Chaos - Part 1 of 3- Guess who's back?

This was THE episode of the season. The first episode of the series began with this night and now after just 15 episodes we have arrived back full circle. We start off knowing, or rather, thinking we know what's going to happen. Daniel bites it. Or does he? Let's back up 24 hours. Nolan and Emily are trashing an empty hotel room searching in vain for her revenge (!!!) box. We quickly learn that Emily’s old buddy Tyler has returned. SURPRISE!  Not only has he taken her box of secrets, but he’s kidnapped Emily’s chief minion Fauxmanda.  Jack has been summoned to Haiti to save orphans and Pappy Grayson is on the hunt for his successor, Danny, to take over the family biz. Amanda not only returns to the show, but she makes a return into Jack's life for all of 2.5 seconds before disappearing in a cab leaving Jack in hot pursuit with blood on his hands. Things get a little dicey at the party and on the beach and somebody ends up dead. But who pulled the trigger?

In a strange moment of clarity, Declan tries to convince Charlotte, who is nursing a hangover of epic proportions, to see a therapist to deal with her issues. Too bad his good intentions are over shadowed by the douchefest that is his t-shirt. As much as I would like to believe that Declan is a fan of the amazing British series Skins, I highly doubt that is the case. At least you can’t see his chest hair…?

 

Why slug cheap whiskey when you can pop prescription pills?

Meanwhile, at Grayson manor, Ashley is rocking another fierce outfit. Seriously. Check out those heels. Sadly, like always, we only catch a fleeting glimpse before she disappears to go tie chair covers, or fold napkins or whatever it is she does.

Emily looks absolutely smashing. Her shirt is gorgeous. Check out that detail. Nice straight leg pants and cute white purse.

Such a classic and chic summer look. Girl really does know how to dress.

Victoria continues to be a stereotypical mother-in-law and threatens Emily by inferring that just because he liked it enough to put a ring on it, doesn’t mean that Emily going to be Mrs. Danny Grayson.

Note the strange party that’s happening in the background. Who the hell is that crusty old white lady hanging out with all those young, attractive foreign dudes? If TV has taught me anything it’s that rich old white ladies usually lunch with other old rich white ladies. Maybe G-ma is hiding a dark secret or something.

Poor sweet Charlotte. Girlfriend is clearly rocking yesterday’s dress but that doesn’t stop Pappy Grayson from ensuring that by delaying her therapy now, he is only setting her up for millions of dollars in therapy bills later in life when she realizes she’s Mrs. Declan and has a 20 prescription pill a day habit that she chases with cheap whiskey while hauling back on a menthol cigarette.  I digress. Props to Pappy G for at least including the charming life lessons of “every quid deserves a quo”. #truth.

Tyler is clearly out to mess some stuff up.  But Emily comes prepared for their rendezvous in the parking garage. Those straight legged pants are not just stylish they’re practical too- the spandex blend lends perfectly to shoving a gun down the back of your pants when dealing with the annoying problems in your life like a missing box of secrets and a cunning nemesis.

In what is likely just a clever ploy, Fauxmanda appears to have been persuaded by Tyler to turn on her bestie. The good news is that there appears to have been a BOGO sale at the bad-ass store as Fauxmanda and Tyler have matching bad-guy outfits.

That should help to make that $5 million ransom check stretch a bit further. 

 
Also, note to Tyler- work on your getaway car. There is absolutely nothing threatening about a Toyota Corolla.  

Chaos - Part 2 of 3 - Wait a Minute Chester

Ahh Nolan. Another day, another popped-collar ensemble. Full disclosure- I was not a Nolan fan initially. I just couldn’t get past the Bieber hair and the sproingy collars. I have since changed my opinion and my now a big fan. Dude really nails the Hamptons summer casual look. And this two toned, double collar number? Hitting all the right notes for me.

I’m not sure who’s more upset here, Nolan or Emily.  Or Jack. Those are some legit tears in his eyes.

Oh and the part about giving Emily the dog? Please.

Just look at the sadness. What's making me sad is his dull shirt, but then, not everyone can be a bright shooting star. That's Nolan's job.

Don't be jealous, Jack. Nolan is here with a bro love hug. Maybe some of his style will literally rub off on you.

You gotta dig Nolan’s pep talk telling Emily to go make little volunteer babies. Ever the hopeless romantic. It’s charming really.

Oh Victoria. At least the costume department stopped putting her in bandage dresses. Instead, she wears the equivalent of my grade 8 prom dress to just hang out and give Connie a hard time when he tries to give her stuff. Seriously, she looks like he tried to hand her a dead fish not the deed to the castle. Must be nice.

The whole exchange with Tekada was kind of useless. But I will say that his translator was at least wearing a nice outfit. Check out the detailing on that white blouse. The costume department must be getting all the nice white pieces in rotation now before Labor Day is over or something…

Danny does look rather striking in his black three-piece suit. In the middle of the day. In the summer.

Tyler does indeed look under medicated. And also like he is going to the party to be the caterer, not a guest. The white jacket dark pants look screams wait staff to me. Oh and also? The reason why he doesn’t want to “go be a millionaire in Canada” is because well… nobody wants to go do that. I can say that. I live in Canada.

Chaos - Part 3 of 3 - Party Time

And there it is folks. Ashley’s first fashion misstep. I get that the theme is “fire and ice” but I don’t think the idea was to be that literal about it. That dress makes her look like she’s about to step on the ice to deliver a riveting short program, land a triple salchow and skate her way into the hearts of the country.

Oh Victoria. There you go again. Always making things about yourself. Who signs their divorce papers at their son’s engagement party? Golf claps for pulling off that dress at your age, though. It really is a stunning colour and I’m a big fan of the jeweled detail. Gotta give some props to Connie as well, the man clearly passed on his ability to rock a suit to his son.

And the dramatic flipping of the business card? Priceless.

Ok. I need to take a minute to discuss the shoes. Those shoes mean business. But I can’t help but feel a little underwhelmed by them, Although, I guess they do strike a fine balance between “hey I’m at a fancy party” and also “I want to ruin all of your lives. In killer, yet sensible heels no less”. Girlfriend also has some legs. Wowza.

And how can we forget this season’s hottest accessory? A gun.  I’ll admit that I didn’t watch all of the shows from NYFW, but I feel fairly confident that none of the runways featured leg holsters and guns. But then again, what do I know?

That hairdo is not doing her any favours. It’s too tight and slicked back and makes her look extra harsh.

At first, I loved the dress. I love the one shoulder and the cut, but what the hell is that weird extra bit of fabric hanging out around her stomach? I don’t care who you are, nobody wants to draw attention to their stomach, especially not with draping fabric.  Unless they’re trying to hide something in plain sight. What are you hiding Emily? I’m going to start the speculation. Is Emily preggers with Danny’s spawn?

Meanwhile, in some sketchy barn…Given the choice between wearing that dress and taking one for the team, I have to say, I’d take the bullet. Fauxmanda might be a little rough around the edges but even she knows a tragic dress when she sees one. She does have good hair all throughout the episode though, I will say.

Emily does a fine job of accessorizing with this outfit. That clutch and earrings are quite lovely. And the ring… wait for the ring.

Bam! Check out that ring! So awesome.

Moving along…

Nolan is looking extra dapper while he creeps away on his trusty Ipad. Remember Penny from Inspector Gadget and that cool computer she had that was disguised as a book? That’s what this reminds me of for some reason.

You gotta hand it to Nolan for daring to wear that red jacket. He looks great, albeit slightly schmarmy like a Palm Beach used car salesman..But mostly great.

Charlottle is rocking her dress, despite her newfound prescription pill problem. That's multi-tasking for you

Anyway. On a boat somewhere….

Can we take a minute here to pay some respect to the trusty whale cam? Where would we be without that hilarious little piece of technology.

Aaaah Shiz. Just as Jack is poised to make his grand escape, Fauxmanda comes running back into poor Jack’s life. For like, 2.5 minutes.

They’re even dressed the same. They must be soulmates.

Well, that just about sums it up. The whole Daniel/Tyler thing is really bugging me. The teasers CLEARLY show Daniel biting the dust, but then oh no, just jokes, it's crazy old Tyler! So I'm pretty curious to see what that's all about.

Until next time, don't stop revengin' (!!!).

Mini recap: Chaos

FIRE AND ICE PARTY! FIRE AND ICE PARTY! This was, without question, the OMFG-iest episode EVER EVER EVER! I can't even... So, the body on the beach is Tyler, not Daniel (to the happiness of me, Queen V, and anybody with an appreciation for gorgeous abdominals). This leaves the question WHODUNNIT? Was it Fake!Amanda, out to protect Emily? Was it Jack, fed up with Tyler's crazypants ways? Was it Revenge Sensei, trying to help out Emily? Was it Nolan, using some kind of gun iPad app? And then at the very end, Revenge Sensei picked up a hitchhiking Fake!Amanda - like, we GET IT, REVENGE (!!!) writers, you are all gods and goddesses. Raise your Red Sharpies in respect because this was THE BEST EPISODE EVER!

Emily's Nolan's Target
Turns out that Tyler was the one who left the Red Sharpie'd RSVP. (Apparently, high-security psychiatric facilities aren't that hard to break out of). He's out for blood - his plan was to kill Daniel and frame Emily. Luckily, he's an amateur at the revenge (!!!) business and he winds up a body on the beach.

Gala of the Week
FIRE AND ICE PARTY! The ladies in red, the men in white, suspense and drama permeating the late-summer Hamptons fog...

Best Dressed 
Who knows?? Was there fashion in this episode? The only thing I know is that Emily's dress was all kinds of fug. I get that she has to have room for a gun, but like... not in a kangaroo pouch, mmkay?

Most Soapy Moment
I don't know if it's particularly soapy but I liked the tidy (and inexplicable) way they returned the Infinity Box via Revenge Sensei. He was just like, "Oh, hey, thought you might want this. TTYL."

Over-The-Shoulder Hugs: 2ish
Definitely at least 2 from Queen V, probably none from Emily... WHO KNOWS?? FIRE AND ICE PARTY!!

Mel will have more time to examine the fashion from this week (AND THE DRAMZ!) and will report back to y'all on Saturday.

Perception - Part 1 of 3 - The Family Ties that Bind (and maybe chafe)

What's on the Revengenda this week? As Greyson weddings and divorces ramp up, Emily totally came packing with the Red Sharpie of Doom. But her feelings got in the way. No worries, just about everyone else was set to self destruct this week and did her work for her. Vic almost manages to keep Daniel quiet and Conrad to man up and be Charlotte's devoted father again. But oh shizz! Nolan letting Jack see  Jack and his feelings for Fauxmanda bust up the dinner party and causes Conrad to spill the paternity beans, leaving Charlotte devasted (natch) and Gramps Greyson questioning Conrad's ability to be a dad and a CEO. Ashley is questioning if she hitched her horse to the right cart and so is Fauxmanda - which has the potential to get Tyler-levels of messy if the bitch goes rogue. And all of this goes down while Nolan takes the popped collar to new heights. 

There are two props that are going to make or break Emily's plans to ruin everyone's lives this week and neither are a sharpie (damn). 

Of all the tapes to drop under Jack's bed! And of all the tacky looking invites! I mean, I dig that you went for a box V, but what's with the plastic shizz masquerading as a crystal? Was Swavorski closed when you decided to mail these out for the snap engagement party? You're probably pissed about that. It's why socialites need months to plan the engagement party. It's okay, I know you've got bigger things on your mind. Like the secret paternity of your daughter, your son getting engaged to the neighbour who shoots you serious side eyes, a family with a serious comittment to teal (seriously - watch for it), and your longing for your dead ex-lover. 

And what does the fabulously wealthy wear while lounging at their dressing table having feelings about the ex-lover they sent up the river for mass-murder and terrorism?

Why a full length silk and lace dressing gown, of course. Although I appreciate she dresses in silk and lace just for herself. Queen V don't need no husband at home to dress sexy - she dresses sexy for no other reason than because she wants to. Which is why her trip to the bar later on comes as a total shocker.

Whaaat? I didn't even know she owned pants. I mean, she's still the best dressed lady in the dive, but Victoria in something other than a bandage dress was our most recent shocker. So going from that to jeans in under two episodes is actually making our heads spin a bit. But straight up props to Collateral Damage Charlotte for that outfit. Kitten usually rocks the adorbs dresses, but this red and white casual outfit is killing me in the best way possible. I think it's the white belt on the red pants that has me. Also the look of "aw yeah, I'm all that and my boyfriend pisses my mom off" is also a win.

The trip to the bar is the only time either of them goes for pants. Because Charlotte is still rocking the wee dresses. And the teal.

Kid does ruffles like no one else can. I like the cut-out neckline detail as well. What could be such a boring dress is made adorable by the detail and her accessorizing with a teeny gold belt.

For family engagement photo time....wait. Why is the family all getting their pictures taken for the engagement? Isn't it usually just the couple? Or did they all want in on the chance to dress in white, seeing as Victoria has so cruelly not planned a White Party this summer (she probably had to postpone after her bodyguard/lover was murdered and her son's roommate went crazypants)? Anyway, Charlotte does it right with cute one shoulder and hey! ruffled sleeve number.

Two of her talents are wearing ruffles without looking too twee and putting on a bored rich teenage face.  Kitten's also mastered the art of the sun dress.

Even when she's sad about being the daughter of a terrorist and turning to the bottle, she looks adorable. 

At the photoshoot, I was kind of thrown off - I thought V played it safe at first and then I realized the L'Wren Scott with it's pops of red floral detail was pretty much teh best.

Lady, you are wearing the hell out of that dress. And you keep your cool and your red lipstick on like a boss, even when you're threatening your husband.

And while rolling your eyes at your daughter for eating strawberries while wearing white. Doesn't Charlotte know by now that the red fruit is for show only?

They were a bit of an unlikely duo this week - being all mom and daughter friendly. But the duo I want to see some more of is this.

Partly because I'm tired of seeing Charlotte be collateral damage. And partly because I think they'd do a fierce rendition of Sisters once all the Revengin' is finished.

Although, Charlotte really isn't very Vengeful like her biological sister. No, the one who is just like Emily is Queen V. She may think she doesn't have anything in common with the daughter-in-law to be, but they both know how to destroy a man and look good while doing it. And V's also mastered the side-eye.

I don't love the side-pony style curls, but I did love the purple dress you wore to dinner. It's fitted without being a bandage and the colour is fantastic. The opening in the back is a nice touch.

Unlike everyone else in the YKYLF staff room, I'm no Daniel fan. But I think it's because I don't want to get attached to any soon-to-be-possibly-murdered-in-cold-blood dudes. I also think he's a bit dense. He will seriously believe anything you feed him. His mom was raped, his fiancée is who she says she is, his roommate isn't crazy as a loon. Dude, fool you once, fool you every single time. But one thing you can do well is wear a suit. Especially a white suit.

It's too bad you were Totally That Guy back at Harvard. Oh you know what I'm taking about. Poor little rich boy in expensive sweaters, packing clover cigarettes and reading poetry in bars to girls and saying that No One Understands You.

Whatevs, buddy. Because for all that poetry reading pickup lines, you're now towing the corporate line for Daddy and enjoying the fitted suits.

I bet you don't miss the itchy lambswool or the plaid one bit. Although, I'm going to say, I'm disappointed you didn't go for teal at dinner. Because both Conrad and Gramps Greyson went for that look.

Speaking of Conrad, does he ever relax and wear something other than a suit jacket as casual wear? I mean, I know he's an Important CEO and all, but he could wear a nice sweater or something to breakfast.

I guess he learned it from his dad.

"Heyyyy Conrad! Just flew in from Knot's Landing to check in on yer shenanigans! You bet your bottom dollar from the company I built with my sweat and tears that I'm going to make some trouble for y'all."

I wonder why they didn't invite him to the White Party family photo? Maybe Gramps can't wear a white suit like Conrad can.

You may not do casual Connie, but you do summer fresh stripes like a boss. Dude knows he's a bit of a silver fox, doesn't he?