Revenge: Truth

So, it's no secret that Revenge(!!!) season 2 has had its ups and downs. For every Masquerade Ball, there was a Jack's Bar plotline. For every well-deserved Red Sharpie'ing, there was yet another convoluted Initiative scheme. This finale did its best to tie up the plots we wanted gone, while introducing some new mysteries for next season AND a whole heap of WTF-ery. Such as: Aiden's arrested as a terrorist, until Nolan's arrested as a terrorist, based on evidence from Padma who is suddenly not dead (I think?); Charlotte's new BFF Regina is a benign Crazypants Tyler-level lesbian stalker, but actually it's no big deal; Conrad's secretly been a high-up member of The Initiative this whole time; Emily's been in love with Aiden except for how she's always been in love with Jack. Basically, if you like this show, you'll like this finale. If you find the show confusing, you will find this confusing. But if you luuurve fashion... this is the show for you.

Your Weekly Nolan Ashley

Nolan had some okay pieces, but let's be real. This week's style star, finally emerging from behind large pieces of furniture, is Mz Ashley Davenport. This week she works a white Megan Draper 60s mod shift like nobody's business. Respect.

Girls got legs for days, and should never wear a hemline any longer than this. I love the addition of the blazer as well — she's cute and trendy yet also totes profesh.

She is also the Master of Eyeliner. Behold:

Perfect natural look with a pop of liquid liner makes her ensemble look fresh and young with a hint of vintage — but not at all costumey.

And she gets the windmill snaps and, possibly, her first ever Outfit Of The Week with this number:

Leather AND sheer AND pyramid stud earrings at a political launch? I'm pretty sure no political staffers in the world dress like this, but who cares? The collar! The studded belt! The killer red lippie!

More Jason Wu...

My only issue is that we never get to see the H-to-T. Because, true to form, they hid Ashley's lower half behind a piece of furniture.

It looks like it's maybe a purple and blue kind of stripey A-line skirt? Not sure. And I'm super bummed we never got to see what shoes she's got on, because you know they're epic.

Over The Shoulder Hugs: 2

Perhaps I was distracted by all the dramz but I totally missed not one but TWO Over The Shoulder Hugs (OTSH) on my first viewing of this episode. Both really demonstrate that Emily's heart is not at all in her sham engagement with Daniel.

First, she rushes to see if Jack's alive and gets detained hugging her fiancee. This is a hug that says "Yeah, it's great to see you and whatever but like... have you seen Jack?"

And then later, again with Daniel, she barely even uses her arms to hug him as she's so distracted with the guy who may be Initiative-hired assassin:

At this point, it's no surprise that Aiden saw the writing on the wall. She's got way more feelings for Jack than any of her other possible boyfriends on this show.

WTF-ery of the Week

I couldn't decide. Was it Emily identifying Aiden as Takeda's assassin simply by observing his wrist wound?

Was it Daniel maybe or maybe not killing Aiden, who is a professional ninja assassin, and only slightly staining the wrist of his shirt?

If only Emily was around to provide her professional wrist-wound jedi mind tricks.

But no, I think I give the WTF-ery of the week to Conrad Secretly Being Involved With The Initiative All Along. Even Queen V is like, "THE HELL?? I killed Initiative Helen for NO REASON and you didn't think to TELL ME WHILE HELPING ME HIDE THE BODY?"

So I'm assuming for Season Three, Conrad is the new Initiative? As in, he's the new big bad and I think that's going to work out a whole lot better than having the enemy be a shady and vague bioterrorist organization? Play on, playa.

The Revenging Roomies

Not a lot, fashion-wise, from Emily. Without a gala to attend, she spent the episode dressed in her version of yoga pants and a hoodie, i.e. gorgeous buttery leather jackets, skinny jeans, and equestrian boots.

Seriously. When this is Emily's hottest look of a two-hour episode, you know something's up.

Are those boots? Flats? **dies of shock and disappointment**

Although, I have to give props to not only to her unending supply of divine leather jackets, but also to how she acted so protective with Nolan at Takeda's apartment. Seriously, in every moment of this scene, she's holding her arm out protectively.

Nolan's also keeping it real in that Burberry scarf, though the windbreaker is a little underwhelming, considering what we know he's capable of.

Like, I know he was taken by surprise with his arrest for terrorism but somehow he must have expected it. How else to explain this prisoner-stripe-esque suit?

I have no idea what's going on with his plotline right now, but this suit is making up for it. Mostly.

Declan's Farewell Tour

Much like he was the world's worst at everything he ever tried (drug smuggling, cat burglering, boyfriending), Declan also has the most anticlimactic death ever. For starters: what was he even DOING IN THE BUILDING WHEN THE BOMB WENT OFF? And also: if he was so close to death (his... aorta was burst? Something like that?) then why was he a) conscious and b) able to bid farewell to everyone over the course of what seemed like an entire afternoon?

And he didn't even properly big farewell to his brother or his babymama, he lied like he wasn't dying and then got Nolan to record his final words on his NolPhone. Any sadness I might have had about his death was balanced out by the time he took to die so... let's just call this even.

Faces of the Week

3) Queen V's face when her long-lost son Patrick arrives at her door:

2) Emily's face when she admits her true identity to Jack:

1) Jack's face when he realizes who Emily really is:

Y'all, that was a game-changer. I didn't think this show would have the balls to reveal the truth to Jack this early, but we're now set up for one hell of a season three. Conrad's now 110% evil (so evil it even freaks out Victoria!), Charlotte's totes pregs, Nolan's incarcerated, and JACK KNOWS THE TRUTH ABOUT EMILY. Just when I think I'm out, they suck me back in. Revenge(!!!)... I can't quit you.

Revenge: Identity

Dear Revenge(!!!) — You know we've been your fans from the beginning. However, somewhere between The Initiative, Extremely Boring Padma, and the Jack's Bar Plotline, you kinda lost your mojo. We're still hanging in for Emily's perfect waves, Nolan's fashionz and Connie and Queen V's one-liners. But until you return to season 1 level awesomeness (which we know you can!), we'll be giving you short recaps.  — xoxo, YKYLF.

This week was mainly about catching everyone up with winter in The Hamps which basically means the same old scheming — but now with outerwear! Nolan's out of jail, Emily's got her sights set on The Falcon, Conrad's political campaign is running (somehow) full steam (despite his complete evilness) and Ashley is either working with him...or not. Who knows with that girl? But the main events this week were a) Red Sharpie'ing The Falcon, b) Emily agreeing to marry Daniel again, and c) Victoria deciding to use Nolan to track down her firstborn son, Patrick.

Your Weekly Nolan

Let's begin with the strengths of this show, shall we? Nolan is indisputably Revenge's breakout star, and a large part of that is his apparel. Like these Jimmy Choo penny loafers:

He may be mourning his extremely boring dead girlfriend, but that doesn't stop him from coordinating his footwear with his shirt. 

And then when he ventured to Brooklyn to face off with The Falcon, he went full Ryan-Gosling-in-Drive:

Except with arcade gaming rather than, you know, brutally murdering people in elevators.

Worst Relationship Regression

So, Emily's engaged to Daniel, and joining him for a TV interview where they both talk about how great Conrad is. They are compared to Caroline Bessette and JFK Jr. which is, frankly, not the most optimistic comparison despite a certain physical resemblance. 

I'd go more with a blonde Kate Middleton and Prince William with a fuller head of hair.

However, you know that K-Mids would never wear a sleeveless dress with that much cleave on display, especially in a live TV interview. (Speaking of which — even Lance Armstrong went with a pre-recorded interview. Why did Connie Grayson warrant this live interview?)

More Max Mara...

 

This camel coat, however, would totally work on Kate Middleton.

Or, to be more honest, me. I need this coat like NOW. It just looks so warm and cozy while simultaneously stylish and classic. Thus far, Emily's outerwear wardrobe gets two thumbs up from me.

Best Doppelgangers

Oh, but here's where things have changed from last year. Instead of moping around his bar making moon eyes at Fauxmanda, Jack's now going full vigilante. And, randomly, Ashley's helping him out.

Apparently the writing staff are deciding on scene partners by throwing everyone's names into a hat.

I don't buy these two as partners-in-crime, but see how Ashley's influence has got Jack looking maybe 20% more dapper than usual? Ashley's poppy red jacket is obviously gorgeous and, just being in her company elevates Jack's coat somewhat. He's also had really, really good hair ever since his wedding. So...carry on.

Of course, Ashley wound up going back to Conrad like the most useless double-agent ever, but it was fun while it lasted.

Worst First Lady Attire

Seriously. Conrad's doing a live TV interview to talk about how he's just as wholesome as apple pie, and Queen V chooses to wear this.

No, seriously. Is this what you wear to support your husband's political ambitions? Think of the most stylish political spouses you can — can you see Jackie O., Carla Bruni Sarkozy, or Michelle Obama wearing something like this? RED SEE-THROUGH LACE?

While this is an insane outfit for a possible future Governor's wife, it's also 100% Victoria. You gotta respect when a woman owns her look like this. Though she could at least put her hair up or something.

Most WTF Plotline

You'd think "trading your baby for a spot in art school because you only got one plane ticket" would win this week, but no.

Remember how like a month ago, we learned that The Falcon (or "The Fa1c0n" if you prefer) was the only hacker who was ever able to outsmart Nolan, and has been working with The Initiative for years, and is basically the single person responsible for everything bad that's ever happened on this show? And how The Falcon is the only person Nolan's ever truly feared?

Yeah, Nolan and Emily managed to identify, unmask, expose and destroy her using a scheme that makes Scooby Doo look complex. For realz: what kind of world-famous international hacker is like, "Sure, I'll let you put your USB in my laptop, fellow computer hacker/mortal enemy!"

Even The Falcon is like, "...for real?" I dig the black leather situation she's got going on, tho.

Most Predictable Downward Spiral

This week, we learned that the Revenge(!!!) writing staff are just as over Charlotte and Declan's "relationship" as we all are. Charlotte's only interesting when she's going through some dramz...but that doesn't mean you have to throw her into a Marissa Cooper-style slut spiral every time you run out of plot ideas.

Oh noes! Not a feature on THE TRENDIST!!

Someone needs to tell her that Fauxmanda wasn't really her sister, which means there isn't any genetic reason for her to be skanking it up like this in such an obvious cry for attention.

Best BFF

After Emily and Nolan jointly brought down The Falcon, she let Nolan do the formal Red Sharpie'ing (via his NolPad, but whatever).

OH AND BY THE WAY. This girl was totally not in the original Grayson Global retreat pic:

We see what you did there, props crew.

Hello again, Revenge(!!!): the friendship between Nolan and Emily has become the glue of this show. It's no coincidence that forcing Nolan to spend most of this season in The World's Most Boring Bisexual Love Triangle, keeping him separated from Emily, coincided with the decline in quality of the show. Remember when they were roommates? More of that, please. — xoxo YKYLF

Revenge: Masquerade

Part 2 of 2: Every Rose Has Its Thorne

Ashley may not have been on top of her game at the masquerade, but she certainly had her look together during Conrad’s town hall earlier that week. I mean, she’s basically wearing a leather romper that’s nearly flesh-toned. Who else could pull that off in Montauk? No one, and I’ll tell you why – because Ashley is fierce and not to be trifled with. Her shoes perfectly capture that with the studs and colour match to the dress. Stop wasting your time in politics and get working for a fashion house, girl! 

During his town hall with “the working class”, Conrad pulls out his best Bill Clinton and lays on the schmaltz so thick you’d need boots to talk to him. I’m literally floored that people would even consider voting for him since he comes off as old money trapped in a blue collar world. Normal people liking Conrad seems a bit of a stretch. 

Remember how I mentioned Victoria was pretty clear about Emily not showing up to the masquerade? Well, that little exchange happened in Victoria’s bedroom in what could be described as the greatest fake smile throwdown on television.

Queen Vic is wearing her usual wrap dress, although I’m pretty pleased to see a colour outside the black/beige spectrum. Emily, however, looks stunning in her navy and black dress. I don’t know how everything she wears looks so polished, but she always stands out.

Black roses? From a long lost son? It’s pretty rare we see the “Oh shit” look in Victoria’s eyes, but girl is rattled at this little gift. It’s too bad she lost her nerve so early in the episode because Victoria has some pretty tasty snaps. When she called Ashley “a seasonal trifle”? Even I felt that one sting.

Charlotte wasn’t too thrilled about the black roses either, though she’s in the dark on the whole mystery son business. This girl needs to take some tips from Emily and find a consistent look, or at least some common themes. Here, she’s full on high school Charlotte, but at the masquerade you saw her looking like heir apparent to the Grayson legacy of HBICs. Oh well, at least her hair is always gorgeous.

Oh, don’t pretend like you didn’t know Emily was behind the black roses. That’s just the right amount of camp and dramz for this girl. I don’t know how Nolan lived with her for so long. Just thinking of all the awkward silences and Revengey staring is enough to turn me off.

Now, you’re not looking at Seychelle Gabriel and Grace Fulton, obviously. I hate these lingering titles, but I had to include this shot of Emily in the city with Aiden. He’s working his usual business smoulder look, but there’s something about that scarf I needed to share. Actually, I don’t think I can say anything more than it’s beautiful and I would like to wrap myself in it luxurious fibres forever.

As Emily and Aiden traipse around town and scheme, Daniel’s doing what he does best — getting into a posturing match with Victoria at the manor house. Even in that three-piece, you can’t deny the bro stance he’s working.

Daniel’s suits are so much nicer to look at than Conrad’s. They’re fitted, current, he’s not afraid to experiment with colour — all good things men need to know about fashion. Too bad he’s about as interesting as the sponge I use to clean my tub.

Now that Emily and Daniel are on Page Six (what!?) as back together, Aiden’s kind of left out in the cold. As you might tell from this pop-in by Emily, they’re not exactly lusting to rip each other’s clothes off. Though, that’s probably a good thing since Emily’s jeans are the skinniest of the skinny. Come on, just have a quiet fling and make it dangerous. You’re already on the most dramatic show on television!

While Aiden and Emily deal with the sexual tension on Team Revenge(!!!), Nolan’s slowly slipping into mad scientist territory. We all knew he was a tech genius, but I didn’t realize he was so close to the edge. You can give him credit for wanting to find Padma, but honestly, I’m glad they took care of her. I can’t bear Nolan looking so sweaty and disheveled.

See? Even when he takes a break from his swirling void of numbers, he can’t even muster up the energy for a classic Nolan look. This is a subdued variation and, I hope I’m just seeing things, but it looks like Nolan’s wearing argyle. I loathe argyle. The only shadow of regular Nolan is his pocket square, which is oh so tame.

Look – is he wearing a pinstripe hoodie? Get a grip, Ross! If ever there was a need for a Moonstruck “Snap out of it!” slap... 

Nolan isn’t the only one feeling the mental strain of all this Revenging(!!!). After spotting Mystery Masque at the ball, Victoria throws a fainting spell and totally looks distressed. The next day, Conrad gets up in her grill about the fainting because he wants to know what’s up about this mystery son business.

Sidebar: I’m so sick of Conrad’s whisper-talking when he’s angry. Every line he delivers is just dripping with heavy handed delivery, I just want to throw a drink in his face and never see him again.

We were treated to some pretty fantastic flashbacks of The Young Victoria. She says she was knocked up by her mother’s boyfriend, which is pretty dark even for Revenge(!!!), but I did not expect her to run to a convent for help! Who would have expected The Young Victoria to be a Catholic girl wracked with guilt? You’ve certainly distanced yourself from that past, girl.

Of course, all the flashbacks lead to a very dramatic reunion with the nun who took in Victoria’s baby. The storyline and dialogue were pretty fantastic, but I only had eyes for her Burberry Prorsum emerald lace coat during these scenes. I mean, I actually screamed when I first saw. It’s so vibrant and luxurious, I don’t know whether to build a shrine to its beauty or just cry about never owning one. Adding the black gloves and black bag with gold chain was masterful. Clearly, the standout look of the episode and it only had seconds of screen time.

So, if every episode was directed like this one, I don’t think I’d be able to handle myself each week. There was so much show, so many visuals and just a sickening amount of dramz. Oh, and to cap it all off, Emily shows up to Victoria’s convent sister and tells her she’s pregnant. I have no idea where she’s going with that, but Sweet Jesus I can’t wait to find out.

Revenge: Sacrifice

Part 1 of 2 – Ahoy, Landlubbers

If you’re still trying to process this past episode, don’t worry — you’re not alone. Remind me to never visit Montauk during Labor Day weekend. That’s when people die. Connie and Queen Vic just to need to hook up and get it over with, because the unresolved sexual tension between them just leads to more and more murder cover-ups. Maybe this whole Governor bid will change their fortunes, though I’m betting it causes dramz to end all dramz that came before. At least we can count on the Grayson kids to have a hint of a moral compass. Didn’t Charlotte look totes maternal with Baby Carl? The unseasonably hot weather brought a steamy night of honeymoon passion for Jack and Amanda, but it ended with explosions and — surprise! — more death. Seriously, Emily, it would have been easier to just sink The Hamps from the get go.

The family that buries bodies together, stays together. Even if they don’t want to. From the look on her face, this isn’t the first body carpeting she’s presided over. And I know she’s thinking, “Just put your back into it, Conrad, you big girl.” How apropos that she’s wearing black. It’ll make for an easy, yet stylish, escape.

But wait... why should she escape? No, Victoria’s too crafty for that. After all, this is her house Helen so ungraciously got shot in. Rude. Naturally, Queen Vic steals some of Helen’s things and impersonates her so as not to tip off the driver. Honestly, when I saw her in the head scarf and glasses, I thought “oh no she better don’t!”, and then I was all, “eh, in the long run, how is this the worst thing she’s done?”

The next day, Queen Vic saunters down her palatial staircase like nothing happened, sporting yet another taupe body-con dress. Though people may die left and right, we can always count on Victoria’s personal style remaining the same. It’s oddly comforting. I’m all over the chest peep on this dress — the shape is very elegant for essentially being a boob window.

More Tibi...

 

Even Connie has brushed off the previous night’s events and decides to mark his indifference with a very casual sweater knot. I know having the sleeves tied up near your neck is so totally 80s prepster, but having them hang so devil-may-care near the crotch doesn’t seem right either. No one is that relaxed in The Hamptons.

Predictably, Daniel returns to his suits and ties. After all, he has a corporation to run! These poor Grayson kids... Daniel’s been so run down from all the schemes and whatnot from his parents that instead of raging that they’re forcing him into a murder conspiracy cover-up, he just pouts about his parents being shady. I’d retreat into the same boring suit every week too, Daniel. 

Ashley isn’t privy to this latest Grayson scheme, but when you’re planning the annual Labor Day gala which includes Connie’s political announcement, your plate is kind of full. Let’s all take a minute to appreciate this Joie Rancher blouse topped with a sickening blazer. I still can’t decipher what colour that is, so I’m going with electric coral; I used “electric” because that was cool in the 80s. It’s much more mainstream chic than we’re used to for Ashley, but of course she pulls it off effortlessly. Also, clock those shoes — if that heel was any higher, she’d be tipping forward. Windmill snaps for you, gurl. 

Now that Amanda is blackmailing with the angels, y’all know that Charlotte is going to be Baby Carl’s new baby-mama, right? Or, she’ll try, yet somehow Queen Vic will send an infant to boarding school. Either way, as long as Charlotte keeps dressing like this, I’ll allow it. Her dress isn’t overly unique, but something about the pattern is quite captivating. Adding a day-glo belt is pretty cute, too. I think next to Emily, Charlotte may have the best natural style and hair. She never looks like she’s in a costume, and her hair is always silky and gorgeous.

Now that Helen is out of the picture, our new contact at The Initiative is this fish-lipped little fellow. Even with a dapper pocket square, I can tell this character is going to be an energy drain on the show. I already miss Helen’s bizarre dress choices and Nurse Ratchet-like hair. 

Queen Vic and Connie share my dislike for the new guy. A word of advice: don’t take any shade from these two on Labor Day. They have a habit of making people... disappear on this weekend. 

After dispatching with the new guy, Ashley takes centre stage to introduce the Graysons as the last true Rockewellian family in the United States. I’m sure that hair is bunned up in the back, but I love how she was able to change its shape. Let’s be real, girlfriend has some long tracks up in there, but I’d love to see her with a shorter cut. Nothing harsh like a Rihanna bob, but this Downton Abbey style cut would be just fine.

Don’t they look just perfect? Sidenote: y’all better bow to Charlotte who throwing beaucoup shade at the moment.

After the party and charade are over, Connie, Queen Vic and Daniel share a brandy on the Plotting Balcony. Daniel tries to settle his feelings about his parent’s plan to pin the Helen thing on Amanda, while the other two contemplate serious thoughts like, “What’ll I do tomorrow?” 

Oh, Graysons. You make other soap opera dynasties look like a bunch of temperamental girl scouts.

Read on, matey! Part 2 of 2

Revenge: Collusion

Part 1 of 2: Mostly Menswear

This was one of those episodes that mainly exists to set up stuff that's going to happen later. It was like checking boxes off on a chart, tidying up plotlines to prep for the second half of this season. Finally FINALLY we learn a bit of what The Initiative is up to (besides skulking around in dark rooms): they want a disaster-causing computer program from NolCorp, as well as control over Nip/Tuck's disaster relief company. I guess they're going to cause a disaster... and then fix it? Whatever. That makes 1000% more sense than anything else they've ever done. Also: Conrad's sudden political aspirations coincide with the odious Jack's Bar plotline and suddenly he's making a deal with the Bad News Bears. Aiden finds out his sister is maybe dead (and kinda hooked on heroin) and blames Emily for some reason. Victoria offers herself up on a silver platter to Nip/Tuck, but nothing really comes of that (THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID). Also? Nolan gets his heart broken by Suddenly Evil Padma. Oh right, also it was Charlotte's birthday. Nobody cares.

The episode opens with one of Conrad and Victoria's trademark romantic meals together:

"CAN YOU PASS ME THE CROISSANTS?"

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU YOU'RE TOO FAR AWAY!"

For a caszh Grayson Family Breakfast, Victoria pulls out this wrap-neck top:

While Connie's still working his weirdly playful unemployment style:

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: unemployment agrees with Conrad. If he stays out of work for another week, he may start trying out some freshly-pressed sweats.

Their oh-so-romantic meal is interrupted when Connie's new political aide, former mistress, and Queen V's former party planner Ashley appears!

Like, is there seriously no job available that doesn't involve her living in Casa Grayson? She really needs to cut her losses and move on.

That being said, Ash is serving up some political aide realness in this emerald green peplum number. Who needs party planning? Now she's helping Conrad become the Governor or something! Like, I'm sure that it so totally going to work out well for her.

Party planning is a thing of the past! She's gone from prostitution to party planning to politics in the blink of an eye!

Oh, and then the Littlest Grayson shows up all, "Hey! It's my birthday! Remember me? ... no?"

The show even doesn't care about her. Seriously, that decorated grapefruit is getting a better H-to-T than Char here.

Luckily, we get a better look at her dress when her faux-sister Fauxmanda shows up to actually give her an actual giftie:

The dress is pretty cute, but nothing that exciting. We've seen Charlotte sporting cuter dresses. That being said, for someone who's in the episode for 30 seconds, she managed to make a bit of an impression.

... unlike her faux-sister, who's boring as per usz in this oatmeal-stripey sweater.

Jack is also there, with his usual oddly sculpted hair and a double-breasted button-down. You see how low he's got that buttoned? Turns out he's quite the trendsetter, as we go on to see displays of male plumage from nearly every other guy on the show...

The only two dudes who didn't get in on the unbuttoned man-cleave action were the two you wouldn't suspect: Aiden and Nolan.

Aiden was busy modeling his best 007 formalwear (seriously, dude wore this suit for the entire hour)...

...while Nolan Ross displayed his peacock feathers via a number of truly spectacular pocket squares. First, this expertly folded red square to set off his checked shirt and suit:

I luuurveee this suit. The pattern reminds me of the pattern on a Clue board. Also, you can tell from the single collar that he's at a Threat Level 0. Tragically, this is soon to change.

Can we take a moment to talk about Nolan's shoes? I feel like deck shoes are the new collars for Nolan this season, and these macaron blue ones are maybe my faves so far:

Unlike his usual bare foot/shoe look, he brought some mustard yellow socks to complement his tan blazer very effectively.

And did I mention the blue leopard print pocket square? Because...

BLUE LEOPARD PRINT POCKET SQUARE. Oh, and two collars. That's how you know he's got his guard up re: Suddenly Evil Padma. More on this in a bit.

For the time being, all you need to know is that this week brought back the return of a very welcome friend.

First the Red Sharpie Of Doom a few weeks ago, and now Shamu?? Next thing you know, Cray Tyler will be showing up and it'll be a reunion of all the hits from Season One.