Commitment - Part 1 of 3 - The Pawns

After last week's big fire, this week is all about water - namely, a huge storm rocks the Hamptons, ruining quite a few lives in the process. Yes, there was a rainstorm but also Emily's revenge (!!!) plans kicked into high gear, taking no prisoners. Although, her plans didn't all go quite as planned, and she's thrown for a loop when Jack suddenly becomes collateral damage...

Hey, remember how we found out last week that Charlotte is probably Emily's half-sister? This surely explains her fabulous hair and wardrobe, such as this ADORBS raspberry-coloured ruffled sundress:

Charlotte's kind of how Emily might have turned out - you know, if her life hadn't been ruined and she hadn't gone off to juvie and dyed her hair black and stuff. Charlotte's got some #firstworldproblems, but a pretty enviable life.

And a super-sweet collection of sundresses. Check out this baby blue beauty:

This week, she spent a lot of flouncing out of rooms, which makes her cute dresses look even cuter. She's a kid who's spent most of her life having things go exactly how she wanted, now getting the slightest taste of Emily Thorne's life. Like, if Emily Thorne's life is a full-on Greek tragedy, Charlotte's is like the season finale of Top Model All Stars, where they went to Greece: a hot mess, but still mostly enjoyable.

Honestly? I think being David Clarke's daughter might be the best thing to ever happen to her. At least, her plotline has suddenly got 100% more Emily in it. And she got one of this week's Over The Shoulder Hugs™

Once you've got one of Emily's sad and/or evil-eyed hugs, you know your life is either going to improve, or be DESTROYED.

Ashley makes another one of her patended "blink and you'll miss it" appearances of fashion AMAZINGNESS. Check out this strut in 5" stilettos over the debris-laden lawn:

I know, you have to kind of squint. This show makes you work hard to fully appreciate Ashley's to-die-for wardrobe. Here's a closer look:

Love the detail at the neckline, love the skinny black belt, love the wrist cuff... why isn't she on this show more often? How many people can pull off that shade of mustard yellow? How does she get her hair so shiny? I demand an Ashley spinoff, maybe called STYLE (!!!)

Ashley was hella pissed this week when she realized she put her money on the wrong horse (i.e. Victoria). But really, does she realize how lucky she is? Has she seen what Victoria's other employees have to wear?

I like to think Ashley was given one of these unifoms on her first day, accidentally spilled something on it, and ever since she's been like, "Oh, yeah, my uniform is at the dry cleaners... My bad!"

Oh, and Victoria? You've been LAWYERED:

Did you guys notice that Conrad's ferosh lawyer is Francie from Alias? Nice to see her again. Looks like she got a minor in FABULOSITY at the same time she got her law degree. She can be Ashley's sidekick on STYLE (!!!) (Ooh, and on STYLE [!!!] maybe every episode, they put a big X over pictures of unstylish people, using red lipstick! ABC, I am willing to take 50% of the money from this soon-to-be-hit show)

I think that Ashley and the lawyer's first victim on STYLE (!!!) can be Fake!Amanda. Someone has got to rip this girl away from the cutoffs. She's been wearing them so long that they're fraying to the point that they're essentially a denim diaper:

And didn't she go clothes shopping a few weeks ago? Why is she always wearing Jack's clothes? Like, she's wearing his jacket in the picture above, and then later on, she's wearing his plaid shirt:

OK, so the plaid shirt looks cuter. But she needs to step away from the "2 for $10" tanktop bin at Old Navy. She also should maybe look into a size Small, rather than Extra Small.

But who knew she'd clean up this good?

Girlfriend looks like a million bucks! Or at least like, $100,000. I've always had a crush on her big curls, and her she's got then tamed in a really cute way. Between the hair and the smirk, she's channeling Naomi from 90210... wait, isn't Naomi's last name Clark? Hmm... Amanda Clarke, Naomi Clark... I smell a crossover episode!

Commitment - Part 2 of 3 - The Knights

So, there were a few men in this episode, too.

Let's start with Conrad "World's Worst Dad" Grayson. While he's punishing Charlotte for something she has nothing to do with (i.e. her paternity), he's wearing his usual Wall Street power suit (with a bit more style than usual, with the pinstriped shirt):

Honestly, I bet the guy who plays Conrad had so much fun this week, going head-to-head with Queen V and coming out on top (for once). I also like how flashback Queen V and Connie are all Hamptons-casual:

Like, is Queen V wearing pants? I thought she was genetically unable to wear anything other than a pencil skirt. And Connie in the golf shirt? I guess they were parents of a young Daniel at the time, but the style change is quite interesting.

Speaking of Daniel "Possible Murder Victim" Grayson, he really knows how to wear a suit.

(Note Victoria's shackle-like bracelet there, hovering just over his head. Girlfriend knows how to accessorize.)

But seriously. Daniel's suits are like, skin-tight. Does Herve Leger do menswear all of a sudden? How can he move around? Is there some spandex component in his suits? (*Note: NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING. And I was with the rest of the internet, swooning and reaching for the smelling salts after the OTT romance of Daniel's rain-soaked proposal)

Even Emily's small heart grew three sizes that day.

And Jack "The Bruised Bartender" Porter was looking good this week, as per usual, in one of the denim shirts he likes to share with Fake!Amanda:

The poor guy. First he gets horribly beat up, then the girl he thought was his childhood soulmate deserts him without a proper goodbye, then he finds out that the other girl he likes is engaged to a Grayson... If he needs a supportive hug, I'M TOTALLY THERE FOR HIM. You know. Just for the record.

Declan "Graduate Of The James Dean Academy Of Teenage Attitude" Porter was also on the show this week.

This week, Declan is brought to you by the letter S and the number 6.

I blame the bad weather on Nolan "Pop pop!" Ross's somewhat normal clothing choices this week. Like, is that just one collar? And not even popped? Maybe it's the damp storm air deflating his carefully starched collars:

... although his hair is still expertly coiffed. With that sort of wind and rain, he must be using industrial-strength hair straighteners. But he is, after all, a bazillionaire, so I'm sure he can afford the best that money can buy.

And he's just got one collar in his next ensemble, too!

I guess if we're going with the whole "collars represent Nolan's mental state" thing, then this means he's in a good head space. But seriously - baby blue polo shirt and a khaki blazer? What is he, a contestant on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, circa 2002?

I dig his beach outfit, featuring a cute colour-blocked windbreaker and his usual khakis and boat shoes:

I think he borrowed those skinny pants from Daniel. Or maybe all Hamptons men are wearing spandex-blend pants this season?

You gotta love how he went in for a hug, only to be Lisbeth Salander'd by Emily:

Don't take it personally, Nolan. She doesn't do side-hugs. Emily will only hug you if there's a camera right over your shoulder she can gaze into evilly/guiltily.

Commitment - Part 3 of 3 - The Queens

So, it might be a summer storm in the Hamptons this week, but between Emily and Queen V it was more like an arctic chill.

Emily kicked things off CSI-style, casually pulling on a pair of latex gloves to doctor some evidence while chatting with her BFF Nolan:

Ain't no thang, just another day in the life of Emily Thorne.

I really like this yellow cardigan (reminiscent of Ashley's cute yellow dress from earlier). This week was all about showcasing Emily's amazingly cut arms, which you can see through the snug (yet comfy) fit of this sweater. Plus, that bracelet is just chunky enough to be edgy without being too heavy.

And in this corner, we have Queen V, pulling out some emotional manipulation on her son while rocking a seriously sexy body-con red dress:

That shackle bracelet we saw earlier behind Daniel's head? Yes, that's her choice of accessory. The red dress has an interesting textured print on it, but seems like insane overkill for lunch with your son. Remember when flashback Victoria was wearing like, sweats? She doesn't have to pull out all the stops 24/7, like, buy a nice pair of yoga pants MY GOD.

So, she was like "You totes don't have to marry Emily any more, I've got everything sorted out!" and then Daniel was like, "Um, I love her and I'm going to  marry her," and then Queen V was like

And you knew the game was on.

Emily continued with her sunny yellow palette (maybe she and Ashley were trying to counterbalance the cloudy skies with their clothing choices?) in this yellow polo, windbreaker, and cute hoop earrings:

"OH HI AMANDA REMEMBER WE HAD A BREAKFAST DATE I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT FORGET PLEASE WALK THIS WAY."

Her handbag is cute, but gigantic. I was wondering what she needed such a huge bag for, until she changed into all black and broke into Fake!Amanda's house to plant the interview tapes there. Always multitasking, this girl. Clearly, revenge (!!!) calls for a really big bag. Might as well get a cute brown leather one like this:

Apparently she also had a USB and creepy note inside her bag too, because Conrad found evidence that Charlotte is really David's daughter at lunchtime that same day.

So, then Connie played the tape in front of Queen V and the lawyers, and Queen V was like

Seriously, this is the tip of the iceberg of Emily's revenge (!!!) plans and already Victoria's life is SO RUINED. Is it any consolation that black lacey dress made her rack look FANTASTIC?

Unfortch, not today.

So, while Victoria's having her ass handed to her in her divorce, Emily is busy being proposed to in THE MOST ROMANTIC PROPOSAL I HAVE EVER SEEN OH MY GOD:

Plus, her gold dress is COMPLETELY GORGEOUS (it's like a white gold with a yellow gold skinny belt, pencil skirt, shows off her crazy toned arms). 

Still dripping with rainwater, Emily and Daniel go to tell Queen V their happy news. Victoria greets them in this kinda awesome grey dress with black lace detail (although I'd ditch the black lacey bits at the neckline).

And Emily's like

And Queen V, plastering as much of a smile as she can on her ice queen botox face, is like

(Meanwhile, the entire Hamptons are suddenly immersed in a glacier, such is the combined force of these two ice queens facing off during a rain storm.)

For those of you not keeping track: Victoria is having the worst day ever, and Emily's kind of rocking the world.

AND THEN, just when you thought things couldn't get any more insane, Queen V totally lets Daniel believe that she was raped by David Clarke. And she also wears this tragic napkin mishap of a sleeveless blouse:

Like, we get it, you're a cold-hearted bitch. But you're allowed to wear other colours besides white and grey every once in a while, seriously.

So, Emily comes home to tell Daniel that she's thinking of calling off their engagement, and she looks completely delightful in this green army jacket, jeans, and a tank:

And then Daniel's like, "Your father, even though I don't know it's your father, raped my mother! I know because she nodded vaguely when I asked her if that had happened!"

And Emily is like

And just like that, the Red Sharpies are (metaphorically) uncapped and the revenge, she is back on.

FYI, Queen V?

Mini recap: Commitment

There's a summer storm this week, and it rocks the Hamptons like a hurricane. This week Emily made sure Conrad found out that he's not Charlotte's daddy, which blows up any chance Victoria has of getting a good divorce settlement. Daniel proposed to Emily in the most romantic manner ever, making the whole internet swoon. After an attack on Jack, Fake!Amanda packs up her curling iron and cutoffs and flees town. Emily feels guilty enough that she nearly pulls the plug on her plans... until Victoria outdoes herself by claiming she was raped by David Clarke. The revenge? She is BACK ON. 

Emily's Target
Queen V, as always. Although this week's collateral damage includes Charlotte, Jack and Fake!Amanda.

Gala of the Week
No time for galas! Too busy falsifying DNA reports.

Best Dressed 
Emily's golden dress during Daniel's rain-soaked proposal wins, hands down.

Most Soapy Moment
Charlotte winds up at Emily's house for the first time ever, just long enough to say, "You don't know how much I've always wanted a sister." The subtext explodes.

Over-The-Shoulder Hugs: 2 
1) Emily's guilt-ridden over-the-shoulder hug of her teary half-sister. 2) Emily's death glare at Victoria as she hugs Daniel at the episode's end.

The fashion snark for this week's epic episode of amazingness will be presented by me, Ann, this Saturday!