Reckoning - Part 1 of 3 - Fifty Shades of Grayson

OH MY DRAMZ, y'all. So much happened this week, I was like, "OMG What a great episode!" and then I looked at the clock and saw I was only 20 minutes in. They packed like a season's worth of BANANACAKES into this thing.

What other show includes unexpected pregnancies, ninja fights, drug overdoses, plane explosions AND surprise back-from-the-dead mothers? NO OTHER SHOW! This is the show that TV was invented for, basically. 

Let's begin with a quick game of When Did Daniel Turn Into Conrad?

Round 1: Suit Up!

Conrad's sitting here like a boss in his gigantic, Wall Street 3: Money Still Ain't Sleeping office. The paisley tie is slightly more interesting than his usual PLAIN RED TIE or PLAIN BLUE TIE, but still pretty bland.

Daniel's modelling one of his custom-made Herve Leger bandage suits (probably ordered by Queen V, who buys this shizz in bulk). He looks much younger and hipper than Conrad, yet still with that steely-eyed Grayson business flair.

PS - did we know Daniel had this finger tattoo?

One time, he was frolicking on the beach with Emily and revealed a side-rib tattoo. Now this finger tattoo? Not very Daniel Grayson, but then again, we didn't see him during his Serena van der Woodsen-esque lost years of alcoholism/hit-and-running. They could be a reminder of days gone by, such as, when he was dating Miley Cyrus?

Round 2: Casualwear

We all know that Conrad's version of casualwear is... a suit and tie. I believe in the flashback episode, we saw him in a freshly-ironed polo shirt, but otherwise, he's all starchy collars and well-tailored suits. His long camel coat here is, therefore, an excellent touch:

It doesn't hurt that Lydia's smoldering up the background in that killer red ensemble. But we'll get to her in part 2.

Daniel, wallowing in his post-Emily-break-up phase, suddenly appears to be wearing one of Rufus Humphrey's cast-off shawl-neck sweaters:

I mean, with that body and that face, he could show up in one of Dorota's maid outfits and look dressed to kill, but seriously? You thought you could hang onto Emily dressing like this? That sweater looks neither cozy nor particularly warm, and too tight for a sweater. Maybe it's an Herve Leger bandage sweater, borrowed from Queen V?

Round 3: Sad Hugs

Conrad embraces Lydia with a steely glint in his eye not once, but twice:

 This is how you do a Revenge sad hug (crossed with a bit of The Godfather style Judas kiss).

Daniel's still an amateur at this move:

You're not supposed to look like a puppy ready to run after a ball, Daniel. You're supposed to look sad-yet-evil. Don't worry, Emily can show you how to -- oh, wait, she totally Red Sharpie'd your heart. You jerk.

Round 4: Whisky 

Both Grayson men drink whisky while thinking sad thoughts about their lost loves - Conrad about the two women who he TOTALLY JUST GOT BLOWN UP, Daniel about his fiance who left him after destroying his family.

 Yeah, I'm noticing a definite family resemblance here.

In much the same manner, Charlotte's doing her best Mini-Queen-V (Princess C?) routine this week, first rocking some serious outerwear:

Love the fit-and-flare on that jacket. I mean, she's still not up to Blair/Serena levels of uniform deconstruction, but it's a start.

Her school uniform really doesn't give her much to work with but she could have made a little effort to customize it. I mean, imagine this outfit with fishnets, or bright red tights, or thigh highs or a headband or ANYTHING.

She's got the Queen V smirk down pat. This is the exact same face V made when she banished Lydia from the Hamptons back in the Pilot.

But then, unlike her mother, Charlotte begins to regret her scheming. In a touching mother/daughter moment, she asks V if she ever felt better after destroying someone's life. "Yes," Victoria said, without pausing. Mother of the year, everybody!

I do like the bright salmon colour of this hoodie. Against all odds, it goes really well with Char's colouring, and complements her lipgloss:

PS - her facial expression is so very Little Women here, like, "Oh, Marmee, when shall Papa return from the war!" I think Charlotte thinks she's tragic Beth, but she's so Amy. Nobody forced you to wreck that ho's life, Char.

She keeps with the same colour scheme later on, adding a very Queen V silk dressing gown to her salmon-coloured nightie for her suicide attempt:

Is it wrong that, looking at this picture, I'm thinking how much I like the nightie? It's sad that Char OD'd and all, but that's a really cute nightie. And come on, like she's going to actually die. We've got enough Grayson maybe-death already - oh, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Oh, Victoria had a great episode this week. I mean, yes, she may have gotten blown up on the plane, but before that? It was like one scenery-chewing scene after another. Check it:

She starts out in (what else) a vacuum-sealed black dress.

It was hard to tell, but it had some large lace cutouts along each side. The perfect thing to wear when you're being like, "Why, yes, Conrad, I am going to sell you out to the Feds! HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW?"

This is the same dress she was wearing when she was all, "Daniel, did you just say Conrad must have had a reason for murdering David Clarke?" and...

OH YES, KITTENS. She smacked the shizz out of Daniel. (In other news: do we know why Daniel went from being a reluctant Grayson to full-on Connie clone? Was it doing hard time in jail? Because like, three episodes ago, he would never have said that to his Mom)

BUT I DIGRESS!

So, next, Victoria's swanning around at her amazingly well-organized vanity (in what looks to be some sort of... closet/room? Is this like the grown-up version of TLG's Sutton's Magic Closet?).

Luurve this white-and-red cardigan.

A H-to-T shot shows that, true to form, she's wearing a sausage casing-esque red dress.

What is with her commitment to tea-length skirts? I'd love to see her in something above the knee once in awhile... you know, if she's... not dead, or whatever.

Anyway, this was from the scene where she was like, "Oh FYI Lydia? Conrad totally murdered David Clarke. You knew that, right?" You guys, Lyds and V better not be dead because it's way too much fun watching V play with Lydia like a cat with a mouse. "Dance, puppet, dance!"

And now, to answer that FAQ: What to wear when flying off to testify against your husband? Victoria answers: white tea-length bandage dress!

We at YKYLF may snark on Victoria's addiction to bandage dresses, but with assets like those, who can blame her?

The white colour combines a kind of innocent thing with a kind of ice-queen thing, and her layered necklaces play to both sides of this look:

Love the cap sleeves, too. It makes this one more age-appropriate than some of her strappier numbers from earlier in the season.

Conrad tries to stop her from going to Washington (to save himself? Or because he knows she's going to get blown up?) and Victoria let's him have it! She's all:

And then she's like:

 

And then she heads off to the airport for the SLOWEST BOARDING OF ALL TIME. As I noted in the mini recap, if you arrive at the airport and Florence & The Machine is blasting and everybody's moving in slo-mo... rethink your flight plans. Seriously. Catch the next flight.

Love Victoria's innocent/ice-queen white coat and gloves, here. That coat is stunning.

I also love the wind machine that blows as she exits her limo. Who does she think she is, Beyonce?

 

But wait, who's that airplane mechanic? Why are they showing him so much?

Why is he taking off his hat -- WHITE HAIRED MAN!!! WHITE HAIRED AIRPLANE MECHANIC!!!

To be continued...

Grief - Part 1 of 2 - Beez In The Trap

Y’all, we are just ONE episode away from closing out the first season of Revenge (!!!), and can I just say it’s been a pleasure riding this emotional rollercoaster with you? I remember recapping the first episode and thinking, “...this shit is going to be out of control”. From the flashbacks, to the plot twists, the forgettable character introductions and, of course, the Red Sharpie of Doom, I’ve loved every minute. Now down to business, namely the business of straight up murder. Emily’s finally got a lead on the White Haired Man so naturally she’s charging in head first and using Nolan as a human shield. Charlotte’s gotten all 12-Steppy which is great to see, but she obviously just needs to detox from her family. Daniel has totally owned his role as New Suit on the Block, while Ashley’s back to planning lavish parties/weddings. And the real dramz this week? Well, it starred Jack and the other stunning natural blonde in the Hamptons - Sammy. 

Poor Charlotte. Seriously. The girl starts off as a Plastic, wearing rompers and sundresses, graduates to Grayson Couture, and finds out that not only is she the product of an affair, but that her family is like an upper-class version of The Departed. Yet with all that material to work with, she’s about as lively as frat boy after a flip cup tournament. The skirt blouse combo is great, although the no-sleeve thing feels out of place. You can’t see in this shot but she’s also rocking knee-high boots which feel a little forced. 

Declan, did you borrow one of Nolan’s bomber jackets from 2002? He’s already paying your tuition, did you need to raid his closet as well? Not that it looks terrible on Declan, but I’ve never liked coats for dudes with wool collars. Ever. Someone get this boy a scarf.

Alright, Charlotte does a classic storm-out during the “family” therapy session at Grayson Manor and immediately heads to Declan’s. But there’s one (predictable) problem: the hot girl from school is over and walks out of the shower JUST as Charlotte tells Declan she loves him. Classic Soap Move. For some reason, Shaggy’s “It Wasn’t Me” kept playing in my head. Thus, a caption was born.

Oh, hey Victoria’s stunning coat, I didn’t see you come in. It could be the light playing tricks, but I swear those buttons are tortoise shell. And if they are, then a series of windmill snaps is in your favour, Queen V.

Whatever happened to my polo loving, prepster peppered man-boy Daniel Grayson? He’s gone all corporate. Sure, the man can wear the hell out of suit, but I refuse to believe the men in this show go from suit to pyjamas. Where’s the in-between, paint stained sweats? At any rate, Daniel’s combo of blue and brown (at least I see brown) is effortless and didn’t make me vom like that 2008 trend where everything was powder blue and chocolate brown. 

Numba. One. Stunna. Victoria Grayson, you have worn many, many vacuum sealed dresses in your time, but this one takes the cake and eats it alone in a closet during your 22nd birthday party. The scarlet colour is a beauty and simply accessorizing with a gold bracelet is perfect. Aside from the weird indentation on your waist line, it’s seamless. Actually, it could quite literally be seamless. Fashion Jokes! 

Connie, you’re so sassy this week! Obviously rocking the respectable Republican look, with your sensible cut suit and deep red tie. Can’t say I love the shade of Capitol Hill brown you’ve chosen but the hand on the hip makes up for that. Maybe he’s born with it?

Could shacking up with your longtime fling have something to do with the spring in your step? No matter how you block the scene, Lydia will always look taller than Connie because she is a total Amazonian. Her sheer silk robe that seems to be held closed by willpower forced the “I’m an adulterer” schtick in my face, but I’ve always had a soft spot for the woman who survived falling off her balcony and imprisonment at Grayson Manor. 

Particularly when she wears animal skin like it's nobody's business.

More Kenneth Jay Lane...

Oh yeah, these ladies have some unfinished business. Queen V, not content to ever be second fiddle, heads back to the penthouse to unleash some venom on Lyds.

“Why would Conrad hold onto something that he knows has little value whatsoever. Other than you of course.” - A-mah-zing.

Meanwhile in The Hamptons, fallen media relations officer Ashley is back to organizing and hosting lavish Grayson affairs, including the wedding. Since Emily is in full ninja strike force mode, she couldn’t give a toss about what’s happening. But Ashley does. Otherwise she wouldn’t have shown up in a beautiful animal print sheer blouse and nautical styled coat. Girl needed way more screen time this season.

How did Emily stack up this week against her stylish co-stars? Not very well. But that was to be expected. You can’t exactly sneak up on a man and straight up murder him in heels and pantsuit. Since she has a killer figure, it all looks good on her.

See this grey t-shirt? Get used to it, y’all. 

Side note: anyone else chuckle at her hidden camera in the George Orwell book? We get it. You’re spying on people. Can’t we go back to disguises and Sharpies? (Editor's note: If the Red Sharpie doesn't make an appearance next week, I will be #soprofoundlysad)

Grief - Part 2 of 2 - Pound The Alarm

Wait a minute - this is the guy that’s striking fear into the hearts of our Revengers (!!!)? I’m sure he’s connected to some evil corporation that’s got fingers in pies on a LOST-like scale, but I can’t look at this guy without thinking of that awful Jet Li movie from 2001 where our White Haired Man played Jet Li’s BFF. Totes Hilar. Also, that blue is not discreet. That's like... Accountant Azul.

Though it was only visible for a moment, Nolan’s gingerbread sweater fetish was in full swing this week. You have to hand it to the Revenge wardrobe department - they consistently find the right sweater shirt combo that would make most people say, “oh hell no”. The colours are spot on matches and our love for Nolan Ross deepens a little further. 

OK, now that Emily and Nolan have tracked the White Haired Man, she’s slipped into her G.I. Joe garb complete with knife/boot accessory. Like ZZ Top said, she’s got legs and she knows how to use them.

In the background of the in-your-face dramz this week, there was an even more emotional storyline happening. True moment: I read the synopsis for the show and it said, “Jack and Emily deal with a devastating loss”. Naturally, I figured Sammy would be the dying character... but it still didn’t steel me enough against the sadness. Like, ALL the sadness. Jack doesn’t change out of this grey sweater it seems but can you blame him?

Yup, not suspicious at all, Emz. I’m impressed that you were conscious enough to put on make-up before you went a’stalking. What else can I say here? Black shoes, shirt, coat, pants, gloves - girl is ready for a B’n’E like it’s her job.

Man, Aunt Carol just has a way of showing up, huh? Nolan obviously didn’t get his sense of style from her. What is with that scarf? It looks like a peacock was crushed by a cartoon safe. Plus, she’s wearing it in that mom-ish way. You know, the way that was trendy about 7 years ago? Also, just throwing this out there - if she says she’s Emily’s mother at the end of the series, I’m out.

Nolan? With a ‘stache? Well, I shouldn’t complain, at least it’s a disguise. We’re back to the Revenge (!!!) we all know and love: over the top situations that can be resolved using wigs and coveralls.

Since Nolan did a big boy job on fooling the White Haired Man, he celebrated by calling Emily in his most inspired sweater yet. Take a gander at them colours y’all. It’s all about the pastel colours. On the left, he’s added a grey blazer with pink pocket square which is totally swoon worthy. On the right, Nolan’s rocking Casual Friday with not one, but two under-sweater shirts. Please don’t stop the music, yo. 

Oh yes. When I have a son and want to use him as a pawn to ruin my ex-husband’s life, I’m totally going to walk around in this little number. Elegant as always, I’m saying this only one time: Victoria Grayson is the Bette Davis for 2012 (on a primetime network television drama). She’s ruthless, sexy, hilarious, quick and she’ll step on your neck. All while looking flaw free. 

Quick note: since Charlotte can’t stand her family, and caught her boyfriend with a strange girl, she’s rang up her dealer. Odd that he runs his business out of a lopsided lair like old Batman villains.

While Charlotte is travelling down the sad path to relapse alone, Jack and Emily are huddled around poor Sammy. Real moment time: I wept over this scene. The emotions. Jack’s crying. Emily’s a wreck. Then the sad music with the puppy footage? I mean, why didn’t you just throw salt in my eyes, ABC? Heartbreaking. 

And just so we’re all ruining the edges of our seats for another week, they end with a shot like this.

COME ON. Next week is our last episode and recapped by none other than our Revenge (!!!) Editor, Ann! See you then, bitches.

Absolution - Part 1 of 3 - Oh yes, it’s Ladies’ Night

Sweet Falcon Crest dramz, y’all. Winter brings out the best in the Hamptons elite as far as I’m concerned. Forget passive aggression, now it’s like a real life game of Clue - I was seriously expecting someone to get clubbed with a candlestick in the Grayson’s Conservatory. The big news is that Daniel is out of prison and in way over his head with Daddy’s widdle secrets. Charlotte got busted for prescription drug use at school (no thanks to Declan) and can’t seem to let go of the whole “being David Clarke’s daughter” thing. I noticed this week that Jack is flying fast and loose with the info about being on the beach when Tyler was shot. That’s fine and all but just to be clear, the case doesn’t “close” just because Daniel’s set free. They could still frame you, you big, dumb handsome slab of handsome. All that said, I think my favourite moments from this week were Emily getting back to her sleuth-y Revenge (!!!) roots. I love a half-assed costumed caper! Oh, and of course Nolan’s “dead” aunt pulling a shotgun. That was just hilarious.

So, Charlotte... let’s talk. Your school uniform is not by choice. I get that. But what overpriced private school can’t match a skirt to a wine-coloured vest? There are so many more plaids to choose from, yet they went with one that’s predominantly blue? Burgundy is one of the easiest colours to complement. Seriously. You got hosed, girl. 

At least her own personal wardrobe is bangin’. This. Dress. For. Reals. Dark grey and almost tweedy? Cinched with a skinny black leather belt? Sure, it kind of looks like you’re covered in asbestos... but it’s a fine looking asbestos. I wonder why Charlotte never really curls her hair? It’s just like Victoria’s - straight with a little volume on the ends. It’s winter girl, try pumping that ‘do up.

Say what you will about the Grayson women, they sure know how to dress for bed. I have to be honest - I totally want Charlotte’s grey silk robe. Not for the floral patterns. Just because it’s hard to find a nice grey silk these days. Victoria’s lacey number... well... it’s cute?

But wait... is Victoria’s lace garment actually meant for daylight and the general public? Oh yes, friends. Girlfriend wears it proudly as her son is interviewed by a primetime investigative journalist. If your family is on the verge of a federal investigation and you'd prefer to wear something lacey and backless over a smart, conservative pant suit, we've got the look for you.

More Valentino...

And you know what?

OK, we’re used to Queen Vic strutting about in body wraps that pass for dresses, but that revealing little number is just one step beyond werking it. Because I seriously feel like you’re working hard to pull it off. You are not on your way to an after party for the 40+ crowd at Coachella. You’re trying to look warm and friendly so the public doesn’t turn on your family who is at the centre of a full scale federal investigation. I mean, whatever happened to this look?

Victoria wore one accessory this week that made me windmill snap - and it was these purple leather gloves. Because DAMN SON.

Chuck knows what I'm talking about.

Aside from dressing like a future Rihanna trying to recapture her youth, Queen Vic also managed to ruin Ashley’s life this week! Poor little British crumpet thought she had a sweet media relations job lined up with the Grayson family lawyer. Here’s Ashley looking so seriously amazing in an emerald dress with her signature gold bracelet that could take down at least one security guard.

And here’s Ashley looking cute and hopeful in this black (possibly) velvet top with a sheer collar that’s a sheer throwback to early 90s formal wear. I swear I saw Alexa Chung wear this six months ago. But whatever, Ashley’s all, “I’m leaving this labyrinth of crazy bitches to start a new life”.

And here’s Ashley scowling on her iPad after getting fired from her media relations job because Victoria’s reference was that she was “a little tricky”. Seriously ouch times.

Of course, every cloud has a silver lining. In this case, it came in the form of silver daddy Conrad who gave Ashley a new silver Lexus in exchange for working at Grayson Global. Girl was clearly desperate and took it. Here’s a thought Ash: if the ex-wife of the man who just hired you could wipe out your future by snapping her fingers, wouldn’t you be a little wary of him? Nope? Alright, well you look fantastic in this rare H to T shot. A patterned skirt and a long trench? Girl, you crazy.

Justice - Part 2 of 2 - Things just got real

And speaking of cliché outfits. What the hell, Nolan?

It would seem that there is a dress code if you wish to fraternize with random hotel staff in small towns across New England. Isn’t it a bit early for ironic Christmas sweaters?

At least we know the front desk clerk got the memo to dress the part of scheming minion.

There were also a lot of vests happening this episode.  I don’t mind this one:

... But this one looks like it’s leather. Which, no matter what kind of Burberry dress shirt you might be sporting underneath, is never ok. Unless you are a 300lb biker dude named Tiny and your Harley is parked out back. And if that’s the case? Then I am not going to interfere with that.

I have to say, I was pretty disappointed with Emily’s wardrobe this episode. Pretty boring really. The one exception is her killer coat

Seriously. That collar is amazing. Also, how come nobody in real life ever looks that good in a winter coat? I’m from Canada. It gets cold here. I would wear a potato sack if I thought it would keep me warm. All this fashionable outerwear just makes me feel like I’ve been doing something wrong for all this time.

And then there’s Charlotte.

Oh honey. The burgeoning pill addiction, terrorist father, golden-child brother, estranged half sister- it’s a Lifetime movie in the making really.

More GUESS by Marciano...

I guess if you’re going to be pimped out by your own mother, you might as well look smoking hot while doing it. Well- kind of. I’ll give an A for effort here. The short, tight bandage dress is a page right out of the Victoria Grayson playbook circa the beginning of this season. And the fur coat? Pure stripper with a heart of gold. Declan does seem to be enjoying it. After all it has been 58 days since they last spoke…

Up close.

The back view.

Honorable mention for this episode goes to the return of the whale cam.  Where does one purchase one of those things anyway?

What. You wish you could Revenge (!!!) like me.

I predict things will start to get real interesting real quick. Will Daniel be acquitted? Is he off the wagon? Will Jack ever wear something other than plaid?

Only time will tell.