. But girlfriend's mid-crisis, so I guess I can forgive it THIS ONE TIME.

And what are the other ladies wearing for the party?

Charlotte: 90s prom dress. Sam: Buffy the Vampire slayer hair. Mir: Lipstick lesbian.

And can one of the girls please gank Carrie's weave? Like IMMEDIATELY?

Sam has a sad because Mr White Jacket Jazz Guy turns out to have a tiny member, which is like the ONLY THING SHE LOOKS FOR IN A GUY. "I like a big c*ck," she says, through tears.

Don't worry, Sam. You've got like 6 seasons of c*cks to work with, coming up.

Miranda actually chose an OK dress for this event. The blue colour is striking with her red hair and porcelain skin (shame about the pashmina, but I'll take what I can get with this lady), and the neckline reminds us that she's actually a LADY with some mega-cleave.

But it turns out she was wearing BAD DECISION JEANS because, still reeling from being dumped by the Catholic guy (for forcing him to snuggle with her) she makes the WORST CALL.

Who's there, hoping to run into her? SKIPPER.

She doesn't do the rational thing which is, RUN RUN RUN AWAY. No, Miranda tells him that she MISSES HIM. Suddenly Skipper is a viable boyfriend option, just because he wasn't traumatized by nuns like her recent ex.

What's the opposite of a squee? Vomit?

Let's cleanse our palate with the always nattily-dressed Stanford and his latest piece:

Awww.

Anyway, Carrie finally decides that she doesn't want to be with Big if he's not going to take their relationship seriously. She dumps him just as they're about to go for a holiday together, and when she's weirdly wearing her second pair of gloves this episode.

I like her big hatbox-esque suitcase. And her red shoes. Actually, this is a pretty decent outfit, aside from the bizarre gloves:

Her nerps are covered and everything!

Anyway, so she dumps this Big character. I guess that's the last we'll see of him, right? Good riddance, I don't think he was good for her anyway. You can tell by how he's wearing a SPORT COAT over a TEE SHIRT.

So long, bad boyfriend! Don't let the door hit you on the way out! In the next six seasons and two movies, I'm sure we'll see Carrie get lots of better boyfriends, right? This guy's gone for good... right?

Sex and the City - The Bay of Married Pigs

Carrie escapes NYC for a visit with married friends Patience and Peter in the Hamptons, only to confront the Cold War between marrieds and singles. When she returns to the city, Carrie breaks down the exclusionary methods of the married side. Is it pity? Fear? Or do married couples just want the singles "figured out"? When her married friends fix her up with Sean (the one bachelor in Manhattan who desperately wants to be married) Carrie and the girls go behind the enemy lines to figure out the truth.

Look, it's Beach Carrie! Our city mouse trades her standard black for a blue striped tee and high-waisted jeans, complete with a blue boater hat.

And how freakin' adorable is her coral paisley duffel? Do you think she owned that, or did she borrow it from Charlotte?

Carrie's hosts for the weekend are Peter and Patience, Married Couple. Carrie thinks they're straight from a J. Crew catalog. And guess what, she's right.

Oy. So much monochrome.

The next morning (after regaling her hosts with stories from Single Gal Life), Carrie comes face to face in the hallway with something totally unexpected.

No, its not her cute pink pajama set, paired with the same white hoody she wore the day before...

...it's Peter, half-naked. Frankly, that wasn't very J. Crew of Peter.

Luckily for us, he's covered up here. Is it just me or do khakis with t-shirts look sloppy and schizophrenic? From the waist up, Peter looks like he's about to play in a pickup baseball game. From the waist down, he's at a Hamptons brunch.

Patience looks much better, though the stripe on her button-up is a little narrow and pajama-like.

That smile, however, isn't sticking around, as soon as Carrie tells her host what happened when she came face to face with little Peter in the hallway.

Later, at lunch with the girls, Carrie asks their opinions on The War Between Marrieds and Singles (apparently, this is a thing).

Charlotte votes for pity as the main issue--probably because marriage is a sorority Charlotte's desperate to join. Or maybe it's because she's just as J. Crew as Patience and Peter. Uber-preppy or no, that cranberry color is gorgeous on her, though.

Samantha, of course, looks like she just stepped off the display window at Barney's.

I'm just glad that color is more predominant this episode. The pilot had me worried. This cool lilac so flattering on Samantha, and the earrings are just the right touch of flair.

Miranda, as ever, is efficient and business-like in a navy blue collared shirt with no-nonesense hair. You know, lest we forget she's The Serious One.

Carrie, on the other hand, wears something utterly bizarre.

Did her cardigan work its way from her waist to her bustline? I can't imagine anyone would deliberately tie it there. Perhaps she left the Hamptons too early for the lesson in properly tying one's sweater. I'll bet that was next on the Peter and Patience's agenda.

But forget those two. Carrie's other married friends, David and Lisa, aren't psycho flashers like P&P, and they're even nice enough to bring along a blind date for Carrie.

I'm getting a 70s vibe here, what with David's brown sport coat, and Lisa's patterned blouse. Overall, they're a stylish, put-together couple. Yes, I like these friends much better.

And their friend, Sean, is cut out of similar cloth.

Sean's mustard yellow polo might be a little less stuffy if he unbuttoned the top button, but overall, it's good enough to catch the attentions of Season 1 Carrie Bradshaw.

So they catch a few couple of movies. Carrie even likes him enough to straighten her hair and do her own version of the J. Crew uniform.

'Cause Sean himself is obviously a card-carrying member.

Carrie even helps him pick out a top of the line cheese grater at Williams-Sonoma in preparation for a move into his new apartment on the Upper West Side. Question: is one allowed only to have a Williams-Sonoma cheese grater when one buys an apartment for way more than it's worth?

What I love most about this outfit is it's basically recycled from the others Carrie's worn this episode.  Of course, we recognize her blue boater from the trip to the Hamptons, as well as her bright red trench from an earlier movie date with Sean. TV characters - they're just like us!

Carrie's not just a fashion icon because she wears designers, but because she wears brilliant combinations of what are otherwise normal pieces.  Of course, sometimes this goes very badly, like the cardigan mishap of earlier.

Or this:

Note to Carrie:  a flesh-colored bandeau top looks like saggy Spanx. I know Spanx hasn't yet been invented in your time, but trust me, they'll be big.  

Really, Stanford should have schooled her the minute he saw that hot mess. Hear that, Stanny? I'M BLAMING YOU!

Although, maybe he was too busy stealing her boater hat.

Meanwhile, Miranda is desperately trying to get the senior partners' attention, and since she can't as a straight single girl, she decides to go lesbian.

So she dresses in her best conservative lesbian lawyer costume, complete with full double-breasted jacket and bright red tie. Oh Miranda, you needn't have tried so hard. Just take a look at Syd, your stylish beard for the night, who's dressed so much more creatively and fashionably. Slate gray trench with a beautiful blue and gold scarf? Score two for Syd.

While Miranda's impressing the senior partner and his wife with her newfound lesbian outlook, the rest of the crew heads to Sean's for a housewarming. Unfortunately for them, it's completely populated by married couples.

Charlotte, are you in there? What happened to your figure? I can get behind this color, but not the cut.

Samantha makes up for Charlotte's sack with this navel bearing number. Frankly, if anyone can pull this off, it's Samantha, but even on her it's a little try-hard.

Oh, but wait. This is how we know she's The Sexy One, isn't it? Oh Season 1...you never were much for subtlety.

As for Carrie, she's back in black.

It's a fairly simple dress, but the flashy hair and makeup boost things enough to make it work. That eyeshadow totally counts as an accessory.

By the end of the evening, Carrie's pretty much decided that Sean scares the hell out of her, Charlotte's jealous, and Samantha's drunk. When I say "drunk," I mean it's even easier for her to make typical Samantha decisions, like seduce Charlotte's very young Irish doorman.

We don't normally get a peep at Charlotte's nightwear (she's The Proper One), but when bad girl Sam wakes her up, we do. Oh honey, you should dress like this more often.

Despite it's virginal hue, Charlotte's nightwear is loads sexier than her red party dress. She's clearly a bit mixed up.

Of course, Charlotte gives Sean an audition of his own, but he flunks the china test. You just can't mix Traditional with French Country.

But you can mix a power turtleneck with an awesome navy coat. I think I hear Blade weeping in envy.

In the end, the girls are momentarily discouraged from marriage, and Miranda decides that the lesbian lifestyle isn't for her. Movie night!

Such a quintessential Carrie outfit.  Purple bandana, blue t-shirt, red jeans and a simple black jacket.  No one else could wear so many different colors and get away with it. Just like no one else could dump a perfectly legitimate marriage prospect and smile about it the next day.

Sex and the City (aka Pilot) - Introductions

Before Gossip Girl and its coterie of partying New York fashionistas, there was Carrie and company. Carrie's a thirty-something self-proclaimed New York partygirl and sexual anthropologist who uses her friends as research for her column. She's flanked by her BFFs Charlotte, the WASP looking for Prince Charming, and Miranda, the lawyer with the cynical attitude. And of course Samantha, who's given up on love and sates herself on sex with a different man every night.  In this first episode of Sex and the City, we meet the basic players, but it's a far cry from the chic series we remember - Carrie talks directly to the camera (ouch), the shot quality is poor, leading to poor screencaps (double ouch, and sorry), and the fashions are beyond blah (the ouchiest of all).

Elizabeth is our introduction into this new world of New York dating politics, and unfortunately for her, it's a rude awakening.

She has that snooty British appeal. Sure her dress and hair look simple, but take another glance and you'll see not a strand out of place, and a dress that's both a flawless fit and the perfect shade of melon. Best not to get too attached. We'll never see her again after this episode.

Elizabeth's problem isn't that she doesn't know how to accessorize a cocktail dress, but that she takes men at face value.

Tim should really appreciate that he's found a New York woman who's comfortable with color. You'll discover later in the recap just how rare this is. But seriously, how summery sweet is Elizabeth's yellow flowered shift dress?

Speaking of color, I might actually mug dear Liz for her turquoise sheath. The color, the halter neckline, the simple button embellishment? Tres chic.

Aaaand here's where the train comes right off the track. Depressed at her ill fortune with Tim, Elizabeth retreats to her gray power suit, the costume of all bitter New York women. And with her happiness vanishes our last hope for color this episode.

Speaking of her erstwhile lover, hey Tim? When I said, "embrace color," I wasn't referring to a burnt orange tie.

A decent, if safe, choice. Tim simply doesn't take the risk. Chuck Bass would have sniffed at tie and shirt pairing, but at this point, Chuck was, like, 7.

Although, if Tim's an investment banker, there's a chance he would have come across Bart Bass, and perhaps little Chuck, who even at the age of 7 would have known to politely ignore Tim at a cocktail party.

I don't care if you slept in until noon, and it's a weekend. That is never an excuse for such a schlumpy situation. If anything, this khaki tent is a red flag. Elizabeth should have known she could do better.

But enough of people we'll never see again. Look, it's Carrie, our sherpa to the wild ways of New York dating and fashion! Except she's seemingly forgotten a large portion of her wardrobe--color.

Not sure what Carrie's wearing under the baggy gray trench, but she looks a little walk-of-shame-esque.

That night, she sports a deep v-neck dress. It's general drabness aside, I do like the cut. Half a point to Miss Bradshaw.

...but unfortunately it's almost the exact same as this black wrap dress. Half a point deducted. Change it up, Carrie!

I am glad this isn't a black v-neck dress, however, it's more slut chic than New York chic. Leopard print corsets paired with a skin tight black skirt? We all expected better from you, Carrie.

Unsurprisingly, the two men in Carrie's life like her outfits a lot better than I do.

First, there's Kurt, a mistake that Carrie's made many times before. No matter. Under the aegis of researching of having sex like a man, she uses and discards him.

Frankly, the man is so swarmy in his open-collared white shirt and douchehair, that he deserves everything she gives him. Which is exactly nothing.

Yep, any time a man wears a wifebeater under a suit jacket, they're a legitimate douchebag.

On the other hand is Mr. Big, so-named because he's supposed to be The Next Big Thing in New York real estate. Hey, I'll bet he definitely knows Bart Bass!

Sorry, I'll get off this whole GG/SATC crossover fantasy eventually.

While Tim the Investment Broker might not realize the importance of a well-coordinated suit, Mr. Big does. The pinstripe is glorious and I adore the pale gold diamond-patterned tie. He's well put together and knows it.

Stanford is the last man in Carrie's life and the only one she can't do without: her gay husband.

He's also the only character besides the fleeting Elizabeth who appreciates a good color palette. Love the lime green shirt paired with the darker emerald tie. And look at the subtle pattern on the tie! Gorgeous!

Remember Season Six Miranda, she of soft hair and makeup and flowing dresses? Rewind to Hard Ass Miranda, who's devastatingly smart and more than a little bitter at the shortcomings of men.

Folks, she's in a Serious Profession and wears Serious Clothes. Her blue pinstriped blouse might have been on a men's rack in a different life, and she accessorizes it with a geometric silver necklace and earring set. There's nothing soft about her...yet.

Another, even more masculine suit, this time it's pinstriped, and another set of similar sleek silver jewelry. The hair is still severe, but honestly? I Love, love, love her hair here.

Skipper is another of Carrie's resources for her column: the "nice guy." He's also kind of a geek, what with the web developer profession, glasses, and a truly awful haircut.

Between that hideous sweater and that hair, is it any surprise that Skipper isn't getting lucky? Oh Skippy. I just want to take you shopping.

Hmm, perhaps Carrie did. This is better, but not by much. If you view him from the neck down, he might even be legitimate dating material.

Skipper commits the cardinal sin of dressing in khakis and a sport coat for going to a nightclub. I think he was aiming for preppy cute, but he ended up at on-a-break-from-prep-school. Or preppy geek? Whatever, he's no match for Hard Ass Miranda.

Speaking of character types, Samantha is our sex kitten extroadinaire, and fulfills her trope by just being gorgeous.

Now this is how you wear a black dress. Maybe it's her golden blond hair and the peaches and cream complexion, but she pulls of black with so much more aplomb than our Carrie. Samantha smartly accessories with a pair of retro pearl earrings and nothing else.

When the girls hit the town at Chaos, Samantha dons a navy (trust me) dress made of a sumptuous velvet. I'll forgive you if you thought it was black. There's just not much of it to see.

Really, if anyone can pull off the completely backless look it's Samantha.

But wait . . .who is this?

Why, that's Charlotte, our resident blue-blooded WASP, looking uncharastically sexy in her backless evening gown. Her updo is perfection, and the dangling earrings complete a truly spectacular look.

In fact, Charlotte is the only girl who really hits it out of the park this episode.  I shall demonstrate:

Simple, but cute enough that she's a bit sexy librarian with her glasses. The khaki skirt is fairly basic, but I like that she pairs it with a fussier, more embellished lace blouse, complete with a chunky pearl necklace.

At Miranda's birthday, she wears a sheer, patterned blouse and her hair in a sleek bob. I'll admit, I forgot about Charlotte's early-series bob.

Lastly, for her date with Capote Duncan, most eligible bachelor in New York, she pulls out all the stops.

Such an awful screencap, but I hope you can make out the shiny silver material of this gown. Frankly, it's a little flashy for the Charlotte that we all know and love, but you can't deny how beautiful she looks in it. It's the one time this episode I completely condone the use of a neutral shade.

As for the man on her arm, Charlotte has snagged the un-snaggable Capote, bachelor extraordinaire.

Who can blame her? While Mr. Big has the aura of power around him, Capote is a certified ladykiller. Mere mortal women can't resist.

But once the tux comes off, he too veers into smarmy territory, and the ladykiller buzz is off.

But Charlotte's a good friend and generously donates her leftovers to Samantha. Good thing Sam knows just what to do with him...