Blood Is The New Black - Part 1 of 3 - Meet Me in The Bathroom

After a pretty underwhelming season opener, we finally begin moving forward in typical PLL fashion. In other words, barely moving forward at all. Spencer and Hanna investigate possible A subjects while Aria is forced to interact with Meredith again (Byron's affair from season one). And Emily? Don't worry, she's still got her shifty emotionally confused looks. Which come in handy when the girls finally find out that bitch isn't only crazy but can also SEE. Wait, didn't we already know that? Oh and also A isn't just one person but a TEAM. We definitely knew that. Wait, so did WE, the AUDIENCE, actually learn anything in this episode? Ugh. At least some things never change in Rosewood, PA.

The episode starts off with a lovely message from A:

After seeing this, Emily has a meltdown in the middle of class and just leaves, without permission. I mean, what is her deal? Fine, she got a morbid message from A with a necklace made of human teeth. And fine, she might fail and have to repeat the 11th grade. And fine, her girlfriend was just murdered. But like.... come on.

Spencer and Aria rush out to talk to her (I guess this is all okay since Aria's mother is the teacher???) and serendiptiously run into Hanna on the way to the bathroom. They meet in a bathroom stall...apparently the new Spencer's Kitchen.

Wow. They all look pretty fantastic. Let's break it down.

Oh, Emily. Distraught-naive-emotionally-conflicted Emily actually looks pretty good at the start of the episode. Add a pair of aviators and she looks like she's ready to jump on the back of a motorcycle.

All she needs to do now is GET IT TOGETHER.

Speaking of "getting-it-together," we can always count on Spencer Hastings for a little lesson in elegance and class and style and WTF IS THIS TOP?!?!

 Oh wait...

Okay, okay, I see it now. Whew. Totally redeemed with the '70s flared jeans and platform sandals. Aria and Emily may be the main event in the shot but Spencer is silently stealing the show.

Hanna rocks every single outfit in this episode and I couldn't even bring myself to picking a fav. I mean, for crying out loud, look at her. Her style is changing lives around the world.

Pink, blue, green, black AND white? She's wearing five different colors and NOTHING is clashing.

More Barneys New York...

Hanna and Aria battle it out a lot in the accessories arena but Hanna always seems to win (aka Aria wears half her jewelry box every day).

I love that geometric cuff and those long blue and white earrings. She's not messing around.

Even though Hanna has the best outfits all around in this episode, Aria's AllSaints dress is the one that REALLY makes me swoon. The suspender belt straps, the uneven and pulled-up hem, the engineer stripes... LOVEEEEEEEEEE.

Best outfit even with the weird open-toe boots.

Also, I won't even comment on her sloppy-but-not-sloppy-in-a-cute-way ponytail. Did the show's hairstylist even try?

Looks like he/she was more focused on Meredith because damn, this girl's hair is BOUNCY and BEAUTIFUL and HEALTHY and PERFECT. It's UNREAL.

Her pink-blouse/blazer combo is pretty generic but how can you concentrate on anything BUT her hair in this scene? It's like everything melts away and nothing else exists.

Sidenote: how many teachers are there in Rosewood? Aria's dad, Aria's mom, Ezra, Jackie Molina and now Meredith... is teaching a coveted career in Pennsylvania or something?

Speaking of Teachers Who Break Up Families, Aria urges Emily to get tutored by Ezra, which is clearly just a way for Ezra to stay active on the show. I guess they haven't figured out anything for Mike Montgomery yet.

Also, is this Ezra's dressed down look? What happened to his excessive layering of patterned ties, patterned shirts and patterned jackets?

Ohhh:

Wren is just too much. Why is he always in everyone's biz??? Kissing fiancees' sisters, getting underagers drunk and being EVERYONE'S doctor? Like, I get that he's there for exposition and stuff. And fine, I'll let go of the fact that he just happens to volunteer at the mental hospital that Mona's at. But does it make ANY logical sense that he's always at the mental hospital the same time Hanna is visiting?!

Speaking of illogical, there's also a lot of throwing of stuff in this episode:

Don't these girls ever have homework to do? God, I love this show.

Blood Is The New Black - Part 2 of 3 - Girl With the Red Earring

Let's take a break from the girls to say hello to our favorite blind girl:

"Haaaaay."

Jenna is wearing the ugliest outfit of the entire episode. Which is surprising 'cause BITCH CAN SEE now and has been able to for FIVE MONTHS. So, there's just no excuse. She looks like she's wearing a dress over a dress over a dress over a dress...

For some inexplicable reason (besides the obvious illegal one), I can't stomach watching Ezra and Aria kiss. But I do love watching SPOBY get it on:

Ahem.

I mean, I know she got stuck wearing all the skirt suits in this episode, but does she have to be such a bitch about it?

The girls return to school the next day, strolling in like they're the cast of SATC or somethin'.

Like... where do I even begin? Good news or bad news?

Good news: Spencer's preppy polo dress with a little tulle peeking out. Hanna's fun and bright colorblock dress.

Bad news: Everything else.

Emily is just Emily, so I won't even bother. But Aria. ARIA ARIA ARIA. How do you go from an amazing AllSaints dress to bad, bad 80s?!?

I don't even think any of these pieces would look good styled separately.

God, even the earring from Allison's casket stashed in Aria's locker isn't cute:

Demerits all around.

Wouldn't you agree, Jenna?

Jenna looks pretty cute here for a LIAR/MANIPULATIVE BITCH/FLUTIST. I'm digging her top and belt. Also, this is such a '90s opening credits shot.

Sans pistachio hidden message. Is she trying to make a crop circle of pistachio shells? I'm sure we'll learn about this later. 

Okay, okay, Emily's outfit isn't THAT bad. I mean, she did add a cute spiked bracelet. Which must have taken tremendous effort. For her.

"Yeah I guess. I mean. I don't know. I mean. Are you sure? Wait. What?" C'mon girlfriend, use your words. 

I do think Hanna's dress deserves a close-up:

So do her accessories:

That's my girl. Nailed it times a million.

Blood Is The New Black - Part 3 of 3 - BITCH CAN SEE

By force of A, Aria admits to her dad that she was the one who trashed his office, not Meredith. Byron is upset and demands she put on her big girl patterned tights and apologize.

I'm going to ignore the fact that she even has to apologize to Miss Homewrecker and only comment on the nice color of her dress. Because everything else screams Forever 21 three years ago.

Also, HAIR:

Toby tries to convince Spencer that BITCH CAN SEE and provides proof. Spencer listens in a very Spencer-like print dress and multicolored belt:

Yawn. This reminds me so much of the cat-print dress she wore in Season 1 that I'm just bored.

Hanna goes back to visit Mona with my fav PLL, Caleb, and rocks a snake-print top and leather leggings:

So, so cute. Inapprope sky-high heels and all. She does know she's going to a MENTAL HOSPITAL not TAO in VEGAS, right???

Hanna does Mona's makeup (?) and Mona manages to swipe a pair of tweezers from her.

What is she going to do with it??? Pick a lock? Kill a guard? Kill HERSELF???

Huh. Couldn't have predicted that.

The girls rendezvous in the bathroom (again) and pretty much just list every question the viewers have without answering any of them. Which is AWESOME.

Best Outfit: Spencer's floral slip and gold oxfords.

Best Day-to-Night: Hanna's accordian top and geometric belt.

Most Blehhh: Do I even need to say?

Just Random: Spikes, feather-prints and rocks do not an outfit make, Aria.

"Guys, I swear it was Jenna driving me to the cemetery that night."

"Emily... just... stop..."

Give her a break, guys. She's at least TRYING to accessorize even if it is completely unsuccessful. I mean, she's practically an alcoholic.

Maybe she should stop looking to Aria for tips.

Pretty Little Liars don't let Pretty Little Liars wear ugly rock necklaces.

But they do let each other try new hairstyles. I am seriously in love.

Also with Spencer's milkmaid 'do.

Jenna comes down the hallway to interrupt the girls' bathroom meeting in a pink summer dress and an unnecessarily large belt.

"Oh my God, you're right. It is large."

Now that the girls are all caught up...

Who is Black Swan? How is Lucas involved? How is Wren able to be everywhere all the time? Did Alison plant the earrings in Byron's office? Why is Spencer's mom working for Garrett? And while we're at it, where the EFF IS MELISSA'S BABY?!?!

Ughhh. Forget patience. I'm ready to hang a sign that says, "BITCH NEEDS ANSWERS." Who's with me?!

Mini Recap: Blood is the New Black

Just when you start to think one plotline has shut its doors, it opens right back up. And yes, I'm talking about Byron's affair (didn't we get over that in Season 1?). The "mistress" shows back up in Rosewood and at Rosewood High no less. This definitely does not get past A and Aria has to reveal to her father that she and Alison vandalized his office back in the day. Meanwhile, back at the nuthouse, Hanna gets frustrated with Mona's unresponsiveness, and throws some stuff around, and then continues to lie to Caleb (that can't be good...they're my fave!). 

Drama-rama du jour
"BITCH CAN SEE!" Favorite line of the night. The girls find out that Jenna can actually see. 

Gratuitous Male Shirtlessness
Unfortunately, Toby's shirt didn't quite come all the way off.   

Best Outfit
It's a tie between Aria's dress at left (which I'm pretty sure is from AllSaints and I've been coveting) and Hanna's casual look also at left. The neutral top and hot pink pants are perfection--and I'm kind of digging the long earrings too.  

Best 'A' Message
"Dead girls can't smile"  

Current 'A' Suspect
Jenna is up to no good. I repeat: "bitch can see."  

Let's see if Esther agrees with my best outfit choice on Friday!