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Wednesday
Oct012014

Revenge: Renaissance

Welcome back to another crazypants Montauk summer, y'all! Season 4 is like Revenge Remixed, combining same-old (the annual season-opening Memorial Day party, Charlotte's poor life decisions, Daniel's derp face) with some new stuff (Emily now owns Grayson Manor, Jack is now a cop [?], Nolan's hair is spiky). Victoria's spent the hiatus going full-on Mona Vanderwall, owning the psychiatric hospital with her oddly perfect hair and resting bitchface. Oh and David Clarke? Yeah, he's still totally alive and possibly also totally evil. Which would make sense, considering how his daughter turned out.

 

Charlotte is still The Worst. THE WOOOOORRRST.

Let's get this out of the way. Every season starts with an attempt at a worthwhile Charlotte plotline (she's a drug addict! She's pregnant! She has bangs!) and none of them ever work. So this season it seems they're just leaning into her as The Worst.

To begin with, she's moved on from that sleazy dude last season who turned her into Charvatar, and is now hanging off of Margaux's greasy half-bro. Not so much an upgrade as a sideways lurch.

Eeeeeesh. I can smell that Eurotrash stank through my laptop, here.

This week alone, Char kidnapped her nephew, did coke out in the open at a party, mooched $7K in rent from her broke brother, and wore this outfit. Like, it's fine, but nothing to Pin.

Let's face it, girl is basic. At least her clothes match her personality.

Charlotte: Look at your life, look at your choices.

 

French Women > Rest Of Humanity

When Margaux's new bob debuted in the Revenge press materials, we here at YKYLF were (Tim Gunn voice) concerned. Bowl cuts are no woman's friend.

But luckily, her cut has a bit more shape and sass than it first appeared. And of course, this hairstyle is resting on the head of Karine Vanesse, who has freakish mutant style superpowers.

Nobody's going to argue this dress isn't amazing. The yellow is hard to pull off but see above re: superpowers. And I especially like how her earrings look like talons, like she's a badass businesslady who will cut a bitch if you don't do her bidding. Combined with the hair, she's an Anna Wintour-in-training. 

 

BUT YOU GUYS. Why can't they re-do things and make it so Margs is Emily's secret half-sister? Look at these two!

Or if not sisters, maybe they can be BFFs and snark on Daniel's idiocy over bottles of champagne. How did that guy get with both these ladies? I mean, honestly.

(Oh, and we'll get to Emily's dress in a bit. Because OBVIOUSLY.)

 

Your Weekly Nolan

Oh, bb. How I've missed you.

You'd think this would be the #1 Diva Moment of the show, but just wait.

 

Sidenote: is his suit...crocheted? Because I'm a fan of the new spiky hair, ascot, and polka-dot shirt, but knitwear had better not be his new thing this season.

Seriously, it's like he's wearing a person-sized dishcloth.

 

All hail the new Queen!

So, what does a girl do once her vendetta is over and her boyfriend is dead? Buy your enemy's mansion and BROOD FABULOUSLY.

This look is like whoa. The side-swept hair. The Betty Draper silhouette. The throwback hostess vibe, barely disguising her inner revenge demon. This is one of her best looks ever, and not just because it's not made of freaking beige for once.

 

Front view!

 

Side view!

 

Rear view!

BTW the lady on the right is Emily's proxy this week, a woman wronged by some rich folks who Emily decides to avenge due to her latent revenge addiction. It goes as well as you might expect, which is to say, perfectly.

 

Jack totally doesn't look like a stripper in his cop uniform.

Nope. Not at all.

 

One Flew Over the Crazy Eyes

How has Queen V spent the last six months? Oh, just chillaxing in this show's version of PLL's Radley. And a la OITNB, she's got her own obsessed fellow inmate, played by The Voice of Lisa Simpson.

 

You know it's real b/c Victoria offers up the episode's first over-the-shoulder-hug:

 

But of course, gurl's got scheming on her mind. Through a series of coincidences and plans that I didn't quite follow, she wound up strutting out of the looney bin in the episode's #1 Diva Moment:

 

Yeah, there's a reason they call her the Queen.

Monday
Sep292014

Revenge: Renaissance

This week on Wait, Is This Back On Already? : Don't worry if you forget what happened last season, because this premiere gives us a clean slate for basically everyone. Emily is the new Queen V, living it up in The Mansion Formerly Known As Grayson Manse. Nolan's doing a new spiky hair thing and being the best BFF on TV. Daniel's still gross. Margaux has new hair. Charlotte is still The Worst. And, most perplexingly for a guy last seen being arrested for kidnapping, Jack Porter is now a rookie cop (?) who definitely doesn't look like a stripper in his uniform (he absolutely looks like a stripper in his uniform). Most importantly, Queen V's been holed up in the looney bin this whole time. But with the help of Lisa Simpson and the sprinkler system, she's somehow back on her doorstep -- which is Emily's doorstep now, remember. And who else is there, too? Emily's NOT DEAD DAD!!! Who seems like bad news.

 

Emily's Target
Now that Operation: Destroy Graysons is through, Emily's at loose ends, doing some random revenging on behalf of a stranger whose fiance was killed in a yachting accident. Yeah, I don't know.

Gala of the Week
Cementing her role as The New Queen of the Hamps, Emily takes over the big Memorial Day shindig.

Best Dressed
I luuurved Emily's throwback/Jess Day style party dress, but did she accessorize with a chaise longue and cute dudes in sailor suits? Giving this one to Nolan's camo suit.

Most Soapy Moment:
Can this go to any moment other than Queen V's slo-mo strut down the hall of the psychiatric hospital, umbrella up, face totally serene as she blows that popsicle stand?

 

Check back on Wednesday for Ann's full fashion recap of this newest, weirdest season of our guiltiest of pleasures.

Wednesday
May142014

Revenge: Execution

Y’all, there’s a lot to talk about today. Putting aside the fact that Revenge(!!!) is now a showcase for black fabrics (save for Nolan), we got a whole lotta story dumped on us. Let’s start by pouring one out for Bernie Lomax Aidan Mathis, gone too soon… or something to that effect. It’s not that I doubted the chemistry between him and Emily, or his usefulness outside of “broody henchman who consistently fails to deliver” — it was just time for him to go. Naturally, Emily took it hard, but not as hard as Victoria took that shovel to the face. Nolan’s busy scheming with Margaux’s lil’ bro, Gideon. Although, Nolan's Revenge(!!!) style is more suave and concealed, while Gideon's is more “planting dead coke whores” in his enemies' beds. The cherry on this very dark sundae is the return of David Clarke, who immediately murder stabs Connie Grayson. Farewell, Conrad — you’re loudly whispering unsolicited, dramatic monologues with the angels now.

 

Y’know, if I was going to send off the corpse of my one true love, I might break my own rules for funerals and go full-on Mourning Glamour. OK, Victoria has been to (or caused) enough funerals in the past 3 seasons, so maybe her black wardrobe is running thin. But c’mon, she looks like a sad caballero. 

The Spanish-influence on the strip of brocade is an interesting touch, but I feel like an American Idol judge from 2007 — "I need MORE."

 

Margaux, however, is on the other end of the grieving spectrum. Not exactly crushed by father’s death, but respectful enough to wear black and pair the dress with some stunning onyx earrings. 

I’m not a conservative kind of gal, but her styling feels more LBD than Funeral BD. I guess when you’re stunning with gorgeously styled hair, you get away with more risqué fashion in uptight, North American traditions. 

 

This, my friends, is the look of a woman who devoted her entire life to seeing the sad look on Conrad Grayson’s face when his world fell apart. It lasted for about 7-seconds, but by golly wasn’t it worth it? 

Kudos to you, Emily – animal print was an outrageous choice for fashion on Conrad’s judgement day. So poised and satisfied… I hope it lasts LOL. 

 

As the upper crust send the casket back to France, the Revengers toast Emily’s victory and all the murders/espionage/life-ruining/petty theft/white collar crime they’ve committed in the name of David Clarke and friendship. QUAINT! 

Jack’s transformation into a cover model for Details is still lovely to see. Great garment choices, complementary colours, coiffed hair — he deserves a TV wine toast. And yet again, Nolan is my barometer for the seasons in Montauk. Judging by his jaunty striped sweater and absolutely chic plaid pants, I’d say we’re bearing down Labor Day, again. And nothing bad ever happens on Labor Day in Montauk. *shifts eyes*

 

Friends, we have a late addition to the game. Please welcome swarthy Gideon, younger brother of Margaux, whose accent was brusquely explained by a stint in a New Hampshire boarding school. 

I’ll be honest, I’m into the long hair. I know I just praised Jack for finally taming his, but it was so unkempt. Gideon looks like he can spend a few dollars on decent product...althought his upfront, "I’m here for Revenge(!!!)" attitude had me immediately suspicious. 

 

OK, here’s where the real action starts. You thought it was when Conrad got arrested and verbally bitchslapped in court? No, it’s when Emily sends Aidan after the psychiatrist who locked her away as a child and convinced her David Clarke was a monster. Putting aside all of that for a minute — why the hell didn’t Emily track this woman down earlier? 

I mean, the Graysons orchestrated the whole life-ruining scheme, but the psychiatrist is the one who kickstarted Emily’s psychological descent into Revenging Warrior Princess. Why waste your time on Mason Treadwell (never forget) when this lady is way more integral to the plot? Maybe she blended into the background with her drab, “psychiatrist on a 90s Law & Order episode” look.

 

Basically, the psychiatrist and Victoria worked together to brainwash young Emily. Now that Emily’s hunting her down, the shrink turned to Victoria for help. With Aidan ready to drop all the truth bombs, the only natural course of action was to poison his tea so Victoria could smother him. 

I’m into her Angel of Death look. Really loving sheer cutouts right now and the skirt has an interesting pattern. Clock Aidan’s hand on the desk. See ya lates. 

 

Now, I don’t know if they planned it, but Weekend at Bernie’s was just released on DVD this month. Yes, Emily’s heartbreak is sad and moving, but can you deny how morbidly hilarious this scene was?

 

I mean, how did Victoria get his corpse to the beach house? And place him so elegantly on the sofa? Who started the fire? Is Andrew McCarthy behind any of this? I love a dramatic reveal, but damn this was campy. 

 

OK, back to the fashion — anyone else getting serious douche chills from Daniel? The suit makes him look like he asked his tailor to dress him as “the cool guy from Casino mixed with the tough guy from Boardwalk Empire.” 

All of that look sitting on leather furniture while drinking Absinthe? I bet he works out to Guns n' Roses. I bet he’d debate you on whether or not a fedora would really set off this look. I bet he prefers Sprite over 7-Up. #textbookdouchiness

 

Now it’s Emily’s turn to mourn. Lotsa sadness in this hour, huh? At first, I thought the look was pretty utilitarian for a funeral. I mean, pants and a leather jacket? Those are your Revenge(!!!) clothes, girl! I get the sunglasses to hide the puffiness of cried out eyes, but the scarf? Not the best distraction. 

But after her casual chat with her secret sis about digging up David Clarke’s grave, I understand the sartorial choices — she fixin’ to get some diggin’ done! 

 

How many showdown photos do we have of these two? I have to say, this latest is one of my favourites, mostly for Victoria’s beautiful coat. What is that, ombré snakeskin? It’s got a scaly detail I’m living for. Also, bless her for wearing heels in the grass. That ain’t no easy feat. 

While these two shade the house down, Victoria realizes Emily is digging up Amanda’s grave and before she can put anything together, a swift shovel to the face stops her in her tracks. I did not see that one coming. 

 

 

 

As all of this drama is happening/putting every recent primetime soap to shame, Conrad appears to get his assed saved yet again by the system (re: money). Disguised as a priest, he’s helped out of jail by a few guards who tell him to wait for transport. As the van pulls up, Conrad’s story finally (FINALLY) comes to an end with a roadside stabbing. 

So between his death and Victoria waking up in One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, I’d say the Clarkes are making the best of the situation. 

 

Oh, did I pluralize Clarke? Why yes, indeed. Because while Emily (i.e. OG Amanda Clarke) locked Victoria away with the ol’ bait-and-switch exhuming, OG Bad Boy, David Clarke, was the one who shanked Connie! 

I’ll be honest, most of this season — even this episode — I was thinking the Revenge(!!!) was getting stale. But this? This is next level shit.  

 

Of course the only way you could end all of this nonsense is with a slow motion walk by Emily Thorne, master of Revenge(!!!). That Lanvin coat she so gracefully swings over her Michael Kors dress is beautiful. I mean, what is that coat made of, unicorn mane? Show me a few more of those and I might reject cotton altogether.

If you're going to end a season on a cliffhanger, you might as well do it with a few deaths, a resurrection, and a masterfully planned confinement to hospital.

 

Alright, Revenge(!!!) — the ball's in your court for next season. And judging by the way things are going, there's a good chance that ball is a cleverly disguised bomb and/or security camera. See you in the fall, Revengers!!

Monday
May122014

Revenge: Execution

This week on GAME OF THRONES, HAMPS STYLE: So much death. So. Much. Death. Things kick off with Victoria killing Aidan with her bare hands. Like, I don't think Emily's ever gotten her hands that dirty. Then, Margaux's brother Gideon takes Daniel out for drinks, which winds up with Dan in bed with a dead hooker. And THEN Charlotte has a PTSD flashback and realizes that Jack helped kidnap her, so now he's off to the police station. But all of that pales in comparison to the next two things: 1) David Clarke — WHO IS TOTALLY NOT DEAD — totally murders Conrad. Repeat: DAVID CLARKE IS TOTALLY NOT DEAD and is apparently now on the show in the manner of Ali on PLL. And THEN 2) Queen V wakes up in the asylum — having been checked in by Emily for her "delusions" that Emily is Amanda Clarke. 

 

Emily's Target
Emily has like ten seconds to celebrate the victory of her father's conviction being overturned before Aidan's dead, and she turns all of her rage toward Victoria. Now technically, Conrad's the one who shoved Pascal into the helicopter, but I guess I can see why V blames Ems for it.

Gala of the Week
N/A. Too much drama to have room for black tie events. 

Best Dressed
Emily's black leather jacket with ruffle was cute (in that ninja sort of way) but I think I liked Queen V's graveyard coat the best. Stealth, in the manner of Carmen Santiago.

Most Soapy Moment:
Are you kidding me? How can I pick just one? I will declare a tie between David Clarke's back-from-the-dead murder of Conrad and Queen V's American Horror Story style freakout in the asylum...followed by Emily's badass strut down the hall. 

 

Check back on Wednesday for Anthony's take on this, possibly most dramatic episode of Revenge to date. REVENGE(!!!) 

Wednesday
May072014

Revenge: Impetus

After nearly three full seasons of scheming, ninja-ing, and amazing outfits, Emily finally achieves 50% of her stated goal as Conrad gets the Red Sharpie* treatment. (*Sharpie not included). Her plan was of the usual convoluted nature: Kidnapping Char to brainwash her against her father, trusting she'd immediately go confront Conrad, and that he'd confess to all of his crimes just in time for the whole thing to air on TV. As you do. The only possible flaws in her plan come in the form of Jack's judgeypants, Daniel's intent to expose her Pascal's killer, and Victoria's amateur CSI routine to prove Emily's really Amanda. And then PLOT TWIST! Those letters Charvatar was receiving from her father may have really been from her father. Is David Clarke alive??

 

Margaux is the new Ashley

Seriously, show? We only get ONE OUTFIT FOR MARGAUX this week? At least it's a good one. I mean, I think it's a good one? She's so fab it's hard to tell. But I think the neckline combined with the lightly structured shoulders is a win. I think? 

 

Here's the back: 

(Hi, Tyler Jacob Moore, formerly of GCB!)

 

OK, the sleeves are maybe a little weird. But her earrings are cute, her makeup is flaw-free, and her hair is kind of...like how Nolan's is, these days?

 

Later on, she throws on a random oversized coat jsut to make herself look even more gorge than usual. I was going to say it was Daniel's coat, but he's wearing his coat. So she just...has a really big men's coat ready at all times to throw on like a cloak? 

Of course she does. She's like a French superhero in this. La Femme Fashion.

 

Your Weekly Nolan

While Mr. Ross brought his best hacking and BFF skills to the plate, his clothes were far less OTT than usual. Like, he was dressed entirely in black and gray this week. And I don't know what to think of these new collars.

First: Turtleneck? Just checked my notes and I have no idea what threat level this signifies.

And it's also got 3/4 sleeves. You guys, is he shopping at the same place as Victoria? Will he start wearing bandage dresses next?

 

Anywhoo, the only other article of clothing we see him wear is this gray wool jacket: 

I mean, it's cute in that sort of 1950s Gregory Peck sort of way, but that's not the Nolan I thought I knew.

 

Annnnd now that's more like it. Same Oliver Spencer coat, differently buttoned, turns an otherwise standard collar into a Mandarin collar. 

But you see what I mean, his hair and Margaux's hair have the exact same cut? Maybe they use the same hair salon.

 

In Case You Forgot: Grayson Men Are THE WORST. THE WOOOORST.

So on the one hand we've got Daniel, owner of the most slap-inducing smirk on TV:

UGH. How could Emily have ever...UGH.

 

His coat is nice, and yet the odious horribleness of his personality makes me still want to slap him. Still, that's an underrated length of men's coat.

HATE.

 

And then we've got Con, Non-Father of the Year (i.e. screaming at his daughter that she's useless and he can destroy her anytime).

 

Dude doesn't even deserve a Red Sharpie. Emily gives him the Go Straight To Jail, Do Not Pass Go treatment. And Connie suddenly sees Emily in all of her glorious revenging angel glory.

I think he sort of admires her for everything she's done. And furthermore, I think he's going to help her bring down V. Maybe?

 

Queen V Does Mourning

Apparently, the death of Victoria's Insta-True-Amour, Pascal, was mainly an excuse to trot out her finest black outfits. First up, this black trench (which I think we've seen before) worn while gazing mournfully out at the sea with her totally evil son.

Not pictured: she's wearing pants (!) that are rolled up at the ankles (!!) so she can wander around barefoot in the sand (!!!). That's how you know something's wrong.

 

Next, she throws on perhaps my favourite black leather jacket I've ever seen, while pulling out Emily-esque ninja moves to steal DNA from L'il Carl. Seriously, check this black leather action: pockets and zippers and perfectly tailored and the cutest little peplum in the back. #WANT

But seriously, she somehow is the reason the toddler was crying on the ground, right? You know she'd do it.

 

She spends the rest of the episode in this 3/4 sleeve black turtleneck dress. She looks age-appropriate, for the first time in forever, and also like she's able to properly inhale.

Added bonus: mourning has done wonders for her hair. Those loose waves are Emily-adjacent.

 

And then? Just in time for some impromptu/gothic piano playing, she throws on this velvet shoulder-padded Dynasty-style number to smirk at Con as he's hauled off to jail. 

Aw, she's nearly smiling. Cute.

 

But then she pulls out the best accessory of them all, the #I WILL DESTROY YOU look. 

I'm legit scared for Emily right now.

 

The Lady of the Hour

Raise a glass of champers for Emily, the woman who FINALLY HAD A PLAN THAT TOTALLY WORKED!!! Ems started out the hour in her finest PLL #A hoodie:

(But you know Emily's not A. Those bitches would be long dead by now if she were.)

 

She dons normal person drag to head outside. For Ems, that means this AMAZE camel coat on top of her ninja blacks, along with a printed scarf and sunnies. Love the look on her face, all, "You need to take moi to the police station?"

Sidenote: love how she's belted this coat. I WANT EVERY PART OF THIS OUTFIT.

Here's the H-to-T (you knew it involved skinnies and killer heels, right?)

And I can't not show you her classic black handbag. Stylish AND convenient for secretly messaging Nolan to change your fingerprint records.

 

What does your face look like when you get 50% of all you've wanted for the past three seasons? Pretty much like this:

Somehow, that little tear in her eye is like the perfect accessory.

 

How to celebrate this victory? Just a little something we like to call: NOM!

 

And things are good, right? All systems go? Except for the part where her father MIGHT BE TOTALLY ALIVE. Because cufflinks.

Or something?

 

Who Faux-Kidnapped It Better?

OK, when we started this site, I don't think anyone imagined that in a single week, we'd be recapping not only two faux-kidnappings, but also...well, you'll see in a minute.

Because Charvatar wasn't the first lady to be fake-kidnapped on TV this week. Revenge vs Reign: who fake-napped it better? Round one: blindfolds:

I'ma give this one to Emily's henchmen. Charvatar's blindfold looks a lot cleaner and less scratchy than Cathy's.

 

And round two... earrings on severed ears!

Notably, both shows combined fake-kidnappings with fake-ear-amputation. OK, these are apparently both legit ears, but neither belongs to the kidnap victims. Guys, that was a REALLY WEIRD COINCIDENCE right down to both ears wearing EARRINGS. Though I'll give the overall ear to Revenge, for the additional blood, which makes it all more convincing.

 

Seriously, if next week's Revenge finale features Ashley lurking around corridors wearing a burlap sack, I will declare official shenanigans and/or the Revenge and Reign writers hang out all together in what may be the most fun staffroom ever.