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Wednesday
Nov192014

Revenge: Contact

This week on WHATEVER HAPPENED TO REVENGING IT UP IN GLAM GOWNS?? WTF ALL THESE HOODIES??: Nolan and Margaux break my heart by feuding before they realize that the two most fabulous people on the show have to be allies and join forces against Louise. Speaking of, Louise continues her spiral into crazytown with the world’s most terrifying Pinterest board. Daniel is maybe possibly growing a few brain cells and is definitely continuing to crush on Emily. Jack continues to be the world’s most boringly noble police officer, and David breaks up with his daughter sparkly vampire style so he can get his reveeeenge on New Anonymous Villain / continue to sleep with Victoria. In the absence of deep-underwater near-suffocation therapy, Emily turns to some light torture to help her through this emotional time.

 

The Chicest Blondes in Town (Sorry, Emily)

You guys! At the beginning of the episode Margaux and Nolan formally declared their enmity in the time-honored Revenge ritual: leaning purposefully against the nearest horizontal surfaces, glaring at each other, and talking in Batman voices. My heart! How could I choose which side to pledge my allegiance to?

Margaux’s Gucci dress with black-and-white art nouveau stripes are classically chic, and the earrings are such jaunty little accessories. At first I was going to complain that the long sleeves and high neck would be stifling in the Hamptons in summer (it... is still summer on this show, right?), but then I remembered that Margaux’s so rich she probably has someone to tote around a personal air conditioner wherever she goes, so: complaint withdrawn, Margaux remains flawless.

 

Of course, Nolan makes a solid case for his side as well. Three collars and a nautical theme, just as in days of yore!

The seahorse pattern on the button-front shirt brings out the salmon tone of the polo shirt perfectly, and get the little pop of lilac on the underside of the placket! That’s the kind of attention to detail that makes Nolan such a compelling candidate. On the other hand, he lacks Margaux’s ability to suss out a psychopath (and always has: remember his past relaysh with Crazypants Tyler, Crazypants Patrick, Incredibly Boring Padma ET AL)

 

While Margaux intends to destroy Louise for last week's attempted-murder-via-sauna scenario, Nolan, having never met a psychopath he did not immediately find charming (see above re: Tyler, as well as his continuing loyalty to the fab-yet-sociopathic Ems), thinks she’s a peach.

You can’t really see much of Louise’s eggplant dress here (it’s being blocked by the mandatory cleave shot), but it goes very nicely with her red hair, and you can see why Nolan would be charmed.

 

He'd probably be less charmed had he seen this furious debate with her (imaginary) mother earlier in the episode. Real talk: I can’t wait for Nolan to find out about Louise’s Mommy Dearest, because then he will come up with a punny nickname for her and I won’t have to type out a complicated explanation of Louise’s delusions every recap.

Until then, I will just note that Louise may have inherited her ability to wear jewel tones from her mother—love the cobalt blue on them both—but someone really needs to take Mommy Dearest aside and explain to her that dress silhouettes have changed since 1987. Except she's imaginary so we need to offer the memo to Louise's subconscious, I guess?

 

Nolan does at least find The World’s Creepiest Pinterest Page on Louise’s tablet.

Nightmares forever.

At this, thank heavens, he finally comes to his senses and decides to ally with Margaux against Louise, single-handedly preventing YKYLF from being torn apart in a bloody civil war of Eurochic Parisian pixie cuts against neo-WASP Nantucket red deck trousers.

 

David Clarke, Sparkley Vamp

Meanwhile in another part of The Hamps, David and Emily attempt to hash out twenty years of emotional family baggage as Victoria unplugs her heart monitor or fakes a seizure every five minutes to keep Emily from turning David against her. Or they’re attacked by ninja doctors. It’s always something.

You will recall that last week’s episode ended with Victoria being struck down by God for her lies or accidentally electrocuted by a plot device, depending on who you ask. David rushes straight to the hospital in the ambulance, begging Victoria to survive, but Emily Thorne, stone-cold badass, shrugs her shoulders and heads home to change before she mosies on over.

She doesn’t even break out a good outfit for Victoria’s sickbed! She’s just like, “Nope, standard immaculate camel coat and a rag & bone tank, that’s the best this bitch is gonna get.”

 

She does take the time to stop and do her nails though, which is somehow even colder.

“Oh, it looks like Victoria might not make it? That’s too bad. Hey, do you think metallic or matte with this outfit?”

 

So then, she and David talk about how Victoria went out of her way to ruin baby Amanda’s life and David’s all “That was totally a misunderstanding, how she paid that psychiatrist to brainwash you,” and Emily talks about how she dedicated her life to clearing David’s name and punishing his enemies.

David: "Oh my gosh, when I left you those journals that outlined in painstaking detail the way every single person I knew had betrayed me, you thought I wanted you to get revenge? Oh nooooo, this is so awkward, I wanted you to forgive them, I thought you were gonna need all that detail for all the forgiveness you were gonna do. It feels like we’re on a TV show called Forgive, am I right?"

 

Poor Emily is so heartbroken that for comfort she has to turn to a big cuddly sweater and Daniel Grayson.

Daniel is really turning over a new leaf since he’s learned the truth! Remember how it used to be that he’d just automatically believe the last person who spoke to him, whoever it was? Now he's able to hold grudges against people and refuse to believe them for entire episodes at a time. He’s also crushing hardcore on Emily since he realized what a badass ninja she is like, join the club, dude.

Not gonna lie, he’s her least boring prospective love interest at the moment, and I could definitely be persuaded to ship it.

 

Speaking of badass revenge(!!!) ninja Emily . . . 

David gets attacked by a group of doctor ninjas, and Emily comes flying in out of nowhere to kick their asses and then gaze up at David all, “Are you proud of me, Daddy?”

 

But he's TOTALLY NOT! He tells her that the doctors work for the guy who broke him out of prison, who is even worse than Conrad (which, ugh, the last time they broke that descriptor out was for The Initiative, and I think we can all agree we don’t want to go back down that road again). And then he tells her he has to take care of New Nameless Villain on his own, and that they must stay apart for her own good.

David Clarke! You can only use that line when you are a tortured vampire breaking up with your underage high school girlfriend, not when you’ve just been reunited with the daughter who dedicated her life to you! (You know he mostly did it so he can keep boning Victoria.)

 

But hey, at least Ems has a red hot poker and a ninja doctor to keep her occupied in the meantime.

 

See you next time when Team Blonde Glamour destroys Louise. Hopefully by then David will have realized not to turn his back on the daughter who knows 200 ways to kill a man.

Monday
Nov172014

Revenge: Contact

This week on GREY'S HAMPTONS ANATOMY: After last week's slight electrocution scenario, Vicky G's pulling her usual melodrama as the world's evillest hospital invalid. Jack's getting flirty looks from the new FBI agent in town, who just happens to be investigating the dude Charlotte killed. Emily and her Dad are at odds about her lack of concern for Victoria's life, then bond over their shared ninja skills, but ultimately he dumps her "for her own good." Meanwhile, Louise's antics become Fatal Attraction-adjacent with her shower surprise for Daniel. And all of our shipper dreams came true when Nolan teams up with Margaux (who he calls MARGIE) to bring down Chesty McCrazyboobs. And just when you think that's all that can be crammed into an hour of show, Emily trudges down into her Dexter dungeon to TORTURE A GUY WITH A RED HOT POKER LITERALLY.


Emily's Victoria's  David's Louise's Margaux's Target
Basically everyone on this show's got a vendetta against someone else. This week, the fabbest Frenchwoman on TV steps up to try and take down Chesty McCrazypants. She's not successful (yet) but I appreciate her trying.

Gala/Caper of the Week
None of either!! How long has it been since this show had a party? This is Revenge(!!!), not Sadface People Gaze Upon One Another In Business Casual Hour.

Nolan's Bon Mot
"Oh, no no no no no. Can't I just have a normal friend??"

Best Dressed
We're reaching the point in the season where I'm considering just giving this to Margaux permanently. I mean yes, her art nouveau secretary ensemble was simply gorge, but it's getting a little unfair how nobody else even gives her a run for her money anymore. Step it up, wardrobe department! 

Most Soapy Moment:
This one goes to Queen V's baller move of unplugging her heart rate monitor just in time to distract David from getting to talk with Emily. Am I the only one thinking she staged her own electrocution as well, for the same reason? BALLER MOVE.

Come back Wednesday to see what Constance has to say about this week's raspy-voiced confrontations and nautical looks.

Wednesday
Nov122014

Revenge: Ambush

This week was low on fashion but high on hijinks as Emily does a bank heist in seven minutes (including elevator escape and a "seriously Daniel, it's time to move on" chat), newspaper clippings and a knife conveniently appear at the scene of Charlotte's murder victim an OD, Victoria bribes a stripper, and crazy Chesty locks Margaux in a steam room. Oh, and David Clarke still doesn't recognize his daughter. I feel like he's either on a really long con or he's an idiot. 

 

Margaux Is A Goddess, Part Infinity x Infinity

C'est vrai. Margaux does win again this week. Because no one else brings it like she does. Casual day in at the office and a game of tennis calls for looking that fabulous, of course. And is it just me, or is her hair getting even more magically amazing each week?

Girlfriend has got to branch out from the deadweight that is Daniel. And not just because he introduced crazypants Louise into her life. But also because he's surfing gossip sites about his wedding (for clues about Emily? He never was the brightest).

 

And also because this is what he wears for the entire episode.

I feel like he's veering into Members Only territory and that's probably not somewhere he wants to go. He's got enough baggage as it is. He doesn't need that jacket to go with it. 

 

The Real Housewives of Montauk

So, I think I speak for us all when I say that I'm glad to see the money Margaux "loaned" Victoria is going into satiny loungewear. She may have been deprived of her plotting balcony, but at least she has her dignity when she gets a cup of coffee. 

She also has a stellar spidey sense, since she had a sneaking suspicious someone was in the house. She wasn't wrong, as Emily was breaking in and finding knives and keys in her old hidey hole.

 

Which means Nolan is tasked with finding out what the key belongs to. Because he's Kreskin? 

I guess he might be, because he totally figures it out and then gets the Ocean's 11 plan rolling. 

 

He also kicks that patterned top up a notch with bright green Fay chinos and a jacket. 

Basically perfection for Nolan. Loud, but without being a costume. (Also, Nolan and Mr. Sheffield as a crime-fighting duo? Someone make that fanfic happen). 

 

The Daddy/Daughter Sleuth Hour

The Clarkes keep it subtle this week as they both sleuth into each other's pasts. Emily opts for a khaki green short trench.

 

She pairs it well with skinny jeans and a fantastic pair of boots. The perfect fall outfit, if this were fall. I honestly have no idea what season it is — The Hamptons is apparently another one of those seasonless places. 

Show, this is why we need the gala parties to mark the passing of time. Apparently the residents of the Hamptons also need those seaonsal markers.

 

She also pairs it with a violent disdain for Daniel.

That accessory pretty much goes with any outfit, though.

 

For crying in the rain over her lost father, Emily goes for an casual Vince ombre knit. Which, frankly, makes sense if it's still summer. 

A summer storm calls for a light knit like this and no one wears a light knit as well as Emily does. 

 

As for David, he keeps it to muted greys for his blazer and a basic black shirt.

It's the perfect look for surprising your long lost daughter, confronting your lover, and questioning strippers.

 

It also looks good when paired with a look of shock.

Yes, David Clarke, that is your daughter. Thank god she had that tattoo or you'd never have recognized her.

 

He's probs feeling really stupid that he has the same screenshots of Fauxmanda as we have in the YKYLF archives

Oops. Wrong daughter. 

 

Find Me In Da Club, Bottle Full of Bub

Over in Da Club, our new set in town, Chesty is confronted by her Crazy Southern Mama, making Louise feel bad for herself. 

Crazy because this well dressed southern woman (love the pearls and sundress. Reminds of summer way back when we had Red Sharpies and parties all the time) isn't actually in the room.

 

Poor Louise.

 

Don't feel too bad though. She rallies and locks Margaux in a steam room to kill her. Very, very slowly. 

This kind of attack on a lady is totally basic. I mean, A did this to Spencer a few seasons ago and added a creepy message in the steam while s/he was at it. Chesty needs to step up her game. 

 

This near-murder on his property puts Mr. Sheffield in a bad mood, but Nolan fixes that up nicely by buying the club. 

You can just see the bad day melt away from poor Mr. Sheffield's face. He probably skipped on home to The Nanny. 

 

In another kind of club, in another part of town, V is bribing strippers. 

She looks classy even in a red light district. 

 

Because Margaux isn't an idiot, she totally figures out it was Chesty who locked her in, but because she's too trusting, she gets Daniel to call her. Chesty takes Daniel's accusations well, especially since she can just keep saying "you slept with me" like it's the worst thing Daniel has ever done. Honey, if you're going to blackmail Daniel Grayson, you need something more substantial, kiddo. And it's not like there's nothing else to choose from — how many people has he killed/attempted to kill??

Like I said, basic. Whatevs, girlfriend looks good (and rather chesty) while holding that over his head. The textured white dress with the chunky white costume jewelry is great for a summer (?) drink at the bar.

 

And for creating the creepiest mood board ever.

I guess that's one reason to keep a secret Pinterest board. She must be really stoked that Charlotte The Worst shuffled out of her way for rehab/a recurring role on an ABC Family show.

 

And because Daniel is an idiot, Margaux is probably out of her way as well.

Two things I've learned from that scene: 1) Daniel should never play high stakes poker; and 2) more drinks should be thrown in Daniel's face. Golf claps to Margaux for doing that with such class. Incroyable, indeed!

 

Red and White and Blue All over

In spite of the earlier return of Victoria's classy nightwear, her casual wear is still a bit disconcerting. 

Jeans and a v-neck sweater? Still?? Where are the body cons and the bold coloured day dresses? 

 

Ah, there they are. Just in time to steal things that were stashed inside of your old sculptures.

 

It's a good thing Victoria's friend was tacky enough to buy all of her belongings. Including her ex-throne.

If she wasn't planning to use it as a part of a revenge plot, she could have at least re-upholstered the chair. Ah well, her tackiness saved Victoria having to hunt down that jewelry. That could have been a lot of teas with women around the Hamptons trying to find a pair of earrings. 

 

We were also treated to this stunner of a red dress. 

Remember the days when Victoria wore this because it was the second Tuesday of the month? Now it's the dress she wears to remind David Clarke of her undying love (because she kept the earrings all this time) and for Most Dramatic Exit in a Nighttime Soap: electrocution.

Well played, Victoria, well played. That's one way to keep a man. 

 

And, because we here at YKYLF love you, here's Deputy Jack in his uniform. 

His role in the story is neglible at the moment (although dead body with a clean knife and newspaper clippings and a shady partner will probably change all that) and his outfits are still lacklustre, but we felt it necessary to share pictures of him, still adorably clean-shaved, in uniform.

You're welcome. 

Monday
Nov102014

Revenge: Ambush

This week on SOMEONE'S BUILT A NEW SET: Suddenly, everyone's all about The Only Spa In The Hamps, which is the site not only of Louise's near-murder of Margaux, but is also home base for Nolan's latest hacking scheme. Of course the big development was David met Emily... and totally didn't recognize her. So our gurl contines her investigation of his missing years, which includes a fun elevator bank heist. Then a wind storm tears through town, trapping Nolan in the spa overnight AND electrocuting Queen V which, frankly, she deserved for thinking she could outsmart Emily Thorne/Amanda Clarke. But anyway, I think The Spa is a way better meeting place than Jack's bar ever was and the new development that Nolan owns the spa gives me hope it can become like the new Peach Pit.

 

Emily's  Victoria's David's Louise's Target
With the Clarkes and Graysons all aiming their machinations at one another, Louise is the only one with a really epic scheme this week as she tries to steam Margaux to death so as to become Queen V's surrogate daughter.

Caper of the Week
Emily and Nolan get their Oceans 11 on this week with a bank heist with a seven-minute time limit. Bonus snaps for Nolan's laidback hacking from the spa lounge, as well as to Ems for scaling an elevator shaft in 4" heels.

Best Dressed
With everyone running around in ninja hoodies, spa robes and/or police uniforms, the winner this week is YET AGAIN Margaux. I don't remember her dress that well, but damn if she didn't look amazing throwing that drink in Daniel's face.

Most Soapy PLL Moment:
So... A totally locked one of the Pretty Little Liars in a sauna like that, right? Shout out in the comments if you remember which Liar it was and in which episode. It was a decent try, but Louise is no MonA... at least not yet.

 

Come back Wednesday for L-A's take on this week's low key fashions and spa shenanigans.

Wednesday
Nov052014

Revenge: Damage

So! Many! Revenging! Clarkes! First, David takes out his revenge against Nolan on live TV, accusing him of not giving any money to Amanda, and punches him right in that beautiful face. Not cool. Meanwhile, Emily and Jack simultaneously, and separately, realize that maybe David wasn't being tortured by Conrad for all these years. Because nothing is ever straightforward on this show, ever. And while it seems like another week of Charlotte #THEWORST, her storyline's pretty good this week, so hold on tight.

 

Father/Daughter Revenge(!!!)-ing (Separately, of course...)

From afar, Victoria's cardi looks blood-spattered, but it, in fact, covered in red flowers...obvs. I think I would like casual Victoria more if her hair was a little undone. Let's see the old Vicky G rocking a ponytail, amirite

David's playing it cool around Victoria, but I'm hoping he's about to put the kibosh on this whole situation because he's way too smart to fall for her obvious scheming.

 

Emily, the revenge(!!!) master that she is, knows something's up, and has her bestie hacking into the FBI's Psych profile on her father. As you do.

Emily can work some muted separates. This color is gorgeous on her, even if I would kill to see her in a flirty cocktail number now and again. And Nolan's back to his Season 2 self in this double popped collar and blazer combo. #memories

 

Boyfriend carries this look over to his beachfront property with a surprise visit from the man in question.

David's weird safari cargo shirt gives me the major sads, but I love how Nolan acts like a star-struck teenager around David. Adorable.

 

Burned by David's cold shoulder, Victoria decides that she needs to "prep" Margaux for her interview with David and runs into her derpy son instead. 

The Queen sure knows how to sell crazy with those eyes, as well as a dress with at least one belt too many. She does, however, drop a truth-bomb on Daniel in that his newest client, Busty LaRue, is off her rocker. Takes one to know one, V.

 

Speak of the Devil...

Crazypants has a suuuuper creepy daydream about Victoria treating her like a long-lost daughter, and I haven't been able to sleep since I saw it. At least she's reigning the girls in with this demure floral shift. Not reigning in the banana crazycakes though.

 

Anyway, Victoria meets with our fierce French fashionista to make sure nothing unexpected happens during David's live interview. Margs kills it in this skimpy tennis ensemble.

GUURL! I'm dying. Sporty Margaux. Who knew?

 

She reels it back in to surpervise David's interview in a stunning pantsuit. Yes, this woman is pulling off a royal blue pantsuit without looking like a Hilary Clinton impersonatorIs there anything she can't do?? Snaps for the new hair. Now that it's grown in a bit, I'm loving it way more than I thought I would, considering the the promo pics for this season.

Victoria looks worried in Bandage Dress #5,642. It's more modest than most of her dresses, but all the red this episode seems quite foreboding, no?

 

As it turns out, Vic has nothing to worry about, because David's chumminess with Nolan was all a front. Yes, he's pulled a classic Clarke scheme to expose Nolan for withholding funds from Amanda, and on live TV, no less.

Quite the handsome ambush on our fave. At least Nolan looks absolutely smashing in that blue polo, plaid blazer combo. Aces. 

 

But then David has to go where Emily never would and PUNCHES NOLAN RIGHT IN THE EFFING FACE!!! What the H? (I'm sparing you a pic of our pal Nolan with a bloody nose, he deserves better)

 

As Nolan is feels the heat from Papa Clarke, Em stakes out David's supposed living quarters for the last 20 years.

That's our girl: hiding in a silo in a black hoodie. She's back!

 

And she's better at the whole revenge(!!!) game than daddy dearest, as she discovers that maybe David wasn't held against his will at all.

Dun, dun duuuuunnnnn!

 

Hot Cops

In an almost silmultaneous act of discovery, handsome Jack and his equally handsome, yet taller partner, discover a double infinity carved into a post at their deceased colleague's home.

I have to be honest, I kind of zoned out during most of Jack and Hot Cop's scenes this week, and woke up during this final realisation. I'm sure I didn't miss anything.

 

#TheWorst

In our second, and far worse storyline, Charlotte wakes up to find that she's actually being held hostage by the slampiece she hooked up with last night.

She's not just The Worst, she's got The Worst Taste In Guys.

 

Char manages to come to her senses, fighting back and killing the guy with the sort of ninja skills every Clarke is apparently born with. And THEN she actually calls Emily for help. While Charlotte has "Walk-of-shame" written all over her, Ems dons her black hoodie for some crime scene clean-up.

She also lays some big sister advice on Charlotte, and very casually tells her that Queen V was actually the one that killed Aiden. I'm not sure why Char was so shocked. Literally, I thought everybody knew this by now.

 

But the truth bomb goes off and Char cuts ties with her mother. Color me impressed because gurl does this looking... acceptable.

First siding with Emily, and then dropping Victoria. There might be hope yet for this girl! 

 

... Until she makes a stop off at Daniel's and more than likely reveals the truth about Emily and quickly goes back to being the worst.

Ugh, double-worst right there. Queen V's success rate at birthing non-terrible children is 0/3.

 

So, David wasn't where he said he was, and at least Team Emily knows about it. Victoria and David seem happy enough for the time being, but I'm sure that will all come crashing down because: obviously. Daniel is still pointlessly doing nothing other than being used by Chesty's crazy delusions, but it keeps Margaux around, so I'm on board. And let's hope Charlotte returns from this trip with more than the bangs, leather pants and attitude she brought back from her last trip.