Pretty Little Liars: A dAngerous gAme

Part 1 of 3: Stylish Spy Work at School

After watching this episode, I’d like to demand that I. Marlene King direct every episode. Even if my anxiety goes through the roof. Girl, there was more alliance wavering this week than an episode of Big Brother! Spencer pulled off her best A impression to determine if Toby was really for reals dead. Turns out he’s really for reals alive! Aria and Ezra have a fairly subdued break-up (honestly expected more dramz) only to end up in class together — again. Emily and Hanna pulled off some detective work with Emily finding Melissa and Shana scheming with Jenna, while Hanna plays the most awkward babysitter game ever, "Find Your Kidnapper". The Liars confront Spencer about her new A-Team affiliation, she lets them in on Toby’s living status, they all scheme to double-cross Mona at the mountain lodge meant for Spencer’s return to society soiree. Yet somehow, Red Coat is still one step ahead and it seems everyone, including Mona, is in their crosshairs. Friends, this is how you do a cliffhanger.

I’ve always said these breakfast meetings are missing one thing — SHADE. Week after week, they all meet at Spencer’s before heading to school and not once do they shade each other’s outfits! It’s all “A this” and “homicide that”. I don’t know about y’all, but I’d love to see some cattiness between the girls.

They’re serving pretty standard fare, too. Emily in a graphic tee, Aria and Hanna in stylish tops. But we need to talk about those statements. I’m a big fan of the simple, industrial clothespin style Hanna has (courtesy of Anthropologie), but I’m shocked Aria can sit upright with that anchoring embellishment. I tried to think of a word more grand than embellishment and came up with, “DAMN GIRL”.

Girlfriend is out of Radley and her locks are back on the bounce patrol! Of course Spencer makes a dramatic staircase entrance in her own home. PLL is known for a lot of classic/horror movie references and this was so “Sunset Boulevard” I almost choked. You know I don’t love an elaborate belt, but this look is ridiculously chic and I want it. I chuckled a little seeing Spencer in a Rorschach Test inspired dress but then again, I’m hyper analytical and nerdy.

After Spencer mentions the “Welcome Back to Society/Our Daughter Is Not Socially Disturbed” gala being thrown by her parents, the Liars head off to school only to run into this B:

Don’t get me wrong, I love a strong, flirtatious female, but Shana's just obnoxious. Naturally, she pitches a little woo to Spencer because that’s how Shana do and if you ain’t feeling that, then step down. Mhmm, I believe that “Red Devils” patch you got there. 

Hanna’s not feeling Shana either, but only because she’s never on the flirtation radar. Girl, there’s a Sex & The City episode starring Charlotte you need to educate yourself on, OK? As for the look, I love a pink jewel tone top, but the stitching on the jacket needs to go. If you want tassels like Britney on her “Circus” tour, then just go full showgirl, honey. Otherwise, you’re reppin’ a late 90s look that should have never left the sketchpad. Cute H&M necklace though!

Ah yes, the object of Shana’s affections, Spencer Hastings. Be honest, any one of you would hit on her in that outfit, right? I don’t know many high-school girls who can flawlessly combine English “Country Life” style with haute equestrian. And the western tie peeping through? Where were you when The Killers were popular?!?

Emily (or Shay Mi according to those pesky titles), looks about as fired up as I was to see Shana. I find Emily’s style gradually evolving from the Flashdance-inspired wardrobe we’ve gotten used to. It ain’t no secret Shay Mitchell is GORGEOUS with a capital “I’m in love with you”, so it’s high time they dressed her up! I could do with less earth tones, but that scarf/jacket combo is classic and hard to argue with.

This week, Jenna sauntered back into our lives... sort of. I mean, she’s there and everything, but her model walk looked a little janky. I can’t blame her when you look at those torture chambers they’re calling heels, though. Seriously, they’re like one inch away from a ballerina en pointe and I have mad respect for anyone attempts them.

Also, I’m dying over this flowing Sparkle & Fade dress and the simple chain. Jenna’s always slightly more adult than the Liars.

But why was she in the woods? Oh no bigs, just meeting her apparent secret lovebug Shana. WTFbombs galore, y’all. Since when did they slip into cahoots with each and start exchanging “you complete me” gazes? One thing is clear: they both have remarkably different tastes in blazers. Jenna’s simple black with leather lapels and leopard lining is pummeling Shana’s Golden Girls style. Honey, who told you it was acceptable to wear a silver lame blazer in broad daylight? How many schoolchildren did you blind on your way to this rendezvous?

You may be wondering where Aria got to, but don’t worry, I didn’t forget her! How could I with those BDG leggings? Friends, I am more than down for a crazy print, but the number one rule is do not plaster it all over your legs. Do you want to look like a piñata that escape a barbecue? I lived for her acid wash denim jacket with hilarious tiger patch, and I would totally buy that cute Wildfox Couture diamond tank, but from the waist down Aria looks a fine mess.

And then there’s Ezra who continues to pair printed ties with plaid shirts as if he didn’t get the dozens of letters I mailed asking him to stop. He’s lucky he’s devastatingly hot. Our boy has run into some work troubles and needs to get back into teaching, which will totally put an end to their romance. But Aria (shockingly) sticks to her guns and breaks up with Fitz. Again. Or reminds him of it? These two are so Shakespearean.

Anyone else think it’s cutes patoots that Malcolm and Hanna have similar hairstyles? ‘Cause I do! This is just a repeat of her school outfit, but you have to appreciate Hanna’s moxie for using a 7-year old as a lead in their A games.

Emily pulls out some classic threads for her late night run, but something’s caught her eye. It’s night in Rosewood, so obviously it’s going to be suspicious and game changing.

Oh, it’s just Melissa Hastings look fine as hell in that beautiful coat!

That cropped cut was the best thing that ever happened to her... though I doubt it dulls the pain of having a fiance murdered. Whatevs, she’s up to something because that house? Yeah, it’s Jenna’s.

Pretty Little Liars: I'm Your Puppet

Part 3 of 3: Pretty in Black

Aria finds a carnival flyer in Malcolm's karate cubby and runs to find him. Instead, she runs into the New Wren:

Is anyone else wondering what she's doing at the carnival by herself? Doesn't she have some church restoring to do???

Hanna's tries to keep her mouth shut about Caleb's dad but doesn't do a great job. At least she's rocking this cute outfit:

A) Leather on leather. B) BROWN leather on BLACK leather. C) White headphones. DYING.

We get to see the whole outfit here (unfortch without the brown jacket) and it's absolutely perfect:

Love the leather peplum top and the chain-print pants. Though, I've gotta say, I can't really see anyone else being able to rock those pants.

More Urban Outfitters...

Disappointed that nothing's been done about her hair still.

Caleb confronts his dad about the church bell in true Troian fashion:

One hyphened word: Gut-wrenching. Five words: Get this guy an Emmy.

Aria finally finds Malcolm, who claims he was picked up by someone named "Allison." Yikes. Aria's shaken up and finally does the first right thing she's ever done in her entire life: break up with Ezra.

We get a better look at her dress and I'm not sure I'm in love. It's really cute but kind of waitress-y/pilgrim-y. No offense to waitresses and pilgrims.

Ezra, again, ignores Aria in this "borrowed-from-Wren's-closet" patterned tie and plaid oxford.

Do solid color ties not exist in Rosewood? Seriously, patterned ties are an epidemic here.

Emily comes to the police department to meet Aria but instead runs into her mom who is carrying a "Missing Persons" box. Ugh. Really? Can't even. It's just too much.

I do LOVE this leather jacket on Em. It's pretty badass for someone who most certainly is not.

Back to "Spencer: Mona 2.0," Spencer follows Mona's map in this very unnecessary and very creepy white gown:

Oh don't worry. It gets much worse:

Spencer sees Ali in the Mona baby room and they begin dancing to "I'm Your Puppet" (hey that's the name of the episode!).

Spencer finds out some serious information: 1) that Ali was hurt by a GIRL during that flashback with her mom and 2) CeCe Drake came to visit Mona, with the help of Melissa and Wren.

See! I knew Spencer would come through with answers. Once a Hastings, ALWAYS a Hastings.

Wait what.

Nothing makes sense anymore...

So, now that Spencer is part of the "A" team, we're all hoping that she's just faking it. Right? She has to be? Right? Also is Toby really dead? Are Ezra and Aria really over? But most importantly, has Spencer really, really, really become A's bitch???

Man, this show is the BEST.

Pretty Little Liars: Will The Circle Be Unbroken?

Part 2 of 2: Ballad of a Teenage Queen

With the brains of the operation missing and presumed batshit crazy, the other PLLs take some time to tend their own gardens. Let’s not forget that aside from a murderous stalker who’s out to ruin their lives, the girls have to deal with covering up murders, dating former teachers, and whatever they decide to throw at Emily.

These are some pretty classic schoolday looks for our girls. Naturally, Emily is the most real with these cranberry pants. I’m a little surprised with Hannah since it looks like she took two plausible looks and decided they needed to be layered in a fashion only stereotypical gypsies from horror movies would appreciate. The coral maxi with the coral bag is a lovely pairing, though.

Now, y’all know my distaste for studded anything. Let me clarify that it’s not a universal distaste, I enjoy the idea when it’s pulled off right. Aria’s opinion is a little different than mine in that she wants to stud every piece of fabric that’s in her sightline. Cuffs and shoulder stud patches? We get it – you’re fashion forward and edgy.

The girls split up to locate Spencer, and I was stunned to see that Emily made a costume change. Usually she wears an outfit until it seems like part of her skin, but not this week! A military inspired vest and denim mini are totes perfect for reconnaissance — utilitarian and yet cute enough to keep your flirt on. Nice work, Fields.

I was less enthused about her awful metallic pants when she met Olympian Missy Franklin, but you can’t win ‘em all with Emily. For yet another US Olympian cameo on a teen show (flashback to Lochte on 90210), I’m happy they didn’t arrange for Emily to meet Missy at a pool where she could pop out of the water in a patriotic swimsuit. Don’t forget they’re people as well as elite athletes that (unintentionally) intimidating in real life!

Since only Emily is shown searching for Spencer, I have to assume that Hannah went home, ate a carrot stick and was all, “...she’s not in the fridge”. Freeing up some time, Hannah plays matchmaker with Ashley and Ted, forcing a coffee date Ashley does not want to have. At least, not with Wilden’s ghost hanging over her head. Or is it? 

Yeah, Wilden is back. Again. And the most stylish mother/daughter team in Rosewood finds out just when Ted is laying down the flirt with Ashley. I am so down with Hannah’s blue coat I’m scraping my nose on the sidewalk. And I think Ashley should adopt the Posh Spice rule of thumb when it comes to dressing: always go for the little Gucci dress.

Aria’s problems always seem a little more melodramatic compared to the rest of the group. So your older boyfriend who just found out he’s a father needs a job? Right. Totally more pressing than a cop your mom may have rundown with her car comes back from the dead. This skull print is so Aria and it’s nice to see a bright-ish colour on her. Other than that, I have no real love for this look. Despite being a print, it feels a little plain to me.

Ezra Fitz, you are as handsome as ever. I’d say never change but I wouldn’t mind seeing you in something completely uncharacteristic. Like, a tank top and denim cutoffs. Or topless. It’s your choice, dude.

Oh look, two parents scheming to potentially break up their daughter’s relationship. How fresh in a teen-focused drama! No news here as Byron looks like an English professor, and Ella looks like a sassy mom. I like the tone of her blue top, but I’m taking points away because I know she’s wearing those damn boots again. GIRL. You’ve had them since the first season – branch out and get whatever semblance of a groove you had back!

Now, I’m about to show the two best looks from this episode which we only see for just over a minute. First up, Hannah in this amazing floral number, complete with Bea Arthur necklace. The colour of the pattern is absolutely beautiful and even though it’s a flowing fabric, it seems to suit Hannah’s figure. This is so current and lovely, I’m practically seething it’s not in my own closet. 

And after a misstep with her skull blouse, Aria reminds the world that she knows her way around a closet. I’m loving her hair in this scene — less bounce, more sleek. But really, we should be focusing on her bow-tie clip, sparkling belt, and sickening top. Aside from costume gowns, this might be the most expensive looking outfit we’ve seen on Aria, and she carries it off perfectly. Not only is it stylish and current like Hannah’s, but it’s an outfit that I can legitimately see a teenage girl, or a mid-20s woman like Lucy Hale wearing. I hope the wardrobe folks at ABC Family are as distraught as I am over these two looks getting the brush off.

More Topshop...

Compare the last two looks with what Hannah and Aria are wearing here: you get my point, right? It’s almost like they’re trying too hard to be trendy with the studs and the prints and the industrial jewelry and the bizarre heels and... are those Doc Martens? Separately, all of these pieces would be unstoppable, but throwing them together in a bathroom mélange takes away from their style.

Do you think anyone uses that bathroom other than the PLLs and Mona? I bet the rest of the school is all, “Oh, you can’t go in there. That’s where those girls who dress everyday like they’re going to be spotted by The Sartorialist go. We hear it’s full of secrets and lookbooks disguised as paper towel dispensers.”

Remember Aria’s studded shoulder patches on her coat? Hannah was clearly taken with the idea because now her cardigan can also double as a medieval weapon of choice.

I saved this photo of Aria for last because I am in love with that necklace. Her Diane von Furstenberg dress is pretty interesting since it may actually be a collection black doilies sewn together, but it’s all about those costume jewels for me. I can’t believe she was hiding this under that leopard coat I’ve only ever seen on drag queens. Aria, just when I count you out you pull me back in.

I refuse to believe this season is almost over considering (as I said) there are so. many. QUESTIONS. Let’s be real, we all know a serious cliffhanger is coming, I’m just getting really impatient. My predictions for next week? Less animal print and more leather. I just have a feeling. 

Pretty Little Liars: Out of Sight, Out of Mind

Part 1 of 3: Aria's Great Idea 

YOU GUYS! There are still three episodes left this season and I'm not sure what's left to happen. This week, Ashley and Hanna decide to cover up Ashley's possible murder of Wilden. Because keeping things a secret on this show always works out really well. Spencer admits that Toby was on the A Team but Emily finds it hard to believe. So, despite that Spencer — the smartest person currently on television — hasn't been able to track him down, Emily does her best to find him. But it's Spencer who finds him... TOTALLY DEAD!* (*Probably not actually his body). Oh and also, Aria goes babysitting! Because while her BFFs are all dealing with dead/missing people, the biggest drama in her life is... babysitting.

We pick things up where we left off last week, with Spencer convening the Liars to reveal Toby's true motivations. Aria, totally over that whole "Spencer almost dying in the steam room" thing, is chillaxing in her slouchy/slashed white tee from last week.

And Em is obvz still sporting last week's plaid shirt/denim vest/leather sleeves outfit. Don't worry, they both change shortly. 

See? Aria changed, although she's still working her multi-layered multi-patterned look from last week, this time with a kicky tribal print:

Love this. The hi-lo cargidan reminds me of Serena vdW in the best possible way. But unlike Serena, she's wearing actual pants! Luuurve this shade of green. Aria always looks great in bright colours like this.

More Gemma Redux...

 

When she takes off the coat, we get a better look at a meh sleeveless button-down and a kinda freaky necklace:

Like, on any other person in any other circumstance, I'd be all, "That's an OK necklace." But on a girl whose friend was once the recipient of a NECKLACE MADE OF THEIR DEAD FRIEND'S TEETH... I question this zombie tooth necklace. 

But I'll cut Aria a break, as she had a pretty rough week. I mean, it was no "covering up for my mother's hit-and-run" or a "coping with a close friend's betrayal" or a "complete psychotic break" but like, you guys. She had to BABYSIT.

Oh, also, she was wearing these fringey boots I couldn't get a very clear shot of.

As per usz, Aria takes an already busy outfit and hurls it over-the-top with one fringe too many. Luckily, they kept the boots off of the screen for most of the show... but bear in mind this is her footwear for the scene later on, when she helps Hanna push the car into the lake. Practical!

Ezra's a bit nervous leaving his son in the care of his teenage girlfriend...

... I mean, what if Malcolm gets recast again before Ezra gets back?

But Aria's just like, "I can totes watch your son who is only a few years younger than me! This is NOT AWKWARD AT ALL!"

And Maggie's like, "I like this girls' style. She's like a younger version of me, which is absolutely not creepy, since Ezra knocked me up as a teen, and she is also a teen!"

Also, wasn't she effectively blackmailing Aria like two weeks ago? Whatevs. Bygones, etc.

For a grown-up teen Mom on the hunt for a new condo and a job, she looks relaxed and almost Emily Thorne-ish in this blousy top and leather jacket. I am, however, fairly confident that mothers of little boys don't tend to wear long, easy-to-break necklaces like that.

Aria's apparently first-ever time hanging out with a kid starts out OK when she's tag-teaming it with Ezra:

Look at that kid in his train conductor's hat. Did he borrow that from Aria earlier this season? Her influence is already rubbing off on him. #StepMom!

But then she makes the mortal sin of not watching the kid for 30 seconds, and this happens:

No more monkeys jumping on the — oh noes!

Malcolm shoots Aria some serious side-eye after the "accident".

I don't know. This isn't so far removed from the death-glare Mona gave to Emily later on. You guys... is Malcolm like a junior member of the A Team?

Pretty Little Liars: Hot Water

Part 2 of 3: The Inappropriate Relationship Club

Guess who's back?!? 

Awwww yeah. Ezria is back in action. In spite of my objections, I know many of you dig it, so let's ignore his black polo (because it's boring) and focus on the following moment:

I'm sure he'll never find out that she kissed his brother.

And I'm sure his son, mother and high school girlfriend will never get in the way. No matter how hard they try. And they do try

It's the only reason why the betweeded Lady Who Lunches would schlep down to a coffee shop to chat with a teen who's wearing leggings and a Project Social t-shirt that had a run in with the shredder. 

Speaking of Aria's t-shirt. There was a moment early in the episode where I thought she was wearing a completely normal outfit. 

White t-shirt, possibly leggings, with a great scarf and a fab arm party. Totes normal. 

But no! Aria doesn't do normal. She does 80s hair band groupie.

Printed leggings and a ripped up shirt back? It looks like she might head home to listen to some Warrant after school. Which would be awesome because then her and Ezra might have something in common, since he probably remembers when Warrant was actually a thing and he can tell her what it was like to be alive in the 80s (even if he was kind of young back then).

Living with deep regrets from her regrettable relationship is Hanna's mom/owner of really amazing hair.

I wonder how she gets her hair to look so good? Those locks are just so silky and flowing. Not to mention that that colour is pretty great on her. Too bad her solo dinner was ruined by this guy:

You sleep with one crazy cop to clear your daughter of one shoplifiting charge and he never lets you forget it. And never leaves your kid alone. Solution?

Go all Thelma and Louise on his ass and mow him down with your car. Obvs.

Another woman with a sketchy relationship past (pour one on the ground for her two dead boyfriends) BUT is bouncing back with great hair, is Melissa.

I'm ambivalent on this beaded blouse. It seems WASPy and appropriate for Melissa as she heads back to school, but it's not terribly exciting. On the other hand, I love this bob style hair cut on her. Secrets and lies and inappropriate relationships are possibly the world's best hair product. It's the only thing that explains the great hair on our favourite ABC Family shows. I mean, she dated Ian and Garret, has some kind of past with Jason and his creepy high school club, and hung out with Ali, CeCe, and Wilden on a boat. Girlfriend is full of secrets. 

One woman who avoided inappropriate relationships (but was married to a man who couldn't help but get into them) is Ella. Dumping his ass has done great things for her wardrobe.

Do you remember how we used to make fun of her for being frumpy? Because I sure do. And now she's a hot mom who looks like she had a Stacey and Clinton What Not to Wear makeover. The boots are great and the blazer keeps it all together and looking tailored. The maroon blouse adds a nice pop of colour and I love the simple accessorizing. Well played, Mrs. Montgomery. You stick with that hot coffee shop owner from earlier in the season. This look is fantastic on you and completely age-appropriate. 

Oh but the winner of bad relationships this week is poor, poor Spencer. She's going through some serious Taylor Swift break-up stages. First it's all "Tear Drops on my Guitar" and no showers.

We'll let her have her break up sweats and focus on her interior decorating. There are three patterns happening here and it's somehow working for me. If I tried that in my bedroom, it'd be a hot mess of patterns. 

She does eventually shower and get back to school, but things are getting a little "Dear John" up in there. 

Even the chalkboard agrees that things aren't going well for our girl:

#despair is right. At least she's moved on from oversized sweaters and into some chambray.

I miss her ultra-tailored look and adorable animal prints, but this is a step up from daytime sweats. The Longchamp bag really helps make it seem like she's trying. 

Apparently the answer to your feelings over being dumped by your psycho true love (you know, in addition to a lot of Taylor Swift and ice cream) is to go running to this guy.

Wren, what's wrong? Does being a cute doctor with an effing accent just fluster all the adults and you can only connect with a teenager? I don't understand. Explain it to me. Because you must be able to hook up with someone who isn't ten years younger. Or not.

I bet kissing Wren had her start to get some Kelly Clarkson feelings, a little "Since U Been Gone". Followed by a good steam in the most insane shower to get rid of those pesky feelings.

Oh Spence. You should have known he was trouble from the start. 

But maybe trying to steam her like a lobster was the best thing for grieving process. Because I've got a feeling the next track on her Taylor Swift breakup playlist is going to be "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together"instead of "Back to December".

An angry Spencer is a scary Spencer. And a well dressed Spencer. Bring it, A. Spencer is ready for you and your creepy bouquets.