The Last Days of Disco Stick 1 of 3: The Threesome (Dan, Olivia, and Vanessa)

Episode Synopsis: In this episode we learn some valuable lessons: the third in your threesome is always a stranger, leggings are not pants, to say no to diplomat's sons and drugs (or did we), and that it's okay to sleep with your congressman if he's cute and his wife is a bitch.  And the writers find yet another way to creatively work in the phrase "I'm Chuck Bass" (because even Europeans know what that mean).  

Last week's threesome was trés scandalous avec un menage à trois. But this week we got the morning after. Well, maybe not the very next morning. No one needed to see that walk of shame.  What we did get was Dan's walk of Pimpness:


Right. Worst pimp ever. I sort of dig the jacket, but that dude wears more plaid than all of Seattle in 1991. To the wardrobe department I say: Enough. He's from Brooklyn.  We get it. Now can we get him some better shirts and stop bogarting Rufus' "Lincoln Hawk" style?

Oh, and the worn out henleys aren't any better. Neither was the hat or the emo scarf.


God. That whole outfit was just embarrassing. Even Pete Wentz gave up on those damn scarves.

I guess, in Dan's defense, he needs the plaid if he's going to Tisch:


Maybe it's because I'm Canadian that I wasn't really aware of Tisch, but apparently plaid is de rigeur. Except for Paul and Willow...but we'll get back to them.

But onto numero deux in our threesome: Olivia (I'm saving the best for last).  Honestly, I struggled with Olivia's outfit all episode long. Do I love it? Do I hate it? Is it a dress? Why the brown fringed purse with a black outfit? So many deep questions.


I did kind of hate her jacket. It looks like it should be denim, but it's not.


Let's take one more look at the dress


Seriously. I can't decide. All I can figure out is that she's raiding Vanessa's jewelry box again:


However, unlike her roomie, she knows when to stop and didn't add five necklaces to go with the earrings.  

Olivia did nail it with her dress during the Gaga and the Seven Dwarves:



Great dress. No idea what was going on with that hair though. Rat's nest? It really is time for her to get out of Vanessa's room before she starts mixing and matching patterns and wearing all her jewelry at once.  Because another month with Vanessa and Olivia could end up looking like this:


Solid coat with patterned skirt, honey. Solid.  Or, solid colour skirt with the plaid blanket you're wearing as a coat.  

Although, that scene almost fooled me into thinking that Vanessa went easy on the jewelry. But she didn't


I really enjoyed Amanda's accessory count from her recap of the Grandfather Part II, so let's play "Count how many pieces of jewelry Vanessa wears at one time": two necklaces, but one is double stranded so we're going bring that to three. Two bracelets. A ring that takes over two fingers (I like big cocktail rings, but I don't make them compete with 5 other items). This now brings us to six pieces of jewelry.  Her hair is hiding the dangly earrings. And I'm still trying to decide if those were strings attached to her dress or a really long black necklace, but since it's competing with the dangly necklace, I'm going to call it an accessory.  That brings us to a grand total of eight pieces, or, in Vanessa's world, a casual day with only a couple of accessories. Sort of like the days when the rest of us decide to wear just earrings.

And then there are the boots:



And I give up. There is just no hope for Vanessa Abrams. 

They Shoot Humphreys, Don't They? 2 of 4 - Dan, Olivia, Vanessa, Lily, and Rufus

Dan in a plaid shirt.  Quelle surprise.  Olivia with an attention-grabbing necklace.  Again, quelle surprise.

Vanessa finds a way to jazz up a traditional cardigan with a bold color.  And later she'll find a way to jazz up a typical night out...

In a decidedly more tame atmosphere, Lily's impeccable breeding is rather apparent.  I love the pleating at the top of the dress.

And here's those crazy newlyweds at the Ball.  Rufus looks so dapper!  And that necklace is gorgeous on Lily!

The Grandfather Part II, 3 of 3 - Maureen & Tripp, Dan & Olivia

Finally, the costumers get to dress a candidate's wife, and not just dress Blair like she is a candidate's wife (where have we seen that ruffled shirt/cardigan combo before? Oh, right, last week). Check out Maureen in her best potential first lady gear. 

Even better is seeing her in red. She matches Tripp's tie and she stands out when going up against Grandfather. I especially love that wardrobe defied convention and put a redhead in a very, very red dress. Part of me almost wants Blair to marry Nate, just so she and Maureen can go head to head. 

And of course, the hero, Tripp, looking like the lost Kennedy son. Which, if his last scene with Serena was any indication, he very well could be.

Ugh. The bringers of Fallon. I will never forgive them for it. Although, their wardrobes this week may have been punishment enough.  They didn’t even get a real costume change, just a switch from pajamas to – well, more pajamas, from the looks of it.

Here’s Dan in the world’s most weathered henley. I’m not sure that he didn’t steal this from a long underwear set.

Also, it looks like swine flu isn’t the only epidemic going around. It seems that Olivia caught lumberjack from Dan.

We did learn one important thing about Olivia this week. Apparently, Olivia can dress herself, she just chooses not to. Really, Olivia? You bring your A-game for Fallon, but you wear Paul Bunyan's hand-me-downs for Scrabble with your boyfriend?

How to Succeed in Bassness, 2 of 4 - Jenny, Lily, and Olivia

Jenny's back!  I don't know where she's been, maybe she's had to stay home and figure out ways to evade the dress code?  This would make sense since this in no way resembles the Constance uniform.  Her jacket is awesome though! Maybe I could borrow it some time??  It's tough but also feminine because with the ruffle-like lapel. 

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She is definitely not wearing the Constance plaid skirt...looks like shorts? And fishnets? And silver heels? Hmmm....I guess high school girls in NYC wear much different clothes to school than Midwest girls. 

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse...it does.  Jenny looks like some hobo begging for money (or drugs, I suppose) on the Met steps.  And if not a hobo, then definitely on the worst walk of shame I've ever seen.  Oversize t-shirt because she threw up on herself, skirt looks a little ripped and disheveled because she just rolled out of some dude's bed, and hair stringy and messy.  Yeah, that's it for sure.

Lily.  You've just been dressing beautifully.  Epitome of the Upper East Side mother.  Enough said.

I'm not a huge fan of this suit.  The jacket is a little boxy (I really like the neckline of it) though, but overall pretty clean and simple.  I still can't say anthing bad. 

I'm still adjusting to Hilary Duff on the show now, even more so adjusting to the fact that her and Dan are dating.  It just seems weird.  I guess I still see her as Lizzie McGuire...she was great on that, and I think I like her tween-teen wardrobe on that show than her character Olivia's wardrobe here.  The shirt/cardigan, whatever it is, is too buttoned up, literally.  If it was open over a tank, I would like it better.  The color isn't very flattering on her skin tone either.  And paired with that blah colored handbag, no wonder Dan rather wanted to watch her in that vampire movie!

How to Succeed in Bassness, 4 of 4 - The Costumes

Now of course these characters wouldn't actually dress up as a celebrity, or an animal, or a movie character like regular dress up as for Halloween, why would we expect that?  These Upper-East-Siders dress as an "era."  And the funny thing is that for most of them, it's not too different from their "real-life" clothes.  They must be on a budget, so they pulled pieces that they already owned.  Yeah, right.

Blair's flapper dress and accessories definitely look they something she might wear on a normal night out.  The jet-black chunky necklaces are a little edgy for her, but the thing I'm not understanding are the gloves.  Channeling Michael Jackson of the '20s?

Basically Chuck is really not wearing something significantly different than usual except he traded the pocket square for a flower, and added a fedora

Did women in the '20s wear pants?  I wasn't really aware of that.  I don't even know really what to say about this outfit. 

I must pay some respect to Jenny's hair and makeup.  It looks FAN-tastic.  She doesn't look super pale and her lips are a normal red color.  Her hair doesn't look stringy or dead either! Too bad it takes a costume to for Jenny to make her hair and makeup look normal. 

Nate obivously raided Chuck's closet.

Dan and Olivia.  Meh.  Looks like they are from the right decade, so I guess it works.

And finally...Serena.  Love the cape, it's a nice touch and a little different from what everyone else was wearing. 

But then, Serena takes off the cape.  This is just a beaded, sequined, rhinestoned dress.  Since when does this dress constitute what one would find at a speakeasy?  More than that, and which we can't see here,  it's a mini-dress!  While hemlines were going up during this time, they were definitely not up to Serena's crotch-grazing lengths!....it is a pretty dress though!