Gossip Girl: New York, I Love You XOXO

As the YKYLF staff pours one on the ground for the passing of this once epic series, we take a moment to try and understand the final moments. It's a bit like untangling a ball of yarn after the cat has dragged it under the couch. For starters, we'll never truly understand the feud between Chuck and Bart. And while it took a tip off from a teenage girl to help the police find Chuck, it took Uncle Jack to be the angel of all the fangirl wishes: the union of Chuck and B. Yes, a stylish marriage of convenience took place at the Met to ensure Blair would never testify and that the two could end their silly pact and be together forever and ever and ever. Bart's death not only freed the happy couple, but it also freed Nate from creditors, William from Ivy, Lily from...well...I don't know anymore with Lily. I'm pretty sure she's spiked the tea but good because Bart's second death rolled off her back like someone told her dinner was cancelled. Serena practically turns the plane around to be with Dan after reading his love letter, then they become their own implausible epic love story. And after all the cue cards on the pool table to figure it out, no one saw the truth coming. Not even Bell and Bilson - it was Lonely Boy all along. After all, you're nobody until somebody writes a blog and two best sellers about you.

Five years later, the world is topsy turvy! Nate is not even 30 and people want to vote him mayor! And the NY Spectator is a success! And Blair got pregnant days after the wedding! And Eric van der Woodsen looks kind of like a greasy bar owner from the Hamptons! And Jenny doesn't talk! And Lily is now Lily Rhodes van der Woodsen Mueller Bass Humphrey Bass van der Woodsen! And Rufus is with Lisa Loeb! And Georgina is with Jack! And in the least believable of all these things - Serena and Dan get married in front of only those people in a living room to the same song that closed out Sex and the City. As if.

Party du Jour
A marriage of convenience between Chuck and Blair. Why not. It's not the weirdest thing these 22 year olds have ever done. 

Best Quotes
"You can't talk to her. She's a minor." - Nate. Still not seeing the error in his ways.

"We can do the same thing we did the last time Bart died." - Lily. Clearly not that bothered about her husband's second death.

"Gossip Girl is dead." - Dan.

Best Outfit
I have mixed feelings about it, but you know what? Blair's second wedding dress wins the day. She was lovely in blue and I liked the head piece. 

Worst Outfit
I was originally going to hand it to Sage for going full on Girls hipster-adjacent in her brown plaid and frumpy chartreuse cardigan. Yet somehow, I didn't entirely hate it. Not nearly as much as I hated Serena's gold lame living room wedding dress. S couldn't let us go without solidifying her place in the YKYLF Hall of Shame.

It's the end of an era here as our namesake show comes to an end, and on Thursday I'll write my final Gossip Girl recap. Sob.

Gossip Girl: The Revengers

Remember when this was a show about wealthy teenagers behaving badly? That's okay, neither do the writers. The gang tries to take Bart down using Byzantine warfare as an inspiration. It turns out you should never get involved in a land war in Asia or use Byzantine warfare against Bart, because he's already on it. He has Nate arrested for fraud, pretend-kidnaps Blair, and the only way to keep them safe is for Chuck to move to Moscow. Of course! Chuck's plane then goes down, yet Bart shows no remorse or concern. So he's gone from generally ruthless to pointlessly evil? Fear not Chuck fans, like any good Bass, the reports of his death are wildly exaggerated and he returns in time to accuse his father of attempted murder. Dan is actually in love with Serena and always has been (at least for this week), but S is running away to LA. His grand move? Convincing Bart he'll say nice things, but then doing the exact opposite! And then sneak the "nice" Serena chapter into her bag. Such a romantic. Sage knows how to comfort Nate through all this - by suggesting he uncover the secret identity of the mysterious community manager who has haunted him since junior high. And in a final confrontation between pere and fils, Bart slips off a skyscraper roof, with Blair and Chuck watching. Talk about a cliffhanger! 

Party du Jour
A gala to honour Bart Bass as "New York Real Estate's 2012 Man of the Year". Wasn't he dead for most of 2012? 

Best Quotes
A convoluted episode, but so, so many amazing one-liners:

"Now I won't be able to step into the guest bath without thinking about your Geor-gina." Dan being all smart with the word play. 

"Moscow? As in Russia?" Chuck. What? How did you ever run a business? 

"Phone stealing? Seriously? That's the training bra of treachery." Georgina. She would know. 

Best Outfit
While her gala coat was kind of frumpy, Serena was downright tasteful. Everything was covered in gorgeous black lace. And then she goes full Lily in the upper half of her travel outfit.  But a shout out to Georgina for being able to wear a necklace that large and not get a neck ache. 

Worst Outfit
Sage dresses like a 70 year old nana headed to a Palm Beach New Year's party. And Blair was just a mess of patterns and textures in her gala outfit.

It's the penultamite recap of our namesake show, and on Thursday Editor-in-Chief Jen will weigh in one last time on the show that inspired her. 

Gossip Girl: It's Really Complicated

Despite the episode's title, I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's really not. Unless you make it so. And our friends on the UES excel at making things really complicated, particularly during the holidays.  B cancels plans for Paris to help S and Lonely Boy throw a feast for friends...and enemies, as it turns out. B turns to teen hellion Sage for help, which leads to S finding Steven and Sage in grocery store. (A place I'm sure none of them knew existed. That is what the help is for.) Speaking of daddy issues, Nate sleeps with a teenager and Chuck drowns his sorrows in a bottle until B shows up dressed in the skimpiest Native-American themed outfit she could find. Dan has apparently written two "Serena chapters" (one naughty, one nice) and tries to decide which he should release. Thankfully, Georgina is around to make sure the chapter with the most entertainment value is published. While S is hurt, Lonely Boy gets on his high horse and rides back to Brooklyn with whatever plan he's been cooking. Rufus gives out advice that no one listens to, Lily changes her mind about which Bass to believe (we'll see how long that lasts. I'm not sure she's to be trusted), buisness associates of Bart's turn up dead, and Bart and Nate continue with their blackmail plot (hands in the air if you just don't care about that one).

 Party du Jour
S and Lonely Boy host a Thanksgiving party for the whole gang.

Best Quotes
"Aren't you supposed to be on a white sandy beach where no one pays any capital gains tax?"

"Hey Dan, that was from all of us," said the pots as they called the kettle black as Nate punched Dan. 

Best Outfit
The skirt was short, but S in a fair isle sweater and flippy skirt with boots was adorable. 

Worst Outfit
Blair's culturally insensitive role playing outfit wins, handsdown. I guess it's a good thing she's friends with S again, otherwise, where would she get that outfit on such short notice? While infinitely more modest, the grey pantsuit wasn't much better when it comes to style choices.

 
Only two episodes left! And Bethany gets to be thankful for the last Thanksgiving episode of the series. 

Gossip Girl: Save the Last Chance

In the course of one episode, Ivy macks on three different dads: Rufus, William vdW, and Bart. (Although the last one was for pictures only. Less creepy?) She pits Bart and Chuck against each other to see who will win The Implicating Microfilms, but Brooklyn wins when Rufus swipes them and visits Lily to a) hand over said microfilm and b) confirm that Lily is spiking her tea. Lily burns the microfilm, sends Charles into a downward spiral of expensive booze, and renders Ivy unhinged. Shoulda made a copy, sweetheart.

In the B-plot (A-plot? I can't tell anymore.) Blair successfully launches her juniors line, yet measures her success on whether or not she's with Chuck. (She's not. Pacts and whatnot, you know.) To "make it work" and sell the line, she once again solicits Sage's help. B never learns. Which is probably why she once again utters the words, "I missed you S. You're my best friend." And while S is sure that she and Dan are on the path to making sweet, true love, Dan tells Georgina he's actually writing "the Serena Chapter". Is he lying to S? To Georgie? Or maybe to ALL THE PEOPLE?

 

Party du Jour
"B for Waldorf" is launched, and the dons of the five families (aka Mean Girls at the fancy schools) party at the pop-up. This may be the fastest a collection has ever been put together.

Best Quotes
“Lily's been divorced four, five times. Who can keep count?” — Ivy. We hear that.

Best Outfit
While the length of the skirt was dangerously macaron bearing, S and her day-glo colour blocking (accessorized by a striped purse) was a stand out number.

Worst Outfit
S undoes any ground she gained with grown-up formal wear in earlier episodes by breaking out some Barbarella-ish, cleave-tastic, and completely inappropriate wear for the launch of a teen fashion line.

 
Anne will be back on Thursday to try to make sense of Serena's dress and a plot that had little to do with anything that's ever happened on the show. The writers are maybe spiking their own chamomile?

Gossip Girl: Where the Vile Things Are

Eleanor Waldorf is back and disappointed with Blair's mean girl attempts to ruin her business. The solution? Bully all the people! Rufus is surprised that no one wants to cross the bridge to his new party and he blames Lily. The solution? Buy all the art! Dan is still crashing on couches across the UES and writing about his friends and being hurt when they get mad at him. S is already over Steven and ready move on from her broken engagement. A convenient elevator malfunction helps her and Dan get a little closer. That can't possibly go wrong.  Bart hid his deepest darkest secrets on the back of a painting that was sold, while Chuck is still trying to uncover the secret that no one else cares about. Except maybe Ivy, who's scheming with a mysterious someone. And B may be on the road to becoming less emotionally stunted as she realizes her strengths don't lie in desigining slutty debutante dresses.

 Party du Jour
It's the battle of the art party: Lily vs Rufus. Whose art will win?!?

Best Quotes
“And you remain a kept man.” — Lily.
Truthsauce, sister. Truthsauce.

"The person no one cares about anymore is you." — Nelly Yuki

Best Outfit
Tough call this week. Before she put on her coat and started carrying an old lady purse, Blair's day dress was totally adorable. 

Worst Outfit
Serena's geometric patterned jeggings were a complete and utter eyesore. 

Only four more episodes left! Steph will be back on Thursday to weigh in on which dress was best.