Revenge: Sacrifice

This week on FIVE EPISODES' WORTH OF SHOW IN 40 MINUTES: Fauxmanda and Jack's honeymoon at sea goes quickly awry when they're held at gunpoint by Whatshisface, the cuter brother. Jack gets shot, but Amanda sends him off to sea in a life raft. The Revenging Besties, on the highest-tech boat rescue this side of James Bond, find Jack's body and help save him... or do they? Meanwhile, Queen V has some sort of plan to hide her murder of Initiative Helen which for some reason, involves Connie launching his political campaign early. Also: The Initiative sends Padma her father's finger to prove he's still alive. AND THEN!! It becomes a five-Kleenex affair when Fauxmanda dies in Emily's arms after saving Jack's life, in the saddest death scene since Sammy the dog (RIP).

Emily's Target
This week, she's not out for Revenge(!!!), but rather sets her sights on rescuing her BFF and her childhood BF. 

Gala of the Week
The Grayson's Annual Labour Day Party/Connie's political campaign coming-out party!

Best Dressed
There was so much DRAMZ this week it was hard to pay attention to the clothes, but Queen V's beige dress with cleave cutout was pretty fab. 

Most Soapy Saddest Moment
When Fauxmanda was dying and Em flashed back to their teen years, when she met Fauxmanda's declaration of sisterly love with shifty eyes... and then Em finally (too late!) returns the love.

Over-the-Shoulder Hugs: 1
In the same flashback, Teen Emily and Teen Amanda bid farewell with a teen version of the Over The Shoulder Hug. 

Come back on Wednesday for Anthony's take on all of this week's fashion highlights and lowlights. In the meantime, tide (HA!) yourself over with Wetpaint Entertainment's recap of last night's episode.

Revenge: Union

Part 1 of 2: State of the Union

Emily is having all kinds of feelings this week and none of them involve a red Sharpie. She has to watch Fauxmanda marry her childhood sweetheart on the beach and she gets her Revenging (!!!) ass dumped in a pauper's cemetary when Aiden's feelings (so many feelings this week) over his dead sister have him questioning his Revenging (!!!) ways. And we get a bit of backstory on Aiden (Dad loaded the bomb on the plane). Conrad is making deals with one devil, while Victoria is trying to get Daniel out of deals with another. Emily's writing cheques to get Jack and Fauxmanda back on their feet, but it looks like another kind of Revenge (!!!) is going to put an end to that. And friends, I did not expect to see Helen go down so soon or so unceremoniously. Can she pull a Lydia and bounce back from that gunshot wound? 

Emily kicks off a busy two days in the Hamps with some delightful Revenge Casual wear. 

A sleeveless peplum with some great jeans really is a great way to kick back on a summer day and take stock of your feelings for your childhood sweetheart, who, quite frankly, you need to get over already.

I mean, you've got the hot British guy, the handsome, wealthy but dumb boy next door, and the loyalty of your best dressed bestie. Do you really need the barkeep too? Probably not. Let Fauxmanda have that one and focus on how great you look in this Rachel Roy jacket.

What could have been your average blazer for snooping around old warehouses and cemetaries is totally taken up a notch by the detailing on those shoulders. Seriously, check this detail: 

Fantastic.

Although Ems is getting dumped in the middle of a cemetary from a Brontë novel, she can always take solace in having amazing hair that withstands the mist. Also, she's got that jacket. Plus, considering Aiden's lethal capabilities, he let her down (comparitively) easily.

Is this the last we'll see of our office ninja?

OK, I don't know how he snuck into Nolan's office undetected (does Nolan not have staff to notify him of these things? Or does Aiden make a habit of sneaking in through the air vents and office windows?), but he does so by looking suave in his own version of office casual. Instead of his usual 007 style, he goes for leather jacket that is far more appropriate for sneaking into places. 

I'd like to pause here for a moment and discuss this:

You're kidding me, right? There is no way it's that easy to get into the Laptop of Secrets. Emily somehow knew that Fauxmanda was going to pull this stunt, that's my only guess. Otherwise, Revenge (!!!) Sensei should have taught a class in password protection along with Karate and Advanced Drowning Memory Retrieval Techniques. 

Nolan, on the other hand, is going for something a little more conservative this week. 

I mean, conservative by Nolan standards. There's only one collar and it isn't popped. This shirt is, however, polka dotted ina way that usually only a J. Crew male model can pull off. And I love the subtle detail on the edge of his lapel. The costume department on this show is all about the subtle detail and I give them major golf claps for that. I never notice just how amazing things are until I take a second look. Well played, costume department. 

And well played again in this look for Ashley.

We love Ashley to pieces and, I don't know about you, have the sads about how under-appreciated her schemes are on this show (give the girl a plot line already!). But our love for her is why she gets a pop of safety orange on her chartreuse. I have no idea how it works, but it does. And it's why she gets that fantastic tassel of a necklace. And dollars to donuts, if we could see her shoes I guarantee we'd swoon. 

Now for a character we don't care about.

Yep. This REISS dress is much like my semi-formal frock from 1994. It didn't do me any favours then and it's not doing the World's Worst Spy any favours now. I dig the Tiffany bracelet, but it can't save that dress. Take a longer look:

How it didn't put Nolan into a coma right away, we'll never know. I mean, look at him in those skinny khakis and fantastic shoes. Now look at her in a dress that really should be retired and a colour that inspires no one. Can The Initative dispense with her already? 

Speaking of our friends over at The Initiative, holy crap! Does evil ever look good on Helen!

That black and white number kills me. Super profesh and all business, perfect for plotting to take down the Graysons and finally take over the world. I'm also glad she's taking this rare trip into actual daylight (a supervillain can't spend all her time lurking around limos and secret video surveillance rooms).

Meanwhile in a house that seems to consist of 50% sunny windows and 50% extraneous walls for eavesdropping around, all is not well at the Grayson compound. That being said, Queen V's cleave is having an excellent day.

Also? The colour is fantastic on her pale self.

So much better than flashback Victoria in beige.

That's taking skin tone to a whole new level. I'm glad she's learned about colour since the demise of David Clarke.

I can only assume her sour look over breakfast is directed at her son.

Please Daniel, the GTL style belongs on a different shoreline, in a different state. Also, if you own a major corporation and you hate your parents, don't you think you'd look into buying (or even renting) your own place instead of crashing at home? It would save you the passive aggressive moments with mom over breakfast. And your mom wouldn't overhear all your conversations with Evil Helen.

It's to our advantage that she does, because it makes for Dramatic Entrances into Conrad's study.

I don't know how Victoria wears this dress so early in the day, but I like to think she's like the Dowager Countess on Downton Abbey and is unaware of things like weekends and mornings. Overall, snaps for this dress.

But negative snaps for this daytime black as it makes her look a bit Morticia.

That being said, I bet I'd like this more if I could see more detail. There are hints that it might be fantastic, but Evil Helen is the only one who gets a full view of the dress on The Initiative Cam.

Daniel, I'm going to blame you for global warming. Not because Grayson Global is somehow behind it (which it probably is), but because of this outfit.

A three piece, wool suit? In the summer? Really? Get some linen and turn down the A/C my friend. The vest looks frigging fantastic on you, but save it for after the Season. 

Same goes for you, Connie. 

Fanstastic tie. The pattern is sharp. But the thick suit is not really necessary, especially since you're busy dealing with the riffraff of Montauk. They won't judge you if you wear the wealthy man's version of casual. I swear they won't.

I mean, just look at the Stowaway brothers.

Sigh. If it weren't for Charlotte in that glorious pop of orange lace, that would be the most schlubby scene ever to exist in the history of television. But those hoodies are partly why Jack and Fauxmanda are MFEO (Made For Each Other). 

Amanda's come a long way from her days of maternity Daisy Dukes, but when it comes to style, her beach casual is more on his level.

That's why I support him falling butt crazy in love for the girl he thinks is the girl he loved when he was ten (he is going to be so confused when the truth comes out), because those hoodies would not look so hot next to Emily's mad steez. 

Revenge: Union

Part 2 of 2: Something Borrowed, Something Blue

Like any good bride, Fauxmanda kick starts her marriage to Jack with a little something borrowed and something blue.

Word to the wise Ems, don't ambush your fake self with childhood memories while at the altar.Good thing Fauxmanda knows how to roll with your secrets and lies like a pro.

Also a bonus that Jack remembers this day from when y'all were kids.

Awwww...Li'l Jack and beachily handsome David Clarke with Best Man Sammy the Dog. Adorbs. Jack was already showing signs he couldn't dress himself, but what are you going to do? He tried.

He also, mostly, shaped up for his own nuptuals to the girl of his childhood dreams. 

Remember how I said the Revenge costume department loves it some details? Well take a closer look at the stitching on Jack's lapel. And now look at the buttons.

I can only assume Nolan helped him pick out that wedding attire. Of course, fancy for Jack is everyday for Nolan. Because y'all are not going to believe what Nolan wore.

Brace yourselves for the absolute amazeballs in 3...2...1...

Holy balls! Yes! A round of applause is in order for the silver paisley that only this officiant could pull off. I'll let you soak it in before we move on to the rest of the wedding party. 

...

Are we good? Cool. Moving on. 

While Jack's sense of style hasn't changed much since his early days, much has changed for Emily.

Clearly early Madonna was a style icon for Li'l Amanda back in the day.

And present-day? She Pippa Middletons the hell out of this wedding.

More Ippolita...

I don't love the bejewelled belt, but I'm otherwise 100% on board with this maid of honour outfit. The construction of it is fantastic and the neckline is all kinds of soft and lovely.

And it's almost enough for you to turn your face into it and hide your feelings.

I'm surprised no one was suspicious of you, what with you showing this many feelings at a wedding. You're usually the robot in the room. (But we get it — emotions make you less Revengey.)

Poor Fauxmanda, it's her big day and we never get a good look at her dress.

Always the bride, never the bridesmaid. 

While we're denied an h-t of her dress, I do love her seaglass jewelery.

Something about this is the perfect choice for Amanda. Not least of which is that she's possibly headed for the ocean floor with her namesake boat. 

On the groom's side of this wee wedding, things were a bit hit and miss. For Declan, a total miss with this vest.

What is happening with those zippers? Why do they exist on that poor vest? In his defense, I will say this: at least he didn't show up in a nehru collar, because I feel like that is the sort of thing Declan Porter would declare as "klassy".

The hit, of course, is Charlotte in that lace. Sadly, she's either hidden behind Baby Carl...

... or hidden by a camel coloured cashmere hoodie.

Sweetie, don't hide your light under a bushel. That dress, like so many of your other dresses, is beautiful. Just because you don't have a decent plotline doesn't mean you can't show off how cute your dress is. And 18 is too young to be using a baby as an accessory. You're too High Society to be pulling a Teen Mom routine. 

And brooding up on the cliff like a character from a Brontë novel (or a Harlequin novel, take your pick)? 

Aiden! Rocking the brooding stare and the white linen shirt. Well played, my broody British friend. Not quite on par with Heathcliff, but you'll do for the Hamptons.

So glad you changed your mind about dumping Emily over your sister's unmarked grave. Not exactly your classiest move to date.

I don't see a happy future for you two, but make the most of it while you can, because girlfriend is kind of perfect and wears sweaters that dreams are made of.

She can kick your ass, buy you and sell you, hack into any computer system AND still looks like she just stepped out of a J.Crew catalogue. What more can you ask for in a woman?

Not invited to the wedding were the Graysons and The Initiative. 

That's okay, V wasn't really dressed for the event anyway. She's settled in at home in some kind of cleave baring, body con dress. You know, like we all do after a hard day at work... unless this visit from Evil Helen wasn't as much of a surprise as we're led to believe it was.

She seems all sneaky with the scarf and sunglasses at night, but just who's playing who?

Nice tweed by the way, Hels. Seems a little much for summer, but evenings on the ocean can be chilly. 

Nope. I was wrong about Victoria just chilling out at home for the night. She was totally waiting to kill you, Helen.

That was completely unexpected. I really hope she rallies from the gunshot wound a la Lydia falling on the car, Queen V on the exploding airplane, Fauxmanda falling off the balcony... this show, you guys. I'm sure I missed at least one back-from-the-dead plotline there. 

Speaking of father and son Grayson. Poor, sweet Daniel is still shocked when he sees a dead body.

At least he's pretty. But you'd think he'd be used to all the dead bodies and ruined lives by now, yet it always comes as a surprise.

Less so for Connie.

The family that covers up a murder together, stays together. No matter how much they dislike one another. 

And while they're dumping the body, our honeymooners sail off into the sunset dressed like an LL Bean Boyfriend and an Earth Mother. 

I'm sure nothing could possibly go wrong on this love boat, right?

Or not.

Uh-oh, you guys. This is not the good kind of stowaway. Have we gone from Brontë lovers on the windswept moors to more of a Titanic scenario? Hopefully this Jack finds a piece of driftwood big enough to hold both of them this time around...

Revenge: Union

This week on TWO WEDDINGS AND AN IMPENDING FUNERAL: It's Jack and Fauxmanda's big day, which gives Emily flashbacks to her childhood fake wedding to Jack. So Em is double-sad b/c Jack's getting married to her imposter and Aiden's still mad at her about his dead sister or whatever. Meanwhile, it turns out Nolan's not mad at Secretly Evil Padma for spying on him (?) and forgives her (???). Also, the shizz is getting ever-so-near to the fan, when Fauxmanda blackmails Conrad into selling the bar back to Jack (by showing him some of Emily's secret VIDEOS!!) which leads the Bad News Bears to cut a wire on Jack's boat! Remember the sunken boat and dead body in the first episode this season? I feel like that's coming up soon. Oh, also? Victoria totally kills Initiative Helen in cold blood. Remember when she was so scary with the gun a few episodes ago? FORESHADOWING! The episode leaves us with two questions: is a marriage legal when one person is using a fake name/identity and, in what universe would Emily Thorne's password be that easy to hack?

Emily's Target
As she reminded Fauxmanda this week, the Graysons are still, and shall ever be, her target. 

Gala of the Week
Fauxmanda and Jack's beachfront wedding (officiated by Nolan!!) is the event of the summer. Though I kinda preferred L'il Amanda and L'il Jack's wedding (with best man SAMMY THE DOG!) 

Best Dressed
Emily pulls a Pippa and wears white as Fauxmanda's maid of honour. If there's a day when her go-to creamy dresses are appropriate, I suppose this is it. 

Most Soapy Moment
Though it was high soap when the episode ended with the Bad News Bear lurking over a cut wire on The Amanda, I have to give the award this week to Jack Porter's miraculous jail sentence (that apparently took place entirely between the last episode and this one.) 

Over-the-Shoulder Hugs: 0 
Did I miss them, or were there no OTSHs this week? Let us know in the comments if I wasn't eagle-eyed enough.

L-A's got the goods Wednesday on the Revenge(!!!) wedding of the year!

Revenge: Collusion

Part 1 of 2: Mostly Menswear

This was one of those episodes that mainly exists to set up stuff that's going to happen later. It was like checking boxes off on a chart, tidying up plotlines to prep for the second half of this season. Finally FINALLY we learn a bit of what The Initiative is up to (besides skulking around in dark rooms): they want a disaster-causing computer program from NolCorp, as well as control over Nip/Tuck's disaster relief company. I guess they're going to cause a disaster... and then fix it? Whatever. That makes 1000% more sense than anything else they've ever done. Also: Conrad's sudden political aspirations coincide with the odious Jack's Bar plotline and suddenly he's making a deal with the Bad News Bears. Aiden finds out his sister is maybe dead (and kinda hooked on heroin) and blames Emily for some reason. Victoria offers herself up on a silver platter to Nip/Tuck, but nothing really comes of that (THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID). Also? Nolan gets his heart broken by Suddenly Evil Padma. Oh right, also it was Charlotte's birthday. Nobody cares.

The episode opens with one of Conrad and Victoria's trademark romantic meals together:

"CAN YOU PASS ME THE CROISSANTS?"

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU YOU'RE TOO FAR AWAY!"

For a caszh Grayson Family Breakfast, Victoria pulls out this wrap-neck top:

While Connie's still working his weirdly playful unemployment style:

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: unemployment agrees with Conrad. If he stays out of work for another week, he may start trying out some freshly-pressed sweats.

Their oh-so-romantic meal is interrupted when Connie's new political aide, former mistress, and Queen V's former party planner Ashley appears!

Like, is there seriously no job available that doesn't involve her living in Casa Grayson? She really needs to cut her losses and move on.

That being said, Ash is serving up some political aide realness in this emerald green peplum number. Who needs party planning? Now she's helping Conrad become the Governor or something! Like, I'm sure that it so totally going to work out well for her.

Party planning is a thing of the past! She's gone from prostitution to party planning to politics in the blink of an eye!

Oh, and then the Littlest Grayson shows up all, "Hey! It's my birthday! Remember me? ... no?"

The show even doesn't care about her. Seriously, that decorated grapefruit is getting a better H-to-T than Char here.

Luckily, we get a better look at her dress when her faux-sister Fauxmanda shows up to actually give her an actual giftie:

The dress is pretty cute, but nothing that exciting. We've seen Charlotte sporting cuter dresses. That being said, for someone who's in the episode for 30 seconds, she managed to make a bit of an impression.

... unlike her faux-sister, who's boring as per usz in this oatmeal-stripey sweater.

Jack is also there, with his usual oddly sculpted hair and a double-breasted button-down. You see how low he's got that buttoned? Turns out he's quite the trendsetter, as we go on to see displays of male plumage from nearly every other guy on the show...

The only two dudes who didn't get in on the unbuttoned man-cleave action were the two you wouldn't suspect: Aiden and Nolan.

Aiden was busy modeling his best 007 formalwear (seriously, dude wore this suit for the entire hour)...

...while Nolan Ross displayed his peacock feathers via a number of truly spectacular pocket squares. First, this expertly folded red square to set off his checked shirt and suit:

I luuurveee this suit. The pattern reminds me of the pattern on a Clue board. Also, you can tell from the single collar that he's at a Threat Level 0. Tragically, this is soon to change.

Can we take a moment to talk about Nolan's shoes? I feel like deck shoes are the new collars for Nolan this season, and these macaron blue ones are maybe my faves so far:

Unlike his usual bare foot/shoe look, he brought some mustard yellow socks to complement his tan blazer very effectively.

And did I mention the blue leopard print pocket square? Because...

BLUE LEOPARD PRINT POCKET SQUARE. Oh, and two collars. That's how you know he's got his guard up re: Suddenly Evil Padma. More on this in a bit.

For the time being, all you need to know is that this week brought back the return of a very welcome friend.

First the Red Sharpie Of Doom a few weeks ago, and now Shamu?? Next thing you know, Cray Tyler will be showing up and it'll be a reunion of all the hits from Season One.