Sex and the City: Running with Scissors

This week, the ladies fell to the classic folly: what you don't know can't hurt you (or in Carrie's case: what others don't know can't hurt them). Carrie continues to sleep with Mr. Big, despite him being all married, etc., and me crying "Don't do it!" at the TV. Charlotte shops for a wedding dress, Samantha gets tested for HIV, and Miranda considers the affections of a sandwich. No, not an actual sandwich (re: Miranda's chocolate cake storyline); a man dressed as a sandwich. 

 

The episode opens to secret agent Carrie Bradshaw's hotel rendezvous with a "Law and Order" detective Mr. Big. 

Despite the sleaziness of their affair, Miz Bradshaw is rockin' her Ray Ban sunglasses and black trench. And is that a painting of Eve with an apple by the Tree of Knowledge in the background, or am I just feeling a little guilty on Carrie's behalf?

 

If you're going to have an affair with your married ex-boyfriend who treated you like crap when you were together, you gotta learn how to braid your hair in a nice french twist. 

 

Always considerate, Carrie decides to unload her situation onto Miranda. 

Not only is Miranda an exceptional friend because she listens to Carrie's problems, but she also accepts Carrie no matter what. Note: Miranda's cute cocktail attire versus Carrie's Cubs (??) t-shirt and oversized khakis. Girl couldn't get her outfit together, but she did manage to grab a baguette-style bag that appears to be of the very expensive persuasion. 

 

At brunch, Charlotte is ready to tackle the incredibly important task of choosing a wedding dress.

This outfit is very PLL's Spencer-esque. While I don't hate it, Char can definitely do better than black overalls and a white button down.   

 

Apparently, 1980s Carrie agrees. 

Okay, I know she's a lawyer, but why is Miranda dressed in a professional work outfit at brunch? And why does she have a mullet? And why does she keep getting the food related story-lines? Don't even get me started on the fact that Miranda's professional attire is essentially layered green items.  

 

Later, Carrie and her c. 1998 American Eagle top do some writin'.

Hair looks great, and I'm a little proud of Carrie for lounging around the house in an outfit that is actually meant for lounging around the house. Golf claps.

 

 Andddd....Charlotte finds her wedding dress. 

While this is not the most thrilling story-line, Charlotte's outfit is super chic and lovely. The neckline on her classic grey dress fits her perfectly, and her hair is definitely on par with our friends in Pretty Little Liars land. 

 

Meanwhile, Miranda is propositioned by a sandwich who says "Eat me."

Miranda has stepped up her work attire game. Perhaps this is why she has attracted the attention of a sandwich? Her mullet is well-styled and her top and pencil skirt actually fits her thin frame. Plus, I'm loving the dark red leather clutch/briefcase. 

 

We get a glimpse of what appears to be another well-styled work outfit below. 

While her scarf takes Miranda's outfit slightly in the "airline stewardess" direction, her sling-back pumps bring it back to "professional woman in NYC." 

 

Ultimately, Miranda rejects the sandwich in a top that screams Guardians of the Galaxy.

And that brings us to the end of #boringmirandastorylinenumber87...

 

While Miranda is thinking about lunch meat, Sam must get tested for HIV.

She attempts to list her number of partners while wearing a sheer turqoise top that could definitely be found at American Apparel today (is that still a good thing?)

 

Samantha decides to wear what is possibly her most appropriate outfit of the entire series to hear the results of her test.

A classy black dress. Is Sam preparing for her own funeral? Luckily for Miss Jones, the news is good: she's HIV free!

 

Carrie continues to dress her version of "incognito" with a khaki-colored dress and signature Ray-Bans.

Someone needs to let her know: just because you wear a hunting shade and some large sunglasses doesn't make you invisible.

 

Miz Bradshaw quickly learns this lesson when she runs into Charlotte outside the latest Big/Carrie hotel spot.

Charlote wears a classic Kate Spade-esque ensemble, while Carrie is in her best outfit of the episode. I don't care if the rando Japanese business man thought she was a hooker, I think her khaki dress is simple and fits her perfectly, while her pale pink heels add a slightly dressy touch. Seriously dude, what kind of hooker wears beige?

 

Carrie is not dressed as snazzily when she learns her lesson of the episode: what others don't know CAN hurt them. 

 

After catching Carrie in her apartment, Natasha chases a bra-clad Bradshaw down the stairs. Unfortunately, N trips and falls and...

Have we changed the channel to The Grudge 6? Nope, it's just Natasha and a swollen lip/broken tooth. 

 

And so, Carrie does the most admirable thing she has in a long time. She ends her affair with Mr. Big.

 

And so, we are left asking: Is the affair really over? Will Carrie tell Aidan? And, most importantly, how on earth did Carrie have the time to put on those 5 inch strappy wedges?

Sex and the City: All or Nothing

So the big question of the week is: Can we really have it all? Charlotte is slapped with a prenuptual agreement and has a major problem with what she's worth. Miranda has a new long distance love, which gives her a relationship with a good deal of space. Samantha is sick with the flu over in her new apartment, but struggles when her curtain rod falls and she can't get a man over to fix it for her. Carrie's still our main drama for the week as she struggles to stay away from Big while Aidan's away.

 

So Carrie heads off to see the girls looking kinda... blah. In fact, I'm not really sure what's happening here. The one shoulder, cloud print, red fringe top is a monstrosity. I can't even. The trousers might be okay for a business lunch, but that seems more like Miranda's kinda thing, no?

The kicker for me is that jacket. It looks harmless enough from the front, but then she turns around and it says "I Shot JR" on the back! Surely this wasn't popular as it was a 20-year-old Original Flavor Dallas reference, but it becomes even less relevant now, nearly 35 years on (and no, the new Dallas isn't enough to make it relevant). Come on, Carrie. You're better than this.

 

Then again, maybe it's a retro themed house warming party over at Sam's new pad in the meat-packing district? Charlotte and Miranda seem to be channelling Studio 54 with those halter necklines.

I do like the flirtiness of Miranda's dress though. Unfortunately, the pre-mullet hairstyle brings it back down. 

 

My fave look of the party has to go to Sam though. Look at that dress. It's so Linda Evans in Dynasty, right?

Right (this was totally worth the extra 20 minutes it took for me to get this picture edited to make my point, btw). Luckily, Samantha is decidedly less judgemental than Linda's Dynasty character when Carrie divulges that she slept with Big. Just imaginge the slapfest that would ensue.

 

Still feeling guilty (obvs...) Carrie runs back to Aidan's place to spend the night and manages to have to do the walk of shame in that same awful outfit from the night before. It does not look any better in the light of day.

But what in the world is going on with Aidan's shirt? Sooo hideous. Surely a consignment shop find. Actually, I'm starting to realize that Aidan’s fashion sense may be rubbing off on Carrie. It all makes sense now. Anyway, Aidan’s heading out of town to deliver a chair in that bitchin' truck (the most attractive object in this image), which leaves Carrie to her own devices, and Big demons.


While Carrie’s juggling two men, Samantha is struggling to find one to help her fix her curtain while she’s bedridden with the flu. 

I thought she was wearing the same outfit from the night before as well, but why would she do that in her own apartment? She’s Smantha freakin’ Jones!

 

Twenty blocks over, Charlotte soon-to-be MacDougal is shopping for wedding china with Trey, looking hot as all hell. That’s the Charlotte we know and love.

Rocking a tan headband that perfectly matches her strapless dress, I dare say this pre-dates Blair Waldorf perfection. Too bad this beautiful moment is disrupted by Trey casually slipping her a pre-nup along with his guest list for the engagement party. Subtle, Trey.

 

Charlotte even brings that hotness along with the pre-nup over to lunch with her lawyer (aka Miranda) and Carrie. Miranda looks pretty standard in her blue power suit, and reassures her that the pre-nup is normal in this day and age. Until they find a clause that says Charlotte only gets a percentage of $500,000 for every year that she and Trey are married (if less than 5 years, of course), and a $100,000 bonus for every male child that she may bear. No bonus for girls, btw. NONE.

I’m almost certain that Carrie’s only purpose here is to make witty comments, but at least she’s showered and changed into a pretty little dress with her trademark giant flower. Her hair looks fab, too. Reclaiming your style while Aidan’s away, I see, Ms. Bradshaw.

 

Oh, I take that back. While Carrie’s trying to keep herself distracted by taking inventory of her shoes she seems to be wearing a bathing suit of some sort.

While I approve of the color (kelly green is her friend), I’m not sure why she would change into this to lounge around the house, let alone work on her column.

 

But apparently shoe organizing isn’t enough to distract from her liaison with her ex, and she calls him up to tell him that it’s over.

Whoops. Seriously, Carrie. Aidan just left. Have some self control!

 

Luckily, Miranda’s reticence is at an all-time high when her date heads back to his hotel after an amazing date with her Chicago-based colleague, George.

That dress fits her like a glove, and I’m totally lusting after her wooden bangles. I think we need to have a hair intervention though, you guys. Do you think she lost her styling products since last episode?

 

Yes. That must be it. Although lack of hairstyle is practically mandatory when lounging at home.

Thus begins Miranda’s whole plot line this episode as she partakes in a bout (or five...) of phone-sex with her long-distance paramour. Too bad she’s not the only one sharing steamy calls with George, thus ending this arrangement as quickly as it began.

 

Leaving chez Miranda and heading over to Samantha’s sick cave, we find our resident vixen turning into… Charlotte?

While Carrie’s mixing Sam’s special illness elixir (Fanta and cough syrup…. ugh) in what I can only assume is one of Aidan’s charity store finds, Sam starts a delirious rant in which she claims that if you don’t have a man to share your life with, you don’t have anything. Where has our independent woman gone?

 

Oh, there she is, donning a Marilyn Monroe-esque red halter dress to Charlotte and Trey’s engagement party. Crimson is certainly her color. Glad to have you back, Ms. Jones.

Miranda’s dress, though stunning in color, is completely shapeless. The poor posture and bitchface don’t help matters much. And Carrie seems to be channelling Princess Leia in an old bridesmaid dress. I half expected Ewoks to come in and start braiding her hair (Hi, my name is Lauren, and I’m a Star Wars geek.).

 

Anyway, Charlotte runs over to inform the girls that she managed to up her MacDougal family value to a cool million. Well done, Charlotte, we you knew you had it in you!

But who wouldn’t be confident in such a stunning dress? The color is phenomenal, to start with, but that silohuette flatters her figure like nothing I’ve ever seen. I think it trumps her registry shopping from earlier.

 

The next morning Carrie welcomes home Aidan wearing the most ridiculous thing she’s worn all episode. Shorteralls with nothing but a red bra underneath.

Oh, right, Aidan’s back. Time to pull out the thrift store bargain box! Maybe it’s so Aidan won’t suspect that she’s a mistress on the side. Poor, sweet, naive Aidan.

 

So much so, that he doesn’t even bat an eye when Carrie offers to take his dog out for a walk as a premise to keep Big out of her apartment. At least she’s donning perfectly acceptable weekend wear.

I’m sure she wasn’t expecting to hear Big propose divorcing his wife for her. Yikes! And I’m not just talking about Big’s casual outfit (I’m here all night, folks!).

 

So there you have it: Carrie clearly can’t man-juggle. Maybe she should bring back the Leia hairdo and summon the force:

Sex and the City: Drama Queens

Carrie's in relationship bliss with Aidan, but she feels like something's missing. Oh yeah...all the withholding drama that Big put her through. On the other hand, Miranda and Steve are enjoying a drama-free, maybe a little too comfortable relationship. Samantha hooks up with a doctor who then "hooks" her on taking Viagra before sex. And most importantly, Charlotte, determined to get married this year, decides to approach dating like a serious businesswoman. Cornering her favorite married couple, she demands to be set up with their best bachelor friend. The date goes nothing like she planned, but in the end, she discovers something unexpected and surprising — a real life Prince Charming.


Carrie and Aidan have hit the honeymoon period in their relationship at full speed, but Carrie is having some real trouble enjoying it. "What's wrong with you?" she demands of him. "Why are you still single?"

Carrie, I can answer that for you right now.



This shirt is why he's still single.

This one, too.



Chambray is not your friend, my friend.

 

And do not even get me started on this. Is that a reddish olive green? Me thinks you may actually be color blind, Aidan.





So Carrie is having a bit of an existential crisis, which is pretty much every single episode of SATC, but this one is hilarious because it's so damn meta. Basically, there's nothing wrong with Aidan or their relationship, and she can't stop freaking out because there's LITERALLY NOTHING TO OBSESS OVER.

Carrie frantically sorts through her mail and finds that she hasn't missed so much as a dentist appointment. Wait, she wants us to believe she gets her teeth cleaned on a regular schedule? Okay, if teeth cleanings were Manolo Blahniks, I'd buy that.

She also wants us to believe she wears normal striped v-neck shirts like the rest of us might wear while sorting through our bills. Season 1 Carrie might have, but Season 3 Carrie wouldn't even hear of it.

Much better, darling. Her bun is so sassy it practically has its own area code, and yes, those are the Carrie hoop earrings. Not quite as famous as the Carrie necklace, but in my humble opinion, vastly underrated. Plus, we've got the first of two Dior saddlebags.



That's also some pretty fabulous hair, too. I'm not as sure about the overalls and the Rainbrow Brite shirt, but she gets a free pass because of the Carrie earrings.




She does not get a free pass on her new found obsession with Xena Warrior Princess belts.



Seriously Carrie, you're not Rocky. I get that you're trying to spruce up your simple purple striped top (again!) with that sad little gold lame flower choker, but really it's okay to go outdoors and not accessorize sometimes. Less sometimes is more, sweetie.

 

And then she does it again.

I don't know if she's trying to compensate for some kind of lost relationship mojo, but that belt is out of control. Seriously, this wouldn't look out of place on Gerard Butler in 300. Super cute dress, though. Unfortunately the belt totally overpowers it.


Also have to say I'm not a huge fan of the see-through shirt and black bra trend. It looks better on Carrie than just about anyone else, but I can't help thinking how much better this outfit would look with a cute little cami underneath.



Of course, then it wouldn't be very Carrie, would it? She should really wear blue more often, though. This top and the dress above prove that beyond a shadow of a doubt.

 

Charlotte's on a mission to get married this year. The newest plan is to approach the problem as a professional businesswoman. The dominatrix hair needs to go though.

Seriously, Char, let it breathe a little.

 

I know you've been dating since you were sixteen, and you're still wondering where he is, but interrogating your best couple friends about any nice single friends they have while wearing the world's most staid and boring blue button-up is not the way to go.



You're looking for a husband, not a date to the church social.

 

Dennis and Amy, The Married Friends, agree to set Charlotte up with a date and conveniently, she just so happens to have opera tickets for Saturday night.

Officially, this is why I am not cool as Charlotte York. No random opera tickets for this girl.

 

Charlotte then proceeds to pester Dennis within an inch of his life, attempting to set up this blind opera date. The only saving grace is that we're treated to a pestering montage, in which she looks fabulous in every scene.

The coat is majestic and glorious, and lo and behold, Charlotte looks marvelous in blue. But I have to add that the bag is perhaps a tad too matchy. Still, overall a fab professional businesswoman/potential fiancee ensemble for Charlotte.

Continuing to kill it in this corner with flawless hair and a rocking red sheath dress is Charlotte York, again.

Seriously, someone marry this girl.

 

Unfortunately, Opera Date doesn't come through, so Charlotte takes Carrie instead. I'm not certain if Carrie thought maybe she was a third wheel and didn't want to outshine Charlotte or what, but this is just a whole bunch of nothing.



The fringe is nice and the cleav is out of control, but everything above the neck is just blah. Maybe Carrie is feeling her relationship anxiety with Aidan more than I thought she was.



Charlotte, however, pulls out all the stops like she was really on a date with Dennis' mysterious friend.



I mean, just look at this. Her face is flawless.

That's some Audrey Hepburn realness right there. Charlotte never looks better than she does in black. Thus why in Carrie's wedding, Charlotte wears the black dress of black dresses.


But we're getting a bit ahead of ourselves there. Carrie's still trying to pretend like no drama with Aidan is better than drama with Big.

OH! SPEAKING OF.



Yes, he happens to be at the opera with Natasha, sitting right across from Carrie and Charlotte. Charlotte, you should demand a refund.

 

I'll take this opportunity to point out that commitment bullshit or no, Big would never wear a shirt like this one.

 

But panicking Carrie, afraid that she's scared Aidan away with her own fear, ditches the opera, rethinks her relationship with Aidan, and ends up meeting his parents for brunch.



She's even toned down her taste in belts for the occasion, and her flower pin is neither sad nor adds too much gold lame to her outfit. PLUS! Dior bag #2.

 

Meanwhile, Miranda wouldn't know gold lame if it came up and bit her in the ass.



Why do they insist on putting Miranda in such drab, blah colors? She's made for the primary wheel, guys. Miranda wishes she could wear one of those striped v-necks that Carrie just tosses on to go through her mail or clean the hair out of the drain.



Adding a feminine, skimpy tank underneath the ugliest shirt ever doesn't do much to help because it helps to reveal that was a matching shirt and skirt combination. What did Cynthia Nixon ever do to tick off Pat Field?



And this plain navy dress with khaki coat is just about as bad. Not only did Miranda's boring relationship with Steve sideplot suck this episode, but her clothes were like a literal black hole of ugliness.

 

On to Samantha's weird sexual kink of the week. This time it's Viagra, thanks to a kind doctor hookup who gifts her some.



That's a really cute dress to waste on just some random doctor. Maybe Samantha could have leant it to Miranda. Girlfriend could have used the help this week.

 

Samantha spent much of the rest of the episode unclothed and since we're not that kind of blog, you're spared some of the details. Suffice it to say, the good doctor doesn't last.

Well, he lasts, if you get my drift, but not long enough to stay in Sam's graces.

 

I feel like this must be the shirtless men section of the post, so here's a gratuitous one of Steve in some baggy gray sweatpants.

Hot! I think him and Miranda are about the same level, style-wise, right now. Unfortunately that level is at basement level.

 

After the terrible Opera Date — concluding with Carrie literally running out on her — Charlotte is in a bad place. She calls Dennis one last time to insult him for never setting her up with the blind date he promised. Guilty, he finally agrees to do it.

A pause for a quick poll — we all know what's coming, with Dennis, yes? The reason why he never set her up with his friend?



He's in LUV and wants Char for himself. But Dennis, don't you know that Charlotte's future husband not only has excellent hair, but he's...ya know...single?



I feel so bad for Charlotte. Not only is she sweet and naie, she also wasted this absolutely adorable ensemble (which we actually saw on a previous episode!) on Dennis' non-materializing mystery date. She should rock the boho-side of preppy a lot more often.

 

Of course, Dennis won't take no for an answer, Charlotte runs, nearly gets mowed down by a cab, and voila!



Fate appears in the living, breathing form of Trey McDougall, Charlotte's all-too-real Prince Charming (and his mother, Bunny, but that's for another episode).

Sex and the City: Are We Sluts?

Ah, the question all single women have asked themselves at one point or another. This week, Carrie questions her new relationship with Aidan because he won't sleep with her after a week and a half. Let the overanalyzing begin! Charlotte's new beau has a penchant for calling women bitches and whores at the worst possible time (although, is there ever a good time?), Miranda must compile a list of all the men she has slept with after learning she has chlamydia, and Samantha is forced to move, after the women in her building go all Scarlet Letter on her ass. 

 

It all begins when Carrie returns home from a date with Aidan confused: why didn't he want to come inside?

While Mizz Bradshaw is pondering Aidan's actions, I'm wondering about this outfit. Is that a skirt? A dress? Is it heavy? Does the slit seriously go up to the waist? The hair, jacket, and crossbody say "cute date outfit," but the bottom half of the ensemble screams "hookah bar"...although I do like the beading.

 

Over on Lex, there's been an assault in Samantha's building. As you can see, she is appalled. 

It is unclear whether Sam's face is due to the shock of the assault, the knowledge that it's her fault (seems her late night booty call inadvertantly let in the robber), or the realization that she's wearing an all-yellow pantsuit. My guess is the latter, but I also never wore office wear in the '90's. 

 

Later, the gals pretend to drink orange juice.

Carrie's hair looks fab, and I don't mind the secretary-style blouse, but someone needs to memo Miranda that the days of the turtleneck have come to an end. Unless you live in Alaska, in which case, we would have a completely different show.

 

Perhaps that same memo can also include a section on "when you know it is time to wear a bra" for the other ladies. 

In addition to lacking in the support department, Charlotte's top is a little too reminiscent of an after-school special. Like, our heroine puts on this keyhole/ruffle/halter situation for the sixth grade dance, and suddenly realizes she needs a bra. Cue sappy music, a heartfelt moment with mom, and a shopping montage.

 

The next day, Carrie continues to worry about where her relationship with Aidan is headed, while Miranda reveals she has chlamydia. Just another walk in Central Park, eh ladies?

Perhaps Carrie should spend less time worrying about Aidan and more time picking out her outfits in the morning. Her oversized, powder blue coat is just all shades of wrong as are her ill-fitting button down and outdated pants. Miranda is no better and is sporting what appear to be khaki, ruffle-bottomed pants? NO! BAD PANT CHOICE, BAD!

 

That evening, Charlotte wears some lingerie an itty-bitty dress to go on a date with her flavor of the month — a very nice, very handsome investment banker. Done! Found! Marry him!

Oh, but wait. He has an issue. Shouting "you f*cking bitch, you f*cking whore" while he's, uh, f*cking may be a deterrant. No matter, Char, you're rocking this LBD. Definitely an improvement over the sixth grade brunch outfit.

 

On the other side of Manhattan, THIS is the face you make when you tell your boyfriend (who's afraid of doctors) that you have an STD, and that he needs to be tested. 

 

And THIS is the face you make when you are the boyfriend getting tested. Or maybe Steve just realized he's wearing yet another plaid, short-sleeve button down with way too much undershirt showing?

 

So, part of Miranda's dealings with chlymydia includes compiling a list of all the men she has slept with.

Lest we judge her for sleeping with "guy from deli," Miranda wears a striped, sleeveless turtleneck to distract us from her lengthy list. Nice move, Mir. I totally forgot about your list and am now solely focused on judging that ridiculous top. 

 

Speaking of judging, Samantha's neighbors are totally judging her for sleeping around, which leads to a montage of Samantha and her many men getting frisky in the elevator. Thank you, SATC! We live for montages!

 

And after all that fun, we land on this outfit. Samantha has a great figure, but I don't understand why she insists on dressing in different shades of the same color. Is her closet organized like a rainbow? Is she worried she won't match otherwise?

Color schemes aside, Sam has had enough of the gossip and decides it's time to move...  

 

...to the meatpacking district. Where you can wear white, blue, and black all at the same time, and no one will judge you for sleeping around.

Good morning, ladies! That's some mighty sensible footwear on Trannie #3.

 

While Samantha's getting comfy in her new digs, Carrie gets comfy in what I can only imagine she considers to be "fancy loungewear."

Girl, I'm all for fancy and lounging, but let's call this what it is: a pool cover-up. All it's missing is a swimsuit and a wide-brimmed hat. Look! It even has a shell!

 

As Carrie questions Aidan's motives, he stealthily performs the first of many sweet, kind, and romantic gestures. 

 

"Little person, big tub."

 

Oh man, those necklaces. Makes me wonder if the SATC accessories department wanted to give Aidan an artsy vibe, or if John Corbett has his own penchant for aging hippie jewelry.

 

Despite Carrie's overanazlyzing crazy, she and Aidan eventually seal the deal.

Yay, you did it. Golf claps. I guess you're more than friends, after all. *eye roll*

Sex and the City: No Ifs, Ands or Butts

You'd think with this title there would have been more nudity this week, but sadly for us all, the only butts we see this week are from Carrie's cigarettes as she decides to give up smoking. As with so many of her decisions, this was precipitated by the entrance of a new man in her life: Aidan! Meanwhile Charlotte decides that face-licking is her dealbreaker, Miranda learns that being sniped at by a bitchy girlfriend is Steve's dealbreaker, and Samantha rebrands herself as S-Jo and runs around pretending she's Sammy From the Block. Which is just as cringe-worthy and embarrassing as you expect it to be.

 

Things start out sweetly, with Carrie's voiceover about the magic of first kisses and Charlotte and her dude of the week making sexy eyes at each other. UGH MEMBERS ONLY JACKET. Why do these women have the worst taste in boyfriends? 

Charlotte's hoop earrings seem a little out of character for her, but maybe this is just foreshadowing Samantha's tragically misguided journey to Ghetto Fabulous this week.

 

Also misguided? Charlotte's date's kissing style.

I really, really hope Kristin Davis got bonus pay for this scene.

 

This week in Ladies Sitting Around Pretending They Eat Carbs, Charlotte shares the story of Brad The Bad Kisser over dinner with the girls.

Now, I don't know how much wine they went through during said dinner, but given that the best wisecrack Sam came up with was "Brad? More like Bad!" seems to indicate: quite a lot of wine.

 

Speaking of Ms. Jones, she has seriously got the best shoulders on TV. I can't think of anyone else who could pull off this top with such panache.

And again with the hoop earrings. I suspect she may already kind of wanted to unleash her inner S-Jo, and her new BF just gave her the excuse. 

 

On the other side of the table, Charlotte's in mourning over her latest bad date in this shockingly timeless black lace ensemble:

No sparkles, pink ruffles or Claire's Accessories to be seen? Snaps for Char! Baby's starting to dress like a grown up!

 

Miranda does her best to get a little screentime by serving up her best bitchface combined with a hell of a lot of backcombing. That is a backcomb, right? I don't think they had Bump-Its in 2000.

Hoop earring count: three pairs (six earrings). SO FAR.

 

And now it's Carrie time! Everybody playing the Season 3 SATC drinking game — prepare for the episode's first Big Ass Flower! Wait... where is it?

Is it hiding under her wee scarf choker? Has she hidden it inside of the black bra visible through her sheer red shirt? Or does Carrie... have something up her sleeve? 

DRINK!

 

So anyway, while out for dinner, Samantha's magic vajay sends out its Bat Signal and attracts Shevon (Siobhan? Chevonne?), a super hottie who, oh yeah, happens to be black. Which instantly makes Sam decide he's her Puff Daddy and she's his J-Lo and it's OK for her to dress like this now:

 

OBLIGATORY BORING MIRANDA PLOTLINE INTERLUDE

Blah blah being mean to Steve blah blah sarong blah blah her hair looks better than sometimes?

Girl is wearing an undergrad's makeshift curtain as a skirt. If this isn't a cry for help, I don't know what is.

Maybe this T-shirt?

I get that Miranda's a feminist, but does that mean she has to wear vintage Girl Scout paraphernalia? If you really care about her plotline you'll have to watch the episode because I can't even with Mir this week. 

END OBLIGATORY MIRANDA PLOTLINE INTERLUDE

 

This was a Very Carrie Outfit episode, in that, nothing she wore makes any sense with any other piece. She starts out in these knickers and a wifebeater, accessorized with a cigarette and some great defined curls:

And dammit, I will never stop coveting her super-sweet bachelorette pad with its ginormous walk-in closet and hardwood floors.

 

Stanford (Stanford!) comes by with a 911 Emergency Hot Man Alert, and she throws on a pimp coat and secretary blouse to accompany him to a new artisanal furniture store:

I don't know what hurts my eyes most about this. Stanford's (Stanford!) progressive lenses, C-Brad's Amazing Technicolor Pimp Coat, or the unnecessary pop of midriff.

 

HAHA J/K I think we all know the answer is: the coat is obviously the worst. At first I thought it was like a floor-length duster, but its awkward mid-calf length is somehow even grosser.

Pete the dog clearly mistakes her for some sort of chew toy, which is one of the many reasons Carrie should be careful about running around in vintage clown wear.

 

BUT SO ANYWAY the main reason anybody ever remembers this episode is it marks the entrance of the second great love of C-Brad's life, the man who caused the entire epidemic of elementary school-sized Aidans running around today:

Ugggggghhhhhhh. 

 

I remember really liking Aidan the first time I watched the series, but in re-watching, I have no idea why. He talks in this disjointed stoner way, like he's reading out loud from a Preserve blurb like, "I reclaimed this leather from an old train, sitting here you feel the spirit of the travelers who answered the call of the wild ancestors across our great nation and also my silver rings are freaking enormous, here, touch the leather with me."

Yet somehow, mystifyingly, this makes Carrie, despite writing one very short newspaper column and spending all of her money on estate sales for dead clowns, spend something like $10K to buy a chair she doesn't want.

 

This next screencap is a two for one, because we get to see Charlotte's heinous chin hickey from her date with Brad The Bad Kisser AND this is the precise moment she screams in the middle of brunch "A BIG BLACK COCK! SAY IT! HE HAS A BIG BLACK COCK!"

I really feel the lady behind her, who's like, "Every time I come here for brunch, these same four women sit there and pretend to eat while talking about sex. Can I just eat my eggs in peace for once???"

 

So then, S-Jo has a run-in with her new BF's sister, who doesn't want him dating her. She claims it's because Samantha's white, and that's what Samantha thinks she means, but I'm pretty sure it's because Samantha's Samantha and I wouldn't want her anywhere near my relatives either. Especially in this "dress".

LOOK AT THIS DRESS. This is like J-Lo crossed with Kendall Jenner crossed with granny panties crossed with RuPaul's Drag Race crossed with a bucket of sequins. Frankly, I'd try and shake some sense into her, too.

YOU ARE A GROWN ASS WOMAN! PUT ON SOME REAL CLOTHES!

 

Meanwhile, Carrie decides that her new puka shell necklace wearing crush is worth giving up smoking for, which is probably a good call as it was only a matter of time before she accidentally lit one of her Big Ass Flowers on fire.

 

And then, Carrie takes her Big Ass Flower from day to night with the simple addition of a fairly horrifying rabbit fur bolero:

 

You guys, I don't know if I can handle re-watching the slow motion passive aggressive disintegration of Carrie y Aidan. When she strolled into his shop in her pimp coat I wanted to yell for them both to run for the hills! Save yourselves! Nothing good will come of this!! But as we all know, this is only the beginning of one of the most cringe-worthy, ill-matched relationships in this show's history. I'll be over here, watching with my hands covering my face.

Sex and the City: Boy, Girl, Boy, Girl...

So, this episode we're juggling with gender roles and sexuality (as ever). Carrie snags herself a 20-something bi-sexual man, but has trouble getting beyond his past. Charlotte is asked to pose for a photo dressed as a man, while Sam bumps heads with her bossy new assistant. And poor Miranda struggles to embrace her feminine side when Steve starts spending more and more time in her apartment. Time to let go of your boundary issues, Mir, Steve's a great man.

 

At the latest opening of Charlotte's gallery, the ladies are bringing it, with the obvious exception of Carrie. That oatmeal potato sack has gots to go. Literally the worst color on her, or anyone, ever.

Moving swiftly on, Charlotte is FIERCE in that black column dress. I'm not usually a fan of cap sleeves or high necked dresses, but they're perfect on the tiny hourglass figure of hers. Miranda is also stunning tonight, and I'm dying over that bib necklace. WANT. Sam has pulled another pencil skirt from her vast collection and pairs it with a short sleeved blazer and a clutch that I need to have. Like I said, they brought it.

 

Ah, Now I see why Carrie wore that awful dress: she was off to meet her 20-something boy toy for a lap around the rink.

Not super appropriate for ice skating either, but it matches Sean's schubbiness perfectly. We get it, you're young. Too young for our main lady maybe, as he reveals that one of his last serious relationships was with a guy. So scandalous for 2000!

 

At their trademark brunch the next morning, Sam utters the infamous line "I'm try-sexual, I'll try anything once." Genius. And she looks fab in a cerulean long-sleeved tee. Sam Jones is the master of simplicity.

Charlotte sticks to her blacks in a plain turtleneck, but she kills it with that leather headband (you know how we love a good headband around here). I only wish the frizz was gone, but I suppose we can't have it all.

 

The color of Mir's Shirt is amazing against that ginger mane, but the cut is awful. Stick to v-necks (see above). They love you.

And Carrie is doing her best impression of the Empire State Building, from what I can tell. This Art Deco monstrosity would be a million times better if it actually fit her. And maybe if her hair wasn't so cray? C'mon Carrie, you can do better.

 

Like this. This is some luxe loungewear. The black tank is pretty standard (aka, something I wear everyday), and she can have the crazy hair when she's lounging. Lauren approved.

Those purple sweats with the rhinestones were so popular back in the day, but what better to wear while contemplating gender roles and sexual ambiguity? Such a heady topic certainly warrants some irresistably comfy clothes. I def had a pair of these pants, though mine probably had something written across the butt...far less classy than these.

 

While Carrie works in her sweats, Charlotte is totes profesh in a basic white top and gorgeous a-line skirt. Can you spot the little lipstick print on the skirt? Squeeeee!

Those pumps are killer, too. I wish I could really see them, but I'd like to imagine that they're grey snakeskin, so we'll say that. While she's killing it in this superfemme outfit, her artist in residence, Baird, pops by to ask Charlotte to pose for him...as a man.

 

As Charlotte types away on her old school Mac iBook and worries about dressing as a man, Carrie very awkwardly grills her boy toy, vis-a-vis the whole bisexual thing.

Clubs are dark, and therefore hard to get good snaps of, so, sorry about that. Carrie seems to be sticking to her 1980's meets 1920's theme with a black and gold glittery sweater, and she's drinking a beer to fit in with the kids. Sean's wearing a shirt straight out of a spaghetti western. Was that ever trendy? I guess it doesn't matter when you're so adorable.

 

So not adorable? Sam's new brash assistant. While Ms. Jones is usually the one who wears the pants in her office, she's decided to battle her new assistant dressed like a watermelon!

I'm not sure about the pink leather biker jacket, with matching cami, and lime green pencil skirt. Individually, maybe. I might try and trademark that vast skirt collection thing, though. Kinda like Jess' pajama wardrobe over on New Girl.

 

Speaking of sleepwear, Miranda's is getting some mad props from me today. Look at that color! Stunning. 

And peep the way that slip hugs her bod. Ugh, I'll get over it, promise. And hopefully Miranda gets over her cohabitating issues with Steve. I get it girl, guys are slobs.

 

But she trys to channel her inner goddess anyway, and drags Carrie along to a belly dancing class, which the girls promptly ditch after being instructed to let said inner goddesses soar. No thanks. Miranda's a bit blah in her workout gear and duster coat, but I didn't expect much else, to be honest.

Carrie, on the other hand, reminds me of an Olivia Newton John video. She's got her 80s vibe down and is sticking to it! I do love that top knot, though. It's the first time her hair hasn't looked like a bird's nest all ep. 

 

On the opposite end of the spectrum, Charlotte needs a bigger sock when she butches up for her photoshoot with Baird. She still looks so feminine to me, you guys.

 

That pink shirt on the artiste is pretty feminine, too. Don't get me wrong, I totally believe that real men wear pink, but that shirt is all stripes and ombre, and looks like it came right out of Charlotte's closet.

Maybe they traded clothes?

 

Meanwhile, back at chez Miranda, our fave redhead is still trying to play the doting woman, making a homecooked meal. Somehow.

Her shoes are amazing, but I'm totally crushing on Steve here. That mustard cardi is adorable, and he's always so infinitely patient with our stubborn girl. LUV. HIM.

 

Don't love Mr. Smart-ass assistant to Ms. Jones, though. But on the plus side, she fires him and gets a little office nookie. I'll bet that wasn't mentioned in his benefits package when he signed on. Doesn't get much better than that!

Except maybe Sam in that LRD (little red dress). I have to say, the woman knows what she looks good in...and I've said it before, she rocks minimal like no one else.

 

But our prim and proper lady, Charlotte, can werk some minimalism, too, as seen in this gorge forest green silk nightie.

Her beautiful shiny hair is back, too. Finally looking age appropriate, Charlotte. Golf claps from me.

 

While Char admires her manly makeover, Carrie rounds up her week of weird with a party at Sean's ex-boyfriend's place. Obvs.

Look! There's the ex-boyfriend with the baby and his husband, and Alanis Morisette (the ex-boyfriend's husband's ex-wife) and her new wife. Did you get all that?

 

No matter, it's time to warp back to 8th grade with a classic game of bisexual spin the bottle. As you do, at an adult party.

Sean actually looks pretty standard in a bright red sweater, and Carrie would look pretty classic if it wasn't for those Wonder Woman boots. And she had to climb five flights of stairs! I do like her trademark flower neatly pinned to that one-shouldered dress, though.

 

Carrie runs back down those five flights of stairs after an awkward kiss from Alanis (what a random cameo, eh?), and decides that she can't handle this cuh-razy, sexually ambiguous twenty-something lifestyle (hello, dated plot).

I mean, who runs away from a party after getting a smooch from Alanis Morisette? WHO? Carrie Bradshaw, c. 2000, that's who.

 

Sex and the City: Attack of the Five-Foot-Ten Woman

Oh, the year 2000. Pixelated Pokemon battled on Gameboy Colors. Harry Potter was competing in the Triwizard Tournament. Nobody knew what a Justin Bieber was. It was a magical moment in history that I shortly relived while watching the third episode of the third season of Sex and the City.
    *Inhales cigarette smoke*
    *Exhales cigarette smoke*
And then I thought…Y2OK, let’s start this recap.

 

We open with the ladies coming together for their Sunday ritual: brunch and bitching. Charlotte pours over the New York Times wedding announcements, lamenting the nuptials of young twenty-something couples. After spitting on Susan B. Anthony’s grave and ripping up a picture of Rosie the Riveter, Ms. York moans she’s now doomed to an unfulfilled life as a withering spinster because a 27-year-old woman got married before her.

While perusing this strange, archaic, oversized paper carrying news, Charlotte stumbles upon — quelle horreur! — the wedding announcement of Big and Natasha, Carrie’s former flame and his new model wife!

Returning to her apartment wearing pants made out of a picnic blanket, Carrie finally reads the details of their wedding, and breaks down.

"She’s shiny hair, style section Vera Wang. And I’m…the sex column you run next to ads for penile implants," Carrie wails, tears streaming down her hollow cheeks. What she doesn’t realize is that it could be SO much worse. The woman who writes the sex column next to ads for silicone ass injections really has it rough.

 

During a trip to the dressing room that sadly didn’t turn into a fashion montage, Carrie and Miranda run into Natasha, radiant with her aforementioned shiny hair. And! Bitch is even wearing a flowing white dress, just to remind Carrie, et al: NATASHA IS A NEW BRIDE. We get it, Patricia Field. Thanks.

 

Carrie, looking less like a bride and more like a personified walk of shame, attempts to impress Natasha by agreeing to attend the Women in the Arts luncheon she's co-chairing. Unless Carrie does some finger-painting on the side, I have no idea how the penile implants chick even scored an invite to this event. But she's determined to look good in front of Big's new wife, so she’s going. Oh, and because of charity too? Maybe?

 

Later that night while still sporting the walk of shame look, Carrie has her thought of the episode. While click-clacking away on her Mac, she stares blankly up to the heavens and asks, "are there women in New York who exist just to make us feel bad about ourselves?"

The answer is yes, and I can think of two: Anna Wintour and the Statue of Liberty.

 

And here's one more: Magda, Miranda’s loveable old cleaning woman. Hi, Magda! Get comfortable, because you're going to be around for three more seasons, and at least one movie. Miranda becomes increasingly upset at Magda for pushing her old-fashioned traditions, including rolling pins, tea, misogyny, and rose-colored smock shirts.

 

 

The issues come to a head when Magda discovers Big Red's "goodie drawer," containing all of her sex paraphernalia. Now let me just say, this drawer is lame, and leads me to believe Miranda is keeping the rest of her "goodies" in a secret sex dungeon. Didn't Magda discover that in season 5?

After cleaning the drawer out and encouraging Miranda to pleasure herself with a Virgin Mary statue, the two have it out. Ultimately Magda accepts Miranda’s modern dildo-using lifestyle, and a beautiful friendship is born.

 

Charlotte Hates Her Thighs; another subplot for the episode. While visiting a spa, the gals decide to take a steam. There were so many scenes in the steam room this episode that I saw more boobs than a man writing for a fashion blog ever needs to see. Carrie, Miranda, and Samantha all get naked, giving me feelings I will be discussing with my therapist next week.

 

Charlotte, however, refused to take her towel off because she hates herself. More importantly, the woman behind her in the steam room was wearing a toe ring. A TOE RING. How I miss the 2000s.

 

Sidenote: While at the spa, Samantha did this.

So that's how you get banned from Helena Rubinstein. Noted.

 

Charlotte and Carrie meet for lunch, where Charlotte starts to open up about her self-esteem issues, but then Carrie's all "Enough about your actual problems, LOOK AT MY SHOES!" These new kicks she bought for the Women in the Arts luncheon were designed by Skittles, I guess? They're sure to make Natasha jealous of Carrie and what she had with Big.

 

After running through a tornado to do her hair, Carrie arrives at the Women in the Arts event with Samantha. Carrie's red dress is stunning, and Ms. Jones looks equally beautiful in a classic black and white ensemble. The two have absolutely no interest in women or the arts, and instead use their energy to scope out Natasha. After discovering that she’s sick and won’t be attending, C&S lose what was left of their minimal interest in this charity, and get hammered. Mother Theresa who?

 

Samantha enlists a walking Hostess Snowball and former classmate of Natasha's to tell Carrie about the time Mrs. Big gained 10 pounds in college. Yes, because laughing at a woman’s weight will certainly solve the problem.

After the luncheon, Carrie finally realizes that Natasha should have absolutely no influence on how she feels about herself. Ladies and gentlemen, we have growth!!!

 

And yet, maybe not. While wearing the ugliest flip flops I’ve ever seen to lounge around her apartment, Carrie receives a thank you note for attending the luncheon. It seems that Mrs. Big wrote "their" instead of "there," and Carrie immediately calls Miranda to mock Natasha's stupidity.

Never change, Sex and the City. Never change.

Sex and the City: Politically Erect

It’s another episode with guest star Roger Sterling John Slattery! Carrie explores the possibility of being a politician’s wife, Charlotte throws a “left-over” singles mixer party (an idea I never found offensive unless you’re not telling them why you’re there, right Sam?), Miranda and Steve try to get closer, and Samantha wears too many fur coats and dates a shorter guy. Also, she utters the immortal line “I don’t believe in the Democratic party or the Republican party. I just believe in parties.” Speaking as a Canadian who follows American politics but has no voting rights there, I hear you.

 

Let’s plot the trajectory of Carrie’s hypothetical rise to becoming Evita Peron Nancy Reagan Jackie Kennedy. She's dating not-Roger-Sterling and he's clearly into her, so she fancies herself as a future politico's wife. You can try on the role for size, but the truly important measure of how to determine if you can become a politician’s wife is to judge the clothes you wear, right? Let’s start. (Bear in mind that this episode aired in 2000, well before Michelle Obama became the coolest First Lady anywhere on planet Earth/recorded history.)

First off, Carrie says she’s going for a Jackie Kennedy look:

It’s Jackie alright, but it’s been updated for the 70s thanks to the stunning vintage Halston A-line dress, minimal jewelry and blowout. I imagine it’s what Jackie wore to Studio 54 to hang out with Bianca Jagger. It’s easily the best look on this week’s episode and, given that this was the opening shot, it went sadly downhill from there.

 

At a campaign event, she wears one of her trademark giant flowers:

Sorry Carrie, but it’s a political fundraiser and the candidate is the star. A giant flower like that makes it about you. Unless of course the first lady vibe you’re going for is Imelda Marcos, then you can wear something garish and costume-y all you like. This otherwise belongs at drag queen bingo.

 

Digging back to the 70s, Carrie tries on another vintage number, this time a pale blue pantsuit with striped scarf:

Almost everything here works. It’s tailored so it fits her well. The scarf-blouse hybrid is to kill for, and if she was doing an homage to political figures, I would say it hews closest to Jane Fonda in the 70s, at her most controversial. Unfortunately for Carrie, her hair makes it look like she’s growing out a bad dye job. Almost had it! And this shot shows why Miranda would end up with Steve, because she's clearly wearing his 1998-era cargo trousers, trenchcoat AND chunky turtleneck all at once. Taken out of context, they're power lesbians on their way to the Dinah Shore Ladies' Golf Classic weekend.

 

Let's have a closer look at the blouse:

It's indeed patriotic, if a bit on the nose.

 

Then we’ve got the three ladies at another fundraiser, looking all kinds of wrong:

Carrie’s wearing a plum version of her infamous “naked dress” from the pilot, topped with…another giant flower. Sadly, the garnish (it looks like she bought a pile of cilantro and dipped it in paint) makes the dress barely passable. Charlotte’s LBD is more acceptable but…yawn. Let’s not discuss why her hair is halfway to Amy Winehouse. And finally, Samantha is sporting a velour tracksuit from the J. Lo/Bennifer v1.0 era. While I like the exaggerated Elvira-esque collar threatening to devour her shoulders, it’s not what one wears to a political fundraiser.

 

No, you wear something like THIS. You know, we never quite give Stanford enough credit for his creative tie-and-shirt combos. Check out this pink shirt with checkerboard print.

I'm wearing that to work tomorrow.

 

Later that night, the fundraiser a success, Roger whispers the words every lady wants to hear:

"Will you pee on me?"

 

Record scratch. Yes, we've found Roger's flaw! Obviously, this requies a postmortem with The Girls, where Charlotte rocked a blood-red Mao-inspired blazer and dark top. Char, you're so "edgy Manhattan art dealer" today.

Miranda is blending in with the tourists...or she borrowed yet another outfit from Steve. She does make for a nice color contrast to Samantha, in this stunning aqua blue coat.

It’s the Jetsons by way of Wicked. I swear Judy Jetson wore a futuristic cape just like this on an episode once. Too bad about Carrie and her fur. I mentioned before how it made her look like Raisa Gorbachev, but now the analogy is actually spot-on given the political angle of this episode.

 

While we’re on fur, I must ask Samantha: why so many furs this week? Is it really that cold in New York during what seems to be late September? Discount at the fur coat outlets just past the turnpike? Here’s the breakdown:

The leopard one with sunglasses and crimped hair recalls another early 00s sitcom character: Karen Walker. They could be twinsies! (OMG I’m picturing an episode where Karen meets Samantha in my head and it is AWESOME.) As for Charlotte, she clearly learned her fashion tips from the power lesbians in season two, and never stopped dressing as Ally Sheedy in High Art.

Here it is again:

Sorry Sam, I’m not into fur. If you can judge your date’s height and for buying stuff in the boys’ department (they fit him better and he saves on retail price and tailoring, what’s the big deal??), then we can judge you for wearing fur. I’m hoping it’s faux. And sizism doesn't look good on anyone. I bet if we caught Samantha Jones running into Peter Dinklage these days you know she'd make him wear Tyrion Lannister's armor in some sort of Game of Thrones style role-play.

 

And finally here is another fur, but thankfully not the leopard one over top of the red dress.

With the hair piled on her head, she is Patsy Stone Ivana Trump. What, Ivana never got to be First Lady? Too bad because I would love to have seen that.

 

And there's what she wore when she met her new fellow:

While we never see a clear body shot, clearly she was rocking Prince's stage costume. In related news, Purple Rain's 30th anniversary was last week. What what??

 

If all else fails experiment-wise, Samantha did knock it out of the park in a red-hot cocktail dress with spaghetti straps.

BTW, meet her new beaux, Short Man. That's what you get for hitting on a man when he's sitting down, Sam. But it turns out Short Man is sassy and funny, and Sam likes sassy and funny. She even kept him around for two weeks — a veritable long-term relationship for Miss Jones.

 

 

At the aforementioned fundraiser, Charlotte met an attractive man who turned out to be engaged. All was not lost, as he gave her the idea to throw a singles party where everyone brings someone they're not interetsed in dating. Genius! If you'll recall, this is The Year Char Will Get Married, and so she threw herself into the task with near-political fervor (the top campaign issue being finding a Mr. Charlotte York). Given the paramount task, I'm unsure what Charlotte is wearing here.

Is she...a figure skater? This billowy-sleeved, sheer black top over a white sparkly tube top says Michelle Kwan (speaking of political wives). No wonder she didn't meet anyone that night at her party. Too busy looking for that extra point for her triple toe loop jump.

 

I'm not sure what Carrie's doing at the party in her black top with bronze not-sleeves, as she's in contented (?) coupledom with Roger, seen here at an Indian restaurant. Pink and orange is always a happy combination, although she looks a bit like a teenage girl out on a date with her dad.

No, really. Did she buy this neck situation at Claire's?

 

In the end, Carrie decides not to keep seeing the politician and instead writes a blind riddle in her column about a politico who likes water sports. DEAL. BREAKER. Look at her right hand about to hit the "send" key in satisfaction.

Carrie's in an adorable baby doll top, in her natural element. I still think she should revisit the pantsuit and Jackie Kennedy-in-the-70s look — that Halston was a keeper. And Carrie did what she did best, which reflects the truest deepest darkest soul of politics: gossip. In that regard, Carrie is a true patriot.

Sex and the City: Where There's Smoke...

After yet another horrible breakup with Big, Carrie and the girls start the New Year fresh by heading to Staten Island to judge the annual firefighters calender competition. There, Carrie meets fellow judge and aspiring politician, Bill (aka ROGER FREAKING STERLING), who tries to pick her up despite Carrie's low mood. Samantha nails a hot fireman, only to discover later that the fantasy doesn't always live up to reality. Charlotte utters the classic SATC line "I've been dating since fifteen. WHERE IS HE?" and subsequently attacks the New York singles scene like it's The Hunger Games, only to find a Cato, when she's really looking for a Peeta. Miranda refuses to believe being in a relationship is better than being single, even when Steve is freaking adorable and takes care of her after her Lasik surgery. Finally, the most important question of all: will Carrie stay stuck on Big or move on with Roger Sterling?

 

Some of the most fun SATC episodes happen when the girls step out of their comfort zones — i.e., when Carrie and Samantha take the train to LA, when the girls go to the baby shower in Connecticut, etc. In the season three opener, Carrie and Co. not only leave Manhattan, they take the ferry to Staten Island so Bradshaw can judge the Firemen Calender Contest. As you do. The "contest" consists of hot men stripping their clothes off and the emcee saying very awesome, very dirty puns. Pretty much the pinnacle of everything ever on SATC.



BAM. You're freaking welcome. I feel like I could just drop my microphone and stop the recap there, but there's more Staten Island-inspired fashion to slog through, so let's get cracking.



The group rocks some pretty killer outerwear on the ferry.

Observe: big 80's hair and pastel makeup. I guess Carrie's trying to blend in with the natives?

 

Charlotte dons a more typical, more restrained pastel.

 

While Samantha goes for (surprise, surprise), red.



I'm afraid this goes a little too Tickle Me Elmo for my tastes. If you're going to wear fur, it shouldn't ever be a primary color.

 

No, fur should remain a natural color, as seen on Miranda. This is so unlike her, especially for these first seasons. Please, Miranda, never again with the awful overalls I've had to recap at least once.





Carrie wears a very...interesting getup for the contest.



From the front, this seems criminally simple for our favorite weirdo dresser. But of course, Carrie puts her own spin on the normal shirt-and-pants combo.



Yeah, I'm not sure what this is, either. It looks like one of those towels you could button over your oven door handle. You know, the ones that your grandmother used to knit and are permanent garage sale staples? When someone uses the phrase "garage sale" in a description of your garments, that's never a good sign.

 

But apparently Roger Sterling, aka Bill the Hot Politican, isn't deterred.



A fellow judge in the contest, he buys Carrie a beer and tries the whole "oh, what's your address for you know, political reasons." Roger, Carrie's been around the block a time or two — you're going to have to work a little harder for her vote. But he gets mine for his light blue shirt and dark maroon tie, an underrated combination that he works to perfection. Plus, patriotic! So good for marketing!

 

As the party gets cranking, Miranda takes off her bitchin' coat, only to reveal a whole bunch of snore underneath.



Black pants, black top. A little bling with the dangly gold necklace, but if I'm more interested in her purse strap than her actual clothing. Miranda, I'm going to have to send you back to the "doesn't care what she wears" corner.

 

Charlotte gets wasted on Staten Island iced teas, which are apparently pure booze.



Here's wild, crazy, drunk Charlotte. Yes, she is still wearing a white zip up type of jacket that is neither wild, crazy, nor (unfortunately) drunk.

 

Samantha is typically over-dressed.



Of course, it's Samantha. She probably feels over-dressed anytime she's not naked. Honestly I don't really love this green top; it does kind of unpleasant things to her bust, but the bronze skirt fits her well and has got a great texture to it. I'm pretending not to notice the weird red cuff or the gold bangle she's wearing around her bicep. This ain't a toga party, Sam.

 

Of course, it could be a toga party, and these two geniuses wouldn't know the difference.





The fireman Samantha approaches makes Bill the Hot Politican look like George W, but he's got killer biceps and apparently rocks her world that night. To each her own, right?




The next morning, the group meets to break down Samantha's wild and fiery night. Amusingly, it's Carrie who looks like she got her world rocked the night before.



Girl, you're doing the hobo chic thing a little too much. Tone it down.

 

Perhaps she should have gone home with Hot Politician, because apparently in the SATC universe, sex has restorative powers. Samantha is drop dead gorgeous.

Seriously, I can't remember her ever looking more beautiful on this show. Goes to show that she doesn't need those overly complicated outfits — just a crisp white shirt and some retro bombshell curls. And Hot Fireman.

 

Miranda is back in another boring outfit, but at least her hair's got great body?



Well, maybe I'm a being a bit harsh. That turquoise looks fantastic on her and does great things for her eyes.

 

Anyway, we're now at the scene of Charlotte's aforementioned famous line: "I've been dating since I was fifteen, where is he?" In my humble opinion, the definitive scene in Sex and the City, where the girls debate if they need a man to rescue them, or if they're supposed to rescue themselves. This discussion isn't resolved in this episode because we've all seen the series and we know that there will be three more seasons, a decent movie, a shitty movie, several prequel books, and a now-canceled prequel TV series.



So yeah, they're going to keep debating this point. Also: if I looked like this hungover, I'd be drunk every day of my life.

Charlotte is very definitely in the "need a man to rescue me" camp, and goes on a fierce manhunt for her white knight. Of course, on a search this important you need a great wingman, and Carrie fills in.



She even does great wingman duty by dressing down. Also by pinning a huge brown flower to her pleather jacket. Charlotte's super grateful, Carrie.

 

Not that Char is a slouch by any means. This dress is killer and Charlotte's hair is so good I think she must have sacrificed some bump-its to the hair gods.

 

Unfortunately, all Charlotte does is attract negative attention, before she is literally rescued by Arthur, who punches out a rival, overly-aggresive suitor.



This is Arthur. He's supposed to be some hot investment banker. I think the ladies and I have a very different definition of hot. He's...alright? I guess? In his defense, blonds aren't typically my thing, but I'm finding it hard to believe he's anyone's thing.

 

Charlotte, on the other hand, is naturally smitten and they go on their first date.



Yeah, that's still a no. He's borrowing one too many of Nate's blue sweaters from Gossip Girl.

 

It's no matter to Charlotte, who presses on in this cute, gray top with flirty, ruffled sleeves and neckline. A flawless first date choice. However, Arthur isn't a flawless first date. Turns out his rescue tendencies aren't a result of his gentlemanly honor, but more of an anger-problem type scenario.

See ya, Arthur.



Miranda, being Miranda, decides to rescue herself, and makes a Lasik appointment. Did we know Miranda had bad eyes? Did she ever wear glasses before this episode?



All business, that Miranda. Also one step forward, two steps back. I understand lawyers are serious people and dress accordingly, but does her work attire have to be so snooze-worthy?


Steve — you know, the cute-as-a-button bartender who's been hanging around like an adorable puppy? — offers to help Miranda after her surgery, and even after she turns him down, shows up to help her anyway.

Seriously a winner. Anyone who rocks a jean jacket this decisively couldn't be anything else.

 

So while Miranda's leaning on Steve, Samantha is vicariously living her fireman fantasy. Time for Chapter 2: Rockin' The Fire Engine!



Yeah, blue leopard print, topped with a Muppet, is exactly what I'd wear to a firehouse too. Samantha, don't ever change.

 

Naturally, this whole encounter goes badly. Starting with this:

Moving on to this...

And ending with Samantha naked and alone in the firehouse, as the firemen race off to an actual fire. See ya, Hot Fireman.



And what of Carrie and Hot Politician? It seems Bill won't take Carrie's no for an answer, and shows up at her doorstep. For political reasons, of course.



Sporting some hot blue-on-blue action. Go get it, Roger Sterling.

 

That is some fur coat. It's impressive, and I know it's one of her signature pieces, but it falls a little too far to the tacky end of the spectrum for my taste. Carrie definitely took her turn with the Charlotte's gods though, because that's a seriously great bun she's got. She actually looks really pretty here, despite the fur coat.

 

So Bill the Hot Politician wants Carrie to go out with him, specifically to a schmoozing dinner at the Capri restaurant back on Staten Island. She says no, he says he'll come by anyway, she still says no, but of course, she ends up dressing up anyway. Because despite her bad breakup with Big, we all know she's dying to go. I mean, it's Roger Sterling! Of COURSE wants to go!

Carrie's wearing a pretty subdued dress for the occasion. I'd like to point out to Samantha that she's wearing a bracelet as a bracelet. And she tops it off with this dreamy white coat, seen earlier on the ferry. I think those are feathers?

Seriously, how many statement coats does this girl own?

 

So does she end up meeting Hot Bill?



She does! You know you can't say no to that face. But maybe to that tie.

And so begins Roger's mini-arc. See ya next episode, Hot Politician!

Sex and the City: Ex and the City

For the season finale with our fav Manhattan ladies, the great debate is: Can we be friends with our exes? Miranda and Steve reunite only to become friends-with-benefits and Charlotte wants to reunite with her first love, horseback riding (not a super interesting storyline for Char this week). Carrie speaks to Big for the first time since the break-up only to find out that he's engaged to Natasha (ouch!) and creates a HUGE scene in the middle of a restaurant. Samantha isn't friends with any of her exes (non-shocker), but meets a new man that is far too well endowed for her... who would have thought?

 

Miranda looks bored helping Carrie pick out flowers. I'd be bored too if I was wearing that awful dress. I'm not sure there's anything good about it, I'm just going to gloss right over it.

Carrie's kinda blah today too in her pink cami and pale yellow capri pants, but her bag is to die for. WANT. At least their outfits are good for running, because Miranda spots Steve heading towards them and they bolt like teenagers.

 

Okay, so the color of Mir's dress is better close up. Maybe if it was just a top? I don't know. I give up.

Loving Charlotte's dress though. Pretty, summery and appropriate for someone her age. Huzzah!

 

But apparently 1 of the 4 needs to be dressed like a child, as I'm pretty sure I had Carrie's tank circa 1994 (That would have made me 11, thank you).

Sam's top is so classy and basically what she should have been wearing in the Hamptons last week. Amazing accesorizing, too — I wish we could see what's under the table. Is it a dress or is it a top? Either way, it's a win for Samantha.

 

Miranda's chilling at home in almost exactly what I wear every day. Add 5 more biscotti and a blonde wig and you've got me down.

Steve drops by in a standard hunter green tee looking adorable, and he and Miranda say the word "shitty" so many times that it becomes uncomfortable. Like when you say anything too many times. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. Bowl. See? Weird.

 

Anyway, after that little reunion, we cut to Samantha looking hot as all hell in a little red dress.

No wonder she catches the eye of nearly every man she passes.

 

Meanwhile, Carrie musters up the courage to call Big and try to be friends. It's all very awkward on Carrie's end, and she's donning the same white cami that I swear she wears at least once every week. Today, she pairs it with a shimmery pink skirt that is obviously what a normal person wears to lounge around the house. 

Big is cool, calm and collected in a standard white button-down and a stunning olive tie — what a great color on him. Lunch? Yeah, that can only go well for the toxic twosome.

 

At their non-date, Big looks polished and business-like, as per usual. Too bad he's a big ball of nerves for some reason... Oh, yeah, he's telling Carrie that he's engaged to his 20-something girlfriend of 5 seconds, Natasha. Snap!

At least Carrie is dressed to kill in this pale pink sheath. The cut and fit are absolutely fantastic and perfect to show Big she's totally over him. At least, until she freaks out and causes a huge scene in the middle of a fancy restaurant. 

 

After such a slap in the face, Carrie turns to her friends for a bitching session. Unfortch, her style sense is suffering in this get-up. The jeans are fine, but that top. Ugh, that top. Is she planning on picking up he next date on the street corner? Red leather, corset back? No. Just, no.

And it's intervention time for Charlotte and these soccer Mom jeans. You were dressing like a tween, and that was bad. You started to bring it around, and we were all excited, but now we're getting the sads again as you're looking like a mid-life crisis. Reel it back in, dear. We're only telling you this because we care.

 

In the meantime, Samantha ends her date with her well-endowed companion in the only way she knows how.

Posing sensuously in a color coordinated coral outfit, of course! She must own a pencil skirt in every color under the sun, no? 

 

She also owns a sexy leopard print dress, and the ability to pull it off like no one I've ever seen. Minimal accesorizing is the key here, I think. 

Carrie's dress, on the other hand, gets a meh from me. The fit's all wrong, but at least she's not wearing pink for the first time this episode.

 

And as it turns out, Miranda and Steve are pretty great at being friends... until they sleep together. 

They're pretty good at color coordinating their outfts, too. As I have mentioned before, I don't like short-sleeved button-downs at all, but Steve looks pertty great in burgandy, and so does Mir. The pattern in the dress is a little weird... like flat mohair(?), but props for the fit and shape. 

 

Oh hey, Charlotte's in this episode, too, you guys! 

Gamely taking on this week's Miranda-style terrible plotline, Char gets to bond with a new equestrian bestie. This outfit is something I'm pretty sure she had sitting in her closet — riding boots and trousers, with a plain white tee. It looks fab on her, and is obviously appropriate for the occasion, but the highwaisted khakis make this look a little old. We're getting back on track, though.

 

In the meantime, Big calls Carrie to apologize, and Carrie reciprocates in a decidedly mature manner. While going through her mail she wears some sort of pink (shock!) kimono. Is it a robe, is it a blouse? Who's to say?

I'm not totally hating it, but the sleeves would annoy the hell out of me. As would an invitation to an engagement party for my ex and his 20-something fiancee. I love how she pushes it of the bed with her foot like it's a dead mouse.

 

Miranda finally comes to the realization that Big is Carrie's "Hubbell" from The Way We Were (one of my all time favorites, btw), and she's totally right. Cue the spontaneous rendition of the theme song.

Miranda seems to be blending into her bar stool, but Sam's pulled another colorful pencil skirt from her collection for a lovely lavender tone-on-tone look. Charlotte seems to be wearing some sort of slip dress, I assume to counteract the school marm look she's been going for throughout the episode.

 

And Barbra Carrie's rocking a simple white dress and fabulous hair. 

So glad after a season of highs and lows, she ends with a gorgeous head of hair. Perfect for sauntering over to Big and finally letting him go. (SPOILER: Until the next like 17 times they get together and break up again).

 

It's hard to let a fine man like this go, am I right? Excellent tan suit and navy tie combo. I'm not sure how she could resist.

"Your girl is lovely, Hubbell." Memories, like the corners of my mind, misty water-colored memories, of the way we were... 

Whoah, sorry, I drifted up there.

So that's it for the season, kids! Is Big really leaving us for good? Is Steve back in our lives? One thing's for sure, Charlotte needs to go shopping and I'm free for a spree!

 

Sex and the City: Twenty-Something Girls vs. Thirty-Something Women

This week, the girls get a blast from the past, re-living their twenties in a shared house in the Hamptons. To our disappointment, they didn't run into flashback Victoria Grayson hooking up with flashback David Clarke, but oh well. The ladies begin to feel their real thirty-something selves (*cough* Sam *cough*) when the twenty-something gals in their lives start to annoy the eff out of them. Carrie meets her number one fan at a kegger on the beach, who proceeds to follow her around like a puppy dog bringing her cosmopolitans - awesome, right? Samantha's assistant quits and takes her Rolodex (remember those?). Charlotte has some Summer Lovin' with a younger guy who eventually gives her crabs (I realize this is the beach but EW). Miranda continues her wild and crazy storylines and *gasp* goes grocery shopping and cooks dinner. 

 

Carrie contemplates the pros and cons of being in your twenties vs. your thirties in her farmhouse on the prairie:

Oh no wait, she's just in her apartment. This dress is not really her style, though fresh and cute for summer. I guess it's sorta grunge, and she was probably 20-something during that movement, so maybe it works with this week's theme.

 

Over eggs and guilt, Charlotte suggests the girls to accompany her to The Hamps. The other ladies are less than impressed with this idea.

The pattern on Carrie's dress is like a Rorshach test. Don't know about you, but I'm seeing a pair of lips mouthing the word "no".

Sam and Mir are both sporting plain tanks - what a snooze. I do love the colors on each of them, though. 

The shocker of the scene is that Charlotte is dressed like a grown woman for a change. Loving the low neckline on this red and pink halter as she's being all "What do you mean you don't want to go to the Hamptons?! We might meet our future Doctor husbands there!"

 

Later, Sam looks grown-up too, although I can't tell if that's because of the gorg suit or the lecture she's giving her stupid assistant:

Very chic. Only Sam could wear an all-white suit and a) not get any stains on it, or b) not look like a whale.

However, I'm concerned about the back of her jacket - it looks like someone's dog took a big bite out of it.

Perhaps she prepped for her beach weekend by swimming with sharks?

 

And damn, Sam is looking hot in this coral jumpsuit en route to the Hamptons Jitney ( a.k.a. the future site of Serena and Dan's scandalous hook-up on GG). And Carrie? Girl, I like the top but those pants are not doing anything for you. Just because you're going to the shore doesn't mean you need to wear clam-diggers. Also, Miranda looks like she's going gardening. For the little we see her this week, maybe that's what she did. We'll never know.

Gotta love their fab luggage, though - particularly Care-bear's gorg Fendi purse.

Oh, and if you thought the front of Sam's outfit was awesome - check out the back!

Criss-cross straps with a bow? I think you should take weekend trips MUCH more often because your traveling clothes are clearly adorbs.

 

Sam keeps up her perfect vacation fashion track record later with this orange, travel-print slipdress:

Super. Cute. However, I feel it's more "sightseeing in Europe" than "drinking beer out of a plastic cup on the beach", no? At least she put effort into her outfit, unlike Carrie here who just grabbed her towel and tied it around her. I realize you are on vacation but it won't kill you to spend more than 30 seconds on your outfit.

 

They make the smart decision to turn in early, but I wish I could say the same for Charlotte, who's masquerading as a 27-year-old with her younger boy toy.

Although I'm sure it's covered in vomit and beer stains, this dress is darn cute.

 

Carrie heads back to the city long enough to attend a book party in a fun black lace mini-dress:

You definitely look much more polished in the city, girlfriend. No wonder that handsome Doctor couldn't wait to talk to you! You look like a LADY (but still hip).

 

Back at the beach, the woman disappears and the girl comes out again. Hang-ten, surfer girl! Does she realize those are men's swim trunks? The bikini top and cover-up aren't bad, although it does kind of look like she's parading the beach in her bra. Meanwhile, Sam is wearing leopard print heels and Miranda AGAIN looks very sad and boring (pretty sure I had a pair of those foam platform sandals when I was 14).

All I have to say about all of these comments is: naturally.

 

Carrie gets the beach-to-dinner look right when she visits her doctor friend for a drink on his porch. I am liking the print/colours of this dress and the fact that her nerps aren't on display.

Honestly, I am shocked and amazed that she's merely showing a side-view of bandeau and not her entire bra - maybe she really is growing up.

 

Ha ha, of course not. It's time for the Hamptons Hoe-down! And you know what that means? Horrid, cowboy-esque party fashionz!

What is going on here? Sam is not only wearing no pants but she's wearing a belly chain - a belly chain, you guys! Don't get how Destiny's-Child-era-Beyonce accessories = hoedown. Carrie appears to have grabbed the blanket from her cottage bed and wrapped it around herself as a skirt. The good thing is if she gets cold in that tiny top, she can just pull her skirt up and cover her entire body. Those are some serious abdominals for a woman who earlier this season revealed that she never exercises.

 

Charlotte confronts her boy toy about giving her -ahem- crabs, and he responds in a predictably immature fashion. Her expression says it all.

Man-child, please. So, Carrie made a dress out of her blankets, and Char here made hers out of the tablecloth. These girls are oh-so-resourceful with all this pre-hipster DIY. Also, I covet this star necklace.

 

Hey, Miranda's still on this show? She looks like an extra on Gladiator in this red dress with gold trim.

What gives with your lack of storyline? I hope she actually gets to do something productive soon, because this is just sad. At least she looks classy and not a pink sparkly nightmare like someone else I can think of.

 

Remember Sam's idiot assistant from earlier? She's in The Hamps too! Meet 20-something Nina, who apparently decided an appropriate dress code for this shindig is "Cocaine Cowgirl".

You really can get cowboy hats in any color and fabric, can't you? Fascinating.

 

Guess who else is here? Mr. Big with his model-esque twenty-something girlfriend, Natasha.

May I point out that Natasha is NOT dressed like a cowgirl? As if Carrie needed to feel more embarassed. Poor thing gets so upset she has to run out to the beach and throw up. Miranda is a dear and holds her hair back since, ya know, she has nothing better to do.

 

I think it's safe to say there are pros and cons to being both in your 20s and in your 30s. Also? It's possible to make horrible fashion decisions at any age.

Sex and the City: Was it good for you?

This week in Manhattan, the land of visible bra straps and questionable haircuts, Carrie can't help but ask: is she good in bed? Are any of her friends? And how do you know? Charlotte's pretty sure she's not, when her guy falls asleep literally mid-deed. Sam's positive she's hot stuff, especially after two of her gay male friends invite her to a threesome. And Carrie's new guy is clearly impressed by her moves -- but is that just because he's a recovering alcoholic? Also Miranda buys new bedsheets.

 

Good news first: Carrie's hair is looking fab again. The state of her hair has been as on-again/off-again as her relationship with Big these last few weeks. Remember how she was all California tan last week with all her bright minidresses? This week she's bringing a more San Fran type of Cali style in a boho dress with half-updo.

This sort of breezy look isn't part of her usual repertoire, but I've got to say she's working it. The hem is maybe a little weirdly short, but then again, she's also short, so maybe it's all good? Charlotte is obviously a disaster, but she's mid-crisis. How could her piece of the week fall asleep in flagrante? Totes humiliating.

 

Carrie shapeshifts into a blonde Zooey Deschanel in this adorable retro-styled azure sundress.

The fit on this dress is sick. Check the bodice:

And it's not that it's been carefully tailored, it's got this sweet back detail for a custom fit:

For all of her fashion misses, it's worth it for a sweet win like this. Oh, and that dude she's with? All you need to know is that a) they met when he accidentally threw a lit cigarette at her and b) he's one month away from a year of sobriety. He isn't supposed to date anyone for another month, but he and Carrie and like, "What's the worst that can happen?" (Never a good question to ask on this show)

 

Part of the Alcoholics Anonymous thing is "one day at a time," right? That could be Carrie's fashion manifesto as well, as her look veers so drastically from day to day it's like she's constantly in costume. The look below is more 80s than what her junior doppelganger wears on The Carrie Diaries.

This episode was shot in 2000. Carrie and Sam actually mention IN THIS SCENE that it's the year 2000. So what is going on with the HIGH WAISTED ACID WASH JEAN SKIRT? That is slightly hipster cool in 2013, but I'm fairly certain this was not a normal outfit in 2000.

In other news, Sam looks flawless as ever, and not just by comparison. The subtly different shades of red in her power suit keep her from looking too matchy and the fit is perfectly tailored as always.

 

Sam upstages Carrie again at brunch, as Carrie serves up the first of several napkin/bandana tops this week while Sam keeps it classy with a striped tank.

I'm dying at this Mariah Carey circa Heartbreaker top. We all know Carrie's got a sick bod, but this makes it look like she's got handkerchiefs on her boobs. Her boobs are also contorted into a sort of pancake scenario that makes me question why, out of all her outfits, this is the one she failed to wear a bra with. 

 

She's looking oh-so-iconic Carrie Bradshaw in this floral mini with ghetto fab gold accessories. This is sort of the sartorial muse for a lot of Aria's ensembles on PLL.

All the shopping came in handy for the following montage of dates with her Recovering Alcoholic beau.

 

Date #1 brought a leopard-print ruched tube top and black skinny jeans.

No kiss goodnight.

 

So for Date #2, she went in her best Sookie Stackhouse drag.

Still no luck, but I'm liking this look.

 

So, for Date #3, she went all-out with another handkerchief top (this time with visible bra straps) and white capris.

Not sure if it was this outfit that finally helped out, or if it was the way she more-or-less hauled him up to her place. Either way, a new addiction was born... to her sweet, sweet lovin'.

 

Note: Carrie's devotion to visible bra straps is not limited to the daytime. Apparently bras -- and necklaces -- are necessary even under nightgowns.

Girl chooses a look and sticks to it. You gotta respect that.

 

Also in the bras-worn-at-all-times-always department is Charlotte, whose sheer bra is so NSFW I can only show you this slightly-covered-up version:

She's worried it's her bedroom skills that made her guy doze off during the act, but maybe it's her weird compulsion to always wear a bra? Just a suggestion.

 

Anyway, like the Type A keener she is, Charlotte enrolls in a tantric sex workshop to learn how to please her guy. While she's super-attentive in this sexy secretary ensemble...

 

... the rest of the ladies make fun of the proceedings because they think they know it all already.

Fair enough. I mean, Samantha could probably teach this class. Love her casual nautical look here, especially compared with Miranda's grey curtain-skirt and Carrie's randomly visible pink bra straps and tube top pillowcase.

 

To show just how advanced Sam's sexual prowess is, she's invited (mainly by reputation) to join two of her gay male friends in their first-ever sexual experience with a woman. Imma be honest here, though, the outfit she wore when she received this invitation wasn't her hottest look. This is a little too muumuu/kimono by way of mosquito netting and the Martha Stewart bedsheet collection.

 

That being said, of course she's up for the threesome. I mean, look at the dudes who issued the invite:

 

Sam busted out a lacy peignoir with a vintage Hollywood feel for the main event.

Tragically, the boys realize soon after this screencap that as much as Sam is a Sex Goddess, they don't swing that way.

 

Charlotte finds more success, post-workshop, as she blows her guy's... er, mind... with her new skillz. Loving her black vintage lingerie and JBF hair.

When she drops the little-girl baby pink looks, Charlotte could give Sam a run for the money as Sex Goddess of the East Side.

 

You may have noticed a lack of Miranda in this recap. That's because she got the Worst Plotline Ever, in that, she didn't even really get a plot. The first time we see her, she's working a handkerchief top similar to Carrie's, but in more redhead-friendly colours as she -- wait for it -- makes her bed.

Yes, friends, while the other ladies are busy gettin' busy, Miranda decides to remedy the bad karma of her bedroom by purchasing new bedsheets.

 

Then, at brunch, she wears this screenprinted top with what looks like ladies' lower legs right over her clavicle.

Not her finest look. While the blues and browns are a good palette, the placement of those legs makes her look like some sort of mutant head/legs creature. 

 

Miranda's mojo goes further downhill as she's the accidental recipient of the tantric sex instructor male assistant's... well... it's there in her hair.

Remember in like season three, she falls in the shower and throws out her back, and Carrie's boyfriend has to come help her up and she's naked? Why does she always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop on this show?

 

Anyway, things wrap up well in the Worst Plotline Ever because she likes her new bedsheets. Or whatever.

Although, I bet Cynthia Nixon enjoyed having a week off from awkward nude scenes or making out with guys who look like Skipper.

 

Anyway, Carrie's relationship with the recovering alcoholic goes quickly downhill (who could have seen that coming? Oh that's right, everyone) after she asks for some space, and her reacts with this Streetcar Named Desire moment.

Except not romantic, like, at all. Especially after she blows him off and he runs back down the street totally naked. And drunk.

 

You'd think things could only go up from here for Carrie's love life, but you would be wrong. Check back next week for the return of Big... with some Very Big News. Uh-oh...

Sex and the City: Shortcomings

This week, our ladies consider the question: when you date someone, do you date their family? Miranda lives out this question by dating a divorcee with a young son. Carrie dates a short story writer with some "shortcomings"... and an amazing set of parents. Oh, and Sam and Char get their own combined plotline as Sam sleeps with Charlotte's never-seen-again-did-you-forget-she-had-a-brother, Wesley, and Charlotte freaks. However, the question I’m really asking is: who told Justin Theroux long pants with Birkenstocks and a short-sleeved button down is a EVER a good look?

 

In a moment of chance/an advertisement for New York Sports Club, Miranda meets a guy in the elevator at the Gym. Oh, and he has a kid who wants to push all of the elevator buttons.

Miranda, her piece of the week, and his son all look totes adorbs in their oh-so-90s workout gear. Mir, a casual dressed by nature, is in her natural element at the gym. No surprise, after one elevator ride, Miranda has a date. You go girl!

 

However, she's already regretting her choice by brunch the next day. Despite her worries, Miranda looks pretty with her hair clipped back and a smile on her face. Now, we just need to get her a tank that fits.

In contrast, Sam looks very put-together and nautical with her striped shirt and gold hoop earrings. Samantha Jones: always bringing the classy brunch attire. Considering how often this gang goes out for brunch, she must have a special closet filled with perfect ouftits like this.

 

Post-brunch, Carrie fluffs her hair (still not as gorge as two weeks ago) to meet her new boyfriend, Justin Theroux. She doesn't realize, however, she's about to meet his family, too.

This top may just be so ridiculous that it works. I'm loving the hot pink and turquoise with Carrie's tan skin, and her make-up looks fresh and natural. Not fully understanding the hole in the middle of the shirt, but I guess anything goes in the 90s. Mr. Aniston looks somber -- probably because he's wearing the aforementioned short-sleeved button down with Birkenstocks. You can almost see the look of regret on his face.  

 

Justin's parents clearly raised him to dress better than that.

These two look very much like the well-dressed professor parents they are. Dad's taken it up a notch with a long-sleeved button down shirt and pleated khakis (and, I can only assume, a close-toed shoe). Meanwhile, Mom brings it with a fresh blowout and an expensive-looking black cardigan. 

 

After a day of waiting, Carrie and Justin rush back to her place only to fall, uh, "short".

It seems the hole in Ms. Bradshaw's top was just too much for poor Mr. Aniston.

 

Meanwhile, Miranda, her date, and his son stroll by a waterfall in Central Park.

I have included this picture because (as someone who has lived in New York City for 4 years) I would like to know where on eath this waterfall exists in Central Park. Anyone?

 

I'm digging Miranda's very uncharacteristic outfit. Did she borrow this from Carrie? The halter crop top with the skirt above the belly button is very 2013 hipster chic. 

While I never thought I'd put "halter crop top" and "put together" in the same sentence, I have to admit, girl looks nicely put together in this tribal print halter crop top.

 

Meanwhile, Charlotte's brother, Wesley, is both visiting and getting a divorce. To make everything better, Charlotte bakes muffins. 

While the muffins may not help Wesley's actual problem, Charlotte is charming in her white 1950s housewife-inspired dress. Hopefully that'll cheer up her brother in case the muffins didn't turn out. Also, that is a lot of white. Is she shooting laundry bleach commercials in her spare time?

 

Carrie's spare time is spent, as ever, whining about boyfriend problems. Here, she admits to Sam and Miranda that she likes Justin's family more than Justin himself. Once again, Carrie's California tan is glowing in contrast with the bright color of her dress...

 

 

... and Miranda makes her first GRIEVOUS FASHION ERROR of the week. You knew things were too good to last, right? She never gets more than two cute outfits per episode.

Miranda, with her slicked down, suddenly much-darker hair looks like Johnny Depp as a vampire. Fact: slicking down your hair with so much gel your hair turns into its own hat is never a good idea.

 

Speaking of bad ideas, Charlotte wakes up to find Samantha has spent the night with Wesley.

Charlotte, in her (of course) fussy pink nightgown, gives Sam a tongue-lashing. Samantha storms out (I wonder if she gave back the cute college t-shirt?) and after Charlotte declares that Samantha's libido should be in the NYC guide books. Did we know before this shot that Samantha is rocking some seriously shapely legs? She is owning that morning-after wear.

 

Meanwhile, Miranda sleeps with her New York Sports Club guy. Unfortch, as she is using the bathroom, she ends up hitting his son in the face.

As Carrie puts it, "The thing about families is if no one is sad to see you go, you probably weren't wanted in the first place." Miranda keeps this thought in mind as leaves her date and his son. Great towel though... I guess?

 

Charlotte, never one to hold a grudge, makes nice with Sam in one of her standard issue 90s junior high homecoming dance dresses, with special nerp accessory.

Samantha accepts Charlotte's apology along with a number of homemade muffins. There were seriously a lot of muffins this week, you guys.

 

Speaking of nerps, Carrie dumps Justin and heads back on the prowl in this perfect grey dress. Love how she pairs it with a tan-colored purse. Golf claps.

But seriously, how many brunches do the ladies have this week, like seventeen? There are other meals, you know.

 

So, to recap this week's lessons: it's difficult to date a man with a child. Charlotte bakes good muffins. Sam will have sex with anything that moves. And most importantly, NEVER WEAR BIRKENSTOCKS WITH A SHORT-SLEEVED BUTTON DOWN.

Sex and the City: The F*** Buddy

This week C-Bradz's thesis statement is a legit question: do we just continue to date the same person over and over again, doomed to make identical mistakes in every relationship we attempt? The gang attempts to address this very important existential question, and even from their small sample size, it seems they certainly have a problem with rinse-and-repeat relationships. Carrie goes back to the same "f*** buddy" after each devastating breakup. Miranda likes dating clones of herself. Charlotte wants the whole fairy tale, complete with cookie cutter Prince, but is willing to throw him out for even the smallest infraction. And we would have to be blind, deaf and dumb to not know by now that what Samantha likes is sex, and plenty of it.

 

As happens so often on this show, the show opens with Carrie randomly running into someone on the street. This time, it's Skipper. Remember Skipper from Season One? Miranda's Worst Boyfriend Ever?

 

As also happens frequently, at least this week, Carrie is wearing a poncho. 

If Carrie Bradshaw can't pull off the poncho look, the rest of us mere mortals are doomed. At least she didn't go overboard on the pattern mixing -  but those ratty pigtails have got to go. What happened to last week's AMAZING LOCKS OF GLORY? To be fair, it's raining. 

Anyway, Skipper's history of always being broken up with for the same reason is what gets Carrie thinking about romantic patterns.

 

She brings this idea, along with the episode's second poncho, to a picnic lunch with the ladies.

Because when I think picnic, I instantly think knitted poncho a la my grandmother's couch. What do you think she's wearing under this ode to Ugly Betty? 

 Did you guess... this? 

 

Did she come directly from working at the Beer Gardens at Oktoberfest? If not, why does she own this outfit? In either case: why did she wear it with a poncho to a picnic? Maybe it's better we don't know.

 

Anyway, Carrie's bad habit is returning to the same "comfort" guy every time her relationship goes south. With her on-again/off-again thing with Big, that's probably keeping this guy pretty busy. Meet The F*** Buddy (aka Dennis Duffy The Beeper King from 30 Rock).

Interestingly, his name is John, the same as Big. He's like Big-lite, without even a percentage of the oozing charisma his namesake has.

 

Back at the picnic, only Samantha Jones could look so chic wearing what appears to be a blanket. 

I didn't realize Central Park had such a casual dress code. Blankets, ponchos, frauleins - apparently anything goes.

 

Pop quiz: What are two things that Miranda's head has in common?

Answer: see below.

The sad thing is that those teal-blues are stunning on her, and if she hadn't insisted on doubling up like this, she would have looked great for a casual picnic in the park.

 

Miranda's relationship pattern, as she sees it, is that she dates lots of powerful guys. (To the viewing audience, her problem seems to be more that the writers give her the WORST BOYFRIENDS). Anyway, this is her piece of the week, Kevin.

Meh.

 

Charlotte also has a nasty habit that the entire group agrees she repeats ad nauseum: she finds The Perfect Guy, waits for The Perfect Date, then ditches Prince Charming because of something a little less than perfect. Charlotte is also the only one who got the memo regarding appropriate attire for the venue. 

Love her boxy pink jacket, paired over the red zip-up, plus she looks positively Blair-like in her headband.

 

Later that night, Sam's just lounging in bed in her usz perfectly coordinated loungewear.

What a fabulous silk robe, with a gorgeous gold print. She's even coordinating with her crimson and gold sheets. But we wouldn't expect any less from Samantha, who probably spends half her time in that bed. Her non-plotline this week is that her neighbors are having loud sex, and she decides to join in. Whatevs, it gives us an excuse to peep at her amaze lingerie.

This lacy peach bra and matching silk robe are simply gorgeous.

 

Things are heating up with Kevin, which apparently means Miranda cares even less about her clothes than normal.

This shiny blue coat is pretty meh. But at least Kev's making her happy, right?

 

Interestingly, Carrie's having a similar sartorial meltdown due to good sex - in her case, from The F*** Buddy. Like her best friend, Carrie apparently doesn't care how ridiculous her clothes are. Red flowered short shorts paired with a beaded fringe crop-top?

Carrie, you are better than this. Please remember that.

 

You're also better than Mini-Big.

Ugh, he's such a slimy skeeze.

 

It also turns out that he's boring in any non-sexual situation, as Carrie discovers when they try a date somewhere other than her bed. Her blue dress is full-skirted and old fashioned romance at its best.

The other John would have loved it, but this particular version doesn't have much to say at all.

 

The morning after Carrie's date, the girls meet at yoga to dish on her non-chemistry with The F*** Buddy. Love their yoga outfits, and how everyone else in the class just happens to be wearing white so that our ladies stand out as much as possible.

 

Carrie might be down in the dumps about her Fuck Buddy's datability index, but at least her hair's cute.

A vast improvement over those ratty pigtails from earlier.

 

Charlotte's little plotline has her dipping her toes outside of her comfort zone by asking a guy out herself. Love the embroidery on her green tunic, and her perky ponytail.

She's so damn cute, no guy would ever turn her down. 

 

Unfortunately, Char goes too far out of her zone. Instead of just one date, she schedules two for the same night, attempting a juggling act that even worries Samantha. The idea of this cream dress with matching coat isn't bad, but it kind of falls flat in execution. It's wrinkly and the beige-y white of it just isn't flattering on her skin.

If I had two dates in one night, you'd better believe I'd find an awesome outfit to wear.

 

Miranda, still hanging out with Kev, dresses up to show off her new man to the ladies. She looks more stunning here than in any episode I can recall to this point.

The orange sheath is stunning on her, and I love the simple beaded necklace. So chic.

 

Speaking of chic, when is Sam not dressed to impress? Samantha Jones not only knows good sex, she knows a damn good brunch outfit. 

The midnight blue off-the-shoulder dress is beautiful on her, and the chunky gold jewelry is a fabulous touch that adds just the right amount of luxe to her outfit. Plus, her hair is gorgeous.

 

Carrie continues her extremely odd streak of outfits with this too-tight jacket.

We know Carrie delights in a whole range of fashion disasters, but this is the same woman who wore hot pants and a beaded fringe bra earlier! There's no need to cover up now, honey. Let your goods breathe a little.

 

Miranda emerges as the winner of this episode, though. She dumps Kevin for his terrible temper, didn't have to share any screen time with Skipper, wore the orange ensemble above, and pulls off this profesh ensemble as well. Loving the combo of the light purple shell with her normal power suit armor.

Unlike when Carrie blabs on about enjoying singlehood, Miranda looks genuinely relaxed and liberated. Look out men of Manhattan: Miranda Hobbes is back on the prowl.

Sex and the City: Games People Play

Carrie is dealing poorly with her break-up with Big, but her hair continues to look fabulous. It seems as though her friends are taking the brunt of her distress, so they hold an intervention to get Carrie into the chair of therapist to the stars, Dr. G. She attends, reluctantly, that is until she meets the handsome Seth (aka Jon Bon Jovi). Too bad he's just as messed up as she is when it comes to relationships… What? You were expecting Parcheesi??

 

Also a mess? Whatever is happening in the opening shot. 

Other than excellent hair, and endless bitching about Big, I'm not really sure what's going on, fashion-wise anyway. Carrie looks a bit like Daisy Duke in the city, with that leather tank and rolled up jeans, and Char's a little too Little House on the Prairie for me. Is it just me, or does Charlotte always look a bit like a little girl playing dress-up? We get it, you're sweet and innocent.

 

The complaining continues into a night out with Samantha, where Carrie pulls out an adorable 50's style dress (and perfect hair).

Sam looks chic, as per usual, in a structured salmon colored tank and pencil skirt with that enviable black patent clutch. The entire ensemble comes complete with eye roll. No added charge.

 

Carrie's unrelenting monologue continues in Miranda's apartment, where Carries dons a fab color-blocked bandage dress in the middle of the day (as you do... Just ask Victoria Grayson...).

Not sure what's going on with the hair though. Up or down, Care-bear. Not this in between mess.

Miranda seems to be wearing a sheer curtain of some sort, but I do love the royal blue color of the top she's wearing underneath.

 

Finally, the girls have had enough, and stage an intervention. I don't think I've ever seen a group of people looking more like they wish their iced tea was poisoned.

I'm pretty sure I owned that tank of Carrie's back in the day. Awful. I'm dying over that clutch bag of hers though. It really brightens up the dullness in the rest of the scene. It may have helped if any of the ladies sat up straight, but I guess the weight of Carrie's moaning has dragged them down. I feel ya.

 

Carrie brings it back when discussing her need for therapy with Stanny. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE her gold shoulder bag. Wish I could have gotten a better pic. Gorge hair, and a nice simple tank and beautiful printed silk skirt. Five stars from me, Ms. Bradshaw. 

Do you think Stanford called to ask what Carrie was wearing before they met up? They match perfectly. I hate to say it, because I love me some Stanny, but I completely disapprove of short sleeved button downs. Sorry, my love.

 

Carrie reluctantly enters into therapy with Dr. G, therapist to the stars, and she looks stunning.

That hair. That dress. Seriously, you guys, I'm crushing like crazy. Have you seen anything more flattering on Carrie?

 

Dr. G is every bit the professional in her lavender blouse and khakis.

Blah. 

 

Carrie dishes to the ladies about her first session, and I'm glad she didn't change out of that dress. Still lusting over here.

Miranda's a bit bland in black for an evening out, but the cut is flattering. Sam is ever the siren in her form fitting top and pencil skirt. Lovely cream blazer and headband, too (you know how we love a headband around here). Char's still looking like she's raided her mother's closet, forever in shades of pink. At least the color is flattering? Ugh.

 

Carrie's decidedly dressed down for her second session.

Great hair. Love the color of the tee, but what is that mess below the waist? No. Just, no.

 

Carrie decides to step it up quite a few notches from her last appointment to flirt with sexy Seth (aka Jon Bon Jovi). What a fine man. Yes, I said fine.

Carrie's found her inner bombshell in this little number. I don't think that the neckline is super flattering on her, but it shows a bit of cleave, and that's usually all you need to get a man's attention, am I right?

 

Carrie questions her decision to accept a dinner invitation from Sexy Seth (his new official name, in my book), over dinner and a Knicks game with Sam. Not a fan of the braids, but for a causal night in with a friend and a glass of wine, it's fine by me.

Sam keeps it classic with a fitted tank and some casual black trousers. Love the shoes, but wouldn't you take those off to lounge around? I know I would.

 

Meanwhile, Miranda continues her game of hide and seek with the hottie across the alleyway wearing some ridiculous kimono. 

It would be easier, and sexier, to flash your ta-ta's from beneath a little slip, rather than this drapery, Mir.

 

 Carrie goes out with Seth looking like Tinkerbell. From the chest up, anyway.

Seriously though, breaking up with Big has done wonders for your hair, Carrie. Stunning.

 

And Miranda is staking her boy toy in the supermarket, in what seems to be a nightie?

While this cut isn't flattering on her (or anyone), the color is beautiful. Too bad the dude she's stalking is gay. All the good ones are, Mir.

 

Sam joins her most recent conquest for the end of the Knicks season, and a little hanky-panky, in a lovely floral dress and simple gold accessories.

Too bad her man is a bit schlubby, and far too into sports. I feel for you Sam. I'm a football widow myself.

 

Carrie brings Seth back to her pad for a little late night action, in what I can only assume was a costume for a date at the roller rink on disco night.

The shorts and shoes are fantastic...I actually have those shorts (not the legs, though). But that top (Bra? Bathing suit?) is atrocious. Doesn't seem to matter to Seth as they end up naked quickly enough, and Carrie finally realizes that she does, in fact, pick the wrong men. Though that's not hard to deduce when Sexy Seth admits he's in therapy because he loses interest in women as soon as he sleeps with them. Oh well.

 

So what do we think, kids? Will Charlotte find a wardrobe appropriate for a 30 year old? Will Carrie ever pick the right man? Will any of these ladies, for that matter? I hope not any time soon, if it means we get more scenes of shirtless dudes like Sexy Seth. 

Sex and the City: La Douleur Exquise!

Who doesn't love a good S&M theme restaurant? This week, the girls explore pleasure, pain, and fetishes as Charlotte and Miranda meet men with eccentric interests. Both relationships start off fantastic but take a sharp turn towards whackadoodle quickly. Poor Carrie really bears the brunt of the pain in this episode when her relationship with Big derails (leaving her wearing a beret and throwing fast food... not a good look). 

 

So... color me prudish, but does anyone else find this restaurant opening party 50 Shades of unsanitary? 

 

I'd prefer that the slapping and tickling were done away from my food. The kinky kitchen doesn't seem to bother all of perverted partygoers at Samantha's latest work event. 

Step right up folks! Your raunchy ringleader Samantha Jones is dressed to impress. Love the top hat and pin curls. 

Not so much the oh-so-90s heart choker I'm pretty sure I saw in a Delia's catalogue in 1997. That being said, I like how the neckline makes her look like a courtesan in Renaissance Italy. I'm pretty sure that was her plan.

 

So, remember the whole unsanitary issue? Miranda seems to agree.

PS - five points if you can find the boob-tastical photobomb in the background of this screen cap. She's like a topless Where's Waldo

 

The party invitation said "kinky" which apparently Charlotte took to mean she should kink her hair and wear a middle school prom dress.  

Girlfriend needs to age her look up at least ten years. SPOILER: she does not.

 

After their erotic eats, Carrie pops over to see Big before his trip to Paris. She finds him wearing THE WORST SHIRT EVER.

Is this like a navy blue Rorschach test? Let's see... that blob looks like a kitty cat and that blob looks like a man who is about to get in a major fight with this girlfriend. Should have picked a different top, dude. 

 

That being said, Carrie is owning this S&M Mad Hatter look. And I'm totally jelly of how straight she got her hair. 

Anyway, Rorschach Big and Mad Hatter Bradshaw get into a major fight when he mentions he may move to Paris. Note: try not to start a fight with a woman carrying a bullwhip.

 

From whips to toes, sweet Charlotte is happy to cross paths with a foot fetishist who gives her discounts on shoes in exchange for spending time with her feet.

Her toes must be pretty exquisite to keep him interested despite her 12-year-old-girl-at-a-sleepover cami and vinyl skirt ensemble.

 

Across town, Miranda comes face to face with her own kinky guy -- GOB from Arrested Development!! Jack.

Fellow bookworm Jack was so into Miranda's taste in books, he failed to notice her t-shirt and hair are identical shades of coral. Tangerine dream aside, the two exchange numbers and plan to get together.

 

The girls meet for brunch, where Carrie equates her relationship with Big to S&M. Or something. I was too entranced by Samantha's voluminous tresses to pay total attention. 

How did she get that lift in the crown? Obvi some serious round brush action was happening chez Jones. I also detect the faintest outline of shoulder pads, so apparently she's swapped out Delia's for Talbot's. 

 

Even Sam's locks can't compare with Carrie's dissheveled blowout. WANT. 

Somehow, she's working this frizz. Possibly it has something to do with her delicate layered necklaces. Fighting with Big clearly agrees with her.

And I haven't even gotten to the rest of her outfit.

Sooo summery and pretty with the cornflower blue and white pattern. She's coordinated with her bed linens, like, that is a varsity level fashion achievement.

 

Anyway, Miranda's first date gets steamy when she learns GOB Jack's kink: having sex where they can get caught.

Apparently he's also got a weakness for women in cap-sleeve tees (yuck) and ill-fitting khakis (double yuck). Though he's not much better in his size XXL short sleeve button down.

 

After a few (dozen) drinks, Carrie and her gorge hair decide to drunk dial Big in Paris to discuss her feelings because hey, drunk international phone calls are always a good idea, right?

The best part of this whole conversation is that they are using real phones. Remember when everyone had land lines and phones with cords? #nostalgia

 

Miranda steps up her style for her second date with Exhibionist Jack, though I'm pretty sure he's wearing the same shirt as their first date.

This time, he and his fetish to always wear the same shirt get her to hook up with him in the back of a cab. This has got to stop! As Carrie explains, "This is a relationship, not Outward Bound." 

 

Foot fetishee Charlotte meets Mir and Carrie to show off her latest kicks. Yet again, Carrie steals the show with her perfect locks and boho-inspired outfit.

I can't even with Miranda's shirt. I think it's actually making my eyes bleed. Though Charlotte's ensemble continues her bizarre infatuation with dressing like a preschooler, she's hiding something below the ankle... 

A toe ring! 

Pretty sure this is the first toe ring to ever appear on YKYLF so... thanks? I guess?

But seriously, between the toe ring, Sam's choker and Mir's shirt, this week's episode was like a reminder of some of the most regrettable trends of the late 90s. If only they could embrace a more timeless, possibly European style influence...

 

Bonjour! Carrie appears to apologize for being le bitch while he was overseas. 

To the surprise of no one, this goes badly. But could you have guessed she'd throw a Filet-o-Fish at the wall?

 

Suffice it to say, Carrie and Big break up. Again. The trauma turns her hair curly again.

"And just like that, I had untied myself from Mr. Big. And I was free, but there was nothing exquisite about it."

 

You know what is exquisite? This insane purple shirt.

We KNOW that this isn't the last we'll see of Mr. Big. No one makes a permanent exit wearing eggplant. 

Sex and the City: Evolution

Miranda takes a trip to the OBGYN that results in not an STD, but in TMI. This leads Carrie to ponder the question: "Have we evolved past relationships?" She wondered — why Big won’t let her leave some items at his place? Umm, maybe it’s because you’re crazy? As for the other three, Charlotte decides to date a straight man (Oliver) who might not be straight, Samantha rekindles a romance with a rich man (Dominic) who broke her heart, and Miranda, after hearing the unfortunate news at the OBGYN, decides to date an opinionated man (whose name I didn't bother to commit to memory) with hair plugs. Uber noticeable hair plugs. 

 

Cut to Ms. Hobbes, at the OBGYN.

I mean, who hasn’t shared too much information when someone asks a simple question post break-up? In her defense, Miranda looks quite pretty here. Her make-up is well-done, and she is definitely sporting some Season 2 Miranda Hair, which as you'll recall, was a vast improvement over Season 1 Miranda Hair.

 

Unfortch, Miranda has a bigger problem than a break-up with a bartender. Apparently, she only has one working ovary, and decides to share this juicy tidbit with the ladies over lunch. 

This outfit is nicely done, Miranda. The shoulder pads have down-sized, the burgundy blazer goes swimmingly with her dark red hair, and the over-sized pearl earrings bring it all together. Girlfriend may be down an ovary, but she knows how to rock the professional look.

 

In times of crisis, Miranda can rely on Carrie for a sympathetic face…

And a nice thong at the lunch table.

Miranda and Samantha look a little baffled. However, despite her confusion, Samantha looks timeless in a boatneck royal blue dress with gold jewelry. Let's just hope she didn't borrow it from someone as apparently, "commando" is her undergarment of choice. 

 

After explaining she must travel in a nomadic fashion due to Big’s commitment issues (hence the underwear at the table), Carrie shows us activities she would do if she were able to leave items at Big’s apartment…

You know, like blow dry her already dry hair with the tiniest blow dryer you’ve ever seen. All the while, wearing a cheap-looking, strapless leopard jumpsuit.  I know she’s supposed to be ahead of her time, fashion-wise, but that outfit is not okay. Ever. 

 

Carrie decides to leave the tiniest blow dryer you’ve ever seen along with about six other items at Big’s apartment. 

Relationship obsession of the week = solved. 

 

Meanwhile Charlotte, her unwashed hair, and some eyeglasses, head out for a night on the town with a gay, male friend. 

For someone who didn’t wash her hair, it looks pretty shiny, bouncy, and clean. Plus, I’m really digging Char’s casual but structured white jacket over her summery dress. Nice work.

 

After their night out, Charlotte is about to hop in a cab when…

 

Confused? So is she…

As she tells the girls, "But I thought he was gay. I didn't know it was a date. I wore my glasses."

 

The next night, the ladies and Charlotte's look of confusion head out for some cocktails. 

I have to admit, all of the ladies look quite nice here. I do not approve of Samantha’s dress (a little too 90’s Bat Mitzvah for my taste), but Miranda’s burgundy clutch is super cute, Charlotte’s black dress fits her perfectly, and I LOVE Carrie’s long orange skirt and embroidered crop top.

 

 

 

After Charlotte discusses her man problems, Carrie produces the tiniest purse you have ever seen. 

This is to remind us (if we have forgotten) that: relationship obsession of the week = solved.

 

Unfortch, as soon as everything feels calm, trouble starts a-brewing in the form of Dominic, Samantha’s ex. 

It takes a confident man to wear a powder-blue polka dot tie. In fact, he’s so self-assured that he dumped Sam years ago, breaking her heart. Of course, she promptly agrees to go out with him again, so she can break his.

 

Meanwhile, Big buys Carrie a present.

Nevermind, it’s just the items she left at his place. Relationship obsession of the week = not solved.

 

Sam goes to meet Dominic in a dress that she knows he won’t be able to resist. 

The black dress is tasteful and fits her really well. And so, even though it’s not part of her original plan, Samantha sleeps with Dominique.

 

On the east side of Manhattan, Charlotte throws on what looks like a J.Crew dress (not a Cynthia Rowley, in this fashion blogger's opinion), and heads to Oliver’s apartment for some home cooking.

No matter who the designer, the material is gorgeous, and that's a hell of a cut. Not loving Oliver's shirt, but eh, you win some, you loose some.

 

Miranda puts on a blue pantsuit and meets up with a date. Go get em, tiger!

Again, bravo for Miranda's little accessories, such as this delicate necklace and pearl earrings.

 

Miranda’s date himself is less about jewelry and more about hairplugs. 

Especially when Miranda tells him she's considering freezing her eggs due to her malfunctioning ovary. Another case of TMI for lawyer Miranda Hobbes. 

 

On the other side of town, Dominic is repeating history by dumping Samantha once more. 

 

With exes like that, who needs enemies? Carrie did say Sam’s plan had some holes. And girlfriend knows her holes. Observe this mesh monstrosity:

This top? Not ok, ever. Even when you and your gay husband are trying to determine the sexual orientation your friend's new possibly-gay-but-possibly-straight beau.

 

In the end, Ms. York dumps Oliver when she realizes he's just a “man who squeals and jumps on chairs when he sees a mouse.”

He may be freaking out, but he looks super comfortable in his blue flannel pajamas and white t-shirt.

 

Carrie’s "relationship obsession of the week" is solved once again when she finds that Big has been hiding photos of the two of them in a drawer. 

Aw, isn’t that precious? We’ll have to tune in next week to see what new issue Carrie will come up with next.

Sex and the City: The Caste System

Over mani/pedis, Charlotte tells the girls that they're just pretending that they live in a classless society. Well, there certainly was a lot of classless behaviour going on in the City this week, including Carrie (almost) drunkenly sleeping with an old flirtation because she's mad at Big, Charlotte's new fling generally being disgusting, and Sam's new beau's servant throwing her out of bed and calling her a "dirty cocka-sucking whore" (which, although true, was still uncalled for). Miranda is the only one who tries to be classy by buying Steve a nice suit since he can't afford his own. However, that backfires, so perhaps the lesson here, kiddies, is that being classy is overrated. Afterall, Charlotte got to make out with a hot celebrity, Carrie's man said the "L" word (and I don't mean "lesbian") and Sam got to eat a bunch of wicked home-cooked Thai food. Clearly, class is for suckers!

 

Carrie's "Relationship Obsession of the Week" was whether or not to say "I love you" to Big. There are a couple of times she comes very close to doing just that, including this super-adorable breakfast scene where it appears Ms. Bradshaw is wearing one of her man's shirts:

Yeesh, no wonder they call him Mr. Big — that shirt is enormous! Looks very casual morning chic though, what with her tousled hair and basic gold chains. Speaking of hair, that shiz is straight! And so long she could have wiped the butter off Big's face with her split ends, why use her fingers?

BTW, no "I love you".

 

She almost says it again while they're walking home from the ballet (oh you fancy, huh?) Ahem, forgive me if I'm being ignorant, but is it normal for one to break out the crimping iron for Swan Lake?

This ensemble does not scream "night at the ballet" to me — it's more along the lines of Hair (pun intended). Had Carrie and I been pregaming at her place, I would have recommended the pink tutu from the opening credits. THEN she would have fit right in. But she never invites me over.

Again, no "I love you".

 

Another night on the town comes along and judging by this outfit, they're heading to dinner at Szechaun Gardens:

It's a cute top though, even though it looks a bit like lingerie. But we all know how Carrie likes to flaunt her undies, so this really isn't out of character, is it?

 

 

 

For some reason, the thing that finally compells her to come out with the "Big L" is this:

That's right, folks. It's a Judith Leiber duck minaudiere. Or is it a swan? I can't keep my waterfowl Dynasty-style accessories straight. In any case, I think she must have gone into shock after opening it because she chooses that exact moment to tell Big she loves him. And he was all..."yeah, ok, you're welcome, I'll meet you in the hallway." Ah Big, you old charmer!

 

As if that wasn't cringeworthy enough, later while enjoying a "romantic dinner", Big brings up Tuscany and implies that he'd like to take Carrie with him sometime, setting the scene for him to return her declaration...aaand instead he simply tells her she can return the duck purse if she doesn't like it. End quote. Look! Carrie's so stressed out that her hair went wavy again!

I like this outfit, I just don't love it (know what I mean, Big?)

 

So. Lots' to analyze, and know what that means — girl time brunch! And brunch fashion!

Carrie's floral dress is pretty, but seems a bit too Laura Ashley for her usual taste. Maybe she's preparing for her future as a Crazy Cat Lady. Since, you know, her boyfriend doesn't love her and all.

And I guess Miranda just got back from a Caribbean resort? I'm just going by that touristy palm leaf print top and wooden/shell necklace. Sure, I always love green with her red hair, but this top really does resemble the tablecloths at a Hilton in Jamaica, or something.

 

Then we have Sam and Char — did Sam come to brunch in her slip or did she spill oatmeal all over herself? And I see Charlotte decided to throw on last year's french maid Halloween costume. Although that could also be a nightgown. Honestly, are you all so exhausted in the morning that you can't be bothered to change out of your PJs? Come on, ladies! You don't live in a dorm.

Hello, duck purse.

 

The gals redeem themselves later in the episode for Girl Talk 2: Mani/Pedi Appointment.

Carrie and Charlotte are so polished in their dresses and Samantha and Miranda look electric in their brights. I guess their wardrobes need time to fully wake up, just like their brains.

 

Later, on a pizza date with Steve, Miranda goes from tropical rainforest to stormcloud with this monochromatic grey suit and turtleneck:

Blah, blah, blah. The same colour head-to-toe, Miranda? Really? Are you trying to show your "working class" boyfriend that you have street cred by looking like a prison inmate? The funny thing is, an orange jumpsuit would be so much more flattering on her than this.

 

We see just how bad Steve's money problems are when he and Miranda go back to his apartment and we catch a glimpse of his...wait for it...

GOLD CORDUROY SUIT! OH the horror!! I quote Miss Hobbs: "I do not have enough time to tell you what's wrong with corduroy". Seriously traumatized over here. You can't unsee something like that.

 

Steve tells her he doesn't want it to start feeling like she's his mother...so why is she dressed so matronly for her fancy firm event?

Don't get me wrong, this is very polished and classic, but boring. I guess that's the dress code for an NYC power law firm? Love that lipstick, tho.

 

Miranda's matronly this week and Charlotte is a teenager. Observe the bubble-gum pink slip dress:

Cuuuute necklace! Is that a key? You're giving Other C a run for her money in the funky necklace department.

 

So the teenager dress is enough to snag herself Wiley Ford, Famous Movie Star. They make out in his limo, possibly go somewhere for sexytime, and eventually end up at a club, where "Charlene" (please, Wiley can't be bothered to remember her real name) channels Posh Spice, aka. 90s Victoria Beckham.

A leather tube dress with floral cut-outs? Oh 90s, you were so silly.

And Charlotte is silly for ever thinking the repulsive Wiley (who makes her fall from girlfriend to groupie status in a mere day) is attractive. He should stick to making out and smoking doobies, not talking.

 

What's even sillier is I'm voting Sam's boyfriend's maid as the best dressed of the episode! Check out Sum's watercolor dresses and bright hair accessories.

But notice here, Sam, how he's staring at Sum and not you? There's trouble afoot.

 

Just look at this...scrunchie? Wrap? Chinese ponytail trap? This is not a woman to be messed with.

 

I take back my earlier comment re: Carrie's hair being super long. THIS is some major hair. The severity of the ponytail really goes with Sum's pent-up rage:

Not only can the woman cook and dress, but she's cunning as hell to boot. Sum's looking to go from maid to married, and has no doubt been systematically kicking girlfriends out of Mr. Harvey's pad for years. Sam: 0, Sum: 1,000

 

Considering the "I love you" fiasco, Carrie has quite the attitude by the end of the episode when she attends a snobby Park Avenue party with Big. Apparently, she was in a rush to get dressed because it looks like she just grabbed every linen she could find in her kitchen and tied a shoelace around to keep it together.

I mean, it's certainly a fun dress and perfectly "Carrie" but it's a tad schizoid, no? And the kimono-like shape makes me wonder if she borrowed it from Sum.

 

But wait! Something very important happens at this party — we find out where Carrie's obsession with showing her nerps comes from! Meet Serena, Elegant UES Hostess:

Stay classy, Park Avenue.

Something even more important happens the morning after the party — Big calls Carrie and tells her he loves her!! Ok, so he actually says "I f**king love you" and I can't tell if that is better or worse, but we know where this goes. Carrie says everything before "I love you" just doesn't count. I say it's all downhill from here.

Sex and the City: Old Dog, New Dicks

If anything, this SATC has a misleading title — I maintain it was not so much about changing people, but about negotiating with them. We find Carrie negotiating all of Big’s bad habits and ended up knocking him out à la Sugar Ray Leonard, Miranda negotiating all of Steve’s good-for-her habits, and Charlotte negotiating her way around a man whose tent pole resembled a Shar Pei. As for Samantha, she takes a backseat this week with a passing scene where she finds an ex fun-buddy has taken on a new identity as drag queen "Samantha". Some people can change a man. Some people can change a woman. Samantha can change a man into a woman.

 

Start of the episode, Samantha advises Carrie that you can't change a man (note: this is before she met her drag queen tribute), but I'm too distracted by the change of seasons between them.

Carrie’s patterned sundress with cinched belt was a hit, although I’m not sure why she's tying her sweater as if it were a one-shouldered backpack. I love Sam’s elegant cream-colored coat and how it shows off the vibrant teal underneath, but watching them walk side by side, I couldn’t help but think that Carrie was on her way to a summer rooftop party on the UES, while Sam was decked out to see a matinee at the Metropolitan Opera in the fall. They were filmed at the same time and not on green screen, right?

 

 

 

Setting up the Miranda storyline, we see her dressed in a chocolate business suit that she should not be sleeping in.

Not only is this not what one should wear when waiting for their man to come a-knockin' after he done with his bartending shift, that blouse will wrinkle faster than her face will upon reading a terrible offer of settlement. Plus, the sleeves were clearly inspired by Seinfeld’s puffy shirt episode. If Seinfeld is your style inspiration, it’s time to rethink your aesthetic.

 

The girls’ brunch didn’t clear up the inconspicuous weather mismatch.

 

We see Carrie in what appears to be a modified kimono that was cut up and resewn with a terrycloth bathrobe. I'll award a few points for chicness, but I'm deducting a few for just being incongruous and too hard a contrast to have any real flow.

Charlotte is bright and uptight as usual, in a madras print shift and an uwillingness to accept her lastest beau's "unmodified" equipment (more on that later).

 

Samantha is almost naked in this flesh-toned top with strategically placed blue leaves. Can't you see her as the star of a tableau vivant in 1920s New York, straight out of an Edith Wharton novel? Someone get this woman an afternoon salon, preferably one frequented by the members of the Algonquin Table.

And there’s Miranda, rocking out her early 90s Gaultier sailor outfit. Folks, if you're looking for a timeless summer outfit, this one never ever goes out of style.

 

After Carrie spends an awkward dinner watching Big swing his metaphorical dick around to other customers in the restaurant, the take a stroll which ends with him leering at a passerby in an imitation vinyl Matrix-style coat.

Considering this episode aired in 1999, someone in New York had to be wearing that kind of outerwear. Carrie tries to tell him he hates it when he checks out other women, but if I were her I would call him out by saying "I judge you for checking out a woman in a garbage bag that was not worn by Tilda Swinton at the Oscars."

Of course, she herself is wrapped in this Stevie Nicks granny shawl, and I can't do anything but giggle at the juxtaposition of Fleetwood Mac and Carrie-Anne Moss in the same scene.

 

Also out for an evening walk is Charlotte and her Shar Pei new man. You see, he’s uncircumcised, and it freaks her out. Char, you need to get out more.

A much more egregious offense is his colorblock tie against a monochrome shirt. At least it wasn’t shimmery, else he’d be mistaken as a manager for a boy band.

 

Can this relationship by saved? Why yes, it can! Look how happy Char is when he proclaims he’s going to be circumcised! I bet this foreshadows her marriage to Harry, as she mentally plans the bar mitzvah after his bris.

You know, I always forget that before she met Trey, Charlotte loved her basic black and hipster glasses. Just you watch — over the next four seasons, her wardrobe becomes increasingly more Betty Draper-esque. You too will forget that she was at one point kitted like a fake power lesbian (a fauxbian?).

 

Back to Miranda, who's so very annoyed that Steve gets home too late to do anything but throw off her morning schedule.

You know what annoys me? This blue nightie. It has more fabric than Samantha’s blue leaves top. Sure it’s pretty but also kinda boxy, and we know Cynthia Nixon is a slender, athletic woman. This doesn’t do her any favors.

 

No matter, it’s off to gay bingo! Here are the looks:

Miranda: paneled sari with a French kerchief. Was this a failed dollar store design challenge from an old Project Runway episode? You can make fusion food, but fusion fashion is another matter. 

 

Samantha: leopard print. We get it, Sam’s a cougar, the end.

 

Charlotte: NO! BAD CHARLOTTE! Did you get lost on your way to a PTA meeting in Connecticut? This is NOT what one wears to drag queen bingo!

I'm sorry. Sweet little Charlotte has really ticked me off this episode.

 

Ah, but then there's Carrie — the only one dressed for the occasion. Look how sparkly! If she had body glitter on, she’d be dancing til Starbucks opens the next morning.

 

And last but not least, we have Brad/"Samantha". This former hockey player (and former Samantha shtupper) runs into his old flame at drag queen bingo and reveals that she inspired him to transform from Boring Brad to Smashing Sam. But I know that Samantha wouldn’t be caught dead wearing something like this. Girlfriend looks like a screen shot from Candy Crush.

 

Speaking of zebra stripes, the next day Carrie prowls around Big's UES lobby in a glitter top, shiny purse and the aforementioned stripes. Sweetie, I think I know why doorman thought you were a hooker.

Not to generalize based on appearance, but this is not what one would expect wear on the Upper East Side, at least according to its snootier denizens and the doormen from Queens who toil for them.

 

Carrie and Big unexpectedly knock each other out in bed, but not in the way anyone would have wanted. She ends up on the floor and he gets a bloody nose. But we also see her in a nightie that looks like the naked dress from season 1, although this appears to have more fabric. (Do we notice a trend amongst the nightgowns?)

 

And finally we see the best sleepwear of the night: Miranda’s slinky lavender number with orange robe.

Methinks she had this made from the same cloth cut to make her drag queen bingo outfit, and they came together as a (theoretical) set. A better idea in theory than in execution?

 

Of course, what I love most about sleepwear is transitioning it into daywear...if I were working from home and trying to get away with it (RIP 30 Rock).

Because if that were my situation, then I would always wear COOKIE MONSTER PAJAMAS. Keep livin' the dream, Bradshaw.

Sex and the City: The Man, The Myth, The Viagra

Cha cha cha splashy bus oh noes! Can't Carrie ever go for a walk in her tutu without getting dirty? METAPHOR.

So, this week was all about MYTHS. Myths such as: the toxic relationship that suddenly righted itself (Carrie's dream for her and Big), the one-night-stand that turned into a relationship (Steve's hopes for him and Miranda); and the woman who met a guy in a bar and lived happily ever after (Samantha and her septegenarian piece). Charlotte doesn't get a plotline this week, perhaps because she constantly lives in a state of believing in fairy tales.

 

Carrie and Big kick this episode off... oddly functional. This relationship status is reflected in Carrie's (relatively) tasteful red brocade strapless number with minimal accessories:

Frankly, if I had her shoulders and biceps, I wouldn't need any accessories either. Remember how Carrie is a chain-smoker who doesn't know how to exercise? Yeah, I think the show sometimes forgets that too.

Anyway, now that they've agreed to share an electric toothbrush (again, EW) they hit another major relaysh milestone common to 8-year-old around the world: Big refers to her as his girlfriend! Carrie squeals! What could possible go wrong?

 

Ever the rain on everyone's parade, Miranda shows up to bring her usual dating dysfunction along with this bewildering mock-neck ensemble:

Mir, I respect you so I'm just going to lay it on the line here: cap sleeves never work on ANYONE. Even size -0 models get flabby arms from cap sleeves. Go sleeveless or go sleeved but ESCHEW THE CAPS. These are the kitten-heels of sleeve lengths and should be similarly avoided. I like the necklace, though. Very House of Harlow, despite how Nicole Richie was like a tween when this was filmed.

 

To nobody's surprise, Miranda's date turns out to be a loser (DRINK!) so she vents her usual man/relationship-hating ways at brunch with the ladies. Do you think she may have such bad luck with men because she is the kind of person who owns a... shawl-neck polo shirt? 

Seriously, PULL IT TOGETHER, GIRL.

 

Carrie, her hair set to cocker spaniel, is unable to agree with Miranda's MEN ARE TEH WORST thesis, as she (Carrie) is in a semi-functional relationship for the first time in her life.

She is also wearing a tank with a cupcake applique on the front. This is like the top part of one of those PJ sets they sell at Claire's Accessories that comes with a pair of cupcake-print pants. Being part of a happy couple doesn't mean you can LITERALLY roll out of bed to go out in public, Bradshaw.

 

Charlotte shows up long enough to establish today's theme of dating fairy tales. To really drive the point home, I think she's wearing a Disney princess dress.

At least from the waist up, she's kind of Belle crossed with Cinderella, right? SPOILER: she doesn't have a plotline so we never see the rest of her outfit. So I will continue to believe it's a full-on crinoline ballgown because she likes to attend Ren Faires when there's no plotline in her life.

 

Sam is dressed to the nines, as ever. When I watched this show the first time around, I never really paid attention to Sam's style. But in retrospect, her ladylike sexiness is maybe the most classic look of any of the ladies.

For reals. Other than the layered bangs, this look wouldn't be out of place in 2013. Love the stripes. Love the neckline. LUV HUH. 

 

 

 

Keeping up her business sexy look, Sam heads out for a solo post-work cocktail in this purple power suit:

Was "suit with nothing underneath" a thing in the 90s? Or is that just something Samantha liked to do? As ever, she's pulling it off, even if her Cosmo kinda clashes with the suit (I think a vodka tonic would match better).

 

Nonetheless, Sam's hot style catches the eye of this extremely rich, old dude: 

No, not The Donald (The Donald: same hair since 1999!). The other dude, the one who looks like Trump's grandfather.

 

But Sam isn't sure: should she go on a date with a 72-year-old? Who's really rich? But also 72? She and Carrie grab a Starbucks to sort this out.

Carrie looks oh-so-NYC in her all black ensemble (but not very Bradshawish, frankly) while Sam pulls out another lovely purplish shade. Is that... a matching knit cami and cardigan? That was a thing in the 90s. A very, very tragic thing.

ALSO OF NOTE: Carrie's clearly got an iced latte, but WTF is in Sam's cup? Did 1999 Starbucks serve mango juice? That was a crazy time.

 

So anywhoo, Mir's still stewing about how MEN ARE TEH WORST. Subconsciously making Miranda even more bitter, Carrie totally flakes out and ditches their ladies night in order to help Big make veal.

There are a few notable things about this scene. First: Carrie is a jerk. She just *forgot* her plans to hang out with her BFF, and didn't even call? And she's eating VEAL, the most politially incorrect meat there is? AND she's SMOKING WHILE BIG IS COOKING?

But who can blame her, really. See in the corner, there? Big has a TV in his kitchen. In the 90s, that's how you know you're rich. A non-flat-screen TV sitting on a ledge in your kitchen. Trust me, that was also a thing.

 

But whatever, Mir is like MEN SUCK! FRIENDS SUCK! EVERYBODY SUCKS! BRING ME MORE WINE, BARKEEP! And who is the barkeep? Just a young man named... STEVE!

That's right! We're finally meeting Mir's long-term love interest, the googly-eyed bartender with surprisingly cut abs and a heart of (mostly) gold. And also a strangely endearing speech impediment.

However, all Mir can see is a potential one-night stand.

 

Speaking of one-night stands, Samantha's hitting it off with Old Man Time. She's mainly interested because he's super-rich — I  mean, maybe not TV-in-his-kitchen-rich, but rich enough to give her a buttload of jewelry. Sam's like, "I can put up with his liver spots if I keep getting this ish!"

I'll give Grampa props here: he knows that Sam's all about the cream-and-nude coloured everything. He gifts her a mixture of pearls and diamonds that has her swooning (and which matches her sparkly, nude-coloured bodycon dress perfectly). How conveeeenient that she wasn't already wearing a bracelet, earrings, or a necklace. Almost like she knew she'd be getting a gift, or two, or three.

But I'm not sure from her body language whether she's into him or not.

SPOILER: after seeing his saggy old man bum, she fakes food poisoning and runs away. The myth of the woman who meets a guy in a bar and lives happily ever after? 

 

Meanwhile, Steve is doing his best to bring the myth of the one-night-stand that turned into a relationship to life. His strategy is full-on stalking.

Mir is less than impressed with this Ryan-Gosling-in-The-Notebook-style persistence (defined as: persistence from a cute guy who you secretly want to date, not from an actual stalker). Nonetheless, Steve weasels his way into an invite to hang with the SATC ladies that night at DENIAL — the latest club on this show with a smack-you-over-the-head name.

 

Also invited to join the ladies at Denial? Big! Carrie's psyched to introduce her non-toxic, wholesome BF to the gang. See how excited she is? She left her bra at home and brought out her best nerps for the occasion:

This gold lame mini is very Bradshaw, kind of like a metallic version of the Naked Dress from season one. However, the rest of her outfit is kinda bland, by Carrie standards. Where's the cabbage-sized floral brooch? The 25 necklaces? The feathered headpiece?

 

But then! Big busts the myth of the toxic relationship that fixes itself because he's TOTALLY NOT GOING TO HANG OUT WITH HER AND HER FRIENDS!

And yeah. That's the emotionally manipulative turdbox I remember. Carrie's so sad. She has to throw on her... see-through lace... rain poncho? And walk to Denial all alone.

 

A few notable things happen at this night out. Firstly, Charlotte has moved from Ren Faire Disney Princess to urban New Yorker with JBF hair:

Did they confuse her costume with Carrie's from the Starbucks scene earlier? When has Char ever dressed this non-frilly? Were it not for the hairband and the doe eyes, I'd hardly recognize her.

 

Samantha came in full Marilyn Monroe drag:

Maybe she has mixed feelings about dumping a man who was the same age Marilyn Monroe would be, if she were still alive? A man who possibly *dated* Marilyn Monroe?

 

But the big story of the night is Miranda who is KILLING IT in this outfit.

BURN THE HOUSE DOWN. I can't handle it, it's like my little girl's all grown up. Firstly, that neckline is neither turtle nor mock-turtle. That, my friends, is an elegant bateau neckline that flaunts her swan-like neck.

Also? The sheer shirt is sexy, yet grown-up; feminine without being girlie. The bold blue colour SLAYS with her red hair and porcelain complexion. And you gotta admit girlfriend is working that cocktail onion like nobody's business.

Also? Remember what I said before about accessories?

The casually looped bracelet that is possibly a necklace worn as a bracelet? LOVE IT. And wait there's more!

She's wearing...

... a black leather corset belt! And so OK, later shots reveal this isn't the black pencil skirt you think it is but rather a long black gauzy peasant skirt/possible palazzo pants. But from the belt up, this is the best Miranda has ever looked.

See, Miranda's fronting like she doesn't care LIKE AT ALL that Steve's crashing her ladies' night. But if she truly didn't care, why is she dressed to effing kill? Why did she pull out literally all the stops to look the best she's ever looked on this show?

Could it be... the myth of the one-night-stand that turned into a relationship?

 

Oh, also, Big make a grand entrance and comes to hang out with the ladies after all. To Carrie this means he's her One True Love/Boyfriend.

But really, this whole thing was really just another power play by Big. Making her feel bad for wanting him to become involved in her life, so that when he shows up she's so used to being disappointed that she's excessively grateful.

These two may not be entirely wholesome, but as long as that means Carrie stops wearing cupcake tanks, we'll call it even.