Aliens & Aliases - Part 2 of 2 - It's Leroxy!

Ladies and gents, may I present Roxy, Lemon's beer drinkin', line dancin' alter-ego. Not only does Leroxy help Joelle with her cover story, she also serves as a way for Lemon to let go and relax, per George's wishes. And after a few drinks, boy does she ever.

This red cowboy hat is so atrociously cliche it's almost stylin'. Who knew Lemon had this so-sexy pose hidden beneath that prim and proper exterior?

Drunk off a couple of bhuurs, Leroxy tells the flannel lovin' Wade that he deserves better than the trashy Joelle. He probably also deserves better than flannel shirts, but I don't see that changing anytime soon.

Wade eventually calls in the troops - in this case, George - to help our barfly get off the ol' dance floor.

OK can we sign a petition to have Lemon permanently be Lexroxy? She's so smokin! Don't her and George look more like a regular Southern couple here than they ever have before? Loves it.

But ruh-roh, the jig is up as Joelle's jealous ex realize they been a-playin' him for a damn fool! Maybe he's also upset becuase of his puke green shirt. Lovely.

I feel the same way, Zoe!

Until next week, ya'll!

Sweetie Pies & Sweaty Palms - Part 1 of 1 - Confused Harts

If Bluebell’s education system is extremely strong in one department, it’s geometry. These belles can make love triangles like there's a tradition-steeped mating ritual coming up. Which there is. It’s Sweetie Pie Dance time in Bluebell, and that sends the whole town in a love-buggin', pie eatin' frenzy! No seriously, they're giving each other actual pies instead of cinnamon hearts. Fine by me. Tensions run high as everyone scrambles for a date. Will Zoe go with Hot Vet Judson? Will Lavon Hayes go with Sandra Bullock Lookalike DiDi? Will Wade go with his new fling? Too many questions. I'm just going to eat some pie while I recap this episode.

Rose may be the ultimate accidental hipster. Check out her INCREDIBLY adorable and ironic sweater. Wade calls her four-eyes, yet here she sits in her sweater covered in glasses. It screams "I’m a cute super nerd who doesn’t fit in, and I don’t give a care." You go Rose.

But look at these two. The chemistry is undeniable, right?

I’ve also figured out the reason behind Wade’s excessive wearing of plaid. Wade is on a plaid strike. Much like people take hunger strikes to get their voices heard, Wade will wear plaid until Zoe admits that she has feelings for him. I’m 99.9% certain that once this admission of love occurs, every piece of plaid Wade’s ever owned will never be seen again.

On the other side of town, George yet again tells Lemon that she’s distant and crazy. Lemon responds by straddling him while wearing a gorgeous flowery dress. Her outfit might be ladylike, but she's got moves like a lionesss. RAWR!

Cut to the Sweetie Pie Dance. Do you see how this triangle is coming along? DiDi loves Lavon, Lavon loves Lemon, Lemon loves Lavon but also loves George, George loves Zoe, Judson loves Zoe, Zoe loves Wade, Wade loves Zoe. Whoa. I’m pretty sure that just became a love octagon. Wade busts up "Zudson's" slow dance to show that not only will he wear plaid EVERY DAY, he will sometimes wear the same plaid shirt for TWO days in a row. That’s a statement of love if I’ve ever seen it.

Might I add that for someone who claims to have escaped out of a second story window to get to the dance, Zoe looks fab. Her hair shows NO sign of escapee-ism and her dress is the furthest thing from Southern Belle that you can get.

Lemon is ensuring that no one forgets the Sweetie Pie Dance is for the true Southern Belles. Her dress was clearly constructed from various 1970s couches that survived explosions in the Pepto Bismol factory. I love pink and I love flowers, but someone get that girl to a Nordstrom before she is forever stuck in 1942.

And fear not. Lavon Hayes was also the lucky recipient of a couch suit, as he showed up in red velour. Somehow he pulls this off far far better than Lemon in her couch dress.

Couch clothes or plaid strike? Things are so extreme in Bluebell. Oh well, at least there's pie.

Mistress & Misunderstandings - Part 1 of 1 - Matronly Memories

...aka, just another episode of Hart of Dixie! The matronly memories are courtesy of Lemon and her entourage, and their insistence on dressing like my great Aunt Mildred (or how I would imagine her to dress, if I had such a person in my life). Zoe finds herself in the position of "other woman" (although not in the way you think), and being charmed by Dr. Cheater, aka. Judson the Veterinarian. Meanwhile, Wade is so in love with her that he can't even concentrate on doing body shots off a hot and trashy blond, Lemon is upstaged and told off (finally!!) by one of her Hell's Belles, and she finds out a secret about her idol that I am SURE she is going to use for blackmail in some later episode (I mean, that's how Lemon rolls...wait, do lemons actually roll?)

Zoe starts off the episode in such a happy mood that everyone in town thinks she's either a) crazy, b) finally getting some, or c) well...just being Zoe Hart the flaky, new-fangled city girl. She literally walks through town saying good morning to everyone with a big goofy grin on her face...even the old cranky bitches that sit on the bench in the town square EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF THE DAY (seriously, do they EVER leave?). Luckily she does it in a cute outfit:

Oh, what do you know - Dr. Hart is wearing shorts! Never trust a doc who wears shorts every day. And looks like she's 15 years old. And is Rachel Bilson. At least that's what these ladies' faces are saying. Ah, hell nah. Well, you can't doubt that she's cute! These lace shorts are a little different and very feminine, so I like - the polka dot top makes them a little more fun and the black blazer adds a bit of professional polish.

This scene reminds me of the opener of Beauty and the Beast where the entire village is singing about how strange and peculiar Belle is, while she sings about how she can't wait to get her butt outta town. Um, similarities, much? I mean, look at her face:

This belongs in a musical cartoon, like, yesterday. 

NEXT!! She also wears a cute top (and a suspicious expression) when Levon (nosiest landlord ever...and maybe the hottest) and Wade stop by to check on her, thinking they would catch her with the new boy toy they believe is putting that smile on her face:

Hey boys, how you doin'? Me? No, I'm not hiding anything behind these printed, billowing sleeves. Well, nothing except my loaded guns. Meooooow!! I don't hate this top, but I don't love it. It's....a top...with a fun print. I do love the side braid she is rockin' though.

But I'm sorry to say Annabeth looks a little like an Old Navy ad from five years ago, and she looks intensely concerned about that, too. As am I. 

Meanwhile, Lemon continues to be "more crazy and stressed than usual" (is it just me, or do people use that descriptor for her at least once every episode? I'm thinking crazy and stressed is just how she is. All the livelong day). She really wants to impress her idol, Deely-Ann - the head of the Memory Matrons, whose main purpose (from what I can tell) is to put on outfits from Tanjay and suck up to each other at teas and other boring get-togethers. Lemon's looks often resemble Katherine Hepburn, which most of the time, I like. Observe:

The vibrant purple colour of her top and the high-waisted pants look great on her since she doesn't have any, you know, actual hips.

The outfit she wears to have Deely-Ann and her husband (aka. George's rival lawyer) over to brownnose is not bad either:

Again, a nice colour in the top, although without the vibrancy of the first one. However, the skirt looks a little like the curtains that were hanging in my apartment when I first moved in, and the curtsey was rather awkward. 

Too bad George ruined it for her when he got overly competitive in Pictionary and did an embarassing victory dance when he and Lemon won:

Jazz hands!! Well, Lemon found the dance embarassing. I found it hilarious. The dancing was so bad it was awesome, which is something I aspire to at every party. Good thing he didn't have to draw "baby talk".

I also didn't mind Lemon's next outfit:

Ok, so the blouse is a little old-fashioned but the cute skirt and pulled back hair make it a bit more modern. It's sort of a cute secretary/librarian look, and Lemon does not often do "modern". In fact, she's the perfect person to be the head of the Memory Matrons because she's always doing "matronly" things - 1940's clothes and hair? Curtseying? Moaning and groaning about those damn "kids" and all their fun-having?

This outfit?

See? Matronly. This looks like it was made from curtains (a popular trend for Lemon-wear this episode)...I mean, a chiffon floral cape, Lemon? Really? My fake Aunt Mildred would be proud, but she's about the only person. Memory Matron, indeed. 

Back to Zoe (now back to me, now look at my hand, now back. to. me.) decides to help her new BFF Annabeth practice standing up to Lemon by doing some role-play (no, not THAT kind, Levon). She hilariously dons a floppy hat and imitates Lemon and gets it right on.

I mean, she says "Heaven's to Betsy!!" at one point, which is something Lemon would totally say. Add "grandmotherly expressions" to the list of "matronly" things she does. Zoe's stretchy black dress here is very simple but rockin'. Very Herve Leger. See, Lemon? Sure Zoe can dress overly trendy and youthful at times but at least she doesn't raid the Golden Girls wardrobe department every morning.

I love the necklace Zoe rocks with this dress:

It's vaguely tribal or Middle Eastern, like something you would pick up in a market in Turkey or something. The perfect counterpoint to the dress.

Another counterpoint to the dress this episode was Judson looking like a walking Tommy Hilfiger ad:

This is a little too preppy-punting-at-Cambridge for my liking, but I'll admit it - he still looks delicious. I am not sure how I feel about Zoe and Dr. Cheater now dating seriously after he slept with her friend. However, I suppose his remorse could be genuine. It's not like he has much choice for hot girl material in this town. Plus he relayed his excitement about her "liking him too" to a dog and that was pretty cute (talks to animals like they are people: check in the "hot" box for me!). 

Tune in next week, for what I am sure will include yet more misunderstandings and more matrons. They're both pretty much guaranteed for every episode, right?

Hell's Belles - Part 1 of 2 - You Can See My Roots

Zoe goes digging for her Bluebell family heritage and finds a long lost Aunt, who tells her she comes from a tradition of Wilkes women who were Southern Belles. Bluebell Belles. Lemon (of course) is not only a Belle, but also the Belle ringleader. Zoe (of course) wants in, and it's a lot like pledging a sorority - chores, humiliation and one awful red dress, to be worn for the duration of her one-week Belle pledging. But more on that later...

Dr. Zoe finds a box of pictures from Harley Williams with her name literally written on it. Is this the beginning of a "Choose Your Own Adventure"? No. Just a friendly reminder that Zoe is a terrible New Yorker and knows nothing about her Wilkes family heritage. Dr. Brick, sporting a real-men-wear-pink shirt, questions Zoe's dedication to the town and family. Zoe, wearing a classic black blazer with a [rawl!] leopard print dress, is all, "I'm not just passing through, I've been here for four whole months." Dr. Brick challenges her back with, "You wanna fit in? Find out where you fit." GAME. SET. SOUTH.

Lemon joins the conversation with a pastel top purchased at an "After-Easter" sale and, shockingly, low opinions of our highly educated doctor.

It's Aunt Marine! But with no marine-themed prints or colors on her outfit. How disappointing. I was all set for aqua dolphins. Surely Lilly Pulitzer makes a print like that.

But that doesn't matter because she has THE ONE RING - a Belle legacy ring - which means Zoe can be a Belle. I doubt Zoe is a Lord of the Rings fan, but if she was, the references would be endless. In the meantime, we'll go with: One Ring to Belle Them All.

Silly Zoe! It takes more than a pledge to become a Belle! It takes a WHOLE week of pledging! With Zoe fully revealing the leopard dress, is it just me or would this double as an amazing piece of advertising for the Pledge of Allegiance to the United States of Bitchface.

So what's up with the boys of Blue Belle? Well, funny you should ask, because our men all have that "100-yard-stare" thing going on. What's troubling? Aside from another homerun by Lavon and his hats, why...

George, rocking the power suit with a lovely checkered dress shirt. He's in the middle of some boring real-estate deal, and his key client is Wade's crazy father - the aptly nicknamed "Crazy Earl."

Wade, sporting the classic man's-man green flannel, isn't so happy about George using his father. Just look at the way he's clenching those his pearly whites.

Meanwhile, Lavon can't get a single date in Bluebell, thanks to DiDi telling all the girls that he's in love with her. How big is this town? It sounds more like a high school. DiDi, stop trying to be the Regina George of Bluebelle. That's Lemon's job. You just stick to being jealous of how effortlessly Lavon pulls off purple stripes.

As for Dr. Zoe's medical storyline of the week - it seems all the Belles in Lemon's clique can't get pregnant because Lemon put a "curse" on them. Uh...it is 2012 down there, right? I mean, do they really believe that since Lemon is still unhitched, no morning sickness for any of them? And speaking of throwing up, check out the puke green on the top below. Or is it zippy yellow? I can't decide. But wait, what's is Zoe wearing? Ohhhh just you wait and see...

Hell's Belles - Part 2 of 2 - Seriously, let's talk about that dress

And that is how we got here, ladies and gents. Sure, other kinda-fun things happened in this episode - George and Wade were scheming, while Lavon had his normal awkward women troubles. But, seriously, with a dress like the one Zoe was forced to wear, everything just pales in comparison.

The great thing about this dress - aside from the fact that she looks like a poster child for why the South lost the war - is that there is a Secret Word. When the Secret Word is uttered, Dr. Zoe Hart must sing some warped Belle song, which is exacly what she's doing here...

Is our Dr. Hart thinking:
A) "Huh. I'm not that bad a singer. I should audition for Mobile Idol!"
B) "This garter is cutting off my circulation and everyone's starting to look like Colonel Stonewall Jackson."
C) "Talk about a two-for-one happy hour special!"

I'm guessing "B". But oh no! I've upset our puppy-dog-face Dr. Hart with my jokes :(

Upon closer look, I'm kind of digging those red roses on the front of her dress. I suppose she looks adorable, but she'd look adorable in a garbage bag, so what's that say?

Is this how high-class Southern escorts dressed back in the day? Were they extremely polite with a hint of sass?

"Why great balls of fire, Dr. Hart, you look like the wrong kind of working woman"

So Belle hell-week isn't going so great for our Dr. Zoe. She's wondering if she's made the right decision in sticking around Bluebell, instead of heading back to the damn-Yankees.

Is it me or does Zoe look like she's in a "I'm not a virgin, so my wedding dress will be red" depressing photo shoot?

And yeah, hell-week doesn't get easier when Lemon unleashes her fellow Belles with painball guns on our poor Dr. Hart. I'm doing that "Tough Mudder" obstacle course in just under a month. I wonder if this is one of those "mystery obstacles"?

What is Lemon expressing via scary-stare-telekenisis?
A) "Polish my silver good, or you'll be forced to wear polka-dot pants!"
B) "When I see my reflection in that silver, I see a red and scaly creature with a bifurcated tail, carrying a hay fork. What does that mean?"
C) "Your non-blonde hair is a sign that your carpetbagger size-zero-ass is evil!"

I'm going with "A". Apparently, the threat of polka dot pants was enough to make Zoe drop the Belle's invitation. Anticlimatic? Yes, but a wise decision by our Dr. Zoe, and no hard feelings are left with Lemon.

Catch you next week, loyal readers. Who knows what absurd things our cute Dr. Zoe will wear...