Please Do Talk About Me When I'm Gone - Part 1 of 3 - Aria & Hanna

Episode Synopsis: The girls are in final preparations for Alison’s memorial and look back on some more of the happier times they shared, so you know what that means - Alison’s Flashback Camera Filter! History just looks prettier with overexposed lighting. Jason, Alison’s older brother, comes back to town looking pretty damn fine and reaches out to Jenna. Cue the usual dramz. In other news, Hanna discovers Ebay, Aria misses Ezra, Emily and Maya have another not-so-secret make out, and Spencer confronts Jenna is a Harrison Ford-esque manner. Basically it’s just another week for the PLLers.

I shouldn’t have a problem with what Hanna’s wearing, I really shouldn’t. I hate it. Maybe “hate” is too strong. I have an intense aversion to the colour palette that Hanna’s mixing here and it’s only exacerbated by that notebook. Or maybe it’s the lapels that could double as landing pad for small aircraft. Aria is fine but a little more subdued than I prefer. 

Now this is classic Aria style: a t-shirt that implies travel and quirky accessories. If I was only able to give her one piece of advice it would be to actually fasten the suspenders. I know it seems tricky but if you follow me on this, I guarantee you’ll appreciate them in a whole new way. 

“Who me? I’m just a doe-eyed slip of a girl who likes bows. I’m definitely NOT having an affair with my high school English teacher.” - I just noticed that Aria can be such a little tartlet when she wants to. A woman after my own heart...and stealing my thunder. 

Great purse? Check. Bouncy, voluminous hair? Obviously. Sleeves made from the severed wings of a thousand butterflies? Well, maybe. Don’t get me wrong, I love the look and Aria makes it work but is it lace? Are they feathers? Does it come in men’s small?

Eat it. Just eat the pizza. You look like you weigh about the same as a unicorn’s birthday wish. Again, Aria, you’re wearing some mind bending pattern of questionable fabric and yet you still look awesome. EAT THE PIZZA. I hate when television characters leave food on their plates.

Sure, it was a memorial and not a funeral service, but this is just such a stark contrast from The Vampire Diaries funeral-ish thing I wrote about this week. My issue? Nothing to do with clothing but the fact that because Aria is the bookworm of the group, she has to give the most introspective, heartfelt speech. Lady, I was always the bookworm and realizing my drink needs to be replenished three times before last call is about as introspective as I get. 

So, while Spencer, Emily and Aria are struggling to carry a solid steel birdbath in an enormous crate into the Hastings’ house, Hanna is just chilling on the chaise in purple satin. Hmm...yeah, seems about right. 

Sigourney Weaver and Jennifer Love-Hewitt have some serious competition in the Marins. I would buy them so many drinks - and it’s not weird to say that about Hanna because the actress, Ashley Benson, is 21. Don’t judge me.

Girl, I’d be making that face too if I bought a L.A.M.B. purse (or any purse for that matter). Other than poor fashion history, Hanna looks superb right here. Gold and white are always a little too Barbra Streisand meets J-Lo for me but I believe it in this shot. 

There’s a lot of Grecian overtones in Hanna’s wardrobe which I would much rather see on Spencer. What do you call this colour? Melon? Coral? Peach? Actually, who cares, just never buy anything in it ever again. The short-shorts can stay.

Remember that girl from high school who always dressed just two shades over the line everyday? As in, she had an awesome outfit and then, just before she left the house, she added a scarf or hat or whatever to make herself “fashionable”? She’s back.

Aww, what a nice family shot. Pretty, fashionable girls who are super best friends for life. Wow, I would have hated these broads in high school.

Please Do Talk About Me When I'm Gone - Part 2 of 3 - Emily & Spencer

I’m sure you’re thinking to yourself, “Anthony, why do you split the post into these categories?”, and the answer is - I drew names from a hat. Seriously. Usually, I come up with cute little titles and appropriate groupings but I was stumped this week. I’m only one man!

*regains composure* So, let’s talk about Emily. I just can’t help but imagine her eventually wearing a shirt so loose and so Flashdance that it’s basically a toga. When I was in high school, sport fashion seemed to dominate with girls being jealous of how “comfy” other girls looked. I’m so glad I’m gay.

What a lovely first date outfit Emily is wearing. Seriously, I like the denim jacket, the scarf is cute and she’s wearing a low cut shirt that’s flirty but not skanky. Although, when your first date is in the back of dark cinema that’s showing old zombie movies, I probably would have worn something that lends itself to a much easier, less bulky, make out session.

Speaking of Maya, she’s totally cute even when she’s making this ferret face. Girl loves hats almost as much as I do which clearly makes me favour her over other supporting characters.

Popcorn FTW! That’s a lot of popcorn for a date. Just sayin’. However, that is just the right amount of cardigan so high fives on that choice, Maya. I’m torn between Paige and Maya as girlfriend potentials for Emily but Paige does that have that edge of crazy that I’m sadly drawn to.

Don’t give me that look, YOU’RE the one who decided that puffy shoulder sleeves were appropriate in 2011. Seriously, this looks like Pretty Little Liars on the Prairie. We appreciate the effort Em, but next time stick with what you know: draped jersey. 

Wow. Amazing. I’m questioning my sexuality. 

Next up, Spencer Hastings is wearing a lovely muted plaid from the Practical Polly collection. Notice how it fits her frame and yet undermines any body shape she may possess. In her spare time, Ms. Hastings enjoys complex mathematics, reruns of Criminal Minds and eating as much quinoa as she can get her hands on. *if anyone gets the veiled movie reference I threw in there, I will buy you a drink if you're ever in Vancouver and we will giggle incessantly all evening*

Switching gears completely, Spencer goes back to English prep school standbys with this little number. I know there’s a lot happening here but, as you all know, I’m biased towards Spencer. In short, I love this. Don’t stop believin’, Spence.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, be still my beating heart! On one of my first PLL posts, I claimed I was crushing on Aria but this photo just confirms that I’m totally in love with Spencer. Especially in this scene because she lays down the law for Jenna, stopping just short of saying, “Get off my plane!”.

Rounding out her looks for the episode, Spencer pulls out her solemn garb for the memorial. Whoever was the stylist for this episode must really love continuity because including the name bracelet was just a perfect touch. 

Flashback Bonus! And the award for most scantily clad high school student goes to: Spencer Hastings! Extra points for striking this beachy pose that reminds me far too much of “The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood”. Ashely Judd called and she wants her sex appeal back.

Please Do Talk About Me When I'm Gone - Part 3 of 3 - Rosewood Superstars

I promised you flashback filter and I will deliver flashback filter. The last photo in Part Two obviously falls under that category but it never achieves its full potential without Alison.

Bam! There it is, in all of it’s vaseline on the lens glory. The storyline goes that Alison was murdered but, and maybe I’m alone in this, is it possible she tanned to death. I mean, that glow however aided by technology is unnatural. Also, anyone else wish she had a more commanding voice? I like HBICs brassy, like Jessica Walter.

Another trend I’ve noticed is that Ashley constantly mentions that she just brewed some coffee but that it’s not as fresh as it should be. Oh, she also walks with some sort of beverage container, like, all the time. The top is a little too Stevie Nicks for me though. I wonder if she can tell whether thunder really only happens when it rains. 

Wow. Definitely not questioning my sexuality anymore. Hot body in a flashback filter swoon.

Ugh. Jenna. Come on. Are you seriously going to tell me that she wore black all the time even before the accident? AND that she kept the same sunglasses? No, I refuse to believe it. Not in a town where the average teenage girl has steamer trunk devoted to accessories.

Jason DiLaurentis, I do declare you’re down right dashing. Fantastic choice on the patterned tie. Let this be a lesson to you all: ties need not be solid all the time. If you’re wearing a suit, punch it up with a patterned tie or, for the bolder gentleman, a loudly coloured pocket square.

But when you choose that patterned tie, make sure it doesn’t blend in with your shirt. Otherwise, you run the risk of looking like your dad in a rented suit at a wedding reception. Oh hey, Ian - when did you slither back into town?

Finn? Finn from “Glee”? Is that you? Oh no, my mistake, it’s just Sean in the uniform of a typical high school boy. I’m going to stop buttoning my shirts so I can recapture my youth. And date the hottest girl in school.

SEE!??!?! I wasn’t being facetious - even Noel Kahn is rocking the unbuttoned shirt. Side note: Noel Kahn must always be full named. It’s never just Noel - always #NoelKahn.

Poor, poor Lucas. Trying to get all up in Hanna’s grill and ask her on a date. When will you realize she’s sees you as nothing more than a confidant? Maybe once you grow a pair, I guess. “I can haz swag?” - no, Lucas. No you may not.

It’s not that I don’t like Lucas’ character, I really do but I also really wish that he would come out of the closet. Sure there’s not evidence of him being gay other than this hideous periwinkle cardigan but I find him crazy adorable. Even with this cardigan. Which is hideous.

OK - cute explosion. Short shorts, remote controlled boats and, forgive me for being crass, an impressive posterior. Every time I look at this photo, I get that Ja Rule/J-Lo remix of “Ain’t It Funny” stuck in my head; specifically the opening poetic line from Ja Rule that goes, “It must be the ass that got me like this”. I’m so street.

Now we draw ever closer to the Season 2 premiere and I’m not ashamed to say that I have a bottle of Prosecco and some snacks planned for the event. I’m not proud to say that but like I said, I’m also not ashamed. Keep checking back for more PLL Retro Recaps and until next time!