Part 1 of 2 – Ahoy, Landlubbers
If you’re still trying to process this past episode, don’t worry — you’re not alone. Remind me to never visit Montauk during Labor Day weekend. That’s when people die. Connie and Queen Vic just to need to hook up and get it over with, because the unresolved sexual tension between them just leads to more and more murder cover-ups. Maybe this whole Governor bid will change their fortunes, though I’m betting it causes dramz to end all dramz that came before. At least we can count on the Grayson kids to have a hint of a moral compass. Didn’t Charlotte look totes maternal with Baby Carl? The unseasonably hot weather brought a steamy night of honeymoon passion for Jack and Amanda, but it ended with explosions and — surprise! — more death. Seriously, Emily, it would have been easier to just sink The Hamps from the get go.
The family that buries bodies together, stays together. Even if they don’t want to. From the look on her face, this isn’t the first body carpeting she’s presided over. And I know she’s thinking, “Just put your back into it, Conrad, you big girl.” How apropos that she’s wearing black. It’ll make for an easy, yet stylish, escape.
But wait... why should she escape? No, Victoria’s too crafty for that. After all, this is her house Helen so ungraciously got shot in. Rude. Naturally, Queen Vic steals some of Helen’s things and impersonates her so as not to tip off the driver. Honestly, when I saw her in the head scarf and glasses, I thought “oh no she better don’t!”, and then I was all, “eh, in the long run, how is this the worst thing she’s done?”
The next day, Queen Vic saunters down her palatial staircase like nothing happened, sporting yet another taupe body-con dress. Though people may die left and right, we can always count on Victoria’s personal style remaining the same. It’s oddly comforting. I’m all over the chest peep on this dress — the shape is very elegant for essentially being a boob window.
Even Connie has brushed off the previous night’s events and decides to mark his indifference with a very casual sweater knot. I know having the sleeves tied up near your neck is so totally 80s prepster, but having them hang so devil-may-care near the crotch doesn’t seem right either. No one is that relaxed in The Hamptons.
Predictably, Daniel returns to his suits and ties. After all, he has a corporation to run! These poor Grayson kids... Daniel’s been so run down from all the schemes and whatnot from his parents that instead of raging that they’re forcing him into a murder conspiracy cover-up, he just pouts about his parents being shady. I’d retreat into the same boring suit every week too, Daniel.
Ashley isn’t privy to this latest Grayson scheme, but when you’re planning the annual Labor Day gala which includes Connie’s political announcement, your plate is kind of full. Let’s all take a minute to appreciate this Joie Rancher blouse topped with a sickening blazer. I still can’t decipher what colour that is, so I’m going with electric coral; I used “electric” because that was cool in the 80s. It’s much more mainstream chic than we’re used to for Ashley, but of course she pulls it off effortlessly. Also, clock those shoes — if that heel was any higher, she’d be tipping forward. Windmill snaps for you, gurl.
Now that Amanda is blackmailing with the angels, y’all know that Charlotte is going to be Baby Carl’s new baby-mama, right? Or, she’ll try, yet somehow Queen Vic will send an infant to boarding school. Either way, as long as Charlotte keeps dressing like this, I’ll allow it. Her dress isn’t overly unique, but something about the pattern is quite captivating. Adding a day-glo belt is pretty cute, too. I think next to Emily, Charlotte may have the best natural style and hair. She never looks like she’s in a costume, and her hair is always silky and gorgeous.
Now that Helen is out of the picture, our new contact at The Initiative is this fish-lipped little fellow. Even with a dapper pocket square, I can tell this character is going to be an energy drain on the show. I already miss Helen’s bizarre dress choices and Nurse Ratchet-like hair.
Queen Vic and Connie share my dislike for the new guy. A word of advice: don’t take any shade from these two on Labor Day. They have a habit of making people... disappear on this weekend.
After dispatching with the new guy, Ashley takes centre stage to introduce the Graysons as the last true Rockewellian family in the United States. I’m sure that hair is bunned up in the back, but I love how she was able to change its shape. Let’s be real, girlfriend has some long tracks up in there, but I’d love to see her with a shorter cut. Nothing harsh like a Rihanna bob, but this Downton Abbey style cut would be just fine.
Don’t they look just perfect? Sidenote: y’all better bow to Charlotte who throwing beaucoup shade at the moment.
After the party and charade are over, Connie, Queen Vic and Daniel share a brandy on the Plotting Balcony. Daniel tries to settle his feelings about his parent’s plan to pin the Helen thing on Amanda, while the other two contemplate serious thoughts like, “What’ll I do tomorrow?”
Oh, Graysons. You make other soap opera dynasties look like a bunch of temperamental girl scouts.
Read on, matey! Part 2 of 2