Sex and the City: Three's a Crowd

Dim sum, Charlie's Angels costumes and the Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland. Really these are the only times when a threesome is considered okay. All four girls learn this the hard way when they are either intentionally or unintentionally thrust into them. Charlotte begins dating Jack who pops the threesome question while Carrie is rocked by the news that Big was married once to a beautiful publisher. Samantha has an affair with a married man whose wife gets involved and Miranda loses her confidence when the girls don't pick her for a hypothetical threesome. Yowza. Who knew adding an extra person can cause this much drama?

The episode begins with our favorite WASP, Charlotte York, who meets her new boyfriend, Jack, at a charity function. Charlotte looks perfectly lovely in a cream-colored sheath dress, simple accessories and of course, a glass of the bubbly.

It's a classic love story. As in:

"Hey, I just met you..."

"... And this is crazy..."

"...But do you want to have a threesome with me?"

 Errr...

The next day, Charlotte relays the good (??) news to the crew in a high v-neck top and a collarless leather jacket.

Eh.

Meh.

Bleh.

Well. At least she's not Miranda.

I don't want to offend or anything, but I'm not on board with the sentiment that redheads are always safe in green. Especially bright green track jackets and mint green tops while eating green cucumbers. It's not working for me.

Blondie Samantha, on the other hand, seems to always be able to pull off colors that match her hair color.

I love that Carrie, even with sweatpants, a simple blue muscle tee and greasy fingers, still looks the cutest out of the whole group.

Also, she does a pretty convincing job of looking like she actually ate those french fries. 'Cause Real Talk: she did not actually eat those french fries.

Charlotte goes out with Jack in the perfect '90s Teen Movie Prom Dress.

But I'm so distracted by her... cornrows?! Isn't this what white girls do when they visit Cancun?

Also, that necklace is one link away from being a tattoo choker necklace. Every single one of those necklaces better have been destroyed in the last decade.

Meanwhile, Miranda feels left out by her BFF threesome (Carrie, Charlotte, Sam) and decides to make herself even more left out by dressing like a pimp from the 80s.

Even her WTF face cannot distract from this WTF Outfit.

Charlotte discusses with Carrie about the possibility of her taking the threesome plunge in a very Upper East Side Soccer Mom pink suit jacket.

I actually think Charlotte looks adorbz in this outfit. Yeah, it's pretty classic Charlotte aka boring, safe and too-old-for-her. But she looks super super pretty in pink.

Carrie looks great as well alongside Charlotte in a barely opaque lace top, an oversized blue coat and denim capris. Not a big fan of capris but Carrie sure pulls it off with peep-toe heels and her "I-just-woke-up-from-the-best-sex-of-my-life" curls.

Carrie tells the girls that Big has not only been married once before but has also had a threesome with his ex. Oh. Thanks, bro. No big deal or anything.

Samantha looks great in her purple blazer and gold accents but I mean, I feel like she's worn a rendition of this same outfit multiple times before.

Speaking of wearing a rendition of the same outfit multiple times before, Carrie recycles her blue muscle tee but spices it up by pulling her hair back in a pony. "Spices it up" as in, makes it only SLIGHTLY different.

Well, at least Miranda's wearing something new. And she actually sorta kinda looks like a woman.

Maybe it's the lipstick. Or the accessories. Or her "come-and-get-me" face. Now, don't get me wrong, I still think her outfit is hideous. But at least she looks hideously feminine. Does that count???

Samantha runs into the married guy she's sleeping with and his wife (ugh, I hate when that happens!) and looks pretty "c'est la vie!" in her retro shades and boxy coat.

I can't believe it but I somehow LOVE this.  Even with the gross metallic sheen on her coat.

Back to redheads who can't wear certain colors...

Note to readers: when running into the woman who is sleeping with your husband, don't ever wear this outfit.

Carrie decides to investigate Big's ex in this amazing pink wool coat. These are one of those sexy "Meet Me in the Coat Check Room in Five Minutes" coats that looks like you're wearing absolutely nothing underneath. Perfect Ex Investigation outfit.

Sure, she might not actually be naked underneath but her outfit is pure perfection. Nude boat-neck, black knee-high skirt, white socks, mary janes and a massive quilted clutch. Reminds me of what PLL's Spencer Hastings would wear in 10 years.

Unfortunately, Carrie's worst nightmare comes true. Big's ex is not only beautiful, friendly and successful, she's Carrie's biggest fan. And I might even be HER biggest fan. Because even with a meh blue suit, she still looks absolutely gorg.

Bitch.

Unfortunately not anyone can pull off men-inspired outfits:

Are Miranda's outfits even worth discussing anymore? #canteven

Carrie meets up with Barb once again but trades her mary janes in for a blue suit that looks eerily familiar to a certain boyfriend's ex's.

Also, Carrie, your hair! Why... but... sex... hair... love... don't... change...

Even Barbara agrees, in her forest green blazer and bronze blouse. Man, she can pull off green. And bronze lipstick. This girl was born to be in the 90s.

Meanwhile, Samantha's married man sitch gets messy when he calls her to tell her he's leaving his wife. This is a threesome Samantha will gladly opt out of and like a boss, she ends the relationship on her fabulous phone.

She really can pull off colors similar to her skin/hair tone. This metallic cardigan is perfect for ending affairs. Note to readers: if you ever want to end an affair with a married man and his wife who wants to have a threesome, wear this outfit.

Jack and Charlotte attend a masquerade ball, looking for the Curly to their Moe and Larry. Charlotte wears a slinky ice blue dress and a gold mask, looking appropo for an imminent threesome. But what's with the scarf that girl's wearing? Are those Christmas ornaments on the end of it?

I guess not everyone is planning to have a threesome that night. Am I right, Charlotte?

Oooooh yeah.

Sidenote: Jack looks like a creep.

The two sneak upstairs to fool around and are joined by a woman who automatically assumes they want a threesome. Was it the wink? How is that clear?

Unfortunately, Jack only wants to hook up with Miss Peacock over here with the elbow gloves and the really good reading of winks.

Miranda, still insecure about herself, answers a threesome ad and DAMNNNNNNNNN GIIIIRRRRRLLLLL.

Miranda. Everything in this episode has been redeemed by this one outfit. Simple black dress that accentuates her assets (assets = boobs, if that wasn't clear) and a statement necklace. I. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. GET IT, GIRL.

Though Carrie goes out with Big again, she can't get rid of the thought of Big's ex. He assures her they weren't right for each other and Carrie and Big make up. She wears a blue jacket over a simple black tank and red pencil, looking pretty casual for a date night.

But at least she's not wearing the same outfit again. Yeah, I'm talking to you, Barbara.

Even if you are just a figment of Carrie's imagination. 

So, some important lessons we've learned from this episode are: threesomes are most always bad news, your hair color does affect what colors you wear and when you imagine your boyfriend's ex standing next to you, think of a different outfit besides the one you first saw her in. Please. For YKYLF's sake.

Sex and the City: The Monogamists

I find the title of this episode rather ironic, considering the main characters basically have sex with a different person each episode. Ah, but I suppose that is the point - to discuss what monogamy really means, and whether or not it works. Carrie wants to be monogamous with Big but discovers he may not be super-keen on that idea. Monogamy continues to be a dirty word to Samantha, who apparently cannot even be faithful to a real estate broker. Charlotte meets 'the one', and he wants her to do 'the one' thing she hates. And Skipper dumps his girlfriend for Miranda MID-COITUS. Dude, that is even worse than 'dumping by text message'. Not cool.

The episode opens with Big and Carrie acting the part of Most Annoying Couple Ever, aka. "Couple That You Secretly Want to Trip on the Street Because They Can't Keep Their Hands Off Each Other". Come on, you know the one I mean, we've all seen them! At least Carrie is being annoying in a cute dress:

This pink is pretty on her and it has a slight sparkle which, although a bit Vegas-tastic for an afternoon stroll, elevates it from just a plain pink slipdress. Big is wearing an impeccable suit, as usual. They are so goddamn cute...so cute you just want to punch them. AND this is New York - you do NOT get in the way of New Yorkers on the sidewalk, am I right? Get a room.

Carrie's little love bubble bursts when the ladies go out to dinner and Carrie sees Big eating with another woman as they are leaving. When she asks him if he's on a date he says "kinda". Ummm, sooooo...yes? no? I think we can safely say that this is the beginning of the recurring issues between Carrie and Big - Carrie expects things, obsesses when her expectations are not met (which is often), and Big says cryptic things to avoid actually answering serious questions. Ah, ain't love grand?

Oh well, at least she's looking hot when she confronts him:

This blue dress looks fab on her slim bod, and I love the unexpected pop of red in her shoes and clutch. A colorful outfit to go with a, ahem, "colorful" expression (one that basically says "WTF?!).

Oh hey, Sam. Nice of you to drop by before your Easter ho-down. Not only that, but you're pulling a Bridesmaid by matching your clutch to your dress. So it's an Easter ho-down themed wedding?

 

Yee-haw! Appropos I guess, since a "ho"-down would be just Samantha's scene.

This is a trend for this week because she does the monochrome thing again later, only in a colour that's less 'spring flower', more 'baby poop':

Yeah that smell, Sam? That's your suit. And snakeprint top, trim AND bag. I appreciate the daringness, but this is a tad too coordinated for my liking. This episode is about being monogamous to people, not colors. At least the shape is great on her. I mean, the woman could wear a garbage bag and the shape would look great on her.

At the other extreme, Miranda is completely covered up in her usual "man-semble" - i.e. a suit and tie:

While I kind of like the print on your tie here, Mir, would it kill you to wear women's clothes once in a while?

I mean, I'm pretty sure this outfit was taken from my boyfriend's closet:

And he's not even very stylish. (Sorry hun, I love you but just...no.)

Why Skipper left his girlfriend that works at VOGUE to get back with you, I'll never know. VOGUE, Miranda! VOGUE. So, I realize you work in a high-powered, male-dominated industry and you want to be taken seriously but you could take a few tips from Sam here - she has been extremely successful, too and she shows off her assets pretty much every chance she gets! Check out this smokin' red number:

Damn, this makes up for the aforementioned Baby-Poo-Snakeskin-Episode. This woman has like not ONE ounce of fat on her body. Well, they say sex burns tons of calories and the girl has A LOT of sex so you do the math. (Please? Math hurts my brain). 

Someone who most definitely does not show off her assets enough is Miss Charlotte. At dinner, she is looking cute but also kind of "meh" in a blue suit combo.

Ok so the colours are nice on her, but really it's JUST a suit and a top. Nothing special. Honey, you work in an art gallery, shouldn't your outfits be a bit more...oh, I dunno, artistic?

She does go with a little more visual interest on her next date, but sticks to the same blue/gray colour palette:

Me likey the slightly quirky, asymmetrical neckline here and that pop of blue in the skirt is electric, but I don't really "get" the little embellishments on the top - are they bows? flowers? Did you decide to repurpose your old duvet? You could be so hot if you really embraced it, Miss York.

As much as I am giving the ladies a hard time about their outfits, even I have to admit, they do look pretty bitchin' and profesh strutting out of this restaurant:

Hold it, is Miranda carrying a Birkin? It went by so fast I'm not 100% sure. But if so, I take back what I said about the menswear. M...besties??

(Fun fact: I ate at this restaurant when I visited NYC 4 years ago. It's called Remi and I didn't realize it was in this episode until now. So, I have eaten dinner at the same place as the SATC girls. That means I'm part of the group now, right?)

[Ed note: I just now realized I had drinks last summer at the restaurant that Charlotte & BJ Guy walked out of when she was wearing the quirky, asymmetrical top. Apparently, the SATC scouts picked locations with staying power. - Jen]

Anyhoo, after the whole "not sure if Big's on a date" debacle, Carrie decides to drown her depression in a couple of Cosmos with Stanford, and (what else?) discuss the "issue" ad nauseum. She definitely doesn't look depressed in this sunny shirtdress though:

Ok so it's a little maid uniform-y, but still fresh and cute and shows off her fab gams. I actually like the hair pulled up on her too. Oh and look what she's wearing on her feet, boys and girls:

The red shoes again! Well, the girl may not be able to pick one man she likes, but at least she can stick to one pair of shoes for more than a week. Yay for continuity.

And, hey, look who she meets while sippin' on her gin and juice - Justin Theroux - aka. Jennifer Aniston's man-toy aka. super-hotty. Sigh, it's too bad he's wearing his grandmother's tablecloth as a shirt:

At least Stanny looks pulled together. He went a little bit Valentine's Day with the colour combo, but gets an A for effort, nonetheless. Thank goodness for gay men.

Sidenote: So. Much. Colour. in this episode! I freakin' love it! Enough to be monogamous with it!

Remember the Nerps Dress from last week? This week Carrie wore the long silver version to a party at Big's friends apartment:

NERPS!

No, seriously:

Anyway, Carrie finally tells Big that she and her nerps want to "stand still" with him. And he says....nothing. Granted, her question was a tad vague, and he does put his arm around her and she seems happy with that. Carrie, Big is hot and all, but I think your time and energy would be better spent on a relationship with a man that is actually a sure thing: Manolo Blahnik.

Sex and the City: Secret Sex

This week's episode is all about being embarrassed. Carrie worries Big is embarrassed to be sleeping with her; Miranda finds an embarrassing secret about her latest guy; Charlotte recalls an affair she was too embarrassed to take public; and Samantha looks awesome and is never embarrassed about anything, ever.

So, you know how at the beginning of every episode, Carrie walks down the street in a tutu and then is splashed with mud from a bus with her picture on it?

This week we see her photo shoot for this bus ad campaign, and learn that she got to keep the nude-coloured dress.

Like a not totally insane person, she decided to wear the dress not only in public, but on her first date with Big:

NERPS! I SEE CARRIE'S NERPS! NERPS!

I mean, girlfriend's clearly got a slammin' bod, but like... SRSLY? The ladies loyally tell her that she looks great, though Charlotte quickly coins it "the naked dress." That description is pretty much perfect and I don't think I can come up with a better name... or can I? 

Carrie is, as we all know, a fashion renegade but - seriously? That is not even a dress. It is a) see-through, b) macaron-grazing, and as we soon realize c) backless.

Like, I have seen squares of toilet paper with more fabric than this.

She obviously can't go outside just in the dress - the fresh air would cause her nerps would start poking people in the eyes. So like any classy dame, she throws on her trademark rabbit fur coat and some nude heels:

This ensemble leaves Big (in an oh-so-'99 black suit/black shirt/coloured tie combo) speechless:

And after a display of red hot chemistry, they totally get it on right there in the limo - like Blair and Chuck before Chair was a glimmer in Josh Schwartz's eyes. Is there a name for Carrie and Big? CAB? Biggie?

Biggie take their hanky panky back to Big's apartment where... OK, I'll give him E for Effort, but this not what we had in mind at YKYLF when we asked the networks for more male shirtlessness:

Afterwards, Big took her to The No Tell Motel a Chinese restaurant, where Carrie runs into her friend and his date, Libby:

OH HONEY NO. The permed bangs? The half-updo? The blouse with a pattern that looks like it came from re-used nurse's scrubs? THE SHORT SLEEVED BLAZER? Your guy isn't embarrassed by your face, it's your fashion sense - which can be easily improved. Wait, were Stacy and Clinton around in 1999?

Interestingly, after starting things off with nerps all akimbo, Carrie spends the rest of the episode super covered up. My fav is this fit-and-flare leather peacoat ensemble she wore for a stroll with Miranda:

This look is GORGEOUS. The coat, the gloves (chestnut brown with gold studs - very ahead of her time!), even the pigtails are working this look hard. Miranda wears a gigantic menswear jacket LIKE ALWAYS.

Regrettably, underneath this chic outerwear, Carrie is wearing what I first thought was a jaunty nautical stripe number...

... but then she rolled over and revealed it to be an unholy cropped zip-up mock turtleneck. With 3/4 length sleeves. NOTHING ABOUT THAT IS OK.

And then PANTS OFF! It's COLUMN WRITING TIME!

Her star-studded top is cute here but like, what's up with the pants-off writing? Is this like her version of "putting your writing cap on" = "take your writing pants off"? Also of note: she is not yet using an Apple computer, which means that whole episode where she and Aidan have a fight because she's an Apple and he's a PC is totally invalid. ::shaking fist at continuity::

Carrie gets fully dressed later for Samantha's visit, putting on these... grey... capri jogging pants? With plaid trim? Not sure what's going on here, but at least she's wearing pants.

Carrie continues to misunderstand which sort of apparal is appropriate in which sort of occastion. The Nerps Dress is not suitable for public outings, and these pajama jeans (OK, I know those weren't invented in 1999, but Carrie's always been avant-garde) are NOT OK for visiting an art gallery.

Char and Sam are like bookends in their classic sportswear. Charlotte is killing it with that multicoloured chevron skirt and burgundy tee, while Samantha's red tee, casual scarf, and black skirt are effortlessly sexy. In the middle, Carrie looks pissed - but understandably so. She's beginning to suspect that Big thinks of her as no more than her Secret Sex girl - the woman he sleeps with, but doesn't introduce to his friends.

As evidence, she shows how her friend was too embarrassed to introduce her to his ladyfriend at the Chinese food restaurant. A return visit to said restaurant confirms her suspicions as she realizes that every other couple there is secretly embarrassed of their date: 

"OMG my date is older than my father!"/ "OMG my date is wearing a terrible wig!"

"OMG my date is wearing a turtleneck and blazer combo!" / "OMG my date... wait, there's nothing wrong with her. Carry on."

Also adding to Carrie's doubts are when Big refuses to introduce her to his friend they meet on the street. But is that because he's embarrassed to be sleeping with her, or because he's embarrassed she's wearing clown shoes?

This is like... false advertising, literally. She's all over NYC buses in the nerps dress; she shows up for their dinner date in the nerps dress; and then she starts dressing like Annie Hall crossed with Krusty the Klown? No wonder Big's confused about her.

Meanwhile, Charlotte is very judgy about Carrie's plans to sleep with Big on the first date, but should someone in a see-through cami with no bra be so judgmental?

Or maybe Charlotte just needs to turn down the A/C in her apartment.

We later learn that even modest Charlotte has a secret sexual partner in her past, namely, a Hassidic Jewish painter she slept with for awhile in the not-so-distant past:

Miranda's plotline is about as brief and uninteresting as ever. I have to assume that to work through the tedium of her plotline (Mir meets a guy; Mir freaks out over his spanking fetish; Mir gets dumped) she decided to find the Worlds Least Flattering Pants.

Option 1: Pooch-enhancing elastic-waist tapered pants.

The sweater tied artistically around her shoulders? Really? Her top half is at a tennis club circa 1925, while her bottom half is at the gym.

Option 2: Actually at the gym

See, I'd say something about how the gym is a good place to meet guys, so you should try and dress in a flattering manner... but Mir still managed to snag a date with a guy despite a) her maternity jogging pants and b) punching him in the head by accident.

But then!!! IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: MIRANDA'S HAIR LOOKS KIND OF CUTE IN THIS SCENE.

Dear Miranda: soft hair is your friend. Step away from the hair gel and the pixie cut and remember how cute you look like this. Sincerely, YKYLF

Samantha was a style star this week. I don't know if that's because her competition was so slight or because she appeared in like, two scenes, but whatevs. This black halter-neck is super flattering for her athletic shoulders and petite bustline:

And in en episode about people spilling embarrassing sexual secrets, Samantha's laidback statement that she isn't embarrassed about anyone she's slept with was refreshing.

Speaking of embarrassing... Carrie throws a street party to wait for her new bus ad to drive by, and her friends arrive in ferosh outerwear. Seriously: everybody came in either fur or leather.

Luckily, PETA didn't crash the party.

To Carrie's dismay, someone's drawn obscene graffiti on her sexy bus photo. I'm not sure what that's supposed to indicate: that the dress was, in fact, too sexy? Or is it just a continuation of the theme that sex can be embarrassing?

Carrie, like any reasonable person who's just seen her oversized bus photo defaced with sexual graffiti, gets drunk on the street and staggers over to Big's house to confront him. It turns out he isn't embarrassed about her at all - it was just a misunderstanding!

Phew, that's a relief. I was worried for a second that these two would have some sort of obstacles in their relationship. Surely it's smooth sailing from now on... right?

Sex and the City: The Power of Female Sex

Do you remember what pop culture was like in 1998? Everyone was considering how much they would fancy Prince William once he reached the age of majority, Michelle Kwan was a competitive athlete, Tom was filming Eyes Wide Shut with Nicole, and people purchased music in CD format at Lilith Fair (while secretly playing the Spice Girls at home). This was also an age when Sex and the City was considered a daring, experimental series. Before the babies and the shopping montages and the drinking of Cosmos while yelling “Fabulous!” like the word had just been invented yesterday, SATC discussed gender issues and roles straight-up, no chaser, in harsh lighting.

This was also when Carrie was considered something of a revelation in fashion. She was daring, edgy, and wore seemingly incongruous outfits yet made them chic. I adore her kimono here. While I don’t pretend to know anything about kimonos, I like to think that this was an adapted ceremonial one (tea?), or perhaps something women wore daily in imperial Kyoto. I just hope that Patricia Field didn’t inadvertently dress Carrie in traditional Okinawa longshoremen garb.

The other three are attired as they normally are: Miranda is a power lesbian from the Reagan era, Samantha is Mrs. Robinson, and Charlotte is in a forgettable smock of some sort that's utilitarian from the bust down, and missing a whole lot of fabric up above.

When 1998 Carrie wasn't in crazy mode, she seemed to favor simple cocktail dresses with just a shade of flash in the finish. But of course, she typically upped the edgy factor with some risky shoes:

I’ve always wondered, since I don’t wear ladies’ apparel: what happens if the pom-pom gets dirty? Do high end shoemakers have mail-order dry-cleaning services? What if the publishing magnate’s rich ex-wife next door was showing off her new Shi-Tzu named Muffy von Kippling and the little shit shat on the shoe? (That was your tongue twister of the day.) How does one clean off animal discharge off a pom-pom? And those shoes were expensive. Does the shoe industry really hate women?

The shoe was also a revealing first glimpse into Carrie’s financial troubles when the bad man at Dolce cut up her credit card. But never fear, Carrie’s Eurotrash friend Amalita (“a hooker with a passport”, as Miranda calls her) comes to the rescue in her own barrage of over-the-top Euro-wear.

This outfit might cost thousands, but the material screams Chinese mall-cheap. I don’t think the women in Milan dress as ostentatiously in our current global economy, but this look still inspires much of what the rich women in Moscow and Shanghai wear these days.

This is also the air of self-importance they like to throw around at expensive restaurants (once they’ve had classes teaching them not to spit in public).

Seems Eastern Europe and my people from the Mainland will always be a bit behind while trying to catch up.

Here’s the first reason this episode was one of the breakthroughs: Carrie is fixed up by Amalita with a visiting Parisian businessman who believes Carrie is a hooker. I ask you: What part of this outfit screams hooker?

Nothing. It is a simple dress that maybe has an unfortunate finish, but the outfit itself is simple and lovely, even if clearly not a transition piece. It’s just a bit too shiny for the office.

And no self-respecting sex worker would kill a Muppet.

By the way, I own the same boa. It’s from the dollar store, and I confirm that no Muppets were harmed in making that affectation.

Cue Miranda and Samantha debating whether Carrie should keep the money while eating overpriced Manhattan room service. Sadly, they are not dressed for the occasion.

She may be in frumpy sweats, but I am nevertheless compelled by Miranda’s fixation on the salmon eggs benny and spinach omelette. She is the only character who seems to enjoy a good meal no matter how calorie-ridden or allegedly unhealthy it is. (I live on the West Coast, center of organic Valhalla.)

Carrie eventually stopped hanging with Amalita, but not before she had one last skin-tight dress.

While I love the texture, it’s a bit too washed out against her skin and a potentially sexy outfit turns out a bit bland. Meh. Samantha appears to have borrowed the black drape from NYU sorority portrait day. Give her a string of pearls and she could be a Pi Phi.

Here’s the second reason this episode was so memorable: Charlotte paid a visit to Sean Connery...

...and his then-wife, Stevie Nicks.

I kid. That's just how I remembered these guest characters.

I wonder if Charlotte would ever think to herself, “this outfit is all wrong to wear to a business meeting with a man who’s about to paint my vagina”. She's fully addressing the whole hoo-ha theme head-on by entering a barn dressed in a blood-red outfit that can only recall Hester Prynne. This sharp outfit (which is cut like a dream and frames her beautifully), seems more appropriate for a meeting at Miranda's law firm.

Finally, although I’d love to give some more time to Samantha and Miranda, they were not given anything memorable to wear. Observe poker night...

...complete with Miranda's mom jeans. This is Skipper's sex goddess? Then again, it is Skipper, whom I loathe and whose sudden departure from the SATC universe can't come soon enough.

My thoughts exactly, Carrie. Best to avert your eyes. Or perhaps she's lost in thought, wondering what prompted her to buy a sofa-print tube top? I think I know where all her money went.

The third and most memorable aspect of this episode is “the most powerful woman in Manhattan”: the hostess at restaurant-of-the-moment Balzac (what’s the matter, was Hawthorne too direct a reference?). In particular, the best thing was that the woman wore FASCINATORS!!!

Yes, it was in 1998 and really these were less fascinators than they were headdresses and tiny hats, but they were by far the very best thing about the episode. I don’t care what the hostess wore, I only care for the tiny little hats, which I would pluck off her head and wear to Gay Pride myself. So I’m going to end this recap by showing the wonderful collection of hats:

And also THIS:

This was my single favorite look of the whole episode. Not the hat, but the cut-eye hostess gives to Amalita. This is how I imagine Beyonce looks at Kanye’s girlfriend whenever they are at St. Tropez together and she’s texting eye-rolling emoticons to Gwyneth Paltrow.  

It is my happy place, even if it isn’t Carrie’s or Samantha’s.

Sex and the City: The Valley Of The Twenty-Something Guys

Are twenty-something men the new designer drug? If so, these girls have a habit they just can't quit. Carrie see-saws between 20-something Sam and 40-something Big, who keeps asking her out for a "thing". Samantha falls in lust with a young hot chef named "Jon no 'H'" and eventually calls it quits when she realizes that love with a younger man means she'll always be the older woman. Miranda holds steady with her twenty-something Skipper, while sweet Charlotte is approached about her caboose. Yikes!

Big and Carrie keep bumping into each other all over Manhattan. It must be fate! After casually seeing each other at a bris (see? Beshert!), the decide they should meet for a "drink thing." Obviously Mr. Big is a fan of Carrie's crimson suit jacket. I bet he would have asked her out for a real date if she was able to get her hair in check.

Carrie seems really confused by the invitation for a "drink thing." Is it a date? A friend date? What is going on?

Clearly distraught, she settles on fur and frizz for the evening. 

Helping her negotiate the uneasiness of her "thing" are Charlotte in a classic chocolate brown wool car coat  (love!) and Miranda, who appears to have a hot date with the law library. 

Watching Carrie check her answering machine (remember those?) makes me really happy for a variety of reasons:

1. I'm glad that I am married and don't have to decipher voicemails from potential suitors. Even Miranda is stumped...or possibly annoyed because Carrie has been obsessing ad infinitum.

2. I am thrilled that we now have the ability to text. Waiting in line to check your machine? Nowadays we can unravel the meaning of our messages in private, as God and Steve Jobs intended.

 
3. The large fur coat is gone! It has been replaced with an adorable one shoulder LBD. Now that is what you wear for a "thing." From the neck down, Carrie looks stunning and very current. But I'm still not sold on the hair, or the obsessing.

My feelings exactly, Miranda. Just you wait until 2003 or so. You're going to love SMS!

Samantha is oozing over Jon (no "H") the chef. This twenty-something chef is spending his restaurant opening in a dark corner getting flambéed with his sexy upper-thirties PR girl. Interesting move. Almost as interesting as his hair cut and Samantha's royal blue shoulder padded suit. And by "interesting" I mean "disturbing", on all accounts.

Since Big only showed up to their "thing" for about ten minutes, Carrie decides to dial down and mack with a  twenty-something. Enter Sam, Chef Jon's friend. Sam is wild, fun, and has a tongue ring. He also knows "all of the important B people"- bartenders, busboys, and bouncers. Oh My!

Sam also knows a good leather jacket when he sees one. Ok, Carrie. I'm on board with this latest development.

The next morning, Carrie and Samantha trade war stories about dating quarter lifers while both wearing rather sexy negligees. Which do I love more? Carrie's melon nightie, her chic eye mask, or her Zach Morris phone? It's so hard to choose!

Actually, I think I prefer Samantha's luxurious cream colored slip and silk robe. It is absolutely lovely. I bet she has matching marabou fur slippers and handcuffs. Just a hunch.

And did you notice she matches her phone? That is not an accident, my friends.

I think Carrie should stop thinking about guys and start thinking about ties…. particularly the skinny tie Miranda's wearing. Holy 90s power dressing.

But seriously, Miranda is a better dressed man than all these guys in their twenties. Why all the hype? Particularly with these characters on the loose:

Let's review. We have:
1) Guy with a horrible hat and a horrible attitude.
2) Guy who admires thirty-something women for their ability to go to third base and recommend fine wine.
3) Guy who dates older ladies because they remind him of his mom.
4) Skipper.

And Mr Underage, who can't even vote.

I don't know, ladies. I'd call those slim pickins'.

Undeterred by the lame-os in the park, Carrie skipped lunch with her editor to meet Sam at Banana Republic for a spot of shirt shopping. As a former Banana Republic employee, I will tell you that love bird shopping is quite common. Dates cozy up to each other near the denim wall or steal a kiss near the khakis all the time.

Oh, and look - they appear to be wearing coordinating autumnal tops from the 1998 Fall Preview line. How romantic.

Apparently they got carried away in the dressing room, what with all the by skinny mirrors, chinos, and fluorescent lighting. It happens.

"Excuse me, this isn't the Gap!"

You tell 'em, fellow BR employee. If I were your manager, I'd back you up.

Post-dressing room make out session, Carrie is off to attempt #87 for a "thing" with Big. While the tight teal dress earns high marks, I'm still underwhelmed by the hair situation. Was this filmed during a particularly humid week in Manhattan?

But wait! The "thing" is derailed yet again, this time by an emergency call from Charlotte. 

This is not the type of discussion that should be had while wearing a silk blouse and cautious pencil skirt. Nor is it the type of conversation that should be had near a pile of taupe throw pillows and matching fresh flowers. No, this calls for the back of a cab. A dirty, dirty cab.

Safely ensconced in the back of a taxi, Charlotte lets slip: her boyfriend wants to let something else slip. Samantha is all for it! According to her a "hole is just a hole." Miranda wonders if this relationship has a future. And Carrie - much to the chagrin of her cab driver - lights up a cigarette.

"Sir, we are talking up the butt. A cigarette is in order."

Well, all that talk must have excited Carrie. She and her fur coat ran right to her twenty-something man, Sam.

But oh what terror we see upon the harsh light of day! Tip-toeing around through filth and mannequins, Carrie finds neither coffee nor a cleaning lady. Snaps to the set dressers for creating the most terrible apartment ever. I'll bet that was fun.

Hmmm…. anything edible in the sink? I'll pass.

The Pièce de résistance came in the restroom. No toilet paper, Carrie was forced to drip dry. This indignity is too much for her to bear.

Twenty-something guys come with twenty-something apartments. Noted.

The horrors of said apartment drove Carrie to some retail therapy, but it seems to have failed her, and me. These shoes are not making me feel better. In fact, the blue hue and stenciled flowers remind me of the apartment.

Fresh from her shopping spree, Carrie ran into Big and agreed to go on another "thing". Truths: 1) she's still in the fur coat, 2) he's in a grey jacket, 3) they will probably never go on a "thing".

You guys, dating is exhausting. Better to just marry the next person you see.