Jane By Design: The Bonus Check

Y’all, we’re all through with Working Girl  Showgirls Jane By Design until next season! Since we added JBD to our lineup, I’ve been waiting for the big reveal that Jane is leading a double life as the most responsible/productive high school student evar /slash/ up-and-coming New York City fashion designer. That isn’t very insightful because let’s face, that’s been the whole premise of this show, but I was craving a throwdown with Grey and Jane. Instead, Grey actually cracked a smile for Jane, Billy replaced Nick in the play and had a public make out sesh with Zoe, Ben and Rita are back on, and Jeremy is coming back to NYC with India not far behind. As for our leading lady, Jane scored some bonus check action, used it to save the play, got busted, broke up with Eli and yes, was found out by Grey. All in all, a lot of loose ends to tie up in 30-ish minutes.

After the unsupervised rager, Rita decided to move in with Jane until they could figure out a solution to the best problem ever. But then Ben came back and was all, “Babe, I love you”, and Rita was all “Most def”. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone work the prim Guidance Counsellor look like our girl. She is just taking it to the bank.

Across the pond, Jeremy was working his own look - dapper dandy barkeep. You know, in this environment, I find him incredibly attractive. I was never Jeremy’s most ardent fan, but a British piece who seems rough around the edges is definitely swoon worthy. The trip back home seems to have quelled his need to mix patterns that should never be in the same room together. 

Boy has several followers outside of myself, including Miss Thing right here. India’s got that cold, icy, frigid, “I live every day as if it were Fashion Week and I don’t have press credentials” demeanour, but deep down she just wants her man back.

Speaking of herself, India was ferocious at Donovan Decker. How do you put a camel blazer over? Just rip open the back and corset-stitch it with some leather laces. Wide lapels are showing professionalism in the front, and the back is showing personality to the end. India always knows how to deliver the urban dominatrix look.

Maybe it was the fierce blazer that made Grey reconsider India’s firing. ‘Cause we all know that queen doesn’t make mistakes. There were several looks this week that Grey showed and you know, I really enjoyed them. But we all love the white dress, right? Accompanied by major shoes, I died over the pockets and solid black belt. Perfectly placed to add dimensions to the dress.

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At Whitemarsh High, Amanda’s play was sort of crumbling around her. The costumes were ruined, her lighting design was done, and people kept reminding her she wasn’t in the play. Rude. She didn’t give us anything over the top this week (except for some facial expression), but she clearly loves pink and blue tones. The dresses are cute but overall, unremarkable.

Finally, this week I can say in full honesty that I like Billy and Zoe as a couple. Complimentary styles, era blending and all-around working happened. Maybe it’s because we’re celebrating Pride Week in Vancouver, but I’m loving Billy’s animal print pants. They’re such a statement and he wears them so effortlessly. Zoe’s “Sandy in Grease meets Sid & Nancy” biker gear is so unbearably hot. Pyramid studs? Yes gurl, yes.

Even on stage they’re adorable. Jane’s designs for the costumes were pretty stunning. The Cinderella dress pictured is a lovely mix of Shakespearean costuming and modern design. But could we get a little less soft focus here? I feel like I’m watching a Barbra Walters Christmas special.

Here’s something you may or may not know about me - I’m obsessed with the movie “Showgirls”. In fact, hearing it mentioned this week actually made me scream. I have to totally give the writer a round of golf claps for including a reference to one of my all time favourite scenes in which Julie decides to take out Annie by throwing some beads on the stage. I’d put in an animated GIF, but none are SFW. So while the Stepsisters outfits weren’t all that during the “Showgirls” scene, their costume dresses were everything. 

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Alright, it’s time to show off Miss Jane Quimby for the last time this season. When we first spot her, she’s in London in a very chic black ensemble. There’s a lot of industrial inspiration here with the leather and metal necklace. And look at those ova’ shoes. Jane knows how to make it work in London.

In fact, our girl had a penchant for black this week. Sure, the coat seems more foresty green when frozen, but I swore it was a black on black number. At any rate, the floppy lapel look seems to be in at Donovan Decker. And while she’s showing off her 5Gs to Billy at home, Jane’s sparkling something nice in this sequin top.

Now, we’ve come to expect a lot from Jane, so I won’t go off on this outfit. But I’m not throwing it some love either. Whether it’s the schlubby t-shirt that she may have picked up at a children’s store, or the cupcake styled skirt, I don’t feel this look. She looks bunchy and tired - it’s hardly flattering after seeing her so fierce in London. Of course, it could also be the pink and black combo. It’s so done, gurl. Unless you’re wearing “Exc!amation” fragrance, stop combining these two.

Is someone taking inspiration from Grey’s racing stripe frock in the opening credits? Are we working with half tracksuit, half waitress skirt from a 50s diner? The skirt could be fine without that top, which looks to be flame resistant in case you were wondering. Jane, you’re probably the most adorable NASCAR driver I’ve ever seen! But hey, you know how to work it and your costumes were stunning. 

More Alexander Wang...

In the end, everyone’s life seemed to wrap up nicely. Ben/Rita, Billy/Zoe, Jeremy/India all shacked up and Jane saved the day. But yeah, that scene we were craving with her and Grey and the “reveal”? It was lackluster. I appreciate a cliffhanger but give me something more catty than, “...Jane?”.

Jane by Design: The Sleepover

This week on Home Alone   Jane by Design, our hero whirligigs off to London to save Donovan Decker by fetching Jeremy from an uncertain fate of life working in his uncle's pub, or whatever it is he's going to do now that his crisis of conscience has brought him to this side of the pond. Meanwhile, Jane almost lives the life of a normal teen by having sleepovers with her bestie and planning a no parents party. Except that her bestie's girlfriend is getting her panties in a knot over the whole sleepover business because Jane gets in the way of all Billy's relationships. Jane also gets in the way of her own and she blows off Eli who does the totally natural thing to do in such a situation: HE SLEEPS WITH INDIA. Looks like Billy patched things up with Zoe, but we'll have to wait to see what happens with Jeremy and the fall out over Eli plus India up in a tree, having T-O-T-A-L-S-E-X.

This may be the episode where Jane most closely resembles a normal teenage girl. Sure she skips her own party to whizz off to London to save the day, but there wasn't one tutu in sight and she's planning a party because that is what you do when you have zero supervision.

So I think that's a start on the road of being 16-going-on-17 rather than 16-going-on-29. 

Of all the jammies in all the magic closets, Jane goes for sweats. Y'all, this is a moment. Because Jane usually does super cute for bedtime fashions.

But what really got me? What she wore to school that same day.

I know. I. Know. You're probably like, well, that Marc by Marc Jacobs top is super cute, but that's what she wore before the tutu and seven inch wedges and more accessories. But it's not. She wore that with jeans. Really sweet pale blue wide legged jeans, but still, jeans. It's so...what's the word? ...tame. 

Of course, it's not like she rolls that way the entire episode. If that were the case, we'd all bail and go watch Bunheads instead. No, Jane brings the crazy back by dressing like a drunk pre-schooler.

There are ruffles and multi-coloured sequins and I'm pretty sure I owned this in pink in 1983. I thought it was bitchin', but I was also five, so you probably shouldn't take my word for it.

And just when you think that can't even possibly get remotely crazier, the drunk toddler gets into the coffee and the sugar and adds a hat.

I think it's naptime for Janie-poo. Toss the girl a sedative and burn that dress while she sleeps. I'd rather see one of her signature casual tutus. 

Back in her mostly normal teenage life, Harper - who is totes my favourite mean girl. She's kicks Lulu ass - is a preppy dream come true.

The metal ribbon bow pendant! Love! And pretty cute in the blazer.

I love that bows are her jam for this episode, because she has one on her ring as well.

Why so glum Harper? Is it because the upper half of your outfit totally trumped the lower half?

More Old Navy...

Yeesh. The flower pants and booties are not working with that blazer. You've got to commit to one look or the other Harper, sweetie. 

I think one of the key problems to Billy's relationship with Zoe, aside from being butt-crazy in love with Jane, is their matchy outfits and his love of accessories. Let's examine shall we. Exhibit A: Zoe.

Exhibit B: Billy

Both are mostly working the leather and the hoodie, but Billy has about four necklaces, three bracklets, and two piercings more than Zoe. You can't date a guy who likes to accessorize more than you. It's why Jane + Billy work. Jane is the only human on the planet (short of Gossip Girl's Vanessa Abrams) who wears more accessories than Billy. 

While I'm sort of bored by Zoe's look, I'm super bored by Rita Shaw. 

Oh honey, what? Why does the costume department do this to you? I know you're the guidance counsellor, but you don't need to be so sad sack about. Brighten that blue! Wear a cuter cut! Something! Anything! You're smarter than that sweater. I know you are. Look how dubious you are of Jane and Billy. You have no reason to doubt them. Well, other than they've been using sound effects in the bathroom:

At the Donovan Decker officers, they're panicking over the new drapes and cushion covers.

I mean, menswear line for Harrods. I got a little confused by the fabric choices. It looks like something I was considering for my living room throw cushions.

So hey, remember that show Swingtown? The one where a bunch of couples are all swingers in the 1970s? It's okay if you don't, because Gray does. Or she's trying to bring back that swinging 70s style.

I'm sure no one at Donovan Decker approves, but at least Eli is brave enough to give her the side-eye head tilt.

Actually, India's quite happy to throw judgement at them both.

How does girlfriend do it day-in day-out? She's killing it in a leather Rag & Bone dress and a crazy bananapants awesome statement necklace, while her co-workers are dressed in beige denim jackets or look like they're headed to a key party in 1974. Rough life India. Which is why I'm going to give you a pass for this totally unexpected moment:

But Eli? No. Not even. That's a total d-bag move for two reasons:
1. you are technically seeing Jane, even if she is a bit standoffish. And you were supposed to be a nice guy.
2. you had red sheets on your bed. Coincidence? Or are you always prepared for sexytimes at home?

Either way, your charm ran out hard, Eli.

Party time in the suburbs! It's like a Katy Perry video! But with a Carly Rae Jepsen soundtrack! Funsies! Right down to the suspenders Billy wears.

Also, snaps to Harper for doing casual better than her school outfit.

The bright blue jeans with the red stripes are ubercute. And perfect for a Friday night party.

Unlike your friend:

White lace? This isn't a church picnic. This is a no parents, get schmasted and get into the drama club costumes kind of party. Just look at Billy! He's got rings and bracelets! Although, seriously Billy? Still more accessories than your girlfriend? You've got to check that.

You should maybe ask about the odd scarf she's wearing, because Zoe is looking kind of like she's just stepped off the set of Vampire Diaries.

If she asks for Senor Tequila with a vervain chaser, then you've got some serious Ian Sommerhalder problems on your hands. And as cute as you are, you can't win that fight. 

Also, what is that in the background? Is some extra wearing a tutu? 

No! Just Harper getting into the costumes. We really need to do a full Who Wore it Better:

Jane, Zoe or Harper? Y'all decide. 

Looks like Zoe and Billy made up. Which is good for them as a couple, but bad for Zoe's walk of shame. Because leather dress at 10am screams walk of shame. You can't hide that. Of course, with the arrival of Rita Shaw, Zoe and Billy have bigger problems.

Yeah. Not sure how you hide the remains of the party. Or the teach the girlfriend the plan in two seconds or less. Which probably explains the likely tweet from Zoe's account that day:

@ZoeBoringPants: That moment where you realize you've somehow gotten involved in your boyfriend and his bestie's hairbrained scheme. #awkward #fml #yolo

Next tweet would go a little something like this: That moment where your guidance counsellor walks in on you in a bathroom with a loofah and a leather dress. #wtf #seriously #fml

At least Rita Shaw took my advice on colour.

That blouse is so much cuter on her, what with the bright hue and the kicky bow at the collar. I like the cream jacket. You're killing Saturday morning. More of this Rita Shaw, less of that boring blue sweater from earlier, please.

On the other side of the pond, Jeremy is still feeling the guilt over being a total traitor to his boss and getting his co-worker with benefits fired.

Oh hey girl hey, unemployment is agreeing with you! Look at you with no vest! Or bow tie! And a five o'clock shadow! We could use more of this from you. 

Jane's London Look is decidedly more dressed up. But then, it is Jane.

While I don't believe she gets service in the tube, I do like the leather jacket and metal necklace.

The cage sandals are a bit much to be traipsing around the city based on vague clues from India, but what's an adventure with Jane without completely impractical footwear?

She does find him at a pub named after some animal. Fox and Bagel maybe? Whatevs. It's all British and they're watching soccer football and she's ordering a Shirley Temple (girlfriend needs a better mocktail. Or an actual cocktail. Because from what I've seen on Coronation Street and read on Wikipedia, she can legally get a drink if an adult orders one for her with a meal. Correct me if I'm wrong, my sources are dubious).

And for a moment, a fleeting moment, I thought Jeremy was chilling at the Fox and Bagel in a sweet polo. Something Band of Outsiders maybe.

But oh no! Spoke too soon!

He's there in a vest. Of course he is.

He's also tending bar in what appears to be a bespoke suit. Check out the jacket he adds when he decides to take off from the bar:

Now Jeremy, the suit does look good, but it's not the most practical choice for bartending. You don't want Guinness or all over the front of that. Or Jane's grenadine, for that matter.

Jane By Design: The Backup Dress

It was just another week for the gang of The Devil Wears Prada  Raising Helen Jane By Design. If you’re a fan of Project Runway, chances are you were pumped for this episode. And then slightly disappointed when Nina Garcia was barely featured. At any rate, this season’s storyline skyrocketed forward with Kate moving back to Colorado with Dakota, Ben taking off to play minor league baseball, as well as Jane and Eli sharing their first kiss, all culminating in a Ferris Bueller like dance scene when Jane realizes she’s living on her own. I’ll admit this girl is far more responsible than I was in high school (or am now, for that matter), but I’ve got a feeling this is going to blow up soon. Unless the folks at ABC Family want kids to believe it’s possible to balance school, a career and a social life while finding time to make your own clothes and not have a nervous breakdown before you’re legal in every state.

Jane starts this episode off in an adorable summery sundress, paired with some slingback zebra-stripe heels. All in all, another solid choice by everyone’s favourite assistant. Green is a great complementary colour for yellow and that polished stone necklace she’s rocking is such great addition to, let’s be honest, a really simple outfit.

Of course this is the Jane we all know and love. An explosion of fabrics and textures? Totally suitable for a first date at one of the nicest restaurants in NYC. Girl, sequins on that level belong in a club or on a drag queen. Or on a high school stage for a production of “Cinderella”... I guess. Can anyone explain Jane’s obsession with tulle? 

There are not enough jazz hands in the world to disguise the drabness your dress is throwing down. Without the embellishment, it would be a cute (if plain) black dress. But I just can’t get past that bow. What is happening there? Do not open until forever. 

At least the Quimby sense of style improves with each generation. Kate’s outfits aren’t horrible, but they’re just shy of being drop dead. The printed dress with the double belt (which y’all know I can’t stand) heads just south of Cougar On Vacation. Too “Desperate Housewives” and not enough “Revenge”.

Speaking of housewives that are desperate, did they recycle this scene with Kate and Dakota? Because I swear, in the 4 episodes of DH that I watched during its run, I saw Teri Hatcher do this pose like, eleven times.

In this case, the apple did fall far from the tree. And rolled down the hill into another orchard. Jane and Eli are pretty much the cutest couple on JBD. They’re both a little awkward, totally earnest, and look amazing in simple clothing. Jane is seriously hot in that ivory number from Donovan Decker but remember y’all, that’s Nina’s backup dress. Although her assistant was pretty laissez-faire about it, Nina never needs the backup. Unless...

BOOM GOES THE RED WINE. When I was head over heels for Project Runway, my friend Danny and I dreamed up potential spin-offs and our favourite was one starring Ms. Garcia called “Nina Garcia Insults You”. Basically, she would sit in a very lavish chair looking fierce, and a conveyor belt would file people in one by one as Nina hurled insults at them. If this wasn’t an ABC Family program, I can guarantee she would have turned the air blue around that clumsy waiter.

Luckily, Jane was wearing the backup dress one table over. And, thanks to a well placed tablecloth and Eli’s blazer, she was able to do a quick costume change in the restroom. Because that’s totally feasible in the NYC of JBD.

Hey, I'd be stoked on myself if I could pull that shit off.

On the other side of the episode, Rita was throwing shade all over Whitemarsh High. Girl, this beige-on-beige with a pop of beige does entitle you to that much side-eye.

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Meanwhile, Amanda is pulling out all the stops to nail Ben. Including a candlelight seduction session in his office. She’s a pretty girl, but at least Rita’s outfit was stylish. This hot pink blazer/blue top combo puts out a vibe that’s over the top. But I guess the point of her character is to try too hard.

Let’s remember that Rita and Amanda are fighting over this guy:

But he is a good brother to Jane. And a snappy dresser, in my opinion. Speaking as a man who wears plaid like there’s going to be a shortage tomorrow, I love dressing it up with a tie. You get all the benefits and comfort of looking casual while maintaining a semblance of professionalism.

What's this, Janie? No tutus for school? I don't even know who you are anymore.

Casual Jackets
Boots

So, Ben got a second chance at his baseball career and turns out he’s still really good. Yay! But that means he’s got to leave, which sucks for Rita and Jane. More so for Rita, who won’t have an adorable piece to show off. Oh well, her tiger-stripe top was a nice departure – even if it’s still in the earth tone region.

I know there are throngs of girls and boys out there who love Billy, but I just can’t get behind his style. Anyone else feel like they're watching a 2004 Avril Lavigne video? That Sk8rBoi look just never hit for me. Believe me, I tried. There are some tragic photos of me rocking suspenders in university; it was phase. Billy has better options than letting his skinny suspenders and bandanna hang out of his pants. Frankly, the dog tags would have been enough.

There’s nothing especially remarkable about Zoe and Nick this week. But their “chemistry” on stage was a driving plot point and ended up causing Billy and Zoe to split. Hashtag Dramz.

Carter, you just keep doing what you do, boo. (I really hope that shirt on the right is paisley.)

Oh hey, Grey! Yes, I love your industrial jewelry. No, it’s not too much. You’re Grey Chandler Murray. The belt? Um... I can live with it. You need some definition on a dress like that. What’s that? You couldn’t give a toss about my opinion? OK, fine.

There’s rarely an opportunity for male shirtlessness on JBD, but I did find some scruffy eye candy this week. Dakota, I’d love to see you after a few personality drinks. He dresses in formal carpenter wear and has a great beard – I’m sold. I’ll just have to get past the fact his name reminds me of an 8-year old girl.