Pretty Little Liars: Will The Circle Be Unbroken?

Part 2 of 2: Ballad of a Teenage Queen

With the brains of the operation missing and presumed batshit crazy, the other PLLs take some time to tend their own gardens. Let’s not forget that aside from a murderous stalker who’s out to ruin their lives, the girls have to deal with covering up murders, dating former teachers, and whatever they decide to throw at Emily.

These are some pretty classic schoolday looks for our girls. Naturally, Emily is the most real with these cranberry pants. I’m a little surprised with Hannah since it looks like she took two plausible looks and decided they needed to be layered in a fashion only stereotypical gypsies from horror movies would appreciate. The coral maxi with the coral bag is a lovely pairing, though.

Now, y’all know my distaste for studded anything. Let me clarify that it’s not a universal distaste, I enjoy the idea when it’s pulled off right. Aria’s opinion is a little different than mine in that she wants to stud every piece of fabric that’s in her sightline. Cuffs and shoulder stud patches? We get it – you’re fashion forward and edgy.

The girls split up to locate Spencer, and I was stunned to see that Emily made a costume change. Usually she wears an outfit until it seems like part of her skin, but not this week! A military inspired vest and denim mini are totes perfect for reconnaissance — utilitarian and yet cute enough to keep your flirt on. Nice work, Fields.

I was less enthused about her awful metallic pants when she met Olympian Missy Franklin, but you can’t win ‘em all with Emily. For yet another US Olympian cameo on a teen show (flashback to Lochte on 90210), I’m happy they didn’t arrange for Emily to meet Missy at a pool where she could pop out of the water in a patriotic swimsuit. Don’t forget they’re people as well as elite athletes that (unintentionally) intimidating in real life!

Since only Emily is shown searching for Spencer, I have to assume that Hannah went home, ate a carrot stick and was all, “...she’s not in the fridge”. Freeing up some time, Hannah plays matchmaker with Ashley and Ted, forcing a coffee date Ashley does not want to have. At least, not with Wilden’s ghost hanging over her head. Or is it? 

Yeah, Wilden is back. Again. And the most stylish mother/daughter team in Rosewood finds out just when Ted is laying down the flirt with Ashley. I am so down with Hannah’s blue coat I’m scraping my nose on the sidewalk. And I think Ashley should adopt the Posh Spice rule of thumb when it comes to dressing: always go for the little Gucci dress.

Aria’s problems always seem a little more melodramatic compared to the rest of the group. So your older boyfriend who just found out he’s a father needs a job? Right. Totally more pressing than a cop your mom may have rundown with her car comes back from the dead. This skull print is so Aria and it’s nice to see a bright-ish colour on her. Other than that, I have no real love for this look. Despite being a print, it feels a little plain to me.

Ezra Fitz, you are as handsome as ever. I’d say never change but I wouldn’t mind seeing you in something completely uncharacteristic. Like, a tank top and denim cutoffs. Or topless. It’s your choice, dude.

Oh look, two parents scheming to potentially break up their daughter’s relationship. How fresh in a teen-focused drama! No news here as Byron looks like an English professor, and Ella looks like a sassy mom. I like the tone of her blue top, but I’m taking points away because I know she’s wearing those damn boots again. GIRL. You’ve had them since the first season – branch out and get whatever semblance of a groove you had back!

Now, I’m about to show the two best looks from this episode which we only see for just over a minute. First up, Hannah in this amazing floral number, complete with Bea Arthur necklace. The colour of the pattern is absolutely beautiful and even though it’s a flowing fabric, it seems to suit Hannah’s figure. This is so current and lovely, I’m practically seething it’s not in my own closet. 

And after a misstep with her skull blouse, Aria reminds the world that she knows her way around a closet. I’m loving her hair in this scene — less bounce, more sleek. But really, we should be focusing on her bow-tie clip, sparkling belt, and sickening top. Aside from costume gowns, this might be the most expensive looking outfit we’ve seen on Aria, and she carries it off perfectly. Not only is it stylish and current like Hannah’s, but it’s an outfit that I can legitimately see a teenage girl, or a mid-20s woman like Lucy Hale wearing. I hope the wardrobe folks at ABC Family are as distraught as I am over these two looks getting the brush off.

More Topshop...

Compare the last two looks with what Hannah and Aria are wearing here: you get my point, right? It’s almost like they’re trying too hard to be trendy with the studs and the prints and the industrial jewelry and the bizarre heels and... are those Doc Martens? Separately, all of these pieces would be unstoppable, but throwing them together in a bathroom mélange takes away from their style.

Do you think anyone uses that bathroom other than the PLLs and Mona? I bet the rest of the school is all, “Oh, you can’t go in there. That’s where those girls who dress everyday like they’re going to be spotted by The Sartorialist go. We hear it’s full of secrets and lookbooks disguised as paper towel dispensers.”

Remember Aria’s studded shoulder patches on her coat? Hannah was clearly taken with the idea because now her cardigan can also double as a medieval weapon of choice.

I saved this photo of Aria for last because I am in love with that necklace. Her Diane von Furstenberg dress is pretty interesting since it may actually be a collection black doilies sewn together, but it’s all about those costume jewels for me. I can’t believe she was hiding this under that leopard coat I’ve only ever seen on drag queens. Aria, just when I count you out you pull me back in.

I refuse to believe this season is almost over considering (as I said) there are so. many. QUESTIONS. Let’s be real, we all know a serious cliffhanger is coming, I’m just getting really impatient. My predictions for next week? Less animal print and more leather. I just have a feeling. 

Pretty Little Liars: Out of Sight, Out of Mind,

Part 2 of 3: Gilmore Girls Gone Wild

Fellow YKYLF staffer Lesley-Anne commented that Hanna and Ashley were owning this episode, and I can't disagree. Rosewood's dysfunctional (yet... somehow more functional than most other mother/daughter pairings in this town) duo became co-conspirators to hide Ashley's possible vehicular homicide.

Ashley's like "Oh shizz! I killed Wilden! We must call the police!"

And Hanna's like, "Mom, I got this. I've been covering up weird — yet oddly justified — crimes for three seasons now. Trust me, just pretend like nothing happened. That never bites you in the ass."

And, despite Ashley being the grown-up in this situation, she lets Hanna make the plans. Denial it is!

I must say this about the Marin ladies — they don't let anything stop them from pulling out all the stops fashion-wise. Ashley stalks around post-possible-murder in maybe my fav trench since Laurel's ruffled one on The Lying Game:

Seriously, you guys, this jacket. The perfectly placed black panels are SUPER flattering without being over-the-top.

This is the classier version of that wackadoo leather-and-trench-bubble-coat Spencer wears when she's doing black market business.

Totally irresponsible parenting/hallucinating guilt has never looked so fab.

And Hanna?

Oh, just working a little studs-on-studs action.

Esther gave this look mad props in the mini recap, but I'm not entirely sold. I appreciate the bravado of it — like, go big or go home. But the buttoned-up-all-the-way white shirt is kinda not working for me with the bomber-style leather jacket. If she had unbuttoned the shirt a bit more, it would hang a bit better and look less, well, buttoned-up. But let's be real: girlfriend's got other things on her mind.

Such as... getting Aria — still freaked out from BABYSITTING — to help her push the police car into the lake.

I'm... not sure this isn't the stupidest thing anyone has ever done on this show. Wait, let me think.

...

Yes, this is ABSOLUTELY THE STUPIDEST THING. Not only because this is the worst possible thing you could ever do this situation, but also because Hanna and Aria weigh like 100 pounds put together. How, exactly, did these two featherweights push a car all the way into a lake?

And ADDITIONALLY - did they even think to check for a body in the trunk? If Wilden's unconscious body was in there and they pushed it into the lake, they're kinda murderers now. FYI.

BTW cute ring.

Pretty Little Liars: Hot Water

Part 2 of 3: The Inappropriate Relationship Club

Guess who's back?!? 

Awwww yeah. Ezria is back in action. In spite of my objections, I know many of you dig it, so let's ignore his black polo (because it's boring) and focus on the following moment:

I'm sure he'll never find out that she kissed his brother.

And I'm sure his son, mother and high school girlfriend will never get in the way. No matter how hard they try. And they do try

It's the only reason why the betweeded Lady Who Lunches would schlep down to a coffee shop to chat with a teen who's wearing leggings and a Project Social t-shirt that had a run in with the shredder. 

Speaking of Aria's t-shirt. There was a moment early in the episode where I thought she was wearing a completely normal outfit. 

White t-shirt, possibly leggings, with a great scarf and a fab arm party. Totes normal. 

But no! Aria doesn't do normal. She does 80s hair band groupie.

Printed leggings and a ripped up shirt back? It looks like she might head home to listen to some Warrant after school. Which would be awesome because then her and Ezra might have something in common, since he probably remembers when Warrant was actually a thing and he can tell her what it was like to be alive in the 80s (even if he was kind of young back then).

Living with deep regrets from her regrettable relationship is Hanna's mom/owner of really amazing hair.

I wonder how she gets her hair to look so good? Those locks are just so silky and flowing. Not to mention that that colour is pretty great on her. Too bad her solo dinner was ruined by this guy:

You sleep with one crazy cop to clear your daughter of one shoplifiting charge and he never lets you forget it. And never leaves your kid alone. Solution?

Go all Thelma and Louise on his ass and mow him down with your car. Obvs.

Another woman with a sketchy relationship past (pour one on the ground for her two dead boyfriends) BUT is bouncing back with great hair, is Melissa.

I'm ambivalent on this beaded blouse. It seems WASPy and appropriate for Melissa as she heads back to school, but it's not terribly exciting. On the other hand, I love this bob style hair cut on her. Secrets and lies and inappropriate relationships are possibly the world's best hair product. It's the only thing that explains the great hair on our favourite ABC Family shows. I mean, she dated Ian and Garret, has some kind of past with Jason and his creepy high school club, and hung out with Ali, CeCe, and Wilden on a boat. Girlfriend is full of secrets. 

One woman who avoided inappropriate relationships (but was married to a man who couldn't help but get into them) is Ella. Dumping his ass has done great things for her wardrobe.

Do you remember how we used to make fun of her for being frumpy? Because I sure do. And now she's a hot mom who looks like she had a Stacey and Clinton What Not to Wear makeover. The boots are great and the blazer keeps it all together and looking tailored. The maroon blouse adds a nice pop of colour and I love the simple accessorizing. Well played, Mrs. Montgomery. You stick with that hot coffee shop owner from earlier in the season. This look is fantastic on you and completely age-appropriate. 

Oh but the winner of bad relationships this week is poor, poor Spencer. She's going through some serious Taylor Swift break-up stages. First it's all "Tear Drops on my Guitar" and no showers.

We'll let her have her break up sweats and focus on her interior decorating. There are three patterns happening here and it's somehow working for me. If I tried that in my bedroom, it'd be a hot mess of patterns. 

She does eventually shower and get back to school, but things are getting a little "Dear John" up in there. 

Even the chalkboard agrees that things aren't going well for our girl:

#despair is right. At least she's moved on from oversized sweaters and into some chambray.

I miss her ultra-tailored look and adorable animal prints, but this is a step up from daytime sweats. The Longchamp bag really helps make it seem like she's trying. 

Apparently the answer to your feelings over being dumped by your psycho true love (you know, in addition to a lot of Taylor Swift and ice cream) is to go running to this guy.

Wren, what's wrong? Does being a cute doctor with an effing accent just fluster all the adults and you can only connect with a teenager? I don't understand. Explain it to me. Because you must be able to hook up with someone who isn't ten years younger. Or not.

I bet kissing Wren had her start to get some Kelly Clarkson feelings, a little "Since U Been Gone". Followed by a good steam in the most insane shower to get rid of those pesky feelings.

Oh Spence. You should have known he was trouble from the start. 

But maybe trying to steam her like a lobster was the best thing for grieving process. Because I've got a feeling the next track on her Taylor Swift breakup playlist is going to be "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together"instead of "Back to December".

An angry Spencer is a scary Spencer. And a well dressed Spencer. Bring it, A. Spencer is ready for you and your creepy bouquets.

 

Pretty Little Liars: Hot Water

Part 3 of 3: Hanna Wins the Day

Hanna brought it and brought it hard this week. So hard I had to give her a post all of her own. Starting from the get-go with this plaid jacket as they do a post-mortem on where the hell Jason DiLaurentis got to after falling a few stories in an elevator.

She looks like a fabulous 1950s co-ed in that jacket with the lace blouse and pearls and amazing hair.

Of course, being Hanna, it's not enough to be just fabulous. She needs to take it up a notch with a day-glo belt that matches her nails and her beaded collar necklace.

A total standout from the rest of the Liars, especially as Spencer was still working through some things and it showed in her outfits. 

But dealing with a creepy, stalker cop who might have knocked up your friend before she died and with a guy going missing from the hospital doesn't stop Hanna from bring her fashion a-game (pardon the A pun) for school the next day.

That dress with that blazer probably would have looked great all on its own or with a simpler belt, but this beaded number takes it up a level (smart money says it's Anthropologie, but I could be wrong). 

More BCBG MAX AZRIA...

And for a master class in accessorizing with a belt like that, Hanna shows us how to do the two largest rings in the state.

I'm pretty sure you could serve dinner on one of those rings, and I love it. 

Finally, in a nod to our fashion spirit animal Cher Horowitz, she pairs the blazer and dress with knee socks and does it without making it look dated.

Golf claps all around, Hanna Marin. You win this week. 

Pretty Little Liars: Single Fright Female

Part 1 of 3: The Secret World of Ezra's High School Girlfriend

A snake. Girls crying. Alex Mack. An impossibly long day. Can this episode get ANY BETTER?! Paige is shoved into the A-light after being revealed as one of Ali's enemies while Nate turns Fifty Shades of Cray getting into fights with newspapers and once-blind girls. And these are just the guest stars. Aria continues to make her own life worse by meddling, only to discover that Ezra has a son and once dated Alex Mack. This causes Aria major anxiety because obvi, Alex Mack > Aria. Eek. Emily continues to spend time with the two most suspicious characters thus far: one who almost drowned her and one who is "related" to her dead ex-girlfriend. Yikes. Oh, and what are Hanna and Spencer doing? Oh, you know, only TRYING TO TAKE DOWN THE PEOPLE RUINING THEIR LIVES. Gawd, girls... where are your priorities?

After Hanna inexplicably stabs her own leg at the Kahn Cabin, she tries to find something long enough to cover up the bandage.

Ugh. Don't you hate it when you have nothing to wear to cover up a stab wound you inflicted yourself? #pllproblems

Hanna still looks pretty cute for being a self-shanking victim. She continues to dodge Spencer's questions about Wren ("Downtown Grabby") in this breezy pink sleeveless top.

Which is really only cute because of the gold tip collars.

Regrettably, she matches it with:

Not even worth discussing.

What else that's not worth discussing is Wren. I mean, this season has, like, fifty new characters... how is Wren STILL relevant?

Apparently he still is to Spencer as well, who feels the need to discuss this with Hanna right before school thus beginning the longest day in history (are days in Rosewood 30 hours long?). Luckily, she fits in with the room decor in her super cute pink-and-white chevron dress and black patent belt.

Pastor Ted comes by to drop off a thumb drive he found at church (Wren, take notes. THIS is how you stay relevant on the show.), which is the same drive Spencer gave to Ian in the season one finale.

Ashley looks put-together as always, even in this boring black dress.

Fashion Pet Peeve Alert: Why does Ted feel the need to wear a short-sleeve henley over a long-sleeve shirt? Obviously, it's not cold in Rosewood right now (based on the fact that Hanna doesn't own knee-length skirts).

Back to (It's Still) Statutory Rape, USA, Aria surprises Ezra with flowers for his birthday.

Aria's hair looks absolutely fantastic. She may be wearing the bejeezus out of The Rachel but she is NAILING IT.

Unfortunately, Grumpy Pants is only concerned about Maggie and the fact that her life might be ruined by his mother and the--blah blah blah blah blah. Can they just end this storyline already? It's almost as unnecessary as Ella Montgomery and that "hipster-before-it-was-cool" barista. Moving on.

In the aftermath of the gross, salty Nate-Emily kiss, Emily struggles to tell Paige what happened in a bright yellow tie-top and sparkly black loafers.

While Emily moves her face around, she doesn't realize that, well, PAIGE WAS THERE WHEN IT HAPPENED.

"Uh yeah, I was, bitch."

She is surprisingly okay with the kiss (A! A! A! A! A!!!) and they walk happily to school together. Unfortunately, that means we're forced to see the rest of Paige's outfit.

LORD ALMIGHTY. I don't get it. I just DON'T GET IT. I imagine a whiteboard somewhere in the PLL wardrobe department that reads, "Newsies + WILL.I.AM." God, there are SO MANY THINGS WRONG here:

1) Suspenders not actually used as suspenders.

2) 18th Century breeches. According to Wikipedia, also worn in the 17th Century. Hmmm.

3) Emily being the better dressed of the two.

An even better dressed duo comes in the form of SPARIA as they discuss Ezra's "White Boy Problems." So, is this before school as well? Has class even begun yet? I need a copy of these girls' class schedules. Because all I imagine are a lot of free blocks and Ella Montgomery's English class.

In terms of accessories, Aria finally takes Coco Chanel's advice seriously ("...take off one piece of jewelry before I leave the house..."). Of course, Aria has to take off 6 pieces of jewelry to actually make it work. But she does. Oh, she SURE DOES:

Her statement ring, minimal bracelets and gorgeous gold earrings. Don't even get me started on her super cute dress. More details on that to come.

Sidenote: one thing that really bothers me about Aria is that she never takes responsibility for her actions. You know, little things like dating her teacher, destroying her dad's office and wearing feather earrings post-2008. Until now.

Spencer: Why is Ezra still thinking about his high school girlfriend?

Aria: Probably because I pushed him to.

Spencer:

SLOWWWWWW CLAP.

To resolve the situation, Aria comes up with the brilliant idea to visit Maggie (I guess she skips school for this?) to which Spencer replies, "No, that is a terrible idea."

Naturally...

Sigh. How can we blame her? She IS the only one of the girls who dated Noel Kahn, which doesn't exhibit great judgment. But great judgment comes in different forms. Like for example, styling one of the best outfits of this entire episode.

I hereby take back all the times I've referred to Aria as: Hot Mess, Accessories Whore and "WTF IS SHE THINKING?!" Girl. Because, she has nailed this outfit. Unique floral dress, bold elephant belt and an effortless cardigan thrown on top. Perfect for an ex-girlfriend snoop.

Too bad her incredible outfit can't change the fact that Maggie is not only a cute, perky teacher with a graduate degree but also ALEX MOTHERF**KING MACK.

How cute are you! Great, vintage-y Anthropologie top and bold gold accessories (unlikely childproof but I mean, how important is that REALLY).

And, sorry, girl. She is pulling The Mia Farrow way better than you are pulling The Rachel.

"Gee, thanks."

Things can't get any possibly worse... right? How much worse can it get than your boyfriend's ex being able to morph into liquid form on command?

Apparently a lot worse. Like Secret Son worse.

Chin up, Aria. Take comfort in the fact that you are the ONLY ONE who stirred the Ezra-Maggie-Son pot and totally moved this entire storyline yourself. SLOWWWWWW CLAP.