Pretty Little Liars: The Lady Killer

Part 3 of 3: She's a Maniac

Mona! Girl! So glad to see you out and about with access to a phone and fresh black hoodies. Her entrance was a little bit American Horror Story, and the rest of her appearance was a little Single White Female.

With so much crazy on the loose, Emily is really lucky to have found Nate. He seems fairly stable even though last week he got all up in Jenna’s grill. It’s probably just stress, though. I mean look at this pink shirt. No one who’s crazy would wear a pink shirt, right? 

And look how doting he is on Emily – it’s really sweet. I’ll admit this pose and gaze of his right now is a little too much on the Norman Bates side of things, but he’s just concerned right? I mean, did we chat about the pink shirt?

Oh. Oh wait. Nate’s closet actually has a kidnapped and gagged & bound Paige inside. Hmm. OK, so maybe Nate isn’t exactly a Stable Sally like we thought. Can we also just chat for a second about how dark this episode was from start to finish? I mean secret pregnancies and boy troubles aside, there have been ambulances and now a straight-up kidnapping to deal with. Personally, I’m exhausted.

(BTW, Paige totally borrowed this Current/Elliott shirt from the Jane By Design set.)

Yup, there’s the crazy. Nothing says, “Let’s be together” more than brandishing a knife against someone’s throat. Nate’s master plan is to kill Paige in front of Emily, thereby taking something she loves away, much like Emily “stole” Maya from Nate; or Lyndon, whatever. No big deal. *collar tug*

Hey at least, we can count on that handsome bad boy Caleb to be there to protect the girls! 

Oh balls.

We haven’t seen a truly upset group shot with phones for a while! Even Aria's cray BDG pants can not distract them. A has really stepped up their game and just when you thought you knew what was going on... 

SWEET TAP DANCING CHRIST. Toby is on the A-Team? Well, I damn near lost my mind. Hey fall premiere – I’m waiting for you.

Pretty Little Liars: Single Fright Female

Part 2 of 3: The Never-ending Trunk Show

CeCe, old new Queen Bee, returns to put on a trunk show (unclear as to why this is relevant and why this is happening at all... #pllproblems) and has Spencer and the girls volunteer. Unfortunately, for someone who screams White Girl from the Big City, she decides today to dress like a Sassy, Black Woman:

Oh, don't worry. It gets much worse.

Off the shoulder, open back, flowy sleeves. CeCe, why don't you just add an asymmetrical hem and call it a day?

CeCe DOES prove to be useful, however, even if not in the fashion arena. She reveals that Paige and Allison used to have it out for each other to the point where Paige earned the nickname, "Pigskin."

Our Paige??? Our sweet, sweet, Paige???

Yep, totally believe it. Bitch is Pigskin. And bitch MAD. She about to take her hoop earrings off and shit.

Spencer begins to remember details about Pigskin and things start to turn bright and glowy. Which means....

HEFTY HANNA!

And ARIA DRESSED LIKE A TRAINWRECK! (Seriously though, WTF)

Good to know I can always count on those two.

What I CAN'T count on is Nate's consistency. Didn't he used to dress preppy? Now, he's dressed as if Abercrombie and Fitch got into a fight with Urban Outfitters at Coachella.

He's even starting fights with newspapers:

I'm really concerned... about the newspaper's well-being. Also about the fact that Nate's gay-dar is set to OFF.

Fortunately, Emily sets him straight and blows him off after he boards a plane from Crazyville to Asshole City.

Emily also boards that same flight when Spencer tells her that Paige may be involved in the Alison's grave fiasco.

Here, we get to see a better glimpse of Spencer's heeled Jeffrey Campbell oxfords and Emily's loafers, which are both pretty incredible. I choose to ignore the white leggings though.

Hanna meets Jenna at her usual spot (top of the stairs at the Rosewood High entrance, of course) to tell her that the thumb drive has been discovered. Jenna, per usual, is eating a snack that requires extra clean up (see: pistachio crop circles in Season 3 Episode 2).

I mean, there are a lot of other snacks that don't have pits or shells, Jenna... JSYK.

Though, I AM loving the leopard belt she adds to her black dress. And of course, the black-and-white polka dot nails with pink outline:

NAILGASM.

Unfortunately, a bitch who can see is still a BITCH who can see.

Back at the trunk show (yeah, remember that is still happening?), Spencer goes into the dressing room to change and...

There is a MOTHERF**ING SNAKE in this MOTHERF**ING DRESSING ROOM!

And SHIT GETS REAL(-ER than last week).

While Hanna comes to Spencer's rescue in a cute raccoon print tank...

...Wesley Fitzgerald comes to Aria's rescue in a generic purple polo and khakis.

He tries to comfort Aria about Ezra, but clearly has some sneaky ulterior motives. Like getting into her abs adorbz floral dress.

Ugh. Aria. Don't. Don't fall for his WASP-y, generic Polo shirt tricks. You're better than that!

"But am I, really?"

No, you're not. GAWWWWDD, Aria. Why don't you take the crazy train to Delaware and find Wesley's ex-girlfriend and meet Wesley's illegitimate son too!?!?

UGH. CRY ME A G-D RIVER.

Pretty Little Liars: Stolen Kisses

Part 1 of 2: Truly Outrageous

STUFF WE LEARNED THIS WEEK: Maya has a disorganized password-protected video blog that may or may not offer some evidence; Ezra's mother totes hates Aria for ruining Ezra's life; Ezra is incredibly rich (so then why is he hiding $$$ in his sock drawer??); and Emily learns that she totally hooked up with Paige during her Lost Night. ALSO: Hanna testified to keep Mona in Rosewood, Spencer learns even she can't hack into every website in the world, and Nate is clearly up to no good. I mean, we don't know that for a fact, but dude is shady as hell, even for this show.

Fans of 80s cartoons may recognize my sub-title for this recap, Truly Outrageous!, as a shout-out to the classic TV series Jem and the Holograms. The PLLs know what I'm talking about because Aria and Hanna were full-on Erica Benton/Jem this week.

This body-con mini w/ peplum? I die. If this was baby blue, it would be basically identical to one of the outfits my Jerrica/Jem doll had in the 80s. Although, Jerrica didn't accessorize with a studded double belt... or a cray cray fringed Boho bag:

See, you'd think that a gigantic denim (?) fringed bag wouldn't be the best choice for a girl who's 4' tall and wearing a dress possibly borrowed from a 1980s cartoon character. 

Yet somehow... I kind of dig this. Aria's what, 16? 17? If you can't mix this bag with this dress when you're 16, when can you do that? WARNING: THIS LOOK IS NOT ADVISED FOR AMATEURS.

Hanna, meanwhile, is working the Glamorous Fashion And Fame side of Jerrica/Jem in.. well... this:

Let's break it down. Sleeveless fuschia denim (?) button-down. A very on-trend Silence & Noise bustier. Leftover necklace chains as earrings.

Belt buckle the size of her face. Black micro-mini.

I enjoy her use of a sock bun here. Somebody's been reading Pinterest tutorials! (Though personally, I'd prefer if she had pinned up the stray hairs in the back, as she's got a kind of bun/mullet going on).

Bear in mind: Hanna and Aria are dressed this way for a casual hang with their friends on Sunday afternoon. Not school (where the dress code is ALWAYS cocktail casual, apparently), not a date, not a job interview... just hanging out with their BFFs. You might think they'd wear sweats or jeans... but these two know they need to dress to impress.

Spencer didn't get the memo.

Is that tank made of... macrame fishnet? Like, not fishnet stockings, but an actual FISH NET? I wouldn't be surprised to see she's only wearing 3" heels, rather than the PLL standard 5". Step it up, Hastings.

Since Spencer's taking the Emily role of most boringly-dressed, Emily SHOCKINGLY knocks it out of the park this week. Seriously, I don't think I've taken this many screencaps of an Emily outfit in EVER. Yes, she's wearing a tank and cutoffs, but the hat makes it suddenly 10,000% more stylish.

Is this all it takes to turn an Emily outfit from blah to OMFG!? A hat? NOTE TO EMILY: WEAR MORE HATS.

SO EFFING CUTE I CAN'T EVEN. Who are you, and what have you done with Emily Fields??

Joining Emily in this adorbs American Eagle ad come to life is Nate, mixing things up with plaid cargo shorts and an embellished tank and hoodie:

Boyfriend's shady as HELL, but is showing more steeze than Toby Cavanaugh has in three seasons.

 

Speaking of, Toby's style may be meh, but he's pulling on his big boy pants as he challenges Spencer to let him know what's going on. Obviously she doesn't, and when he vowed to find out for himself, I began to worry he may be going the way of Maya (i.e. TOTALLY MURDERED BY A)

Also: does his shirt have a tumor?

In the menswear department, the secretly incredibly wealthy Ezra Fitzgerald brings a simple black tee:

And Dr. Wren brings a cute plaid tie and tan shirt combo:

And Caleb brings the GORGEOUSNESS:

Welcome back, handsome. We've missed you. 

Pretty Little Liars: Crazy

Part 1 of 2: The Crazy Kids

I couldn't even focus on the fashion this week because, well, PLL has officially headed into crazy, creepy territory. Wilden is after Hanna's blood in an attempt to prove her guilt, and A is even more bananapants crazy than Mona was. In fact, this week she was speaking in code, thus throwing the girls into yet another web of secrets. Spencer saves her drunky half-brother Jason from being arrested, but jeopardizes her relationship with Toby. Speaking of the DiLaurentis', Mr. DiLaurentis arrives in town, with hostile hatred towards Hanna. And Cece, a mix of Gossip Girl's Serena and Blair, and apparently Ali's idol, shows up. Oh, and Ella decides to ditch the florals and throw her proverbial hat into the ring for best dressed TV mother. She even one-ups Ashley by going on two dates - one of them being Ashley's love interest, Pastor Ted.

Aria and Emily might as well be sharing the same closet, their taste in tops are so similar. At least Em's isn't in a) a cutoff tee or b) a baseball tee this time. Not so sure what she's trying to accomplish with that scarf tied round her neck, though.

Absolutely in love with Spencer's frilly Allsaints blouse and sailor skirt. Preppy and nautical and so Spence.

Then we have Hanna, being as fabulous as she is, is the only one who can pull off this candy confection of an outfit. She totally rocks the lavender and coral combo in a way only she can.

More Rebecca Minkoff...

I do not, however, love the crazy white lace-up boots Spencer is sporting. Also, you a) don't attend a prep school b) aren't six, so high socks are not necessary for every. Single. Outfit.

Breaking down Aria's look, she's toned down from the usual with a Born to Run tank, black vest, and a bag she probably picked up from an old lady wearing yak fur in Iceland. Or, you know, Urban Outfitters. Hidden here, but she had on knockout earrings that are deemed too dangerous to be around Mona.

Lastly, Emily improves on her day look with this leather jacket, minus the weird scarf. Big snaps for the yellow mani. The PLLs must be doing one of two things on a given day - doing their nails or investigating A (what's homework?).

But who's Emily talking to? Why, that's CeCe, whom I'm sure will cause no trouble whatsoever. My first impression of CeCe: she must be a free spirit. As we learned from a previous Jane By Design, maxi dresses and bold accessories are a free spirit's must-haves.

But after watching her for ten seconds? She looks like the LA version of Serena van der Woodsen, but acts like Blair Waldorf (you know, super sweet but always has a scheme in her back pocket). And after the Jenna/Nate phone incident, it's clear why Ali idolized her.

Oh, and also? CeCe and Emma of Glee both have a fondness for these geometric Kate Spade necklaces. (See Glee: Whitney) This Cece girl is like four shows in one. Clearly, she reads YKYLF.

The lace blazer is cute, but in combo with the dress it's as though she's used to warmer temps and has no clue how to pair a blazer with a dress.

On to another newbie in town--everyone's suspicious of this Nate character, myself included. Maybe it's because we haven't yet seen what kind of role he's fully playing in the PLL's lives.

Or most likely it's because we've seen zero gratuitous male shirtlessness from him.

Speaking of male shirtlessness, the YKYLF staffers have come to the conlcusion that Toby shirtless > Toby in an adorable coral striped tee > Toby in boring clothes. Hence, the wardrobe department can stop buying clothes for him. 

 

Flashback moment: Hanna is adorable in her black maxi and printed belt, but Mona really knocks it out of the park in this blue dress and coral belt. I especially love how she kept her accessories simple (*cough*Aria*cough*).

But then you realize she's only wearing one earring, therefore she's more like Aria than we thought.

Can't you see the similarities?

Sidenote: I have no idea how Mona is dealing with the grandmotherly cardigans and plain Ts, because she used to have a pretty fab wardrobe. Maybe that's why she's taken to playing with dolls? 

On the more normal side, I love Spencer's adorable bike-printed tee... I do not love Emily's aversion to anything not resembling a baseball tee.

Hannakins even manages to make loungewear interesting with a printed tank beneath a sheer one. Aria just looks like a university student during exams. She's even making the same face I make when I see a psych exam.

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