Grief - Part 1 of 2 - Beez In The Trap

Y’all, we are just ONE episode away from closing out the first season of Revenge (!!!), and can I just say it’s been a pleasure riding this emotional rollercoaster with you? I remember recapping the first episode and thinking, “...this shit is going to be out of control”. From the flashbacks, to the plot twists, the forgettable character introductions and, of course, the Red Sharpie of Doom, I’ve loved every minute. Now down to business, namely the business of straight up murder. Emily’s finally got a lead on the White Haired Man so naturally she’s charging in head first and using Nolan as a human shield. Charlotte’s gotten all 12-Steppy which is great to see, but she obviously just needs to detox from her family. Daniel has totally owned his role as New Suit on the Block, while Ashley’s back to planning lavish parties/weddings. And the real dramz this week? Well, it starred Jack and the other stunning natural blonde in the Hamptons - Sammy. 

Poor Charlotte. Seriously. The girl starts off as a Plastic, wearing rompers and sundresses, graduates to Grayson Couture, and finds out that not only is she the product of an affair, but that her family is like an upper-class version of The Departed. Yet with all that material to work with, she’s about as lively as frat boy after a flip cup tournament. The skirt blouse combo is great, although the no-sleeve thing feels out of place. You can’t see in this shot but she’s also rocking knee-high boots which feel a little forced. 

Declan, did you borrow one of Nolan’s bomber jackets from 2002? He’s already paying your tuition, did you need to raid his closet as well? Not that it looks terrible on Declan, but I’ve never liked coats for dudes with wool collars. Ever. Someone get this boy a scarf.

Alright, Charlotte does a classic storm-out during the “family” therapy session at Grayson Manor and immediately heads to Declan’s. But there’s one (predictable) problem: the hot girl from school is over and walks out of the shower JUST as Charlotte tells Declan she loves him. Classic Soap Move. For some reason, Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me” kept playing in my head. Thus, a caption was born.

Oh, hey Victoria’s stunning coat, I didn’t see you come in. It could be the light playing tricks, but I swear those buttons are tortoise shell. And if they are, then a series of windmill snaps is in your favour, Queen V.

Whatever happened to my polo loving, prepster peppered man-boy Daniel Grayson? He’s gone all corporate. Sure, the man can wear the hell out of suit, but I refuse to believe the men in this show go from suit to pyjamas. Where’s the in-between, paint stained sweats? At any rate, Daniel’s combo of blue and brown (at least I see brown) is effortless and didn’t make me vom like that 2008 trend where everything was powder blue and chocolate brown. 

Numba. One. Stunna. Victoria Grayson, you have worn many, many vacuum sealed dresses in your time, but this one takes the cake and eats it alone in a closet during your 22nd birthday party. The scarlet colour is a beauty and simply accessorizing with a gold bracelet is perfect. Aside from the weird indentation on your waist line, it’s seamless. Actually, it could quite literally be seamless. Fashion Jokes! 

Connie, you’re so sassy this week! Obviously rocking the respectable Republican look, with your sensible cut suit and deep red tie. Can’t say I love the shade of Capitol Hill brown you’ve chosen but the hand on the hip makes up for that. Maybe he’s born with it?

Could shacking up with your longtime fling have something to do with the spring in your step? No matter how you block the scene, Lydia will always look taller than Connie because she is a total Amazonian. Her sheer silk robe that seems to be held closed by willpower forced the “I’m an adulterer” schtick in my face, but I’ve always had a soft spot for the woman who survived falling off her balcony and imprisonment at Grayson Manor. 

Particularly when she wears animal skin like it's nobody's business.

More Kenneth Jay Lane...

Oh yeah, these ladies have some unfinished business. Queen V, not content to ever be second fiddle, heads back to the penthouse to unleash some venom on Lyds.

“Why would Conrad hold onto something that he knows has little value whatsoever. Other than you of course.” - A-mah-zing.

Meanwhile in The Hamptons, fallen media relations officer Ashley is back to organizing and hosting lavish Grayson affairs, including the wedding. Since Emily is in full ninja strike force mode, she couldn’t give a toss about what’s happening. But Ashley does. Otherwise she wouldn’t have shown up in a beautiful animal print sheer blouse and nautical styled coat. Girl needed way more screen time this season.

How did Emily stack up this week against her stylish co-stars? Not very well. But that was to be expected. You can’t exactly sneak up on a man and straight up murder him in heels and pantsuit. Since she has a killer figure, it all looks good on her.

See this grey t-shirt? Get used to it, y’all. 

Side note: anyone else chuckle at her hidden camera in the George Orwell book? We get it. You’re spying on people. Can’t we go back to disguises and Sharpies? (Editor's note: If the Red Sharpie doesn't make an appearance next week, I will be #soprofoundlysad)

Absolution - Part 1 of 3 - Oh yes, it’s Ladies’ Night

Sweet Falcon Crest dramz, y’all. Winter brings out the best in the Hamptons elite as far as I’m concerned. Forget passive aggression, now it’s like a real life game of Clue - I was seriously expecting someone to get clubbed with a candlestick in the Grayson’s Conservatory. The big news is that Daniel is out of prison and in way over his head with Daddy’s widdle secrets. Charlotte got busted for prescription drug use at school (no thanks to Declan) and can’t seem to let go of the whole “being David Clarke’s daughter” thing. I noticed this week that Jack is flying fast and loose with the info about being on the beach when Tyler was shot. That’s fine and all but just to be clear, the case doesn’t “close” just because Daniel’s set free. They could still frame you, you big, dumb handsome slab of handsome. All that said, I think my favourite moments from this week were Emily getting back to her sleuth-y Revenge (!!!) roots. I love a half-assed costumed caper! Oh, and of course Nolan’s “dead” aunt pulling a shotgun. That was just hilarious.

So, Charlotte... let’s talk. Your school uniform is not by choice. I get that. But what overpriced private school can’t match a skirt to a wine-coloured vest? There are so many more plaids to choose from, yet they went with one that’s predominantly blue? Burgundy is one of the easiest colours to complement. Seriously. You got hosed, girl. 

At least her own personal wardrobe is bangin’. This. Dress. For. Reals. Dark grey and almost tweedy? Cinched with a skinny black leather belt? Sure, it kind of looks like you’re covered in asbestos... but it’s a fine looking asbestos. I wonder why Charlotte never really curls her hair? It’s just like Victoria’s - straight with a little volume on the ends. It’s winter girl, try pumping that ‘do up.

Say what you will about the Grayson women, they sure know how to dress for bed. I have to be honest - I totally want Charlotte’s grey silk robe. Not for the floral patterns. Just because it’s hard to find a nice grey silk these days. Victoria’s lacey number... well... it’s cute?

But wait... is Victoria’s lace garment actually meant for daylight and the general public? Oh yes, friends. Girlfriend wears it proudly as her son is interviewed by a primetime investigative journalist. If your family is on the verge of a federal investigation and you'd prefer to wear something lacey and backless over a smart, conservative pant suit, we've got the look for you.

More Valentino...

And you know what?

OK, we’re used to Queen Vic strutting about in body wraps that pass for dresses, but that revealing little number is just one step beyond werking it. Because I seriously feel like you’re working hard to pull it off. You are not on your way to an after party for the 40+ crowd at Coachella. You’re trying to look warm and friendly so the public doesn’t turn on your family who is at the centre of a full scale federal investigation. I mean, whatever happened to this look?

Victoria wore one accessory this week that made me windmill snap - and it was these purple leather gloves. Because DAMN SON.

Chuck knows what I'm talking about.

Aside from dressing like a future Rihanna trying to recapture her youth, Queen Vic also managed to ruin Ashley’s life this week! Poor little British crumpet thought she had a sweet media relations job lined up with the Grayson family lawyer. Here’s Ashley looking so seriously amazing in an emerald dress with her signature gold bracelet that could take down at least one security guard.

And here’s Ashley looking cute and hopeful in this black (possibly) velvet top with a sheer collar that’s a sheer throwback to early 90s formal wear. I swear I saw Alexa Chung wear this six months ago. But whatever, Ashley’s all, “I’m leaving this labyrinth of crazy bitches to start a new life”.

And here’s Ashley scowling on her iPad after getting fired from her media relations job because Victoria’s reference was that she was “a little tricky”. Seriously ouch times.

Of course, every cloud has a silver lining. In this case, it came in the form of silver daddy Conrad who gave Ashley a new silver Lexus in exchange for working at Grayson Global. Girl was clearly desperate and took it. Here’s a thought Ash: if the ex-wife of the man who just hired you could wipe out your future by snapping her fingers, wouldn’t you be a little wary of him? Nope? Alright, well you look fantastic in this rare H to T shot. A patterned skirt and a long trench? Girl, you crazy.

Justice - Part 1 of 2 - Where are they now?

Months have passed since we last caught up with the Hamptons’ finest. Summer has turned to Fall has turned to picturesque New England winter. Daniel is finally on trial; Victoria is as conniving and haggard looking as ever; Charlotte has quite the recreational drug problem; Nolan is tech mogul turned restaurateur; Jack is off on an epic search for Fauxmanda, who is who knows where with Revenge (!!!) Sensei (seriously, am I the only one who can’t wait to see where that B plot line ends up?); and Emily? Well, she’s revenging as hard as ever and looking fierce in the process.

It’s no surprise that a trial for the infamous Daniel Grayson would be a bit of a circus, but the reenactment scene? Complete with white tuxes and finger guns? Please. Now, I’m no law expert, but my armchair expertise tells me that real trials are not nearly as exciting and as dramatic as this one seems to be. But I digress.

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At least the whole fam is looking pretty rock-star to match the proceedings.

That ladies and gentlemen, is how you do a murder trial.

Speaking of how to do murder trials, can we also take a moment to admire Brooks’s complementary/contrasting use of patterns? That is one sharply dressed lawyer.

Moving along. Poor Ashley (speaking of intriguing B plots…) is relegated to the spokespuppet role for the Graysons and forever left just slightly out of focus/obscured from the camera. Week after week, hands-down, Ashley is the best dressed - at least from what we get to see of her. I actually feel like it’s a bit of a thing or something- the Revenge (!!!) wardrobe department knocks it out of the park every week with the girl yet all we get are partial glimpses of her awesome outfits.

Glimpse #1- The gorgeous red coat

Side angle #2- totally appropriate yet still chic grey dress

Totally obscured shot #3- the gorgeous yellow shirt.

Speaking of awesome outfits, I have to say, Victoria looked quite well put together this week. She wears the doting mother role and a long sleeve dress quite well.

 This little red number is quite fetching.

As is this deep v-neck black frock. Although, she looks down right frightening all in black: pallid skin, black hair, black dress. It’s almost crow-like. And you know what a group of crows is called- a murder.

Contrast that with this stunningly well-tailored white coat and that’s how you wear a winter coat, ladies and gentlemen.

Speaking of winter coats- I think Daniel has been hanging around the Hamptons for way too long- the pea coat, the fishermen’s sweater? He looks great, but come on. Could you be any more stereotypically East Coast?

And also - why are they still in the Hamptons?! I get that Daniel is on house arrest and stuff, and that they were initially told to stay there during the early investigation, but we're past that. Not to mention his trial is in New York City. These people have gazillions of dollars and no doubt incredibly beautiful homes in the city. Why the commute? Isn’t staying on Long Island some kind of societal faux pas, much like wearing white after Labor Day or using the wrong fork for your appetizer course?

Doubt - Part 2 of 2 - The Sidekicks to Daniel's Life

You've got to admit, Daniel makes a pretty hot prisoner. That messy hair and tired look in his eye...

I still can't quite figure out if Emily really loves him or is still playing the Graysons; but to pretend to be in love with a guy like this--yeah, I could do it too. 

Thank you Revenge (!!!) writers for including this shirtless scene. After Pretty Little Liars lessened their male shirtlessness quota, we here at YKYLF have been going through withdrawals. 

Moving onto another Grayson, Charlotte dresses so unbelievably appropriately for her age, the wardrobe designers deserve an award merely for dressing Charlotte like the 16-year old that she is. 

Once again, completely appropriate and beyond cute. Such a sweet, girly dress for a girl that is slowly morphing into what I only expect is a version of LiLo.

You can always count on Nolan for best-dressed and expert layering skills. I do believe a sweater-vest is a new layer we have not yet seen on Nolan. The weather really must be changing--Victoria in a trench, Nolan in heavy knits. Oh the possibilities of what's to come! 

This is Nolan's summer-to-fall look; just add a Nordic-style sweater vest between your normal popped polo and blazer. Boyfriend is working it here in shades of blue... 

... then knocks it out of the PARK with this lobster-patterned sweater vest. LOBSTER SWEATER VEST. The only other person I can imagine pulling off a garment like this would be PLL's Spencer "Horse Sweaters" Hastings. The plaid pocket on this one, matching the red-and-white striped shirt?

Welcome back, sir. 

This is the look that Ann thought at first was a turtleneck layered inside of a shirt... turns out, his shirt is just so unbuttoned it casts a huge shadow all over his neck region. For Nolan, this is a low-key ensemble. One shirt? No vest? Only one pattern? This must be his version of sweats.

Speaking of sweats, look at what that fire did to poor Mason. It burned his desire for cravats, bowties and pocket squares and replaced it with a four-pack of wine coolers. If that's just not the saddest thing you've ever seen...

(Also: check out Nolan's two-toned spectator shoes, striding into the frame like Ronald McDonald just came on the scene.)

Here Mason is again, Giving Nolan a run for his money. So nice to see he's got his groove (and bow ties, and faux-Truman Capote style) back.

Silk cravat. These guys are bringing the unexpected way more than the ladies this week.

OMG. Did Connor pull this from his old Gossip Girl wardrobe? Eerily similar to the St. Jude's uniforms he use to wear....

On the complete opposite of the wardrobe spectrum, Jack gives us the everyman look. He does make a zip-up look pretty dang good. 

Enough of the boys. Why can't we see more of Ashley? She is my favorite. Look at that color-blocking on her top. Check out those earrings!

Next to Nolan, she has the best wardrobe on this show. And we get to witness it for a maximum of five seconds per episode. Such a shame. 

Lastly, we've got the mystery man. Who is he? 

OK, we sort of know who he is - he's the guy who beat up Jack and arranged the hit on Daniel. But what's his deal? I wouldn't mind learning more about him. I do love me some bad boys... 

Scandal - Part 3 of 3 - I Am The Warrior

In case y’all didn’t catch my title theme, the episode was named “Scandal” so I chose one of favourite 80s tunes by the band Scandal. Hold your applause.

So... Emily ripped it UP this week on the fashion front. I was pouring wine left and right trying to keep up with her. I don’t feel compelled to recap that goddamn red dress that we’ve seen since Day One, so I’m jumping right into this scene at Casa di Nolan.

Oh. My. God. She looks like she just closed a merger, ordered a hit on someone, and is ready to win a groundbreaking court case. The buttons... the belt... the colour... someone deserves some z-snaps but it was too early in the episode, so I held back.

And I’m glad I showed restraint because this next outfit is where I went from a quiet, relatively buzzed, viewer to an audience member at a Maury taping.

NO YOU DID NOT. Oh Sweet Fancy Moses, Emily Thorne - you are the new queen of the beach. From head to toe, you are working this look like none other. It’s Wall Street meets Hamptons realness, and Emily is just working those pants to the bone. And that gold belt clasp? You’re getting a full-on windmill snap, honeychild.

I defy anyone to have a problem with this outfit. If you do, send me an email or hit me up on Twitter. But prepare for a battle, because I would invest stock in this look.

While Emily is making regular women around the world weep, her BFF Ashley is grabbing at every career opportunity that comes her way. Suddenly you go from lackey to PR champ overnight? Right... totally not suspicious. Ashley, you’ve already committed the cardinal sin of a PR specialist in the media - wearing the same thing twice.

And who thought this was a flattering camera angle for anyone? Maybe Karl Malden. Maybe.

I would like a moment of silence for Ashley’s Forgotten Wardrobe Item of the Day. Specifically, this mustard pencil skirt. It’s gorgeous and such a nice colour on her, and yet they only show it briefly in the courthouse and from that hideous top down shot.

At this point, I can’t even complain anymore. I can only laugh at the fact that the five shirts Jack owns have been featured more than Ashley’s stunning wardrobe. Priorities.

By the way, I thought the judge at Daniel’s hearing was kind of hilarious. Since none of the main cast wore pearls this week, the show managed to sneak them in with her.

So, Revenge (!!!) is still heating up, kids! I mean, what the hell is going to happen now that we know Emily’s sensei man is just as batshit crazy as Emily herself? He buried the two bullets in Tyler, gave Daniel a serious concussion, kidnapped Fauxmanda, and he’s had Nolan in his pocket this whole time? I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but I don’t think everything is going to wrap up nicely for Emily Thorne. Especially when he’s all, you know, better at kung-fu than you.