Part 1 of 2 - I Wear 3 Inches or Nothing
OhEmGee where to start. Well there's the fact that Ezra is hiding millions (ok probably more like thousands) in his sock drawer and made up some sob story which obviously Aria bought. What's he hiding?! Why is he lying?! Then there's the revelation that Garrett didn't kill Alison and Maya, except that I never thought he did in the first place. Why was everyone so surprised by this? THEN both Wilden and Spencer's dad returned to Rosewood for God knows what. What's up with that?! And we found out Holden had something to do with Emily's kidnapping. What the heck is his deal?! And why is Toby's hair so big? And what's going on with Mona? And why does Jason always seem to magically appear? Are the questions ever going to go away?!!
They should have just dubbed this episode The Hanna Marin Show, because girl rocked it all night long. And then she uttered the hands down best line EVER said on PLL (see title).
So like, do they teach classes on how to wear pants as awesome as these and not look like a total doofus? I (as well as half the female population) need to sign me up for one of those. Because try as we might, no one could ever, EVER wear these beauties as fabulously as Miss Sassy Pants Hanna. I know for a fact that if I saw someone walk by me wearing these pants, I'd quickly snap a pic and send it to the rest of the YKYLF fam with the caption "Oh no she dinnit!"
But Hanna pairs these pants with the most perfect yellow tank and oversized teal bag and exudes such confidence, I'd never even notice she was wearing the most ridiculous pair of pants I've ever seen (and secretly, still covet).
These girls must spend as much time on their nails as they do trying to figure out who the heck is stalking them. They always have the best manicures, especially Hanna-babe. (We are on a "Hanna-babe" level because duh, we're besties).
Hanna-babe and Em also seem to be getting closer recently. I assume it's the cohabitation, not the fact that they are secretly A together. Although each possesses very questionable tendencies slightly similar to A (drugs, drinking, kleptomania, etc.) so who the eff knows at this point.
But I do know that Emily's patterned pants can not even hold a torch to Hanna's. I don't care if they're Sevens. I just don't like light colored jeans very much (yes, I'm whining). And I'm so tired of her cut-off baseball tees (whining again).
Even this would be a more fun solution to Emily's consistently drab wardrobe. Maybe Hanna-babe should steal buy this corny beach cover up that everyone somehow still thinks are da-bomb! (I guess showing the back is too risqué for ABC Fam).
Strike a pose there's nothing to it. Vogue, vogue, vogue, vogue. God could she BE any more perfect? She even ugly faces prettily! At first I hated these earrings because they reminded me of a snowflake Christmas ornament my mom has and that I have never liked. Then I noticed they aren't solid gold but they have color and I thought, oh wow, those are actually kind of pretty!
But not as pretty as this dress. When Hanna walked through the doorway I swear I heard a choir of angels singing from the heavens above, "ahhhhhhh." This is just the prettiest gosh darn dress ever. I luuuurve it! It's so different from Hanna's normal style. Oh, and not pictured - her beyond Joan & David shoes. GORGE. This outfit makes her look like a young and innocent girl, devoid of any stresses such as worrying about a creepy dude who wants to have her and her friends for dinner.
But yo, Toby, what the H is wrong with you? You're dancing with a hot girl. If she can get over your three foot high hair, you can get over whatever your dumb grievances are.
Switching gears, I'm going to gush on Em for a bit. She's perfecting the art of runway right here folks.
Never ever has our bland little Emily worn such an amazing dress. So glad to see she's getting back up on the saddle. Though I just don't think it's fair for there to be this much pretty in one place, I mean God, can't you spread the wealth?
Don't cry Aria. Just because your boyfriend is totes magotes lying to you about why he has a bajillion dollars stashed in his sock drawer, I still really like your outfit! Positive reinforcement.
Yes, her top does look a little moth-eaten, but I'm digging the color combo, the cut, the fit, the way she gets whatever she wants with that pout.
Hey-o those are some shoes! Yup, you're right they're ugly. But gotta give snaps for getting Laura Ashley to make combat boots.
Or maybe they're Dr. Martens? A Doc Martens/Laura Ashley alliance? How unholy.
Cute. Fun. Plain. Pretty pouty face. Meh.
Also meh: Don't worry I can explain this outfit. One of Spencer's extracurriculars is being a camp counselor and she forgot to change out of her outfit. It's not heinous, just not fab.
I understand Spencer is a stickler for being practical, but I know her shoes below to be:
1. Not opportune for trekking throughout Rosewood uncovering clues about A.
2. Too stark a contrast against her pasty (though pretty) skin.
3. From the late 1800s, and that was a scary time in footwear.
Spencer needs to adopt Hanna's motto on appropriate footwear.
And this outfit isn't much better. I mean...is that a necklace? A wannabe tie? Is it part of the shirt? Did she steal one of her dolls dresses and wear it as a shirt? Why don't her pants reach her ankles? Where are her normal preppy clothes? I am so confused!
Having her dad around must really be messing with her head...