Pretty Little Liars: Hot Water

Part 2 of 3: The Inappropriate Relationship Club

Guess who's back?!? 

Awwww yeah. Ezria is back in action. In spite of my objections, I know many of you dig it, so let's ignore his black polo (because it's boring) and focus on the following moment:

I'm sure he'll never find out that she kissed his brother.

And I'm sure his son, mother and high school girlfriend will never get in the way. No matter how hard they try. And they do try

It's the only reason why the betweeded Lady Who Lunches would schlep down to a coffee shop to chat with a teen who's wearing leggings and a Project Social t-shirt that had a run in with the shredder. 

Speaking of Aria's t-shirt. There was a moment early in the episode where I thought she was wearing a completely normal outfit. 

White t-shirt, possibly leggings, with a great scarf and a fab arm party. Totes normal. 

But no! Aria doesn't do normal. She does 80s hair band groupie.

Printed leggings and a ripped up shirt back? It looks like she might head home to listen to some Warrant after school. Which would be awesome because then her and Ezra might have something in common, since he probably remembers when Warrant was actually a thing and he can tell her what it was like to be alive in the 80s (even if he was kind of young back then).

Living with deep regrets from her regrettable relationship is Hanna's mom/owner of really amazing hair.

I wonder how she gets her hair to look so good? Those locks are just so silky and flowing. Not to mention that that colour is pretty great on her. Too bad her solo dinner was ruined by this guy:

You sleep with one crazy cop to clear your daughter of one shoplifiting charge and he never lets you forget it. And never leaves your kid alone. Solution?

Go all Thelma and Louise on his ass and mow him down with your car. Obvs.

Another woman with a sketchy relationship past (pour one on the ground for her two dead boyfriends) BUT is bouncing back with great hair, is Melissa.

I'm ambivalent on this beaded blouse. It seems WASPy and appropriate for Melissa as she heads back to school, but it's not terribly exciting. On the other hand, I love this bob style hair cut on her. Secrets and lies and inappropriate relationships are possibly the world's best hair product. It's the only thing that explains the great hair on our favourite ABC Family shows. I mean, she dated Ian and Garret, has some kind of past with Jason and his creepy high school club, and hung out with Ali, CeCe, and Wilden on a boat. Girlfriend is full of secrets. 

One woman who avoided inappropriate relationships (but was married to a man who couldn't help but get into them) is Ella. Dumping his ass has done great things for her wardrobe.

Do you remember how we used to make fun of her for being frumpy? Because I sure do. And now she's a hot mom who looks like she had a Stacey and Clinton What Not to Wear makeover. The boots are great and the blazer keeps it all together and looking tailored. The maroon blouse adds a nice pop of colour and I love the simple accessorizing. Well played, Mrs. Montgomery. You stick with that hot coffee shop owner from earlier in the season. This look is fantastic on you and completely age-appropriate. 

Oh but the winner of bad relationships this week is poor, poor Spencer. She's going through some serious Taylor Swift break-up stages. First it's all "Tear Drops on my Guitar" and no showers.

We'll let her have her break up sweats and focus on her interior decorating. There are three patterns happening here and it's somehow working for me. If I tried that in my bedroom, it'd be a hot mess of patterns. 

She does eventually shower and get back to school, but things are getting a little "Dear John" up in there. 

Even the chalkboard agrees that things aren't going well for our girl:

#despair is right. At least she's moved on from oversized sweaters and into some chambray.

I miss her ultra-tailored look and adorable animal prints, but this is a step up from daytime sweats. The Longchamp bag really helps make it seem like she's trying. 

Apparently the answer to your feelings over being dumped by your psycho true love (you know, in addition to a lot of Taylor Swift and ice cream) is to go running to this guy.

Wren, what's wrong? Does being a cute doctor with an effing accent just fluster all the adults and you can only connect with a teenager? I don't understand. Explain it to me. Because you must be able to hook up with someone who isn't ten years younger. Or not.

I bet kissing Wren had her start to get some Kelly Clarkson feelings, a little "Since U Been Gone". Followed by a good steam in the most insane shower to get rid of those pesky feelings.

Oh Spence. You should have known he was trouble from the start. 

But maybe trying to steam her like a lobster was the best thing for grieving process. Because I've got a feeling the next track on her Taylor Swift breakup playlist is going to be "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together"instead of "Back to December".

An angry Spencer is a scary Spencer. And a well dressed Spencer. Bring it, A. Spencer is ready for you and your creepy bouquets.

 

Pretty Little Liars: Misery Loves Company

Part 2 of 3: Team Cray

Aria's cold from last episode came to an ugly head this week but through the haze, she finally realized that Meredith isn't what she seems. Thanks for catching up, Aria. It's like you don't even watch this show. 

If you did, you would not be swayed by Meredith's perfect blonde hair and her super-convincing concerned face. Because if we learned anything this week it's that this bitch be cray y'all. CRAY! Don't get me wrong, I love this super sleek, black pencil skirt and that sheer white blouse borrowed from Lady Mary's wardrobe. And that gorge wide belt is totally the cherry on top. I might grant her a pardon for her psychosis, despite all evidence to the contrary.

Exhibit number eleventy: She's got the crazy eyes. Yes, Meredith is gorgeous and has really pretty earrings, but Aria? We need to have a serious talk about trust and naiveté.

While Meredith's busy trying to throw Ella off her track, Aria has a crazy dream/not dream/hallucination/whatever. Ali visits her in these mint green jeans with white cork wedges which would be perfect for a picnic. Maybe she should have visited Emily instead. Do we think Ali only ever dresses in summer clothes because that's when she "died"?

But honestly who the eff cares what she looks like when she literally says to Aria: "Do I look dead do you?" WHAT?! Is she serious? Enough with the riddles woman, we need answers!

Ali does look divine, though, in this delicate white lace tank. I guess she was Aria's angel since she warned her about Meredith's poisonous tea and told her the truth or whatever about Aria's dad. Saint Ali!

I'm also really digging the thin sparkly belt. Sparkles, sparkles, sparkles. And her tank looks even more angelic from the back. I wish we could see the whole outfit because I know I absolutely love the whole ensemble.

But you GUYSS! Ali picked Aria for what?! What was she talking about? Then she leaves the doll by the door and when Aria wakes up, the doll is still there! Did Aria sleep walk and put it there? Was Alison actually in the room? Seriously, weirdest. Scene. Ever. Also, FYI I'm really over this whole doll thing. Like enough already. We get it, they amp up the creep factor. But I'm done.

Once Aria realizes she's been made prisoner, she breaks a mirror. What up, 7 years bad luck. I don't think you can afford any more bad juju, girl.

And now this bitch be cray!

Meanwhile at the drugstore, Meredith dons a nicely fitted, yet very unnecessary, burgundy suit jacket. She likes adding jackets to things, doesn't she? Bonus: you can tell she's losing her nerve because her curls are falling.

So, Hanna and Emily arrive at Aria's house. Because they've never seen a horror movie, when crazy Meredith leads them to the basement and tells them to go right on down, they're suddenly on the Price Is Right. Sadly, there was no Plinko in the basement.

But eventually, Byron materializes. Rescuing aside, could he be any creepier?

Oh, look he could. We switch to Flashback Filter and confirm it's not approps for a grown man to have secret rendezvous with pretty girls in the middle of the night, especially when they're running around in skimpy things like this lemon yellow flapper style tank.

Nooooo Aria!! After Byron's flashback, he convinces Aria of his innocence, and she burns the diary pages like she's on a daytime soap (that comes on after Price is Right?) Aria, that's exactly what he wanted you to do! Gah, it's amazing how good hair and a cute oversized raglan can cloud a girl's judgement.

Is it too much to hope tht Aria's got something up her sleeve? Another copy of the pages, perhaps? Hiden in one of her dolls? I just hope Byron believes that she belives him so he can stop being so very, very creepy. 

Pretty Little Liars: Birds of a Feather

Part 1 of 2: The Real Housewives of Rosewood

Melissa was the Black Swan! We also learn she was faking that pregnancy for way longer than anyone expected AND she has a magical closet that almost rivals that of Sutton Mercer! Jason is back in town with a $50k reward and a collection of tight t-shirts. Dollars to donuts the ladies will be calling him with "tips" on what happened to Alison just to get a chance to see his abs talk to him. Detective Darren is back and visiting Mona. Naturally, he's already suspicious of the Liars. And breaking all the hearts is Caleb and Hanna's split, as she tries to protect him from A. On the upside, maybe we can get some serious gratuitous male shirtlessness when they have makeup sexytimes?

Ladies, we need to talk. Because I'm having feelings about what is going on here and they are not good feelings.

Aria, sweetie, I know we snark on your crazy feathered boho ways, but that dress? It makes you look like you're a lip injection short of joining the latest Real Housewives cast. And Hanna is not much better in the jacket and formal shorts. I mean, it's a super cute jacket, but next to that dress, she also looks like she's aiming to be a lady who lunches.

Then again, it could just be Aria's dress that's doing it. It's infectiously awful. I think it's the overtness of the molded cups, combined with the saccharine cap sleeves, combined with the leopard/cow print. That's enough to create a contamination zone of bad fashion waves.

Because on her own, Hanna is looking her usual cute self. Although, why is she being so distant to the prettiest of men in Rosewood? 

Seriously kitten. He bought you Bon Iver tickets and he just wants to love you.

Don't make this happen.

Two things could make Caleb's outfits better: a happier face and less grey. Not on board with all this grey. There has to be a different coloured t-shirt he could wear. May he could borrow one from Jason.

While the jacket on Hanna was charming, a few of her other outfits were far less so.

What is this wrapped shirt all about? So matronly and so un-Hanna. Although Emily's t-shirt was quite Emily (read: *yawn*). Seriously, if I were Shay Mitchell I'd want my contract re-written. She deserves combat pay for that snoozer of a wardrobe.

Back to Hanna. This blouse? What the what? Are those cupcake wrappers?

Ruffle overload, you guys.

At least Aria gave up on the Real Housewife look and went back to her Aria ways...although I'm similarly confused by this ensemble, which seems to serve as nothing more than an accessory backdrop. She's a walking Claire's display.

I need a better look at both of those outfits. Maybe that'll help.

No, no it doesn't. Both of them are a little cray. Especially when you see the shoes Hanna went with.

The bold bracelet is a yes. I'll even say that Ruffle Explosion is a good match for the yellow skirt, but black booties with this fresh summertime look? That's a no.

But Ashley is totally winning for Stylish Mom of the Year. The lady knows how to pick a good dress (scroll back up for more evidence of that). The other moms need to go shopping with her more. Ashley's got great hair and a great wardrobe. Two things Veronica and Ella do not have.

Lady, I love a good bob and a blunt bang, but this is not doing you any favours.

And Ella?

It's the fab and the frump. Ashley is killing it with crazy amazing hair and a flattering navy dress, while the only thing Ella is working is that glass of chardonnay. Maybe that's why Aria set the bar so low when she started looking for Ella's match made in eHarmony.

For reals? With all the cute boys that town has, are we to believe that the only single men online in Rosewood are bald, middle aged, and not at all good looking? If that's true, then I weep for the moms of Rosewood. 

Possibly crazy enough to be a Real Housewife is Melissa. Bitch is torturing her sister, claiming to be the victim of blackmail, dressing like the Black Swan at a high school party and faking a pregnancy for about six months (how the hell did she do that so convincingly? Did she get a new prosthetic belly each month? I have so many questions!). At least she always does it in style.

Note to Emily, if you're going to do a tank top, do it sparingly and do it like that. 

And for a movie date with her dear sister Spencer?

Super stylish tennis anyone? The bag and belt are pretty much the best. I was wondering how she does it so well, but it turns out she has a magic, colour-coded closet that can easily fit three girls.

For reals though. That closet is the shit.

My reaction to her shoe display was not unlike Hanna's:

Complete and utter disbelief that someone would have such a pretty, backlit shoe shelf. Golf claps, Melissa. You may be crazy bananapants, but you are well-organized and well-dressed. That gets you far here at YKYLF.

Kingdom of the Blind - Part 2 of 2 - The Allies and Frenemies

Ezra looked so dapper this week! He dressed up just to save Ella's job, but I'm advising he wear things like these more often now that he's out of work. You know, dress for the job you want, and all that. When he hangs out with Aria, he wears adorable button-ups, but they're nothing compared to this suit and tie!

More Ludlow...

I don't know why I believed Jenna was blind... she knows how to put a look together. This dress was gorgeous and a perfect match with the belt.

More Marc by Marc Jacobs...

She looks like an Urban Outifitters campaign, and I mean that in the best way possible.

I may hate Melissa, and she may look insanely suspicious while burning something, but this girl can pull off a Lacoste polo better than anyone on the LPGA. Her outfits are always simple and chic, and it doesn't hurt that her makeup is flawless.

So, as we make these recaps, we typically take way more screenshots than we need. EVERY SINGLE ONE that I captured of Mona were terrifying. Her smile... her outfit... whether this girl is faking or not is not even relevant... she's certifiably off her rocker.

Seriously, somebody please give Janel Parrish an Emmy for "Best Psycho".

Hey Jenna, we were just talking about crazy people!

Once again Jenna hit it out of the park (AGAIN: how could you think she was blind??). Her leather handbag made me drool, and this casual yet stylish shirt is a perfect choice for school. Nice work!

I guess we know where the Hastings girls get their good looks. Mama knows how to look poised and professional at all times, and this new 'do is doing wonders for her. 

Also, she gives incredible bitchface. Again, we see where Melissa and Spence get it from.

From bitchface to pretty face. I honestly keep forgetting what Jenna looks like... she's beautiful!

It's like if Darth Vader took off his mask, except instead of Anakin Skywalker's burnt mug, we see Jenna's perfectly symmetrical visage. Oh, and bonus points for her always amazingly coiffed hair and cute tank top. See, she's not all bad, is she?

unmAsked - Part 1 of 3 - Hey, You Going To The Ball?

Friends, I’ve been spending a lot of time in the Hamptons and sort of forgot about the crazy revenge (!!!) that goes down in Rosewood. After many (MANY) teasers, tricks, twists and turns, we’ve finally discovered who’s behind A’s reign of terror. How many of y’all picked Mona? Anyone? I mean, I knew she was crazy after seeing her earring collection over the past two season, but a murderer? I don’t care if it’s on sale, I’m not buying. But hey, some of y’all may have found it satisfying and besides, a masquerade for the Rosewood Junior Society? Hello, pretty dresses! If only the girls actually had a happy ending - apparently there’s still an “A-Team” (can they use that?) out there who may have killed Maya? And who was the Black Swan (can they use that)? If all that wasn’t enough to chew on, now Jenna can see and, well... just make sure your fan is off before anything hits it.

As usual, the girls meet up in Spencer’s kitchen for an A debrief. I can never tell if it’s before school or not but either way, they look ferocious. And then there’s Melissa. Poor, bitter, unbalanced Melissa who apparently goes wild for toffee frozen yogurt. She was bland even before Ian died, so how does a girl like Spencer have a sister who dresses like Melissa? I mean, there’s nothing wrong with her robe cardigan and that burgundy colour is great on her - but compared to Spencer she looks like a bored housewife. And if you’re so smart, how come you can’t tell the difference between peanut butter and toffee?

Mad, mad, mad love is going on for this dress in my apartment right now. Aria usually kills it, but this is exceptional. The belt, the costume earrings and of course, this psychedelic, not quite paisley but a whole lot of something (plus it’s shiny!) mini dress is worth a whole month of “yeah, girl!” compliments. I don’t have one snarky thing to say - which is great because the rest of Aria’s looks aren’t so flaw free.

For example, the t-shirt with the tassels? I’m sorry darlin’, but Woodstock happened 43 years ago, why don’t you snip those bad boys off? I appreciate what she’s going for, I love a good rocker throwback, but Aria’s missing the mark and trying to lasso herself back with that tattered t-shirt ain’t gonna work. Can we talk about the boots? Whose bed have those been under? A cast member from Rocky Horror? Don’t get me wrong, I love some Rocky Horror action but they’re swallowing Aria.

At this point, I’ve given up with trying to figure out Emily. She seems to have abandoned the Flashdance inspired t-shirts (whose demise I feel YKYLF had a part in) and now balances her days with oversized snuggies and drop-dead leather jackets. Aria’s turquoise jacket was alright, but Emily’s wine coloured number is just beautiful. If people didn’t know she was a total pushover, I bet she’d be a total butch girl.

Surprisingly, Hanna was kind of boring this week. Usually you can count on her for some sass and spitfiring - especially with her wardrobe - but all we get is a glance of this beaded top

And this Working Girl inspired outifit. Paired with her black trench and an enormous collar that I’m pretty sure protects Rosewood from floods, I was left pretty uninspired. What happened to the catty bitch of the group? Has A finally worn you down?

It doesn’t matter (too much) if Hanna dropped the ball this week because there were moments like these to make up for it. Spencer Hastings, the borderline genius with a flair for Ivy League fashion. Anyone else dying over the knee high boots and creamy coat she’s rocking? Oh, and what’s that beneath it all? Is that a simple crew neck sweatshirt. YES IT IS. Man, I love this girl.

After their huddle at Fitz’s old apartment, the PLLers discover a super sketched out motel where Alison may have stayed before she died and where A may have followed her. And since caution has been thrown so far into the wind not even Aria’s tassels could hope to rope it back, the girls stay the night at the murdermotel. Not wasting anytime, Team Sparia breaks into the clerk’s office to steal the register.

While the cold and wet Team Hamily just chills before Hanna takes a shower. A shower? After falling in the mud? Girl, your clothes are still a mess and you’re going to be hanging ‘round in a towel. Just sayin’.

But if the girls are in the woods searching some flea infested dump, what’s A up to in Rosewood? Well, apparently meeting with the miraculously sighted Jenna who’s traded her oversized dark glasses for slightly smaller dark glasses. We get it. You’re dark. How about cracking a smile?

Oh, and Mona (who’s really A!!!), tried to get the PLLers to go shopping. Obviously they ditch her because she’s totes annoying and over the top. I mean, look at that ring! Somewhere there is a crane missing its wrecking ball. You could easily rob a bank with that piece of jewelry. Does anyone need anymore evidence of this bitch being crazy?