Reckoning - Part 1 of 3 - Fifty Shades of Grayson

OH MY DRAMZ, y'all. So much happened this week, I was like, "OMG What a great episode!" and then I looked at the clock and saw I was only 20 minutes in. They packed like a season's worth of BANANACAKES into this thing.

What other show includes unexpected pregnancies, ninja fights, drug overdoses, plane explosions AND surprise back-from-the-dead mothers? NO OTHER SHOW! This is the show that TV was invented for, basically. 

Let's begin with a quick game of When Did Daniel Turn Into Conrad?

Round 1: Suit Up!

Conrad's sitting here like a boss in his gigantic, Wall Street 3: Money Still Ain't Sleeping office. The paisley tie is slightly more interesting than his usual PLAIN RED TIE or PLAIN BLUE TIE, but still pretty bland.

Daniel's modelling one of his custom-made Herve Leger bandage suits (probably ordered by Queen V, who buys this shizz in bulk). He looks much younger and hipper than Conrad, yet still with that steely-eyed Grayson business flair.

PS - did we know Daniel had this finger tattoo?

One time, he was frolicking on the beach with Emily and revealed a side-rib tattoo. Now this finger tattoo? Not very Daniel Grayson, but then again, we didn't see him during his Serena van der Woodsen-esque lost years of alcoholism/hit-and-running. They could be a reminder of days gone by, such as, when he was dating Miley Cyrus?

Round 2: Casualwear

We all know that Conrad's version of casualwear is... a suit and tie. I believe in the flashback episode, we saw him in a freshly-ironed polo shirt, but otherwise, he's all starchy collars and well-tailored suits. His long camel coat here is, therefore, an excellent touch:

It doesn't hurt that Lydia's smoldering up the background in that killer red ensemble. But we'll get to her in part 2.

Daniel, wallowing in his post-Emily-break-up phase, suddenly appears to be wearing one of Rufus Humphrey's cast-off shawl-neck sweaters:

I mean, with that body and that face, he could show up in one of Dorota's maid outfits and look dressed to kill, but seriously? You thought you could hang onto Emily dressing like this? That sweater looks neither cozy nor particularly warm, and too tight for a sweater. Maybe it's an Herve Leger bandage sweater, borrowed from Queen V?

Round 3: Sad Hugs

Conrad embraces Lydia with a steely glint in his eye not once, but twice:

 This is how you do a Revenge sad hug (crossed with a bit of The Godfather style Judas kiss).

Daniel's still an amateur at this move:

You're not supposed to look like a puppy ready to run after a ball, Daniel. You're supposed to look sad-yet-evil. Don't worry, Emily can show you how to -- oh, wait, she totally Red Sharpie'd your heart. You jerk.

Round 4: Whisky 

Both Grayson men drink whisky while thinking sad thoughts about their lost loves - Conrad about the two women who he TOTALLY JUST GOT BLOWN UP, Daniel about his fiance who left him after destroying his family.

 Yeah, I'm noticing a definite family resemblance here.

In much the same manner, Charlotte's doing her best Mini-Queen-V (Princess C?) routine this week, first rocking some serious outerwear:

Love the fit-and-flare on that jacket. I mean, she's still not up to Blair/Serena levels of uniform deconstruction, but it's a start.

Her school uniform really doesn't give her much to work with but she could have made a little effort to customize it. I mean, imagine this outfit with fishnets, or bright red tights, or thigh highs or a headband or ANYTHING.

She's got the Queen V smirk down pat. This is the exact same face V made when she banished Lydia from the Hamptons back in the Pilot.

But then, unlike her mother, Charlotte begins to regret her scheming. In a touching mother/daughter moment, she asks V if she ever felt better after destroying someone's life. "Yes," Victoria said, without pausing. Mother of the year, everybody!

I do like the bright salmon colour of this hoodie. Against all odds, it goes really well with Char's colouring, and complements her lipgloss:

PS - her facial expression is so very Little Women here, like, "Oh, Marmee, when shall Papa return from the war!" I think Charlotte thinks she's tragic Beth, but she's so Amy. Nobody forced you to wreck that ho's life, Char.

She keeps with the same colour scheme later on, adding a very Queen V silk dressing gown to her salmon-coloured nightie for her suicide attempt:

Is it wrong that, looking at this picture, I'm thinking how much I like the nightie? It's sad that Char OD'd and all, but that's a really cute nightie. And come on, like she's going to actually die. We've got enough Grayson maybe-death already - oh, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Oh, Victoria had a great episode this week. I mean, yes, she may have gotten blown up on the plane, but before that? It was like one scenery-chewing scene after another. Check it:

She starts out in (what else) a vacuum-sealed black dress.

It was hard to tell, but it had some large lace cutouts along each side. The perfect thing to wear when you're being like, "Why, yes, Conrad, I am going to sell you out to the Feds! HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW?"

This is the same dress she was wearing when she was all, "Daniel, did you just say Conrad must have had a reason for murdering David Clarke?" and...

OH YES, KITTENS. She smacked the shizz out of Daniel. (In other news: do we know why Daniel went from being a reluctant Grayson to full-on Connie clone? Was it doing hard time in jail? Because like, three episodes ago, he would never have said that to his Mom)

BUT I DIGRESS!

So, next, Victoria's swanning around at her amazingly well-organized vanity (in what looks to be some sort of... closet/room? Is this like the grown-up version of TLG's Sutton's Magic Closet?).

Luurve this white-and-red cardigan.

A H-to-T shot shows that, true to form, she's wearing a sausage casing-esque red dress.

What is with her commitment to tea-length skirts? I'd love to see her in something above the knee once in awhile... you know, if she's... not dead, or whatever.

Anyway, this was from the scene where she was like, "Oh FYI Lydia? Conrad totally murdered David Clarke. You knew that, right?" You guys, Lyds and V better not be dead because it's way too much fun watching V play with Lydia like a cat with a mouse. "Dance, puppet, dance!"

And now, to answer that FAQ: What to wear when flying off to testify against your husband? Victoria answers: white tea-length bandage dress!

We at YKYLF may snark on Victoria's addiction to bandage dresses, but with assets like those, who can blame her?

The white colour combines a kind of innocent thing with a kind of ice-queen thing, and her layered necklaces play to both sides of this look:

Love the cap sleeves, too. It makes this one more age-appropriate than some of her strappier numbers from earlier in the season.

Conrad tries to stop her from going to Washington (to save himself? Or because he knows she's going to get blown up?) and Victoria let's him have it! She's all:

And then she's like:

 

And then she heads off to the airport for the SLOWEST BOARDING OF ALL TIME. As I noted in the mini recap, if you arrive at the airport and Florence & The Machine is blasting and everybody's moving in slo-mo... rethink your flight plans. Seriously. Catch the next flight.

Love Victoria's innocent/ice-queen white coat and gloves, here. That coat is stunning.

I also love the wind machine that blows as she exits her limo. Who does she think she is, Beyonce?

 

But wait, who's that airplane mechanic? Why are they showing him so much?

Why is he taking off his hat -- WHITE HAIRED MAN!!! WHITE HAIRED AIRPLANE MECHANIC!!!

To be continued...

Grief - Part 1 of 2 - Beez In The Trap

Y’all, we are just ONE episode away from closing out the first season of Revenge (!!!), and can I just say it’s been a pleasure riding this emotional rollercoaster with you? I remember recapping the first episode and thinking, “...this shit is going to be out of control”. From the flashbacks, to the plot twists, the forgettable character introductions and, of course, the Red Sharpie of Doom, I’ve loved every minute. Now down to business, namely the business of straight up murder. Emily’s finally got a lead on the White Haired Man so naturally she’s charging in head first and using Nolan as a human shield. Charlotte’s gotten all 12-Steppy which is great to see, but she obviously just needs to detox from her family. Daniel has totally owned his role as New Suit on the Block, while Ashley’s back to planning lavish parties/weddings. And the real dramz this week? Well, it starred Jack and the other stunning natural blonde in the Hamptons - Sammy. 

Poor Charlotte. Seriously. The girl starts off as a Plastic, wearing rompers and sundresses, graduates to Grayson Couture, and finds out that not only is she the product of an affair, but that her family is like an upper-class version of The Departed. Yet with all that material to work with, she’s about as lively as frat boy after a flip cup tournament. The skirt blouse combo is great, although the no-sleeve thing feels out of place. You can’t see in this shot but she’s also rocking knee-high boots which feel a little forced. 

Declan, did you borrow one of Nolan’s bomber jackets from 2002? He’s already paying your tuition, did you need to raid his closet as well? Not that it looks terrible on Declan, but I’ve never liked coats for dudes with wool collars. Ever. Someone get this boy a scarf.

Alright, Charlotte does a classic storm-out during the “family” therapy session at Grayson Manor and immediately heads to Declan’s. But there’s one (predictable) problem: the hot girl from school is over and walks out of the shower JUST as Charlotte tells Declan she loves him. Classic Soap Move. For some reason, Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me” kept playing in my head. Thus, a caption was born.

Oh, hey Victoria’s stunning coat, I didn’t see you come in. It could be the light playing tricks, but I swear those buttons are tortoise shell. And if they are, then a series of windmill snaps is in your favour, Queen V.

Whatever happened to my polo loving, prepster peppered man-boy Daniel Grayson? He’s gone all corporate. Sure, the man can wear the hell out of suit, but I refuse to believe the men in this show go from suit to pyjamas. Where’s the in-between, paint stained sweats? At any rate, Daniel’s combo of blue and brown (at least I see brown) is effortless and didn’t make me vom like that 2008 trend where everything was powder blue and chocolate brown. 

Numba. One. Stunna. Victoria Grayson, you have worn many, many vacuum sealed dresses in your time, but this one takes the cake and eats it alone in a closet during your 22nd birthday party. The scarlet colour is a beauty and simply accessorizing with a gold bracelet is perfect. Aside from the weird indentation on your waist line, it’s seamless. Actually, it could quite literally be seamless. Fashion Jokes! 

Connie, you’re so sassy this week! Obviously rocking the respectable Republican look, with your sensible cut suit and deep red tie. Can’t say I love the shade of Capitol Hill brown you’ve chosen but the hand on the hip makes up for that. Maybe he’s born with it?

Could shacking up with your longtime fling have something to do with the spring in your step? No matter how you block the scene, Lydia will always look taller than Connie because she is a total Amazonian. Her sheer silk robe that seems to be held closed by willpower forced the “I’m an adulterer” schtick in my face, but I’ve always had a soft spot for the woman who survived falling off her balcony and imprisonment at Grayson Manor. 

Particularly when she wears animal skin like it's nobody's business.

More Kenneth Jay Lane...

Oh yeah, these ladies have some unfinished business. Queen V, not content to ever be second fiddle, heads back to the penthouse to unleash some venom on Lyds.

“Why would Conrad hold onto something that he knows has little value whatsoever. Other than you of course.” - A-mah-zing.

Meanwhile in The Hamptons, fallen media relations officer Ashley is back to organizing and hosting lavish Grayson affairs, including the wedding. Since Emily is in full ninja strike force mode, she couldn’t give a toss about what’s happening. But Ashley does. Otherwise she wouldn’t have shown up in a beautiful animal print sheer blouse and nautical styled coat. Girl needed way more screen time this season.

How did Emily stack up this week against her stylish co-stars? Not very well. But that was to be expected. You can’t exactly sneak up on a man and straight up murder him in heels and pantsuit. Since she has a killer figure, it all looks good on her.

See this grey t-shirt? Get used to it, y’all. 

Side note: anyone else chuckle at her hidden camera in the George Orwell book? We get it. You’re spying on people. Can’t we go back to disguises and Sharpies? (Editor's note: If the Red Sharpie doesn't make an appearance next week, I will be #soprofoundlysad)

Grief - Part 2 of 2 - Pound The Alarm

Wait a minute - this is the guy that’s striking fear into the hearts of our Revengers (!!!)? I’m sure he’s connected to some evil corporation that’s got fingers in pies on a LOST-like scale, but I can’t look at this guy without thinking of that awful Jet Li movie from 2001 where our White Haired Man played Jet Li’s BFF. Totes Hilar. Also, that blue is not discreet. That's like... Accountant Azul.

Though it was only visible for a moment, Nolan’s gingerbread sweater fetish was in full swing this week. You have to hand it to the Revenge wardrobe department - they consistently find the right sweater shirt combo that would make most people say, “oh hell no”. The colours are spot on matches and our love for Nolan Ross deepens a little further. 

OK, now that Emily and Nolan have tracked the White Haired Man, she’s slipped into her G.I. Joe garb complete with knife/boot accessory. Like ZZ Top said, she’s got legs and she knows how to use them.

In the background of the in-your-face dramz this week, there was an even more emotional storyline happening. True moment: I read the synopsis for the show and it said, “Jack and Emily deal with a devastating loss”. Naturally, I figured Sammy would be the dying character... but it still didn’t steel me enough against the sadness. Like, ALL the sadness. Jack doesn’t change out of this grey sweater it seems but can you blame him?

Yup, not suspicious at all, Emz. I’m impressed that you were conscious enough to put on make-up before you went a’stalking. What else can I say here? Black shoes, shirt, coat, pants, gloves - girl is ready for a B’n’E like it’s her job.

Man, Aunt Carol just has a way of showing up, huh? Nolan obviously didn’t get his sense of style from her. What is with that scarf? It looks like a peacock was crushed by a cartoon safe. Plus, she’s wearing it in that mom-ish way. You know, the way that was trendy about 7 years ago? Also, just throwing this out there - if she says she’s Emily’s mother at the end of the series, I’m out.

Nolan? With a ‘stache? Well, I shouldn’t complain, at least it’s a disguise. We’re back to the Revenge (!!!) we all know and love: over the top situations that can be resolved using wigs and coveralls.

Since Nolan did a big boy job on fooling the White Haired Man, he celebrated by calling Emily in his most inspired sweater yet. Take a gander at them colours y’all. It’s all about the pastel colours. On the left, he’s added a grey blazer with pink pocket square which is totally swoon worthy. On the right, Nolan’s rocking Casual Friday with not one, but two under-sweater shirts. Please don’t stop the music, yo. 

Oh yes. When I have a son and want to use him as a pawn to ruin my ex-husband’s life, I’m totally going to walk around in this little number. Elegant as always, I’m saying this only one time: Victoria Grayson is the Bette Davis for 2012 (on a primetime network television drama). She’s ruthless, sexy, hilarious, quick and she’ll step on your neck. All while looking flaw free. 

Quick note: since Charlotte can’t stand her family, and caught her boyfriend with a strange girl, she’s rang up her dealer. Odd that he runs his business out of a lopsided lair like old Batman villains.

While Charlotte is travelling down the sad path to relapse alone, Jack and Emily are huddled around poor Sammy. Real moment time: I wept over this scene. The emotions. Jack’s crying. Emily’s a wreck. Then the sad music with the puppy footage? I mean, why didn’t you just throw salt in my eyes, ABC? Heartbreaking. 

And just so we’re all ruining the edges of our seats for another week, they end with a shot like this.

COME ON. Next week is our last episode and recapped by none other than our Revenge (!!!) Editor, Ann! See you then, bitches.

Legacy - Part 1 of 2 - The Parties

Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind...or red sharpied for treason against David Clarke. It's New Year's Eve 2002! And 1992! And 2012! That's a flashback within a flashback y'all (totally Inception-esque) and that means 20 years of style and dramz for us as we dig deeper into the motivations of Amanda (more than just a box of journals and photos!), meet early days Nolan, Jack with bad hair and a girlfriend, Lydia with her cap set at Conrad (10 year affair...well, played Lyds), and Queen V with a serious case of the sads for David Clarke. Of course, no one recognizes Amanda using her real name, so it's no wonder she's pulling off the whole Emily scheme.

As Conrad puts it during this episode - parties are a tax on the rich. And a tax we here at YKYLF agree with because they are so much fun to recap! Especially when it's a flashback in a flashback. The 2002 annual affair is a less flashy one for the Graysons because apparently your busness takes a beating when you frame a man for terrorism and pay off everyone you know.

Shall we break it down by year?

1992

The Winter Olympics happened in France, Euro Disney opened, Bill Clinton became president, Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez and the dude who plays Peeta were born, Boyz II Men topped the charts with "Til the End of the Road", Billy Crystal hosted the Oscars and there were only five best picture nominees (Unforgiven won), and Victoria hadn't started her love affair with the dude she'd eventually have sent to prison.

Oh David Clarke, you were super dashing back in the day. In fact, you even had an adorably goofy side.

Oh you, asking Li'l Amanda, your adorable daughter for advice on tying a tie.

It's really no wonder Victoria noticed you at the party and invited y'all to brunch. I mean, the kid thing is only in theory, seeing as she wasn't so hot on having her own son around when he was a kid (seriously, y'all. There's been no Li'l Daniel in any flashback to date).

However, your taste in friends David Clarke? I feel like you could have spotted that Bill Harmon was a bad apple.

His red sharpie-ing was possibly one of the most satisfying of 2012 (or is it 2011? I'm all backwards on what year it is in Revengeland).

But the lady you're all dying to know "What she wore" back in the day...well...I guess it was fancy for the time. But it certainly is not the Victoria we know now.

Conrad still cut a dashing figure in a tux, but V! What is happening with all that sparkly lace? I know lace is still your thing, but this was not. Neither is the updo. It's nice to know though your penchant for the booze hasn't really changed (although, guilt might have sent it in the direction of something a bit stronger).

There is so much happening. So much sparkle on the top, in the bracelet, in the dangly earrings. So much high ponytail.

Guilt and evil doings must also bring you some style. Because seriously, what is up with the skirt on that dress?

2002

The world gets a break from Billy Crystal hosting the Oscars (still only five nominees; Chicago for the win), Nickelback tops the charts with "How You Remind Me" (and Canada apologizes), the war in Afghanistan and Homeland Security get their start, Princess Margaret and one third of TLC died, President Bartlett is re-elected on The West Wing,  Victoria is still holding on to the empty home of David Clarke only to lose it to Lydia when Conrad sells it and starts a ten year affair, and the gang reunites like a game of Clue (it was Mason Treadwell in the study with the horrible vest) to talk about how they took that David Clarke down.

Well, 2002 is a more subdued year for our friends. At least it is for Victoria. I don't think Mason Treadwell understands the word subdued.

She's chilling out in a wine coloured dress with lace, although, unlike 2012, this is actually her party dress. Not her afternoon drinking or greeting the media dress. But Mason? He must have been attempting to be the Nolan of the first decade of 2000, because let's take a closer look.

There are at least four patterns happening here and two of them are paisley. This is all kinds of a hot mess. The only answer when faced with that outfit and personality at a party? Drink.

Collective "bitch, please" happening over there as they try to one up each other. At least the evil Dr. Banks looked better than Mason in some gold brocade.

I like the dress, but I'm guessing that lady is only impressed by her own company at a party - everyone else is super tedious.

And while everyone is rehasing the take down of America's favourite domestic terrorist and being bored by each other's company, our girl Emily is still chillin like a villain as Amanda and learning that a thinly veiled disguise is your ticket into the Grayson's party.

She also learns they'll say anything around the help, since they assume the help isn't trying to red sharpie them all. Which is probably why Victoria dresses them so horribly.

That cater waiter outfit alone is enough to take some revenge (!!!) on the Graysons. I bet it's that awful polyester that cannot be stained, no matter how hard you try or how much cream of potato soup gets spilled on it (I feel your cater waiter pain Ems/Amanda. BT-Dubs - do I call you Emily or Amanda for this post? I'm so confused).

While the staff room was enamoured with Amanda's more "casual" bar star wear, we totally dug Lyds as our favourite classy outfit for the episode.

More Manolo Blahnik...

Lyds, you fabulous minx you, I don't know where they're hiding you in 2012, but I hope you come back to wreak some havoc and play faux besties with Queen V.

I can't believe either of you trusted the other. But whatevs, that's some serious neck hardware you were rocking back in '02.

Although your best accessory may be your smug bitchface.

I would have thought Victoria to be smarter and catch on to your affair by at least year five (she really should send Ems an personalized and embossed on expensive paper thank you note for exposing that shizz), but that could have been because the cognac was becoming her other bestie.

As I always say, blame it on the Henny.

But the one thing I think we can all agree on about 2002 is that Victoria was laying the groundwork for her newfound mad party steez.

So much better than 1992. And we only know she's going to step it up hard for things like garden parties in 2011/2012.

Speaking of which....

2012

The other trial of the decade has just come to a wrap, freeing Daniel to party with Ems and his family and go see the Hunger Games and Avengers all he wants. Hopefully they didn't make him watch the Oscars with Billy Crystal and nine Best Picture nominees while he was on Rikers Island.

Love the skinny tie and the tailored look, even if you are on the slippery slope to evil Grayson style plots.

And Ems, blonde really is the better choice for you. And you're probably jazzed that this time you get to go to the Grayson party in a dress made of natural fibres with some bitchin' tailoring.

Dress fits you like a glove, as always. I like the navy party wear on you. I really hope we'll get a few winter parties in before the season wraps up and leaves us longing for a Hamptons summer.

And not unlike Lydia, the accessory you always wear best (aside from that great necklace you've got on), is your "Imma take you and your whole famiy down" bitchface.

I'm also hoping we'll see the red sharpie at least once more. Because you were on such a roll.

Legacy - Part 2 of 2 - The Plottings

Oh the what that went down in 2002. Trash talkin', Declan accented, bar fightin', juvie alum Amanda is just a party and a tattoo away from beginning on the path of ABR (Always Be Revenging). But before we could meet her a classy lady (or femme fatale?) Emily, this is how she spent her evenings:

Ass grabbing dates and fish net stockings.

The sheer back is a far cry from her classy dresses that send us into a tizzy. I don't remember outfits like Emily's back in the day.

But this guy? Yeah. That happened.

Totally a night at the Roxbury.

What is love. Baby don't hurt him. Don't hurt him, no more.

Or hit him with a toilet seat. Whatevs.

You know she was tough because she was all about the heavy makeup and the leather back then.

Then again, it seems everyone was into the leather back then. It's all Nolan wore. And brace yourselves: 2002 Nolan is not the Nolan we know now.

The slick hair? No colour? Nary a popped collar in sight? I spy the polo, but he hasn't figured out he needs to pop it like its hot yet.

Even when he changes the jacket, he barely shakes it up by switching the style of leather.

Fur lined, puffy winter leather.

A slightly slicker brown leather.

I think my vote is on biker jacket Nolan. I'd like to see more of that. A different shirt from the black polo and he could have been rocker Nolan.

On her visit back to the Hamptons to read through the journals and spy on the Graysons, Amanda is pretty much all leather jacket all the time as she orders vodka and tonic, hold the tonic.

The scarf is really the only way she changes it up. And not unlike 2012, Sammy is the only one who recognizes her.

That's okay, because I'm surprised anyone could recognize Jack back then with his horrible Dan Humphrey-esque hair.

Holy Eddie Vedder Batman! It really is best to leave that look to the grunge rock gods.

Actually, the bad hair is kind of multifaceted. One minute it's Eddie Vedderiffic, the next it's extra on Freaks and Geeks.

Regardless of the look, there is one thing I think we can all agree on: that is some mothereffing bad hair.

That's the kind of hair that gives hairdressers and barbers everywhere bad dreams. I love me a good flashback, but I hope we don't have to suffer through that hair again.

We need something to take our minds off of it. How about some Li'l Declan??

Awwww....adorbs! And still dressing like American Apparel is the only store on earth. Some things never change. (Although...how old is he here? Charlotte isn't born yet and they're in high school together...what?).

Fortunately for all of us, the puffy vest trends of the mid-to-late 90s and I guess early 2000s (some dads take a few years to catch the trend) has fallen by the wayside.

Oh poor Mr. Porter. We hardly knew ye or the reason you moved your kids into an apartment above a bar. We certainly didn't know Nolan had bought your land to build his gigantico mansion. 

The other thing we didn't know about before this flashback? Jack totes had a girlfriend. She seemed all normal and well-adjusted. Boring. But well-adjusted.

Of course, that's until she went macking on Nolan because she and Jack want different things.

Lady, for someone with wordly dreams, that top does not scream "I want to get out of Montauk."

Now, before Emily came to town all mysterious like, there was a time when the rich and famous avoided mingling with the riff raff. Queen V must long for those days. Although, she probably doesn't long for her dependence on a hair straightener.

Far too Cher-esque and not nearly as nice as her soft curls these days. Besides, it's easier to convince people you're not totally evil when your hair is pretty (pro-tip from the Hamptons).

But it would appear 2002 was a time of harsh hair and lots of animal skins. In addition to all the leather we've already seen, Lyds was totally rocking the fur and a really tight hairdo.

I think Victoria was trying to soften her look with her outfits instead of with her hair. Which is maybe why she chose this cream coloured blouse of questionable fabric.

So. Un. Victoria.

I know Vic. I know. That blouse is cray. I bet you burned all evidence of it. Although it didn't look too horrible when worn with a coat.

Not as awesome as her 2012 winter collection, but less awful than when it's on it's own.

Two men time forgot are Conrad and Frank. Their style didn't really change too much.

Well, maybe the ties got better. But that's about it. I'm a wee bit disappointed he didn't play up the era and do the tone on tone tie/shirt combo that Regis made so popular. Dudes were still doing that in 2002, weren't they?

And I will give him minor snaps for dropping the polo + blazer combo in favour of today's oxford shirt + blazer as casual wear.

That polo does him no favours.

It's funny, 2002 Frank had better ties than Conrad.

Oh Frank. Poor schemey Frank. I wish there was a way you weren't really dead, because I sort of miss you. Even if you did wear the same outfit for this entire episode.

Because only you would kill a man in his boss' pool house tub and make it look like a suicide. Tyler wishes he was half as devious as you back when he was still alive.

And because flashbacks have flashbacks (you see! Inception!), we get to see Victoria's white silk dress of treachery again.

I can't tell why she's so sad. Because she's about to send her lover up the river, because his daughter caught her or because she wore that dress in the rain. Either way...

But those sads aren't going to get you far with Emily. Because while she may be rocking the bangs and wearing plain t-shirts from the Gap in public...

She's just one tattoo away from bringing all y'all down.

Let the Revenging (!!!) begin!