Part 1 of 3: A is for Almost Sorta Maybe Answers
FINALLY. THE EPISODE WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR. Promises of answers, reveals and a whole lot of dramz. Unfortunately, we've all been through this before and when PLL promises answers, well...it just means twice as many questions. But no matter, we'll take what we can get. We find out that CeCe and Mrs. DiLaurentis are defs in cahoots, Melissa knows who killed the girl in the grave and oh, A does us all a favor and shoots Ezra. Ali finally reveals what happened the night of her "murder," which exonerates a guilt-ridden Spencer and incriminates Mrs. DiLaurentis who we find out BURIED HER DAUGHTER ALIVE. And on top of that, the girls don't even get ONE costume change. Ugh, and we thought it couldn't get any worse...
Just to refresh you all, we ended the last episode in true PLL fashion with a cliffhanger: "What are YOU doing here?"
To which, we're answered in true PLL fashion with a secondary character we could absolutely care less about:
GODDAMNIT NOEL KAHN! DIDN'T WE GET RID OF YOU LAST SEASON?! (and the season before that, and the season before that) Also, Noel, stop with the denim on denim. You're not Kanye.
Does anyone even remember who this guy is except for the fact that he's dated basically ever single girl on this show? (Don't believe me? Count 'em: Aria, Jenna, Mona, Shauna)
Looks like we all probably could've taken a bathroom break during the first 5 minutes, because Noel finally leaves and gives us the real reveal:
Considering Ali's hair and makeup both look fantastic, it seems a little odd to stop short at her wardrobe. Sure, she's in hiding but hasn't she been in hiding for the ENTIRE SHOW??? Therefore, what's with the drab oversized jacket, Ali???
Ignoring the fact that Ali seriously does NOT deserve to be hugged (let's not forget their lives have been ruined and tortured because of her very existence), we let her have her moment with the girls but most importantly with Emily, who seems to have forgotten all about her lesbian ex-lover, Paige.
That's a tight grip there, Emily.
Ali promises to reveal what really happened the night she "died," and if they don't figure out who A is that night, she has to leave...again. Which means, season 5 is basically just going to be like season 1 all over again. Please, Dear God, no.
We return to Rosewood where Officer Holbrook has rounded up every potential suspect that could know about Alison and the Girls, including our favorite on-and-off secondary character, CeCe Drake.
Oh my God, CeCe, I love your shirt! Where did you get it???
This is the ugliest f-ing top I've ever seen.
(Also, it is EXTREMELY important to note that she is not wearing one lick of makeup, which is basically like not breathing air for Rosewood.)
Luckily for her, she didn't actually pick out her own top. THIS IS THE SAME TOP ASHLEY MARIN FINDS IN ALI'S ROOM IN LAST WEEK'S EPISODE.
REVEAL #1: CECE WAS (MOST LIKELY) THE GIRL IN THE WOODS WHOM JESSICA DROPPED OFF THE BAG OF CLOTHES FOR.
Wait, is this why CeCe's clothes are so terrible?
Fortunately for us, Officer Holbrook most definitely does not have a WASP-y mom dropping off clothes for him in the woods.
Sure, he might only speak exclusively on one side of his mouth, but when he wears a suit, DAMN does he wear a suit!
We're back to Ali starting from the beginning. The VERY beginning. HILTON HEAD beginning.
Like THIS GUY beginning.
Seriously, if they replaced this actor (like they did Toby), I probably wouldn't have even batted an eyelash.
It's revealed that Melissa goes down to Hilton Head to confront Ian on his affair with Ali.
I've always kind of been up-and-down with Melissa's wardrobe. Sometimes, she really nails it and sometimes I feel like she throws on a massive belt or a patterned scarf and calls it a day.
Ali hears Ian belittle their relationship, which seems like the dumbest move ever considering Ali is a) probably a sociopath, b) definitely an emotionally unstable teenage girl and c) for damn sure in the NEXT ROOM.
I think Ali looks super cute in this flutter sleeve dress and I LOVE HER HAIR. #whatelseisnew
Is Ali going to stand for it? Nope! A la Spencer Hastings, Ali gets on Ian's not password-protected computer and steals all his NAT video files to blackmail whoever A is.
Which are pretty easy to find because they're in a folder called VIDEOS and every file is clearly labeled (i.e. JENNA & TOBY.mov).
So convenient, thanks Ian!!! (Seriously, password-protect your shit, man)