Despicable B - Part 1 of 2 - The Users

Lily goes increasingly rogue as she finally triumphs over Ivy, but when she finds out the Rhodes family is perceived badly by the public, she throws a family dinner to prove everything is fine. Serena catches William in a lie and then discovers an even deeper secret involving Carol and Lola. Meanwhile, Blair finds out that New York Magazine thinks she's low brow for having a marriage shorter than Kim Kardashian's, while Dan is both high brow and an up-and-coming author who's nominated for a debut author prize. Finally, Nate can't leave well enough alone when it comes to his favorite cougar and decides to snoop into Diana's past to find out what else she's hiding, and an even more dangerous secret finally emerges that causes Chuck to question everything he knows about himself.

Lily's always been a bit of a ball-buster, but she usually hid the lengths she'd go to in order to get her way. After enduring Ivy taking her beloved UES penthouse though, the gloves are definitely off, and nothing showcases this better than her style this episode.



Her dark coat and purse hide her inner fabulousness, but not for long.  After all, you can't keep a bad girl down.



Eric Daman doesn't always go the obvious route, but when he does, it usually works.  Lily's leopard print dress tells us that she's lean, she's mean, and she's ready to be single again.  This whole look is just killer.



Love her jeweled cuff!

For the Rhodes family dinner, Lily needs to clean up her act, and acts as innocent as the day she was born, sporting this gorgeous black and white sundress.



The stained glass pattern is lovely, and I spy another glorious bracelet, but that necklace looks like just a lot of luggage tags strung together. It ruins the crisp, clean lines of the dress by marring the neckline. Here are some better options for you:

More Marni...

Her ex-husband, William Van der Woodson, is usually up to no good, and doesn't dress much better.



Is it just me, or do his clothes typically look cheap and tacky?  Although, this is a vast improvement over his standard attire.  Not much variation between the jacket and shirt tone, but they're fairly complementary and it doesn't look like he's going to go take out an informant, so snaps all around.



Oh boy.  It would be nice to get a William Van der Woodson appearance without his patented "I just fried my brain on those fake cancer drugs" expression.  It'd also be nice to see an appearance with his clothes pressed.  That collar is so limp and draggy.

Nate typically floats along, going with whatever scheme's up in the air.  Very rarely (okay, never) does he ever head up a scheme himself.  This new scheming Nate is also sporting an awesome, almost Chuck-like suit.



Seriously, if you can rock those low, tight pants, then by all means do so, Mr. Archibald.  The skinny purple tie is a great departure from the gray, and really completes his look.

But as much as I liked that suit, I have to admit I vastly prefer it this way:



Half off, baby.

Of course, Nate is also being used by Diana, but then, who can really blame her?

No, the only thing we can really blame her for is a lack of imagination.



Yep, it's skin tight and two-toned.  When Nate was browsing through her closet, we saw a lot more interesting selections.  Maybe he should have focused on those instead of on her underwear.

Our Queen B has gone to hell and back the last few seasons.  So it's not really her fault that her hair is so limp and her wardrobe so uninspired.  This episode she tries to find her mojo.



Remember the Old Blair's amazing pajama sets, dripping with lace and sex?  Yeah, this isn't muddy green roses, but snagging a circus tent to use as a robe isn't the right way to go either.

This sundress is a step in the right direction, though.  I love the brightly flowered pattern, and the cute A-line of the skirt.  As for the white pleats, they just don't sit right, but I'll tolerate their presence.

Unfortunately, short marriages aren't the only area where she goes low-brow.



A few weeks ago, I pleaded with Blair to try more youthful looks.  She obviously took my plea and ran with it, forgetting the back of her dress in the process.

It was difficult to figure out exactly what "despicable high brow" was, but Blair's desired label seemingly involved her crashing Dan's big moment and then donating money to literacy.

Hrm.  Okay.

But really, in this Elie Saab, Blair could do just about anything, and I'd be all smiles.



Finally, a gown that isn't baggy and ill-fitted, but shows off her fabulous figure.  I'll even take the black, and that shade of lip color is flawless against her skin. Even her hair doesn't look all that bedraggled.



Let's face it, Blair hasn't looked this fabulous since Season 4.

Con Heir - Part 2 of 2 - The Bad and the Ugly

As I said, we've got some bad, and we've got some notoriously ugly.

And we start, where else, but with a Baldwin brother...

William van der Baldwin's character and his fashion choices just scream sleazeball. That, and check out his dress shirt - wrinkled, plain and simply uninspired. Chivy really doesn't understand High Society if she thinks this guy is her ticket.

In the previous "Good" post, Lily was the obvious MVP. So why do I have a picture of her in the "Bad and the ugly" column? Chivy!

I blame you, Chivy, and your poseur Blair/Serena/Gossip Girl world of bronze outfits! It's not that it's bad - frankly, you look amazing - it's just that it's uninspired. We've seen the bronze before, sweetheart. Show me you can rock a bronze raincoat and then I'll be happy. And Lily? You seriously look like you weigh 57 pounds in that super oversized top. Next time get a size down or take it to one of the tailors you no doubt have on speedial.

"Matt, I changed out of the gold outfit just for you - is this better?"

Sorry lady, it's just "blah" boring and you went Full Vanessa with the necklaces. Notice I said "necklaces" with a plural. Next time, just pick one from the jewelery box.

Like Lily, Chuck's also making an appearance in the "bad and the ugly" column due to his color mismatch.

A red tie and a purple handkerchief? Come on Chuck, that's a classic Lonely Boy suit-wearing error, not one you'd make!

And here we have an overdose of the color red. And not just red but a dull red.

If you're gonna wear a head-to-toe red jacket - at least make it flashy and hope people think you have some chutzpah. Otherwise, red is not the new black. And this is coming from a ginger YKYLF staff writer. I'm experienced.

Ok I must be in channeling my inner Simon Cowell because I am being tough today.

Here we have a perfectly fine, but incredibly boring looking Nate. Honestly, it could go either way, but it's just that his outfits are pretty much clones of each other. That and his dress shirt looks like a picnic table cloth.

But compared to his former employee (and the future Gossip Girl?), Nate is downright dapper.

Honey, what? The drabbest of colours, mismatched knits and, quite frankly, a sloppy looking knit mini. We do appreciate you wearing tights though. It's just too bad that shlumpy cardi is bedazzled all to hell.

p.s. Serena? We're sending you a comb for your birthday. Please learn how to use it.

Serena almost gets it right at the party in CeCe's honor (how many parties du jour will be in the name of CeCe? Place your bets now). But she too went for jewelry in the key of Vanessa.

Do you know how I know Lola is a member of this family? She doesn't comb her hair for parties either. I'm going to forgive her on the unflattering dress and lack of any jewelry. She's new to the UES lifestyle. But that forgiveness only goes so far...step it up, sister.

In fashion there will always be the good, the bad and the ugly - but the really ugly? Oh, that would be the catering bill.

That's a year's salary for some folks. Good work Chivy, you're learning how to live in serious Rhodes style.

Yeah, that's the face I'd make too.

Until next time fellow UES'ers...

The Princess Dowry - Part 1 of 2 - The Oh So Sad VDWs

Wow what to say about this episode... I don't think I've ever seen Lily roll her eyes and make so many snarky comments. Or drink quite so much! Cece's Secret Wake (organized by Cece herself) was Irish themed and included a lot of music and whiskey drinking. It also included some wake crashing by Georgina and Lola (Real Charlotte Rhodes), a less than welcome (but totally invited) Chivy (should we just call her Ivy now?) and the return of William VDW (aka Lola's dad !!!!). Oh, and Cece in her coffin... in the middle of the VDW living room. To my disappointment, the Chuck and Dan's battle in "World War Waldorf" played out to a Dan win. In a potential plot hole the size of Central Park, William announced that Cece left Ivy the penthouse in her will... so Ivy herself kicks Lily and Rufus out of their beloved home (YKYLF staff room calls "continuity fail". We remember Lily moving into Bart's apartment, complete with Bart's safe of secrets). And with few heartbreaking and life-ruining Gossip Girl blasts, Georgina's run as GG is over and she's off to Monaco to help Blair end her marriage (only after B made a deal with that devil). But before leaving town, she sent a mysterious package with a laptop and GG info inside to... Serena! Will S become the new Gossip Girl?

The mourning fam arrived at their penthouse to find an Irish wake already waiting for them... so Lily struck a pose.

Rufus looks clean and tidy for once, while Lily looks classy as always. Her furs, diamonds, and blond hair give her a Grace Kelly attitude that fits her oh so well. Serena, meanwhile, decided to shop at the American Girl doll store to buy the Eskimo doll (with a jacket in Serena's size!!) If it had been a regular coat, I wouldn't have questioned this outfit. But instead, it has wool sleeves with elbow pads, which I find a little odd. There is a double collar going on, which leaves a huge question mark on my face.

See, I wasn't kidding. I guess she realized her hideous decision because she wore other things to make her coat look fabulous... a cute scarf, a gorgeous leather bag, a worthy iPhone case, and she even managed to comb her hair and tie it without a hair tie. I admire her for that touch.

 Once she took off her coat, Serena revealed such a good-girl outfit that I was proud of.

 

The neckline is high, her legs are covered (!) and her skirt doesn't show off her macaron, so she's made a few steps in the right direction. Especially since it was a wake. I loved this outfit, except for the wooden bead necklace. It's a little too "Mommy look what I made" for me, but other than that she rocked!

 I have to say I cringed when I saw Carol this week.

 Her coat is almost, if not more, disastrous than Serena's. She has awkward flaps of fabric over her chest, and the color was a bit wrong in my eyes. She also managed to dress more provocatively than Serena (which was actually pretty easy this week). Carol  you aren't 20 anymore, and a tight dress is not what you should be wearing. Especially to your mother's wake.

I had to add this picture because A) Rufus is not wearing plaid, and B) Lily is taking a shot.

Two things that are legendary! Who knew this could happen! Maybe it'll happen more often (the no plaid on Rufus part. Less so on the Lily taking shots).

 As per usual, Lily looked fabulous in this episode.

She went all "Diamonds are a girls best friend", and it suited her so well! And her legendary buns never fail to make me smile. The bow was maybe a bit much, but we'll let it slide.

The dress was perfect funeral material.

Tasteful lace, black, chic, and matchable to heels and jewelry. Like always, Lily blew my mind.

I can see why Lola is a perfect VDW... she has such beautiful golden locks.

Criteria to be a female member of this family appears to be gorgeous blonde hair. Except for Carol. But no one really likes her so it's okay that she's a brunette. I approve of Lola's golden knit sweater dress. It compliments her hair nicely, and she wears the perfect earrings to match it. Daddy VDW on the other hand stays somber and neutral with his Rufus-like outfit. No tie, all in black. Kind of like Rufus's rock and roll days. Minus the Humphrey style chest hair.

I can see why there's a problem matching up parents and children in this family... no one really looks similar. I honestly would not be able to tell these two were sisters unless you told me.

Despite the plot inconsistencies, I sobbed as I saw the perfect couple waiting for a cab surrounded by leather bags. Destination: Brooklyn.

The Kids Stay in the Picture - Part 1 of 3 - The Royalty

Episode Synopsis:  The Upper East Side is all a-twitter over Lily’s impending sentencing for forging Serena’s signature on the affidavit, though the entire family spends the entire day obsessing instead over the Taschen Modern Royalty book, which the Rhodes women are being included in.  Big surprise:  the “Florida bohemian” half of the Rhodes family arrives, ostensibly to support Lily during these trying times, but everyone knows better, including a more devious than ever CeCe.  Chuck is also to be photographed,  initially singling representing the Bass name but he really yearns to put hotels and Eastern European trollops and Dan Humphrey in the past and finally claim Blair as his family.  Also present at the photo shoot:  Vanessa, for what reason, nobody is really sure—oh right, so they can claim she’s still a series regular; Epperly, returned from her yoga retreat in Bali with her belief in love renewed; and even stranger, Dr. Van der Woodsen, who spends the day skulking in corners and trying to piss off a caveman-esque Rufus.

It’s no surprise that the Rhodes women are considered “modern royalty”—or that the men in their lives aren’t included.  After all, the male halves seem to be rather fleeting.

CeCe, the glorious Rhodes matron, never disappoints (and looks better than ever!).  When she first appears, she descends to earth to greet her inferiors in a halo of Chanel light.

The fabric of her matching skirt and jacket suit looks positively celestial, with the interwoven silver strands, accented by the tasteful beading on the jacket lapel.  Pair it with the cream silk blouse and diamond and pearl earrings the size of doorknobs and you understand why the phrase “bow down, bitches,” was practically invented for Cecelia Rhodes.

When I’m CeCe’s advanced age, I can only hope I wear my still-blond hair long, with this much aplomb.

But what an ugly potato sack of a dress. The cut is just unflattering and that collar looks like it belongs on a set of tennis whites from the ‘70s.

The brooch is even a little dated, and the hair is even more so—taking CeCe all the way to matronly, which she didn’t even veer towards in a classic Chanel suit.  I much prefer her hair loose and soft, versus this overly styled, helmet of aquanet curls.

Oh no.  What have you done to our glorious goddess?  The color is the only good part of this sky blue blouse.  The fit is loose and bulky, making it look like her chest is falling to her knees—which might be true, but Cecelia Rhodes would never let anybody see that, especially if she knew she was going to be photographed for posterity.

Lily, despite nearly being sent up to the “big house,” is really the graceful, classy epitome of modern royalty—at least if you take her wardrobe.

She’s still enamored of neutrals, but she wears them so beautifully that it’s hard to hate on her for it.

The most color Lily dons all episode, this blush ruffle collar blouse is incredibly flattering, with just the right touch of youth.  Her accessories are flawless—the necklace is particular is gorgeous and is the perfect amount of edgy to go with the airy innocence of the blouse.

Even her reading glasses coordinate with the milky stones at her ears.  A consummate dresser, Lily either has a stylist on retainer or she was the born with the same heavenly power that CeCe still shows flashes of.

For the photo shoot, Lily continues to epitomize royalty in this black cocktail gown.

The simple, almost austere lines fit her body perfectly, and I love the edgy neckline.  Even more, I love her hair and makeup.

I might even go as far as to say she’s never looked more beautiful, which is appropriate considering the occasion she’s dressed for.  If you’re going to be immortalized as modern royalty, you might want to look the part.

I wanted to bitch about this gray wool drape dress that Lily wears to the second, much more impromptu photo shoot, but it’s hard when it flatters her so beautifully.

Rarely does one see an outfit on Gossip Girl and think, “wow that looks so comfortable!”  This does—and looks cozy, too.  But since this is Lily Rhodes Van der Woodsen Bass Humphrey, she glams it up with that intricate crystal beaded necklace and very simple makeup.

And don’t forget the killer snakeskin t-strap pumps.  A woman’s never fully dressed without stilettos.

Serena, the youngest generation of Rhodes women to be represented in the modern royalty portrait, struggles to understand the concept of “royalty”.

That’s the only conclusion I came come to after witnessing the above monstrosity.

That might be my grandmother’s afghan that used to lie on the back of her couch, and from the looks if it, Serena’s decided to fashion it into a cardigan that my grandfather would be proud to own.

Combine that with the most hideous shade of maroon leggings Serena could find, and you have an outfit that practically screams “royalty.”

Or not.

Really, it’s too bad Serena ever took her coat off, because it’s a massively significant improvement over the cardigan sweater-dress.

The patchwork tweeds are sharp and flattering, especially paired with the dark scarf and brown leather bag.

After that outfit, it’s hard to have any faith that Serena will be anything resembling presentable for the photo shoot.

And I’m shocked speechless.  Just when you think all the style genes in her body have been sucked out by hanging out so much in Brooklyn and with ex-cons, Serena pulls out a fairy tale ensemble that has me believing all over again.

Even the hair and makeup is a huge improvement over her regular, bedhead style.

The nearly-retro wave she’s sporting is very flattering and the makeup is even better.  She should go out like this all the time.  Well, maybe without the ten pounds of folded satin and ruffles sprouting out of her midsection.

That’s my only real complaint about this dress—it’s a little overly designed and the ruffle section seems like an afterthought to the rest of the gown.

I totally get where Eric Daman was going with the white fur stole, but unfortunately it pushes this whole outfit into costume-y territory.  She still looks beautiful but more like a caricature of what we could expect Serena might look like.

Oh, Serena.

You take two steps forward only to take ten back.  I’m afraid to break the news that your coat looks like it might be molding—or is it molting?  Hard to say.

Also, is that an ace bandage you’re wearing around your neck? Or maybe an old tube top you fashioned into a scarf?

However, it goes beautifully with those earrings that look straight out of an exhibit on the Russian royal jewels.

But then lookin at the whole sweater, I’m befuzzled, S.  Did you get into a fight with an evil cappuccino machine?  Did it claw your sweater to bits?  Fashion the neckline into a noose?  The color, however, is lovely on you.  That’s the one positive in a sea of bizarre choices and even stranger stylistic furbelows on this sweater.

After the beauty and style and wacky that is the Rhodes women, the Van der Woodsen men can’t help but be a raging disappointment.

I have to admit that Dr. William Van der Woodsen confuses the living hell out of me.

I was under the impression he was a billionaire doctor playboy—not a used car salesman who bathes in a vat of grease.

His clothes are ill-fitting and devoid of any style whatsoever.  I find it impossible to believe that he bought them anywhere other than Ross or JC Penny’s.  That shirt under the jacket is so unfortunate that I can’t even talk about it.

The suit he wears to the photo shoot is a vague improvement, but he still needs to lay off the pomade.

This...I can’t even talk about.  My grandfather wears an outfit extremely similar to this when we go to the lunch buffet at Sizzler.  William Van der Woodsen isn’t supposed to look like he even knows what a Sizzler is.

Sorry, Doctor, but I’ve got to give the W to Rufus, who we’ll analyze a bit later.  But I will add that he at least knows what a loafer is.  You, on the other hand, look like you wear socks with your Tevas.

Eric, Eric, Eric.  I wish that I could truly believe that you’ve traded in your entire snappy wardrobe for Rufus’ hand-me-down plaid shirts.  I know he was trying to save them from being turned into cleaning rags, but forcing them on your new stepson is taking it too far.

The best thing I can say is that it fits him well, and the colors aren’t unflattering, at least.

A bit less traditional on the coloration of the plaid—I like the red in this, but it’s still just a plaid shirt at the end of the day.

Even for the photo shoot, Eric keeps it horribly blah.  I find it difficult to believe that when you have the style of the Rhodes women at your disposal, the Van der Woodsen money to spend, and the lifestyle to make good fashion choices, this is what you choose.

Eric needs a Chuck Bass intervention STAT.

Empire of the Son - Part 2 of 3 - The Prison Posse

At the heart of our little chain gang is the man who actually went to prison: dear, sweet, confused and occasionally violent Ben. I can’t figure him out—one moment he’s a bit on the wimpy side and the next moment he’s about to go all Shawshank Redemption on Damian.

It’s hard to get down on someone who’s just been released from a wrongful jail sentence, so… ah, I applaud Ben’s attempts to fit in with the rest of the GG gang by joining Dan Humphrey’s Flannel Club.

He does clean up fairly nicely, though. I’m not the foremost advocate for mixing black and brown, but at least it’s not an orange jumpsuit.

It’s time to meet the parents for Ben and Serena, but her encounter with Cynthia Sharpe isn’t as prone to hilarity as if she were to say, meet the Fockers…though she does get focked when Cynthia swipes Lily’s affidavit for Thorpe in this silver and black top, brown cardigan combo. Black and brown? Is this the Sharpe MO?

I really want to not like Cynthia for what she did to Lily, but…well, can’t really blame her, can you? At least when she confronted Lily she looked nice in a black and purple patterned wrap dress.

I believe Serena has worn more clothes in this episode than in Season 3. While trying to win over Cynthia, Serena plays it cool and casual in a great cream Elizabeth & James cardigan. But, I can’t really focus on the outfit because I’m too busy salivating over her royal blue suede boots. God bless her taste in footwear.

  

But for those of you not completely enthralled by her boots, check out the back of her sweater—that is some great crocheting right there.

And just when I finished drooling over her shoes, out came this gorgeous bronze-ish trench coat. Perfect.

No so perfect? This outfit. I can appreciate her desire to dabble in conservative eveningwear, but this is a tad much. Is that a dress?  Are those trousers or tights?  Does the sleeve wrap around her thumb?  Is she channeling Jenny Humphrey?  I sense that the potential of this outfit lies in the details—if only I could see them.

Speaking of outfits gone wrong, Vanessa has returned to warn Serena about Ben’s...erm, aggressive proclivities. Do you think Serena doesn’t listen because she doesn’t believe Vanessa or because she’s distracted? I mean, I don’t…I can’t…understand. Does she think she’s an Olsen twin?

"Seriously, guys.  Are my earrings big enough?"

Ah, here’s Lily, our future little jailbird. It’s such a simple outfit, a black sweater with white pockets and white slacks, but on her it looks so chic and effortless. Much better than the orange number Thorpe sends her.

Behold.  Perfection.

Behold. More perfection. I’m convinced that, had it not been for B and Lonely Boy’s burgeoning romance, this little Elie Saab number would have stolen the show.

Even when she’s arriving for her deposition, Lily is the picture of elegance and poise. I love the ribbon belt of her coat and the wide fold sleeves. The shoulders are a bit on the stronger side but the chignon balances all the angles of her lapels and shoulders.

Standing by her side is Rufus because he loves her, he’s steadfast, and really, what else does he have going on? The shirt and jacket are ho-hum…maybe he could have used that yellow tie.

Oh, I really like this look on Rufus. It’s casual, comfortable, and not frumpy! There’s structure to the sweater and I love that he has a collar underneath. Bonus points: great color!  I hope there’s a comb in that pocket, though.

And it looks like Vanessa isn’t the only one making a comeback.