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Pretty Little Liars: No One Here Can Love or Understand Me

Part 1 of 2: We're All In This Together

A week without Ali brings out the suspicions . Could Ali be A? I doubt it, seeing as the Liars are always wrong. I’m also doubtful my heart can handle the fAtale finale, but this week’s episode preps us with some pre-mortem dramz — Spencer has an intense conversation with her laptop, creepy Ezra is actually useful, Toby reveals his inner Oprah, and Mona loves ice cream as much as Aria loves leopard print. But most importantly we finally learn Melissa’s secret — she (unintentionally) killed Bethany Young. Shocker. Although I’m not so sure it was a good idea to record your murder confession… A will obvs have that video by next week.


This week’s episode begins where we left off — the girls finally (FINALLY) have enough sense to go to the police. However, A quickly intervenes with an elaborate video message that ends their momentary lapse of insanity.

Who knew a High School Musical quote could sound so threatening?


I really want to know how A is so well equipped for every scenario. A’s doll making, AV, hacking, and surveillance skills are top notch. This bish is prepared.

The girls are in their same outfits from last week: Hanna wears a custom shredded denim jacket (you can’t buy that kind of cray in a store), Spencer sports her Inspector Gadget costume, and Emily wears a sick leather jacket over an otherwise lackluster (aka boring) outfit.


I can’t give Aria too much flack for the leopard print jacket because, well, I own that exact same LAMB hoodie. Although I admittedly have not worn it since high school, when I wanted to be Gwen Stefani.

Wait. Was I my high school’s version of Aria Montgomery? What a horrifying realization.


Afterwards, Spencer and Emily go out for for decaf coffee and whipped cream. You know Spencer's upset when she can't handle caffeine. Sign of the apocalypse?

But forget cravings for "comfort food" — I have epic boot lust for these girls' footwear. Although the rest of their outfits are questionable, the shoes are perfection.


The next day, Emily turns it up a notch with a form-fitting Topshop dress, leather jacket, thigh highs, and wedge sneakers. Although I’m not fond of the neckline, this look is really great alternative for Em’s usually dull style. She meshes Sporty Spice circa 1990s with modern day American Apparel ads.


Aria also takes a nostaglic trip and decides to mix a cray f21 pleather skirt with an equally cray shredded lion t-shirt. Please reference The Carrie Diaries next time you want to channel the 80’s, darlin. DLD/Sydney can help.


Later that day, poor Hanna had to endure borderline Spoby phone sex. Cadet Toby? No, Spence, no.


Although snaps for the cute burgundy dress and blazer.


Speaking of cute couples, Pailey fans may rejoice — Paige is no longer a creepy stalker and Emily suddenly wants her back!

Her Free People hooded denim jacket doesn't hurt, but what she wears later really shows Emily what she's missing:

Damn gurl! I'd want you back too in that sexy LBD. Hot dress = stalking forgiven. Too bad she’s already found a new lady love. #awkward


Our other favorite stalker gangs up with Emily to review his creepy aerial shots of Ali. This new friendship reminds me of when Emily and Toby were bffs and exchanged mix tapes and secrets. I’m sure Emily/Ezra will have completely forgotten of their brief friendship by the end of this season, too.

I will say that Ezra does look pretty darn adorable in blue plaid, so I kinda understand why Aria took him back. Well, no I don't. But I still like his shirt.


More plaid, this time on Caleb, taking part in a Dr. Toby intervention. I love you Spence, but lately you're been off your judgment game. How is Toby a better sober coach then an actual sober coach?


I mean, I agree with Caleb — who died and made him Oprah? A couple weeks in police academy doesn’t turn you into Dr. Phil. More then likely, Spence just didn’t want to see her former flirtation now that her main squeeze is back from Europe (or wherever the hell Toby disappears to every couple episodes).


Although Spencer’s decision making is shoddy, her style was on point. Luurve this Rachel Roy striped bodycon in fall colors. And she ups the ante with matching blue booties. Preppy perfection with an edge.



Pretty Little Liars: No One Here Can Love or Understand Me

Part 2 of 2: That's So Ravenswood

Melissa displays the epitome of sisterly love this week — murder. Well, accidental murder, since she thought her sister had already killed the Ali/Bethany, except that girl was still alive. For someone so smart, Melissa makes a lot of stupid mistakes. She couldn’t even check for a pulse before burying poor Bethany?

At least Melissa has a legitimate reason to leave the show. Usually characters disappear off PLL like the actors of Downton Abbey.

And is it just me or does every conversation between the Hasting sisters sound like a verbal joust? This week they display their knowledge of Shakespeare. We get it. You’re both smart, preppy, and capable of quoting classic literature and/or making historical references. Pls stop now.


So I gotta admit, I love Hanna’s new grunge style. Our girl looks good in ripped tights and acid wash. This is, however, this is my least loved look of the season. Too much tears, mesh, and asymmetrical weirdness.

BTW: Maybe I missed a storyline but when did Caleb go from homeless chic to cabin-owning farm boy? At least he’s making an attempt at pattern mixing.


Anyway, I much prefer Hanna's casual grunge, such as this UNIF tee and maroon skinnies.


While Hanna and Caleb are working on their Caleb's issues, Mike and Mona rekindle their relationship, much to Aria's dismay. I actually forgot Mike existed for a while. Thanks, PLL writers, for occasionally notifying us that your minor characters haven't disappeared and/or died.

Mona reps her love for ice cream with an ice cream printed sweater from Topshop and ice cream cone earrings. Obvs nobody who wears ice cream prints could be an evil manipulator like A? Right?

Yeah, I’m not buying those crocodile tears either.


While Mona styles her love of desserts, Aria shares her love of the animal kingdom for the umpteenth time this season.

She ruins a perfectly good dress with a gaudy belt and Ken doll scarf in leopard print (of course). But overall the outfit isn’t so bad, I wou – LACEY ANKLE SOCKS??

Why, Aria, why? We are not in kindergarten anymore. In fact, you are at a Hitchcock movie screening, which is sort of the opposite of kindergarten.

Someone seriously needs to restrain this girl from the accessories section of the mall. I’m surprised she didn’t rip the bird necklace and ice cream earrings off Mona as they faced off in the ladies' room.


Hey, remember that time Caleb was on Ravenswood? Did you ever wonder how it was supposed to end? No? That's ok, he gives us a quick recap, which is handy because — lets be honest — 90% of us never watched that show. I include myself in that, and after his confusing story of fireflies and jars and demons, I’m not surprised it was cancelled.


Also, did Hanna just quote Twilight? This show is getting too paranormal for my liking. #nomorecrossoverspls

And thanks ABC Family for the not-so-subtle product placement for the Ouija movie. I won’t be watching that either.

So who do y’all think will fall victim to A next week? And who’s being arrested for murder? And am I horrible person for hoping one of those people will be Ezra? 


Pretty Little Liars: No One Here Can Love or Understand Me

Yes, the episode title really is that long. Anyway, the girls almost make it to the police station to tell the truth or something like it, when A (or Ali?) stops them in their tracks with some fancy AV work. Emily goes to talk to Ezra about his "research" (the Liars are shockingly okay with his stalking hobby) to uncover details about Ali's fauxnapper. Caleb is growing back to drinking in order to forget the Spinoff that Shall Not Be Named. Cadet Toby is brought in for an intervention, and it resulted in some of the most awkward dialogue in television history and something blah blah demons and ouijas and fireflies. I think I speak for all of us when I say that if Ravenswood is never mentioned again, it's one plot hole we'll all gladly leap into. Lady Cop is asking the girls about who killed Bethany Young. Turns out Melissa did the deed by burying Bethany alive to hide the evidence/body when she thought Spencer killed Ali. PLL Pro-tip: always check the body before you bury it.


Only in Rosewood Moment
I'd say only in Rosewood does half the town dress in vintage clothes for a screening of a Hitchcock movie, but I'm pretty sure Starr Hollow did it first and with more gusto. I do think it's only in Rosewood you follow up your suspicions of murder with "do you think he likes me?"  

Random Return of Minor Character
Mike, the most useless character in all of Rosewood, is hanging out with Mona again. Isn’t there a Swiss boarding school they can send him to? And "Cadet" Toby returns from the Police Academy (let's face it, he's been riding the bench this season).

Best Worst outfit
I can't think about the best. I'm too overwhelmed by Aria's decision to wear a cropped and heavily fringed shirt with airbrushed lions on it. That is some serious summer of '88 style. She's just missing high waisted acid wash jeans and high top Reeboks.  

Best "A" msg
We’re all in this together. Act normal bitches. A. The multi-TV video display just a block from the police station was a nice touch. 

Current A Team Suspect
Things are pointing towards Ali, but with two and a half seasons to go, I say something smells fishy and that something is a red herring. (I do think Ali's an evil bitch. I just don't think she's the one and only A). 

Check back on Friday for Bianca's full recap. 


Pretty Little Liars: A Dark Ali

Part 1 of 2: So Many Questionable Choices

I know it would be ridiculously inconvenient to go to the cops at this point, but you guys? Spencer is right. It's time to go to the cops. Because Ali's lies are getting messy. It's spaghetti lies. She's throwing them at the wall to see if they stick. And  I'm also starting to get concerned about the lies she's telling us — because those were totally flashback lies! Rude. Otherwise, Hanna is getting her life on track through healthy living, auditions for a musical, convincing Caleb to shave, and spying on the police with Mona. Here's hoping she starts to wash her hair again. And Melissa is all "blah blah protecting you blah blah". Which, you know, nice sentiment, but when you're a grown-ass lady in cohoots with one high schooler to take down another, it's time to step back and question your life choices. Aria's takeaway from her mom's plot hole of a relationship is, "maybe I should give my stalker another chance?" Which, okay, we'll just replace Hanna's Afterschool Special with a Lifetime Movie. This show. I can't even this season. At least they have really pretty hair and cute boots.


So, Lady Cop tries to get Ali identify her fauxnapper, and Ali starts having the flashbacks to her traumatic years on the road as a teen hobo. 


Because You go Vivian Darkbloom on us and buy your fauxnapper a plane ticket and give him a fake passport?


This is just getting silly. So is the wardrobe to make her look all meek and innocent.

Girlfriend needs to go shopping. I think even her dad is trying to say, "Ali honey, it's cool. We have money. Let's get you something that isn't four seasons old to wear." I mean, the pink and green is cute, but the innocent act is getting old. I need her to have a Mona Moment where she walks into school with killer shoes to announce that the bitch is back. This 50 shades of rose is killing me. 

Even the interior decorating is just too much. Does she have a pink princess phone in there as well?


Worse still is when she goes Little House on the Philadelphia Main Line on us. 

What fresh hell is this? I thought going country was Aria's side gig?

"Oh, don't mind me, Ems...I'm just going to blend into my mom's ornate furniture." If I wanted to see denim and flowy floral numbers, I'd re-watch Nashville on Netflix (which actually isn't the worst idea. Connie Britton is the only human with hair better than the Liars). The fitted denim jacket is pretty cute, tho. 


While I applaud Hanna's decision to go clean living after a week of binge drinking, I'm kind of over her ode to my teenage years. 

I think Jordan Catalano wants his shirts back. I am happy that her lifestyle makeover is going to include this guy.

The facial hair was so much bad news bears. It was almost as annoying as his contant reference to The Spinoff That Shall Not Be Named. Although, the removal of the chin puke isn't a huge improvement since he still looks like he's wearing a wig and I don't even know what this shirt is about. 

Is it a velvet collar on a buttoned up denim shirt? Is that a thing? Why is it another colour? Why is every button buttoned? So many questions and not enough answers on this show. 


So, I haven't met many (okay, any) gunshot victims in my life, so correct me if I'm wrong. But has Ezra bounced back really quickly from a gunshot to the stomach at close range, or is it just me?

He's making plans to go on a bike ride? Dude. Just rest and take it easy for few weeks. Someone shot you in the guts. That has got to take some time to heal. Right? 


And I can't think of any reason why he should be wearing all the shades of brown ever invented. 

Is he trying to be sneaky and blend into the walls of the coffee shop? Because it almost worked until he decided to go and threaten a teenaged girl. (Ok, an evil, lying teenaged girl. But still — a teenager.)


Which, let's take this moment to appreciate the first appropriate parent reaction to Ezra in quite some time.  

Well done, Mr. DiLaurentis. I bet you'd be really pissed if you knew he was dating your daughter when she was 14. But I'll take this for now. 


And the most questionable life choice of the week? Spencer channeling Carmen Sandiago or a German spy. 

Whaaaaat is happening? Why are there no sleeves? And why is she wearing a tie with this? And how is this ever considered "after school wear"? (I mean, my after work clothes usually consist of leggings as pants and a sweatshirt. But that's just me.)  I feel like the whole time she wears this, other characters are trying to convince her she's crazy.


That includes the formerly drunk Hanna who didn't wash her hair, and her boyfriend of questionable sartorial taste. 

They're all, "Spence, we love you, but come on. You're taking the spy thing too far." And they would be right. Like, when the guy with that facial hair who quit high school questions you? 

Yeah, that's a sign your leather trench has gone too far. 


Even Aria, who committed to wearing no less than three animal prints this episode is all, "seriously? A sleeveless trench? that's where we're going now?" 

I think Spencer tries to convince her it's a thing by googling "sleeveless trench". 

Or maybe she just pulled up photos from when Ezria was going strong as a reminder that maybe people in glass houses shouldn't throw rocks at people wearing sleeveless trenchcoats. 


Pretty Little Liars: A Dark Ali

Part 2 of 2: Upping the Bootie Game


So, there were a lot of questionable moments this week. And there were some so-so moments we've yet to talk about. But footwear wise, this week was 100% solid. Let's begin.

Overall, we open with half of the Liars making really solid fashion choices. While I'm not down with Hanna's committment to grunge, I am SO down with Spencer's preppy nod to punk with studded shoulders and plaid pants. And Aria's pastels under a big coat are looking adorable.


And Emily? I was feeling a little disappointed that after last week's stellar cardigan she had dropped the ball by going with pink plaid and skinny jeans, like she hasn't already done that a million times before. And then lo! I got a long shot of her outfit.

Cropped grey skinnies paired with excellent booties? Well played, Ems. Well played. You are forgiven for the pink plaid and plain tee. From the waist down, you are looking super cute today.


Sadly, only to be outdone by Spencer. And I apologize that I couldn't get a better screenshot (I tried. You have no idea how hard I tried).

The gorgeous plaid pants are also cropped and paired with cute booties! A little too twinsies best-friendsies that you both wore cropped pants with booties, but I'm going to let this slide since I like your outfits so much. I will not, however, give Spencer a pass on this "top secret hiding place".

Seriously? You're up against some kind of omnipotent stalker who has the ability to hack into your car's GPS system and you think hiding things under the cushion in your chair is going to do it? Serves you right if Melissa stole it and gave it to the Mystery Video Dude.


Speaking of Melissa, this was an off week for her. The dress was kind of blue and well, blue.

I bet she's wearing nude heels with that. Remember when they broke into her closet a few season ago and it was like a magical Sutton-esque closet? (Pour one on the ground for the loss of that magical closet.) Where did all of that go? Did she leave it in London? Also, what time of year is it in Rosewood? I can never tell if it's fall or summer. This could be a cute summer dress, but Spencer is in full back to school style.


And then there was Melissa's t-shirt. 

It was...cute. I guess. A trench (with sleeves) helped a little.

I wonder what's on that tape? I bet she confesses all kinds of things right before A steals the tape and hacks into the plane's flight plan and sends them off to the Lost island. Or maybe a Revenge-style plane crash where everyone actually survives. 


But back to the booties. Because while Mona was serioulsy bordering on season one Aria style leggings with this look: 

She rescued it with cute cut-out platform wedges.

Which are basically the most impractical shoe ever made, but why the hell not.


Echoing Mona's cut-out shoe style is Hanna's adorable booties. 

I feel like she's trying again. It gives me hope that we'll soon see the Hanna we know and love in outrageous colours and completely inappropriate school attire and with hair that's clean and shiny. The one thing I'm not buying, though, is Mona's bag. Does the props department really think we'd believe she would pair a jewel toned croc-imprinted tote with neon lime coloured leggings? Bitch, please. She would never. 

I'm right there with you Hanna. That was almost as big a props faux pas as the Downton Abbey folks leaving a water bottle on the mantle. 


Sadly, the Montgomery household was not full of adorable booties. It was a home of sadness and animal prints, neither of which fit neatly into my categories for this episode's recaps. Forgive me. 

I was kind of excited to see Ella Montgomery out of her uniform of blazers this week, even if it's because she's all sad trombone over losing Zack.

A hoodie and a t-shirt are totally acceptable breakup wear. Especially when she has to sit around and cancel her wedding and think of happier times before her really nice pastry-baking boyfriend fell into a plot hole.

Good times. 


She snapped out of the funk pretty fast though, because she was back in flowy blazers before the episode was out, and giving her daughter inappropriate advice about Ezra.

I guess she didn't realize her former co-worker was also her daughter's stalker and ex-boyfriend. 


And the pastels I mentioned on Aria earlier? Adorable and summery in a geometric colour block.

Love it. Of course, because she's Aria — or because the costume department has a running gag going on how many times in one episode they can put an animal print on Lucy Hale — she pairs it with an animal print belt.

I don't love the pairing, but I'll let it go. It's acceptable. I just wish she had gone with a more interesting shoe. 

Don't get me wrong, they're cute. They're just not amazing and I think we all know Aria can do better than that. 


No matter, she was at peak animal print this week. It started with the belt, which was subtle. And then progressed to a t-shirt.

Cute enough, with some studding on the front (because she can't do casual wear without some kind of studs on it) and a bit of asymmetry at the bottom. I'm not in love with the idea of pairing it with salmon coloured denim, but it's not her worst fashion crime ever.


And then we move on to full on faux-fur leopard print.

You might say to yourself, "wow Aria, you've really pushed the limits of leopard print this week!" when you got to the third item. But no. That wasn't enough. She had to do leopard print on leopard print to really drive home the idea. 

Because of course she did. 


And finally, our clue of the week:

Maybe reader Lindsay is right — A isn't doing laundry, A is packing to go on a trip and will need a candy striper uniform and a few extra pairs of gloves and a spare hoodie. Although, A should know that rolling it up instead of folding it frees up way more space in your luggage for extra gear you need to traumatize a group of teenaged girls.