The Dark Night - Part 2 of 3 - The Fashion Mavens

Jenny Humphrey isn't the smartest girl in the universe, but when she disses Eleanor's design in front of Eleanor, it's bad, even for her.

However, one thing she does do really well - beside sort buttons and be Laurel's favorite whipping girl - is wear easy, breezy summer clothes that are both cute and comfortable.



This dark floral print dress is charmingand her hair, though a bit flyaway, is decent enough considering the heat and the amount of time she's spent in it during the day.

Admittedly, little J does spend an inordinate amount of time in flowered smock-like items, but she wears them well, so she gets away with it.



It's a dark print, with light pink and purple flowers, and it suits her very well. I especially like the ruffled collar.  What I don't like is that tacky gold heart she's wearing around her neck.

Laurel, Jenny's supervisor, brings it as usual with her awesome lion-mane of hair and a simple, sleek black silk shift.

You would think that being a fashion designer, Eleanor Waldorf would bring it even more than Jenny or Laurel, but instead she just strikes out.



The gray slacks with matching vest is a good idea on paper, but the execution is all wrong.  The pants bunch strangely at the waist and the pleats, and the vest is way too tight.  Adding to the horror is an awful shiny navy blouse with that pathetic scarf detail.  Not even close to a good look for Eleanor.  I remain unimpressed by Eleanor Waldorf Designs.

Never Been Marcused - Part 1 of 2 - Sunkissed & Sensational

Episode Synopsis: It’s the morning after the White Party, and time for our motley crew to return to the multi-million megaplexes they call home. Marcus is captivated by Blair, who is busy lying through her teeth to impress him and not be blackballed by Chuck, who is attempting to sabotage her with the help of Duchess Catherine, who is sleeping with Nate, whose attention is being begged by Vanessa, who has given up stalking Dan now he and Serena are making out like it’s season one all over again. Everyone is sleeping with everyone else, and it's dirty and beautiful. Let’s roll on with the show...

Now out of the Bassian Desert and free to frolic where she wishes, Blair sticks to a strict palette of colours – yellow, cream, orange – this episode, and looks citrusy and sweet all hour long.

While taking a bike ride with her British beau, she rocks a yellow and ivory ruffled blouse and wide leg, high-waisted deep orange shorts. Utterly adorable, and oh so appropriate.

See what I meant about the palette?

B tries to give herself some polish with a classy back to school party – I don’t understand it either, but at least her party planning outfit is lovely! This dress has a fab layering effect, with the bow front waistcoat rising from a neat orange skirt with pockets. A matching scarf ties back her hair, and that one blue bracelet adds cute colour contrast.

For all the racing around she does this episode – entertain Marcus, school Chuck, scold Serena – Blair certainly seems very relaxed, on the surface at least. I love her almost messy hairstyle, accessorised with a simple pearl band; the real star of the show, however, is that dress. Cream and black printed and topped with a bow, it is parfait (either that or B looks like a parfait in it...)

Returning victorious from her endeavours, the soon to be Lady B dons a pale blue babydoll and pink head wrap to spend the night with her BFF.

Now, onto Serena: Blake Lively can literally pull off anything, and this simple slip is not exception. It’s ivory, it clings, and it has the barest of black ornamentation on the shoulders. Uncomplicated and alluring, that’s our S.

Back in the Hamptons, she turned up the allure for the benefit of a certain Humphrey. Her blue and black vest top may be straightfoward enough, but if you allow your eyes to drift lower...Daisy Dukes for our very own Daisy Buchanan. Well played, Serena.

This look, however, says less Fitzgerald heroine, more Dora the Explorer. What is that thing on her top half? It looks like a surplus parachute to me, so I’m not even going to try to understand it. The really unfathomable thing, however, is why someone as fashion savvy as S would wear white bootcut jeans. White bootcut jeans hardly look good on anyone. White bootcut jeans should, in this recapper's humble opinion, be banned.

Oh dear God, they have creases.

White bootcut jeans with creases.

FIERCE.

Thank God, Serena’s fashion sense rises from the grave for Blair’s party. She dons this beautiful deep blue patterned maxi dress with deep V-neck to show off her *ahem* best assets, and adds a boho twist with long loose pearls and tousled hair with a few cute braids. She is even (though you can’t see them) wearing gladiator sandals. Speaking of those assets, though...

This lady’s milkshake brings Nate Archibald to the yard.

I’ve never liked Duchess Beaton, what with her cougar tendencies and over-styled hair, but she certainly knows how to mix colours. This summer dress would be completely boring in pale yellow and black, but the little pops of white and mint green sell it to me.

This dress = ought to be mine. The light chiffony fabric suffers a little from a heavy splash print, but is more than redeemed by those translucent sleeves and chic black accents. Add a simple black belt, and Catherine looks cool, scary, and rather attractive.

And if there weren’t enough women in Nate’s life already, here’s his mother, wearing shades similar to the Duchess!

At least now we know where Nate gets his addiction to blue from – that wraparound visor really makes Mrs Archibald’s eyes pop. Question, though: if you can get rubber gloves that look like silk, why does an Upper East Sider own such an icky pair of gardening gloves?

We get a brief appearance from the littlest cast member this episode, and Jenny hits it out of the park in a deep orange and navy tribal summer dress, her pink pendant sweetly clashing. It’s nice to remember that once upon a time, she looked like this, so let’s enjoy her summer glow and sincere smile while they last.

Summer, Kind of Wonderful - Part 3 of 3 - Kind of Workaholics

Jenny’s spent all summer working her tiny fingers to the bone at Eleanor’s atelier—not for Eleanor, but for Eleanor’s assistant, Laurel.

Still, it’s served her well, working that hard, because her wardrobe has improved exponentially by being around high fashion all the time.

Love this light pink ruffled tank with a blue bow.

Even better is this black floral sundress with beading accents.

It’s definitely a little edgier than the frilly pink tank top, but I like it when Jenny wears clothes with more edge.

The dress she designs for Laurel but ends up wearing herself to the White Party is as frilly and innocent as they come, but it’s definitely lovely on her.

Love the cream lace and the square neckline, finished with a simple sash around her waist.  She looks fresh and age-appropriate.

Laurel, Eleanor’s assistant and Jenny’s torturer, is a statuesque beauty who lives and breathes high fashion.  Her simple cream blouse trimmed in black is gorgeous on her.

She punches it up a notch for the White Party, looking sleek and sophisticated in a simple white wrap dress that shows off her long legs.

Jenny was horrible to Eric all during season one, but he’s apparently a fan of forgive and forget, because he still takes her call, gets her invited to the White Party and even introduces her to Tinsley Mortimer.

Why do they put Eric in such horribly boring clothes?  I know he’s essentially a kid on summer vacation but it’s not like this show is based in reality.  I’d love to see him in something more interesting than a boring gray shirt with dark shorts.

Or this blue striped button-up.

This shirt has a little Chuck Bass flair, with the embroidered green medallions.

And for the White Party, he’s breaking new ground by wearing. . . .white!

Honestly, he looks kind of mis-matched (too many colors of white and cream in one outfit?) and sloppy.  I would think being Chuck Bass’s brother, he would have a higher personal expectation for himself.

Oh Rufus.  What are we going to do with you?

This is an incredibly boring, incredibly unsurprising choice for Rufus.  I’ve honestly given up that he’ll ever manage to get out of the plaid shirt rut he’s in. Le snore.

All About My Brother - Part 1 of 3 - Hellcats

Episode Synopsis: this episode is a series of outings for our Upper East Siders: Serena is outed as a felon, Eric is outed as batting for the other team (with Little J’s BF, no less), and Lily is outed as a ‘screw it and do it anyway’ kind of gal, putting aside her feelings for a shag carpet – oh, my mistake, was that Rufus? – in favour of a society wedding with some cold hard Bass. Blair drags herself back to the top, and proceeds to smile evilly. Dan and Vanessa also feature, though who knows why. Let’s roll on with the show...

The Battle of Gettysburg; Custer’s Last Stand; The Gulf War. None of these conflicts quite measure up to the Battle of the Met Steps. My money’s on Blair, purely for the reason that the most notable time she rocked navy and red was when she was having Nate’s cake and letting Chuck eat hers too. The girl can multi-task.

Here endeth the sexual allusions and begineth the analysis.

Jenny, I love your blue sparkly headband. I love your lemon yellow coat. I love your huge pink handbag. I love your silver Mary Janes and fishnets. This episode is a strong one for Jenny sartorially, and this delicious ensemble is just the aperitif.

Unfortunately, Blair kinda looks like she’s going to rip J’s face off.

What sells me on this outfit is the details: it’s not the red tights, it’s texture of the red tights. It’s the red cardigan peeping out from beneath that admiral-able (I’m stopping with the puns, I promise!) naval style coat. It’s the way her headband and handbag match. This is Blair in full armour, and the effect is spectacular.

As in any war or game of softball, there are two teams. Let’s talk Team Backing up Brooklyn first.

They’re all wearing a little bit of Little J. Littlest Minion brings out the pink handbag in her patterned and patent ensemble complete with bow headband, Penelope spices up her lavender outfit with some vaguely yellow/green flats, and Hazel pops that blue in a divine sky blue coat. As ever, Hazel gets extra points: crimson patterned tights with white double strap heels? Is she secretly rooting for Blair and her stellar colour scheme?

Speaking of Team Backing up the Blue-Blood, here they are now.

Perhaps to make up for Blair’s depleted numbers, Iz mixes red and white patterns, white accessories and bizarre turquoise leggings to her heart’s content. As Bethany noted in last week’s recap, Nelly Yuki (like Blair, I cannot seem to stop using her full name), really needs to up her game vis-à-vis those shades of boring and drab. And no headband? OMG!

With her dramatic colouring, our Queen B usually goes for bright colours which emphasise her pale skin or dark hair, but here she steals the show at her plotting party in a brown pencil skirt and tie neck pewter shirt. Even Nelly looks vaguely acceptable in her draped mushroom coloured dress, though I don’t quite know what to make of Isabel in that black and lime patterned cream confection.

Here, sadly, Jenny is just begging me to tear her to shreds. That pink blouse looks like it’s supposed to be white but had an unfortunate incident at the laundromat. Also, those bizarre suspender things holding up her skirt are shifting about due to the sudden advent of Little J’s chest, and really just make her look poochy.

I like this outfit for entirely different reasons to the one at the Steps. It’s particularly nice to see one of our Gossip Girls in jeans, but really sells me on it is the corsage topping her striped cardigan. It doesn’t need to be there; still, it adds an extra pop of colour and remind us of the girl who Jenny used to be.

Now, on to the party: this is one of my favourite Blair ensembles ever. The super long string of pearls tied to her wrists and turned into bracelets, the flapper-style silver and black dress and headband...all I can say is she looks fierce, and she looks like Blair Waldorf: killer queen.

This is, without a doubt, the best dress Jenny has ever worn – the lilac and flower detail complete with matching headband are nothing short of exquisite. As for the minions, however...oh dear.

I like Penelope’s multicoloured halter-neck, but hate her huge red hippie pendant (once more, they’re all wearing long necklaces – as is J). Hazel drops the ball once again by dressing in a smear of pastels which makes her look pregnant, complete with enormous rap star gold chain, and Iz is turning into Vanessa. Gold, gold and more gold destroys the appeal of that gorgeous cerulean dress and headband. Sigh.

“I lied, and I stole, and I lost the respect of my family,” says Jenny tearfully, all while toting this wonderfully patterned coat.

“I tried to warn you,” replies Blair. “There’s a price to pay.”

And as Jenny leaves the penthouse, broken dreams in tow, the camera lingers on B. We’re left to wonder what price she paid – her fall from grace, her insecurity, or the boys who loved her.

She freshens up, however, into a black lacy peignoir and negligee to greet her newly grieving BFF; because every time God ends a class war, Serena accidentally murders her dealer.

Desperately Seeking Serena - Part 2 of 3 - The Get Out of Jail Plan

Fresh from her defeat at the hands of Blair and the Mean Girls, Jenny is grounded in Brooklyn, but even Rufus’ punishment can’t keep her down for long.

For school one morning, Jenny chooses this ensemble, guaranteed to keep her on the outs for even longer.  The snapped crossed tie is just plain ugly, especially paired with the overly-ruffled blouse.  The jumper is cute though, and I do like her blue coat.  Also, this was my favorite period of Jenny hair.  The swept bangs with the curled chunks around her face are so flattering.  I wish she’d kept it short like this longer.

Jenny spends much of the school days during this episode in very similar outfits—the only girl at Constance Billard who is apparently required to wear anything resembling a uniform.

My favorite version is this one:

The purple patterned scarf is so lovely with her skin tone, and contrasts beautifully with the dark somber fabrics of her jumper and coat.  Plus, the patchwork tapestry bag is a fun, nearly boho touch.

Plus, has Jenny ever looked this sophisticated?  Nope, and she never does again.  This is an unfortunate short-lived detour.

Grounded at home and annoyed she can’t launch her new plan to rule Constance, Jenny wears a simple top and jeans.

I think we might have seen this in a previous episode (if we have, brava, Eric Daman and co.), but I love the purple and the square neckline is beautiful on her.  Plus, I have to give props again for the great hair, and continue mourning that it didn’t last.

Finally, Jenny manages to outsmart Rufus and engineer a date with the new plan named Asher.  After all, as Jenny points out to the new minion, even Blair doesn’t have a man right now.  Nobody does.  Except for her, of course.

For the date, Jenny wears this simple sundress with a flowered pattern and color-blocked bodice.  I don’t like the light pink against her skin (it’s too light), especially when it’s paired with such a bold choice as the cerise belt.  Still, she looks young and cute and sweet, which is probably exactly the impression she wanted to make.  After all, most boys aren’t interested in dating a human piranha.

Asher, Jenny’s new “plan,” looks like most young teenage boys on the Upper East Side, but apparently he’s supposed to be dreamy in that young Nate Archibald lookalike way.

He certainly has the Nate Archibald look down with his plaid button-up shirt and jeans—but I do think the black wool coat has some interesting detailing like the hood and the toggle buttons.

For the date, he doesn’t vary it much, but then why should he?  He already knows he’s exactly what Jenny wants.

Though he couldn’t possibly know that even though Jenny Humphrey appreciates a Nate Archibald sweeping bang haircut as much as the next girl, she wouldn’t like the combination of so many distracting plaids.  After all, she’s a Humphrey and therefore an expert on plaid.

Speaking of plaid, let’s check in with the head disciplinarian himself, Rufus.

What Rufus?  No plaid this episode?  Is it even possible?  I’m in shock too.

To make up for his lack of plaid, Rufus does bring back the awesomeness that is the Nehru collar.  Unlike fellow YKYLF staffer Bella, I can’t say I like a man in a Nehru collar.  They always look strangely abbreviated to me, like someone forgot to sew the rest of the shirt on.

Later, he chooses this bizarre ensemble.

Jean shirts are just a big no-no, and especially paired with a Henley the color of well . . .nothing.  Of all the shirts Rufus has ever worn, that’s the most blah and colorless we’ve seen on him  yet.  I hate to say it, but considering the above fail, I almost missed the plaid this episode.