Mini recap: Grief

This week on Old Yeller Revenge (!!!): Emily and Nolan tag-team to bring down The White Haired Man, who conveniently shows up at Conrad's office so that they can trail him. Emily wants to kill him, but Nolan and Aunt Carol prevent her. Meanwhile, Daniel continues turning into a supervillain, Charlotte continues to be a mess, and EMILY MAKES OUT WITH JACK. AND SAMMY DIES. SAMMY. DIES. AND THEN!!! THEN!!!! THE WHITE HAIRED MAN CHOKES NOLAN!!!

Emily's Target

She's got her sights set on The White Haired Man... until Daniel's general suckiness, Nolan's 'stache, and Sammy's TRAGIC DEATH derail her plans. 

Gala of the Week
Ashley's busy planning Emily and Daniel's Royal Wedding... but the closest we get to an actual soiree this week is Emily and Jack's heartbreaking Sam funeral.

Best Dressed
Do you remember back in the pilot episode, we called out Lydia's mastery of patterned dresses? She steps it up this week in a gorgeous leopard print dress. Well played, Lyds.

Most Soapy Moment
I was ready to give it to Nolan "Burt, Cable Guy" Ross and his 'stache, until Emily and Jack's sorrow at Sammy's death turned into sexytimes... witnessed by Ashley, who OF COURSE was lurking just around the corner.

Over-the-Shoulder Hugs: 0
No hugs. Everybody's either mad at everybody else, or keeping their secret evil plans too close to the chest for secret evil hugs.

Anthony gets onto the Hamptons Crazytown Express to recap this week's episode on Saturday!

Legacy - Part 1 of 2 - The Parties

Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind...or red sharpied for treason against David Clarke. It's New Year's Eve 2002! And 1992! And 2012! That's a flashback within a flashback y'all (totally Inception-esque) and that means 20 years of style and dramz for us as we dig deeper into the motivations of Amanda (more than just a box of journals and photos!), meet early days Nolan, Jack with bad hair and a girlfriend, Lydia with her cap set at Conrad (10 year affair...well, played Lyds), and Queen V with a serious case of the sads for David Clarke. Of course, no one recognizes Amanda using her real name, so it's no wonder she's pulling off the whole Emily scheme.

As Conrad puts it during this episode - parties are a tax on the rich. And a tax we here at YKYLF agree with because they are so much fun to recap! Especially when it's a flashback in a flashback. The 2002 annual affair is a less flashy one for the Graysons because apparently your busness takes a beating when you frame a man for terrorism and pay off everyone you know.

Shall we break it down by year?

1992

The Winter Olympics happened in France, Euro Disney opened, Bill Clinton became president, Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez and the dude who plays Peeta were born, Boyz II Men topped the charts with "Til the End of the Road", Billy Crystal hosted the Oscars and there were only five best picture nominees (Unforgiven won), and Victoria hadn't started her love affair with the dude she'd eventually have sent to prison.

Oh David Clarke, you were super dashing back in the day. In fact, you even had an adorably goofy side.

Oh you, asking Li'l Amanda, your adorable daughter for advice on tying a tie.

It's really no wonder Victoria noticed you at the party and invited y'all to brunch. I mean, the kid thing is only in theory, seeing as she wasn't so hot on having her own son around when he was a kid (seriously, y'all. There's been no Li'l Daniel in any flashback to date).

However, your taste in friends David Clarke? I feel like you could have spotted that Bill Harmon was a bad apple.

His red sharpie-ing was possibly one of the most satisfying of 2012 (or is it 2011? I'm all backwards on what year it is in Revengeland).

But the lady you're all dying to know "What she wore" back in the day...well...I guess it was fancy for the time. But it certainly is not the Victoria we know now.

Conrad still cut a dashing figure in a tux, but V! What is happening with all that sparkly lace? I know lace is still your thing, but this was not. Neither is the updo. It's nice to know though your penchant for the booze hasn't really changed (although, guilt might have sent it in the direction of something a bit stronger).

There is so much happening. So much sparkle on the top, in the bracelet, in the dangly earrings. So much high ponytail.

Guilt and evil doings must also bring you some style. Because seriously, what is up with the skirt on that dress?

2002

The world gets a break from Billy Crystal hosting the Oscars (still only five nominees; Chicago for the win), Nickelback tops the charts with "How You Remind Me" (and Canada apologizes), the war in Afghanistan and Homeland Security get their start, Princess Margaret and one third of TLC died, President Bartlett is re-elected on The West Wing,  Victoria is still holding on to the empty home of David Clarke only to lose it to Lydia when Conrad sells it and starts a ten year affair, and the gang reunites like a game of Clue (it was Mason Treadwell in the study with the horrible vest) to talk about how they took that David Clarke down.

Well, 2002 is a more subdued year for our friends. At least it is for Victoria. I don't think Mason Treadwell understands the word subdued.

She's chilling out in a wine coloured dress with lace, although, unlike 2012, this is actually her party dress. Not her afternoon drinking or greeting the media dress. But Mason? He must have been attempting to be the Nolan of the first decade of 2000, because let's take a closer look.

There are at least four patterns happening here and two of them are paisley. This is all kinds of a hot mess. The only answer when faced with that outfit and personality at a party? Drink.

Collective "bitch, please" happening over there as they try to one up each other. At least the evil Dr. Banks looked better than Mason in some gold brocade.

I like the dress, but I'm guessing that lady is only impressed by her own company at a party - everyone else is super tedious.

And while everyone is rehasing the take down of America's favourite domestic terrorist and being bored by each other's company, our girl Emily is still chillin like a villain as Amanda and learning that a thinly veiled disguise is your ticket into the Grayson's party.

She also learns they'll say anything around the help, since they assume the help isn't trying to red sharpie them all. Which is probably why Victoria dresses them so horribly.

That cater waiter outfit alone is enough to take some revenge (!!!) on the Graysons. I bet it's that awful polyester that cannot be stained, no matter how hard you try or how much cream of potato soup gets spilled on it (I feel your cater waiter pain Ems/Amanda. BT-Dubs - do I call you Emily or Amanda for this post? I'm so confused).

While the staff room was enamoured with Amanda's more "casual" bar star wear, we totally dug Lyds as our favourite classy outfit for the episode.

More Manolo Blahnik...

Lyds, you fabulous minx you, I don't know where they're hiding you in 2012, but I hope you come back to wreak some havoc and play faux besties with Queen V.

I can't believe either of you trusted the other. But whatevs, that's some serious neck hardware you were rocking back in '02.

Although your best accessory may be your smug bitchface.

I would have thought Victoria to be smarter and catch on to your affair by at least year five (she really should send Ems an personalized and embossed on expensive paper thank you note for exposing that shizz), but that could have been because the cognac was becoming her other bestie.

As I always say, blame it on the Henny.

But the one thing I think we can all agree on about 2002 is that Victoria was laying the groundwork for her newfound mad party steez.

So much better than 1992. And we only know she's going to step it up hard for things like garden parties in 2011/2012.

Speaking of which....

2012

The other trial of the decade has just come to a wrap, freeing Daniel to party with Ems and his family and go see the Hunger Games and Avengers all he wants. Hopefully they didn't make him watch the Oscars with Billy Crystal and nine Best Picture nominees while he was on Rikers Island.

Love the skinny tie and the tailored look, even if you are on the slippery slope to evil Grayson style plots.

And Ems, blonde really is the better choice for you. And you're probably jazzed that this time you get to go to the Grayson party in a dress made of natural fibres with some bitchin' tailoring.

Dress fits you like a glove, as always. I like the navy party wear on you. I really hope we'll get a few winter parties in before the season wraps up and leaves us longing for a Hamptons summer.

And not unlike Lydia, the accessory you always wear best (aside from that great necklace you've got on), is your "Imma take you and your whole famiy down" bitchface.

I'm also hoping we'll see the red sharpie at least once more. Because you were on such a roll.

Legacy - Part 2 of 2 - The Plottings

Oh the what that went down in 2002. Trash talkin', Declan accented, bar fightin', juvie alum Amanda is just a party and a tattoo away from beginning on the path of ABR (Always Be Revenging). But before we could meet her a classy lady (or femme fatale?) Emily, this is how she spent her evenings:

Ass grabbing dates and fish net stockings.

The sheer back is a far cry from her classy dresses that send us into a tizzy. I don't remember outfits like Emily's back in the day.

But this guy? Yeah. That happened.

Totally a night at the Roxbury.

What is love. Baby don't hurt him. Don't hurt him, no more.

Or hit him with a toilet seat. Whatevs.

You know she was tough because she was all about the heavy makeup and the leather back then.

Then again, it seems everyone was into the leather back then. It's all Nolan wore. And brace yourselves: 2002 Nolan is not the Nolan we know now.

The slick hair? No colour? Nary a popped collar in sight? I spy the polo, but he hasn't figured out he needs to pop it like its hot yet.

Even when he changes the jacket, he barely shakes it up by switching the style of leather.

Fur lined, puffy winter leather.

A slightly slicker brown leather.

I think my vote is on biker jacket Nolan. I'd like to see more of that. A different shirt from the black polo and he could have been rocker Nolan.

On her visit back to the Hamptons to read through the journals and spy on the Graysons, Amanda is pretty much all leather jacket all the time as she orders vodka and tonic, hold the tonic.

The scarf is really the only way she changes it up. And not unlike 2012, Sammy is the only one who recognizes her.

That's okay, because I'm surprised anyone could recognize Jack back then with his horrible Dan Humphrey-esque hair.

Holy Eddie Vedder Batman! It really is best to leave that look to the grunge rock gods.

Actually, the bad hair is kind of multifaceted. One minute it's Eddie Vedderiffic, the next it's extra on Freaks and Geeks.

Regardless of the look, there is one thing I think we can all agree on: that is some mothereffing bad hair.

That's the kind of hair that gives hairdressers and barbers everywhere bad dreams. I love me a good flashback, but I hope we don't have to suffer through that hair again.

We need something to take our minds off of it. How about some Li'l Declan??

Awwww....adorbs! And still dressing like American Apparel is the only store on earth. Some things never change. (Although...how old is he here? Charlotte isn't born yet and they're in high school together...what?).

Fortunately for all of us, the puffy vest trends of the mid-to-late 90s and I guess early 2000s (some dads take a few years to catch the trend) has fallen by the wayside.

Oh poor Mr. Porter. We hardly knew ye or the reason you moved your kids into an apartment above a bar. We certainly didn't know Nolan had bought your land to build his gigantico mansion. 

The other thing we didn't know about before this flashback? Jack totes had a girlfriend. She seemed all normal and well-adjusted. Boring. But well-adjusted.

Of course, that's until she went macking on Nolan because she and Jack want different things.

Lady, for someone with wordly dreams, that top does not scream "I want to get out of Montauk."

Now, before Emily came to town all mysterious like, there was a time when the rich and famous avoided mingling with the riff raff. Queen V must long for those days. Although, she probably doesn't long for her dependence on a hair straightener.

Far too Cher-esque and not nearly as nice as her soft curls these days. Besides, it's easier to convince people you're not totally evil when your hair is pretty (pro-tip from the Hamptons).

But it would appear 2002 was a time of harsh hair and lots of animal skins. In addition to all the leather we've already seen, Lyds was totally rocking the fur and a really tight hairdo.

I think Victoria was trying to soften her look with her outfits instead of with her hair. Which is maybe why she chose this cream coloured blouse of questionable fabric.

So. Un. Victoria.

I know Vic. I know. That blouse is cray. I bet you burned all evidence of it. Although it didn't look too horrible when worn with a coat.

Not as awesome as her 2012 winter collection, but less awful than when it's on it's own.

Two men time forgot are Conrad and Frank. Their style didn't really change too much.

Well, maybe the ties got better. But that's about it. I'm a wee bit disappointed he didn't play up the era and do the tone on tone tie/shirt combo that Regis made so popular. Dudes were still doing that in 2002, weren't they?

And I will give him minor snaps for dropping the polo + blazer combo in favour of today's oxford shirt + blazer as casual wear.

That polo does him no favours.

It's funny, 2002 Frank had better ties than Conrad.

Oh Frank. Poor schemey Frank. I wish there was a way you weren't really dead, because I sort of miss you. Even if you did wear the same outfit for this entire episode.

Because only you would kill a man in his boss' pool house tub and make it look like a suicide. Tyler wishes he was half as devious as you back when he was still alive.

And because flashbacks have flashbacks (you see! Inception!), we get to see Victoria's white silk dress of treachery again.

I can't tell why she's so sad. Because she's about to send her lover up the river, because his daughter caught her or because she wore that dress in the rain. Either way...

But those sads aren't going to get you far with Emily. Because while she may be rocking the bangs and wearing plain t-shirts from the Gap in public...

She's just one tattoo away from bringing all y'all down.

Let the Revenging (!!!) begin!

Mini recap: Legacy

This week, on a Very Special Revenge (!!!) Holiday Episode, we were transported back to New Year's 2002 (and 1992). We get to meet flashback Emily, who is still going by Amanda and spends her time beating up boys in clubs with toilet seats. We also get to meet brown-haired Nolan, toddler-aged Declan, and Jack in the most hilarious wig ever. It turns out Nolan inadvertently set the whole Revenge (!!!) plot in motion, helping Amanda realize the extent of the Graysons' eeeevil. We can only hope next week brings a flashback to how she hooked up with the Revenge (!!!) Sensei.

Emily Amanda's Target
Other than the guy she hit on the head with the toilet seat? This week was like the 10-year pre-reunion of the Red Sharpie Society, as many of her previous targets hung out unawares that their lives would be TOTALLY RUINED by that innocuous cater waiter they ignored.

Gala of the Week
Hmm... it's a tie between New Year's 2002 and New Year's 1992. But I'll give it to 1992 because David Clarke was all kinds of sweet hotness.

Best Dressed
Well, it's a toss-up between Jack's Dan Humphrey wig and Amanda's tramptastic club banger mini dress and leather jacket... but I'll give it to Flashback Amanda. 

Most Soapy Moment
I can't choose just one. This week was AMAZATRONS 5000! Queen V sets her sights on David Clarke! Lydia sets her sights on Conrad! Nolan sets his sights on being bros with Jack! Amanda sets her eyes on DESTROYING EVERYONE'S LIVES. But I suppose I have to give the nod to the way Amanda gazed just to the side of the camera and talked to herself at the end of the episode. 

Over-the-Shoulder Hugs: 0
In these pre-Revenge (!!!) days, the hugs were sincere, not eeevil. Although Victoria came close with her hug as she whispered, "You're despicable" to the truly despicable Mason Treadwell.



L-A hops onto the YKYLF time machine to bring you this retrolicious recap on Saturday!

Absolution - Part 1 of 3 - Oh yes, it’s Ladies’ Night

Sweet Falcon Crest dramz, y’all. Winter brings out the best in the Hamptons elite as far as I’m concerned. Forget passive aggression, now it’s like a real life game of Clue - I was seriously expecting someone to get clubbed with a candlestick in the Grayson’s Conservatory. The big news is that Daniel is out of prison and in way over his head with Daddy’s widdle secrets. Charlotte got busted for prescription drug use at school (no thanks to Declan) and can’t seem to let go of the whole “being David Clarke’s daughter” thing. I noticed this week that Jack is flying fast and loose with the info about being on the beach when Tyler was shot. That’s fine and all but just to be clear, the case doesn’t “close” just because Daniel’s set free. They could still frame you, you big, dumb handsome slab of handsome. All that said, I think my favourite moments from this week were Emily getting back to her sleuth-y Revenge (!!!) roots. I love a half-assed costumed caper! Oh, and of course Nolan’s “dead” aunt pulling a shotgun. That was just hilarious.

So, Charlotte... let’s talk. Your school uniform is not by choice. I get that. But what overpriced private school can’t match a skirt to a wine-coloured vest? There are so many more plaids to choose from, yet they went with one that’s predominantly blue? Burgundy is one of the easiest colours to complement. Seriously. You got hosed, girl. 

At least her own personal wardrobe is bangin’. This. Dress. For. Reals. Dark grey and almost tweedy? Cinched with a skinny black leather belt? Sure, it kind of looks like you’re covered in asbestos... but it’s a fine looking asbestos. I wonder why Charlotte never really curls her hair? It’s just like Victoria’s - straight with a little volume on the ends. It’s winter girl, try pumping that ‘do up.

Say what you will about the Grayson women, they sure know how to dress for bed. I have to be honest - I totally want Charlotte’s grey silk robe. Not for the floral patterns. Just because it’s hard to find a nice grey silk these days. Victoria’s lacey number... well... it’s cute?

But wait... is Victoria’s lace garment actually meant for daylight and the general public? Oh yes, friends. Girlfriend wears it proudly as her son is interviewed by a primetime investigative journalist. If your family is on the verge of a federal investigation and you'd prefer to wear something lacey and backless over a smart, conservative pant suit, we've got the look for you.

More Valentino...

And you know what?

OK, we’re used to Queen Vic strutting about in body wraps that pass for dresses, but that revealing little number is just one step beyond werking it. Because I seriously feel like you’re working hard to pull it off. You are not on your way to an after party for the 40+ crowd at Coachella. You’re trying to look warm and friendly so the public doesn’t turn on your family who is at the centre of a full scale federal investigation. I mean, whatever happened to this look?

Victoria wore one accessory this week that made me windmill snap - and it was these purple leather gloves. Because DAMN SON.

Chuck knows what I'm talking about.

Aside from dressing like a future Rihanna trying to recapture her youth, Queen Vic also managed to ruin Ashley’s life this week! Poor little British crumpet thought she had a sweet media relations job lined up with the Grayson family lawyer. Here’s Ashley looking so seriously amazing in an emerald dress with her signature gold bracelet that could take down at least one security guard.

And here’s Ashley looking cute and hopeful in this black (possibly) velvet top with a sheer collar that’s a sheer throwback to early 90s formal wear. I swear I saw Alexa Chung wear this six months ago. But whatever, Ashley’s all, “I’m leaving this labyrinth of crazy bitches to start a new life”.

And here’s Ashley scowling on her iPad after getting fired from her media relations job because Victoria’s reference was that she was “a little tricky”. Seriously ouch times.

Of course, every cloud has a silver lining. In this case, it came in the form of silver daddy Conrad who gave Ashley a new silver Lexus in exchange for working at Grayson Global. Girl was clearly desperate and took it. Here’s a thought Ash: if the ex-wife of the man who just hired you could wipe out your future by snapping her fingers, wouldn’t you be a little wary of him? Nope? Alright, well you look fantastic in this rare H to T shot. A patterned skirt and a long trench? Girl, you crazy.