Shattered Bass - Part 3 of 3 - The Crazy

You guys! There were so many surprise cameos in this episode, I could hardly stand it. First up: Kati and Iz!

Ten pounds of accessories? Check. Matching outfits? Check. Confused bitchfaces? Check, check. 

And then, and THEN, we are treated to the much-anticipated return of Mini S and Mini B from The Dark Knight.

Aww, all growed up! Never change, you two.

Another unexpected cameo appearance was made by Serena's dress and hairstyle from Hi, Society.

Except, it's not. I know, I thought it was too. But seriously, go back and look at our Hi, Society recap and you'll see it's a leeetle different. Charlie's is a bit more yellow, the trim at the top is more metalic, and it doesn't have the same rosettes at the bottom. But still. It's no accident that it's a dead ringer.

Speaking of Charlie, this week the role of Serena van der Woodsen will be played by HER INSANE COUSIN. And she's not insane just because of her nutso scheming to take over Serena's life. She's insane by emptying out her pill bottle into a TRASH CAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LIVING ROOM. Like, nobody's going to notice that? Ever heard of flushing them down the toilet?

I had my doubts about her when we saw her here, wearing a candy necklace and a Ring Pop as a ring. That much high-fructose corn syrup is no good for anybody, even as jewellery. And is it just me, or does she weirdly look like a blond Blair sometimes?

Remember Anne's warning last week about a girl in jeggings? "Never trust a girl in jeggings." To that, I would like to add: "especially when she is wearing over-the-knee socks and boots on top of the jeggings." "And when her name is Charlie Rhodes."

And as Dan learned, back away slowly when a girl who is not Serena asks you to call her Serena while she's seducing you. Never a good sign.

Also never a good sign? One of Blair's Audrey Hepburn fantasy sequences. Those always start out so well, and then turn into nightmares, don't they? However, her Roman Holiday sequence with Louis was sweet (...you know, until Louis turned into Chuck, who crashed the Vespa)

And before we get to Blair's engagement dress, I would like to take a moment to appreciate Louis. Is he crazy for getting engaged to Blair so quickly? Yes, but can you blame him? She is fabulous.

Interestingly, Louis was also wearing a purple shirt this week (remember Chuck's checked one?). He is also wearing this gorgeous suede jacket, and a very sweet, handsome look on his face.

If this was Pretty Little Liars (the show I usually recap), we would have had some quality Louis shirtlessness this week. Alas, I guess Gossip Girl is too highbrow for that sort of thing these days. The closest we get is the machismo Louis shows when he goes to confront Chuck about Blair:

On PLL, we get gratuitous male shirtlessness. On GG, they just have to unbutton their coats. Make of that what you will.

So. Blair.

She starts off this week so happy, in this orangey-fuschia dress with the most amazing necklace I have ever seen.

It's like a lei mixed with heavy-duty chainlink mixed with fabulosity. I covet this, although the bold flowers foreshadow what's to come later on. However, I thought she looked adorable strolling down the street with Louis and his mother:

In the white coat and tights, she looks very reminscent of Season 1 Blair. Which is a neat callback, considering Charlie was dressed as Season 1 Serena, and her Season 1 minions made an appearance too!

But I know what you want to talk about. Blair's engagement dress.

Well, it's definitely ornate. Check it out from the back:

I guess she's going for the whole "royal" thing here? Unfortunately, she has dressed herself up like the wall decorations of Versailles from the ribcage up, and like Morticia Addams from the waist down:

I just... I don't know about this one. It's certainly an interesting dress, but the fact that she wore it for half of the episode made its insanity stand out even more.

Oh, and then she throws this Joan Crawford-meets-80s-working-girl jacket on top of it, like that's going to help:

Yeah. That doesn't help. I snooped around a bit to see if I could find out who designed this dress, but it seems to be a closely guarded secret. I suspect that the designer responsible doesn't want their name attached to this Halle-Berry-2002-Oscar-dress-meets-10-pounds-of-velvet ensemble. {It's since been identified...Alexis Mabille Fall 2010 - Jen}

I did feel bad for B, though. She finally came clean to Louis, who loves her anyway, only to be put in peril yet again for Chuck's wrongdoing (which wasn't even really Chuck's fault, this time). Who will she choose? Will she wear this dress for the whole next episode? And WTF is Georgina doing back in town?

Can't wait for next week, you guys. I think I might be sucked back into this show.

A Thin Line Between Chuck & Nate - Part 2 of 2 - A Thin Line Between Hate and Intense Dislike

The complicated plot that’s been brewing since the very beginning of season one comes to a head in this episode.  When the truth about Blair’s relationship with both Nate and his BFF Chuck is revealed, her position as Queen of Constance is ultimately challenged.

One of Eric Daman’s greatest strengths is how he can use Blair’s wardrobe to show us what she’s going through emotionally.  The uniform Blair wears in the opening sequence is a perfect example of this.

The black patent leather (patent leather?  Really, Blair?) trench is actually kind of cute, but completely unlike Blair. Clearly she’s under severe emotional stress or else she wouldn’t have dressed this way.  Even the red head wrap is questionable, though her sleek curls are definitely enviable.  Also notice the tightly buttoned shirt and tie that reach all the way to her throat.  She’s completely closed off.

The rest of the outfit? 

Blair, this should never happen.  Ever.  Those tights.  Those shoes.  You know better than this, and if you weren’t preoccupied with that pregnancy test in your hand, you’d agree with me.

How much does Blair wish she still had her long-gone virginity?  Her nightwear in this episode answers the question.  

She looks like a six year old in this.  The pale lavender shade, the ruffles, the smocked bodice—it smacks of innocence.  Not even Nate would like this.

The day all of Blair’s past shit hits the fan, she dresses in the following:

Let’s count the layers that Blair is wearing:

1. Long (to the floor) green wool coat
2. Red cutaway coat (is it really that cold that you have to wear two coats?)
3. Frumpy, baggy navy blue jumper that could possibly hold triplets

Also, I’ve mentioned the horrible white tights before, and here they are, back again.  Yes, they’re better than those neon red legging-tights she was wearing the day before, but that doesn’t mean they’re good either.

The one positive in this entire ensemble is the red jacket, which has beautiful detailing and a fantastic cut.  Plus, I’ve said it before, but Blair truly looks beautiful in red.

Another headband, this one a boring matchy-matchy green.  This is not one of Blair’s better ensembles.  In fact, this whole episode is complete fail for Blair.  Clearly emotional trauma cuts off the fashion directrix part of Blair’s personality.

Truthfully, the entire episode is one big sartorial spiral.  Once the truth’s out, basically Blair metaphorically rolls over and gives up completely.  No wonder neither Chuck or Nate want her, especially if she’s dressed this way.

The maroon heather wool coat is too fussy, too detailed, and just plain ugly.  Plus it actually makes Blair look pregnant, probably not what she was going for.

The head wrap is pathetic looking, completely unlike her normal pristine, prim headbands.  And that hideous gold fringe bowtie?  What flea-ridden circus performer did she steal that from?  Not even Vanessa would deign to tie that around her neck.

The full view is even worse.  And I thought the white tights were bad! But these white anklets and the pathetic, sad little flats leave me speechless.  Blair doesn’t wear flats, even when she’s sad!

Correction:  Queen B doesn’t wear flats, especially when she’s sad.

Mean Girls protégé Jenny Humphrey sartorially slays her mentor.  I especially love the chic twists that Jenny works into her school uniforms.  She’s fearless when it comes to color, which can really make or break an outfit.

I love the purple tights, and the plaid romper is a nice staid contrast to their playful tone.  However, I can’t say that the romper is all that flattering.  From this angle, it even makes Jenny look pregnant.

Yep.  Maybe this whole outfit was Eric Daman’s idea of a joke?  I hope so.

The other thing I hate about this is the ugly green cardigan.  It’s too big, the pattern is obnoxious, and the big button is distracting and holds little functional purpose.

J’adore  the little plaid hat with puffball! This light blue coat is one we’ve seen Jenny wear before, but unlike her father’s ugly sweater, it’s a welcome sight.

This outfit of Jenny’s is almost identical to what she wore a day earlier, but instead of purple and green, she wears touches of baby pink.

Not a fan of her Pepto Bismal tights, but I do love her light pink beret.  It’s a stunning shade with her hair.  Speaking of her hair, I really like it worn this way, with soft touchable waves.

Jenny goes for a different look the day she takes over for the Queen B, working the hell out of an awesome red plaid trench.

This is so much more sophisticated than the usual jelly bean colors Jenny wears.  I like that it’s the first outfit she wears when she takes over the crown at Constance, because you can clearly see her style maturing.

Even her narrow gold headband looks lifted straight from the Queen B’s collection.

We see a lot more of Katy and Isabel this episode, as well as the rest of the Mean Girls contigent—Penelope and Hazel specifically.  The other girls don’t dress with quite the stylish, crack-tastic flair that Kati and Isabel rock on a regular basis.  In fact, they often seem like cookie cutter derivative versions of Blair herself.

The one look the Mean Girls truly own is fantastic outerwear, which is appropriate.  They spend so much of their time on the Met steps trying to prove their superiority to all the plebeians.

Hazel wears a particularly stunning trio of coats.

Beyond the bright red, black and gray houndstooth pattern, how much do we love the little bow accent on the collar?  And her hair is practically designed to wear a headband.  Oh wait.  I bet you it probably is.

Love the ingénue style that Hazel owns here.  The coat is stunning, a lovely combination of light and dark gray, with contrasting buttons and cuffs.  The delicate gold headband is practically angelic, but then we all know better, right?

This ensemble is Hazel’s only misstep and it’s slight.  After all, there’s practically a mania for pattern-mixing going in the UES.

The pastels in the plaid of the coat don’t mix well with the jewel tones of Hazel’s tie and sweater vest.  The headband is yet another plaid, which is just one too many.

Unlike Hazel, Penelope always seems to get so close, but she never manages to get all the way there.

The pieces are all there—the gray pattern on her coat is interesting and unique, but from the buckling of the fabric around her chest, it’s clearly a size too tight.  The beads aren’t terrible by themselves, but with a look as staid and traditional as Penelope’s, she should steer far away from obvious costume jewelry.  The headband, however, is just right—a lovely red plaid that contrasts with her dark hair.

This is just all wrong for Penelope.  I sincerely doubt that belt came with the coat, because the two together do not work.  By itself the coat is intriguing enough, but of course, a shade too tight, and the belt, designed to showcase Penelope’s waist, sticks out like a sore thumb.  Or a seatbelt.  Not even the headband can salvage this because it’s too blue and too large and too shiny.  Not a good look for our resident sourpuss.

The newest member of the Mean Girls—the new Jenny actually, is beyond adorable, and you almost don’t want to see her get sucked into the same cycle of backstabbing and stylistic similarities that have infected the other girls.

Kati and Isabel never fail to make me giggle with their outrageousness.

These outfits are downright traditional for them, but the unique plaid on Kati’s coat is awesome—though her ugly costume necklace isn’t.  I do however love the plaid earmuffs.

It’s Anna Karenina exponential!  Love the coats, the detailing is beautiful, and I wish I could have seen more of them.  The hats?  Well, I did use the word cracktastic earlier, and it definitely applies.  But then these two can pretty much get away with anything and they’re clearly aware of that particular fact.

Eric Daman, as usual, saves the best for last.  The coats are simple enough with their black and white checked pattern, but the massive Valentine’s Day cookie that Isabel is wearing as a necklace, paired with those ridiculous netted hats could win awards for the most outrageous school uniform.

But wait!  There’s more!

Patterned painter’s smocks and sequined berets?  Mes filles, this is merely a blip on fashion radar of this terrible twosome.  I especially love Isabel’s red and blue polka-dotted mittens.

Eleanor has made some very suspect fashion decisions in the last few episodes.

This isn’t fabulous, but it’s such an improvement I can’t be too critical.  The blue is lovely and flattering against her skin tone, and while the ruffled neckline and sleeves are a bit overdone for an older woman, it’s sophisticated enough that Eleanor still (barely) pulls it off.

This, however, is a big fat hell no.

I like to see Eleanor embracing more color, but puke-mustard yellow is not a shade she should ever work into her palette.  Add in that sad black lace placket, and that whole blouse is a trainwreck.  Paired with the overly embellished, pearl-trimmed cardigan, it’s not one of Eleanor’s best efforts.

The boys as usual leave me wanting more.  Well, not Chuck of course.  As if Chuck would ever leave a woman wanting more.

Nate, however, only manages to accent his wrinkled St. Jude’s uniform with a plain blue trench coat and a red striped scarf.  I’m shaking my head right now because doesn’t Nate get it?  Chuck owns the scarf.

For God’s sake, tuck in your shirt!

But if you’re going to insist on incorporating a scarf into your meager, incredibly bland wardrobe, take a page out of Chuck’s book.  Pair it with an awesome plaid coat complete with fur trimmed hood. 

Because Chuck’s the only one who realizes that it’s winter and cold in New York.  So what if he looks like an extra straight out of a Russian bond set?  He’s Chuck Bass.

Or perhaps he’s actually starring in Newsies?

The plaid vest is actually fabulous though, and though I shouldn’t, the cap is actually rather adorable on him.  Instead of making him look more sophisticated, he actually looks young and well. . .in love.

Just like Blair, Chuck spends much of this episode in a serious funk and it’s clear from his wardrobe, if not his expression above.

Green warmup pants and a mustard yellow turtleneck paired with that ugly brown and black shawl cardigan.  In this outfit, Chuck, you’d look right at home in a nursing home, laid up with arthritis.  Also, never make me type the words “mustard yellow” in reference to your attire ever, ever again.

Chuck’s crowning achievement I think ever in the annals of Gossip Girl fashion is this next ensemble.  Nobody else could make this look even remotely masculine, but he’s Chuck Bass and of course he pulls it off with aplomb.

If Chuck was going to play shuffleboard and bingo, this baby pink cardigan with black and white check accents would be perfect.  Unfortunately, he’s mainlining scotch and comparing Blair to a sweaty horse so perhaps not the best sartorial choice for his evening’s entertainment.  Still, a brave choice for a young man in his prime to dress like a hobbling, arthritic retiree.

School Lies - Part 1 of 3 - Sink or Swim?

Episode Synopsis: the entire junior class are keeping their lips zipped after an accident at an illicit pool party leads to the risk of expulsion for all concerned. If no one tells who broke in, no one can be punished – but Dan’s stressing over his scholarship, Serena’s racked with guilt (guess who did the deed), and Vanessa’s got Chuck and Blair in a bind over a videotape which could land both in a lot of hot water with Nate. Let’s roll on with the show...

Blair starts this episode in what is for her, rather a coup: a red polka-dotted two piece which seems eons away from the quite prudish Blair of this season. The top half is a cute halterneck, but the bottom half...I couldn’t get a clear picture, but it appears to be a pair of shorts with a little flouncy skirt over the top. Blair-like? Yes. Sexy? Heck no!

Serena, however, looks ready to do herself proud in this black backless onesie. Its plunging neckline and skinny patent belt showcases her trim figure, while the slightly longer cut on the legs of the suit reduces the risk of any bikini line issues (!) A cute blue cuff is S’s only accessory.

The first shot we get of Nate this episode is as a shadowy Aquaman, attempting to seduce Blair via underwater hijinks. She shoots him down, and I can see why: plain black trunks with a white drawstring are not quite enough to make a girl swoon. Poor N, it’s not his fault he’s so boring; it can’t help to have a best friend with a colour palette so varied that he stalks around like a sex-crazed bowl of fruit.

Oh Chuck, you are my guiding light. In lifeguard-like attire complete with whistle, our favourite bad boy romps home in a red and white striped vest with matching Hawaiian shorts. Only Chuck could pull this off, with or without the Wayfarers he adds to hide from Blair’s reproachful stare. Yum...

Kati and Iz get an honourable mention for rocking these flowered bathing caps. Way to be kitsch, ladies.

As for the Brooklynites, they’re just like fish out of water (if you'll excuse the pun).

Is that Rufus’ shirt, Dan? It’s way too big, and over the top of baggy jeans it verges on ludicrous.

Vanessa is, as ever, a symphony of colour: I like her fuchsia top, but turquoise jeans and an excess of accessories (count – three bracelets, one enormous cocktail ring, one scarf, one necklace, huge gold earrings = identity verified) take away any appeal from its hippie chicness. They also seem to have missed one important detail...IT’S A POOL PARTY!

Hi, Society - Part 1 of 3 - The Debutantes

Summary:  Gossip Girls, it’s Debutante season!  Blair, of course, considers this one of the most important days of her life, so she naturally selects royalty to be her escort.  Chuck and Nate however, have other plans.  Nate’s seen how relaxed she is lately—not realizing that it’s his best friend who’s “working out” all of Blair’s tension.  He decides he wants her back, and despite the secret sexual thrall Chuck has over her, Blair agrees.  Lily’s mother CeCe appears, Banquo-like, determined that Serena will make her debut and she’ll make it with Carter Baizen, who’s decided that looking like Matthew McConaughey between movies won’t win our fair maiden’s heart.  Allison Humphrey has her art show debut the same night as the ball, and can’t win her daughter away from the diamonds and dancing that Lily holds out like a lure.  And Allison definitely can’t keep Dan away from the belle of the ball, Serena.

The Debutante Ball is an event practically tailored for the likes of Blair Waldorf.  There’s gowns, polished parquet floors, champagne and backstabbing girls—and nevermind the formal dancing.

Here’s what Blair chooses to wear to the debutante rehearsal:  a navy romper, a matching blue tie, ruffled white shirt, and bright red tights.  This outfit is another example of the individual parts not being nearly as good as the whole.  I probably shouldn’t love this, but I do anyway.  Rompers have been blasted more than once on YKYLF, but I have to admit, if you’re going to wear a romper, this is the way to do it.  Blair looks crisp and classic and colorful—and wonderful.

This is literally the second time we’ve seen Blair wear jeans (or really, pants of any kind).

And now we know why.  It’s not her body—despite what she thinks, her body is practically flawless—it’s the cut of the jeans.  I know from personal experience, skinny jeans don’t work very well if you have short legs.

However, the rest of the outfit is a breath of fresh air for Blair.  The camel cable sweater paired with the wide-collared emerald green corduroy jacket is a nice combination and is lovely with her coloring.  Plus, it’s really nice to see Blair wear something more casual once in awhile.

It’s odd to see the above outfit compared to the one below, also worn while supposedly just lying around the house.

This filmy purple dress with a magenta sash is lovely.  It’s fun and flirty, paired with the black slingback stilettos, though I find it rather formal attire for a casual evening at home.

I wish we could have seen more of this ivory eyelet dress worn with pearls and a dainty pale gold headband.  But even what we see of it, I think we can give Blair a big A+ for looking her best at the reception held for the debutantes.

And finally, we come to the most important outfit Blair wears until she gets married.

Her debutante gown.

Okay, so I’m fairly sure that I’m going to get tarred and feathered for this, but from the moment I saw it, I thought this dress was a massive error in judgment.  It’s astonishing that for the first gown Eric Daman ever designed for the show, he decided to create this monstrosity.

The silvery brocade fabric isn’t terrible, though close up it looks very matronly.

I can’t even talk about the bow.  I’ve been permanently scarred by its parrot-like quality, perched there, right on the Queen B’s shoulder.  The rest of the bodice isn’t so bad, though from this angle it looks particularly ill-fitted on the opposite-bow shoulder.  Oh wait.  Those are pleats and they’re supposed to be there.

Undoubtedly, the very worst part of this dress is the bottom half, which resembles a car wash—plus makes Blair look chunky, which she is most definitely not.

My good friend Bella, when hearing I was going to be doing a recap of "Hi, Society," insisted that I specifically talk about both Blair and Chuck’s gloves.  As for Blair’s, sorry Bella, I can’t say that I’m a fan of them.

It’s not the idea of the gloves I dislike, but the execution.  The fabric the gloves were made in is the same silver brocade as the dress, and it’s too bulky to make a sleek-fitted glove.

On a more positive note, the simple chignon is classic and elegant, and I like the understated makeup.  However, I have to give my overwhelming approval for the necklace she’s wearing, as well as her drop diamond earrings.

Sorry, Blair, I have to be honest—this was not your best moment.  But, don’t worry, you’ll do better next time.

Oh Chuck, you break me with your suave style.

Could anyone else wear a checked khaki jacket with a St. Jude’s uniform and the famous (or infamous) scarf?  I think not.

Chuck truly brings it this episode.

I love this gray wool jacket with contrasting black trim.  The collar is so cool, with its buttons and unusual shape.  It works great in combination with the light pink shirt and blue polka-dotted ascot.

As much as I love formal Chuck, I love casual Chuck even more—he gets really creative with his look.  This big toggle-buttoned coat is simply awesome, though I’m not entirely sure about these jeans stuffed into the boots.  He kind of looks like a hunter on vacation, which is nearly the exact opposite of what he actually is: a scheming, womanizing, boozing billionaire’s son.

Okay, I lied.  I adore formal Chuck too.  This is honest to god one of the best formal Chuck moments to date or perhaps even the future (though I positively worship his sparkly tux in "It’s a Wonderful Lie").

This tuxedo is a miracle of sartorial sumptuousness.

The sparkly white shirt, paired with the satin bow tie and placket and large cuffs?  Glorious.

The severely tailored jacket?  Even more glorious.

The shiny skinny pants?  Um, not so glorious.

And for Bella, I will admit that Chuck’s gloves here are fantastic.  A million times better than Blair’s.  Plus, who doesn’t like a gentleman in gloves?  Not that Chuck is necessarily a gentleman, but he’s a bad boy masquerading as one, which is so much better.

Oh, look.  It’s more rumpled St. Jude’s uniforms from Nate!  What a huge surprise.

Does the man even know how to straighten a tie?  Or tuck in a shirt?

To woo Blair back, Nate changes into a casual outfit—and more astonishingly, it isn’t blue.

Actually, the sweater isn’t bad.  I like the little argyle detail in the upper right hand corner; its slightly more creative than what he generally wears.  An improvement overall.

But when he gets fitted for his tuxedo, we see him take about ten steps back from the green sweater. 

This tux seems like the first step in Nate’s plan to dress more interesting (or perhaps more like Chuck?), but he’s apparently decided he wants to go into the music industry and moonlight as MC Hammer.

Blair, who’s supposed to be supervising this fitting, is clearly a little distracted by a certain bad boy, because she doesn’t tell Nate that he looks ridiculous.

Admittedly, once the tux is properly fit, it does look better, but I still think the grey was an unfortunate choice that Blair definitely should have vetoed, even if it did match her dress.

Carter Baizen, Chuck’s nemesis, is back this episode and he’s been told by Grandma Cece that he has to win Miss Serena's heart.

This isn’t a terrible formal tuxedo look, but it seems off somehow.  The bow tie and vest are ill-fitting and an excessively boring dark gray when paired with the stark black and white of his shirt and jacket.  Plus, there’s too much gel in his hair.  Would you consider me crazy if I told you I thought he looked a lot more interesting before, when he was a globe-trotting, poker-playing peacekeeper?

Kati and Iz are obviously participating in the debutante activities as well, but instead of looking youthful,  they're straight out of Driving Miss Daisy instead.

Kati looks almost respectable here.  Her jacket and jewelry are much closer to chic than Isabel’s layered pearls and the matronly sweater paired with an Indiana Jones hat.

Unfortunately, we don’t get any view of Iz’s debutante gown, but probably due to Kati’s vastly superior reception outfit, we do get to see hers.

Unfortunately she fails pretty hard at the actual ball itself.  This gown, if we can call it that, is a real hot mess.  In fact, I don’t even think it’s a “gown”—it’s more of a skirt with beaded vest.  The skirt isn’t so bad, it’s more that it makes her look heavy.  The vest is really where she loses me because when you’re a debutante, you definitely want to look as unclothed as possible.

The final blow are those hideous gloves, with those ugly fluted edges that look straight out of A Knight’s Tale.  Nevermind that whoever was her date decided to give her a corsage made out of puff balls, some mistletoe, and one of Blair’s bow headbands.

Seventeen Candles - Part 1 of 2 - Happy Birthday, Blair

Episode Synopsis:  It’s the most wonderful time of the year in the UES — Blair Waldorf’s birthday!  She’s regretting her impromptu dance (before and during the limo ride) but Chuck makes an actual bid for the lady’s affections at her birthday party.  Unsurprisingly, his courtship method hasn’t changed all that much.  He still uses money.  Lots and lots of money.  The Archibalds are at odds over the Captain’s crimes and Nate is ordered to present an heirloom diamond ring to Blair so the Archibalds can win back the Waldorfs’ support.  How Victorian!  In Brooklyn, Serena and Dan make the walk of shame right into Vanessa, who invokes Queen B’s wrath by showing up to her party.  And Jenny tries to reconcile her parents and win Nate’s heart without repercussions from a furious, betrayed Blair.

It’s Blair Waldorf’s special day! A very happy 17^th birthday to our Queen B.

Blair starts out her day as you’d expect her to . . .

 . . .at church, confessing.

Okay, maybe not.  However, it's significant to note the reason why she’s there.  Last episode, we saw Blair choose Chuck instead of Nate, and the next morning, she’s regretting not only her actions, but her choice in transportation.

We can’t see much of Blair’s confessional getup, but the little net veil she’s wearing is adorable and such a Blair accessory.  What you can’t see here is that it’s (of course) connected to a headband.  I would be blissful if I could have just half of the headbands Blair has at her disposal.

After being set straight by the priest, Blair exits the church, and swaps the veil for a pair of sunglasses.  Note the killer leather gloves, perfect for strangling a certain Bass, who naturally tracks her down.

I have a theory about this particular ensemble, as chic as it is.  After every “indiscretion” that exposes the real Blair instead of the uptight Blair she assiduously presents to the rest of the world, her necklines seem to rise, as if she can hold all those exposed parts inside.

Not only do we have a high-necked, buttoned, blouse, Blair is also wearing a cute little pin, and a tie.  She’s about as closed off as she can possibly get right now.  Again, it’s a very adorable little outfit, but I’d like to think that it means something deeper than merely being fashionable.

Outfit is complete with a tight, high-waisted pencil skirt and here you can see the ruffled shirt a little better because she’s taken the jacket off.  All that crap on the blouse seems to be doing its best to hide her away.

Blair’s birthday party is that evening, and I believe the dress she wears to it is also meaningful. 

Naturally it’s a beautiful dress, but Blair’s still literally tied up.  There are even straps around the waist section of the dress, which is really too pointed to ignore.  The only part of Blair that’s exposed is her neckline, but that’s also significant.  Blair, who typically places jewelry on hold to help her friends and family select an appropriate birthday present for her royal self, knows she is getting a fabulous diamond necklace tonight.

The neckline of this stunning dress—I especially adore the fluffy tulle skirt paired with the stark, almost industrial design of the bodice—is practically designed for a necklace of the type that she’s expecting.

A better view of the straps and the incredible herringbone stockings Blair’s wearing with the dress.

The necklace Blair was lusting after is an Erickson Beamon diamond necklace reportedly valued at $35,000.  She tries, briefly, to give it back, but when you receive a necklace like that, you don’t just return it like a scarf from Old Navy.  Blair doesn’t have any more self control than the rest of us, and when we see it on her, just how empty the dress was without it becomes readily apparent.

Remember my complaints re: Eleanor from Victor/Victrola?

Unfortunately, Eleanor apparently didn’t read my recap or if she did, she didn’t take any of my advice to heart.  It’s bizarre to see such a successful, trendy designer dressing in exactly two colors—if we can even call shiny cream and matte black colors.

Such shiny fabrics are not very flattering, even though the ex-Mrs. Waldorf has a great figure.  They’re also unnecessarily fussy and cheap looking.  Eleanor needs to hire herself a stylist STAT.  Maybe she could see if Lily’s is available?

For the second episode in a row, Chuck is displaying actual human-like tendencies.  Sacre bleu!

Even his daytime attire looks downright plebian.

Same jeans as the masquerade episode, and a downright casual pink button-up underneath is.  Is it possible he was too worn out from Blair’s “transportation” needs to bother dressing the part of Chuck Bass this morning?

However, his strength recovered, Bass brings it for Blair’s birthday.

Only real men (or those with the last name Bass) wear pink ascots.

Actually, he looks rather debonair.  The whole outfit could be a bit much, with the pale pink shirt and slightly darker ascot, paired with the red pocket square, but the very stately black pinstriped jacket saves it from looking too pimped out.

Of course, a man looks even better when he’s holding a gift. . .

Chuck Bass + a pink ascot + $35,000 worth of diamonds would be tough for any woman to resist, even if that woman is Blair Waldorf.

Serena and Dan are still going strong despite her forceful tendencies of the last episode.

So strong that I’m almost certain Serena’s wearing Dan’s plum and gray argyle cardigan from Victor/Victrola.  Not surprisingly she looks better in it than Dan did.

For Blair’s party, she risks the Queen B’s wrath by wearing a t-shirt.

Um...her hair looks nice?  I think Blair wouldn’t let even her best friend come to her birthday party dressed that way.

Good thing the t-shirt is actually an ill-fitting t-shirt tunic dress, complete with rows of metallic button candy on the bottom.  You get the impression that Serena’s trying to impress Dan by dressing a little edgier and less like the Upper East Side It-Girl she is, but this just doesn’t work.

Dan, too, is doing his best to impress his new lady love.

AKA he wears an ugly brown blazer with his maroon plaid shirt.

Nice try, Dan, but that’s not going to work.

In fact, I’d argue that he looks better in just the plaid shirt, rather than looking pathetic by trying to dress it up with what's possibly Rufus’ sport coat.

Despite all these sartorial failings of Dan, he’s still so desired by not only Serena, but Vanessa as well.

I honestly can’t believe I’m saying this, but Vanessa actually looked fairly decent this episode.  She must have been extra nice to Eric Daman this week

Her colorful heart-patterned tank is super cute and actually flattering on her.  I like the simple gold necklaces, one short and one long.  Her hair doesn’t even look hideous.  Color me massively surprised.

Even when she accompanies Dan to Blair’s birthday party, she looks decent.  Blair’s fashion perfection must transfer by osmosis, all the way to Brooklyn.

The pattern on this isn’t the best, but it’s only one pattern, which is a step in the right direction for Vanessa.  Even her accessories are restricted to the same gold necklaces she was wearing earlier that day plus some simple gold hoops.  I didn’t think Vanessa could even go an entire day without changing her excessive costume jewelry.

Kati and Iz return for Blair’s birthday.  I’ve rhapsodized for two recaps now at how awesome Eric Daman is when it comes to Blair’s #1 minions, so I won’t reiterate it now, but seriously.  They look awesome.

They’re so freaking adorable I’m not even going to pick on the fact that they’ve gone a very Vanessa-like route and loaded on as many accessories as humanely possible.

Why the leniency?  Well, when you’re awesome enough to dress in a nautical theme, complete with candy color plastic jewelry and monogrammed sailor hats, you get an official YKYLF Get Out of Fashion Jail Free card.

Seriously, how freaking ridiculous are their little red pirate scarves?

You can just tell that Eric Daman has a lot of fun dressing them—their outfits are so cheesetastically giddy and gleeful.  And who can really blame him?  They’re so crazy, I can’t even imagine how much fun they’d be to dress.