This week on Home Alone Jane by Design, our hero whirligigs off to London to save Donovan Decker by fetching Jeremy from an uncertain fate of life working in his uncle's pub, or whatever it is he's going to do now that his crisis of conscience has brought him to this side of the pond. Meanwhile, Jane almost lives the life of a normal teen by having sleepovers with her bestie and planning a no parents party. Except that her bestie's girlfriend is getting her panties in a knot over the whole sleepover business because Jane gets in the way of all Billy's relationships. Jane also gets in the way of her own and she blows off Eli who does the totally natural thing to do in such a situation: HE SLEEPS WITH INDIA. Looks like Billy patched things up with Zoe, but we'll have to wait to see what happens with Jeremy and the fall out over Eli plus India up in a tree, having T-O-T-A-L-S-E-X.
This may be the episode where Jane most closely resembles a normal teenage girl. Sure she skips her own party to whizz off to London to save the day, but there wasn't one tutu in sight and she's planning a party because that is what you do when you have zero supervision.
So I think that's a start on the road of being 16-going-on-17 rather than 16-going-on-29.
Of all the jammies in all the magic closets, Jane goes for sweats. Y'all, this is a moment. Because Jane usually does super cute for bedtime fashions.
But what really got me? What she wore to school that same day.
I know. I. Know. You're probably like, well, that Marc by Marc Jacobs top is super cute, but that's what she wore before the tutu and seven inch wedges and more accessories. But it's not. She wore that with jeans. Really sweet pale blue wide legged jeans, but still, jeans. It's so...what's the word? ...tame.
Of course, it's not like she rolls that way the entire episode. If that were the case, we'd all bail and go watch Bunheads instead. No, Jane brings the crazy back by dressing like a drunk pre-schooler.
There are ruffles and multi-coloured sequins and I'm pretty sure I owned this in pink in 1983. I thought it was bitchin', but I was also five, so you probably shouldn't take my word for it.
And just when you think that can't even possibly get remotely crazier, the drunk toddler gets into the coffee and the sugar and adds a hat.
I think it's naptime for Janie-poo. Toss the girl a sedative and burn that dress while she sleeps. I'd rather see one of her signature casual tutus.
Back in her mostly normal teenage life, Harper - who is totes my favourite mean girl. She's kicks Lulu ass - is a preppy dream come true.
The metal ribbon bow pendant! Love! And pretty cute in the blazer.
I love that bows are her jam for this episode, because she has one on her ring as well.
Why so glum Harper? Is it because the upper half of your outfit totally trumped the lower half?
Yeesh. The flower pants and booties are not working with that blazer. You've got to commit to one look or the other Harper, sweetie.
I think one of the key problems to Billy's relationship with Zoe, aside from being butt-crazy in love with Jane, is their matchy outfits and his love of accessories. Let's examine shall we. Exhibit A: Zoe.
Exhibit B: Billy
Both are mostly working the leather and the hoodie, but Billy has about four necklaces, three bracklets, and two piercings more than Zoe. You can't date a guy who likes to accessorize more than you. It's why Jane + Billy work. Jane is the only human on the planet (short of Gossip Girl's Vanessa Abrams) who wears more accessories than Billy.
While I'm sort of bored by Zoe's look, I'm super bored by Rita Shaw.
Oh honey, what? Why does the costume department do this to you? I know you're the guidance counsellor, but you don't need to be so sad sack about. Brighten that blue! Wear a cuter cut! Something! Anything! You're smarter than that sweater. I know you are. Look how dubious you are of Jane and Billy. You have no reason to doubt them. Well, other than they've been using sound effects in the bathroom:
At the Donovan Decker officers, they're panicking over the new drapes and cushion covers.
I mean, menswear line for Harrods. I got a little confused by the fabric choices. It looks like something I was considering for my living room throw cushions.
So hey, remember that show Swingtown? The one where a bunch of couples are all swingers in the 1970s? It's okay if you don't, because Gray does. Or she's trying to bring back that swinging 70s style.
I'm sure no one at Donovan Decker approves, but at least Eli is brave enough to give her the side-eye head tilt.
Actually, India's quite happy to throw judgement at them both.
How does girlfriend do it day-in day-out? She's killing it in a leather Rag & Bone dress and a crazy bananapants awesome statement necklace, while her co-workers are dressed in beige denim jackets or look like they're headed to a key party in 1974. Rough life India. Which is why I'm going to give you a pass for this totally unexpected moment:
But Eli? No. Not even. That's a total d-bag move for two reasons:
1. you are technically seeing Jane, even if she is a bit standoffish. And you were supposed to be a nice guy.
2. you had red sheets on your bed. Coincidence? Or are you always prepared for sexytimes at home?
Either way, your charm ran out hard, Eli.
Also, snaps to Harper for doing casual better than her school outfit.
The bright blue jeans with the red stripes are ubercute. And perfect for a Friday night party.
Unlike your friend:
White lace? This isn't a church picnic. This is a no parents, get schmasted and get into the drama club costumes kind of party. Just look at Billy! He's got rings and bracelets! Although, seriously Billy? Still more accessories than your girlfriend? You've got to check that.
You should maybe ask about the odd scarf she's wearing, because Zoe is looking kind of like she's just stepped off the set of Vampire Diaries.
If she asks for Senor Tequila with a vervain chaser, then you've got some serious Ian Sommerhalder problems on your hands. And as cute as you are, you can't win that fight.
Also, what is that in the background? Is some extra wearing a tutu?
No! Just Harper getting into the costumes. We really need to do a full Who Wore it Better:
Jane, Zoe or Harper? Y'all decide.
Looks like Zoe and Billy made up. Which is good for them as a couple, but bad for Zoe's walk of shame. Because leather dress at 10am screams walk of shame. You can't hide that. Of course, with the arrival of Rita Shaw, Zoe and Billy have bigger problems.
Yeah. Not sure how you hide the remains of the party. Or the teach the girlfriend the plan in two seconds or less. Which probably explains the likely tweet from Zoe's account that day:
@ZoeBoringPants: That moment where you realize you've somehow gotten involved in your boyfriend and his bestie's hairbrained scheme. #awkward #fml #yolo
At least Rita Shaw took my advice on colour.
That blouse is so much cuter on her, what with the bright hue and the kicky bow at the collar. I like the cream jacket. You're killing Saturday morning. More of this Rita Shaw, less of that boring blue sweater from earlier, please.
On the other side of the pond, Jeremy is still feeling the guilt over being a total traitor to his boss and getting his co-worker with benefits fired.
Oh hey girl hey, unemployment is agreeing with you! Look at you with no vest! Or bow tie! And a five o'clock shadow! We could use more of this from you.
Jane's London Look is decidedly more dressed up. But then, it is Jane.
While I don't believe she gets service in the tube, I do like the leather jacket and metal necklace.
The cage sandals are a bit much to be traipsing around the city based on vague clues from India, but what's an adventure with Jane without completely impractical footwear?
She does find him at a pub named after some animal. Fox and Bagel maybe? Whatevs. It's all British and they're watching soccer football and she's ordering a Shirley Temple (girlfriend needs a better mocktail. Or an actual cocktail. Because from what I've seen on Coronation Street and read on Wikipedia, she can legally get a drink if an adult orders one for her with a meal. Correct me if I'm wrong, my sources are dubious).
And for a moment, a fleeting moment, I thought Jeremy was chilling at the Fox and Bagel in a sweet polo. Something Band of Outsiders maybe.
But oh no! Spoke too soon!
He's there in a vest. Of course he is.
He's also tending bar in what appears to be a bespoke suit. Check out the jacket he adds when he decides to take off from the bar:
Now Jeremy, the suit does look good, but it's not the most practical choice for bartending. You don't want Guinness or all over the front of that. Or Jane's grenadine, for that matter.