The Backup Dan - Part 1 of 1 - Post-Apocalyptic Chic

After discovering that her marriage to Prince Louis is a fairytale in theory but a nightmare in reality, Blair goes full-on Runaway Bride and flees her own reception with Dan riding shotgun.  Serena and Chuck begin to search for her, as do Princess Sophie and the nefarious, heartless Louis.  Blair's first stop on the getaway train is JFK--she intends to make like Elizabeth Taylor and petition for divorce in Santa Domingo.  Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Sophie puts the thumbscrews on Eleanor and threatens to re-activate the dowry that was initially waived in the prenup.  There must be a pretty steep price on Blair's head, because even Eleanor goes a little white when she hears this new development.  Georgina has also entered the hunt for Blair, locking up Dorota (but with snacks!), and she follows Chuck and Serena to the airport hotel where Blair and Dan are camping out.  Blair accuses Serena of ruining her life (again) and Georgina has just enough time to snap an incriminating picture (again) before Princess Sophie turns up and demands Blair leave with her.  To everyone's dismay, Blair agrees and pulls her own Kim Kardashian, posing for pictures with Louis as they leave on their loveless honeymoon.  Nate changes his mind about his date with Lola, who then changes her mind about him.  Would these two just get on with it already?  We all know that Nate can't resist any blonde within a fifty mile radius and Lola, while claiming otherwise, can't deny her DNA was specifically created to date Nate Archibalds.

While running around like chickens with their heads cut off, every single character apparently forgot they were supposed to get at least two costume changes per episode.  A shocking breach of contract, I know, but we'll do what we can to break down the outerwear disasters and of course, dear Princess Blair's foray into airport gift shops.

Poor Blair.  Not only was she sporting beachy waves that were more Jersey Shore than Palm Springs at her wedding, she's forced into tourist castoffs from an airport mini mall.



And dare I remind her that leggings are not pants?

Dan, her partner in crime, hardly looks any better, and he's still wearing most of the pieces he had on at the wedding.

Someone must have missed their costume fitting because this is just hanging on Dan like a sack.  It's called tailoring, people.  Get with the program.

I was also particularly gratified to hear Blair finally say something about the atrocious mop head that is growing on Dan's head.  Get that dead animal cut, ASAP.

Serena's lace trench was a little hot mess, but just chic enough for her to pull off.  If she wasn't sporting young Bridgitte Bardot hair and makeup, she might not have been able to manage, but thankfully she thought ahead and packed plenty of bump-its.

Chuck, as always, looks dapper in his tan greatcoat.  Not quite dapper enough to win back the Princess for himself, but we give him high marks for the attempt.



The pocket square is just right distraction from his angsty expression.

Lily returns from the wedding complaining about how much her feet hurt.  Really?  She is born and bred Trophy Wife material.  Didn't she learn to run a marathon in heels?



Those genes must be temporarily missing, along with the brain cells that would have told her this woven coat was an idea best left to a departed Vanessa Abrams.  Give it back, dear, Vanessa will probably need it in the wilds of Spain.

As for her niece, the mysterious Lola Rhodes--she's got the genes in spades.



She waited tables in those heels--Lily needs to take a lesson from her.  Plus, she wears her cater-waiter uniform with such chic flair.  Remember how shabby Dan looked in his cater-waiter uniform?

Lola even outshines Princess Sophie, who's in serious need of both an attitude and an outerwear adjustment.



Pairing this wine satin tuxedo jacket with her olive green gown is not right.  We're not at a Tuscan farm, ready to partake in a tasting.  The dress in itself was bad enough, but that's just throwing fuel on the fire.

As for his son, he's ready for his honeymoon (enemymoon?), and dons just the right ensemble.

His pompadour hair, the open collar, the pinstriping on his shirt and the used car salesman vest?  Louis is showing his true colors now, folks.  What a tool.

As for his lost wife, Princess Blair finally agrees to continue with the nightmarish marriage.  After all, what can be more of a nightmare than having to wear your honeymoon clothes that were fitted while you were pregnant, after you've lost your child?



There is no other explanation for why this is so ill-fitted on her.  It's a pretty enough dress, with the sculptural sleeves and the lovely dove gray color, but it hangs on her like a bag.

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this hat phase.  If headpieces of any kind are royal, why couldn't Blair just stick to headbands? 

This navy blue sequinned montrosity looks cheap and tacky and she's too good for it. Kind of like that loser on her arm.

G.G., Part 3 of 3: The Usual Suspects

As you may or may not know, Georgina is my favorite Gossip Girl villain. Everything about the little sociopath is fabulous. Case in point: she's dressed up for a wedding she's not invited to, without a concrete plan of attack, because she just knows she's going to find a way to ruin that wedding.

There is so much I love about this coat: the way the rhinestones serve as shoulder pads, the double-breast, the vaguely Soviet-era military feel. This coat is what a very stylish Disney villain would wear during a New York winter. And did I mention it has rhinestones and is oh-so-very-sparkly?

See, Lily? This is a damned fascinator. This is how you wear headgear to a wedding. Have you learned nothing from the Brits? The bigger the better. I love that Georgina went with something that falls dramatically but doesn't obscure her face. You want to make sure everyone sees the evil gleam in your eye.

Also, how gorgeous is her makeup? The heavy eye with peaches-and-cream skin is so classic Georgina. Clearly, the makeup staff haven't lost their touch ... which means they just choose to make Leighton look like a clown hooker for kicks.

If I ever get super rich, I will totally hire Michelle Trachtenberg to answer my front door like this at dinner parties.

You will all be invited, obviously.

Cap included because Georgina is rocking some killer heels.

How the girl stormed around Manhattan in these is beyond me. I'm pretty sure those heels are so pointy, they're legally considered a weapon in several state (speaking of: I would totally watch an Alias-style show where Georgina is a double-agent and kills people with her heels). 

Georgina's one misstep: this dowdy, sad slip.

You're going to seduce a prince, Georgina. Are you really telling me you couldn't stop by Agent Provacateur on the way? I know New York, there are Victoria's Secrets every ten blocks. This is not the best you could do. It's amateur hour. In fact, I'm almost concerned for you. This borders on self-sabotage.

At least she stepped up her game for the royal wedding. I'm a sucker for sequined dresses, even if this could stand to be hemmed by a couple inches.

It's not the Dynasty-level fabulous I would expect out of Georgina as she's poised to ruin Blair's life, but if you pretend she's wearing the fascinator the look becomes dramatic enough. Personally, I think Georgina should have kept the fascinator on through the whole episode. Should Gossip Girl ever do a 100th episode re-release, Star Wars-style, they should edit in her fascinator with CGI.

Ugh. Boring Prince Louis, whose suit still doesn't fit right on his wedding day.

At least I finally figured out why: the man has tiny shoulders.

Look at them! Look at his tiny shoulders!

It's like he's Mads' long-lost European brother, the Wee-est Little Lollipop of Monaco.

Louis in his wedding attire. I guess it's the formal military uniform of Monaco or something. I don't know.

I'm distracted by how the back of the coat flares out over his hindquarters and makes him look bootylicious.

I was originally going to say that the whole look was very Prince Eric, but then I looked up a picture from The Little Mermaid to compare and realized that the outfits were not at all similar.

 

For starters, even Prince Eric didn't cover himself in ribbons and medals, and Prince Eric was an actual sailor. What has Louis done to win all those bars, other than whine about secrets and wear ill-fitting suits?

It should be noted that, when the royal clergyman looks better in a sport coat than you do, it's time to fire the royal tailor.

A priest who looks this well-suited should not be trusted. End of story. Also, the fact that he spends so much time on his hair is probably a good tip-off that he's up to no good. What that no good is, we may never really understand, but it's definitely no good.

Ugh. Princess Sophie. Are we rid of her and her putty colored dresses yet?

Look at the two of them. So smug. So poorly tailored.

I do, however, find Princess Sophie's attempt at an updo hilarious.

This is what would happen to me if I got drunk and decided to replicate one of Lily's updos. I'm pretty sure that if you poked through the bun, you'd find a teasing comb and half a Snickers bar lost in there.

For the wedding, Princess Sophie breaks out her finest olive brown dress. As we're all aware, there is no shade more universally flattering than olive brown. Look how it brings out the light in her eyes! The shine in her hair! The purse in her lips that can only come from watching your son make terrible life choices!

Points for the hat, though. It's nice to see Sophie in some degree of color, even if she's trying to keep it as far away from her as possible. Sidebar: How annoying must it be to be seated directly behind that hat? Also, I'm calling foul on this many female guests going sleeveless in a Catholic church. It's a royal wedding, not the gun show, people. Throw on a pashmina.

And finally, the question we've all been waiting for: Who. Is. Gossip Girl?

Gossip Girl is none other than Georgina. Although...we here at YKYLF have our doubts. After all, as fellow staffer Lesley-Anne pointed out: "Was she updating from the Ukraine or wherever she was exiled? Do they even have interwebs there?"

The Fasting and the Furious: Part 1 of 2 - The Royals

If it weren't for shows by Josh Schwartz, I'd have no idea what happens on Jewish holidays. Like Chrismakkah and Yom Kippur. I have a feeling this is not the best way to learn about other religions, Because all I've learned from this UES Yom Kippur is you a) don't eat anything, you b) fight over the control of your unborn child, you c) two time your friends and family and you d) get a little cranky about it. Which is to say, Blair announces she's pregnant to the delight and the dramz from both families. Chivy and Nate are helping Diana compete against Gossip Girl by breaking into the Bart Bass Vault, with mixed results and boring stories about Monaco royals (really, do you ever read about Monaco royals in the gossip mags?). Dan's still a bit of a lonely boy because his friends and family continue to have their knickers in a twist over his book (which looks suspiciously inspired by the first Gossip Girl cover). And Chuck is eyeing the therapists couch - either to do the good doctor or to talk. We'll see if a cigar really is just a cigar. 

Let's start with the royalty of Monaco and the UES.

The poor assistant looks like she could moonlight as a depressed Secret Service agent, but Beatrice and Queen Sophie look lovely for having just jetted into town for the event. Beatrice does dressing young and wealthy right - the dresses are short, but she's still hiding the goods (unlike some of our UES friends). And I totally dug the exposed zipper.

Too bad this how Blair decided to dress for her big announcement.

It's like she was caught off guard by their visit while she was hanging around in a tank top she's owned since she was 12 and didn't bother with a bra.  But no. That outfit was totally planned. And planned to wear with these pants.

Sweet merciful...well, at least her tank top matches the floral arrangement. And while I've never been preggers, I feel like you generally don't go for the high waisted trouser that accentuates and covers the expanding belly. Just a guess. 

In another wing of the penthouse, Serena looks like she's starting the day off right in this turquoise sequiny top. 

Don't be too encouraged by her tastefulness. 

Honestly, Serena. Would one more inch have killed you? I really worried that you were going to flash your macaron at the audience if you swung your skirt too fast. And you'd save yourself a lot of pain on those vinyl chairs with an extra inch. I know the pain of legs sticking to the chair, it's not fun. Maybe she could borrow some fabric from Blair's sky high waisted trousers.

Meanwhile, across town, Rufus is still nursing his hurt feelings over being called a trophy husband. And to prove his point, he gets an expensive haircut and wears suede driving loafers while ordering Mr. Chow's with his well dressed, wealthy wife.

Rufus, darling, if it quacks like a duck, well, it's probably a duck. And I looked Mr. Chow up on Yelp. That is not Chinese food for the budget conscious Rufus who used to keep it real in Brooklyn. Maybe you should pack up the pride and pick up the phone to call Dan. Or maybe you should dress up first and go to a fancy Yom Kippur party. Whatevs. 

I feel like Lily just realized she brough a purse made of vinyl, leopard print and a doily to the party. It's like her version of being caught outside in your pajamas. 

Blair, realzing she's pregnant and getting a belly decides that instead of the high waisted bottoms, she's going to cover the baby bump with a giant pink peplum. 

I almost like the dress. I like the neckline and I like the skirt hiding under the peplum. I also enjoy the back of the dress. But I do not dig on the peplum.

Even the impeccably dressed Eleanor agrees with me. The peplum is a bad afterthought on the dress. It's probably what all the parents are thinking. 

Actually, they're probably judging Princess Sophie for bringing the frump to Yom Kippur.

Seriously? A grey sack? I can't think of any party wear a grey sack is okay. Especially if you're royalty. Make like Kate or her grandmother in law The Queen and get something tailored and colourful. Your son, as dull as he is, he knows to get a tailor and he's catching on to the idea of colour. 

Between getting a pink shirt and scheming with medical professionals, I wonder if he's been inspired by Chuck.

However, the Chuck Bass Way of wearing pink shirts are a Master Class in colour theory and style. Because amateurs can't pull off a paisley tie and a purple suit as casual wear. 

Yes, Then Zero - Part 1 of 2 - East Coast

Episode Recap: Serena is still in LA pretending to be a lowely production assistant. Despite buying pot for the now-sober male lead of the movie, Serena somehow lands a promotion, so she might be staying west of the Hudson for a while. Nate, Chuck, and their yacht are also in LA. Chuck spends the episode being manically reckless, while Nate ends up bedding a much older woman (Elizabeth Hurley). Pretty standard for those two. Back on the UES, Blair is fighting a losing battle with Princess Sophie for control of the wedding. Louis won't stand up to his mother, because that would cause conflict and he's far too boring for that. This sends Blair into crazy-must-destroy-everything mode, and she nearly calls off the engagement to run away with Dan (who has learned that his book is going to be published, complete with top-secret Blair information). But the most important thing is that our suspicions from last spring were confirmed...our little Blair Bear is with cub.

Poor Blair has finally realized why the only mothers in fairy tales are wicked stepmothers.  

My favorite thing about this scene is Leighton's posture: she's totally hunched over, Jenny Humphrey-style. She's frustrated and a little petulant, and also totally defeated. She is, however, wearing a really cute dress. I love the cut of the dress on her, and I don't even mind the random hip handkerchief. I can't figure out the pattern, though. Are those flags? Is she that excited to go to the UN? And seriously, why is she so excited to go to the UN? The girl grew up on the UES, I have a hunch she's been around a few dignitaries before.

Also, B, skirt's a little short for a future princess. If you're trying to keep your pregnancy a secret, you might want to go with a hemline that falls below your uterus. Just saying.

Blair might be all about committed relationships, but I have a theory that her hair hates monogamy.

Whenever she's in a relationship, her hair becomes dull and lifeless.

  

Look at that hair. It is sad hair. Remember how, in Free Willy, Willy's bent dorsal fin was a sign that he was depressed? It's just like that, only replace "bent dorsal fin" with "dry, overprocessed and flat hair."

Of course, as soon as she starts to consider breaking up with Louis, her hair springs to life again. It's like the follicular version of Barney Stinson.

Her wardrobe, however, remains unsullied (for now). This dress was, hands-down, my favorite dress of the episode.  

I love the flower print and the structured bodice, and the full skirt is a classic retro-Blair shape. I will say, though, her clothes are awfully tight for a woman who's six weeks pregnant. 

Oh, the UN dress. I'm so conflicted on this one. On the one hand, her hair and makeup are absolutely gorgeous. She is wearing sassy pink shoes. I will be dreaming about her necklace for years. She looks like a princess. Green is a great color on Leighton, and she doesn't get to wear it often enough.

 

On the other hand, I'm pretty sure that the pattern on the dress was inspired by the wallpaper in a Tiki bar. This is a sticking point for me - every time I start to think "Well, the dress does do a nice job of being full without fluffy," another voice chimes in with, "But seriously, what's up with the palm fronds?" Then I'm just left feeling confused and scared. 

I was really expecting Sophie's wedding dress to be awful, but I have to say ... if you're going to be sentenced to wearing royal hand-me-downs, you could do a lot worse than this dress.

It's way more modern than most of the standard puffy wedding dresses out there. Although, this dress will not be near as forgiving when she's five months pregnant at the wedding. Given Princess Sophie's insistence that Blair carry carnations because it's "tradition," I can't wait to see how she reacts to a royal shotgun wedding.

Mother of the bride Eleanor has finally stopped dressing like she's the mother of the bride.  

Gone are the shiny grey tops, replaced by boardroom-appropriate button downs and slacks. It's still not what you'd expect out of a world-rewnowned fashion designer, but at least it's a step up. The top is nothing special, but I do love how it pairs with her chunky chain link necklace.

Again, nothing special, but at least Eleanor's wearing colors. The yellow top has potential, and if it weren't so ill-fitting I'd be raving about it. But, as fellow YKYLF staffer Lesley-Anne would say, golf claps for wearing a yellow top.

Hey, look guys, it's Louasfdlkja;sdfkjs;fadiwaer

Sorry, just the sight of Louis puts me to sleep. If the Humphrey men have boring wardrobes, Louis's wardrobe is the equivalent of watching paint dry. A light, neutral button down, possibly with a checkered print? Yup. Khakis or stiff, never-been-worn jeans? Yup. About as much character development as a Disney prince? Yup. The only reason to include him was because I can't get over how poorly his clothes are tailored.

Louis is really going crazy with this powder blue sportcoat. All I have to say is, it's a good thing that Chuck's on the other coast at the moment, because Chuck's neckerchief would put Louis's Dad jeans to shame.  

Really,  Louis? You're a freaking prince. Buy a tux that fits. That poor jacket is being drawn and quartered. It's just cruel. And press your pants. Forget the fact that you're a prince - you're engaged to Blair Waldorf. That alone is reason enough to press your pants and hire a competent tailor. 

No. Bad Princess. Bad. No greys. 

And finally, the Humphrey men. I'm grouping them together because ... well, Rufus and Dan are beginning to dress even more alike.

I have to say, Rufus is looking pretty trim. Lily's house arrest has been good for him, apparently. And Dan's t-shirt might not be anything special, but he looks good. Different.  At first I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but then ...

 

DAN WAXED HIS CHEST. There is no shag carpetting creeping out of his buttondown. I don't have anything against chest hair, but it was getting to be a bit much. And again, loving the yellow. The button-up style works on Dan - for starters, the shirt fits him. Then again, he's not a prince, so maybe he's allowed to wear oxfords that fit.

Shattered Bass - Part 1 of 3 - The Good

Episode synopsis: Blair is trying to convince Louis' mother that she is a worthy princess. Unfortch, her habit of running off to talk to Chuck in secret makes Louis and his mère suspicious. Charlie finagles an invite to the Constance Billard Alumni Ball from Dan, then throws away her meds, steals Serena's Cotillion dress (except she doesn't), and tries to seduce Dan as "Serena" (or does she?). Uncle Jack comes to town and at first, it seems like he's screwing Chuck over, but then in a double-cross, he kind of saves the day. Oh, and Raina finds out Russell caused the fire that killed her mother. And Russell, pissed at the Bass men's double-cross, lures Blair onto an abandoned rooftop and... to be continued.

So, I've got to come clean. I've been perusing the recaps of this show (mainly for the fashion) but haven't seriously sat and watched an episode of GG for longer than I'd care to admit. But I'm sure everything's the same as last time I watched it... right?

 

Oh, actually, Serena looks even better than I remembered. And she spent most of the episode quite covered-up and classy-looking. Now, from reading recaps, I know this is actually quite unusual. But I think that, given what we learn about Charlie this episode, they needed to make Serena look as sane as possible.

I really did like this dress, which she spends the first half of the episode waltzing around in. It's light and airy and not too short, and I like how she's complimented the airy fabric with heavier necklaces and rings. 

This frock is an unusual colour with an unusual cut, and half of the torso seems to be covered with about 25 brooches. But, Serena being Serena, it looks good. Kind of like a muumuu mixed with a shower curtain, but the fit is nice and, again, she's nicely covered up. It kind of reminds me of something Lily would wear, minus the chest embellishment.

But come on with the earrings. Those are heinous earrings. Those are like JLo circa Jenny-From-The-Block-earrings. The best I can say about them is at least they're a somewhat neutral colour. All in all, though, a nice showing from Serena this week.

(And can I say that I feel a bit ripped off to recap an episode where Serena only wears two outfits? For an episode containing two black-tie events, there was a distinct lack of costume changes.)

Now, I'm not quite sure who this Raina person is, but I thought that her two outfits were cute this week, too. Perhaps a little plain but... well... given what we see some other characters (*cough*Blair*cough*) wearing later on, I think simple and elegant is a good way to appear.

This orange dress was Jen's pick for best outfit of the show. And I think it's pretty, but wouldn't have been my pick.


I like the interesting neckline (what does Raina have against dresses with two straps?), and it falls in this gorgeous, Grecian sort of way:

I wondered about how often these women are driven around in yellow cabs in these designer dresses. Wouldn't they be more nervous of sitting on gum, or something? Or has the recession meant that they can't use their personal limos as frequently?

Princess Sophie, however, I'm certain would never ride around in a yellow cab. You guys, I think she's my favourite character right now. Not for the above outfit, but for what she wore to the engagement party:

Ooh la la and tres bien. LOVE the hemline, LOVE the utilitarian jacket, LOVE the clutch and LOVE LOVE LOVE the neckline:

This, Raina, is how to truly rock a one-strap neckline. This is also my pick for best outfit of the week. {Ok, you might have a point...is it too late to change my pick? - E-I-C Jen} The Princess manages to be both classy, on-trend, fashion-forward and unique all at the same time. Mais oui.

And yes, Jen. It's too late. You made your 700-thread count bed, now lie in it.

{Hmph.}

Moving on. Eleanor also looked fabulous at the engagement party:

She's still a fashion designer, right? Oh, yes, how could I forget VITAMINWATER PROMOTIONAL MOMENT:

On the upside, Eleanor looks good here. And is that bright pink flavour new? Sorry, sorry, I'm just having flashbacks to the VITAMINWATER martini bar from the Season 2 premiere.

Let's all cleanse our palettes with a refreshing picture of Jack:

Yeah, I don't know. He wore this suit the entire episode. I don't know how to recap a bunch of guys in suits and ties, but he looks good here, I think? And he certainly was a good guy this week, saving the day with his clever double-cross.