Breaking the Code - Part 1 of 3 - R U A?

Much like Kate last week, I was so caught up in the dramz that I didn't notice a lot of the fashion until a second viewing. Now, that's some SERIOUS DRAMZ because I didn't notice several NOTABLE FASHION PIECES this week, but we'll get into that in a bit.
So, this week on THE SCARIEST SHOW ON TV: Mona's being harassed by A (or is she secretly A and pretending to be harassed?) which brings her closer to Hanna. Emily is sad Maya's gone MIA (or is she secretly A?) which brings her closer to Crazy Paige. Aria comes clean to her friends about Ezra (IS HE A?) and then he totally dumps her. Spencer gets drunk and makes a pass at Cute Wren (IS HE A??) and then goes off to possibly be killed by Melissa (WHO IS PROBABLY A!!). Oh, and Ashley and Ella form the beginnings of Pretty Little Liars, Sr., as they finally notice their daughters have been stalked/harassed for like 10 years now.

This week brings the usual amount of creeptastic "A" suspects, starting with Skeezy Garrett and his M&Ms of doooooom:

Remember Ian and his creepy breakfast foods habit? The milk glass of doom? Did the NAT club sit around like ANTM contestants, practicing their best angles for creepy stalker eating/drinking?

Flashback Melissa is like, "Am I late for NAT snacktime? Dammit, I was really craving M&MS."

Cute outfit/terrifying body language. Have we seen Spencer wearing that belt? Maybe Melissa turned into "A" because she got fed up with Spencer borrowing her prepster accessories. Anyway, this screencap is creepy as anything, so I don't blame the PLLS for being like: 

Melissa is straight up creepy, you guys. I have serious concerns about Spencer leaving with her at the end of the episode.

And not just because she's wearing a matching skirt and scarf. Or is it all one thing? A shirtscarf? Either way, it's straight up fug and she can't blame pregnancy hormones because SHE'S TOTALLY EVIL.

Mona may not be totally evil, but she's totally suspicious this week. Why would A suddenly begin picking on her, unless she's secretly in league with A and trying to gain Hanna's trust? Anyway, her first outfit was That's So Mona:

Weirdly fitting green camo skirt with one of Spencer's preppy belts and one of Ashley's silk blouses? That's So Mona!

Trying to decide between fug...

... and fuglier?

That's So Mona!

That's also the ugliest dress ever. I don't blame Hanna for being like, "Whatevs, they're both cute," because Mona needs a military-scale fashion intervention to save her style. Hanna has more important things to do than try and talk some sense into the girl considers this drapery nightmare any sort of option.

The more freaked out Mona gets about A, the curlier her hair gets and the weirder her outfits become. She was in full-on 80s drag the next day at school...

To be fair, so was everybody else. Clearly it was Messed Up 80s Cocktail Dress Day at Rosewood, but we'll get into that in Part 2. And 3. (OH MY GOD ARIA)

Emily had the (welcome?) return of her former psycho stalker/bully/closeted girlfriend, Crazy Paige!

Paige looks SO much cuter with her bob grown out. Her low-key outfit complements Emily's laidback style. I don't know if I'm shipping Em/Paige because Maya was so creepy last week, or if it's because Paige was so cute this week. But Crazy Eyes pulled out all the stops to woo her gay mentor. Too bad about that unfortunately-timed kiss, though.

Speaking of awkward moments, Spencer gave Aria a run for her money by going after her own older man.

Hey, at least we know this guy's not A, right? 

OK, OK, so Spencer actually put the moves on Dr. Wren, bringing us as close as possible to gratuitous male shirtlessness this week.

He's so cute, you guys. I mean, look how happy he is getting hit on by Drunk!Spencer (but what human being wouldn't have a grin like that if they were in his position?)

Remember she's like, 16 or something, bro. #jailbait

I'm glad Wren brought the cuteness this week, because it was not a very stylish week for the menfolk. Ezra, you broke Aria's heart; then you wear a jacket with patches on the elbows? 

Aria, sweetie? You're better off without him. Seriously. Elbow patches? On a khaki Members Only-ish jacket? Really? I'm horrified not only that he's wearing that, but that someone sewed that, and a store sold it. Ultimately, however, Ezra was the one to purchase it, which tells you everything you need to know about his taste.

Holden can do martial arts, Aria! And he would never wear a jacket like this. #justsayin

Breaking the Code - Part 2 of 3 - PLLs, Jr and Sr

Oh, Emily.

 

The beanie? The stripey sleeveless tee? The shapeless bomber jacket? THE BEANIE?

You can't see in these pics, and the PLL director was smart to show them as little as possible, but Ems paired this look with unlaced army boots flopping around on top of black skinny jeans.

Seriously, lose the beanie, OMG. You're a pretty girl - possibly the most beautiful of all of the PLLs - and you cause all men and women in the vicinity to fall for you. But that doesn't mean it's OK for you to dress like you just got back from Burning Man.

Wait, is she trying to psychically bring Maya back by dressing like her? If so, how to explain when she mistook this girl (and her friend, and their magnificent bitchfaces) for Maya?

Maya wishes she had a bitchface like this girl. I have no problem with Emily pursuing this girl or, for that matter, her blond friend up there either. But Emily seriously needs to step up her style if she wants a chance with Fake!Maya.

This is a good step in the right direction:

Hair, makeup, and necklace? TO DIE FOR. Shirt? Trademark Emily fug. Remember how we hoped living in Hanna's house, style would wear off on Emily like osmosis? Still waiting for that to happen.

Actually, the reverse seems to be happening, as Hanna models an Emily-esque sloppy v-neck:

I mean, it's cute, but it's not really Hanna. Hanna, as we all know, lives and breathes fabulosity.

Her hair this week was BEYOND. Kate called out Hanna's first outfit this week as best of the week, and I can't really argue... yet.

Let's take it piece by piece. Goddess hair and artfully selected jewellery?

Check.

Sexy-yet-age-appropriate loose-fitting tank, and flawless makeup?

Duh. Has Hanna's makeup ever not been flawless? Check.

Burgundy leather riding boots so gorgeous the directors were afraid to show them onscreen for too long, because it would distract everyone from the episode?

NEED THE BOOTS. I think. OK, first I need to see a better shot of the boots, but I'm pretty sure they would make my life (and wardrobe) 10,000x better.

For 80s Cocktail Dress Day at Rosewood High, Hanna chose a cute (if way too short for school) green dress:

Her accessories were, again, flawless.

Does ABC Family have a special warehouse of oversized rings for their stars? Between PLL, The Lying Game and Jane By Design, I imagine a warehouse filled with rings the size of small pies.

BTW, are her earrings made of drill bits? Just wondering.

Her shoes are full-on insane, though:

Is that, like an 8" heel? No wonder she was teetering around all over the place like Lady Gaga in an airport. Rock on, high school student. I'd say she'd be late for class wobbling around the halls in those, but we haven't seen her in a classroom all season, so I guess that's not an issue.

(I'd like to also note Aria's knee socks and leopard-print platforms, visible only in this scene. She was having a leopard print kind of day, but... well, wait for part 3.) (OH MY GOD ARIA)

Spencer's always dressed for school, even when she's doing competitive yoga, wearing pajamas, or attending a fancy gala. Scholastic preppiness is ingrained in her DNA, I'm pretty sure.

This is cute, but a little meh for a Spencer outfit. The top is cute, the skirt is cute, but with the opaque tights? It's surprisingly normal, I guess. I'd expect her to spice this up with some argyle thigh-highs or a giant horse applique on her bag or something.

Things take a turn for the whaa? when she dresses to go meet their (latest) blackmailer, bringing along $2000 to pay him off.

Is that... a sleeveless trench coat? Or are the sleeves like, part of the coat? Help me out, you guys, is she layering two things, or is it all one Coat Of Insanity?

Yeah, that's just one coat. A Motocross/trench jacket of insanity. I'd say she's dressed to distract the blackmailer, but... well... she brought Aria with her. (And we'll get to that in part 3.) (OH MY GOD ARIA)

Mona, Aria and Ashley were bringing some fierce curls this week, but I like Spencer's super-straight 'do:

Her chevron sweater is also pretty sweet. Check out the back detail:

Pretty sweet for a sweater THAT SHE'S TOTALLY GOING TO GET KIDNAPPED AND/OR MURDERED IN! Or, to wear for a sisterly chat with her NOT AT ALL PSYCHOTIC sister. We'll see how next week goes.

Ashley and Ella kind of became honorary PLLs this week, as they both began their own investigations into the identity of "A". Ashley, much like the grown-up Hanna that she is, dressed to kill while doing her own investigations.

This dress looks like perfection from the front...

And from the back, it's GORGEOUS. Like, one of the most gorgeous dresses ever worn on this show. Check it:

The lace inset? The exposed zipper? The perfectly-fitted body con shape? Outfit of the week, folks.

Need I mention her flawless red curls (and is it kind of weird that Mona was rocking that same 'do earlier in the same episode? MONA IS A AND SHE'S COPYING ASHLEY'S HAIR. Maybe?)

Ashley's also teaching a masterclass in bitchfaces. You don't cross Ashley Marin, y'all. She made Officer McSleazy fold like a piece of origami with one carefully raised eyebrow.

Bow. Down.

Breaking the Code - Part 3 of 3 - Stop! Aria Time!

It's Aria time!

Who's that girl in the studded dog collar necklace? It's Aria!

Maybe it's like an artistic statement for how she feels her parents are holding her prisoner, like she's on a leash, sort of thing?

Her hair looks cute in the curly ponytail, although there are so many things going on with this outfit she could have put her hair in Sailor Moon pigtails and it would still match.

 

So, this is a green skull tanktop layered under... a velvet backless vest? What the what? Did she get that from the same store Spencer got her Motocross Trench Coat of Insanity? The store of forgotten clothing items that nobody should ever wear or buy?

If there's one thing we've learned from Pretty Little Liars, it's that a cute leather jacket can distract from even the weirdest outfits.

Oh, God, Spencer's jacket of insanity again. I'm surprised the blackmailer trusted these two looney tunes gave him actual money, and not pieces of paper somebody convinced them was like money, but more fashionable.

Anyway, Aria must have been first in line at the ABC Family ring warehouse because these rings are hella cute:

Pop quiz! You can't decide between two different kinds of patterned nail strips. Do you a) put one pattern on each hand or b) mix them up at random, like you're Mondo and your hands are this week's challenge?

I can't hate on these nails. These are some intense, graphic, fun-loving nails and, if I found those nail strips, I might just mix them up like this myself. But... with the rest of the outfit, it's kind of overkill.

Sorry, what's that? I haven't shown you the rest of the outfit? Ooh, honey. Brace yourself.

"Oh, she's wearing leopard print leggings. That's a bold statement, but... wait, why is her right leg so much darker? Is it a shadow?"

Somewhere in Rosewood, someone is running around with the right leopard-print leg along with Spencer's trenchcoat sleeves and the rest of Aria's vest. Because those are LEGGINGS WITH ONE LEOPARD LEG AND ONE BLACK LEG. What evil leggings company provides such things?

Anyway, this is a good outfit for snooping around strangers' houses in the dark of night, right?

"There's a disembodied leopard-print leg breaking into my house! Call the cops!"

So anyway, Aria's selection for 80s Cocktail Dress Day at Rosewood High was... pointy.

I suppose if you're going to wear a chambray dress with one pointy studded shoulder, it makes sense to tease your hair onto the other shoulder. Better to display your SHOULDER SPIKES OH MY GOD WHAT IS SHE WEARING??

Even her mini silver dreamcatcher shoulder sweeping earrings can't distract from the SHOULDER SPIKES. Is this why Ezra wore the jacket with the elbow patches? Like armour, in case Aria tried to snuggle up against him?

Later on, Aria was crying in bed and Ella was like, "Aria, what's wrong?"

"I chose the wrong shoulder to lean on! My face is impaled to the shoulder of my dress! I'm bleeding from the cheek! Oh, also Ezra broke up with me. Can you help pry me off of my shoulder? THX."

Mini Recap: Breaking the Code

As one romance begins, another one (or two) hangs in the balance. I was the biggest proponent of Spencer and Toby back in the day; but how quickly does a pretty face and English accent change a girl! Spencer and Wren are so utterly and completely adorbs. And Wren is just so effing hottt! Then we have Maya not returning Emily's phone calls...and what the heck happened at the end there? Maya, are you ok? Ezra actually gets the job offer in New Orleans, but Ella is starting to come 'round to the May-December lovebirds. Does this mean Ezria will stay together for ever? 

Drama-rama du jour
Melissa is (and was) way more involved in this A business than we once thought. Why is she hanging out with Garrett? What does she need to tell Spencer? I shouldn't be surprised I'm left with more questions than answers. 

Gratuitous Male Shirtlessness
...Back to zero. There's always next week. 

Best Outfit
Hanna's outfit at left. Darling little top, perfect accessorization and goddess-like hair. She hit the trifecta. 

Best 'A' Message
"You didn't bite the first time but you will." A is getting really crafty. This was attached to Mona's apple at lunch. I really hope she didn't eat it...I wouldn't put it past A to poison it.

Current 'A' Suspect
Melissa is super-duper suspicious but I don't think she's A. I'm still going with Garrett.  

Ann is giving us the scoop on her fave fashions. Look for it Thursday!