Treasure of Serena Madre 1 of 3: Serena & the Vanderbilts

Episode Synopsis: This episode contains one of the most brilliant moments in Gossip Girl history.  I'm talking, of course, about the three minutes of genius that took place around the Thanksgiving tables.  The whispering!  The accusations!  Rufus' oblivion!  Plus!  We had Cece and Eleanor!  Exclamation points!!!  Oh, the rest of the episode?  Serena and Tripp are two seriously dumb mofos.  That's about all you need to know.

Gasp!  Oh my goodness!  Serena, is that you?  Wearing an outfit that’s appropriate for business?

Well, that's a relief...Camel toe-inducing pants save the day!  Thank goodness, S.  For a minute there I thought you'd gone native.

Speaking of girly bits, whenever someone tells me my coat appears to be embroidered with them, I get this same look on my face.

Serena, again with the appropriateness!  This hairstyle is lovely and the dress you’re wearing for Thanksgiving appears to be...dare we say it?  Demure.

Aaaaand just like that, it’s not.  Yes, this is an excellent choice of attire for a) a family function where b) your luv-ah will be there with his current wife.  I’m sure she won’t suspect a thing when she sees you in this dress.  Why, it’s practically Amish.

Nate does casual cool so well.  Good shoes and a coat with grey jeans and a slim-cut plaid shirt.  Big ups, Nate.

Tripp’s hair is going places, man.  You can’t keep it down!  It’s gonna head somewhere northwest of Tripp’s head as soon as it possibly can.  Look, it’s inching that way already!

I assume this grin is the result of seeing Serena's Skanksgiving day dress.

Maureen looks awkward.  Maybe it’s the summer floral combined with black tights and a wool jacket.  Or maybe it’s because she’s standing in the presence of The Other Woman.

No, it’s her outfit.

Last days of Disco Stick 3 of 3: Jenny and the others. Oh, and GAGA!

Jenny is now going for a look that was last seen during one of the funeral scenes in the movie Heathers:


Don't get me wrong. I love Heathers. I just don't think we need to repeat some of their fashion choices.

Or wear them with hoodie

But even the Heathers knew that your skirt needs to cover your arse just a little bit. To pants or not to pants? Either Jenny is against pants or she has forgotten them at home again. I'll leave that one for you, Jenny, and the Diplomat's son to ponder.

Hmmm.  (I vote pants. Or maybe a skirt that covers your crotch. Both work fine in my books).

And then we have KenDoll the Diplomat's son. Or the Nate Knock Off.



Seriously. I'm pretty sure Nate wore that sweater and button up shirt for at least a couple of episodes in the first season.  Maybe they're cutting costs and digging into the Season One wardrobe to put on extras. Because they certainly did that with the Chapin Mean Girls.

Here's what I've got to say to those kids: Paul, just because Chuck Bass used to wear an ascot doesn't mean every asshole in New York can pull one off (actually Paul, I think you've got a scarf there, but it's not clear.  Go big or go home dude - wear a scarf out or an ascot in, but don't waffle between the two). At least he did with some flair. Willow, Selma Blair (circa 2001, Legally Blonde) called: she would like her outfit back.

And the minions. Oh the minions. Poor creatures. They pissed somebody off this week.  First off, we have The Twins in their coordinating outfits and gaudy matching necklaces.

Seriously? I'm supposed to believe that Blair would let her minions walk around with those necklaces on? Not even her high school minions got away that kind of shit. As for Amalia and Sophie:

Lacklustre at best. A little too early Blair, but without any of the style.  And well, I don't even know what to do with this:

That's just mean. I know it's a play, and that they're supposed to be a dwarf boy band, but really?  The bad Salt n' Peppa look makes me want to name these Dwarves Unsylish, Uncool, Unfashionable, and Sartorially-Challenged.

Unlike outfits we saw on the other minor characters this week, Maureen Vanderbilt actually did quite well for herself.

She looks the part of a politician's wife. Kudos to you Maureen. Oh, and if you look behind her, you can see a blurry image of what Serena's co-workers wear to work. Yeah. I bet everyone in that office takes Serena seriously. 

Moving on to our morally sound Congressman Tripp (because your wife being kind of devious is totally a reason to shag an 18 year old girl. The press will totally understand. No really, they will. The rule is half your age plus seven, so it's cool)

You know what I've figured out? That there is a belt shortage on the island of Manhattan. Not one man on this show is seen wearing a belt. Chuck has tried to be brave by wearing suspenders, but you know he's wishing he had belts. Is it the recession that has caused the belt shortage? Or maybe the Pied Piper of Manhattan came and lured the belts away?  I think I'll start a belt drive and send them to the cast of Gossip Girl.

Finally, the parents. Lily showed us how "mom jeans" should be done.

The glasses are beginning to wear thin for me, but I do love that blouse.
As for Rufus, he continues to look like a slob and make himself seem as ridiculous as possible (like I'm supposed to believe he's so clueless that he can't figure out the STD the Jenny mentions).

At least we know where Dan gets that dapper sense of style from
And that's it.

I'm kidding. Did you think I'd forget Gaga? Her appearance was a bit on the corny side of celebrity cameos. On a scale of 1-10, with Hilary Duff's appearance this season being seven (not awesome, but totally acceptable) and a one being the utter corniness of Colour Me Badd visit the Peach Pit, Gaga was a four or five. They tried with the Tisch connection. But hell, it's Gaga and she isn't pantsless, so I can deal with it.

I also loved the mental image I got of Gaga playing cards with Blair's step-father: Inconceivable!  What did shock me was that Gaga was dressed more modestly than Jenny and Serena. And she had black electrical tape over her nipples.  Do you know what that means?  It means you need to start wearing some more fabric ladies.I'm not saying so much fabric that you need four guys with fishnets over their head to help you get around. I'm just asking that you cover your hoo-ha a little bit.  That's not too much to ask for, is it?

The Grandfather Part II, 3 of 3 - Maureen & Tripp, Dan & Olivia

Finally, the costumers get to dress a candidate's wife, and not just dress Blair like she is a candidate's wife (where have we seen that ruffled shirt/cardigan combo before? Oh, right, last week). Check out Maureen in her best potential first lady gear. 

Even better is seeing her in red. She matches Tripp's tie and she stands out when going up against Grandfather. I especially love that wardrobe defied convention and put a redhead in a very, very red dress. Part of me almost wants Blair to marry Nate, just so she and Maureen can go head to head. 

And of course, the hero, Tripp, looking like the lost Kennedy son. Which, if his last scene with Serena was any indication, he very well could be.

Ugh. The bringers of Fallon. I will never forgive them for it. Although, their wardrobes this week may have been punishment enough.  They didn’t even get a real costume change, just a switch from pajamas to – well, more pajamas, from the looks of it.

Here’s Dan in the world’s most weathered henley. I’m not sure that he didn’t steal this from a long underwear set.

Also, it looks like swine flu isn’t the only epidemic going around. It seems that Olivia caught lumberjack from Dan.

We did learn one important thing about Olivia this week. Apparently, Olivia can dress herself, she just chooses not to. Really, Olivia? You bring your A-game for Fallon, but you wear Paul Bunyan's hand-me-downs for Scrabble with your boyfriend?