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Wednesday
Apr152015

Revenge: Exposure

So the fall out from Emily/Amanda's big reveal is...a clip show! That's right. In case you've missed the last four years of Revenge and were wondering why anyone on this show is motivated to do any of the bat shit crazy things they do (which, frankly, at this point is legit. It's hard to keep track sometimes), this was the episode for you. Dead dogs, dead friends, dead lovers, dead Red Sharpies, at least one downward spiral and no Declan ever. Basically, a lot of people have died and maybe none are missed more than that damn Red Sharpie of Revenge (!!!). Except maybe Conrad. I really missed him bringing the evil patriarch realness. There's very little plot movement, but let's recap what we do have: Louise starts the divorce proceedings under the tutelage of the Victoria Grayson School of Revengy Divorces; Margaux waffles on taking the high road; Jack drags out the inevitable romance with Emily/Amanda; Nolan is a digital hoarder with a serious case of regret; and Emily/Amanda (what do we call her now?) has the power to show up anywhere in the Tri-State area with perfect timing  whether it's threatening a guy from season one or taking over an interview from Victoria. 

 

Southern Comfort

Oh Lulu. You poor manipulated creature you.

You are probably the most easily manipulated character in all four seasons of this show and that's saying someting.

 

But your divorce wear? Aces. 

It's not just the polka dots or your Middleton-level blow out that's fantastic here. It's the whole early Betty Draper cut of the dress. 

And paired with that clutch and bracelet? So good. Listen to Victoria less and maybe understand why your beard husband couldn't reveal the truth about his BFF (I mean really. That's not really pillow talk) and you're golden. 

 

French Connection

So profoundly sad now that Daniel's been declared a heroic derp and you (briefly) realize revenge (!!!) isn't the way to go. 

You do it with such amazing hair and your blue shadow works so well with the cobalt blue dress with cut-outs. I mean let's try to get a full length shot.

While Victoria is not floating my boat in that burgundy power suit, Margaux's plunging neckline paired with the great drop earrings and the amazing colour are a thing of beauty. Perfect for resting at home after being hit by a taxi that causes you to miscarry. To quote an old French song that Canadian grade schoolers know well: C'est formidable. Exceptionnel. C'est excellent. Sensationnel. C'est Merveilleux. Magnifique. As always though. 

 

The Family that Sweaters Together

Emily/Amanda answers the age old question of "what do you wear as you review your latest coup on the 24 hour news cycle?" 

 

Why, it's a boxy, bland sweater I abandoned in 1997. 

Girl, please. We know your sweater game is better than that. This was a clip show after all, so we saw some of your amazing cable knits from seasons past.

 

Likewise, this cable? v-neck just isn't cutting it.

The family that wears v-necks together, stays together, I suppose. 

 

WhaleCam Revisited

At first, the whole reveal on the news is a great, if just a little subdued, moment for Nolan. The red v-neck (what is it with the v-necks this week?) doesn't really do it for me, but I love that he pairs it with subtle plaid tweed.

 

However, his digital hoarding (hacker pro-tip: delete the evidence that you helped your friend impersonate federal agents, among other things) comes back to bite him hard as Victoria manages to find a poorly dressed young hacker to steal his files. 

That kid in his Office Space Friday Casual wishes he was Nolan Ross. Both in skill and style. Victoria, on the other hand, does casual revenging like no one else in lace body con. I feel like we've seen this look before, but it's a look that works for her and why fix it if it ain't broke. 

 

However, this all leads to a very sad moment. The death of the WhaleCam.

It lived to revenge (!!!) and it did it so well. Like poor, sad Nolan, I'm sorry it had to be thrown into the flames.

 

So damn uninspired

Can you guess who we're talking about here? Yep. The main love interests for Emily/Amanda. Can't she fall in like/love with a slightly more dapper fellow? Ben is all hurt he had to find out from the news. 

Oh really? You thought she'd give that secret up to a dude who wears a black polo to confront her? Let's revisit: your girlfriend's secret identity that she's been working for more than 10 years is not pillow talk. Deal with it. Move on. 

 

And the man who is supposedly the love of her life, if only those two crazy kids could just get their acts together? He wears all the button up shirts. 

Unless you're going to attempt an early days triple popped collar (pro-tip: don't), then one shirt is sufficient for July. 

 

Impeccable Taste and Timing

How does she do it? Emily/Amanda has a teleporter or a TARDIS or something right? Tell me she at least has a helicopter. Because her ability to move around time and space in the Tri-State area and be somewhere at just the right moment is second to none. Senator Kingsley (first victim of the Red Sharpie Society) hangs up the phone and who is there eavesdropping on his plans to take down Emily/Amanda? That's right.

And she's there in white hot pant suit. She may be out of the revenge (!!!) game, but she still means bizness. 

 

And as her computer system picks up on Victoria's whereabouts in Manhattan, she's on it  out of the cable knit v-neck and into the city with a practical grey dress that says "I will cry just a little and throw you under the bus on live TV like the true Gone Girl I am." 

It's nothing special, but it's PR 101 perfect for this interview. 

 

ABC Family Cross Over Special

As Emily/Amanda tells her dad she's got no idea what to do with herself now that her scheming days are done, somewhere on a green screened beach we start to learn what's next.

 

Sipping those mai tais is our next plot twist:

It's #A, bitches!!! Clearly A is a psycho for hire, willing to stalk any blonde with amazing hair.

 

... Or not. I'm sure it's actually something far more convoluted than even Rosewood could cook up. 

Monday
Apr132015

Revenge: Exposure

This week on SADDEST CLIP SHOW EVER: If you were wondering how ABC and Revenge were going to compete with Game of Thrones' return to the Sunday time slot, the answer turns out to be: flashback show. Seriously. Though it was obvz fun to see Nolan's various hairstyles and #NolEm's various takedowns, this all felt sort of unnecessary. Ultimately, between reminding us of the great fun of the first season, the end result is Emily gives a tell-all interview on live TV that throws Victoria under the bus. All of which begs the question: why, in the universe of this show, is everyone across the country obsessed with the Emily Thorne/David Clarke/Victoria Grayson saga? Are there no international wars, Presidential elections, homeland security issues, movie stars behaving badly... like this is seriously the only thing for citizens of this fake world to worry about?

 

This Week's Targets
It's Emily vs Victoria, round infinity.

Gala/Caper Flashback Montage of the Week
While the Emily/Jack/Dead Dog montage tugged at the heartstrings, it was sweet to see the recap of Emily and Nolan's BFF-ship. Plus: bonus snaps for some Flashback Conrad action! The show's never been the same since they killed off that fabulous bastard.

Best Dressed
Is-she-or-isn't-she-evil Margaux's blue dress with shoulder cutouts wins the crown this week. That said, Louise's divorcee chic look, complete with Middleton-adjacent shiny waves, is a vast improvement over her last few outfits. 

Most Soapy Amazatron Moment:
FLASHBACK SHOW. They did a FLASHBACK SHOW, like soaps do for holiday episodes or whatever.

 

 

Check back on Wednesday to for L-A's full recap of this week's dance down memory lane.

Wednesday
Apr012015

Revenge: Clarity

You wanna talk a reveal? Emily Thorne is giving you Full Dramatic Reveal Telemundo Realness. Why? ‘Cuz the woman straight up told the world she is Amanda Clarke. Finally. FINALLY. After all the Initiative nonsense, ninja subplots, Malcolm Black saga and listening to Conrad whisper talk for 3 seasons, we’re making some solid story progress! Let’s all take a moment to enjoy this and imagine where our Revenge roller-coaster will take us next. Actually, forget that — let’s focus on the fact that COURTNEY LOVE is now a guest star playing an assassin named White Gold. That shit is fierce the house down.

 

BBQ-in' Bros

I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t call out Ben’s brother for wearing an ill-fitting Hawaiian shirt to the BBQ where he meets Ben’s ludicrously wealthy, impossibly chic girlfriend at her Montauk mansion. Instead of worrying about how Emily takes her burger, why don’t you slip into one of the many robes you know are stashed in that house and toss that shirt onto the flames?

 

Southern Comfort

Oh, Louise — I’m feeling for you, gal. First you half-murder your brother for your beard husband, then you find out Nolan’s ditching you for midnight beach parties with a slew of drop dead gorgeous men who prefer the company of men. I can’t say I blame him, but Louise deserves the truth. Especially when she wants to get day drunk in a robe and watch bad reality TV. Hun, marry me! Those are for real relationship goals. Shout out to the cute black and white dress she’s sporting while throwing Victoria out of the house. Honestly, it works because of the yellow belt (and I’m sucker for a red head).

 

Lady in Black

Despite being one of my favourite classy ladies of Revenge, I’m disappointed with Victoria this week. It was black, black and more black. This ain’t winter in NYC, doll. She might have been put in her place when it came to naming the research centre after Daniel, but the look on her face during Emily’s reveal was everything. I can’t wait to see how she deals with this business. 

 

GQ? More like He-Q!

Tbh, I’m not sold on that subtitle, but I’m all for trying new things. Anyway, I’m loving Nolan’s color block looks this week. Pistachio is not an easy shade to pull off, especially with his fair complexion. But damn, if I didn’t want to tackle him to the ground and tear that jacket to shreds while we had a moment like Danny and Sandy on the beach in Grease

 

Now, when your boy drops into the club with that scarlet jacket, that’s a look for days. Nolan’s giving me Swooning Entrepreneur the old way and hair the new way. It’s a nice contrast against Emily’s teal top. Praise hands for her gold jewellery, I adore the geometric shape. 

 

Tell It To Him, Stevie

How many of y’all gave some snaps to Stevie for laying down the law with Emily? I mean, at this point, I’m pretty sure Em and Jack will end up together when Revenge is done and dusted, but she treats him like a damn doormat. Stevie took it up a notch and gave David an earful while wearing a gorgeous eggplant sweater, expertly paired with a simple gold necklace. This is a perfect example of keeping things simple yet stylish. It’s bit more comfortable a look than Emily’s simple chic but it’s working for me. 

 

French Revolution

Let’s be straight up about Margaux: she’s been a bit batshit crazy the past few weeks. I don’t know if this temporary lull in Red Sharpie activity is an act, but we’ll wait to see how she handles Emily’s confession. While she gave you Executive Realness when meeting with White Gold (yes, the assassin), she channeled some severe Blanche Deveraux looks with that flowing silk floral robe. And threatening her henchman with his own hit? Don’t cross this woman, hun. 

 

This Hit, That White Gold

I AM SO HAPPY COURTNEY LOVE IS ON TV. The woman is the definition of ferocity and even in her brief scene with Margaux, she killed it. Much like she’ll kill whoever’s on her list. The woman’s a professional and you’re getting that as she coordinates her clothing to her name. The shoes, the clutch, the necklace, the raccoon eyes – it’s all happening. And I’m so thankful she wasn’t named Blue Black. 

 

Full Dramatic Reveal Telemundo Realness

Emily, gurl. Oh, my bad — Amanda. No, Emanda. Gurl. There was plenty of white and beige being served for y’all and her BBQ ensemble was a prime example. Y’all know that’s a Cashmere sweater and the necklace is perfectly set against its neutral tone. Hair goals for days.

 

Aside from the teal look at the club with Nolan, Emanda’s drop dead look this week was the dress she wore to the press conference that shook the nation. It looks like a wallpaper we had in our kitchen in 1991, but on a solemn woman about to bare her soul, I’m living. Don’t think I didn’t notice she wore white to convey some shred of innocence to the public, OK?

 

I still get a kick out of watching her and Jack in scenes together. For sure he's a handsome mutha in that suit, but he’s also so short next to this Amazon. Look closely at all their scenes — Jack is at least a foot away from Emanda at all times to cheat the camera. 

 

I’m upgrading the TV Wine to TV Bourbon for next week’s episode. Do y’all think Victoria and Margaux will go soft with this confession? I think there’s going to be a severe chance of weave ganking and body shanking after this. But if we just focus on White Gold for the rest of the season, I’d also be fine with that, too. I LOVE YOU, COURTNEY.

Monday
Mar302015

Revenge: Clarity

This week on THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN EMILY AND NOLAN DON'T HANG OUT ENOUGH: Louise is going full Betty Draper in her sham marriage to Nolan, which turns him into Don Draper, which is not going to lead these two anywhere good. Meanwhile, it turns out I was wrong and Margaux intentionally miscarrying  not only was it totes an accident, but she now feels bad about blaming Emily. Has there ever been a more wishy-washy villain ever? Luckily, Victoria's stepping up to take revenge (!!!), which means she steps into some serious Maleficent chic this week. As a final twist, Emily steps up and announces her true identity to the world, surprising everyone, including her ostensible BFF. When Emily and Nolan don't get bestie time, stuff like this happens, you guys!!

 

This Week's Targets
V's out to get Emily again, which is so much more satisfying than watching her plan parties or whatever. Meanwhile, Emily's got a reverse-vendetta as she sets out to clear Daniel's name.

Gala/Caper of the Week
All the big shots came out for the opening of the Not Daniel Grayson Memorial Wing of the hospital! I don't think this show's done a literal groundbreaking before, so golf claps for trying something new.

Best Dressed
Queen V and Margaux were both working some ferosh grieving villain chic with Margaux's structured menswear insired ensemble and V's American Horror Story fashions.

Most Soapy Amazatron Moment:
So the assassin Margaux hired was SPECIAL GUEST STAR COURTNEY LOVE!! First Empire, now this show? I am here for C-Love's takeover of primetime soaps.

 

Check back on Wednesday to for Anthony's take on this week's Revenge-tastic shenanigans.

Wednesday
Mar252015

Revenge: Loss

This week our revenging focus is not on Louise's recently deceased brother (RIP what's-his-name), but on Margaux's wild attempts at taking down Jack, Emily and everyone in sight in an effort to clear her derpy baby daddy's name. After an ill-fated try at clobbering Jack, Margaux admits defeat and decides that maybe revenge (!!!) doesn't suit her. That is, until she gets hit by a freaking taxi, loses the baby and claims that Emily pushed her, even though she was 5 feet away. You don't stand in the middle of a NYC road unless you want to get hit, amirite?

 

Southern Comfort

Considering her brother fell to his death last ep, Louise's storyline is incredibly minimized, as is her wardrobe...

We get it, you're in mourning. How about you throw on a LBD for us, Lulu. She does ham it up for hot cop, Ben, though. Excellent acting, even with a horrible accent. Luckily Nolan is killing it as always. I'm really dying over those kelly green trousers. Stunning.

 

Nolan trades in the green pants for reds, and Louise admits she may have been slightly present when Lyman toppled over the cliff. Gah, this show is soapy!

Louise's dress is a step up from the chunky cardi-sweatpants combo, but not by much. Flattering? Sure. Boring? Definitely.

 

Stevie G. in the House!

Looking like a big happy family, David, his daughter, and his fake daughter's son, are all smiles while babysitting. 

This really is an adorable picture, but I'm really crushing on Emily's top. It's her standard ivory/black casual revenge (!!!) wear, but the zipper detail takes it to the next level. More than your casual day clothes, Ms. Thorne. And that's because girl's on her way to the courthouse.

 

Breaking news: Stevie G is back in town to help Jack plead his case (literally). Remember how she's Conrad's ex and Jack's secret mother? No? Did you forget about that? Me too.

Forgettable character aside, I'm digging her green peplum blazer. Flattering and profesh. Jack looks pretty standard, but he did just spend the night in jail, so it could be worse. Ems shows her support by throwing a white blazer over that covetable blouse. The girl's all class, like a Sliding Doors-scenario Kate Middleton.

 

Though his lawyer/Mom got him out of jail, Jack was assigned to work with this hard-ass social worker. And I guess in his line of work, it's maybe warranted...but dude. Jack's a good guy. Relax.

Another power blazer from Stevie, but I think Jack's wearing the same shirt from earlier. You think he would at least shower post-jail, right?

 

You know social worker's all business because not even Nolan can charm him.

How could you be so judgy against this lovely man? He's wearing a pocket square, for Christ's sake! He's glorious!

 

Because Social Worker is, after all, human, he later returns to the club to ask Nolan out. I refuse to learn his name because I feel he will be gone soon. Poor Nols and his non-stop, extremely tragic lovelife.

But YES to adding that paisley pocket square! The man can do no wrong. Except in the aforementioned dating/marriage department.

 

The Virtual Red Sharpie

Newly revenge (!!!)-crazy Margs is looking fierce as ever at the courthouse in this white shift.

Snaps for matching her lipstick to the red stripe in her dress. Not so fab? Ripping a child away from his father. Must be those pregnancy hormones driving her crazy.

 

At the end of the day though, Margaux knows that revenging (!!!) isn't for her, and she calls off the whole thing so no one else gets hurt/dead.

A hint of a baby bump? Hmmm, maybe, but that dress helps to accentuate every curve in that little lady's body. I'm liking edgier Margs.

 

Ems, not so much. She finds Margaux's partner in crime, and manages to coax Jack's blood sample off from him. But not without some black hoodie ninja action!

I don't know how teeny-tiny Emily can always take down these big bad guys. She has no down-time to train!

 

On the plus side, she does have the team and the skillz to figure out that the judge working Jack's case has her greedy little hands in Margaux's very stylish pockets.

Emily manages to get her latest boy toy to wire into Lady Judge's carphone system to take her down. Well played, but I think we'd all agree she was an easy target. I mean, when Hot Cop can take you down, you know you're not a real threat.

 

A Frolic in the Road

Now into the juicy goodness of this episode with Margaux's real revenge (!!!) target, Emily Thorne. Woot!

I'm not sure I've ever seen a genuine smile on this show until now.

I'm scared.

 

Anyway, Victoria was prematurely celebrating the acceptance of plans for a new foundation in Daniel's name, but learns that someone on the committee voted it down. So why not show up at Emily's pad to accuse her of being the deciding vote?

Wide shot to show the contrast. Yes! Loving the royal blue on Queen V, and surrounded by all of the ivories and golds in Emily's place, she looks like an actual queen.

 

Too bad Vicky's mistaken, as Emily actually voted in favor of the building, and is staying true to her ceasefire with Victoria.

Way to kick her to the curb in some killer smart casual wear. And I am particularly living for those yellow pumps. Gots to have them.

 

Stymied at Emily's manse, Victoria heads over to Margaux's with a lovely baby gift... along with a little guilt.

Plot twist!! Margaux was the one vote that nixed the project, because she wanted to give her child a better start than "son of Daniel Grayson, phihlanderer, drunk, derp..."

 

Daniel's ex-wife, meanwhile, takes her heart-to-heart with Papa Clarke seriously as she decides to make peace with Margaux. Both Clarkes choosing the path of peace? What show is this?

Similarly, I'm on the fence about this look from Ems. On the one hand, I like the black skinnies and boots, and Lord knows I love me some ombre, but the top seems way too big, even for casual revenging. And because it can't be said enough: someone get that man an iron! Or at least a wrinkle-free fabric!

 

Regardless of poorly pressed trousers, Emily follows her Dad's advice and heads out to call a truce with Margaux. Her nemesis is straight out KILLING IT in this Madonna-inspired pantsuit. Those are words I never thought I'd type together.

But that gorge ensemble is most definitely ruined the second Margs gets hit by that cab. Holy crap, I knew it was coming, and I still jumped.

 

Vicky's all out of sorts, as you would imagine, when she learns that her grandbaby is gone due to this little accident, but that won't stop her from wearing the tightest dress imaginable.

Can you imagine her as a grandmother? Seriously. Also note to Louise: this is how you do grief properly on this show. Less slouchy sweats, more skintight lace insets.

 

Still looking pretty with scratches and bruises all over her face, Margaux lies through her teeth and tells Victoria that Emily pushed her into traffic after faking a ceasefire.

J'accuse! (!!!)

 

And Emily runs home to Daddy after realizing that the high road is filled with taxis poised to strike adorable French girls at random.

So, after a bit of a fakeout, Margaux is still on her revenge (!!!) kick. Silly me for thinking she'd be over it by now. But now that Victoria thinks Emily killed her grandson, V's back in the game too.

Bring on the mega-soapiness! REVENGE!!!