Chaos - Part 1 of 3- Guess who's back?

This was THE episode of the season. The first episode of the series began with this night and now after just 15 episodes we have arrived back full circle. We start off knowing, or rather, thinking we know what's going to happen. Daniel bites it. Or does he? Let's back up 24 hours. Nolan and Emily are trashing an empty hotel room searching in vain for her revenge (!!!) box. We quickly learn that Emily’s old buddy Tyler has returned. SURPRISE!  Not only has he taken her box of secrets, but he’s kidnapped Emily’s chief minion Fauxmanda.  Jack has been summoned to Haiti to save orphans and Pappy Grayson is on the hunt for his successor, Danny, to take over the family biz. Amanda not only returns to the show, but she makes a return into Jack's life for all of 2.5 seconds before disappearing in a cab leaving Jack in hot pursuit with blood on his hands. Things get a little dicey at the party and on the beach and somebody ends up dead. But who pulled the trigger?

In a strange moment of clarity, Declan tries to convince Charlotte, who is nursing a hangover of epic proportions, to see a therapist to deal with her issues. Too bad his good intentions are over shadowed by the douchefest that is his t-shirt. As much as I would like to believe that Declan is a fan of the amazing British series Skins, I highly doubt that is the case. At least you can’t see his chest hair…?

 

Why slug cheap whiskey when you can pop prescription pills?

Meanwhile, at Grayson manor, Ashley is rocking another fierce outfit. Seriously. Check out those heels. Sadly, like always, we only catch a fleeting glimpse before she disappears to go tie chair covers, or fold napkins or whatever it is she does.

Emily looks absolutely smashing. Her shirt is gorgeous. Check out that detail. Nice straight leg pants and cute white purse.

Such a classic and chic summer look. Girl really does know how to dress.

Victoria continues to be a stereotypical mother-in-law and threatens Emily by inferring that just because he liked it enough to put a ring on it, doesn’t mean that Emily going to be Mrs. Danny Grayson.

Note the strange party that’s happening in the background. Who the hell is that crusty old white lady hanging out with all those young, attractive foreign dudes? If TV has taught me anything it’s that rich old white ladies usually lunch with other old rich white ladies. Maybe G-ma is hiding a dark secret or something.

Poor sweet Charlotte. Girlfriend is clearly rocking yesterday’s dress but that doesn’t stop Pappy Grayson from ensuring that by delaying her therapy now, he is only setting her up for millions of dollars in therapy bills later in life when she realizes she’s Mrs. Declan and has a 20 prescription pill a day habit that she chases with cheap whiskey while hauling back on a menthol cigarette.  I digress. Props to Pappy G for at least including the charming life lessons of “every quid deserves a quo”. #truth.

Tyler is clearly out to mess some stuff up.  But Emily comes prepared for their rendezvous in the parking garage. Those straight legged pants are not just stylish they’re practical too- the spandex blend lends perfectly to shoving a gun down the back of your pants when dealing with the annoying problems in your life like a missing box of secrets and a cunning nemesis.

In what is likely just a clever ploy, Fauxmanda appears to have been persuaded by Tyler to turn on her bestie. The good news is that there appears to have been a BOGO sale at the bad-ass store as Fauxmanda and Tyler have matching bad-guy outfits.

That should help to make that $5 million ransom check stretch a bit further. 

 
Also, note to Tyler- work on your getaway car. There is absolutely nothing threatening about a Toyota Corolla.  

Chaos - Part 2 of 3 - Wait a Minute Chester

Ahh Nolan. Another day, another popped-collar ensemble. Full disclosure- I was not a Nolan fan initially. I just couldn’t get past the Bieber hair and the sproingy collars. I have since changed my opinion and my now a big fan. Dude really nails the Hamptons summer casual look. And this two toned, double collar number? Hitting all the right notes for me.

I’m not sure who’s more upset here, Nolan or Emily.  Or Jack. Those are some legit tears in his eyes.

Oh and the part about giving Emily the dog? Please.

Just look at the sadness. What's making me sad is his dull shirt, but then, not everyone can be a bright shooting star. That's Nolan's job.

Don't be jealous, Jack. Nolan is here with a bro love hug. Maybe some of his style will literally rub off on you.

You gotta dig Nolan’s pep talk telling Emily to go make little volunteer babies. Ever the hopeless romantic. It’s charming really.

Oh Victoria. At least the costume department stopped putting her in bandage dresses. Instead, she wears the equivalent of my grade 8 prom dress to just hang out and give Connie a hard time when he tries to give her stuff. Seriously, she looks like he tried to hand her a dead fish not the deed to the castle. Must be nice.

The whole exchange with Tekada was kind of useless. But I will say that his translator was at least wearing a nice outfit. Check out the detailing on that white blouse. The costume department must be getting all the nice white pieces in rotation now before Labor Day is over or something…

Danny does look rather striking in his black three-piece suit. In the middle of the day. In the summer.

Tyler does indeed look under medicated. And also like he is going to the party to be the caterer, not a guest. The white jacket dark pants look screams wait staff to me. Oh and also? The reason why he doesn’t want to “go be a millionaire in Canada” is because well… nobody wants to go do that. I can say that. I live in Canada.

Chaos - Part 3 of 3 - Party Time

And there it is folks. Ashley’s first fashion misstep. I get that the theme is “fire and ice” but I don’t think the idea was to be that literal about it. That dress makes her look like she’s about to step on the ice to deliver a riveting short program, land a triple salchow and skate her way into the hearts of the country.

Oh Victoria. There you go again. Always making things about yourself. Who signs their divorce papers at their son’s engagement party? Golf claps for pulling off that dress at your age, though. It really is a stunning colour and I’m a big fan of the jeweled detail. Gotta give some props to Connie as well, the man clearly passed on his ability to rock a suit to his son.

And the dramatic flipping of the business card? Priceless.

Ok. I need to take a minute to discuss the shoes. Those shoes mean business. But I can’t help but feel a little underwhelmed by them, Although, I guess they do strike a fine balance between “hey I’m at a fancy party” and also “I want to ruin all of your lives. In killer, yet sensible heels no less”. Girlfriend also has some legs. Wowza.

And how can we forget this season’s hottest accessory? A gun.  I’ll admit that I didn’t watch all of the shows from NYFW, but I feel fairly confident that none of the runways featured leg holsters and guns. But then again, what do I know?

That hairdo is not doing her any favours. It’s too tight and slicked back and makes her look extra harsh.

At first, I loved the dress. I love the one shoulder and the cut, but what the hell is that weird extra bit of fabric hanging out around her stomach? I don’t care who you are, nobody wants to draw attention to their stomach, especially not with draping fabric.  Unless they’re trying to hide something in plain sight. What are you hiding Emily? I’m going to start the speculation. Is Emily preggers with Danny’s spawn?

Meanwhile, in some sketchy barn…Given the choice between wearing that dress and taking one for the team, I have to say, I’d take the bullet. Fauxmanda might be a little rough around the edges but even she knows a tragic dress when she sees one. She does have good hair all throughout the episode though, I will say.

Emily does a fine job of accessorizing with this outfit. That clutch and earrings are quite lovely. And the ring… wait for the ring.

Bam! Check out that ring! So awesome.

Moving along…

Nolan is looking extra dapper while he creeps away on his trusty Ipad. Remember Penny from Inspector Gadget and that cool computer she had that was disguised as a book? That’s what this reminds me of for some reason.

You gotta hand it to Nolan for daring to wear that red jacket. He looks great, albeit slightly schmarmy like a Palm Beach used car salesman..But mostly great.

Charlottle is rocking her dress, despite her newfound prescription pill problem. That's multi-tasking for you

Anyway. On a boat somewhere….

Can we take a minute here to pay some respect to the trusty whale cam? Where would we be without that hilarious little piece of technology.

Aaaah Shiz. Just as Jack is poised to make his grand escape, Fauxmanda comes running back into poor Jack’s life. For like, 2.5 minutes.

They’re even dressed the same. They must be soulmates.

Well, that just about sums it up. The whole Daniel/Tyler thing is really bugging me. The teasers CLEARLY show Daniel biting the dust, but then oh no, just jokes, it's crazy old Tyler! So I'm pretty curious to see what that's all about.

Until next time, don't stop revengin' (!!!).

Mini recap: Chaos

FIRE AND ICE PARTY! FIRE AND ICE PARTY! This was, without question, the OMFG-iest episode EVER EVER EVER! I can't even... So, the body on the beach is Tyler, not Daniel (to the happiness of me, Queen V, and anybody with an appreciation for gorgeous abdominals). This leaves the question WHODUNNIT? Was it Fake!Amanda, out to protect Emily? Was it Jack, fed up with Tyler's crazypants ways? Was it Revenge Sensei, trying to help out Emily? Was it Nolan, using some kind of gun iPad app? And then at the very end, Revenge Sensei picked up a hitchhiking Fake!Amanda - like, we GET IT, REVENGE (!!!) writers, you are all gods and goddesses. Raise your Red Sharpies in respect because this was THE BEST EPISODE EVER!

Emily's Nolan's Target
Turns out that Tyler was the one who left the Red Sharpie'd RSVP. (Apparently, high-security psychiatric facilities aren't that hard to break out of). He's out for blood - his plan was to kill Daniel and frame Emily. Luckily, he's an amateur at the revenge (!!!) business and he winds up a body on the beach.

Gala of the Week
FIRE AND ICE PARTY! The ladies in red, the men in white, suspense and drama permeating the late-summer Hamptons fog...

Best Dressed 
Who knows?? Was there fashion in this episode? The only thing I know is that Emily's dress was all kinds of fug. I get that she has to have room for a gun, but like... not in a kangaroo pouch, mmkay?

Most Soapy Moment
I don't know if it's particularly soapy but I liked the tidy (and inexplicable) way they returned the Infinity Box via Revenge Sensei. He was just like, "Oh, hey, thought you might want this. TTYL."

Over-The-Shoulder Hugs: 2ish
Definitely at least 2 from Queen V, probably none from Emily... WHO KNOWS?? FIRE AND ICE PARTY!!

Mel will have more time to examine the fashion from this week (AND THE DRAMZ!) and will report back to y'all on Saturday.