Pretty Little Liars: A dAngerous gAme

Part 3 of 3: A gAla To Die For

Gold leaf and embossed text? Man, the Hastings do not skimp on invites when it comes to their daughter’s recovery/SERIOUSLY SHE’S FINE soiree. Except, now we know it’s not a Hastings affair, but a delicious trap set by A!

Realizing Mona and A will be watching the girls get ready for the party, Emily, Hanna and Aria pull on their best threads. Two things I died out loud over: Emily’s figure in that gold Grecian dress and her up-do. I’d hate for Emily to cut her hair, but she looks drop dead in this scene. This is red carpet ready.

Aria’s look feels a little familiar — this Black Swan meets Bleak House style seems to be her go-to when it’s time to get fancied up. The lace bodice is beautiful, but I can’t say I’m wild about the fur collar. Been there and done that, you know? Though, it’s kind of cute this is her idea of the LBD.

Hanna is giving us a glimpse into her future as a Real Housewife of Dubai, and it is fierce. Periwinkle needs to be used more and the embellishments on the chest and waist put this dress two steps behind a drag queen pageant gown. Shout out to the "rented" Miu Mius! We’d all do awful things for those, right? Not just me?

Toby and Spencer wait at the lodge with Mona to pull off A’s plan, and it seems the afterglow has worn off. Of course, Toby is in the A uniform, but Spencer is divine in a copper and bronze gown with matching bolero. If you couldn’t tell, I have a thing for metallics and this look damn near knocked me to the ground. Girl needs to stomp it out to Bey’s new track “Bow Down” in this one.

With the Liars in on the double-cross, they change out of their gala gear (boo) and into some sneaky clothes that are best for sneaking because that’s what’s up. So glad Aria brought that knit hat. Totally necessary.

Now, there was a lot of back and forth between who’s really working for A and whatnot, so let me shorten it down: Mona tells Toby to wipe out Spencer, so he takes her outside and sends her after Red Coat while Mona and the Liars get trapped in the lodge which is quickly being consumed by a fire started by a someone wearing black gloves. Cool?

With all of this drama happening, Spencer is finding her way through the misty woods to catch a glimpse of Red Coat’s face. Naturally, her metallic outfit lent itself well to staying hidden.

You may wonder how Red Coat was getting to the lodge unseen and the answer is... they were flying. That’s right, Red Coat can fly a goddamned plane. In addition to being an expert hacker, master of disguise, adept thief and intimidating blackmailer with an unending fortune, she knows how to pilot her own mothereffing’ plane. I’m convinced Red Coat is actually Carmen Sandiego.

So who was under that red hood all this time? Do we finally know who Vivian Darkbloom truly is (besides a bad choice at aliases)? Well, hold onto your socks y’all because...

It’s Alison!

The girl who has an endless supply of mourners, memorials and statues dedicated to her is so totally alive and apparently learned how to FLY A GODDAMNED PLANE. 

With Ali’s help, all the girls escape the fire, including Mona, and they head back to town with the fairly gut-wrenching truth that their dead friend ain’t dead. But that wasn’t enough of a cliffhanger for PLL. Oh hell no, they needed to dredge up Wilden’s police car and leave it in the centre of town.

Now, if danger follows you at every turn and you find a car you tried to bury has risen from the dead, would you look in the trunk? Doesn’t matter what you think because the Liars? They already done looked inside.

WHEW. That was a long one, but with so many wardrobe changes and plot twists, a season finale like that deserves some extra attention. They certainly know how to pack in the dramz in Rosewood. I wonder about Toby being left behind, and if Mona is going to join the Liars now that she’s on A’s shit list? Any guesses as to what's in the trunk!? My money is one some photo album or a Burn Book. I'm going to spend this break trying to figure out what these girls did to piss off Alison so much because seriously, how bad could it have been?! I'll also work on how I’m going to be able to wait until PLL comes back to my television because good lord, I’m fixin’ to know what’s gonna go down!

Pretty Little Liars: Misery Loves Company

Part 2 of 3: Team Cray

Aria's cold from last episode came to an ugly head this week but through the haze, she finally realized that Meredith isn't what she seems. Thanks for catching up, Aria. It's like you don't even watch this show. 

If you did, you would not be swayed by Meredith's perfect blonde hair and her super-convincing concerned face. Because if we learned anything this week it's that this bitch be cray y'all. CRAY! Don't get me wrong, I love this super sleek, black pencil skirt and that sheer white blouse borrowed from Lady Mary's wardrobe. And that gorge wide belt is totally the cherry on top. I might grant her a pardon for her psychosis, despite all evidence to the contrary.

Exhibit number eleventy: She's got the crazy eyes. Yes, Meredith is gorgeous and has really pretty earrings, but Aria? We need to have a serious talk about trust and naiveté.

While Meredith's busy trying to throw Ella off her track, Aria has a crazy dream/not dream/hallucination/whatever. Ali visits her in these mint green jeans with white cork wedges which would be perfect for a picnic. Maybe she should have visited Emily instead. Do we think Ali only ever dresses in summer clothes because that's when she "died"?

But honestly who the eff cares what she looks like when she literally says to Aria: "Do I look dead do you?" WHAT?! Is she serious? Enough with the riddles woman, we need answers!

Ali does look divine, though, in this delicate white lace tank. I guess she was Aria's angel since she warned her about Meredith's poisonous tea and told her the truth or whatever about Aria's dad. Saint Ali!

I'm also really digging the thin sparkly belt. Sparkles, sparkles, sparkles. And her tank looks even more angelic from the back. I wish we could see the whole outfit because I know I absolutely love the whole ensemble.

But you GUYSS! Ali picked Aria for what?! What was she talking about? Then she leaves the doll by the door and when Aria wakes up, the doll is still there! Did Aria sleep walk and put it there? Was Alison actually in the room? Seriously, weirdest. Scene. Ever. Also, FYI I'm really over this whole doll thing. Like enough already. We get it, they amp up the creep factor. But I'm done.

Once Aria realizes she's been made prisoner, she breaks a mirror. What up, 7 years bad luck. I don't think you can afford any more bad juju, girl.

And now this bitch be cray!

Meanwhile at the drugstore, Meredith dons a nicely fitted, yet very unnecessary, burgundy suit jacket. She likes adding jackets to things, doesn't she? Bonus: you can tell she's losing her nerve because her curls are falling.

So, Hanna and Emily arrive at Aria's house. Because they've never seen a horror movie, when crazy Meredith leads them to the basement and tells them to go right on down, they're suddenly on the Price Is Right. Sadly, there was no Plinko in the basement.

But eventually, Byron materializes. Rescuing aside, could he be any creepier?

Oh, look he could. We switch to Flashback Filter and confirm it's not approps for a grown man to have secret rendezvous with pretty girls in the middle of the night, especially when they're running around in skimpy things like this lemon yellow flapper style tank.

Nooooo Aria!! After Byron's flashback, he convinces Aria of his innocence, and she burns the diary pages like she's on a daytime soap (that comes on after Price is Right?) Aria, that's exactly what he wanted you to do! Gah, it's amazing how good hair and a cute oversized raglan can cloud a girl's judgement.

Is it too much to hope tht Aria's got something up her sleeve? Another copy of the pages, perhaps? Hiden in one of her dolls? I just hope Byron believes that she belives him so he can stop being so very, very creepy. 

Pretty Little Liars: She's Better Now

The Women In Charge: Part 2 of 2

The Rosewood Charity Marathon was a serious plot point this week, which explains why Spencer is not looking her best right now. You’ll get no shade from me about running gear – I look like a dying giraffe when I try to stay fit. But this outfit is important because it leads to a lovely hot tub scene, prolonging Toby’s shirtlessness.

Of course, now that Mona is back and all friendly with Jason, Spencer can’t even enjoy a hot tub with her handsome (and frisky) boyfriend. Girl, get that look off your mug and get into what you’ve got. Debbie Downer’s got nothing on Spencer Hastings. 

In contrast to Spencer’s running gear, Aria naturally took a more trendy approach. I’m down with the skull shirt, and the grey leggings you can’t see, but can we all chill with the studded embellishments? Not everything needs to look like you just stepped out of the Thunderdome. I am impressed the studs carried over to the pocket trim, but this is one 2012 trend that needs to fade away.

While Aria’s style is ever changing – remember when she was into cutesy accessories and multiple belts? – she’ll always have Ezra in her corner. The man only has to wear a grey t-shirt and he looks adorable, but I’m hoping we’ll see the usual prep-school chic he’s so fond of. EzRia forevs, y’all.

I’m still awed by Aria’s style transition. The PLL wardrobe crew knows what they’re doing. At first, the explosion of animal print felt like my eyes were caught in a stampede at African Lion Safari, but she fully owns this fierce ensemble. Her striped jacket is hands down the best choice for layering; if you’re going to serve print, you better do it to the limit. My only issue is with her shoes. The monochrome clash just looks cheap and it takes away from the overall impact. You should have stuck with a solid colour, girl!

Here’s a better H-to-T of Aria’s look, along with Spencer and Emily’s main outfits for this episode. Thanks to the marathon, sweatpants dominated the second half of the show, but Spencer’s peasant look and gorgeous green skirt more than made up for it. Emily is consistent as ever, but I’m happy to see her playing with more jewelry. Still, Aria’s wardrobe is what drag queens dream about (therefore my fav).

I just need to say that Hanna’s purse is giving me life right now. I would knock a bitch down to get my hands on that piece. I love the colours, the shape, the straps – it’s everything. Hanna doesn’t look so bad herself in that blue, polka-dot mini dress. She never seems to have luck pairing the right coat with her clothes, but I suppose that’s why she carries a jaw dropping bag. I love this angle of Emily’s outfit now that her leather jacket and scarf are included. So much Joan Jett realness. 

Of course, our girls tend to stand out in their day to day fashion. Is that Hanna standing in the hallway, or is Mrs. Robinson following Lucas to school?

More Aldo...

 

OK, I know things just got Hanna heavy right now, but I can’t resist. Girlfriend is working that bath towel down and I’m loving every minute.

Maybe Hanna’s fierceness comes from having a piece like Caleb on the side? Like many of the Rosewood men, he looks fantastic in the simplest clothing. Although, Caleb could use some advice when it comes to his hair. Added volume wouldn’t be his finest look, but I think those locks could stand to be silkier.

Rounding out Hanna’s support system, Nana is here and ready to drop some truth bombs. She’s got that straightforward sass I love, and she’s not afraid of chunky accessories. This is totally a lost cover for Reality Check Magazine, and that linen shirt she’s wearing has so much retiree swag, I know I’m going to adore this woman.

Just look at the side-eye she’s throwing at Mona’s online confession! You betta werk, Nana.

Now, you might think I’ve covered all the Liars, but this week had a very special guest. Oh yes, Miss Thing herself was back and whenever Alison shows up, she brings one of my favourite accessories: the flashback filter! I’m always surprised at what she’s wearing because with the legend that surrounds her, you’d assume she would have been fashion forward like our girls today. Instead, it looks like she found her way into a dELiA*s catalog and is blackmailing Byron for more shopping cash. In short, I’m not living for this pink top; is that a print of a housefly!?

As usual, more questions were raised than answered this week. But if the girls’ wardrobe is anything to base a prediction on, I’m sensing this half of the season will be as big as their hair, and as loud as Aria’s skirts.

Pretty Little Liars: This is a Dark Ride

Part 3 of 3 - Party on the Murder Train!!

Even the A-Team got into the Halloween spirit, showing up in a new costume as the hArlequin!

The hArlequin wore these awesome rings, with ROOFIES INSIDE. Seriously, apart from the roofies, these rings are kinda awesome. And? Irony: Aria is done in by killer rings. Literally, KILLER RINGS. RINGS FILLED WITH ROOFIES. BAM!

So, A totally roofied Aria (when she was busy daydreaming about American Idol Runner-Up Adam Lambert) and Aria totally woke up locked in a crate with GARRETT'S TOTALLY DEAD BODY.

And that was how Aria lost her A-ginity. Remember earlier this season, when she was like "Ahh! I'm so scared of bathroom stalls! Hold me, Spencer!" Well, now she knows what her three BFFs have been dealing with THIS WHOLE SHOW. Welcome to ALMOST DYING, Montgomery.

Oh, I mentioned Garrett's totally dead body, right? So, before he died, he confessed to Spencer that he didn't kill Ali. It's just that he hit a field hockey stick on a tree, and told his blind girlfriend (Jenna, obvs) that Ali was dead. So Jenna thinks he did it, but he didn't do it. Get it?

Yeah, I have no idea what that was all about, either.

And then!! Garrett also tells Spencer that, later on that same night (the night Ali died), he saw her talking with... ARIA'S DAD!!

Like, was Ali sleeping with literally every man in Rosewood? And could Byron get any creepier? Also: remember when Ali coerced Aria into trashing Byron's office, pretending it had been done by a woman he scorned? WAS ALI THAT WOMAN??

Besides Paily, Spoby, and Ezria, Rosewood's fourth-best supercouple showed up to the Murder Train too!

Jenoel!

Noel is a matador; Jenna is a saucy pirate wench. Is it weird I'm more comfortable seeing her with one eye closed, than when her whole face is exposed? Kinda brave of a newly non-blind girl to wear an eyepatch, I guess.

Also, Jason DiLaurentis showed up dressed like... Brandon Walsh from original recipe 90210?

"Hey guys, break it up. You should probably give me your keys, I don't think you're safe to drive home tonight."

Did you guys catch how Jason sent some sort of psychic message to Lucas, just before the hArlequin tried to strangle Spencer to death? Or were you too distracted by the fresh-faced again, less-creepy Lucas dressed like an old-timey paparazzo?

Are we supposed to like him again? Or is he still a creeper? I can't remember anymore, but I love his gigantic camera.

Also, Caleb was there, dressed as Sexy Phantom of the Opera.

Well, he was dressed as Phantom of the Opera, but anything Caleb wears automatically gets "Sexy" put in front of it. Because, come on.

Although, unexpectedly, Paige wins the prize for Best PLL Significant Other tonight. Because, did Caleb, Evil Toby or Ezra save Spencer from being TOTALLY STRANGLED by the hArlequin? No, Paige did that. Because Paige? Is the greatest.

Ezra, who missed the party because of *mumblemumblewriting* or whatever, conveniently showed up after Aria's rescue to be all like, "I'm here because of coincidences! I was driving beside the train! Totally not on the train! Absolutely I have nothing to do with the A-Team!"

Aria believes him, but I don't know. What do you think about this Over-The-Shoulder-Hug action?

He may not be as evil as Evil Toby, but something's not right in EzriaLand.

Oh, and back on the mainland, Ashley and Pastor Ted dressed as a Doctor and Nurse:

Aww, wholesome fun! Ashley seems to have modified a Sexy Nurse outfit to make it more family (and Pastor Ted) friendly, with a cleavage-covering panel in the front:

But again with the Marin women and wigs that are the same as their normal hair. What's the point of a redhead wearing a redhead wig for Halloween? Obvs red suits her very well, but like... WTF?

Oh, and then of course Ashley had a run-in with a little girl wearing Spencer's outfit from the first scene:

Was this little girl the Ghost of Ali? One of the twin girls from Ali's monologue from The First Secret? The ghost of Ali's dead long-lost twin? I literally have no idea.

Pretty Little Liars: The Remains of A

Part 2 of 2 - Who Dun It?

Yeeeah. Isn't this just a little too, I don't know, slor-ish for a 14 year-old? Or am I just getting old? While it absolutely fits Ali's personality, I would much prefer if this dress was hanging in my closet instead of on her body. 

I know we're supposed to be focusing on the importance of this charm anklet, but how can anyone focus on anythng with these shoes in the way? These are 100% eff me now shoes and I 112% love them. But there's no way she's 'A'.

'A' could never make a quick getaway in 13" heels.

Speaking of man-eaters, Ashley Marin is by far the most awesome mom. But I'm still not fooled by her sweetness (although why she would want to hurt her daughter I haven't decided, unless they're in it together... soory, I'm getting carried away). In terms of sartorial choices, I didn't really like her necklace and was confused by the neckline on this dress. 

Do you know what else I'm confused about? Why sometimes Ashley's hair looks SO red, and other times...

It looks light brown. In the very next scene! It can't just be the lighting. Are there two of her? But I do love this dress, and I love that she showed some clevage at a church function, and made a joke about alcohol to a pastor. This is why Ashley rocks, and where Hanna gets her sass. 

Apple, tree. All that.

Also on our suspect list: Ezra. Maybe if you had opened his robe just a little more we wouldn't accuse you of being on the A Team.

But as soon as we (and by we I mean Aria) opened your sock drawer to this, and you subsequently lied to us/Aria about the money's source, we had no choice but to accuse you of criminal activity. Bro, if you don't want someone to find this "secret" stash, don't go hiding it in your sock drawer in a tiny apartment where your girlfriend is bound to come across it one day when her Laura Ashley boots eat her socks and she needs to go looking for replacements.

And Mr. Hastings what is your deal? Why are you wearing a hideous paisley tie? And how is it that you disappear for ages, return, and suddenly know everything about everything? You. Are. A. Mystery. 

Papa Spence needs to take a clue from Detective Wilden, who's proving he's not all good hair and expensive suits. Is he part of the A clan? Or is he actually onto A's identity? Why does he always show up when things are getting more out of hand than normal? 

And why was Harry Potter, Holden involved with Emily's kidnapping? He obviously wanted her to see his stamp, he saw the recognition in her face. Who are you? Tell us your life story before I spike your punch with Veritaserum.

Sidenote: I threw this in so ya'll could get another look at Hanna's pretty, pretty dress. Oh, and so we can start keeping track of the height of Toby's hair. 

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!! WHO KILLED THEM??!! WHY WAS SPENCER SO UPSET????? WHO WAS SPENCER GOING TO CALL BEFORE GETTING THIS TEXT???!!!!! WHEN WILL THE MADNESS END?!!?

Am I being too dramatic? No, didn't think so. All these unanswered questions are starting to make me anxious. Last question of the day, why did Garrett's case get completely dropped? He still did some shady things like stealing the page from the autopsy. Isn't that a crime? UGH! PLL, you kill me.